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RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Thank you Posted: 8/14/2007 2:34:23 PM
Oh no! Ah geesh. Maybe it's just a little cold feet. Hmm, well sometimes older men, well a lotta men really, need to step back and evaluate. I hope that’s all it is. Was that all he said? No warning he was unhappy? No spat? Just poof? Well, he did at least say something before he disappeared but I’m of the opinion that all things can be worked out. Even as friends. Keep us posted. I’m aching for ya big time here. Mel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

A POF success story.. Posted: 7/24/2007 2:17:04 PM
What a wonderful story! Ah those four hour lunches! Those four hour everythings! I'm glad you didn't lose faith, nor did I! Been with my fishie three months now. You're right, it is a daily labor of love but so worth it. I've also made some great friends here, one nice guy at a time. I just finally found one that was friend and lover! Yay! Best of luck to you and your new love! Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Keeping The Giddy Alive Posted: 7/21/2007 4:37:46 PM
Aw Gary, with that attitude you will certainly find her! It is indeed a constant and consious effort to be romantic, to cultivate the "giddy." I've always been the type that HAS to have something to look forward to. The only way I can get through the weeks where BF and I only have one night together is to make that night special, a real date night. Nothing expensive. Can even be a dvd and a pizza, but a shared experience nonetheless. Anniversaries are important to me, something to be celebrated! Any little gesture thrills me, but gestures there should be! My BF doesn't ignore these things, he enters into the spirit just fine. But I sense a certain sadness, an emotional wall at times. He acknowledges this. I took it as a lack of love, but I think now it is just a weariness, a fearful hesitance. But never a desire to break things off so I'm holding on, too, and trying to be understanding. pmynx, I've been in situations like yours. My marriage was the friendliest in the world, with absolutely no passion or romance the last few years. Be careful of resigning yourself to that. Now more than ever we deserve every day to be fantastic in some way. It's not that the guy needs to shower us with jewelry or flowers, but just knowing in some small way that he cares, or misses us, or anticipates us. My BF is pretty darn good at this, but still I watch things like a hawk. I keep my "Complacency Monitor" on full power. I'd spend a lot of time talking to your fiance before you take such a dramatic step. You'll be glad you did, even if the marriage doesn't happen. Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Keeping The Giddy Alive Posted: 7/20/2007 6:59:17 PM
Ah yes, just like Barbie and her accessories, we all have issues. My BF and I are both artsy types, both raised in the south, both had one alcoholic parent and one nurturing one. But we took very different paths in life as far as the folks we chose to fill it. He chose the freak show (including some of the wives, lol) and I chose something FAR more stable than I had ever known as a kid. I'm grounded and idealistic, he is jaded and weary and a little scared. But there is this incredibly gentle goodness in him. And I have to say, no matter how shaky things get (which is actually rare when you think of how it COULD be, given our pasts) he, like you FSU1965, just holds on. I misinterpreted a lot last week, was at one point really doubtful, and I can remember on the phone he said, "Well I'm not giving up on this. You may think you are, but I am not." I'll say with great petulance, "Don't say you love me anymore. Not until you are sure!" And he'll say, "Okay, okay, I promise. Now goodbye and I love you!" Aggh! He is maddening. But yep, no matter what I believe in Giddy. Even if the giddy morphs into contentment, I still want to resurrect the best of it, get a little tingle going even when we are 90. That might involve little more than licking peach sherbet off each others toothless mouths, but hey, it's giddy! Thanks everyone! Stay sappy! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Keeping The Giddy Alive Posted: 7/19/2007 7:46:58 PM
Hi and thanks everyone for the comments so far! Yes, this was just a tiff, a vague statement turning into something apocalyptic (momentarily, lol.) I’m not gonna toss him away fer sure. But the situation got me wondering if my expectations were unrealistic, if they were inherently female, and how others deal with this kind of thing. Offthewheel I also happen to believe that romance can be maintained indefinitely. Not as a constant, life-sucking exercise but as a conscious effort made at the right times. We communicate well, that’s never been the issue (he jokingly says he never has to worry what I’m thinking, lol.) But it seems lately real life is breathing down our necks. We’ve been together only three months, a “summer of love” and since I work in academia my life is about to get even busier. Maybe this is a problem for a lot of couples. Folks have to work SO much to maintain any semblance of comfort or security. One job, two jobs. Throw in family and maybe one hobby and whew, who has time to give to a lover? Even if you get time you are exhausted. This is what we are going through. We’re working on a few solutions, but last week I was feeling peevish and overwhelmed. It happens, sigh. And, wow, I do appreciate what he does do, and I give back tenfold. We definitely nurture one another and that is important. I just don’t want the spark to die. Lol, yesterday we had a little time to kill before our date and I walked in and threw a Fredericks Of Hollywood catalog in his lap. “Here, go shopping,” I said. “Just remember, I’m shaped like a pear!” He thumbed through it, grinning, and said, “Lord, lord, I feel like I’m 14 again.” I guess so long as we can still joke about it, we’re doing alright. Thanks again! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Keeping The "Giddy" Alive Posted: 7/19/2007 2:37:16 PM
My boyfriend and I had a bit of a tiff last week. I felt wounded when he said he didn’t feel that giddy, over the top, breathless, heightened romantic love for me. He said he’d felt it before in former relationships, but now, after more than one failed marriage he was just too jaded and fearful to get there . . . at least not yet. He’s thinking therapy might help. He also said in the past he was too impulsive, and so many of those manic relationships were fueled by alcohol (he does not drink at all now, not for almost two years.) Well, after getting off my hormonal high horse I began to wonder . . . is it more a female thing to feel and wish to maintain that “new relationship energy,” that euphoria, giddiness characterizing a new relationship? Is that kind of thing just too stressful, annoying or exhausting for a man to maintain? They must enjoy it on some level because most of my exes were intensely romantic in the beginning. I’m not necessarily talking about the thrill of the hunt here. My boyfriend is completely attentive, fast becoming the best ever in this area. But even after three months I’d like him to jump my bones once in a while when we only have thirty minutes to spare, or write me a love note, or proclaim his love in some way other than just the words (which he says often.) Not 24/7 of course but I happen to believe romance can be consistent and can build with time, not diminish into a blasé comfort level. Maybe I’m just an oddball here. Maybe women today are a lot less restless and yearning than I am. I’m by no means trashing the male gender here. Just wondering how others factor romance into their lives, how important it is (meaning romance, not just the existence of love.) Is it ever a point of contention? Rapunzel

rapunzelrapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Finding true love Posted: 7/18/2007 12:21:32 PM
Ya'll are so cute! Best of luck to both of you. Keep us posted! Rapunzel

rapunzelrapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

hoping it all works out Posted: 7/18/2007 12:18:47 PM
Sounds great! Don't worry, a few differences are normal. How long you been going out. My fishie and I are celebrating three months tonight. Yay! Best of luck, Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Shedding the Mask Posted: 7/13/2007 2:02:20 PM
Wow, MapleSweet that’s terrible about your Ex H that you knew ten years. Did you live together at all before that? I admit I am analyzing every aspect of my current love. He’s 50, a dearly attentive man, sexy, kind, passionate, etc. But he’s been married before . . . uh, more than once, lol. So I wait and watch. I can’t imagine him ever being anything but the precious person he is today, but stories like yours scare me to death. I definitely know I won’t marry him until we live together at least a year. But we aren’t to that point yet, just thinking aloud. I’m trying very hard this time around not to drop the mask of consideration. Certainly there are times when I’d rather be sloppy or self-absorbed or intent on some Lifetime channel movie. But I try to always be polite, always treat him like an honored guest in my life. I think I took too much for granted in my first marriage, and so did my Ex. It’s so easy to do. Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 61 (view)

The WEDDING ---WOULD YOU DO IT YOUR WAY, THE 2ND TIME AROUND Posted: 7/13/2007 1:48:15 PM
My wedding was on stage of the theatre where I met my husband. Definitely MY production and I called almost all of the shots, even scripted it. My poor Ex, lol. It was way too huge, half the bridesmaids I don’t even talk to anymore. Next time around I will still plan it like a show, but something simpler. Probably relaxed and bohemian, much more personal than theatrical, but still interesting and off-beat. My only bridesmaid will be my niece. I’d try to save on the ceremony and spend the bulk on a wonderful tent party or the banquet hall of an unusual restaurant. Beyond that, it will really depend on who I marry, as I’d like both our personalities to shine through this time around. I’d like to think my next husband would take more of an interest. Hah, yea right, lol.

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Love on the 'net, at our age. . . . Posted: 7/13/2007 1:22:34 PM
I used to always expect the best of people. I miss that girl sometimes, lol. Perhaps you had good luck with the people from the political forums because the initial exchanges were not about dating? You can learn a lot about people by looking at how they react in a group or forum situation. When corresponding with a meet and greet in mind a Catch-22 can occur. If you wait too long the person has way too time to create a false façade, either because they want so badly to make a good impression, or they are just a sleazy charlatan. Meet too soon and you may be in for some nasty surprises. My early meet with my present BF was not, but I think it was all luck. We did not have time to get all moochy, smoochy through IM and email. We were just meeting as potential friends. No pressure. That helped I think, no time to build huge expectations. To answer you, yes, I think I am certainly more jaded and cautious now, but only in the sense I do not meet them at my home nor job. I don’t hop in their car. Otherwise I think I am just as open and friendly, without giving out too much fodder for potential stalkers. If this relationship tanks I’d certainly attempt online dating again. Heck, we all work so much this day and age (at least I do, wah!) how else we gonna connect? Sigh. Good question, btw. Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

Over 45 Men, How should we dress? OK Ladies fire away! Posted: 7/10/2007 7:24:59 AM
Lol, FunGuy, how about sandals and knee highs . . . with a skirt? Hee hee hee. I do sometimes have to wear hose with high heeled sandals. Just so other parts of the outfit are smoooooooth. Control Top is my friend! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Over 45 Men, How should we dress? OK Ladies fire away! Posted: 7/10/2007 7:00:59 AM
I thought my boyfriend (50) was a little too casual our first date, but he wanted to show his personality and he did! We were meeting at an outdoor bar in Spring, so the cargo shorts were fine. The hippie shirt and hemp jewelry I thought a little much, considering we were going to see a play after (still I did say casual over the phone, so . . .) I encourage him to wear jeans and a little less tie-dye these days, saving the hippie wear for when he is playing with his band. My favorite look for him is these Seven brand jeans I found for a song, white tank under an open Calvin Klein shirt with the teeniest floral pattern. It looks 70’s enough to please him and he can wear his silver or hemp jewelry with it and look more David Cassidy than Stoner Dude, lol. He has great tats on both arms and he works out just enough for definition, so the sleeveless shirts are okay in moderation, depending on the event. What I can’t stand are the body builder types who wear tight pants and tanks EVERYwhere, leaving nothing to the imagination. Every man has a certain style and I love when they embrace that. One of my long term boyfriends was a tweedy Alan Alda type, very L.L. Bean with suede patches on the elbow. Total opposite of the guy I date now but I always stop and look at a “nerd” decked out well, lol. Things I hate: Baseball caps unless they are ON the field, socks with sandals or just Birks in general. Sandals on guys just doesn’t seem clean looking to me. Just my own peeve I guess. I’ve had to bite my tongue on that, being with the hippie musician, lol. But I figure he’s a grown man who owns his style. I’m sure some of my prissy work clothes turn him off as well. As for guys not really sure what their style is, go to a nice clothing store and look for a female associate, one you feel comfortable with. Perhaps buy some things from her over time so she will become confident giving you advice. I suppose a gay male associate would work, too, but they may try to impose their style, depending on the individual (I have found for suits a male associate seems to have the best advice, gay or straight.) Either way, once you find someone you trust start to take chances with little things. I don’t suppose men will ever understand the female penchant for clothes, clothes, clothes, but if you have someone to help eliminate the guesswork, shopping can be fun! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 76 (view)

