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pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

bein in love with more then 1person Posted: 9/25/2009 8:41:58 AM
Firstly OP, I don't think you even have a clue what love is. If you did, you wouldn't be so easily torn between so many fellas. I don't mean to be hard, but you need to take a good look at yourself and realise why you are so dependent on men. It's not because you love them, it's because you can't face the thought of life without them or the attention they give you. Once the attention wears off you get bored and move on to the next one. This is a sign that you 'need' men to validate your existence, and this is a sign that unless you recognise this and deal with it you will probably spend the rest of your life hopping from one relationship to another and never feeling fulfilled. Until you can feel fulfilled as an individual, you will never feel fulfilled within a relationship. JMHO but I'm sticking to it.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 1298 (view)

Why women want guys to come to THEM Posted: 9/23/2009 12:18:45 PM
Lets face it OP, a woman can't win. If she chases a guy she's desperate, if she waits for a guy to take the lead she's 'playing games'. Granted there are some women who fit the criteria, but what you have failed to realise is that there are some women who just don't think you're worthy of them because you have such a narrowminded point of view, and they have more depth and vision and so are looking for a 'man' with depth and vision too, so that their mind as well as their body can be stimulated. Why would a woman with an ounce of common sense want to chase a guy who had absolutely no capacity for empathy?

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Is independence a truly desirable trait? Posted: 9/18/2009 10:34:07 AM
I get what you're saying OP,and of course it is a very wise way of looking at things, but I think what people are trying to portray when they claim to be independent on Internet dating is that they don't need another person to make them feel 'whole'. They feel complete as a person, and don't need another to validate their existence. Yes it is great to know that there are people who will support you when the chips are down, but for the main part, you have to be capable of supporting yourself without 'needing' someone else to give it to you. That's just my take on it. I think independence is a basic, but there are certain crisis situations when we all could do with a shoulder to cry on.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

What Have We Come Across That Was Good In The Opposite Gender? Posted: 9/13/2009 9:36:07 AM
The greatness of the opposite gender to my mind is the capacity to 'love' wholeheatedly. That isn't to say that some women aren't capable of it, but many women depend on it rather than give it in my mind. Just MHO, but I think a man has no 'need' for a woman other than love (whereas so many women have a 'need' for men for different reasons), so when a man really decides to give love it is more likely to last (unless his illusions are shattered).

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

Question for the guys about dating and children Posted: 9/12/2009 9:44:09 AM
All the cattiness on here is unjustified IMO; this is just a person with honest worries voicing their honest opinion. All I can say to you OP is that if it doesn't feel comfortable with you then don't go with it. I have a son with learning difficulties, and because I love him I wouldn't want anyone to enter into my life who didn't completely feel they would be able to cope with and love him the same way as I do. Love is unconditional to most mothers, but to men who aren't biological parents it can be harder to feel. I don't think you should feel guilty for this; you just have to evaluate each situation and work with your feelings and try to be honest about them (no matter how much some people will diss you for actually feeling them). We are human, and we feel what we feel, and don't feel what we don't feel, and to my mind being honest may mean we miss out on some chances, but at the end of the day it’s better than lying.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

how fast is to fast? Posted: 9/12/2009 9:32:07 AM
You gave up your life for 'him', you did what 'he' felt comfortable with rather than looking to what 'you' felt comfortable with, so he lost respect for you. Give up everything for a man and he will realise that you are pretty much dependant on him. No man wants to feel that he has to be the 'all' to any woman. You have to have your own life and somehow meet in the middle. Being blunt 'without meaning you to take it as a personal insult, because it isn't intended as one, just a fact that you can either recognise or choose to reject' you were too easy for him. Respect yourself and men will respect you.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

do women from different countries act differently Posted: 9/12/2009 9:16:41 AM
People are different, and it is dependent to some extent on the way they are brought up, and it is true that some cultures have different ideals, so they will bring their children up with different outlooks on life, and those outlooks stick like superglue. Some people try to break the mould that was their cultural creation of identity. Some succeed, some don't, and some don't even bother trying because they know no different. We are all brought up with different moral codes and standards, they are inflicted on us and unless we can change our subconscious beliefs about how we 'should' and 'should not' behave we really are a slave to them. Slaves of morals and standards are in a box, and nothing can penetrate this box because it is deep rooted in their subconscious. JMHO :)

