Has sexual harrassment actually affected you? chat & forums.

Show ALL Forums

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Author

Thread: Has sexual harrassment actually affected you?

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Has sexual harrassment actually affected you? Posted: 1/14/2008 11:01:53 PM
I worked at a place once where a guy was leaving so a bunch of the other guys took him out for lunch. They took him to a local bar that had noon-time strippers. Some of the ladies, myself included, thought it was hilarious and planned to give the guys a good-natured hard time when they came back. Unfortunately one female co-worker was VERY upset and circulated a petition demanding that the men involved be reprimanded for their conduct (on their own time, off-site). She felt personally threatened by having to work with men she knew were in a state of sexual arousal. She was SO upset and threatened that she insisted on taking the rest of the day off. Several other women actually signed the petition and management felt forced to call the guys into the office and have a talk with them. All this in spite of the fact that NONE of the guys did a single inappropriate thing of ANY description to ANYONE. That day, I almost felt embarrassed to be female.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Ever pick the wrong person to love and marry when someone else also loved you Posted: 1/14/2008 10:39:48 PM
Happiness is not found in having what you want as much as wanting what you have. What you are talking about is just another form of "the grass is greener.." and it is that kind of thinking that takes your focus away from appreciating what is right in front of you. It is interesting to think about people you have known but not to the extent where you are thinking you made a big mistake and would have been happier with the other person. That is just avoiding current issues by hiding in a fantasy. I have an ex who thinks about me that way - "the one that got away". I just feel sorry for his wife and wish he would shift his focus to her.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Transit Changes Announced Posted: 1/14/2008 10:24:06 PM
I drive my car for 45 minutes to an hour to get to work, park it for the day, then drive it home. I would LOVE to take the bus. I could read, listen to music or audio books, be oblivious to the bad drivers out there, chat with strangers. It would be great! It would also take me two hours on three buses plus a 25 minute walk, each way. Sorry but I don't have the time or the back to do that. I am looking forward to the improvements in the hope that they will be well-planned, efficient and practical ...... OK you can stop laughing now!!

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Hillary or Obama........ Posted: 1/14/2008 10:05:24 PM
Unfortuneatly america (similar to god green earth- Canada) not enough people get out to vote or even worse base thier opinions on someone else's research ( whom ever Oprah or whom ever thinks should win) "The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity" The Second Coming W.B. Yeats Great poem - keeps popping into my head when there is an election on the horizon (sigh).

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 96 (view)

What to do with old wedding rings? Posted: 1/13/2008 11:48:06 AM
I traded mine for some tattoo work. My daughter was a bit upset that I didn't pass them down but I just asked her, "Why would you want to start a new relationship with the symbols of a failed one?" She agreed.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

Masterbation...How much is Too Much??? Posted: 1/13/2008 11:28:42 AM
How much is too much? When Eveready starts sending you Christmas cards. (That little pink bunny is so-o-o-o cute)

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

One day here, the next day gone. Posted: 1/11/2008 11:17:53 PM
Yes! I chatted with a guy who gave me his phone number but I didn't have the time to call him for a couple of days. Then, when I went back to my inbox to get the number, his emails and profile had completely disappeared. Not even "account closed" ..... it was like he had never existed (cue the spooky music) .

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 101 (view)

Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures Posted: 1/11/2008 10:55:40 PM
Karl-in-Pcola: It is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and it is GREAT!! I recommend this book to people all the time. When you do the POF Needs test, the final "Preferred Expressions of Affection" looks like it was based on this book. I know that it sure answered a lot of questions about things that had happened in previous relationships for me.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 86 (view)

