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parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Realism vs Optimism Posted: 8/20/2009 10:28:25 AM
Can be. Personally I think a realist is a person who sees things as they are but if they have an optomistic side to them they dont see the situation as permenantly bad. most folks think of realists as pessimists , which they may be and often are, but the two are not exactly the same. btw i like the womans profile quote. i think there are a lot of us out there who do the same thing. though i gave up the cynic part because i dont see the point of believing the negative when it makes me feel bad. i prefer to be realist/optomist and keep both my eyes and heart open to the good in people.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

The Screenplay of Perception Posted: 8/20/2009 10:25:53 AM
screenplays are designed to make a long story short. they have convinient ommissions and dramatic additions to make the charecters more believable or to make the point of the person writing/directing a movie. a book of life has much more detail. often its tedious as all get out but it has pretty much everything. the reader has the power to buy into what the author says all or in part but all details are there to help the person decide. and after all what we want kids to do eventually is to grow up, look at ALL the facts and then decide. not to be led by people who control access to the wide world. that said magic is part of life. its the thing that makes us keep going when common sense tells us to give up. its the belief in the possible v the impossible. guess what i am saying is this: i kept my kids into magic and make believe their whole lives when young. however both are well adjusted and can enjoy the magic of things like dungeons and dragons or disney world and still keep their head in the (so called) real world. guess its a matter of perspective.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

How important is sameness to you at this stage of the game? Posted: 8/20/2009 10:13:08 AM
personally, i like people to be a bit different from me. some different interests and some the same. similarity is good, sameness can be boring. in my current situation the c/w thing does come up (she loves it and i loathe it) but thats where you get to practice your compromise skills and learn to disagree without being disagreeable. as long as your on, or near, the same page on the big stuff (and no compromise is one person totally giving in and the other getting what they want) viva la difference!

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

certainty that he/she is 'the one' Posted: 8/17/2009 1:30:08 PM
at my age and stage my choice was made on a couple things. one was possesion of things that i consider essential in her personality. (in my case curiosity, sense of humor and supportiveness) and the fireworks were a nice extra. i think if you got the compatability you have a much better chance of having fireworks and a long term relationship than "chemical compatability" but not a lot else going on. course thats my op.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Single after 25 years Posted: 8/17/2009 1:20:51 PM
actually i think pof is a great place to meet some really fantastic gals. i admit i am prejudiced because all my pof experiences have been good ones, but i cant say enough about the gals on pof. if i had pof to fall back on after my first marriage ended, instead of meeting people at work, i might well have avoided a disasterous second marriage. another place that might work if your into it is church sponsored singels groups. if your not into church there are speed dating and other types of dating services which may or may not charge money. however i think pof is a good starting place for anyone. especially if that someone is new to single hood after a long term marriage.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

staying centred? Posted: 8/17/2009 1:16:40 PM
when i am not centered i am not happy. when i dont listen to that still small voice and listen to the voices of chaos swirling around me at any given moment, i am not happy. staying centered is not easy. keep your values as the deciding factor in life choices is not easy. for the last few months i have not done this and now have lots of regrets. if i ever figure out how to get and keep centered i will write a book or two and put dr. phil out of business.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Parental Critique at Our Age?? Posted: 8/17/2009 1:14:45 PM
Well moonie I wish my parents were here to influence me one way or another. However I think , like with most types of influence, you probably know what the other person wants and why. for me i listen to what anyone says, even folks i dont really like or respect and take into account what they said. i then make my own choice based on what i feel, believe and have learned from life and others. thats the best way to do it. you know how your mom feels and why she says what she says. respect the advice and the angel from which it comes. but make your own choice in the end.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Your take on this Posted: 8/16/2009 12:00:34 PM
i am not sure if we are "one upping" so much as looking for those well discussed red flags. i think most of us opperate under the eronious conception that if we hook up with someone as far different from a previous failed relationship as possible we will find happiness. i did that with wife number two and guess what? It was the worst disaster of my entire life (which is saying a great deal). Nothing wrong with looking at charecter traits, particularly if you are looking long term, but be careful to watch closely and dont mistake an abscence of an ex's least desirable qualities as a match made in heaven. often times its just the opposite.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

if you are planning a major change Posted: 8/16/2009 11:56:10 AM
oddly enough when i presented for a ltr i found nothing of the sort. i met some great people but the situation and/or chemestry fizzeled. now that life is a total roller coaster i posted "serious inquiries need not apply" and find myself in an ltr. go figure

