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Thread: How to deal with a guy that dosen't respect you.

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

How to deal with a guy that dosen't respect you. Posted: 9/8/2008 7:55:41 PM
Hello, The most important values you have to have now and in the future are those that build your spirit -- respect for yourself (first), a belief that you are the nugget and not the norm, and patience to let life happen. He and you WERE a habit of everyday events. Obviously, he disregarded this time in his life as he was NOT ready to totally commit with marriage. Aren't you lucky that you did NOT have a child with him and disrupt another innocent life ! Think about how blessed you are to have been protected by God and his Angels. You know that you are capable of loving another . In time, and give yourself three months to develop new interests -- no dating -- just new interests. Go swim, go cook, go hiking, go for a drive -- but go into your "self" and change the inner talk you are experiencing and hearing. Change your inner voice to declare that you are the golden nugget that will shine in someone's life......when the time and person is blessed to have YOU !

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Met, hit it off, she crushed me.... Posted: 9/8/2008 5:53:48 AM
To start, you must have been highly vulnerable for "someone" to love you and return the love you most want and respect. This young lady was "testing" the waters for herself, completely selfish and not honest with herself and especially you. The ex-husband is only a smoke screen excuse really. Some individuals require validation as to their self-worth, although diminished now. You can thank your "angels" for protecting you against any future and deeper emotional pain. This actually is a test for you also. As the old saying goes.....pull youself up, dust yourself off, .....and start all over again.......................when YOU are ready, i.e., financially, emotionally and physically. You are now stronger to tell yourself that you are no longer "needy" and stronger to resist individuals who are unstable. Look up to the sky and say each day....."Thank you" for protecting me.

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

I am looking for advice Posted: 9/4/2008 6:05:17 AM
Advice: After analyzing and reading the report on your lives and journey into life, I have to say that each of require therapy to be independent. It appears that each of you are "needy" or co-dependent . The "excuse" of loving him may or may not be accurate -- this may be the co-dependency that "secures" the moment or day. Have an intervention for each other. To better the future of your children and life together, grow up and get it done. Have your husband write out post dated checks to your father to alert him that the loan is being paid. Do not find excuses for each other's behavior. Your children are your future -- so "commit" to cognitive therapy, addiction therapy, and personal responsibilities. You can do all of this separated for a time period -- proving to each other that each of you will have developed personal respect and personal integrity. Nobody now is going anywhere -- except running in circles. One last note: losing a child is, at any stage, most heartbreaking. In your situation, you must morn the loss of what may have been. You were never a"jerk" during your deep depression and no apologies are necessary. Join a group at Hospice for the loss of a child and if you must, meet with this group periodically -- whenever YOU must. Second, develop, a sense each day that someone up there, blessed each of you again. Before each of you go to bed at night, write down on a piece of paper three blessings you have. Write each night -- just before you go to sleep. My best to you and your future.

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 79 (view)

Did I overreact? Posted: 8/25/2008 6:24:24 AM
Dear Sir: I read your entire scenario and find that your actions only say that within yourself you actually started to "heal" from the broken relationship. Throwing things out of the airplane was a statement from within yourself ! You started at this time to have respect for yourself. By the way when people are "late" for appointments, interviews, etc., this action is indicative of clearly stating that the person does not feel comfortable attending the event to happen. So be proud of yourself in this new "healing" time. Keep your self respect in tact. Nightstar1

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

A potential partner with Alcohol issues.. is it worth the pain Posted: 8/7/2008 1:21:31 PM
Alcohol , Addictive Personality Disorders and Mental Illness -- When an individual is attracted to someone and initially feels the "lust" for this person, one has to evaluate all the factors. It is NOT enough to assume you can "fix" the person or you are responsible for fixing their issue(s). Always allow the professsionals to bring the order to this person. It may take one to three years, but noone wants to know the mental abuse from an abusive themselves. If you assume you have the strength? to help them overcome this addiction, please realize that you yourself have issues at this point. Your inner issue is probably self-esteem and self-respect. One has this or not. You can "cure" the person with a personality disorder as mentioned above and you are not capable professionally. If you think you can, then quietly seek counselling. Alot of heartache will be eliminated for you. And, one last word: you will be much better to you !

