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Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 151 (view)

Bf unemployed for 4.5 months... Posted: 1/22/2009 3:32:44 PM
meechi84....I don't think the OP is doing any "high maintenance living"!! She is simply trying to pay the bills. Also, did you miss the part where he quit his job? He wasn't fired or laid off. I don't think many of the women here are advocating a double standard. If the OP was a man, I would tell him to have a stern talking to with his GF or dump her!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 141 (view)

Bf unemployed for 4.5 months... Posted: 1/22/2009 11:42:38 AM
bcsofnc57...I wholeheartedly disagree with you. Times are tough right now, but sponging off of other people is never right. He is able-bodied. He QUIT his job without asking the OP if she was okay with supporting him. He has been without work for 4.5 months. I have never been big on having tons of money, but I certainly manage what I have. Not because I'm a golddigger, money hungry or anything. But most of us have learned that quality of life is affected by money in many ways. When I constantly worried about money and how I was going to pay my bills years ago, my life was stressful and tough. I couldn't pay my bills, much less go to a movie or concert, go out to dinner with friends, travel or anything. That's not how I want to live, so I worked hard to make more money and manage the money I had without a lot of debt. Also, I had a low credit score for my bills getting behind. That makes life tough, too. I couldn't even get a credit card for about 2 years. When you can't buy tires for your vehicle (and they are worn out) because you don't have enough money or any credit, then it's very tough. Maybe you are okay with living life that way. I decided years back I never wanted to live that way again, and I won't allow anyone to pull me back down there. It takes years to get out of that situation. I believe in working hard so I can have the things I want - a decent home, a decent car, money for some entertainment, a little bit of travel, etc. If he were unable to get a job, I would say she should try to work with the money she has. But sounds like he isn't looking. I don't know if your daughter and her boyfriend were looking for work and just couldn't find it, or if you are okay with them not working. But the OP's boyfriend is not her responsibility. I supported a man for over 6 months years ago. After I kicked him out, he moved home. I hear he still can't keep a job (7 years later). Never again!!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 121 (view)

Bf unemployed for 4.5 months... Posted: 1/21/2009 3:04:30 PM
Eddie...I see where you are coming from; HOWEVER, this guy isn't hurt, he isn't sick and he isn't looking for something part-time to even help out. I agree that things happen and life hardly ever goes along happily ever after without some problems along the way....but it doesn't sound like he's trying. Also, he's complaining about having to do chores at home? Does that mean she should work and then, come home and take care of him? At least he could willingly do his part there. But the OP said that he is complaining about having to do all the dishes and such. Sounds to me like she's doing all the working. I don't know if she's being played, or he is just not understanding how she feels right now and that it is unfair of her to have to support both of them. I have supported a man for a while before. Unless we are married and there are some circumstances beyond his control, I don't plan on doing it again!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 117 (view)

Bf unemployed for 4.5 months... Posted: 1/21/2009 1:20:17 PM
Happy...sounds like you really need to be serious with him about this (if he's putting on a sad face when you try to discuss it). I understand that he may have felt taken advantage of in his previous relationship, but he is taking advantage of you now. I would suggest telling him how you feel, in a serious manner, and not letting him make sad faces or guilt you out of it. If he isn't ready to go to work, even part-time, while looking for his dream job, then I really think you have some serious thinking to do about your relationship. He just seems too content to let you pay the bills. To those people who complained that women have lived off of men and no one throws them to the curb when they don't work, etc....most women I know, including myself, work these days. I would give the same advice to a man who was complaining about a woman quitting her job and then not making any effort to find a new one. In fact, I'm pretty sure I have given that advice in these forums to men. If you can't find a working, career woman, maybe you aren't looking in the right place...but don't come on these forums complaining that we are ALL like that.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Guys with kids Posted: 1/19/2009 7:22:38 PM
Some people don't want children, want their own or just don't want to date others with children. I often see people criticizing those who aren't "mature enough," "man enough" or "woman enough" to date others with kids. Some will even call people who don't want to date those with children losers. How does wanting a different lifestyle make one a loser? Maybe not everyone wants a lifestyle that includes children. Maybe some people want to wait until they are older to have a life involving children. OP, just realize that some women will not want to get involved with you due to you having children. Others will. Now agreed they should read your profile and see you have children before contacting you, but some won't. Don't get upset by it. Just think...let's say 20 years from now, your children are grown and you are back out dating. You meet a woman with small children, and you are past that stage (raising children) and don't want to get involved with her. She might be upset and think you are selfish, a loser, not man enough, etc. And for those who say those of us who don't want to date someone with children are selfish.....it's not about being first in someone's life....it's about a lifestyle. For example, I can go out of town on the weekends for a short road trip if I want. I can go out any evening without worrying about a babysitter (so I can make plans at the last minute). I don't have to be at home helping with homework. It's a lifestyle I like at this point in my life. While I admire a man being with his kids, sharing time with them and taking care of them, I don't want to have to plan around a babysitter, have to wait to have alone time until after the kids go to bed, etc. Doesn't make me or anyone else wrong...just my life. So, be glad you quickly found out the women you spoke with weren't interested...and find someone who is!!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 101 (view)