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Friend or Foe Posted: 8/4/2009 1:11:24 PM
Now hold on a minuete DMU. If this gal is your "best friend" and IF she is over him and not interested in him why should you quit dating him? Now I do suggest you talk with her and see where her head is at (you might have to be sneaky and mention this guys name and watch the facial reaction to get an honest take) but talk it out with her and with him. Good grief dont give up on someone because a friend "might" be offended. One of my (non fish) buddies is married to a gal his best friend dated in high school. They now are best friends as COUPELS and do all kinds of stuff together. Do not assume that this has to be awkward till you find out for sure.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Intuition, Gut Instict? Posted: 8/4/2009 1:07:55 PM
Dude, congrats. You were honest with a real honest to god feeling and shared it with a person whom you think you might enjoy as a friend or lover. Geez that was great. Its always better to just be honest, tell em who you are, insecurities and all, and see if they still want to be with you. If the answer is yes you have hope. if the answer is no you did not waste your time or hers. Sounds like you did a good thing. Hope the date went well too.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Where are the lines drawn... Posted: 8/4/2009 1:04:48 PM
dating has not changed, its just we are doing it after the end of those first (or more) marriages. my question to you katie is this: in those cases did you feel like you needed the answer? were you at the level where you wanted to committ to those guys? if so then its ok to find out and decide what you want and then deal with the answer. another thing i find , for me, when i want to start dating only one person i am going to let them know thats how i feel and let them react as they will. if your the kinda girl who wants that "onelove" you may have to committ to them before they committ to you. then you can see if they feel the same way. personally i can see both sides of the story you tell. i can see where some folks, particularly insecure ones or people not wanting to committ, would get bent out of shape by being asked. on the other hand you are askign a legit question and they are your feelings. if there is a relationship in the offing then you gotta ask. btw it seems like your new to this and an hoest and gentle soul. give yourself some time and dont take rejection too hard. love takes time and healing from past failues in relationships takes time. give yourself a break and treat katie like you would treat others, with kindness and respect.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Is it too early to ask where we stand? Posted: 8/4/2009 12:59:24 PM
If you been to bed (especially more than once) it is not too late to ask where you stand. especially if you dont like where you are standing. however you might want to prepare yourself for the answer being different than what you like. i might also suggest you just dont have sex with the guy until he is willing to talk about plans if that is what you are wanting. no one should be doing something they dont want to do just to hold onto a relationship that is wrong for both parties and cant help but cause hurt.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

Friends with Benefits Posted: 8/4/2009 12:56:53 PM
I doubt you are overthinking here. If you feel awkward then do what I have done more than once. take the b out of the fwb. if you find she is uncomfortable with that (or you are) then something more is happening and you are going to have to deal with it. Stick to your guns and dont give up. It hurts to end an fwb relationship but sometimes thats what has to happen. As for the settleing down thing good for you. Now ask yourself the question: could i settle down with this girl? If the answer is know then its more than time to move on for both your sakes. my op only.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Is there a limit to what we can learn and understand ? Posted: 8/4/2009 12:45:33 PM
A big part of that resides in the analogy (and i cant right now remember who said it) "if we see farther than those who went before it is because we stand on the shoulders of giants". As far as change goes change can only occur when data has been compiled and accumulated and used and the found to be either wrong or improved upon. Since we have more data, and better ways to communicate it and check it more quickly , than ever before and since that rate of growth seems to be growing faster change itself will continue to grow at a dizzying pace. not much we can do but enjoy the ride or dread it.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Divine inspiration Vs Human imagination Posted: 8/4/2009 12:42:39 PM
The answer to your question is there is no answer. How can science prove or disprove God? Answer we cant. If God is all powerful he will manifest himself (or herself if you prefer) when/if he pleases. One cant prove the issue using science at all. A looooong time ago, in a college class, I had a professor ask us to tell what science was in our oppinion. My answer was short and I think complete. Science is a way of knowing. It is not truth, nor does it concern itself with the concept of truth. Science concerns itself with information. Metaphysics, or if you prefer spiritual belief systems, concern themselves with truth. Its a fine line but I think a lot of people can relate to it. I will never be one to discredit or downplay the role of science but it is a system , like all others , with limitations built into it.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Which results in which...the brain and thoughts Posted: 8/4/2009 12:37:23 PM
This is an op question. My op is that the thoughts are part of something that goes beyond the brain and the brain is something that houses our thoughts to a degree. most of the brains function goes on without our conscious thought, which is good i would hate to have to remember to breathe all night long, but my personal op is there is more to us than the body (including the brain) unfortunately (or fortunately in some respects) science will not be able to prove that for some time to come if ever.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