Do gentlemen still exist? I mean sweet gestures Posted: 1/10/2008 10:17:45 PM
I would LOVE to be sent flowers at work but the only time I can remember that happening was an arrangement that came from my ex - and he was living with someone else at the time. Not a gentleman, I am afraid. I did recently spend some time with a true gentleman, though, and it was utterly delightful to be treated to those quiet expressions of respect and affection. It spoiled me for sure. I don't think I could settle for less, after that. You know - once you've tasted filet mignon (did I spell that right?), it's hard to go back to hamburger - even really good hamburger.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Laughing together Posted: 1/8/2008 8:20:25 PM
The ability to laugh - especially at yourself - is a great sign of inner peace and detachment (a good thing). The more you take things personally, the more guarded and defensive you get, and the less funny things seem. When you allow yourself to step back and view the world with wonder, you can't help but laugh. I love a man with a mischievous ("Irish") twinkle in his eyes. You know there is a chuckle in there just waiting to escape.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Can Hemp Save The World Posted: 1/8/2008 6:43:28 PM
The company I work for bought logo shirts for everyone, made of hemp & cotton. They were great!! Warm in winter, cool in summer, long-wearing, very soft and comfortable. I would buy clothing with hemp in it anytime. Forgive my ignorance then (especially since I live in grow-op central (blush)) but is growing non-marijuana hemp illegal? If not, what is stopping the expansion of this industry? Is it just the public stigma attached to the name? I know the manufacturer's logo on those shirts caused more than a few raised eyebrows amongst our customers . If there was a demand, would not production rise to meet it? I mean, it worked with the high THC stuff, didn't it ?

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 173 (view)

Relationships and Affairs Posted: 1/8/2008 3:59:51 PM
Unless you have an agreed open marriage, it is virtually impossible to have an affair if you tell the prospect that your partner is a wonderful, loving person who is great in bed. So, there is way more to an affair than just screwing someone else. Maybe it is a female thing, but I felt WAY more betrayed by the lies my cheating husband told about me than I was by the physical act. I also cringed every time he whispered loving things to me, wondering if those once-special words were just part of his patter. I knew what he was like when he was aroused so I KNEW how much of himself he was sharing with the other person. What was special and meaningful and intimate became a physical function and little more. The man that I trusted, more than anyone else, to watch my back as lovingly as I watched his, was now the one driving the knives into it. He became someone I had to protect myself from. The intimacy/romance you give to the other person is something you are NOT sharing with your partner, so the honesty is again lost. Instead of sharing your desire for a romantic weekend with your partner, openly discussing why you haven't had one in so long, and then planning one together, you sneak off to a quick-fix with someone else - and NEVER deal with the issues at home. In a partnership that is supposed to be based on honesty, affairs build a wall of lies and secrets and they destroy trust. It's PERSONAL because intimacy is personal.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 145 (view)

Come post your tips here to help others avoid stupidity! Posted: 1/8/2008 2:51:45 PM
Don't lean over a table with a candle burning on it if your have long hair. Got the nickname "torch" for that one! Take the batteries out of toys you pack for a camping weekend. They can turn on by themselves. "Mom, what's that noise??" When burning garbage, don't put your hand over the end of a cardboard tube to push it into the fire.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 285 (view)

what turns you on? Posted: 1/7/2008 7:40:07 PM
A warm hug, then a kiss on the neck from the right tall (for me), big guy - with a low growl thrown in for good measure and I am jello on fire Tattoos. But mostly, smiling eyes, gentle, with a bit of "Irish" in them. Still, if I love someone, EVERYTHING about them turns me on, because I know what is underneath the skin and behind the eyes.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Your just like me ex... Posted: 1/6/2008 6:02:01 PM
Umm, maybe some of us have some GOOD memories about our exes - and the statement isn't always an insult. In the case of observant lvr it does sound like she was being negative - probably her way of avoiding any responsibility for things not working out - but that isn't always true. I would LOVE to find a guy who was a mixture of all the good traits in my exes. In fact, every guy I meet usually shows me something that I find attractive - otherwise, why would I be with him - and that updates my wish list.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