Bf unemployed for 4.5 months... Posted: 1/19/2009 5:38:33 PM
OP....it is great that you are being supportive of him, but like some others, I would be concerned. I am not saying to throw him to the curb; however, I think you do need to communicate your feelings to him. You have every right to feel the way you do. I would suggest telling him you feel stretched too thin and that you need him to start supporting himself. I know the economy is bad, but he can certainly find some type of part-time work to get him through until he finds his dream job. Also, he should be more than willing to cook, clean, do the dishes, etc. You are paying his bills!! Ask him how he would feel if he worked all day and you complained about having to do the chores at home. To those people who said that the economy is bad and lots of people are without work, yes, that is true, but HE QUIT his job. Not a smart idea in an economy like this. But until he has to suffer for it a little bit, then he won't learn a lesson. If you speak to him and he acts like you have a problem or ignores the conversation, then I would reconsider this relationship. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. There are tons of people (both men and women) who are content to live off of others. You need to find out if he is one of those people or not. But if he is, take it from someone who has been there, move on with your life!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 257 (view)

Would you date someone who is mentally ill?????? Posted: 1/15/2009 5:39:08 PM
No, I would not. I know some people think this sounds cruel and only horrible people would walk away from someone they liked/loved because he/she is mentally ill. I've been there, though, and some people can suck the life out of you. Several years ago, I dated a man I now believe was mentally ill. He was not diagnosed, but I am sure he was bipolar. When I met him, he wanted to go out every night of the week. He was happy-go-lucky. But then he started acting weird. He would send me flowers and break up with me the next day. He couldn't keep a job or stay in school. He would be happy with our relationship, but then he would have some huge crises (most of which were his own imagination). He would sleep for hours and not take showers for days. He would call me at work and tell me he was breaking up with me or insist we figure out some crises of his. I finally told him to go away and NEVER call me again. I loved him dearly, but I just couldn't take it. When I look back, I can't believe I wasted a year of my life on him. So before thinking I'm heartless for saying no to dating someone with a mental illness, remember that some of us have tried everything possible to be happy with someone who just couldn't control their emotions or be happy with themselves. Relationships are hard enough without dealing with people who have significant problems.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Why would a guy bother? Posted: 1/14/2009 8:10:36 PM
OP, if he is recently divorced, maybe he's just not ready to move on. I have dated a few recently divorced men, and they really weren't ready for anything. It doesn't matter how great you are, if he's not ready, he's not ready. You can't change that. I would suggest maintaining the friendship but moving on with your life. What happens if one day he tells you, his friend, that he's met some great woman he wants to date? Will it hurt you? Sounds like it will. Move on so this doesn't happen to y9u. I say this from experience!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 92 (view)

Fear of dating single mothers Posted: 1/12/2009 5:30:28 PM
It seems that many single moms are getting really upset on this thread. It doesn't make him shallow. Maybe he just wants a different lifestyle. Not everyone wants to be a parent early on. There is nothing wrong with single parents, but it doesn't mean all of us want to be involved with them. I don't know why single parents sometimes take this as such an insult. It isn't putting anyone down. It is just saying that one wants a lifestyle that is not the same with children involved. Single parents often cannot take off for a weekend at the last moment. They often need to call a babysitter before they can go out. It's hard to have a quiet moment alone until the kids go to bed. Can kids be great? Yes, they can. I love my nephews and nieces. However, it isn't a lifestyle I want right now. The OP may not either. I love being able to do what I want to do, go where I want to go, not having to run home and take care of someone. I don't think that makes me shallow. Maybe that's the type of life he wants right now. And guess what? He has the right to want that, and at his age, I think that is fine. He can decide to date women with children later. Again, this is not putting anyone down. Just remember that different people have different ideas of how to live their lives. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with a single parent!!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