How accurate can carbon dating truly be? Posted: 8/4/2009 12:35:22 PM
We cant really. The problem is while mathmatical formulas exist for carbon dating we can only ASSUME that there is a constant change over all lengths of time. And we all know what it means to assume. I dont doubt that future advnaces in carbon dating will lead to more knowledge and that dedicated and talented folks are working on it. But right now its all an educated guess and most likely will be for a looooong time to come.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Forgiveness Posted: 8/4/2009 12:29:42 PM
Well TK the idea of foregiveness in the Bible is addressed pretty well in a conversation between Peter and Jesus. Peter, love that guy he always said what he felt, said how often should i forgive my brother, up to seven times. jesus said no, 7 x 70 times ( i think i am right on the number) there is also "vengence is mine saith the lord, I will repay". now from the pov of still wanting some "get even" I trust God to do a much better job of doling out the punishment than I ever could by staying mad at the person who did what they did. The goal of foregiveness is not to make the perp feel better but to lighten your own personal load and let go of those things that hurt you. Its biblical in all senses it is also common sense for the non religiously inclined. the chinese had a saying "a grudge (no matter how well justified) is the heaviest burden a man can bear" dont know about the rest of you fishies out there but i got enough to shoulder in life just being a single fifty plus year old male , i dont need to carry a bunch of garbage from my past around as well.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

Ever been asked,Why aren't you married? Posted: 8/4/2009 12:21:02 PM
If/when I get asked that I will tell em because I wanted to prove to you that all the good ones ARE NOT married. If I wanted to flirt I would say: " I was waiting for you to ask"

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

When did we become old fuddy duddies? Posted: 8/4/2009 12:19:46 PM
Heck breathe if a person realizes they are a fuddy duddy they most likely would change their habits so as not to be one. never thought of that one personally.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Forgiveness Posted: 8/4/2009 8:12:48 AM
answer to keep em in my life. heck yeah. why would i end a relationship with someone for doing what they needed to do to move on. after all the relationship me and this person have has nothing to do with what else is going on in that persons relationship life now, forgiveness: as a professional counselor i am always amazed at the bad advice that some of my collegues give. foregiveness of the person is necessary for full recovery. problem is most folks need to understand its the ACTOR not THE ACT that is foregiven. I am not saying that what you did is right, acceptable or not as bad. The act was what it was. It was wrong and horrid. The foregiveness of THE ACT is the business of God and is entirely between God and the person who perpetrated THE ACT. On the other hand the ACTOR is more than the ACT they committed. All actors in the world have some good points somewhere. Not only that many were victims (in some 12 step groups we say "were all victims of victims") so getting beyond the anger, hurt and pain we hold onto requires us to basically confront our feelings about the ACTOR and the ACT as seperate things. Its a tough one but I have used this particular approach with victims of child sexual abuse on many occasions with good results. They never forgave the act but the actor took on a role that was differnt. One thing is the ACTOR lost a lot of power because wben looking at anyone from the role of a victim the victimizer (our ACTOR) has a lot more power. When one foregives the ACTOR they lose the power to further victimize and become the weak (and on some level pitiable) person they really are. Your choice, as it is to any victim, what you are going to do. Being a lifelong victim of any abuse or maltreatment is sad and pointless. I expect I will get a lot of really negative respones to this but I stand by the statement and always will. Good luck and God bless.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

Is it possible for men to flirt Posted: 8/4/2009 8:05:07 AM
Absolutely: A smile, A wink. A casual start up to a conversation. All those are flirting. Personally I love to flirt. I try and keep a lid on it though because it can lead to problems. I think a guy can very easily communicate his interest without becoming sexual in the least. In fact if more guys would do that they might just find the flirting leads to more and better relationships. Sex is great but it can wait.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