Go Grey or dye? Posted: 7/2/2007 2:47:54 PM
Moraima, have you seen recent pics of Emmy Lou Harris? What a silver fox she is! I'm not ready to go gray yet, but when I do you can bet I'll still wear it long (well at least to my shoulders.) Gray hair can make a definite statement, but you gotta be creative and bold. Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

Dance of the sexes................... Posted: 7/2/2007 2:42:57 PM
I prefer to make the first move. In fact I hid my profile so I could be in control of that. This was partially because I could not date at certain times cause of my job, and partially to stop the really weird emails I was getting. But when I saw his pic I did not hesitate to write him. We're in week 10 of a super fun relationship. Exclusive, too! Yay! Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 59 (view)

Go Grey or dye? Posted: 6/30/2007 10:49:24 AM
I had significant gray by my early thirties. No way I was having that. I color religiously. So does my boyfriend in fact, lol, and it lookes awesome. Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Life expectancy Posted: 6/26/2007 1:41:09 PM
I’m with you, Eddie. I’d like to get published. I have two hundred pages of historical fiction tucked away . . . somewhere. Sigh. I’d also love to sing really well in front of people. I doubt that’s gonna happen though. I’m a reeeeeeeally bad singer, lol.

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

It really works Posted: 6/26/2007 1:32:45 PM
Hooray for both of you!! Keep us posted on the wedding plans! Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Pre Date 'Meet & Greet'... Goes Horribly Wrong! Posted: 6/26/2007 7:45:39 AM
Wow, what a story! I can't believe the woman didn't even take a spit bath, lol. I've had . . . hmmm, maybe six meet and greets from POF since joining two years ago. One guy seemed promising, I liked his pic, but when we'd talk on the phone I could hear his three year old up at all hours several nights in a row. Screaming and yelling. Obviously no discipline in that house. When we finally met he trashed his ex all the time, talking about how she got gastric by-pass surgery, lost over a hundred pounds, and dumped him, hee hee. He obviously wasn’t impressed by me, awwwwwww, and stood me up for the date we’d made the next night. I wasn’t heartbroken by any means but it did tick me off that a person of such obvious jerkiness would insult ME. Ah well. One guy I thought was quite handsome and although he was at a transitional point in his life (ie, no job, lol) I thought he would be okay to hang out with. After our first and only date he started making excuses why he couldn’t do this or that, and ultimately he wrote me this long rambling email about how he knew I was the one and he wanted to make me happy and to just bear with him through this difficult time of living in his friend’s grandmother's basement, trying to get his “music business” started, etc., etc. Heck all I wanted was a date. I dumped him. One significantly younger guy ended up being a rude little weirdo. I dumped him after the third or fourth date. One guy was fun company until he started groping. I wasn't into him that way at all so I cooled things, he left a few peevish messages and that was that. No ill will towards him, though. One guy stated outright he didn’t think we’d be a match but I sounded like fun to hang out with. We now have a standing margarita date where we talk about our online experiences, lol. He’s tons of fun. My LAST M&G was with Randall57 and he basically spilled his whole life in the first night. Way TMI but I guess he wanted to make sure there were no surprises later. He was such a larger than life personality, so talented (singer, songwriter, guitarist) that I accepted a second date. And . . . here we are almost three months later totally in lerv! So darn sappy. Sometimes the differences that give us pause at first can be interesting and dynamic. I don’t mean what YOU had to deal with. I guess it all has to do with how a person is living their life TODAY. The past is the past, unless it is a REALLY shady one, lol. It helped that Randall57 was a complete gentleman, attentive, sweet, CALLED WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD, etc. I knew, quirky as he was, that I’d at least made an interesting friend. I ended up with even more! So don’t give up. Maybe Bank Teller Lady is the one! Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Even If I haven't found him.. I have found many wonderful friends.... Posted: 6/25/2007 1:18:24 PM
I met a great drinking buddy on here. We get together and talk about all our online dating fiascos, lol. We corresponded for about a month on here, and he was the first to say, "Well I don't think we are a match but you sure sound like you'd be fun to hang out with." And he MEANT that! We have a standing margarita date, lol. The site also helped me meet people in the area where my new job was, which is an hour away from my home. I met a coupla people in music here (I'm not a musician, I'm in theatre but creative folk are creative folk!) So when I met my current fishie, a musician, I was already a little familiar with his scene. Wanna know the best part of this site? The incredible galpals I have met and corresponded with. Women from all over the states! Even though we haven't met face to face you can bet I'll look them up if I am ever in their area. I feel closer to them than some of my local acquaintances! POF has great merit. It has amused me for two years and I think (and hope, hope, hope) I have met The One from here. Time will tell! But it's like you said, you have to approach it with courtesy and a realistic attitude. It was always more important to me to meet friends than a soulmate. And it was Randall57's laid back, positive vibe that prompted me to write him in the first place. I'm so glad I did! Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

I'm done!!! Posted: 6/25/2007 1:02:25 PM
I'm so sorry you had a run of jerks. I don't know why common courtesy has gone out the window these days. It's an epidemic. I've met some real losers since I started online dating, and I've met some bigger losers in the real world. Same with my girlfriends of all shapes and sizes. However I do seem to have found someone after two years on POF. He adores me even though I am probably at my heaviest weight ever. The good ones are out there, but it takes a lot of weeding through. I had all but given up myself. Don't let a few clueless jerks affect your self esteem. I'm sure they are no prize either! Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