3 reasons why its hard for me to trust now........ Posted: 1/11/2009 5:49:08 PM
OP, I see that you are upset at some of the comments. So I'll try not to say anything disrespectful here. It sounds like you are meeting the wrong types of women. These women sound like they are bad news. Why are you getting involved with women like this? Sounds like tons of drama. Maybe you like meeting women you think you can help, kinda like the "white knight" syndrome. I can see that you feel you can't trust women, but there are lots of good women out there. You just need to take your time and really get to know someone before getting involved with them. Maybe only take an interest in those who live nearby, so you can determine they are telling you the truth. Look for women who have a good life already and who have it together. Don't go after these women with drama-filled lives, several children from different fathers, put out to everyone around and tell you wild stories about being beat. I hope this helps.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Time to move on? Posted: 1/10/2009 11:40:56 PM
It sounds like she just doesn't know how to tell you she isn't interested. Maybe stay her friend and call her here and there, but I'd move on. If she was really interested, she would make time. Many people just don't know how to tell people they aren't interested. They are afraid to hurt their feelings. If you keep asking her out, she will probably start avoiding you.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Fear of dating single mothers Posted: 1/9/2009 7:19:47 PM
At your age, OP, I would suggest you date girls without children. Nothing against women with children. I have friends who are single moms and are great people. A few were even single moms and remarried. But those men had to really take on a lot for my friends. At your age, OP, have fun, travel, get your career and life on track. No reason to worry about getting serious yet. Dating someone with kids definitely changes things. I think at 23 you shouldn't get yourself into that. Before any single moms get mad at me, nothing against anyone. I can understand both the points made by you and the men who say don't date single moms. Just because you have kids and love them and think they are great doesn't mean that every man out there wants to date you. And like I said in another thread, it doesn't make the guy immature, a loser, etc. Some people have other goals. I, for one, don't date men with children. I did in the past, but after facing all the issues that a father with primary custody faces, just don't want to do that again. Are there some great men with children out there that I'm missing out on? I am sure there are. But I just have other goals and other interests in my life right now. And dating him was extremely difficult. Not because I'm selfish or anything, but the baby momma drama, the kids needing a large amount of attention due to a recent divorce (I understand that), the canceling of dates, etc....I just don't want to do that again.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Never neverland Posted: 1/9/2009 4:47:07 PM
Put someone else's needs ahead of mine. I am not selfish, but I have learned that if you put someone else's needs ahead of yours, you are heading for trouble. Some people will take advantage of you and lose respect for you. You become a doormat. I now go by the saying, "To thine self always be true" (or close to that). I am tired of doing just what someone else wants to do. I'm tired of always giving. Relationships have to be give/take for me. If not, I just can't do it at this point.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Desperate Men Posted: 1/8/2009 9:25:34 PM
I'm with the other posters...who is really desparate here? Why are you seeing this guy at all? Sounds like you really aren't interested in him. Your story really doesn't make sense. If you aren't interested, then don't talk to him or date him. Isn't that simple enough?

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

was in love with alcoholic Posted: 1/8/2009 9:24:02 PM
I grew up with an alcoholic father who made our lives miserable. He was wonderful when not drinking, but those days didn't come too often. My mother is now happily remarried to another man, and she doesn't have to deal with that life anymore. Neither do I. If he is really suicidal, it is dangerous to have your children around him. People kills themselves and loved ones every day. For some reason, you don't seem able to get away from him. Why not? No one else is your responsiblity!! You and your children are your responsibility, and truthfully, you are doing harm to yourself and your children by staying with this man. My mother would tell me that she stayed with my father for my sake. It certainly wasn't for my sake. He made my life h*ll! I once read the book "Codependent No More." I see someone else on this thread already mentioned it. You might want to pick up a copy or get some therapy to see why you are putting up with this. Al-Anon might be a good group, but I've never been. I can understand needing support, but make sure it's support to get away from him not to put up with more of his behavior. I'd rather be alone than with someone like this. I have never accepted an alcoholic into my life because I know the damage it did to my family growing up. I felt I was never the same for what I had to put up with. Don't do this to your kids!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

I am far too needy Posted: 1/8/2009 5:17:38 PM
In the past, I always worried if a guy didn't call me one time when he said he would, or I would wonder if he was off with someone else, etc. I had men do that to me, so I was always paranoid that other guys would do it to me. Over time, I saw that men thought I was needy. And needy is never good. It's almost like if you expect the worse you get the worse. Nowadays, I just don't worry as much. I just recently have been able to do that. Now, I am not dating anyone exclusively, but I have been dating a few men. I don't worry about what they do. They either do or do not like me. Being needy would drive them away. That is what you are going to do. And you are the only one who can stop being that way.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Dating after divorce. Posted: 1/7/2009 5:14:12 PM
OP, did you say you just FILED for divorced, or are you divorced? Separated isn't divorced, and it's better to tell women up front that you are separated, rather than fudge the truth. If you tell them you are divorced and then they find out different, they may think you are lying. There are lots of threads on here that address that very issue.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 225 (view)