Baggage and the carry-on limit Posted: 8/4/2009 8:02:22 AM
It is not either of your faults that this happened. My question is how did he handle it? Was he apologetic for her behavior? Then he needs to choose the past or the future. Was he angry? if so did he deal with her by calling the police? if the answer is yes you have a winner. Question still is do you wanna go through the dealign with a psyco ex? I lost a good relationship in large part due to that. How you answer the question is up to you.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

STRESS. Got some? Posted: 8/4/2009 7:59:48 AM
Love does not conquor all. Time wins out sometimes. However I must say I believe that people have a choice. Sometimes its easier to take the easier choice and just deal with life problems alone rather than add a committed relationship to the mix. God knows I have been on both sides of that coin. In your case I think I would forget about why she was "not into me" and concentrate on what you learned about life and love from the situtaion. you found out you can still care about people. you know you can be supportive of someone, you found and mined your good qualities. Seems like you gained a bit. in answer to the last question my answer , until about three weeks ago, was a resounding NO. Then I realized that having a person in your life was a good thing and I should not make the choice for her that we could not work it out due to our life circumstances. If the relationship needs to end it should be a we thing not a me thing.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

When did we become old fuddy duddies? Posted: 8/4/2009 7:55:08 AM
no doubt. people can easily get the problem in their face and just ignore the good things in life. the little things and the great things about living are easily overlooked in the fact of mortage payments, job problems and lost relationships. the easy assumption is that life sucked then and will always suck. it will if you look at it that way but it does not have too. lincoln said "most people are just about as happy as they make their minds up to be" i agree with him

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Hello, and what do I need to know? Posted: 7/27/2009 3:43:29 PM
Rules have not changed really. You set the rules for what you want and stick to em. Now the new thing is you can make contact with people all over the world for friends and just to have fun. (or for something serious) best advice i can give you is be honest. tell people what you want and go from there. search your matches on pof and write to the guys that appeal to you. also set your blocks to block out folks you are not interested in. If a guy e mails you something you find offensive, tell him, block him and let it go. Not all guys on POF are bad people (nor are women-the later I know from personal experience) one last thing. if your coming out of a divorce you are probably not in a place where you should be looking for a serious relationship. go to some functions and have fun. Also try the other forums for hooking up with some female friends, particularly if you see a topic in the fun stuff that you are into. you might be surprised. being single in the computor age can be fun! happy

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

Dating an individual with no children, how much of an issue is it? Posted: 7/27/2009 3:37:27 PM
the situation you are talking about with the child leaving home is called the "empty nest syndrome". it is the second most likely time for marriages to end. Whether the empty nest syndrome is a problem or not depends on the closeness maintained over the years of child rearing and the willingness of the partners to turn their attention to the new phase of life and relationship where parenting is no longer the primary bond of the family. many folks, sadly, find they cant. as to whether being a partent makes you a better parnter? i cant even wrap my head around that one. i think a good parent can make a good partner but parenting itself is not going to make you a better life partner. in fact it might well make you worse. those who dont have kids at all do so for a variety of reasons. if they develop close relationships with a partner and others then they are just as good a bet for a ltr as anyone who has kids and they dont have the baggage of potential adult kids coming back to the nest and possibly bringing a family of their own.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

What is compassion? Posted: 7/24/2009 2:11:00 PM
to me its an odd word any way co meaning two or more and passion, well, you know that has several meanings not all of which have to do with sex. For me compassion is simply understanding that people hurt from time to time and feeling a degree of sympathy for them along with a willingness to help them deal with the hurt in whatever way they wish to try and help them find their path. as for the kitty i am moving out to save the little bugger and hope i dont get hit by the truck

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Can we go out and get what we want?? Posted: 7/24/2009 2:08:42 PM
At our age most of us remember a rolling stones song by the title of you cant always get what you want the question is not so much cnn whether you can get what you want its can you get it with the person you want it with and at the time and in the ammount you want it in. the answer to that, most times, is no. most of us want commitment at some point but all of us are different in some ways about the when and what that means. you seem like a pretty smart gal and not hard on the eyes. i think you will find your commitment at some point but you may find yourself waiting. patience after all is a virtue.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

To rub or not to rub? Is it the rub or the motion? Posted: 7/24/2009 2:05:41 PM
well callo, if i am offended by you taking care of yourself then i am not the one for you anyway. it might be a bit more fun to rub the stuff on each others backs, in fact i would love that about now, but i cant see why anyone would be offended unless they are looking for something that borders on the dishonesty of a "date face".