It's the cell phone or me !!! Posted: 1/6/2008 5:50:42 PM
I keep my cell phone with me because I want to be available if someone needs me. Still, since I have call display, I can always choose to let it go to voice mail and call the person back at a more convenient time, and there ARE times when the phone stays in my purse . What bothers me is when I answer the phone because it might be important, TELL the person calling that I am "out with a friend" and they STILL keep talking! Then I get trapped trying to politely shut them down and exchanging apologetic looks with the person I am with. I guess I just need to be more forceful

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Things people or experiences have ruined for you Posted: 1/6/2008 10:44:29 AM
Celtic music and maritime accents. My heritage is Irish and I used to LOVE anything Celtic, until a Newfie b***h destroyed my last relationship. Now it just makes my teeth clench. The smell of roses. A very mean woman I used to work with practically drowned herself in rose perfume. Actually this is something that has been a bit of a thorn in my side because I really resent that these pleasures have been spoiled for me. It also bothers me that I seem to be able to forgive the people and get past that part of it but the negative associations just seem to hang on in the background.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

Simple pleasures.... Posted: 1/4/2008 7:28:11 PM
Watching my kids, who are in their twenties, playing together like they were half their ages. Great blue herons and bald eagles. The smiles I get when I make chocolate chip cookies. Actually, just seeing the people I love smiling. YULE!! Knowing that the shortest day of the year is finally here and the days get brighter from here on out. Silence.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

a real turn off......... Posted: 1/4/2008 7:07:34 PM
Interests: "too many to list". I mean, thank you for clearing that up.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

POF personality types - does it work? Posted: 1/3/2008 10:38:01 PM
I took the personality test when I first signed on - and I was feeling rather negative at the time. The type it assigned to me wasn't anything like who I am MOST of the time. I took the test again recently, on another site, and this time it said I was an ENFP. When I read the description of that type it was uncannily accurate. Still if you are searching for an ENFP on POF, you will never find me. I can't help but wonder how many other "false readings" are out there, so searching by type is probably still hit-and-miss. That is why I mention my type in my profile - just so people who are looking for that indicator know "who" I am. I also agree with Xavery. The compatibility rating is sometimes really strange and I don't really pay that much attention to it.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

New Years 2008 with ABBA and Fleetwood Mac Photos Posted: 1/1/2008 7:59:15 PM
Thanks to all from the newbie seated in the "Cliff Claven" position at the far end of the bar . I had a great time and look forward to attending more events in the future.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 400 (view)

Should I tell his wife? Posted: 1/1/2008 7:46:08 PM
I know this is an old - and somewhat closed thread but I would like to add my two cents. I was with my second husband, and father of my kids, for ten years. He started cheating on me after six-months and never stopped. I knew he was spending time with other women and I knew he was trying to keep it secret from me BUT I loved him, believed him when he said he loved me and NEEDED to believe his lies that he was only friends with them and not sleeping with them. He KNEW how much value I put on being able to trust him and refused to believe he would betray that trust in such a cruel way. When the husband of one of his girlfriends came to me looking for reciprocal treatment -and being very confused by my rejection because my husband had told him we had an open marriage and I was OK with him "helping out" his wife, my whole world fell apart. My point is that what was almost unbearable was the realization of how much had already happened over all those years that I was just too gullible and stupid to see. I WISHED that someone had told me sooner and opened my eyes. He also had been telling people terrible lies about me and how he only stayed with me for the kids but that I didn't love him. Fortunately, I have dealt with those times and, believe it or not, we are actually friends today. I don't have to trust him with anything anymore, so he can't hurt me and I can accept that his actions were always about himself and not really directed at me. I was just a prop in his story, not a main character - and now I am just a member of the audience, with kids that love us both. People deserve the respect of knowing the truth. How you tell them is, of course, your choice, but how they handle it is THEIR choice as well.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

NEWS year eve alone this year 07/08 Posted: 1/1/2008 2:53:26 PM
There is an old saying that goes "You are only lonely if you don't like the person you are alone with" . I struggled with that after my encounter with reality last night but realized that I have always spent New Years Eve with my family so I see it as time to be with people you LOVE and, even nicer, to share a moment (and a kiss) with one special loved one. Up until midnight, last night was a GREAT party. I just tripped over my own perceptions when the ball dropped (smile). That's OK. I wasn't drinking, so I drove home safely, slept in late, went to Timmy's for lunch and took my dog for a long walk in the forest. Talking to the trees always helps me to get my center back .