Would a man seriously date a woman with three kids Posted: 1/7/2009 5:08:11 PM
I have seen this argument on here a lot. Why don't men/women date others with 1, 2, 3+ kids? Well, it is pretty simple. Some people are going to date others with a child/children. Some aren't ready/don't desire that. Here are my thoughts: 1) Just because a man won't date a woman with children doesn't make him a loser. Maybe he knows he is not ready for this type of responsibility. Maybe he really wants to have a first child with a woman. Maybe he wants to be able to go out-of-town at a moment's notice for weekend trips and knows single moms often can't do this. Maybe he wants to see a woman several nights a week, and he knows single moms often can't do this. Heck, maybe he really doesn't like kids that much. That doesn't make him a loser! 2) People have the right to date/not date anyone they want to! If a man wants a supermodel and can find one, then by all means, he can go for one. If a man only wants to date a college-educated woman, then that is okay. No one has the RIGHT to tell someone else who he/she should date. 3) Some men may have already raised children and not want to help raise more. For this reason, they may decide to not get involved with women with kids. They have the RIGHT to not get involved with a woman with kids. 4) I constantly hear that "any man who would not consider dating a woman with X kids is not the kind of man I would want to be with anyway." What, because the guy is an instant loser or bad man for not going out with you? People have different goals in life, and that is okay. 5) Some men will date women with children. Go for those types. Stop wasting energy on those who would rather not. All I have said here goes for women who won't date men with kids. Some people with children just can't understand other people not wanting the same. Not everyone wants children. It doesn't make them bad, need to grow up, losers or anything like that!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Is it ok that the exhusband hangs out at her house for 2 hours? Posted: 1/6/2009 6:38:59 PM
Yes, I saw that in the other thread. OP, no one is trying to "rain on your parade." But many of us have been through these situations or know someone who has. We are trying to warn you. I date a recently separated man a few years ago. He and I were supposedly in love within a few months, too. He was talking about marriage. I was the best ever, etc. Then, all of a sudden, his tune changed. He broke it off with me and admitted I probably was a rebound relationship. I was crushed. Now, I realize that he THOUGHT he was in love, but he had not taken any time to heal. What you took as negativity, OP, was people trying to say to be cautious. No one was doing it to "poo poo" on you. Many of us realize how hurtful it can be to date someone who is just not ready to move on. Maybe people were trying to spare you some pain, but you just shut everyone down who tried to warn you.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Is it ok that the exhusband hangs out at her house for 2 hours? Posted: 1/6/2009 6:26:07 PM
OP, I read in another thread how you and this woman were in love. People were telling you to watch yourself in this deal because she was recently separated and had 2 small children (and appeared to want the knight in shining armour). You defended your relationship and refused to listen to anyone's comments. Maybe things aren't going as well now.....do you think she might be having second thoughts about a divorce?

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Married and still sharing the house Posted: 1/6/2009 4:19:00 PM
What people are saying is that most people don't want a lot of added drama in their life. Why should they take on your drama? Someone has to move out, right? It sucks to be dumped, and maybe you didn't do anything wrong. But are you going to bring your new lady to the house with your current wife? I doubt it. What about time on the phone? Are you going to have to step out of the house to speak to your new lady? No one is trying to be mean or not understanding, but really....why would a new woman put up with this mess? You say you've moved on. No you haven't. You still live with your wife. That isn't moving on. Once you have gotten a divorce and moved into a house or apartment of your own, then you can think about dating. You may say, hey, that isn't fair. You surely know life isn't fair! There is no way I would give a man the time of day who was separated and lives with his wife still. I have no way of even knowing he is telling the truth and there are too many fish out there to deal with that!! No offense to the OP, but think about it from someone else's perspective.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Married and still sharing the house Posted: 1/6/2009 2:52:18 PM
Yes, you're asking too much. Why would anyone want to get involved with this? Too much potential for drama. Take care of your divorce, move out (why haven't you moved out yet) and THEN move on.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

