Ok....come back to me when you are fifty, have raised five children single handed, have a job, a mortgage, and a few good things to remember...come back to me when you are weary of doing all of that. Judge me then. I'll be happy to hear it!

Well, when you are in your twenties you have more time to concentrate on yourself...physically, mentally, you have the looks and the freedom to get out there and choose. When I was in my twenties I can honestly say I pretty much had my pick. I was a dancer, sociable, intelligent and witty, the world was really my oyster, and i married a lovely man and had five terrific children...
Move on thirty years. I'm not as free, I have tons of responsibility, I still feel twenty but I'm not any more, I spent most of my adult life as part of a team, and it's damn hard to go it alone, and very scarey!
You may not understand that...I wouldn't have when I was young either. You lose a huge part of your future when you lose your partner, whether it be death or divorce, and you have to learn to get out there alone all over again, without the "bait" you had thirty years ago!

I think I should also point out that things are a LOT different when you are in your twenties, than when you are in your forties and fifties!

I'm looking for a normal man who is capable of maintaining a normal adult relationship with a woman.

I'm of the opinion that you don't become better without experience. It's like metal being tempered. I think some of the most sorriest people are the ones who never take chances, never bother and give up. The trick is to never give up.

How do you know we haven't? I certainly have....done the works, classes, clubs, pubs, quiz nights, internet....whatever. Had one long term relationship ( he couldn't get over the guilt of leaving his children after his divorce) three quite serious ones, and too many skirmishes to count! Of the three quite serious ones, one promised me the earth then disappeared off the face of it, one had huge ex issues (nine years on, still hadn't got over her) and the most recent, who I loved dearly and in a way still do, had mental health problems, not obvious when we met, and no matter how we tried to get round it was too upsetting for both of us to cope with.

Some of us here have walls that are thick and high, built by ourselves for whatever reasons. I just discovered that some other people find that a challenge, and do their best to penetrate these walls, months and months of chipping away at it, relentlessly...

Them we let them in, use the "L" word back at them, and they up and disappear, leaving us as another challenge completed, smug with the thought that for them, no wall is impregnable.

And what did it really accomplish? Once we get over the heart thats been broken yet again, we rebuild the wall, thicker and higher, until we can't be seen from the outside world.

You aren't a woman, so there fore, it would make it a little difficult for you to understand.

Yes, sex is a nice part of a healthy relationship, but to suggest rushing to bed is the way to make a man feel more secure is ridiculous!!! It's a catch twenty-two for a woman when it comes to sex-if you have it too quickly you are sometimes deemed easy, but if you wait too long you are sometimes deemed a prude. The funny thing is that a lot of men have no problem having sex the first date and are considered studs-but the same man who beds a woman on the first date thinks less of the woman he slept with-or if she waits TOO long than she's called frigid ( especially if she only wants 'vanilla' sex).

The "six months" was probably an exaggeration on his part in order to make a point after he did not get what he wanted. A man like that would have dropped you anyway after he got what he wanted.

I believe having self belief and self love is one of the hardest things to do, because it requires the person, oneself, who knows oneself entirely, to have genuine belief and respect without any outside approval, which is sought after with the majority of people, which is entirely normal.

So here I finally take a chance on meeting someone... and then the day that we are suppose to meet (today) he sends me an email saying he's not ready for a relationship and that it wouldn't be fair to me if I didn't find someone who could treat me right. HUH?!!?! WTF! I thought we were just going for coffee not making plans for our wedding. I just don't get it. I feel really bummed right now. I have a guy who wanted to meet me and then cancels, I had a guy who wanted to meet me, but who changed his mind -- do I give up now and just forget about online dating? I need some advice. Anyone else been in this situation?

I know it may sound stereotypic and no doubt female chauvinistic but, is it true that guys are concerned mostly with sex?