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Is this as good as it gets? Posted: 9/10/2009 3:51:53 AM
You have to learn to give people trust. Mistrusting them will only make them more likely to go out and do it anyway. This is the problem, if you believe all men are cheaters then you can never really love a man, because to love someone is to 'trust' them. How can you love someone when you think they essentially have a bad character? That is not love, that is relationship dependancy. Trust cannot be earned, because if someone is mistrusting they will always be looking for ways to prove that they are right, rather than ways to give a person the respect and trust that they feel they deserve from someone who is supposed to love them (and eventually the penny will drop that they aren't loved, so they might go and look for it elsewhere). If you believe all men are cheaters, chances are all men will cheat on you, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Serial monogomist vs never been in a relationship. Posted: 9/5/2009 10:36:23 AM
I'd go for the happy medium. People who depend on other people to complete them are sadly missing, People who have always been alone are sadly missing also. Each is as bad as the other and well worth steering clear from IMO.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

neediness vs aloofness Posted: 9/5/2009 9:09:33 AM
Let's just face it OP, your view on life and relationships is skewed. You see one person as the 'bad' and the other as the 'gettaway' from it. People are people, love them or loathe them., There are extremes and there are inbetweeners, and there are people who are just appreciative of life and who they are as a person. You obviously have some chip on your shoulder or you wouldn't have posted your initial posting. Loose the chip, stop over analysing about time, investment and 'money' and start to live a little.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

i understand putting your best foot forward, but you can still be honest/real Posted: 9/5/2009 7:19:05 AM
OP it's an unfortunate fact that most people put on their best front when they are in the initial stages of dating, but all of us have weaknesses and 'grey' areas. Some of us are more willing to voice them in the initial stages and give a person a choice as to whether they can accept them. Some of us try to hide them and hope that a new relationship will make them dissapear, but they never do, and so they become a barrier in the relationship. Look for the person who isn't portraying themselves as 'perfect', and you'll be more likely to find someone who has already accepted themselves and therefore doesn't need anyone else to make them whole as a person.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Did I jump to the wrong conclusion Posted: 9/5/2009 7:10:48 AM
OP, the guy is playing you, and he's playing you because you are allowing him to do it! FGSakes! Why on earth would he need to contact his family on POF? If he really gave a damn about you (or you about yourself) he would respect you enough to contact them through some other form of messaging. If you don't think you deserve better treatment he won't either. Respect only comes when you love yourself enough to demand nothing less IMO.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

MANIPULATION V Posted: 9/5/2009 6:32:11 AM
Both Joe and Mary are wrong. Mary is wrong because she is not understanding about Joe's needs, and Joe is wrong for lying to Mary and depriving her of her needs. It's clear that neither Joe nor Mary have any respect or love for each other. Each have their own needs which they are placing before the others. Love fundamentaly means being capable of placing anothers needs before your own, and since neither can do this, they should both say to each other. The fact that they are both wrong doesn't justify Joe being an out and out liar. Two wrongs don't make a right, so don't kid yourself you are any better than Mary, or that you have a 'right' to deceive her, because if you have anything about you at all it will not rest well with your conscience.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

neediness vs aloofness Posted: 9/5/2009 6:04:31 AM
I don't think I'd class myself anywhere near either of the positions, because I think what you mistake for aloofness is probably just self assurity, and knowing what you would and wouldn't be prepared to put up with in a relationship. If that's what you call the aloof end of the scale then I guess I must be nearer to that end, but I think I'm easy to get along with, just not particularly interested in spending my time on the internet chatting to people with whom I feel I have nothing in common.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

Who decides what is reasonable? Posted: 8/30/2009 3:51:51 AM
This may have no relevance OP, but I was discussing a book (which I have read on a few occasions) with a Lawyer, and asking him if he felt these characteristics prevelant with Lawyers. The book goes on into more detail about the institutional effects of studying Law, the moral codes etc, and although I'm not suggesting this is your problem I have added the quote I sent him to see if you think it could be relevant. Maybe it is the way you're disagreeing that is leaving your partner/x partner with feelings of seclusion and lack of communication. "More lawyers have come to me for therapy than have members of any other profession, and it's not coincidence, since so much of their training is to learn to live by the rules. One important rule they try to live by is that the proper way to be angry is to have a fight using the rules. They often try to do this in their private lives, with complete lack of success. Perpetual arguing to convince others of the rightness of your case doesn't work a damn in personal relationships" ( quoted from 'Radical Honesty', Brad Blanton)