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

NEWS year eve alone this year 07/08 Posted: 1/1/2008 11:31:34 AM
I am not sure which is worse, to spend New Years Eve curled up with a movie and some popcorn, enjoying your own company - or to spend the evening with a big party crowd, and to be slapped in the face at midnight by the realization that you are alone. I think that next year, I will choose the first option. I met some really great people last night but the drive home was a cold one. Reality tends to do that to you sometimes.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Dream killing relationships Posted: 12/30/2007 9:35:34 PM
Some people's dream is to have a successful relationship and a good family. Not everybody's dream consists of fame and fortune. I recently told a friend that I was looking for a shared dream. There always has to be give and take but if the couple is focused on each other then the dreams aren't killed. They evolve. You are right, however. The people involved have to be comfortable enough in their own skin to allow that evolution to take place. If they stubbornly hold onto "their" dream, they risk doing it alone.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

What exactly are fakes? Posted: 12/30/2007 10:56:26 AM
I think that when we first "meet" someone, whether it is by reading their profile, emailing or even a short first date, we tend to take the parts we KNOW are there and fill in the blanks with the parts we THINK are there. We can even put a spin on the information right in front of us so that it fits the picture better. If we are aware that this is happening , we can step back and be more objective and honest with ourselves but if we believe the picture we have painted to be who this person is telling us they are, then we can end up feeling lied to and played when the real bits start coming up to challenge the unreal ones. Unfortunately, this tendency is what gives the real players a lot of their power because they can let you believe that there is a real, caring person buried under there and that you are the "one" who can capture their heart. Somehow, though, I think that most of the miscommunication comes from people thinking they know exactly what they want but either not being really good at dealing with that person when they come along or discovering that what truly makes them happy is quite different from what they thought would do that. Having been with a couple of very controlling men, where I had to fight constantly to keep from disappearing, I never thought I would enjoy being with a man who wanted to "steer the bus" - until I met one who also treated me like I really mattered to him (another thing I had no experience with). He showed me how great it can be to feel safe and cared for AND still feel strong and appreciated. Being with him, totally changed what I was looking for in a partner. Does that mean I was "fake" before? No, it just means that I learned from my experiences and grew a little bit. People change. People grow. That is what we do. Our choice is in the direction of our growth, not the fact of it.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Gossip Posted: 12/29/2007 6:26:08 PM
There is a difference between gossip and venting. Gossip is telling stories for the sensationalist buzz. It usually has no interest in whether what is being tossed around is even true, let alone respectful to the person being talked about. It is fed by the "Wow, really?!". Gossip is usually damaging and almost always disrespectful. Venting is throwing something onto the floor that is a thorn in your side and seeing what other peoples' perspectives are on it. It is also a way of verbalizing things that are bothering you. Sometimes it just helps to hear your own thoughts put into words and sometimes it takes several people to talk through an issue and come up with ideas to make things better. Venting can be healthy and productive but, again, at least one person in the group still needs to maintain a level of respect or it will just turn into a b**ch session that usually leaves everyone feeling negative and guilty. And, in my opinion, secrets have no time limit. They were given to me by someone who trusted me and that person is the only one who can say whether or not the information still needs to be kept secret. I have had several instances in my life where information came back to me through a string of people telling secrets to people they thought would NEVER know anyone that would connect the story to the original person. I even found out about an affair my ex was having by chatting with a stranger at a bingo hall many years ago. Kind of a Six Degrees of Bacon thing.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