She's smothering me Posted: 1/6/2009 2:23:03 PM
I had a friend who smothered me, too. She called me every day and expected me to stay on the phone for hours. She wanted to whine and cry about her marriage and how her husband never had time for her. I know that he didn't have a lot of time to spend with her and she was bored, but it was driving me crazy. If I didn't answer, she would keep calling. She wanted my opinion on everything, such as her career, bills, etc. I told her I didn't want to give an opinion because it was up to her, and I didn't want to sway her. Then she said I was a bad friend becuase if I was her friend, I'd tell her what she should do. Unfortuntely, we are no longer friends. She got mad at me for not going somewhere with her, and she refused to ever call me again. At that point, she had smothered me so much that it was a relief. I do miss her sometimes, as we had been friends since we were kids, but she became a very clingy adult. The sad thing is that her husband said she was driving him crazy. If he stayed to work a little late or anything, she would call him and badger him about what time he was coming home. If he was off, she demanded that he spend all his time with her. I can tell he really loves her, but sometimes, I think he can't stand her clinginess.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

how soon is it to soon to ask someone to be exclusive Posted: 1/5/2009 7:23:44 PM
I don't know that people can assume that just because they are having sex that they are exclusive. I've done this before and found out that we were not exclusive, at least not in his mind. I think in the past people could assume this but not these days ...is it important to you that you are exclusive? Are you interested in something serious?

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

No Concrete Plans for Second Date...? Posted: 1/5/2009 7:17:18 PM
I wouldn't invest any more time with him. I have had guys tell me that they want to meet up/go on a date again for months. I used to get excited and then disappointed, but I realize now that if they say that for a while, it's not going to happen. I wouldn't offer to pay someone else's way either. You might be internet friends, but really, you don't know each other well. It's nice of you to offer, but I have learned over time that other people's financial situations are not my problem. I am all for a cheap date/just hanging out, picnics, etc but I am not paying anyone's way to get to me. I would say you are just wasting your time here. He is stringing you along. Take it from someone who has had this type of thing happen before. Also, don't invest so much time getting to know someone prior to meeting. A lot of times you invest so much time and emotion, then meet and discover the same attraction is not there!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

One difficult situation. Posted: 1/5/2009 7:37:01 AM
You are welcome. One other thing...you say that you worry that you are paying the rent while she is looking for another guy. I can't understand how/why people have relationships with others who cannot pay their own bills. I did it once, and let me tell you, I would never do it again. It is such a drain on the person paying the bills. At your young age, you need to concentrate on getting your life together. I cannot stress that enough. Believe me, I have been where you are at a young age...trying to put a relationship back together because I thought I was so in love...without worrying about what I should have been thinking about...MY LIFE! If you think this girl is looking for another man while you pay the bills, chances are she is. Why can't she pay her own bills? Is she going to be one of those types who can never pay her own bills and always needs someone else to take care of her? Really think about this relationship. I have thought before that my insecurity was making me paranoid...a lot of times, we know the answer to situations and our intuition is telling us what the answer is...maybe you should listen to yours.... Take care, and I hope this gets better. Just remember you will be okay without this girl, if this doesn't work out.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

Rotten luck Posted: 1/4/2009 8:57:06 PM
I agree with Jason - bad decisions on your part are the reason, not rotten luck. NEVER trust a woman who says she cannot get pregnant. I know another man who trusted a woman who said this, and within a month, she was pregnant and laughing that she had trapped him and he fell for it. Wear a condom in the future. And get a DNA test. It might be the husband's baby or someone else's. And be smarter in the future!!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

One difficult situation. Posted: 1/4/2009 8:45:25 PM
I definitely agree that you need counseling for depression. Many people become depressed over time, and counseling can help. If you are both committed to working on the relationship, maybe couples counseling could help, too. You two also need to be financially stable. It sounds like (and I don't know you, so I don't know for sure) that you need to figure out your life and what you want to do with it. This relationship doesn't sound very healthy to me for either of you. I am not going to say it can't be saved, but it would take a ton of work. My fear is that she's going to keep looking for another man and leave you the next time she finds one.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Such Dad, Such Other One Posted: 1/3/2009 1:19:50 PM
I have never looked for a guy like my father. He's an alcoholic, mean and cares little for anyone. Sure don't want one like that!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

im dating, but im lonely.. Posted: 1/1/2009 5:13:44 PM
OP, if the man is recently divorced, maybe he really isn't ready for anything more. I have found that the recently divorced men I have dated weren't ready for something, even when they were romantic and intimate and thought they were ready to move on. I doubt that pushing him will help. I've found the opposite to be true. I would suggest backing off and dating others, if you aren't happy with what he can offer. I usually don't date recently divorced men due to their not being ready to move on. Just seemed to be a losing battle every time I tried it!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Dumped too quick 4 having Herpies, or just lack of education? Posted: 12/31/2008 8:14:29 PM
I know my friend should tell guys up front, but she doesn't. She already knows one guy who says she gave it to him. Most of them, as far as she knows, have never got it from her. I do feel for her because she unknowingly got it from an ex, but I feel she should tell men. It's unfair for them not to know and be able to make their own mind up about dating/being intimate with her. But she still doesn't tell people, and there's not much anyone can do about that. I'm sure there are others who do the same, as well as those who don't know they have it.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