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

On persistence Posted: 8/30/2009 3:38:47 AM
That's a great point OP. I think persistance can show a lot about a persons characteristics, and to my mind (for the most) I see it as a positive, but it's knowing when to let go, and some people don't seem to have that ability. Trying to convince someone that you could be good for them when they postively know you aren't is when it gets creepy. I think most people can tell whether a person is mildly intrigued or freaked out by it, so go with your instincts. If a person really doesn't find you in the least bit attractive it will show in the tone of their responses to you.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

What's going on? Posted: 8/30/2009 3:25:34 AM
OP you need to wise up! Stop letting guys treat you with disrespect because if you do, they will never respect you for it. You are sitting back letting this guy call the shots, why? because you are desperate enough to be with someone who treats you like this even though you want better, and he knows this, that's why he knows he can get away with it.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

why do people lie all their lifes and hurt others so much Posted: 8/24/2009 8:57:12 AM
Sorry about your problems OP, but to be honest, either you are generalising about men from your experience of one pathological liar, or you have had this type of experience before, and if you have I would say the common denominator is that you don't value yourself enough to look at reality in the first place. Your lack of value for yourself is probably what induces this type of man to come on to you. You probably sense the lies, but because you want to be in a relationship 'at any cost' you 'ignore' the signals rather than using them to make an informed decision.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

fool for love Posted: 8/23/2009 6:05:31 AM
OP, I find it hard to believe that this is the first man you have behaved this way with, because if he is, where did this neediness suddenly come from? Any woman who is level and balanced would not behave this way with ANY man, because they would value themselves too much to become so dependent on someone who is so unavailable and inattentive anyway. You have pestered this guy and shown yourself as a completely needy woman, and to my mind, no truly independent woman would ever do this because they have too much self esteem. I think you know what you have done, but will probably continue to do it, because you 'need' a man to feel complete as a person.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

I need help.. or advice, I dont know Posted: 8/23/2009 5:49:48 AM
OP, I hate to be blunt, but the only reason you could have possibly got with her so quickly was because you were desperate to be in a relationship. You have to accept responsibility for your part in this because if you don't you won't grow. You have to learn that it's ok to be on your own, and only let people into your life when you are really certain of their character. In all honesty, you have gotten into a bad relationship. This woman sees your neediness and is now starting to play on it. She won't be ready for any kind of steady relationship until she sorts her head out, because men to her will always be a temporary high, and as soon as that high has gone she will look for another. Of course in the meantime she needs something dependable to cling on to (hence where you come in). You have been silly, she has problems, either way you are not meant to be together. Realise this, start realising what it is you want from a relationship (i.e happiness) and move on and try to find it.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

not understanding this at all Posted: 8/23/2009 5:37:52 AM
OP it depends on the length of time he hasn't been in touch. He could just have other things to attend to. Having said that it also depends on how many times you've tried to email him, and what the contents of those emails were, because let's face it, you've only had 2 dates with the guy so he doesn't owe you anything. If I were you I'd just forget about him and date other people. If he feels he wants to get in touch he will, but the more you put pressure on him the more likely he is to see you as a needy person.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Would you accept back your wife/gf who moved with another guy Posted: 8/21/2009 10:12:59 AM
Behave OP, I think you know the answer to this question. Do you feel disrespected? If you do so, chances are you probably are being . 'Loose your mind and come to your senses' (quoted from Radical honesty; Brad Blanton).

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

When Exs Contact You Out Of The Blue.. Posted: 8/21/2009 9:51:07 AM
OP, you've shown him you have standards, and because of that his respect for you will have grown. A man can only love a woman if he respects her. If you had held on in the hope that he would come back to you he would have seen you as desperate, but since you didn't, he may have realised there was more to you than he initially thought. I think you did the right thing. It's his turn to suffer for his ignorance. Having said that if he keeps coming back to you, you are now in the position to demand a respectful relationship if you still want it. I wouldn't recommend it though, because ideally you should never move backwards.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 974 (view)

