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thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

what does it really take Posted: 11/22/2009 1:25:43 PM
If it were as simple as having all the right qualities then there would be a whole lot fewer men and women looking. Instead we all have things we want or need that the so-called perfect person may not possess. Would you settle for the right qualities or do you want the woman that is right for you?

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 159 (view)

Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw Posted: 11/21/2009 2:01:04 PM
“It's just that, while we all know now how YOU feel about it, there STILL exist in society those guys who won't consider a woman who gives it up "too soon" (ie, first date) as a serious dating prospect/marriage material.” the single greatest surprise of the forums was learning how prevalent this attitude is. i was naive enough to think 'slut' had been retired from the lexicon. Yeah, pretty sad isn’t it? I’m grateful to the forums for exposing how widespread this hypocrisy is. I can work on a good sexual relationship with a man I have feelings for regardless of who is more interesing or experienced in bed... What I cant change is a guy with a shtty personality who I just dont fcken like... and values that are different to my own. Two thumbs up - way up. There is nothing more important to establishing and maintaining a long lasting relationship than sexual chemistry. Sorry, but its the truth! Nope, sexual chemistry is the icing on the cake. I've got to respect and enjoy the company of the person to maintain a long lasting relationship. What happens if he becomes ill and can no longer "perform"? Do I just throw him away? Using your logic I would. What you seem to have forgotten is that the person is... just that - a person. They are not toys or a means to an end (sex).

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Guilty until proven innocent Posted: 11/15/2009 11:52:20 AM
Nope, never cheated. I have been accused and each time it turned out that the person was doing the cheating. Now I have to watch myself and do self-talk to keep from being suspicious when I meet new people.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

When to tell a new prospect about the female best friend? Posted: 11/14/2009 12:10:37 PM
"and people often assume that we're dating when we're out and about hanging out" That could be telling. Do you tend to be so close that you make someone you are dating feel threatened? Does your friend treat your girlfriends with respect or does she act possessive? Even more important if she bad-mouths someone do you tell them she's been doing so or do you tell your friend that she needs to back off and accept who you are with? As long as anyone you're dating isn't made to feel that you and/or the friend is just biding time till you and she are a couple you shouldn't have any problems.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

MATCH.com V p.o.f Posted: 11/14/2009 3:07:35 AM
I've been on the pay sites and you know what? Most of the guys on the pay sites are also on POF. Why pay for rejection when I can get it for free? Besides, through the forums I've made some great friends. Wouldn't have met them on the pay sites.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 76 (view)

I'm a 58 year old guy with young kids (Where is the POF/AARP/K-8 Forum?) Where do I fish? Posted: 11/12/2009 9:04:04 PM
Cotter, of course we are allowed to post our opinions. However your question about why he was interested in younger had already been answered in his original post so his response to your question about "why" makes sense. Nor did I miss where OP answered that that he thinks a younger woman is a necessity. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that his opinion is that women in this age group might be more likely to welcome his children because of the assumed ages of their children. I also told the OP that if he’s just after younger women I would be laughing at him behind his back, but why what care what others think?

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

I'm a 58 year old guy with young kids (Where is the POF/AARP/K-8 Forum?) Where do I fish? Posted: 11/12/2009 12:04:06 AM
Cotter, maybe you should re-read this part of the OP's original post: In any event, I think that looking at women between 35 and 55 is not unreasonable in my case, but I get this feeling (not verified by research and painting with a broad brush) that women 45 and older are looking to get to an empty nest ASAP and women under 44 are questioning why a 58 y/o guy is hitting on them or have filtered out guys over a particular age. (Although in truth, I've been a bit shy about fishing on the 35-45 part of the sea.) I think the OP was stating that he is concerned that women closer to him in age aren't going to want to have young kids around, not that he is only interested in a much younger woman. OP, there will be women closer to you in age that don't have a problem with your children, but they will be fewer than women that do - it's the same for women (there are men that don't want women with younger children). I do understand there won't be many in their 50's with children your childrens' age group - however there are some women that have had a "little surprise" later in life. If I thought you were only after younger women I'd still tell you to go after what you are interested in (while laughing at you behind your back). Why care what others think? As for the divorce I agree that will help you.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 167 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 11/9/2009 11:42:46 PM
If you included "mental breakups" then guys would swamp the catagory to like 90%. Guys won't officially breakup most times because they still use a girl for sex, money, or emotional crutches or due to pure fear of the breakup process. Girls tend to breakup because the man is already gone but he hasn't said so "officially". I think a lot of us have been trying to say this. Thank you. wannashakeyourtree, there are many women that know about women that abuse men and I'm sorry that we are too quiet about it.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Why do women have issues with time ? Posted: 11/9/2009 10:53:44 AM
manwich, there are plenty of men out there that can't tell time either. One thing I've noticed is that a lot of the people that can't be on time for plans with friends and family can get to work and places they want to be on time.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