OMG!!! After 6 months, I finally found my fish!!!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 6/22/2007 2:24:45 PM
Yay you! Hey, took me two YEARS! But I found my fishie, too! And I had totally given up, hidden my profile, rarely even hit the Search engine. It was just by chance I got some goofy email that made me come back here and there his pic was in the row of ones from my area. Something told me to write him and WHAMMO! Must be luv! Have a great ride! Rapunzel (loving her Randall57)

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

middle aged & multiple divorced- a red flag or not? Posted: 6/22/2007 11:01:30 AM
My boyfriend came from an unhappy marriage. He once told me from the time he was a young teenager he dreamed of spending his life in a happy marriage. It was always a major goal. Now why he married the holy terrors he did is beyond me, lol. Ok, joking . . .sorta. I waited until I was almost 29 to marry, was scared to screw up after such a close call in grad school (oy, if I had married THAT guy, geesh!) So now I am VERY cautious about the second time around. I’m not as fearless as I used to be and the idea of making a mistake at 43 scares me considerably. Then I look at Randy and how optimistic and loving he is, like a puppy. He still believes in the fairy tale. And that is pretty endearing to see in a man.

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

now that you are OLDER/MIDDLE AGED, do you spend less time on grooming? Posted: 6/22/2007 7:40:48 AM
Hmmm, I’m still pretty prissy. Takes even more time now that I have to roll my hair instead of just wearing it long and wavy. I have to dress up for work every day, too. I feel gross if I leave the house without make-up and never fails, inevitably if I do I run into someone I know, lol. I’m less vain about my weight, which I don’t think is a good thing. I’m trying to get that old motivation back. I think exhaustion factors in there. It was easy to be fit when I wasn’t working 55 hours a week, and most weekends. One thing I am trying to do is not be too careless around my new boyfriend. He sees me without makeup often, of course, since I stay over. But when we are out and about I always try to look pretty. I don’t want to fall into that comfort zone where I no longer make an effort for him, or for me. Besides, the older I get the more money I have to spend on pretty things. I like to be pretty and prissy! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

middle aged & multiple divorced- a red flag or not? Posted: 6/22/2007 7:28:44 AM
Lol, hey girlfriend! I think I’m the friend you mentioned. Yep it did throw me for a bit of a loop when my fish told me, at 50 years old, he’d been married 4 times. They all lasted respectable amounts of time, though, several years in fact, and he’d often lived with them at least a year or so before. I think after sowing some wild oats in his twenties he became a confirmed serial monogamist, loves being in a committed relationship, takes great comfort in that. Understandably he is not wanting to make me W-5 and screw it up, lol. So we are just taking things slow. I’m in no hurry to be anyone’s wife right now. I just want to keep learning who he is as my SINGLE boyfriend. What concerns me somewhat is how very different I am from his past gals. Not just in basic ways, my whole personality and take on life is different. Those were pretty dramatic relationships whereas, like him, I’m far more easy-going, nurturing, calm . . . Think he will get bored of the lack of drama, lol? I think people reveal themselves pretty early in a relationship. There are plenty of red flags to be aware of, but number of marriages/relationships doesn’t factor in with me, unless I get the abuse vibe (which I have on one occasion and I dumped him forthwith!) The first thing I look at is how much those relationships still dictate their lives. I understand it takes a while to get over the pain of divorce, but after awhile I expect my lover to live in the moment and live through the perspective of “us” not any past “we’s” Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

sorry been away Posted: 6/19/2007 9:49:18 AM
And the new pic is awesome! Congrats on the weight loss. You are looking rather chic there, mi-lady . . . pagey, lol!

rapunzelrapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 86 (view)

women always marking their territory. What the hell is that about? Posted: 6/13/2007 10:22:49 PM
Well, I live an hour from my guy, whom I met on here by the way. But since I work in his town it's convenient if I can stay over two nights a week. He asks for more, but it's very hard to manage. After about three weeks of trying to remember every time what to pack, I just bought duplicates of everything I need, and a little red hamper to put them in. I have a small section of closet just for me. He even tells me he finds it comforting, seeing the stuff. Tells him I will be back, that his home is a little bit of my home, too. As many women have pointed out on here, if we could just brush our teeth and go would you want us very much? No make-up, sweats, t-shirt, lank hair? EVERY day? Nah, didn't think so. It's extremely inconvenient for women, particularly those with real jobs where they have to dress nice, to stay over. It is SO awesome to have someone who understand that not only is love-making a special event, but my staying with him, in his arms, throughout the night, is a privilege that doesn't just happen on a whim. He sees the effort. And so I make the effort for him. I do try not to clutter his sink if I know I won't be back for a couple days. Like tomorrow is Thurs, and I won't be shacking here again until Saturday, thus the Noxema, toothbrush, etc., get tucked in the red hamper. I do understand I am not his roommate, don't wanna be. I HAVE a home. I am a guest, and he treats me like a valued one! Rap

rapunzelrapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Holy Robot Chicken Posted: 6/13/2007 6:24:13 PM
Well, my fishie told me a LOT about his past on our first date, and he says to this day he was surprised I didn't run for the hills. Hooray for her! Your lady obviously saw the special side to you despite the temporary setbacks. I'm so glad I didn't run. I'm more in love than ever. Rapunzel (been two months for us, too!)