Why women want guys to come to THEM Posted: 8/20/2009 9:27:58 AM
I'd say the reason women don't chase after you OP is because you have a silly attitude, and absolutely no comprehension of women being 'human beings' who deserve and appreciate not to be labelled in a stereotypical way. Try actually looking at a woman as a person, try putting yourself in her shoes and if you can manage to muster that much empathy, you might actually find women are more responsive to you, and will be more likely to initiate displays of affection.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

dead-end relationship? Posted: 8/18/2009 10:34:42 AM
Op, I hate to sound blunt, but he's saying he doesn't want to marry 'you', not that he doesn't ever want to marry again, doesn't that tell you something? It's true that true love is very rare, but once you have experienced it you never give up trying to find it. Perhaps this man has feelings for you but he knows deep in his heart that they aren't strong enough, and he's holding out in the hope that one day he will have those feelings again. To be blunt, either you have to become the person he could fall in love with, or you have to accept that you will never be the one for him and let him go. If you hold on to him in the hope that his expectations will change then I think you are kidding yourself and will probably only end up dissapointed. He knows what will cause a spark that will push him to make a commitment.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Can't have a future when you are stuck in the past-- Posted: 8/16/2009 9:22:55 AM
Unfortunately OP too many people are afraid to look at their own part in their past relationships, so blaming becomes the temporary band aid but nothing ever really gets healed. Like one of the previous posters says, you have to face up and learn to move on, but facing up to something inside you you think may be ugly is too much for many people. Until they can actually accept responsibility for the part they played in their previous relationships they will never be able to shape up and move on with hope for a better future.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Should I stay with him? Posted: 8/15/2009 1:40:57 PM
The fact that you're letting him get away with it means you aren't demanding any respect from him, and if you don't demand it you won't get it. The only way to deal with a guy like this is to kick him into touch, then he might finally get some respect for you and realise what a complete *rse he's been. Don't kick him into touch though unless you really mean it to be over, because if you take him back he'll only treat you with less respect than he did initially.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 144 (view)

Decoding the Female Language Posted: 8/15/2009 1:35:57 PM
hey, here's an idea. howzabout you meet us halfway on the language thing? i mean do you really want us grunting & pointing? lol. OK, so is this supposed to be the 'sign' that men give that is much more obvious than women smiling and twiddling their hair?, I always thought that guys just came out and said things. Obviously I've been suffering under the illusion that some of my dates found me attractive but they can't have done, because not one of them grunted at me Maybe they did but I just wasn't paying close enough attention.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Playing games Posted: 8/15/2009 1:07:39 PM
OP it's like some of the other posters have said. What you are describing is being 'normal', liking to have fun etc, you don't really need to spell it out because I'm sure when you get speaking to someone they will know the difference, but you could just do like one of the other posters said and mention crosswords, puzzles etc in your interests section.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

Do we all posses the ability to be passionate? Posted: 8/15/2009 12:59:12 PM
Yes I think we do all posses the ability OP, but too many people look on the world with cynical eyes. To become a passionate person you just have to change the way you perceive things. It's basically the same as becoming an optimistic person. Optimistic people are always passionate people.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

stay in relationship until new person comes along Posted: 8/15/2009 12:56:46 PM
No, you're right OP, it is a lousy system, but unfortunately too many people can't stand their own company, so they rely on having someone else around them constantly to make them feel a little better about themselves. It's only people who basically loathe what they stand for as people that can't stand to be alone, so to my mind it's a good sign to leave well enough alone and find someone who takes time to move from one relationship to another.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

I just don't understand Posted: 8/11/2009 10:46:41 AM
To be honest OP, it sounds like your worrying is what's putting girls off you. Being single for a year doesn't make you abnormal, yet you seem to see it as some sign that you have lost your touch. The more you see it this way the less likely you will be giving off an attractive, confident aura, and that's most likely the only problem you have. Stop worrying about being single. Realise that there is nothing wrong with you that can't be fixed (through a dose of self confidence), and things should start to happen again. I'm absolutely sure you will have many more great relationships in the future if you can do this.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

Older men, younger women, and death Posted: 8/10/2009 2:08:23 PM
^^^^Respect, to my eyes that is the only way you can love a partner. I try not to generalise, but all in all to my mind today too many people are rushing to be part of a combo (with anyone, just so long as they are of the opposite sex), and respect doesn't even enter into the equation for most of them. They would settle for partners they did not trust (and without trust their can be to my mind no respect) rather than be single. So many people in relationships are constantly jealous and mistrusting, I wonder why they are in that kind of relationship in the first place ?