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

My mom is driving me nuts! Posted: 7/24/2009 2:04:05 PM
kalee my dear there are many people in this world who labor under the delusion they need another person to be whole. It is sad but if you think about it your mom is probably a woman who may have appeared content but might not have been so much so. I dont know what else was going on but if you really want to understand you might ask her about what contentment really was like. Also I dont blame her for wanting to be in love again. Its not easy being alone. Being alone in particular after the kids are gone and on their own. The empty nest is not a pleseant place for a lot of folks. Instead of arguing with her about why dont you stay alone why not support her in finding someone. asking questions and just helping her be happy. If you empower her to make the choice to be alone or to seek companionship she may just surprise you.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Things someone have experienced that are pleasant when meeting me... Posted: 7/24/2009 2:00:13 PM
I believe in truth in advertising. I am myself, nice or not. I do usually pick up the tab for that first (and way to often dreaded) coffee date but thats about it. I figure if i tell folks who i am up front there is not misunderstanding later. ends some dating relationships quick but thats a good thing.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Survival skills Posted: 7/21/2009 11:38:24 AM
You attract others by letting God show through you. Loving people others dont love. This old parrothead has spent the last 21 years in special ed rooms and prisons. those folks get little love in a world that rejects them for who they are and what they did (or in some cases both). As for what attracts me to want to get to know someone better: a her smile b her headline c her curiosity or childlike qualities not necessarily in that order

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

the circle Posted: 7/21/2009 11:33:51 AM
I can see your logic. I see the support group not as a need but as enrichment. I am better off for having those experiences and thus make my relationship better by being better myself.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

the circle Posted: 7/21/2009 11:32:31 AM
Need may be the caveat. there are no needs in life only wants with conditions. but i will always believe that having friends and things we like to do outside the relationship enrich us as people and our relationships are thus enriched as well.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

when the heart isnt enough........ Posted: 7/21/2009 11:30:16 AM
time and age do tend to change us. in fact some psycho geeks think men get more like women and women like men as they age. however there are changes that go with living and we have to learn to deal with them. it is easy to shut the heart down and not feel and just go thruogh life kinda lost. but whats the good of that? for some folks its avoidance of potential big pain by accepting on going smaller ones. sad thing really

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Men wait too long to end a relationship? Posted: 7/21/2009 11:28:05 AM
For me breaking up a relationship is hard to do because I dont want to hurt the gal. I have been around the block enough to know that there is no reason to hold onto something that cant work out long term but lots of guys, and i have been among them, will hold on for sex and occasional companionship. truth be told guys, as a rule, dont do so well with emotions that make a relationship work. we dont do break ups well and try the ignore it it will go away approach. too bad really any day spent on a dead end relationship has minimal return and has the potential for great harm to all involved.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Gods, aliens and ghosts Posted: 7/20/2009 10:37:01 AM
The ancient Gods were created to explain what was. Ancient man had little or nothing else to compare them too other than other people. Therefore the ancient gods, ghosts and aliens had to be compared to what was known and empowered to explain what was happening.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Nietsche: Morality devoid of Divinity. (A thinking man's thread) Posted: 7/20/2009 10:35:39 AM
Thinking is wonderful, its a way to understand things and quantify them. It fixes what is broke in the mechanical world. Believing, faith in the goodness of some universal power often makes life worth living, particularly for the downtrodden, the grieving and the ill. If God, or the represenative for universal goodness, is indeed dead where do the grieving and the downtrodden go for comfort in a world that does not care?