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 286 (view)

SHORT GUYS Posted: 6/12/2007 2:49:02 PM
I like that idea, travelinman222. Finding someone beautiful in our eyes and hoping it is mutual. I've dated men of all heights and only very rarely found the shorter ones to be aggressive, and even then it was more of a boldness, nothing negative. Two months ago I met a guy on here who boldly listed his height as 5'6" (same as mine.) When he clarified my height over the phone he openly joked about his last blind date who said she was our height but turned out to be 5'9." Then he said, "Oh, who cares? I'll just be your dwarf!" I loved that he was so comfortable in his skin to joke like that. I've always worn very high heels, love platform shoes, etc. He walks proudly beside me, bounds over to me when I arrive and angles up his face to kiss me. Just as sexy as can be to me, and I've never felt anything but completely safe and protected with him. I once asked him as we were leaving for some formal event, and I was in four inch heels, if it bothered him. He said, "Naw hunny, you are well worth the climb." LOL! Now who could resist that? Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

when you give up for good, it happens Posted: 6/12/2007 2:39:10 PM
My profile has been hidden on here for months. A few months ago I made a last ditch effort, just to meet someone, ANYone and he ended up being the most rude little twerp ever. I planned to take myself out of the POF game altogether. But stuff got busy. I rarely checked here, didn't think much about anything as pertains to dating online or otherwise. Then I got notification on email that someone had written me. Turned out to be one of those weird form letters so I deleted it. Then I noticed Randall's picture in the row of ones from my area. Something about him felt comfortable, and so I wrote him. That was two months ago and we've become inseparable. I plan to write more about it once we get a little more time under our belts, lol. For now just wanted to say I totally agree! There are some awesome men out there, yes even on this FREE site. I'm so incredibly happy, and hearing other's stories makes me grin ear to ear! RapunzelRapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 171 (view)

Sparks in the strangest places! Posted: 6/9/2007 7:54:33 PM
This is a great topic and I’m sorry I am joining in so late. A few months ago I had become so jaded I would have said, definitely, unless you come away from the first F2F with an excitement, yearning, pitter-pat, tingle, etc. then just move on, babee. Then, sigh, enter Randy from this site. I wrote him first, but would have never found him except I got an email from one of those really strange birds who send you the same form letter every few months just in case you forgot what a loser they are and want to ride into the sunset. I deleted it as usual. Anyhoo, thanks to POF there are all those lovely pics of men in our area. I saw Randall, loved his pic, loved that he was creative (musician with a BFA 1979 in theatre, and I am in theatre, MFA 1989) and just loved the honesty of his statements. I mostly felt comforted that he was wanting a friend to share music with, see plays, films, etc. So I wrote him on a Monday, and we talked on the phone by that Wednesday. We made tentative plans for the following week, but he ended up having a schedule change that very night, and I’d mentioned a workshop play performing where I work, so he asked if I’d like to get a drink, then see the show. So we met, literally, within two and a half days of first correspondence. The interim had just been newsy emails about where we went to college, and mutual theatre friends. The commonalities were great, I loved his sexy pic, and he seemed just great on the phone. So imagine my surprise when I turn around at the café and see this little scruff in cargo shorts, hemp necklace, and wild Indian print caftan styled shirt? And Birk knock-offs with socks, oh my! That’s usually a deal breaker right there, lol. So, he had warned me he was short, and he had it there plain as day on his profile. This guy was small, but very toned. I didn’t know at the time but he was boyish and chiseled beneath the hippie shirt, lol. I like short guys so no biggie (pun not intended, lol.) His hair was the same as his pic, kind of below-ear bobbed, wavy, but he’d dyed it golden brown. No gray! (He is 50 by the way.) At first I was disappointed but had to allow it did suit him. And well, it ain’t like this Miss Thang don’t summon the forces of Miss Clairol every month for HER gray. He had similar glasses as his picture, and the most incredible blue eyes. We made quite a pair though, sitting stiffly at the outdoor café. I in my work clothes (a hideous tangerine colored peasant dress and Anne Klein slides, gag, I wasn’t dressed in my normal jeans and cowboy boots style at all) and he dressed like a twenty year old. We had an hour to talk before the play. He told me EVERYthing. Every marriage (yep, more than one) every set-back, every goober thing he’d done in the last twenty-five years. I was on my guard. He never once disrespected the past women in his life, nor made excuses, placed blame, nothing, just this need to peel back the toadskin and reveal every potential wart. I mulled over it all as we watched the play. I was solicitous as I drove him home. He asked to sing for me. It was beautiful. Throughout the whole date I had the sense he wanted so badly to please me, not in a “be my woman, PLEASE I’m desparate” way, but a “You are someone I want to invite into my life” way. The date ran later than I planned. The next day I was wary. I bemoaned to a gal pal, “Why can’t I get a break?” Got drinks with the girls. He called to ask if I’d like to see a band that Saturday after a work event I had planned. Then the next night, a Thursday, he asked if I’d like to meet at the little café for an hour before he went to work. We did. More drawling revelations (he has this wonderful southern accent, clever but sharp.) More bright, sincere blue eyes . . . Long story short. We are about to celebrate the two month anniversary of that first sighting. He has got to be not only the most talented man I’ve dated, he is the most attentive, sweet and “into me” in sooooo many years. We pine for each other when apart, which is more than we like working two jobs each. Even if it is just twenty minutes we steal the time to say hello, to smooch before the next responsibility. He was so gentlemanly I had to ask him for our first passionate kiss, and we’ve mauled each other ever since, lol. Although I appreciated his good looks (being short never hurt his chances with women ever) if you had told me, after that very first date, that I would crave him like candy ALL the time, I’d have said you were delusional. I can’t explain it, but at 43 and divorced almost 7 years I never expected to be seriously thinking about sharing my life again. So I guess my spark was just a little slower in igniting. Maybe it was just the way things lined up, the point I was in my life, where the most I felt I could ask for was a friend. Maybe I am shallow and his basic attractiveness opened the door. But I guarantee you, most women like me would have run for the hills after that first date, no matter how sweet and vulnerable and honest . . . What kept me rooted, and coming back those two more times that first week . . .well, I will never know. Whatever the divine intervention I am thankful. I’m in love. Totally in love.

rapunzelrapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

I found the love of my life! Posted: 6/8/2007 6:46:43 PM
Okay, so . . . SPILL!