My friend and I love the same girl Posted: 11/8/2009 4:47:52 PM
Here's what I'd like to know, would you be upset with your friend for having another woman on the side if you weren't interested in this girl? If you think it's ok I don't want to see you back on here later ranting about women having too many issues from being hurt because this is where it starts - young, naive people get involved with users and no one tells the user they're jerks. Instead they tend to hang around with them hoping for their castoffs and/or admiring them. If you aren't part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Dating someone who you`re sexually compatible but nothing more? Posted: 11/7/2009 4:29:06 PM
Every now and then kiddo I think you just might "get it" then you go and say something like: "This person is orignally from another country where the language barrier sometimes is an issue." So you think she is good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to make the effort to really get to know? I'd say this is part of the reason you are lonely.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Should we HELP others with their profiles here? Posted: 11/7/2009 4:04:21 PM
James, one thing I've noticed (remembering you from before) is that you are not as laid back as you think you are - also you're more judgmental.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Roller Coasting Lover Posted: 11/7/2009 2:32:49 PM
"He also said that he wants to be with me. But just not yet .... I'd like hear people's interpretation of that statement. My interpretation: I wanna go **** some other boys first just to be completely sure." Nope. You're totally wrong. He wants to play around while you mop around waiting on him. He doesn't want you, he just doesn't want you to want anyone else.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

feeling odd about this... Posted: 11/5/2009 11:26:35 PM
Well put lilac. I quite agree. As for crushes I'm almost 54 amd still get them.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/5/2009 10:48:18 PM
OP your attitude sucks. You've posted about this man several times so don't pretend you didn't know what you were getting yourself into. You expect him to accept you "as is", but you haven't ever shown me that you are willing to do the same for him. Looks to me like both of you are vying for position of top dog in this relationship. As for your snide comments to people that don't tell you what you want to hear one can easily imagine how you treat this man. At 60 it's time to grow up and get help.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Ex girlfriend shows up at work, eggs my house. help? Posted: 11/3/2009 10:48:06 PM
You really should contact the police. Find out what your rights are.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement? Posted: 11/1/2009 5:13:46 PM
I guess some women are learning another thing from the guys. Men have been doing this for years. The logic apparently is that the person wants children, but only their own.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

Did I do the right thing in telling... Posted: 11/1/2009 11:17:08 AM
thebugisback - What do you mean by the man tried to cheat the woman of her right to exercise her preference? Didn't she excercise her preference by continuing to maintain contact with him? That made no sense...What right do you mean? The one to lead him on, maybe?” Sorry this is so hard for you to understand. Woman #1 asked the man if he were dating anyone. He said no. After she found out he lied, she has not continued contact with him – there was no leading him on. As for exercising her preference that would be whether or not she wanted to be dating someone that dates more than one at a time. Some people (men as well as women) are more comfortable seeing only one person at a time. Misrepresenting yourself really has a lot of consequences... seems to me, not only is it inherently wrong, but it's also just easier to tell the truth. That was so good it bore repeating. bikeman, it's easy to miss things. I've done it. Everyone has.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

A friend's cheating husband Posted: 11/1/2009 10:19:42 AM
"is it possible to get the texts back?" Nope. I have to agree with the others that ask why you have these kinds of friends. Your one friend is encouraging a married man to flirt with her, the married man is an a$$ (who should be reported to the church) and the wife obviously is choosing to ignore her husband's behavior. And you hang around with them - why?