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

tearing down what texting built Posted: 8/9/2009 1:38:54 PM
I have a friend, and every time I see her walking down the street I recognise her instantly because she is hunched over her mobile replying to a text. I can only imagine her fiance is just as bad, since he is the only person she cares enough about to respond instantly to. I often wonder if she will end up with a hunched back in years to come. She's much younger than me so there's no sign of it yet. I agree that a couple of texts a day can bring a smile to your face, just because it shows that someone is thinking about you, but texting a conversation 24/7 to my mind is madness, and to some extents is ruining the art of meaningful conversation. I don't think it's quite as bad here in the UK since most of the men still manage to look up when they notice a great pair of legs to see what's on the end of them, but on the whole I'd agree with you OP, it's crazy, and it is changing civilization as we know it.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

What going on with this guy? Posted: 8/9/2009 1:25:50 PM
Op, it's not a matter of doing or saying the right thing. It's being confident enough in yourself to realise that you deserve the love of another, and not showing instant signs of insecurity that act as a BIG red flag to most men who have had bad relationship experiences. You can't put on an act and pretend to be another person, but to be yourself and be 'long term' attractive you have to genuinely 'know' that you are worthy of the love of anyone, and stop pushing them away through your mistrust in yourself, hence their feelings towards you. You have to be honest, but that honesty has to come from a place of security rather than anxiety.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

Older men, younger women, and death Posted: 8/9/2009 1:16:03 PM
Sorry OP, but I don't think what you think really has any relevancy to me, and I'm one of the women you state must be looking for a temporary fling. I happen to prefer older men because on the whole I believe they have great characters, and it is the character that dictates whether I could or could not fall for a person. Its a sad fact that mostly strong characters are born through suffering adversity, overcoming it, and waking up to smell the roses. Most (I say most 'not all') people younger than myself haven't yet come to this realisation. You obviously haven't either or you wouldn't have posted this thread. At the end of the day it's each to their own and that is how it should be. We all know what qualities we admire in a person, some of us have different ideals to others.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 227 (view)

Do Men Really Want Honesty? Posted: 8/8/2009 10:26:10 AM
So many men 'and it has to be said women' seek honesty, but they can't handle it when it's given to them. I think the trick is honesty with diplomacy rather than radical honesty. It has gotten me through life with only a few scrapes and misunderstandings. Anyone who can't even take 'and give' diplomatic honesty is to my mind completely lacking in confidence and self esteem, and should therefore be avoided.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Angry Passions Posted: 8/8/2009 6:26:59 AM
You're either an angry person or you aren't. I'm not an angry person either so I find the best solution is to date people of the same mind set. What on earth would a placid person want to be in a relationship with an angry person for anyway?

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Reaching certain places in life. Posted: 8/7/2009 10:42:34 AM
I think it's the case with most of the more level people on here. Trying to fend off the rushers in order to get to know quality people over time and at our own comfort level. Unfortunately to so many a date means a 2nd date, and a 2nd date means a lifetime commitment, but you just have to stick to your guns and be honest with people. I have been through the odd stage where I have got tired of the lack of understanding with some, but you just have to keep plodding on and keep hoping that eventually you'll find someone who feels the same way you do.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

trust issues Posted: 8/7/2009 10:10:21 AM
You really have to give trust when you enter into a relationship. If you don't give trust, then sooner or later your mistrust will become a self fulfilling prophecy, and you will push the person to the point where they are so fed up of you not trusting them that they might as well go and play away anyway. If you give someone your trust it is a gift, and it is a gift that anyone with half a heart will cherish. If you give someone your trust (and I mean fully) then chances are they will work harder to try to keep it. It also shows them you are confident in yourself and their love, and that in turn will make you more attractive to be around. A happy rather than stressed and anxious atmosphere is what everyone wants to live in. If you provide this atmosphere people will be less likely to be tempted away from it. Also, one last thing, I don't believe you really can love another person unless you can put your trust in them. If you think they are a liar then that is an insult to their character, and if you don't like their character you shouldn't be with them in the first place.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Styles of Beauty Posted: 8/7/2009 9:58:43 AM
I think an acception and love for yourself and others shines through and will make any person appear more beautiful. Doesn't necessarily mean they will be somebody's personal type, but they will appear beautiful because they will be happier than the average person. When you don't whine and moan about the negatives in life (including the bits you may feel are negative about your appearance), but constantly look for and point out the positives then you will be more fun to be around, so you could be classed as a beautiful friend even if you aren't one persons particular taste as a lover.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