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

women asking the man out = more successful relationships? Posted: 6/3/2007 4:20:11 PM
I've never had any problem letting a man know I want to go out, whether I outright ask or not. I'd say more than 90% of my successful long term relationships were initiated by me, but I can state quite a few that tanked. Ya just never know. It's a crap shoot. I will say, as pertains to online dating, I am always more comfortable being the one to approach. It seems to lend a more casual quality to the date, less expectations, less stress. And unless they are totally bonkers I do try to remain friends, and I hope there isn't too much disappointment when things don't work out, as opposed to the guy asking me with some real designs on true love, etc. If I do the asking the guy can feel like he has less on the line. Does that make sense? Just seems a more comfortable situation over all. I wrote a guy on here six weeks ago and so far, it is working out brilliantly! I'm very pleased. Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

should i go there Posted: 6/3/2007 3:59:24 PM
Lol, I love this place. What an education. My assignment is to use the expression "going pear-shaped" in a sentence this week! Oh, and I am proud to say I knew what a snog was from watching the old British, "Whose Line Is It Anyway." Glad all those wasted hours drooling over Tony Slattery were worth it, lol. Your quandary is a valid one, Chloe. I'm a little hesitant to say go for it because if he is letting a fortnight go by he may be comfy with things as they are, as in a bi-weekly flirtation. If he wants more, and he's smart, he will burn up the telephone lines and see you every free second he has. Just tread carefully before you get your hopes up too much. I hope it goes brilliantly either way! Rapunzel

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 63 (view)

Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex? Posted: 6/3/2007 3:51:06 PM
That sort of arrangement should always be stated directly. No guesswork. About two weeks into dating very regularly my current boyfriend asked me to let him know if I wanted to see other people. I asked if he meant he did not want me to and he said although he felt it was too soon to make such demands, he would appreciate being informed if I was seeing others at the same time. Then a week or so later, knowing neither of us were seeing anyone else I just point blank asked if he wanted to be exclusive, and he did . . .so we are! The rules these days are all the old rules are gone. There are as many types of relationships as there are types of folks. It's always better to ask if you are not sure what the status is. Second date is way too soon, but once you are comfortable with the person then just ask about game rules. Asking isn't demanding. It's just gathering information you deserve to know. Good luck in the big bad world of dating! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Plenty of love Posted: 5/24/2007 5:31:21 PM
Yup! We Bama girls rock! Congrats!!!

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

I send a short story and get snippets back. Augghhhhh Posted: 4/24/2007 12:35:54 PM
I love to write the long emails, too, but I've learned you really don't know until you've been around the person for about three dates. I used to try to incite in depth correspondence but now, if I feel safe, I just say "let's meet this week" and get that part out of the way. People in general have short attention spans. I guess we are all busy and trying to do too much. I miss the old days of letter writing. But one could go gray courting that way, lol.

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

What does Love have to do with it? Posted: 4/24/2007 12:28:37 PM
I’m always afraid to imply any of that in profiles because it puts “family guys” into overdrive pursuit. I don’t rule anything out in my future, but I’m honest when I say, for right now, I just want to get to know people and have friends to go to social events with, have a drink, dinner . . . just low key stuff. If they end up being a lover then all the better! But I’m with you. LTR scares me because of the expectations it sets up. Like Moon Fish said, too many people out there looking for you to “solve” them.

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

Moving past initial attraction Posted: 4/24/2007 6:55:45 AM
A lot of things make up a person’s appearance, and I am sometimes not attracted to basically nice people just because the choices they make (hair style, clothing, etc.) say that they may be too conservative, uptight or the opposite extreme. I do think those are conscious choices and reveal personality. I’ve dated many physical types, but they all had a certain persona which is difficult to explain. I can tell within minutes of talking to someone if we have a chance. Nothing against them, I just know that my personality and lifestyle is pretty different from some and I know what I am compatible with. Outward looks are a big cue, and 99% my instincts are correct as to compatibility. So, in my case, it is hard to change my mind once I am not attracted. I’m talking for dating purposes. I can make friends with most anyone.

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Caught in the middle... Posted: 4/24/2007 6:46:47 AM
I have no idea why people even care about that sort of thing anymore. We are all open to so many experiences now that an age difference should not even be a factor. Perhaps if making a family were an issue, but just to date? I just don't get it. This is the perfect time to make friends of all ages. I've learned sooooo much about human nature by just dating who I want and picking their brains, lol. You'll happen upon a less shallow person, trust me. Till then love your age! I do!

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 66 (view)

The Silent Treatment or Giving an explanation WHY it is a No Posted: 4/20/2007 6:25:06 PM
After just one date I think this a little more forgivable than several dates, where hopes were built up. But, I understand what you mean. It is so hard to let someone down. I've had it (silent fade) done to me three or four times and it is not fun but . . . arg, it is awful to form the words. And I do hear of men going ballistic. Never happened with me, except after dating awhile. Hurts nonetheless to be attacked for honesty. My only thing is, if a second date was set up, be the better person and call and cancel if you can't do it, or rather don't wanna. Maybe leave it open like "I'll call you." But to mess with someone's schedule is unforgivable. Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

When someone says they are a genius!? Posted: 4/20/2007 6:18:12 PM
OMG, what great responses. Some quite literal and great fodder for discussion, some so hair-trigger they made me smile at the great asylum that is Free Forum, lol. To stand by my words, heck no, no dummy can attract me! Do you admit to being achingly seduced by idiots? If you do, then to each their own. Frankly I find it rather woeful that someone would put that they are a genius, super or otherwise, on their profile, then proceed to reiterate it on the first, second and third date. This after not being able to carry on a conversation past evasive, childish jokes. I realize now genius can exist with no social skills whatsoever, but how sad because it does not have to be. It’s a choice, really. I think it’s funny that some got the impression that I was a superior beyatch when in my post I say I am woefully dependent on the truly SMART men at the Automotive Place. And uh, they can carry on a conversation. I just expected too much of genius, well, no I won‘t generalize, that isn‘t fair. Just this particular genius. I thought they’d be an interesting, exciting date. I was wrong. That was the impetus for this post. Nothing more. Withdraw thy rapiers, geesh! Rap the non-genius!