Enjoying being single Posted: 12/31/2008 5:41:31 PM
[quote - people who say they enjoy being single are just fouling themselves] No, I used to say the same thing, but I have realized that being single has lots of perks. Yes, I get lonely sometimes, but I have a busy social life and friends. I go out on dates, too. Being single is nice because I get to run my own life and do what I want. No arguing over who cooks, cleans, finances, etc. Now, I would like to find the right person one day, but life is good right now, too.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Am I Over-Looking Mr. Right For Me? Posted: 12/31/2008 11:10:19 AM
OP, I think it was weird that he said he was falling in love with you. You can't fall in love with someone you haven't met. I certainly don't see how you can, at least. I have talked with men before and thought we really hit it off online or on the phone, but I have not been attracted to them when I met them. I have had guys not be attracted to me, too, after thinking we were a great match. I agree with the posters who said an attraction is a must. Sometimes, it just isn't there. People can't make it be there. No sometimes, I have become attracted later to someone I wasn't initially attracted to, but sometimes there is no attraction and never will be. It doesn't make someone shallow in my book. The only ones I think that are really shallow are people who only go for very hot men (or women) with no concern if the person is smart, has the same interests, nice, caring, etc.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 80 (view)

does the single life get you down sometimes? Posted: 12/31/2008 10:56:36 AM
I agree with the poster who said co-ed sports. I met so many people (men and women) when I played co-ed sports. In the past, I hated being single, just hated it. I felt so depressed going places solo, and I felt everyone had someone but me. But now, I really have started enjoying being single. I have some hobbies that really keep me busy. I enjoy not having to "report in" to anyone. I just enjoy making up my mind what I want to do each evening/weekend. It really is the way you look at it. If you look at this as a miserable time in your life, it will be. But if you start looking at it in a different light, you will probably feel better. When you feel good about yourself and aren't looking so hard (i.e., getting out and enjoying life, participating in things, etc), then if someone comes along, you project the right image to women and have a better chance of attracting them! When people used to tell me this, I would say, "yeah, right." But it really is true. I, for one, can attest to that!!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

found the girl of my dreams Posted: 12/31/2008 10:27:54 AM
I won't say that people can't fall in love that quickly, but I have learned the hard way that the honeymoon period rarely lasts that long. If it lasts, great! But I caution you on planning your lives after two weeks. Too much could happen. And you barely know each other!!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

New to dating - help Posted: 12/31/2008 10:25:33 AM
I usually send an email to that effect, telling the guy we aren't a match. Since it's just a few conversations or one or two dates, that should suffice. Most have just either not responded or told me good luck when I did that. They didn't seem heartbroken or anything!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Did I Overreact?? Posted: 12/31/2008 10:23:35 AM
I would have clicked Delete as soon as I read the first email. Either a weirdo or a scammer!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Men who respond and then leave you hanging, only to email you again??? Posted: 12/31/2008 10:18:35 AM
This bothered me in the past, but I really don't worry about it these days. It is just part of Internet dating. People start talking to one another, and either someone or something comes up. Not a big deal to me anymore. I don't put much stock into talking to someone or going on a few dates. Now I have been stood up, and I think it is very rude, and I certainly wouldn't talk to the man after that. But as far as talking for a while and then disappearing, it happens. You really do have to grow a thicker skin when dating these days. I try not to get too excited about talking to anyone or going on a few dates.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Dumped too quick 4 having Herpies, or just lack of education? Posted: 12/31/2008 8:22:51 AM
I, too, have to commend the OP for being honest. I have a friend with the disease, and she doesn't usually tell men until after they have been intimate. I have told her several times that I would be very upset if a man knew he had the disease and didn't tell me about it. Her response is that men often wouldn't date her if she had been honest and upfront about it. I don't think you have to live a life of being alone; however, some men will not want to date you due to the disease and there is nothinig you can do about that. I think keep being honest and upfront about it. Also, try to educate the men on the disease or suggest websites for information. And be respectful when a man doesn't want to continue the relationship due to it. My friend has found some men who will date her regardless of the disease (when she is upfront and honest about it), so I'm sure there is hope for you, too.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 103 (view)

