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blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

BEN & JERRY'S flavors you will never see Posted: 4/2/2009 5:36:37 PM
Reese's Nieces Butterflinger Spam Morrison Lemming Hendrix Three Mile Oprah Dr Philharmonic Cheese

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Jokes Body: Top Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System Posted: 4/2/2009 9:39:40 AM
" If you think AIG's bailout was a big deal , stand by ..... "

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

Midnight snacks Posted: 3/26/2009 2:08:04 PM
One thing my frig is never without - a small can of sliced peaches/heavy syrup . Eat the peaches cold out of the can , then pour the syrup/juice in a glass of milk .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

ru old? Posted: 3/26/2009 11:42:26 AM
You begin to look forward to a dull evening. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today." You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons Your back goes out more than you do. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. You're asleep, but others worry you just may be dead. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. You are proud of your lawn mower. Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws. You would rather go to work than stay home sick. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. You no longer think of speed limits as a challange. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" You have a dream about prunes. You answer a question with, "because I said so." Kidnappers are not very interested in you. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your eyes won't get much worse. There's nothing left to learn the hard way. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first Your ears perk up when a laxative commercial comes on TV. Your underwear starts creeping up on you and you enjoy it. You remember what you did yesterday by what hurts today. Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D. Your knees buckle and your belt won't. Your back goes out more than you do. You don't have any enemies because you have outlived them all.

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

horse humor.. Posted: 3/21/2009 9:06:50 AM
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his dad for the first time. He watched as his dad moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's leg, rump and chest. After a few minutes , Little Johnny asked, "Dad why are you doing that?" His dad replies, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Little Johnny, looking worried, said, "Daddy , I think Mr Johnson wants to buy mom." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse , the best strategy is to dismount. In the modern corporate world and governments, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as: 01. Buying a stronger whip. 02. Changing riders. 03. Threatening the horse with termination. 04. Appointing a committee/hire consultants to study the horse. 05. Arranging trips to visit other facilities/countries to see how others ride dead horses. 06. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included. 07. Re-classifying the dead horse as "living impaired." 08. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse. 09. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed. 10. Providing additional funding/training to increase the dead horse's performance. 11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance. 12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly/carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line than do some other horses. 13. Re-writing the expected performance requirements for all horses. 14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Wild & Crazy Folks Posted: 3/18/2009 3:34:56 PM
bread ain't done one-winged bat in a round room train of thought by Lionel both oars ain't in the water Van Gogh's ear for music out of his depth in a parking lot puddle like an envelope with no address the attention span of a lightning bolt

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Home made french fries Posted: 3/18/2009 1:41:43 PM
Excellent , SA !!!!! Remember not to put any in the oven though , all your children may be born naked if you do .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

One liners Posted: 3/18/2009 11:33:16 AM
" Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is useful info if you need help carrying a potato chip across town. "

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Home made french fries Posted: 3/18/2009 11:09:18 AM
OMG !!! OMG !!! I am * incensed * over this . Or maybe I left something on the stove .... At any rate , until after July 4th , in protest I will boycott French toast , French dressing , Concorde flights , tying French knots , flicking Bics , Michelin tires , and trips to French Lick Indiana in Le Car with French tarts , unless there's oil involved .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

The Magician and his Parrot Posted: 3/15/2009 7:14:31 AM
A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a battle . While rummaging through the boat's provisions , the pirate comes across an old lamp . Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously . To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth . This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish , not the standard three . Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum ! " The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash , and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals . Simultaneously, the Genie vanished . Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered all this . The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke : "Now ye've done it !! Now we're goin' to have to pee in the boat ."

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Be Nice To Your Nurse Posted: 3/13/2009 4:46:39 PM
I worked (electronics tech) in a 500 bed hospital/Trauma Center 28 years I'd bet money both of 'em happened somewhere ...

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Be Nice To Your Nurse Posted: 3/13/2009 11:48:37 AM
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence: "Get well quick... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Favourite blond jokes Posted: 3/10/2009 8:07:30 AM
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation . They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for justice and release her. The last one , a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering from Auburn , and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody* if you don't plug this thing in .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

I never knew! Posted: 3/9/2009 6:32:56 PM
ACNESTIS: the part of your back you can't reach (some people are just sooooo busy at their jobs, why would you even give that a name?) To charge an insurance company $500 for a prescribed "Acnestis Stimulation Device " when you gave your patient a 99¢ backscratcher from Pier One .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

I WON'T eat this without??? Posted: 3/8/2009 6:02:15 PM
I dunno where they come from , but it's pretty small & had on a blue rhinestone collar .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

I WON'T eat this without??? Posted: 3/8/2009 7:43:19 AM
AKA: pommes frits! A lady down the street has one of those .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

I never knew! Posted: 3/7/2009 7:36:32 PM
The only way I would convey any of this information would be by myself or with someone .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 118 (view)

Comfort foods Posted: 3/5/2009 1:40:43 PM
I would add Baklava to my list , but it's more of a religious experience .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

HILLBILLY BIRTH Posted: 3/5/2009 8:51:45 AM
A pregnant cajun woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother Boudreaux came in and named them." The woman thinks : "Oh no, not my brother Boudreaux, he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," says the doctor. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks he doctor, "What's the boy's name?" " Denephew ........"