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

When someone says they are a genius!? Posted: 4/15/2007 2:29:02 PM
Alright, I wanted to open this up to all ages because it kinda baffles me. How can anyone, no matter their age, purport to be a genius? Heck I just had the worst date of my life with a 25 year old who said he was a SUPER Genius. I'm 43. with a Master of Fine Arts and I have had many extremely responsible jobs and acted in classics by the masters. But could I ever say I was a genius? Gosh no, I can't even change the oil in my car. I flirt with the mechanics at Complete Auto because, geesh, fancy this, they know shit my MFA can't touch. THAT is the secret of humility. What, if anything, means GENIUS? Do you care? Should we just forget this cult of intellect of define what it means for us? I admit no dummy can attract me. But anyone can pretend to be smart. What defines it for you? What makes you throw someone back for being a "dummy?" Thanks!

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Has anyone emailed someone that they wouldn't date? Posted: 4/14/2007 8:40:36 PM
I made one of my favorite drinking buddies that way. He wrote me, we corresponded awhile, realized we weren't dating material, but met anyway. We now meet every week or so for gossip, margaritas and chips. We have a laugh over our dating escapades. I'm so glad he made first contact because I have a great friend now! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin Posted: 4/14/2007 7:28:08 PM
Arugula, This guy copies and pastes things from other people's profiles and lists them on his profile as examples of "stupid people." After exhaustingly searching other folk's profiles for things to lampoon I seriously doubt he takes the time to read the profiles. If he did he'd just find them too "stupid" for his superior intellect. And trust me, I could never hurt him as badly as he hurt me that night. His blatant rudeness trumped any further consideration from me. Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin Posted: 4/14/2007 12:32:34 PM
ubkobalt, thanks, I’m glad you got bored. Okay, some background. On our initial conversations he insulted this 18 year old he had met here because she wore “baby perfume” like strawberry or something fruity, who knows? Our first date he commented on loving my perfume, and said he didn’t bathe that night so he could smell it on him (from our initial making out.) He also gave me two hickeys in the chest area, which was a little odd for me since older men don’t tend to do that, but hey, it was sexy in it’s way. So no way he was allergic to or unhappy with the perfume. He was just nervous and reaching. He later admitted it was the candles he smelled, but later thought it was the perfume that made his tongue go numb. By that time I just said, “I don’t care!” And I don’t. I don’t wear obnoxious amounts of perfume. When I get into an elevator often girls and guys go, “Wow, someone smells nice!“ There are colleagues who only see me once a year and the minute they hug me they go, “Ah roses! I’ve missed that!” So I don’t think I over do it. And I won’t change the only perfume I’ve found in 15 years that doesn’t make me head-achey or sneezy, not for no man. As for your oratory on oral, lol, what are you doing this weekend? Lol! Your thoughts are EXACTLY what I tried to convey to him. In fact the minute he said, “Tastes salty” I said, “That’s funny, cause pre-cum tastes that way to me, too!” When he retreated to his corner, I got another drink and we talked for 15 minutes about MY experiences with oral. I told him how sometimes it is so wonderful and you want to do it, and sometimes, with the wrong person you feel obligated and onstage, like Debbie Doing Dallas, lol. I can imagine it’s an acquired taste, and frankly, as I told him bluntly, I can take or leave it. He wanted to try it, and I let him. I guess he should get points for trying. It was also the first time he’d ever seen one. In retrospect I should just said “wait,” but it was supposed to have been his night, sigh. Oh and I should stress I didn’t push him for all this. True I was turned on by the attention, but he seemed VERY hot and heavy to get this done. I thought the big build up and staged set would help him, but I can see I was way wrong. I should have just let things happen naturally, on course, but my schedule is so crazy. Our next chance for an over nighter might have been weeks! So . . . The director in me took over. Sigh. Thank you (and everyone) for taking the time to talk to me about all this. Rap P.S. And Moonfish, he was only bad when it got down to the deed. He was really good at the making out stuff. But the rudeness was always there, and I had reprimanded him for poking fun at other people. That was the ultimate turn off, not bad technique. Sadly he will suffer for both, though.

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin Posted: 4/13/2007 5:39:38 PM
"For women, virginity is some sort of label of "purity", for guys it tends to be viewed as more of a curse. " Tounces this was very revealing! I honestly never thought of it that way (of course not, I'm a sappy girl, lol!) Next guy I try to seduce I'm serving Cheetos and warm Schlitz and wearing my penguin jammies! Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin Posted: 4/13/2007 6:38:17 AM
Thank you, gentleman! I was really concerned it was me, then again I thought I was doing the right things . . . until I got frustrated and angry, which was about midway through the evening. Then I just drank my vodka and cranberries until I fell asleep. The next morning I offered him some ice cream that we’d never eaten the night before and he shot out of bed and started dressing. I gave him another little tidbit that women don’t like a guy to act like he is running a race to get out, lol. He said, people don’t go around naked 24 hours a day. I said, “Lovers in a hotel room do!” Lol, and anyway he slept in two of the three layers anyway, with his back to me. Lovely experience all around. I certainly understand a guy being nervous, but I’ve never had one be mean. I’m sure I was no porn star my first time. At least virgin girls don’t have as many performance anxieties. Thing is, I warned this person about what all COULD happen and asked him repeatedly not to freak and just let us work through them, as we had the whole night of total privacy. Experience has taught me that if two people WANT to, they can communicate their way out of anything negative. As I said there were mistakes made on my part, too. It was too early to do this, but I was taking his word that he was ready. And I did lose my patience big time towards the end, which isn’t like me, unless I am pushed. Virgin nerds, huh? Well, I like regular nerds usually. I’ll just give them a sexual aptitude test next time, hee hee. Again, thanks, ya’ll have made me feel a little better. Rap