He says this isn't abuse??? Posted: 12/29/2008 8:19:18 AM
OP, Sorry to hear about the things you're going through. Definitely sounds abusive to me. Maybe the best thing to do is to get your life straight. If you're not making enough money to live (except in a van or with an abusive man), then your education/gaining additional job skills should be important to you now. Getting a stable life going is needed for the baby. It sounds like you are jumping from one man to another. Maybe forget about men for a while. Sounds like you have much more important things to worry about. Oh, I see that you have had problems with birth control. Maybe consider using an alternative or back-up in the future, since you have had trouble with the pill being effective. If you are having trouble financially, it isn't fair to bring a child (children) into the world that you can't take care of. I am not saying this to be judgmental, but you need to have more options than a shelter or a van for this child.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 218 (view)

Guy Refuses to talk on cell while driving & also at work Posted: 12/28/2008 4:02:51 PM
I am still appalled by what I read from kittenhere. Are you just posting this stuff for attention? I don't know many people who don't believe in the harmful effects of second-hand smoke. I am bothered that you would broadcast smoking through your pregnancies. Poor kids. You may be a smart woman, but your posts are making you sound very dumb, kittenhere. You are making yourself not only sound uneducated but also like a spoiled brat!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Date a Seperated Person...Depending on.... Posted: 12/26/2008 11:06:30 AM
The answer for me is NO, I wouldn't date a separated man. I did it once, and it was enough for me never to do it again. He was very upset at his ex for leaving him for another man, and he was embroiled in a huge custody fight. It was draining for me as his girlfriend, to say the least. I became his nightly therapist and had to listen to every detail of the ongoing fight with her. He was nowhere ready to move on with his life. And after almost a year with him (and still no divorce), he told me I was a rebound for him and he wanted to date someone else. Nice! These days, I consider myself lucky that it didn't work out with him, but it definitely made me rule out any separated men in the future. I want someone ready to move on with his life, and most of the time, separated just isn't ready!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Am I too sensitive? Posted: 12/24/2008 12:31:32 PM
Why the rush to move in? Is it to save money or do you live far away from each other? I don't suggest moving in until you really know her. I understand you wanting to not put a dent in your relationship, but maybe you two are just not ready.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

He still gets a christmas tree for the kids Posted: 12/22/2008 12:43:20 PM
I'm confused. Is there something else going on here, or are you just mad that he bought and put up a tree for his kids? Are you leery about his relationship with the ex? I can understand you being somewhat upset over your Christmas party, but maybe he did just forget. If so, I would let it go. If you feel he may still have feelings for his ex, then I understand and you need to watch his behavior there. I have twice dated men who said they were over their exes but weren't. However, if you are upset because he bought and decorated a tree for his kids, then I don't understand. That sounds like a great thing for him to do. And he offered to buy you one!! I have never had a man do that for me, so you are lucky! I am not sure if you are needy or don't like sharing him. I don't know you, so I wouldn't know. I know it's hard to date men with children sometimes, and I don't generally do that anymore since it's not right for me. But if you are going to date men with children, then you have to realize he is going to do things for his children (which he should). I guess I'm confused as to why you're so upset!!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Is this considered being shallow?? Posted: 12/22/2008 12:20:08 PM
OP...I went back and read another thread of yours, so I'm wondering if your girlfriend is still talking to her ex (as you mentioned in a previous thread). I think there are some questions to be answered by you before anyone can really give good advice. 1) Maybe she isn't having sex with you as much because she really wants to be with him? Could that be a possibility? It could also be the pregnancy. 2) Do you have another child with her already? I thought that was what you were saying in the other thread. 3) Did she have any ambition when you met her and want to work to have things, or has she had less motivation lately? 4) Does she seem depressed? 5) Have you two ever discussed her not working to stay home and take care of children? My take is if she always had a lack of motivation, then you probably should have left her way before now (if you like motivated women). I don't think it is shallow to want a motivated woman who wants to work. Some women want to take care of children instead of working, and that is always something that should be discussed beforehand. I know things happen, and we all make mistakes. Some people think that bringing kids into the world helps relationships, but I have never seen that to be the case. Maybe counseling would help. Maybe not at this point. Sounds like a relationship that needs some intervention, or you are both probably going to be miserable.