What does it mean to give and take Posted: 8/7/2009 9:41:54 AM
It sounds like she's trying to confuse you 'ie. game playing in order to get a reaction', then when she gets a reaction she will have an excuse to whine about how you aren't doing enough to keep her satisfied, either in the understanding or communication department' Unless of course she just sent the text to the wrong person, since the statement doesn't really make sense in a logical way after the way you say you left things earlier, it sounds like a way of putting you in your place. Planting the seeds of confusion and self doubt are the first steps to domination.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

wife having an affair Posted: 8/7/2009 9:30:30 AM
You may feel you have been hard done to, but you have to put bitterness to one side and concentrate on what's best for the kids. It is best for the kids to be with their mother 'at least' 50% of the time whatever you may think of her. Maybe she has abandoned responsibility for too long 'we only know one side of the story' but if she wants to be a continual part of her kids life now you can't stop her, and you shouldn't try to. You want those kids to grow up happy and ballanced, secure in the love of both of their parents.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

IM IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO DOESNT LOVE ME Posted: 8/6/2009 1:56:11 PM
He's telling it as it is OP. He doesn't have strong enough feelings for you to enter into any kind of commitment to you, and the more you wait, the less respect he will have for you, hence less feelings. It's always hard when you have strong feelings for someone and they don't reciprocate, but clutching at straws is never the answer. The old saying 'if you love someone you let them go' really is true. You can't make someone feel obliged to have strong feelings for you through sexual attraction or pity. He knows what he wants and it really doesn't look like you are part of the equation, so for your sake you need to go through the pain of a complete split now, or it will only get harder when the inevitable happens. It will hurt, but you'll get over it eventually and meet someone new, and he'll have more respect for you, and you'll have more respect for yourself because of it.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 107 (view)

Too picky? Just don't want to settle Posted: 8/5/2009 1:49:14 PM
Just get used to the idea that what you give you get in life. Average looking fella with more than average humor, creativity, intelligence and smile will probably attract the same in a female. If you're looking for more than that then you need to up yourself accordingly. Stop whining and moaning about the women who turn you down and start concentrating on the women who do find you attractive. If you want to push the boat out further then up yourself according to what you want to attract. Stop having double standards.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

Still on the market? Posted: 8/5/2009 1:37:06 PM
You say I am dating with a view to looking for the 'right' person. No justification needed in my mind. If you feel a person isn't right for you then why in the hck should you feel oblidged to settle for them? Is there some kind of issue with wanting to be with someone you could possibly consider spending the rest of your life with? Should we all just go for the moment and what's on offer and be damned about the future? I'm sorry but you people really pss me off. Do you really have any comprehension of the reality of love and the importance of it?

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 140 (view)

The three things that a man wants in a mate... Posted: 8/5/2009 10:47:37 AM
I'd say honesty is the hardest point to maintain on internet dating, since you wouldn't believe how many sensitive souls there are out there who can't actually take honesty. They ask for it, but then when they get it you are 'shallow' or 'judgemental'. If you're really looking for honesty in a person then you have to be prepared to accept it for what it is when it is given to you. In my experience, too many who ask for it aren't.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

Do Cheaters Regret or Reform Posted: 8/5/2009 10:41:55 AM
I cheated when I was younger 'Being young is no excuse, but I think when you're young you don't really understand the concept of how your actions can effect another person. You are much more interested in what gratifys your own sense of existence, and sometimes when we are young the only sense we have is our sense of physical attraction, so we are flattered by any kind of attention other than the normal' Since I have matured and finaly realised what love is, I have seen just how completely selfish I was and would never cheat on another person. This may sound trite coming from a one time cheater, but I think you really can grow in wisdom and understand what it takes to be a good partner. I have held off getting into a relationship for over 5 years now because I want to be sure when I do settle it will be for the right reasons (i.e. LOVE, and when you're really in love there is no question of cheating). So in answer to your question, I would say, yes, cheaters can regret and transform, but they have to want to.

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 99 (view)

Too picky? Just don't want to settle Posted: 8/5/2009 10:28:35 AM
Double standards I would say. If you see yourself as average then look for an average partner. If you don't think you have anything above the norm to offer why would you expect those who do to be interested in you?

pamperpooch000

Joined: 11/7/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Why do people lie? Posted: 8/5/2009 10:21:29 AM
I think the main problem is that sometimes the truth can hurt, so people avoid telling the truth to other people in order to save their feelings. This is why many of the posters on the forums are accused of being 'nasty', because they don't come back with the answers that people want to hear. To face up to your own lack of perfection for some people is difficult, and sometimes they can see those who tell them the truth as arrogant, even abusive. We don't want to face the truth because it is scary to most of us, so lies are a way of keeping us on an even level. I believe in radical honesty, though I try to temper it with an ounce of diplomacy. The truth can be difficult to say, and difficult to take, hence the most honest people aren't always liked by the many.

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