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin Posted: 4/12/2007 7:38:02 PM
Alright, I can’t think of a better place to post this and I’ve been mulling it over, need some closure on perhaps the worst sexual experience of my life. Uh, okay, no perhaps. THE worst. The very worst. I’ll start by outlining all my faults, cause I know whenever someone writes a critical post the first impulse is to say, “And who are you, Miss All That?” So I’ll lay it all out. First off I am old, a time fighter, but obviously I still look okay enough to attract a 25 year old, though I am not sure that is a boast given the lack of experience I now know he . . . hadn’t. I have a big girl job with big girl hours and big girl pay. Have a home, car, stuff . . . so I am not looking for a guy to provide me with . . . More stuff. I date all ages, and when I was 27 I was with a virgin of 23, but it was nothing like this. It was clumsy, sweet, normal and ultimately very nice. Two years ago I dated a significantly younger man and there were major problems but I have to say, yah, the guy wanted me and wanted me to touch him. As for this dude, I did not start out with an idea to date him, but it developed and it started out as something very sweet. First coupla dates were great! He was shy, yes, but in the car all over me to the point where I was afraid we were stepping over the line and would get caught by the coppers. So I thought, okay, he is into it. In our previous emails I knew he was a virgin and the natural progression was wanting our first time to be his first time. Ok, my mistakes: Too soon for this to happen. I had no idea how unprepared he was. I mistook cynicism and his constant assurance that he was a “super genius” for intellect and poise. And I went way overboard in the prep. Rented a room (I did not want to deflower anyone in my bed and he apparently has a weird roommate,) lit scented candles all around, chilled champagne, sprinkled rose water on the sheets, wore a nice but conservative black sheath gown (I don’t claim to be a svelte hottie and told him so, thus I did not go for the garters and torpedo boobs, lol.) I’ve since been told this was the wrong thing to do, that most of today’s guys would be happy with a coupla drinks and a humpity hump in the back seat. But color me sentimental! Plus my first time (in the dark ages) was sooooo hot and romantic - chilled wine, pallet on, the floor, roaring fire in the grate. Sigh. He agreed to bring the strawberries, but I never expected him to dip them in chocolate himself, and bake bread! Oh, Lord how naïve could I be? I kept stressing to him, no matter what happened we should communicate. So communication to him was to first insult my perfume (the only type I wear which he had smelled for days, and um, he soon realized it was the scented candles) and then the music I was playing (jazz.) I had just left work early, made an hour commute, paid for the room on my credit card (well over 100 bucks,) lugged all the stuff upstairs and frantically got everything ready and within five minutes he makes an insult! It got worse. After HE askedto go down (I suggested we stick with the basics to no avail) he takes two laps and makes such a face even I had to laugh at then spends the entire night freaking that his tongue had gone numb! Later he said, “Uh, maybe it was the hot tea I had earlier.” Jerk! He wore three layers of clothes and it was a constant push pull strip tease to get him out of them, he kept retreating to the corner of the room. Intercourse lasted all of ten seconds and I really should email him, lest he worry, because technically I don’t think his jewel is lost, if one follows the three second Oreo falling on the floor rule. So I gladly hand over the mantle to the next girl! I told him to expect the first time to last only a little while but from then on he didn’t want me to touch him. I tried to explain it would take a while for his body to warm up to the new sensations but, lawsa, if I got beyond the two pairs of underwear he was wearing he’d say, “Stop that tickles.” There is so much more that pains me too much to put in detail and trust me, had he not started out SO rude I would never have been so angry and frustrated. I had no idea there were such rudies out there. It truly laid me out and I had no idea how to respond. I’ve told this story to a handful of friends, all ages, genders, etc, and they all say GAY. I actually defended him. I am not one to scream gay just cause I don’t float someone’s boat. But wow, I have never been with a guy who had such a negative response to the sex act before. This guy had my skirt over my head so it was not like he didn’t know what I looked like before, but according to many people he could still be that amorous and not realize his sexual orientation. Either way, I think I was clearly more deceived than he was. And yeah, really hurt! Plus I just looked at his reworked POF profile and half of it he spends insulting girls on here who reach out to him and the other what he considers woeful rednecks he is superior to. He actually takes the time to copy and paste quotes from people on POF he thinks “ignorant.” This proves he obviously has no maturity or empathy. So why not! I shall use him as an example. Tell me gents. Is this normal for a guy to freak to THAT extent their first time? I know there have been posts about everyone’s first and you don’t have to delve into that unless you wanna. But am I a toad or did I just get a REALLY bad fish? Rap P.S. Trust me, I wasn’t all that my first time either, but you didn’t see me insulting that gorgeous . . . Wowsa! P.S.S. After all that, the part he was most distressed over was I never tasted the bread or strawberries. He had spent the evening freaking over a numb tongue that apparently my evil devil woman cootchie petrified and he wanted me to take bread with him? Oh, Martha!

RapunzelRapunzel

Joined: 5/18/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Dating a man with an adult daughter Posted: 1/28/2007 8:04:07 PM
I believe the operative word here is "adult." I've always admired those who raise independent, self-starters who are actively involved and aware of the sacrifices their parents made for them. Sadly, this is VERY rare in the men I've dated with older kids. I see them handing over their whole lives to selfish brats who complain, roll their eyes, and abuse the privileges they've been given. One of my last major relationships ended because of three adult children (ages 19-25.) They continue to break up every relationship my ex-boyfriend becomes involved in, and he allows it. I am so glad to be out of all that. Small kids? Sure, big time involvement, not much time for romance, so I tend to just become friends with those Dads and their kids but I do NOT settle for a "second-fiddle" situation. Sorry, but I am in complete accord with the fact that this is my life and my adventure and if I cannot have a passionate committed relationship with a lover (which is different from a parent/child relationship though so many parents cannot make the distinction) then I'll hang with my single friends. If I ever do marry again I'm going to make sure the home is mine and my finances stay secure and in my name. I would never put myself in the situation of depending on a man or his family to respect me or care about my well being if he croaked. I'm far too jaded and I know my devotion probably would not mean squat in the long run.

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