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Still friends? Should they be? Posted: 10/31/2009 9:57:18 PM
They hadn't dated, hadn't even met, and he WAS honest Were we even reading the same thread? I mean, seriously, the OP clearly wrote: Guy and Girl meet at online dating site, and go on a date. Guy and Girl hit it off well, and want to see each other again.” (bold mine) The OP also writes: Guy and Girl talk on phone OCCASIONALLY, but are more often texting or IMing. Girl is definitely interested in Guy, and Guy expresses interest as well. Girl tries to ask if free on a given weekend, day, whatever, but Guy has to work, or has a dental appointment, or promised to help a friend with something, etc. USUALLY, though, it's having to work late, or for weekends, sometimes having to work a weekend day, sometimes an unexplained not free that weekend. He does say though that he wants to see her again. Ok, so this goes on for four months, though IMs and texts become less frequent as time progresses. (again, bold mine) As for honest, what the man said was: Guy says when he said he was working, he actually was working. His excuses were more than just working so I wouldn’t call him honest (see above quote about dental appointment, etc). The man couldn’t make time for someone he said he wanted to see again. Nope, I'd say he's not friendship material. Edit: OP, since you have asked if it were the same scenario with the roles reversed I'd say the woman wasn't friendship material.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Still friends? Should they be? Posted: 10/31/2009 6:40:14 PM
Ahhhh 1kindman, the OP is a guy. OP, based on the scenario you've presented I'd have given up on this guy long before that conversation. As for "still friends?" I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who hadn't been honest with me.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Successful Coffee Dates? Posted: 10/31/2009 11:34:59 AM
"I always felt that if I was with a guy I liked and vice versa, coffee would never be boring - and so far, that's turned out to be true. I only get bored if I don't click with the guy." I couldn't agree more. I've had coffee dates that went on for hours and led to dating (then they find out I'm not relationship material).

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 66 (view)

Did I do the right thing in telling... Posted: 10/31/2009 11:29:35 AM
Here’s the lie: “... asked if he was currently dating anyone, he replied that he was not “ Whether people like it or not the OP did have the right to ask if the man were dating others. If he were honest he’d have said yes. He replied that he was not. That is called a lie. If anyone wants to date others while looking for the right one that is their right and I see nothing wrong with their choice, but why lie about it? Oh yeah, because some people will reject you if you are seeing more than one person. What the man did was try to cheat the woman of her right to exercise her preference.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

HOW CAN YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT CAUSING THAT PERSON PAIN? Posted: 10/30/2009 11:51:48 PM
“Your vicious rantings & assumptions are so far off, that I am not even going to address your ludicrous statements. What a horribly bitter person you have turned out to be. I hope I never get to that dark place you are in.” But is she so far off? Have you returned your ex’s favorite t-shirt or are you still proud that it bothers him that you have it? While we are responsible for our own reactions this does not give us the right to think of ourselves as blameless when we deliberately hurt or bait others.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 111 (view)

I've got two divorces behind me and, by golly, I filed for both of them. Posted: 10/30/2009 11:20:47 PM
Now that's an interesting point, also. Why do women, who choose the man, choose them so badly and then say men are to blame? It might seem women have never had more choice, and made it more badly from what u are saying. No I am not saying that I am "innocent". I did chose my first husband while still believing that because he asked me to marry him that he wanted to grow together. I think a lot of people assume that getting married means you are both going to be committed only to be shocked by reality. I also married my second husband harboring another silly belief, but that was delusional thinking on my part. However, this doesn't change the fact that both men had already checked out of the marriage by time I filed.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 10/30/2009 12:34:50 AM
I can only use my own experience. I've got two divorces behind me and, by golly, I filed for both of them. My first husband was content to stay in the marriage because he still behaved footloose and fancy free - had himself a wife and women that threw themselves at him. When I left he was shocked, but the reality was that it wasn't a real marriage because it takes two people working together to have a marriage. The second husband was a bit different, but he still did whatever he wanted to. We started fighting about his drinking. Somehow he felt I should be fine with him go out and driving home wasted. Finally one day he came to me and threatened that if I could not accept that he wasn't going to stop he was going to leave I responded with "You have one week to find another place." So yeah I was the one that filed, but neither of them was really into being married.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Fall Shutter Up Phenomenon Posted: 10/29/2009 12:37:50 AM
Man Wack, it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. Not too long ago I saw a post by some guy claiming women look to hook up during the holidays for someone to drag to family gatherings and get presents from. Accordingly these women also quickly dump the guy as soon as the holidays are over.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Did I do the right thing in telling... Posted: 10/29/2009 12:31:25 AM
Some people are saying that the OP asked the question too soon. I disagree. There are some people that are the kind that are most comfortable dating one person at a time and prefer that the person they might start seeing is on the same page. For them the question is best asked in the very early stages. And as Wiyan pointed out, "if that question had felt too personal to him, he could have declined it cavalierly with a wink. Did he tho? Nope-he outright lied to you!" So my vote is cast on the side of yes, you did the right thing.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