What were you like???? Posted: 12/28/2007 10:24:59 PM
I was "Jim's sister" - nice but a bit of a nerd and invisible in my brother's shadow. I had always planned to be a veterinarian and NEVER wanted kids. I ended up as an accountant with three kids who I am fiercely proud of. Go figure! High school is where I started learning things the hard way. The bullying taught me the value of kindness. It is where I started to get a sense of my own inner peace. There were more "lessons" to follow, but that is for another thread, I think I actually smile when I think of those days, partly because I triumphed over it all ("In your face, Steve ") and partly because I am finally old enough that I have used the lessons I learned back then and the USEFULNESS of that time continually amazes me.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

world full of losers Posted: 12/27/2007 7:30:04 PM
Be the change you seek to find. For every act of violence there are a thousand acts of kindness that go unnoticed. One person sees a rose bush with some thorns and another sees a thorn bush with a few roses. Both are looking at the same bush. YOU choose your perspective, operationwolf. I suggest you choose a more positive one. Fewer ulcers and more smiles.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 99 (view)

Is online dating too hard? Posted: 12/26/2007 12:15:55 PM
if you take it too seriously, you'll never get anywhere. Everything must be taken with a grain of salt. I guess that is what I meant by people having different expectations here. My profile says that I am looking for a long term relationship and, I am sorry, but I take that VERY seriously. If you are here looking for friends then this is just a social network and you can choose to interact on a casual level with an open time-line. You can also choose what parts of yourself you want to bring into the friendship. If you are here looking for a life partner, then there is a lot more that needs to be considered. Maybe that is why my profile is so long .

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Awakening your inner ………critic? Posted: 12/26/2007 11:52:20 AM
I used to have a bumper sticker that said, "I May Get Older But I Will Never Grow Up" I think maturity is the ability to accept yourself and others at ALL levels without getting caught up in other people's opinions and expectations. Part of that is being honest with yourself about the total spectrum of "people" that you are. Your choice is not in WHO you are but rather in which part of yourself you choose to feed. Personally I choose to feed quiet detachment and wonder and kindness, but that doesn't mean that I don't KNOW there is a cold-hearted cynic in there as well. In fact, she has been invaluable in getting me through some very rough times - and she gives my gentler side the confidence to shine. I used to know a third-degree black belt who was one of the gentlest and most peaceful people I had ever met. He knew he had power to be quiet. As far as the "stiffening boredom" thing, I will quote the following: "A thing that has stopped growing is dead". I don't plan to die for a VERY long time.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Role Reversal Posted: 12/26/2007 9:49:12 AM
My kids' dad was on the road a lot so most of the parenting fell to me anyways and when we split up, he really didn't want that much involvement with them either. I just tried to be a good example to them and show them the values I thought were important but what I did feel was lacking in their lives was a positive male role model, so when I decided to look for another partner, one of my top priorities was someone that could provide that for them. The man I chose was never "dad" but he gave them a good, strong male perspective to learn from. Now, my kids are close to their birth father, as he mellowed a lot with age, and show a lot of the positive influence from my (now ex) partner.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 75 (view)

Robert Pickton Verdict= GUILTY Posted: 12/25/2007 10:46:33 PM
What about the guys who cleaned out their stables by sending their "problems" to Pickton to get rid of. Do you really think he did this by himself? He was a troubled, sadistic man who LIKED his job as "street-cleaner". That makes him someone, in my mind, who needs to be locked away forever because neither he nor the system has the desire or the resources to fix his problems. The details of why and how he gets locked up are irrelevant, as long as he stays there. Unfortunately, that still leaves a bunch of other people who are just as heartless and sadistic, walking as free men - and busily setting up someone else to take over where Pickton left off. He was nothing more than a tool and NOTHING has changed for the group of women that Pickton targeted.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 931 (view)

Let an accomplished screenwriter rate your profile. C'mon. Try me! Posted: 12/24/2007 9:29:20 PM
OK, I am fairly new at this and would appreciate some help. Thanks

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 147 (view)

