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Thread: Overuled by enablers

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Overuled by enablers Posted: 11/8/2005 3:21:52 AM
kudos to you chryslergirl Consistency is the key and should be the goal. My kids are preteen but the battles are beginning. The writing is on the wall so to speak. Sometimes the non custodial parent misses the kids and bends the rules because they want the kids on their side , or they are simply to lazy to enforce them (the easy way out) The best scenerio is when the 2 parents agree to hang together when it comes to the rules.It s the best for the kids I am getting myself ready for the day one of the kids says "I want to move to Dads" It might half kill me but they have the right to find out what its like to eat frozen dinners. hee hee April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 166 (view)

Does sex get better with age Posted: 11/6/2005 2:29:19 PM
I think the consensus is yes, and I agree. Unfortunately I was stuck in the marriage rut and practically gave up sex altogether. I think the kids do it actually(its a plot)... anyhoo... Once I got over that, I totally agree that women peak in their 40s and I pray I can sustain it because I get so much pleasure from sex now. I mean... I did before... until you know(the demise)... and I am gratefull to discover that my sexuality has been re-awakened

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Location, Location, Location Posted: 10/31/2005 3:43:45 AM
how about importing some women from Russia ? oh sorry you were looking for SERIOUS suggestions .... April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

amazing how everyone is so easy going and so divorced Posted: 10/31/2005 3:36:32 AM
Geez Dragonrider sorry to offend your sensibilities better just stay away from posts that upset you I guess you must be the easy going type that is also divorced and d/d free April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

amazing how everyone is so easy going and so divorced Posted: 10/30/2005 5:01:20 AM
this post was about women as much as men... this is not a blame game with seems to be the way people are interpeting my post some people appear to take this very personally like it is an attack which requires a defense I am befuddled, amused and a little scared by it all at the same time I too , FYI am easy going and divorced I liked the passive aggressive comment - that made sense to me because that describes my ex - I on the other hand I am simply aggressive LOL ok everybody lighten up a little ok ? kisses April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

amazing how everyone is so easy going and so divorced Posted: 10/29/2005 6:19:28 AM
WEll I clearly hit a hot button for a few folks here It was more intended to be cute and funny than anything else. Just making observations Oh and by the way... I am easy going, do not play head games and d/d free. Aren't we ALL? kisses April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Overuled by enablers Posted: 10/28/2005 9:59:44 PM
I actually agree with your interpretations. thats exactly what i would dread as a parent of a teenager... having given so much and get so little appreaciation back... tough going...

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

amazing how everyone is so easy going and so divorced Posted: 10/28/2005 9:09:15 PM
OK i just gotta say somethin here. If everyone one of you were as easy going as you say u r u woulnt be divorced silly. We are all so crazy and individual but the same. Anyhow I just wanted to comment on how all "guys", cuz I dont check out the chicks..... say that they are oh so easy going.... and it just makes me laugh... yes we are all easygoing in our own eyes... check with others first.... kisses April oh ya... and no headgames pls hee hee hee as if youll let me know beforehand and EVERYONE is d/d free.... no im not cynical im mature

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

Relationships and Affairs Posted: 10/23/2005 7:02:29 AM
In a word ; betrayal The most intimate thing you can share with another human is sex. It is sacred. When you are having sex with someone else.... you need something your partner cannot give you. I am not saying it is wrong, but it is an indicator that something in the relationship is missing. I do not understand the "until death do us part" thing.... doesnt seem to be working that well... does it ? Life is so complicated isnt it ? April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

he has a no care attitude-- am i wasting my time? Posted: 10/23/2005 6:54:20 AM
Yes my dear. Give him an ultimatum. Either he shows that he cares about you and you are worth it ... or you are gone.Its more about how you percieve yourself than anything else. If a man doesnt show interest in me... he doesnt deserve me ! Sounds like it could be a power trip ...who needs it. Hope he reads this. good luck April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 54 (view)

Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar? Posted: 10/23/2005 6:39:32 AM
Chuck... Thanks for starting this thread. One thing I do know is that as a society we need better awareness and knowledge of mental illness. I was dating a man who has something (not sure what). Intelligent man, great job etc. I totally fell in love with him and after 6 months he dissappeared on me. I called his boss and found out there was a missing persons report on him. A couple months later he wrote me a letter telling me he wanted to kill himself. I spend alot of time and effort trying to "save" this man only to have him digress a few months later. I did a lot of research on mental illness and my laymans diagnosis was paranoid schitzo... He lost his job, stopped paying his bills, stopped seeing his children and basically fell apart at the seams. Watching someone I loved , cared for and respected so much.. self destruct was devastating to me... I fell into my own depression which affected my ability to parent and do my job properly. Luckily I worked my way through this within a few months and with some drugs and support network of very good friends I recovered. The response from his ex wife was one of anger... and then I knew she did not understand this disease at all. There is so much stigma attached. Trouble is, its not like having "cancer" as one writer put it. Because it is not purely physical. It is very complicated and difficult to understand. Each and every case is different and complex in its own unique way. I believe it is manageable with the correct diagnosis and drugs but that can take a long time to figure out.. and some people cannot withstand the wait. Unfortunately mental illness falls through the cracks of health care. It is ambiguous and treated with skepticm. In the case of my friend, he dedicated the most valuable years of his life as a hospital adminstrator only to lose his health care benefits and be shut out by the system. ( He is a US citizen ) For this reason I still believe wholeheartedly that Canadian health care system is far superior and humane than US) He did not want to go to the state medicare and be lumped in with all the "crazies" ... which I understand because you give up alot of your rights once you admit yourself to emerg. for mental illness. So very very sad. I just want to say that I understand BOTH sides. I understand that people WITH the disease want a fair chance to prove themselves and live a normal life with a healthy person. I also understand that healthy people dont necessarily want to get tangled up with someone with those kinds of issues..... Life is hard and then you die ... but we have to look for the best while we are here I love these forums because its people helping people understanding is the way to healing April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 52 (view)

Is there a good reason not to date someone who is bipolar? Posted: 10/23/2005 5:53:53 AM
Christine it sounds like you need treatment too ! Why would you stay with someone who beat you up ? THAT IS SICK.... bipolar or not ... April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Sometimes actions speak louder than words Posted: 10/23/2005 5:38:21 AM
I agree with Crysler girl... good approach... getting a little cold for mini golf so hurry up Dragon ! Flowers and a card are a great idea but if she doesnt go for it you may have to find a new convenience store ! Wayne Gretzgy : YOu will always miss 100% of the shots you dont take Its the Canadian way, eh ? April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

kids come home from ex acting defiant Posted: 10/23/2005 5:31:13 AM
thanks for your advise and taking the time... it is not unappreciated. cheers April

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Sometimes actions speak louder than words Posted: 10/21/2005 7:26:46 PM
Dragonrider Actions always speak louder than words. I usually approach men with kids because I dont think a man without them could fully understand my life otherwise. Most men who approach me have kids too.... but I have been approached by some pretty young men... I'm just not really interested. I like people around my age, or older. Internet is a weird way to meet people. Outsiders are really skeptical and think everyone is an axe murderer or a stalker.. but we are all just people trying to meet people without having to get drunk first. that costs a lot of money and we dont always make the best decisions iykwim good luck everyone kisses aprilgreen

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

I need some advice.. Posted: 10/21/2005 9:28:24 AM
I agree Melissanicole (nice name btw) Lets not jump to conclusions and I do NOT RESPECT those who cause anxiety to an already stressed out mom... get real ! biting is NORMAL... we are more animalistic until we learn acceptable social behaviours ! ( I still like to bite a little hee hee)

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

I need some advice.. Posted: 10/20/2005 3:10:26 PM
My son went through a biting period and that was when I was still with his dad. We were not violent as a couple and I dont see it as any reflection of us. I agree it might be the inability to use words when distressed ... hit or bite... so teach her to use her words. YOu can also look at my thread " kids come home from the ex acting defiant " It could just be her way of letting out some frustration she is feeling going back and forth. As you mentioned... different rules. Although I speak to my ex as little as possible, I do tell him what our rules are ... bedtime , tv and punishment etc so he at least KNOWS what I am doing even if he does not folllow it to the letter - but I think we have agreed to co parent inthe best interest of the children and so it should be. If your ex is not on line with potty training and bedtime it might be necessary to take him to court or a meeting or restrict visitation until you are in sync. I also agree that your gut instinct is probably right and you know if your ex is the violent type or not. good luck a great saying ; " this too, shall pass"