HOW CAN YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT CAUSING THAT PERSON PAIN? Posted: 10/28/2009 11:37:25 PM
You left out that breaking up is like removing a band-aid. The longer you take doing it the more it will hurt.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Do Women Really Play Matchmaker? Posted: 10/27/2009 10:58:40 AM
Whenever I see guys in here whining about not being able to find someone I have this overwhelming urge to try to match them with some women seen in here whining about not being able to find someone. Only real problem there is that both are usually too picky.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Why do so many think these things turn ladies away... Posted: 10/26/2009 11:25:35 PM
OP, do yourself a favor by going into relationships and checking out "Liberal vs Conservative". I think that free for all will help answer your question.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Why are girls so picky on this website? Posted: 10/23/2009 12:00:33 AM
Maybe, just maybe OP, we like Bluez's sweet stuff. It's much better than some guy putting down women for having better sense than to date a guy that really isn't into her.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Why are girls so picky on this website? Posted: 10/22/2009 11:50:35 PM
Speaking of pathetic - your profile consists of two words that have been enlongated to fill space making your profile a mess. Edit: Cheer up Red. Maybe you should get out the Man Bat.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 45 (view)

My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad Posted: 10/18/2009 6:47:59 PM
And then there are the people that say their spouse is wonderful, that they have good sex, but feel they are entitled to have more of whatever they want - what the spouse doesn't know won't hurt them. I have a friend that went through that phase. Through his job he was around people that felt entitled and it rubbed off.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

Tear Jerker Movies Posted: 10/17/2009 9:05:06 PM
There are some good movies mentioned here, but for romance and tears one of my favorites is "Always". Other movies that choke me up are: "The Fisher King" "My Life" "Stranger than Fiction"

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Thing's a woman likes for a guy to do for her? Posted: 10/17/2009 7:48:34 PM
I've yet to find the guy that doesn't think helping with the dishes is beneath him. When I do, I sure hope he finds me interesting. Sincerely helping with household chores would be very appreciated.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Profile review please Posted: 10/17/2009 3:23:29 PM
Your profile isn't bad, but it is kind of dry. If you aren't able to interject more of your personality into it try using pictures of you actually doing things you enjoy. Speaking of pictures you have a great smile, but it is nice to have pictures of more than just your face.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

What do you think of this? Posted: 10/17/2009 12:50:14 PM
Attacking people that tell you that this guy is a loser is not going to stop him from being a loser. Do yourself a favor and quit making excuses for him. If one of your friends came to you for advice about a man that behaves this way you'd be a horrible friend to not tell her he's a loser and she's a fool to put up with his behavior.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

what do I do? Posted: 10/17/2009 12:20:28 PM
I checked out your posting history. Do not use telling as a way to be with or near him. He is not going to be grateful and come back to you. It is time to let this guy go of this guy. Seriously.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 75 (view)

What is with the insults?!?! Posted: 10/16/2009 10:54:58 AM
Minau, I didn’t say blocking IE would get rid of all the nasty email – just that it will help. “But don't you think it's funny how badly they want you and how hot and sexy you are before you turn them down and they then tell you that you're ugly and would have to be in prison for 50 years before they would want you? So why are they trying so hard to hook up with someone they don't want?” Yup, that’s why I don’t take the nasty emails seriously. I do find interesting what the guys are saying about men getting more upset when rejected by women they think are beneath them. However, I keep reading women can be pretty nasty when rejected also. Do you think the women that are nasty are doing it using the same kind of logic?