Why do men request Financially Secure women???? Posted: 12/24/2007 12:00:03 AM
I have always supported myself in any relationship I was in, and often was the one with the higher income. I always just figured that we were working as a team so, as long as we were both contributing with respect - to ourselves and to each other, money was just a tool that we used together, not a measure of control/ego/competition/etc. I really don't care how much money my partner makes and I would happily live in a cabin on a beach somewhere if there was mutual respect and affection. I think (hope?) the "financially secure" thing is mainly aimed at eliminating people who are just looking for a free meal and aren't willing to put in the effort to build a balanced partnership.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 174 (view)

How dodgy are you?? Posted: 12/23/2007 10:41:12 PM
Years in prison: 8 Potential fine: £5000 Not too bad. Oh, wait a minute ..... does that make my playful smirk nothing more than a tease??? Damn!

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

is it alright to just be yourself!! Posted: 12/23/2007 10:51:49 AM
They're having slumber parties, giggling, and professing the merits of playing hard to get, not returning phone calls, flirting strategies, not looking desperate, body language, or whatever. They're learning the "game" and how to play it... and very very well. Thank you! from someone who is NOT great at playing the "game", who doesn't know how to balance on the fine line between enthusiastic and "cool". For me JBY means being interested and caring and really getting a kick out of bringing a smile to peoples' faces - especially when it is someone that I respect and admire. Try balancing that with playing hard to get!

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 86 (view)

Is online dating too hard? Posted: 12/22/2007 9:57:21 PM
I think that everyone comes here with different expectations and that can take a bit of getting used to. LTR also does not mean the same thing to every one who has it listed on their profile - but then neither does Friends or Dating. It can be very frustrating sometimes. I am a very friendly person, but not really social, so I tend to find crowds intimidating. I will be fighting that feeling at the New Years Eve party (please be gentle with me !) because I know that networking is really important when you are trying to meet new people. Believe me, all my friends and family know that I am "looking". Even if I don't meet Mr Right here, I could meet Mr. Right's sister, son, co-worker, etc.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Dating one, then a previous someone... Posted: 12/21/2007 10:10:45 PM
I've been on both sides of this issue and my opinion is to go for it. In fact I had a guy once tell me that he was picking someone else but really hated the idea of giving me up. I just told him, very matter-of factly, NOT to then. We were together for 11 years after that Besides, sometimes it takes getting what you think you want to realize that it is not that great after all and what you left behind looks a WHOLE lot better than it did before.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

When you die, where would you like to be buried? Or does it matter? Posted: 12/17/2007 8:43:14 PM
Man hatten: Absolutely, funerals are for the living!! I will happily give up all say in what happens to my body when I die and if a funeral will help the people I love, then go ahead. I just found that feeling the continuance of my parents was far more peaceful and rewarding than the alternative. They are not "lost" because I see and feel them everywhere, even in the mirror . I KNOW and RESPECT that other people don't share my casual acceptance of death. I only ask that they respect that it was an awareness that came from some very painful lessons and not because I don't care. I care very much.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE, STORY OR POEM? Posted: 12/16/2007 11:29:58 PM
OK, I have two stories that inspire me: A man traveled with the Buddha and determined to test his philosophy of love. Every time the Buddha spoke, the man would heckle and harass him. He followed him everywhere and took every opportunity to berate and antagonize him. This went on for three days and in all that time the Buddha never showed the man anything but love and kindness. Finally the man couldn't stand it any longer. He confronted the Buddha and said, " I have treated you with anger and rudeness and you have shown me nothing but love. How can you do that ?!" The Buddha just smiled at the man and asked, "If you offer someone a gift and they do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" People do what they do, and nothing more. If I accept their negativity into myself then I have accepted their gift and that choice is always mine. An old man was talking to a young boy and said, " I feel like there are two wolves fighting in my heart. One is kind and loving and caring. The other is mean and cruel and angry." The boy asked. "But Grandfather, which wolf will win the fight?" The grandfather just smiled and said, "The one that I feed". I really love both those stories.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Awakening your inner ………critic? Posted: 12/16/2007 5:20:52 PM
I met someone recently who showed me a part of myself that I had NO idea was there - and I consider myself to be a fairly introspective person. I was intrigued and excited by the revelation but also TOTALLY unaware of what to do with it. I am afraid that I probably made a lot of serious blunders while trying to figure things out. Unfortunately things did not work out between us but I will always be grateful to him for opening that door. I think that maturity is the ability to step back from your life and just WATCH for a time. Then you can make a clear decision of which beast you want to feed.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