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 1552 (view)

Why men don't date strong women... Posted: 7/8/2008 8:16:01 AM
Men must date "strong" women and this is why........... In the early stages of dating, men and women observe each other for the chemistry and excellent attributes that will benefit the relationship, esp. in marriage. You will have love and children. Many wonderful years together -- working together to take tender care of each other. After the children are grown, educated and have left the nest -- you will grow older -- together. In these delicate years, esp. after 65, health and life experiences will change, however, for a high percentage health issues will become a main topic at the dinner table. AND, YOU KNOW WHO WILL BE THERE FOR YOU ! Yes, the little lady you married, raised children, shared your most intimate conversations, planted flowers together, arranged family vacations and quietly demonstrated immense skills to keep the family together -- in good times and in trying times. THIS STRONG WOMAN WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE WOMAN WHO WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DOCTORS, HELP YOU WALK , PERHAPS HAVE TO FEED YOU AND DEMONSTRATE THE TRULY MEAN OF LOVE. Should a man date a strong woman...........think about your life together....when the circle of life comes your way. YES, A MAN MUST BE BLESSED TO KNOW THAT A STRONG WOMAN WILL BE THERE FOR HIM AND ALL WHEN IT COUNTS THE MOST !

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 1550 (view)

Why men don't date strong women... Posted: 7/8/2008 8:13:56 AM
Men must date "strog" women and this is why........... In the early stages of dating, men and women observe each other for the chemistry and excellent attributes that will benefit the relationship, esp. in marriage. You will have love and children. Many wonderful years together -- working together to take tender care of each other. After the children are grown, educated and have left the nest -- you will grow older -- together. In these delicate years, esp. after 65, health and life experiences will change, however, for a high percentage health issues will become a main topic at the dinner table. AND, YOU KNOW WHO WILL BE THERE FOR YOU ! Yes, the little lady you married, raised children, shared your most intimate conversations, planted flowers together, arranged family vacations and quietly demonstrated immense skills to keep the family together -- in good times and in trying times. THIS STRONG WOMAN WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE WOMAN WHO WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DOCTORS, HELP YOU WALK , PERHAPS HAVE TO FEED YOU AND DEMONSTRATE THE TRULY MEAN OF LOVE. Should a man date a strong woman...........think about your life together....when the circle of life comes your way. YES, A MAN MUST BE BLESSED TO KNOW THAT A STRONG WOMAN WILL BE THERE FOR HIM AND ALL WHEN IT COUNTS THE MOST !

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 177 (view)

Has being online toughened you up emotionally or made you more sensitive? Posted: 7/7/2008 8:56:49 AM
My comment to you about becoming more "tough" or more sensitie....... In life we all bring to the decision table experiences that unknowlingly teach us to absorb everyday situations with wisdom, hopefully. Making decisions correctly at last is an indicator of maturity. Learning from the incorrect decisions will ultimate cause us to reflect or simply learn to laugh at ourselves. Life is still beautiful Becoming sensitive is a combination of honesty and leveling of feelings within ourselves. We have to learn to become mature and value ourselves at the highest level to ourselves. When this level is established, then we individuals becomes enriched. Our emotional "bank account" is now drawing mature interest and thus decisions we draw from our self respect, mature development nature combined with the validation of ourselves will result in a kinder and gentler individual who finally will accept the premise that we are valued highly and are the "prize". And, ultimately learn to say "no" and "yes" to the areas of life that continue to increase our self-respect and value as a human being.