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

What would you ask? Posted: 7/20/2009 10:33:33 AM
Part of me would want to know the powerball numbers for the next seven weekly drawings but the better part of me would just want to know why things are the way they are and is there truly an order to it.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Evolution. Posted: 7/20/2009 10:32:17 AM
Having taught both creation science and evolution I can say without fear that I dont believe either of them are true. Both theories have holes in them that, if it were not on this subject and by those who support them, would not hold up at all as ever proper scientific theory let alone facts. For example: meta evolution, or the evolution within one type of creature is a proven fact. For example if evolution did not exist when did wild poodles roam the earth? answer is never. we bred em. As for the theory of evolution. From what I have read, and I have not read that extensivly. The odds of evolution going from non living matter to current evolutionary level of man would be about the same odds as hitting the lottery three weeks running with the same numbers. possible but im not taking the bet. In additon to that when it comes to scientific proof we can neither prove divine creation or random selection as the cause for life as we cant go question god on how he did it. nor can we take a rock and make it turn into a man. bottom line it cant be observed and cant be replicated. therefore scientifically speaking creation or evolution must always remain a theory.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

is time circular Posted: 7/20/2009 10:26:04 AM
As a history buff and teacher I can tell you for certain time is circular. That is why history always tends to repeat itself. As for the big bang its just an attempt to expalin something the true significance of which is beyond the limits of science. science tries to explain facts but leaves the feelings and anything that cant be measured behind. useful way of understanding some things, but , like everything else, it has its limits.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Are you trusting, optimistic, or both? Posted: 7/20/2009 10:23:56 AM
Becaue Tink some folks dont let go of the hurt. They carry it around like a badge of honor and use it as a shield against caring and living. If you cant learn to trust and ve vulnerable, trusting yourself to survive any hurt from the person on the other side of the realtionship. you are pretty much doomed to self fullfilling prophecy of lost love and being alone with either a poor me or possibly superior attitude. thing that make sit sad is that it all changes when you decide to let it go. you keep on posing questions and thinking, and most importantly trusting and believing. love is out there watching for an opening, but as some whit once remarked if you harbor bitterness happiness (and first mate love) dock elsewhere.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

the circle Posted: 7/20/2009 10:19:35 AM
I would ask you tink, not for me but for you, why do you make those choices? Are you really happy with em or jsut content? are you in a good groove space or are you in a rut? dont answer me cause its not about me. answer yourself.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

the circle Posted: 7/20/2009 10:17:49 AM
good thing you laughed bovine. i dont believe in being doomed to anything personally except to repeat mistakes till i learn from em.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

the circle Posted: 7/20/2009 10:16:32 AM
Hey at least you recognize the issue exists. Now the question is what are you going to do to make it so you have a circle around you?

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Just want to hang out and date Posted: 7/20/2009 10:11:38 AM
Good points bad points. Good points you found a fella in your age range (sort of) who can keep up with you. You have some things in common and enjoy companionship. Bad points: He wants an ongoing more steady relationship that you dont want and sulks when he does not get his way turning to booze for comfot. Question: if you got involved with this guy at the level he wants what happens when you keep your active social life , and personal interests up? will he sulk? will his drinking get worse? will you be able to talk your way out of it? Have YOU talked to HIM about the way you feel? Commuication is the key to any sucessful relationship. It either locks it out or locks it in but lack of it will kill the relationship eventually.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

Are you trusting, optimistic, or both? Posted: 7/20/2009 10:05:50 AM
As far as trust goes, to me, trust is the ability to accurately predict what a person will do in a given situation. Once I am around someone for a while I trust them completly because I get to know them pretty well and pretty quickly. However thats from years of having to do that professionally so I have an advantage there. Are most people basically honest? Really yes they are. Unfortunately it seems to me most folks dont know themselves very well. So what they tell you, particularly early on when the attachment phase of a relationship is forming, is honest but they being self decived may present things which are just not true. this is not lying so much as not knowing themselves. are there some folks who are out for themselves only? sure, but they are rare in the pond really. I think what it ammonts to is that in order to get into a relationship based on honesty and trust it takes time because most people do not naturally trust to open up early on. With the dating thing being mostly about putting your best foot forward and trying to win someone over while glossing over your faults (come on folks we all got em) it makes sense. And as the second part of the relationship happens, the discovery phase, it may seem a whole lot of lying was going on but its just people opening up about who they are and being vulnerable. makes sense really.

parrothead 13

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

What is it about the Pleiades Posted: 7/19/2009 12:29:30 PM
One answer might well be because it is a relativly well known star group so if one is going to make such a claim, one which would be at best difficult to prove, one should at the least use a place that the averave person who is interested in such things could identify without thinking too much on the subject.

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