What about good social skills now days? Posted: 12/16/2007 4:35:44 PM
Written communication is great for sending information to people. I'm always saying to people at work, who tell me something in passing, to put it in an email. That way I have a record of what they want and a reminder that it needs to be dealt with. Unfortunately, trying to communicate feelings and intention is not so simple, at least from my experience. Even when I choose my words very carefully, I can't always convey what the tone of my voice or the look in my eyes is at the time. Still, you have to balance clarity of communication with the security of distance - and the constraints of time too, I guess. I just know that I have been very frustrated with misunderstandings from written communication in the past and, if what I am saying is important enough, I would ALWAYS prefer to see the eyes of the person I am talking to.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Ridiculous Reading Posted: 12/16/2007 11:25:09 AM
I recently read something that combined Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Diwahli into one word. I can't remember how it went but I thought it was a great idea. Personally I like Yule. I am SOOOO delighted when the shortest day of the year arrives and the days finally start getting longer again I think it was the Egyptians who used to have a temple to the "unknown god" just in case they had missed one and didn't want to offend it in any way . Like someone else said, I don't read newspapers, or watch news on TV anymore. I surf the internet for current events and follow up the stories that interest me. Most "press" these days is just interested in sensationalism and not unbiased reporting of the facts. It seems that most journalists have lost the ability or, at least the motivation, to produce an interesting story without resorting to cheap and easy "hooks". OK. I will get down off my soap box now

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

When you die, where would you like to be buried? Or does it matter? Posted: 12/15/2007 8:59:28 PM
Neither of my parents were buried, nor did they have a funeral. Life just continued as life is meant to and they live on in the hearts and memories of the people that knew them. Put my body to good use because I will no longer be needing it and let my friends and family remember me with a smile, each in their own way. Life goes on.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

Are you the one? Posted: 12/15/2007 8:33:54 PM
There are probably lots of people that would meet my criteria for being someone I would feel good making a commitment to but there are also lots of people who come close but don't quite make it, or seem great on the surface but when you dig a little deeper you find things that don't feel so good. I think that "the one" is the person that you share a desire and a common definition of commitment with. For me, that means both feet in and all the other potential "ones" take their place outside of that shared circle. For others, it could mean "the one for now". That's OK, just not what I am looking for.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Murphy's Law-Your Version Posted: 12/15/2007 7:47:43 PM
The size of my tax return / Christmas bonus / unexpected lottery win is directly proportional to the cost of repairs my van is ABOUT to need.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Needs Posted: 12/15/2007 7:33:32 PM
Deepest needs: learning and growth. They are the hungers that drive my life. Meaning? Everywhere. It is the ability to detach and observe that opens me up to the abundance and joy that surrounds me. Can you tell I am introspective?

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 520 (view)

Introduce Yourself Here.... Posted: 12/11/2007 11:54:33 PM
Hi. I am Carol I live in Maple Ridge with my youngest son. We share the property with two dogs, three cats and about 100 chickens. My oldest son and my daughter have their own families but both live in this area. I was born just south of Montreal (no I don't speak French) and moved to Calgary as a teenager. I have lived in BC since 1972 and in the lower mainland since 1980.

Spiritual Tourist

Joined: 11/19/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

Best tv show...ever Posted: 12/11/2007 11:42:58 PM
Pinky and the Brain. My ex and I used to set the alarm for 8:00 Saturday morning, watch them and then go back to bed (laugh). I have a T-shirt. Survivor Heroes Tripping the Rift

Show ALL Forums