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

What is with the insults?!?! Posted: 10/11/2009 6:49:24 PM
"what percentage of men who you have turned down do this? And what percentage of all messages from men have pics of their privates attached?" Actually that is a good question. The percentage used to be higher (close to 25%), but since I added the IE restrictions it's gone down to less than 1%. This is why I advised the OP to do so in my first response to this thread. And kindman you are forgiven.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 84 (view)

Liberal vs conserative Posted: 10/11/2009 6:36:50 PM
Guess being conservative puts me in the loser category. Shame because I actually like it when people are willing to discuss differences. Sometimes I've changed my mind, sometimes the other person has and sometimes we just agree to disagree. And to think I was going to ask Halftimedad to immigrate to the states and marry me. sigh

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

What is with the insults?!?! Posted: 10/11/2009 4:24:04 PM
1kindman4u - I know you meant well, but you are wrong. I'm a fatty and frankly this site has been much better for finding men than the BBW sites. A quick look at the testimonials in here will show that fatties can find happiness on POF.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Firgiving a cheating spouse? Posted: 10/11/2009 4:04:55 PM
So you came here this year? No you didn't. Your join up date is under your profile and clearly states 10/16/2008. Lying is not cool. If things are as you say, why would you take this woman back? It's not like she cared about you or your child. She was thinking of herself and will be gone as soon as she finds a suitable replacement.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

What is with the insults?!?! Posted: 10/10/2009 9:50:12 PM
Msg 39 - Just so you know lots of men have suggestive pictures on their profile - so yeah, men do it too. This does not mean it is ok to send anyone that dresses in a way that you, me or anyone else deems inappropriate an insulting email.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Question for the ladies Posted: 10/10/2009 6:26:13 PM
Worst first contact email? Hmmmm... probably. "You aren't really fat, are you?" - No, I just say that because I'm on a dating site looking to stay single. The funniest I've ever gotten was from an 19 yr old looking for sex. It wasn't his initial email that was funny, but the follow up about a month later had me in stitches, "Have you changed your mind yet?"

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 119 (view)

Men & woman of a certain size??? Posted: 10/10/2009 3:43:36 PM
Ms edencapwell, it is against the rules to have a fake profile. See rule: Deleted Profiles If you go through the process of deleting your profile it is gone for good. We cannot restore your profile. If your account was deleted and you have been banished by the computer that means you broke some rules. The most common reasons for being deleted are: 1. Like every other major site we block users from Africa, Romania, Turkey, India, Russia etc. 2. You must be 18+ 3. You uploaded nude/bad images etc 4. A lot of users reported that you were rude/mean. 5. Soliciting people for any reason or sending spam. 6. 1 profile per person, no fake profiles , no harassing etc 7. You didn't complete the sign up process and our system removed your profile. Plentyoffish is the only major site that regularly removes users we believe are not fit to use our service. About .5% of users are deleted for being repeatedly rude, mean, harassing or insulting to other users.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

What is with the insults?!?! Posted: 10/10/2009 2:23:08 PM
"Jerks are everywhere and the anonymity of the internet makes it easier to be rude." OP, you may want to try adding the "Intimate Encounter" blocks to your profile. Several of us have noticed that this seems to weed out "those" kind of people - not all, but an amazing number of them.

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

A real woman Posted: 10/10/2009 2:11:59 PM
Ok, I peaked at that site. Girls, I don't think we should laugh that hard at the guys. After all, there is a Male Real Doll available too. shudder

thebugisback

Joined: 10/21/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

I never go for looks, should i? Posted: 10/9/2009 10:30:43 PM
HE HE I love these replys!! After reading lots of Ladys profiles on here, i understand why dating sites exist!! I'm not saying men arent superficial, but at least 75% of women are!! I like making up statistics!!” Im saying that women who are good looking often are the nicer people, sorry if there is any confusion!! Also i think 85% of women are good looking. And 0% of men he he!! Why do people want to delete this post?!! I got bored and went on a Troll Hunt. By golly, I’ve spotted one.

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