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 238 (view)

Feel that there is no reason for me to live Posted: 6/19/2008 8:19:02 AM
Sir: You deserve rspect for having insight to "you" and going to talk and have outside professional help to resolve the path you may walk. You are going through "change". Sometimes this is a difficult step(s) for most to accept, even though "change" occurs daily in our everyday lives. First, it is recommended that you make affirmations, i.e., Make statement of positive reinforcement that begin with the words ....I will . n Do three each week and accomplish at least two of the three affirmations. Each night before you go to bed, take a tablet and pen and write down your know blessings to date. Example: 1. I am blessed because I awakened to the sounds of the birds singing. 2. I am alive and in good health. 3. I have the beginning now and will write a new story for my life. etc. etc. Visualize a place that you enjoyed during your boyhood. Have the vision of your boyhood walk with you holding your adult hands, saying ...Life is beautiful ! Do this every evening before you go asleep. Write down you feelings as you awake. And, notice the improvement in your movement during the day. You are blessed. Keep up the good work ! K

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Disabled Dater Posted: 5/21/2008 8:48:01 AM
Dear Sir: Congratulations for waking up each morning and feeling positive with a singing voice . It is so important to bring positive feelings to a relationship and then have the music of your mind demonstrate all that you are. I have been on this site for alittle while, 4 months, and although my situation is different, I think you can still find someone special. I will try to see if there are meeting places in your town for this or nearby towns. I am certain that having spinal bifida is difficult, but did y ou know that if you are on medicare, they will give you an electric wheelchair (as long as your doctor writes a prescription for it). My husband got one this way. And, perhaps you can find an organization to get a van to adapt your driving to your situation. All things are possible I believe. Take care and keep that smile. Karen

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Marital Affairs Posted: 5/20/2008 5:54:46 AM
The question is what should I do ? !!!!! With re to your spouse's "affair" and she stopped seeing him. This the empowerment she feels that she has right now. To explain her behavior is NOT enough to return your trust and love to her. Knowing that she got away with this for a period of time will involke more of her empowerment in the future. In order for this marriage to go on in the future, each one of you must have individual therapy, not necessarily marriage therapy at first. You must decide why you would want to go on with the marriage. Is your self-esteem in a "needy" zone and at it very lowest. And, have you unknowingly made decisions based on low-self esteem issues. You need to clean up the past and stand on your own two feet, click your heels and say: I am important ! Her issues are of anger, not control as she perceives empowerment. And, the core of the anger must be dealt with. Individual therapy is absolutely necessary. And, further, to go to the ultament goal of trust, maybe she should take a lie detector test and let's just see what the unconsciousness really is telling to all. Do not ever settle for anything less than what you deserve. This is the advice of my own parents.

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Marital Affairs Posted: 5/20/2008 5:54:22 AM
The question is what should I do ? !!!!! With re to your spouse's "affair" and she stopped seeing him. This the empowerment she feels that she has right now. To explain her behavior is NOT enough to return your trust and love to her. Knowing that she got away with this for a period of time will involke more of her empowerment in the future. In order for this marriage to go on in the future, each one of you must have individual therapy, not necessarily marriage therapy at first. You must decide why you would want to go on with the marriage. Is your self-esteem in a "needy" zone and at it very lowest. And, have you unknowingly made decisions based on low-self esteem issues. You need to clean up the past and stand on your own two feet, click your heels and say: I am important ! Her issues are of anger, not control as she perceives empowerment. And, the core of the anger must be dealt with. Individual therapy is absolutely necessary. And, further, to go to the ultament goal of trust, maybe she should take a lie detector test and let's just see what the unconsciousness really is telling to all. Do not ever settle for anything less than what you deserve. This is the advice of my own parents.

Joined: 10/27/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Have you ever dated someone with psychotic behaviours? Posted: 5/18/2008 3:28:43 PM
Reading about your experience was interesting. It is quite unlikely that she cut contact with you because what you thought. I really believe the young lady decided within herself, call it a gut feeling perhaps, that you were not likely to enter her world and have a tendency to gather up the "feelings" one may have with time about spirit guides. Many doctors , esp. psychiatric specialists, questions the validity of delirious behavior patterns vs. hallucinations. True neuro complex tests can determine what part of the complex brain is NOT working, and what parts are intact. May I suggest a wonderful book recently out again entitled : "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian Weiss, MD . You may expand your "thinking" beyond today with pleasure. By the way the biograhy of Dr. Weiss is most impressive. By the way people with documented and diagnosed mental needs, can be placed on the appropriate medications and become a part of society proudly with work and family needs. There are exceptions, of course. But today's psychiatrist truely do a magnificant job to help those who have quiet "friends" within. We can only be compassionate to those who have to carry the load of this diagnosis.

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