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

He can't understand why I won't take him back Posted: 12/21/2008 4:44:20 PM
Thanks for all the responses. I certainly feel there was no way I could ever trust him again, and I want to be with someone who isn't so easily swayed by a pretty face. I told him last night that I didn't want to give him any false hope, there was no chance that I was going to change my mind! I feel good about my decision, and I'm ready to take on the new year!!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

He can't understand why I won't take him back Posted: 12/20/2008 2:24:00 PM
Giggle...actually, we met in person and it wasn't the physical that I went after. He was very sweet to me and we had a lot in common. We started as friends and then started dating. Just wanted to say that so it didn't sound like I went after him because of his looks. He is an attractive man, but he isn't going to be on GQ just as I'm not appearing on any magazine covers either...lol!! Thanks for your reply!!

katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

He can't understand why I won't take him back Posted: 12/20/2008 2:02:54 PM
Almost two months ago, the man I had been dating broke it off with me, citing a few reasons that I really didn't buy (age difference, didn't cook enough (we were just dating and I didn't know he expected a meal every time he came over), etc.). Since he had never mentioned these as problems, I thought something sounded fishy. Sure enough, I found about a few weeks later that he and his ex-girlfriend got back together (from someone else). Fast forward to about two weeks ago. He started emailing saying that he was starting to regret his decision to break up and that he really did love me, I was the best ever, etc. He asked me to meet him for dinner. I met him and asked him to honestly tell me what happened. Now at this point, I had already heard he had broken up with me for the ex-girlfriend. He profusely denied that he had gone back to her. He claimed he made a huge mistake and would do anything to make up for our break-up. We continued to talk for a week, but something in the back of my mind just kept telling me he was lying about going back to the ex-girlfriend. Also, I just didn't know that I could go back to a man who so easily dropped me in the first place. Made me feel that things just didn't work out with the other girl and so he was running back to me. I finally told him that I really had doubts about him seeing the other woman and that I just didn't see us being able to get back together. He finally admitted that he had broken up with me for the other woman, and that he just didn't want to tell me for fear I would never talk to him. I asked him why he had broken up with me (when he told me he loved me, was talking about a future, etc) and went back to her. I thought maybe they had unresolved feelings, similar interests, etc. He said, no similar interests, really had nothing in common, but she was very pretty and he liked that. He said that she was a *itch to him again as she had been in the past, and he remembered that I had treated him so well, etc. And that he loved how we had so much in common. I told him no way to getting back together. My feelings are if he dropped me (I'm not a bombshell but I'm athletic, active and attractive) for another woman because she was pretty, then he really didn't have that strong of feelings for me. Also, he lied to me about going back to her, and I feel I can't trust him. He says I should give him another chance and that he will make it up to me. I know what I feel, but I wanted some other advice from the forum participants. Thanks in advance!

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 163 (view)

Does it matter if a woman is a good cook? Posted: 11/22/2008 6:18:06 PM
Thanks to all of you for your replies. Turns out it wasn't my lack of cooking skills (I did cook at least a few nights a week, though)....it was that his ex-girlfriend who came back in the picture. His friends say he was talking to her, and they got back together. I figured it had nothing to do with cooking, since I did pretty much everything else (washed his clothes, cleaned my house, helped him at his house, etc). He just didn't want to tell me he'd been talking to his ex and needed an excuse. I would have rather he told me the truth so I wouldn't have worried I had done something wrong.

Katietxgirl

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Have you ever been glad a relationship ended later Posted: 11/17/2008 8:23:55 PM
I am wondering what you all think...have you ever had a relationship where you were sad it ended but months or years later, you thought it was the best thing? I have had several like that. I had a relationship a few years ago with a separated man with two children. We dated 10 months and since I loved him, I tried my best to be his therapist, be nice to his kids, and put up with his divorce situation. He broke it off with me at the end of 10 months saying that he wasn't feeling it (and was feeling it with someone else). I was hurt for several months afterwards. Now when I look back, I feel that it was for the best. He was still in love with his soon to be ex, and he was trying to do anything to break up her and her new boyfriend. His daughter was exhibiting signs of problems (she was 12), and I think the divorce was affecting her terribly. He had full custody of the children, and his soon to be ex would not keep the kids overnight (because it conflicted with her getting to spend the night with the bf). I met her once, and I know it was going to be he** dealing with her my entire life. What's weird is that while I was upset then, I am glad now. I realize that it probably would never have lasted, that it would have been difficult, etc. Anyone else have this a similar experience where they are now glad a relationship ended?

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