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Prospective date asks to spank your child, how would u react? Posted: 10/20/2005 5:38:03 AM
thank God you stayed clear of that one ! and lucky for you he actually voiced his wishes otherwise you may have found out the hard way... good call kids come first cheers

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

kids come home from ex acting defiant Posted: 10/20/2005 5:36:39 AM
I have been separated for 2 years. My kids are 11 and 12. I try not to EVER say anything about their dad because even if I say something GOOD they get defensive... so I dont say anything. I have noticed repeatedly when they come home from dads place they both have a huge chip on their shoulder... like I am the enemy. It usually turn out that we have some confrontation over something (sounds like dad if feeding them some negative crap) and then once its over everybody calms down and we go on our merry way. I am a good mom and I do most of the providing and the kids spend most of the time with me. I know it takes time for kids to deal with their "issues" and my mom says that the kids frustrations are coming out in this way. I dont want to talk to my ex about their behaviour because he is the master manipulator and I can never "win" a conversation with him - he always twists things around and would say soemthing like " I don't have those kinds of problems with the kids " and make me feel incompetent, so I just try to deal with it. Any suggestions on how to best deal with the kids when they come home all riled up ? Also... do you think its wrong to take a hard line and say " If you dont like it here go live with your dad ".... my instinct tells me after a month they would be running back home ... but ? cheers

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 80 (view)

STOOD UP by a P.O.F. MEMBER Posted: 10/16/2005 6:38:04 PM
Hey I really understand. I was talking with this guy on the phone and he was very anxious to meet me. We agreed to meet for a drink. He said he would call me back later and let me know the definites. I did what all we girls do before a date... wanna make a good impression... wash, do hair and makeup, shave legs....choose clothes...etc etc Then the guy doesnt call me back... LOSER But thats not all.. then he tries to hit on me again on POF figuring I would not remember... what a JERK. I dont take it personally, its just the way it is. people are weird and if they do that , clearly they are NOT THE RIGHT GUY 4 U , and thats great to get that right out of the way.... NEXT....

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Does an illegal immigrant deserve the same respect as a legal immigrant/citizen? Posted: 10/11/2005 6:27:17 PM
Wow DC, I really like the way you think. I say, if you can make it in illegally, good on ya ! I love the spirit and I'll take someone who yearns for freedom and opportunities over scores who expect it and feel "entitled". When you are born into a free country it is just so easy to be smug and protectionist. Without immigrants, legal or illegal, our population in North America does not sustain itself, anyways. People living here are paying into the tax system and will have children who are naturalized. Live and let live ! Aprilgreen

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

People in and around Buffalo, NY Posted: 10/11/2005 10:10:32 AM
chill out sister they guy just said he doesnt want to bother with customs whats it to ya ? he did not say ANYTHING about hating Canadians but YOU are not helping ! April (born in Toronto)

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

most memorable kiss Posted: 10/9/2005 7:15:03 AM
Ah now theres a noteworthy topic. I have a couple. One was my ex husband when we met. He kissed me at the train station. I was going home to Toronto from Montreal. It was the most delicous sensual kiss. It put me in a state of bliss for many weeks. Incredible kisses are like wonderful orgasms. The mouth is so sensitive, at least as much so as the genitals. Other unforgettable kiss was on a first date. I fell madly in love with this man during this kiss. It was overlooking Niagara Falls at night ... the fireworks were going on in the background. It was a magical moment. He was bending down to kiss me (I love tall men) and while our lips and tongues intertwined I lifted my knee slightly and pressed myself up against him, letting him know I wanted more. Oh, and did I mention it was a full moon ? Needless to say we ended up spending the night together for one of the best first dates I have EVER had. good story eh ?

Joined: 5/15/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Talking dirty: A vocal lovers extra. Posted: 10/8/2005 9:44:19 PM
Great Topic I am very much into talking it up in the bedroom. I love laughing too. I dont like the idea of saying things that are derrogatory. I find that disturbing and am glad I have not met that kind of man. Funny to me that people seem to associate talking with some kind of abuse. I enjoy telling my partner what i like and letting him know when he is pleasing me. Being vocal can add another dimention to love making. Why not use all our senses ? it only makes sense ... hee hee

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