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 2074 (view)

My Joke Thread. Posted: 3/5/2009 8:45:26 AM
Billy Bob and Luther were talkin' one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther , "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation . Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different ! The last few years , I took your advice about where to go . Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii . I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant . Then two years ago , you told me to go to the Bahamas , and Earlene got pregnant again . Last year you suggested Tahiti and damn if Earlene didn't get pregnant again ." Luther asks Billy Bob, " So, what you gonna do this year that's different ? " " This year I'm takin' Earlene with me . .......... "

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Liquor filled chocolates? Posted: 3/4/2009 5:57:27 PM
Just buy 1 big bottle , and the second night just get drunk again & sniff the Hershey's wrapper .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 2072 (view)

My Joke Thread. Posted: 3/4/2009 3:38:40 PM
There are a ton of MENSA members here. S'cuse me , ma'am , but you left out a coupla P's and S's & at least one I .....

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 93 (view)

3 words you don't want to hear during sex Posted: 3/4/2009 9:01:18 AM
no bathtub . Pretend . like hot sauce ? allergic to fleas ? dandruff doesn't move ? brought my own need more tests Walgreen's was closed

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Favourite PoF profile lines Posted: 3/4/2009 8:59:18 AM
Gotta at least be in the top 10 - "Comfortable in my own skin " Somewhere there's a weightloss program exec/dermatologist/tanning salon/plastic surgeon going : " Buy more advertising , Blanch ...."

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

I WON'T eat this without??? Posted: 3/2/2009 4:15:12 PM
Dittos RD . no ketchup, no way . forgot soft pretzels

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Liquor filled chocolates? Posted: 3/2/2009 2:35:44 PM
if you get a recipe/method , try Tia Maria coffee liqueur .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 88 (view)

3 words you don't want to hear during sex Posted: 3/2/2009 12:58:29 PM
" my show's on " " the pizza's here " " home already kids ? " " something is burning " " feed the cat ? " " meatloaf ok tomorrow ? "

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Good idea Posted: 3/2/2009 11:36:56 AM
" Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly , and for the same reason . " Sacred cows make the best hamburger . - Mark Twain Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on . - Winston Churchill In theory there's no difference between theory and practice . In practice there is . - Yogi Berra If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around . - Will Rogers Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. - Fats Domino Watch the traffic, the light will never hit you . - Moms Mabley

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

My first turkey. Posted: 3/2/2009 8:07:50 AM
zekestone - before and after pics of my 'posed' turkey... That has tanning salon commercial written all over it .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

Favorite Food Movie Posted: 3/2/2009 7:59:59 AM
you should check out " Motel Hell " If you liked Hannibal and Soylent Green

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

I WON'T eat this without??? Posted: 3/2/2009 7:02:49 AM
A corn dog without mustard is a crime against nature .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

My first turkey. Posted: 3/1/2009 3:19:06 PM
side note if anybody wants to try it next time ... best "regular cooked " I've ever had (nothin' special/ in the oven) .... thaw/brine/whatever , dry off well and smear mayonnaise all over it instead of butter or oil .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 126 (view)

Foods That Make You Go EEEEEEK ! Posted: 3/1/2009 3:09:20 PM
Love scrapple . GB . mom's side of the family was from NY State . GubbleBum : And who thought, "Hey! We got a head! Let's make cheese!" And how 'bout allergies messin' things up for everybody else ? First apricot woulda killed me . Everybody else : " No eat !! Make swell up/no breathe !! " Game is an individual thing , like anything else . Duck , for instance ... personally I'd use a duck to bait a trap for somethin' I could wear , or fish/gator bait . Or trade it for a rabbit .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 121 (view)

Foods That Make You Go EEEEEEK ! Posted: 3/1/2009 10:06:41 AM
I've seen more than one reference in books that mountain men/trappers rated "lion" at or near the top . As to "wild" , nothing materialized on the planet already domesticated /shrinkwrapped with a pricetag on it . What I wonder about is what sort of soul was the first one to eat _____ ? (whatever) Reeealy hungry , or kinda slow upstairs ? And if their "programming" was off would the rest of the tribe try it anyhow ? Some folks just don't like some things . I know , for example , that there's nothing wrong with asparagus . But if I'd tasted it first , I wouldn't have wasted an inch of garden space on it forever more . And how many "starvin' Marvins" were the first & last to sample somethin' poisonous ? Or was the low man in the cave's "club" the equivalent of the King's food taster later on ? "Feed it to Grog .... watch & wait ...... "

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Looking For Awesome Chicken Wing Sauces Posted: 2/28/2009 4:53:50 PM
Add some hotsauce (I like Frank's) to half of CD's teriyaki mix ^^ and it's a "two-fer" mixture for a party crowd . Or cook 'em in the original mix & serve both versions as dips . 1/2 bluecheese 1/2 ranch is another good celery dunker . ranch is also awesome on onion rings .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

I cant cook. anyone have anything simple to recommend? Posted: 2/27/2009 6:11:11 PM
Boneless chicken breast (2 per person) between 2 pieces of gladwrap /pound flat (fairly thin) w/a bottle or skillet , season with lemon pepper/paprika 30 minutes ahead of time , "grill" in medium-hot skillet in about 3 tbsp olive oil about 3 minutes on a side . Right before "take-out" hit it with 2 tbsp soy sauce/1 tsp lemon juice Rice w/butter/salt/pepper , salad or steamed veggie , crusty bread .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 111 (view)

Have any great Mexican Recipes to Share any n all ? Posted: 2/27/2009 1:50:45 PM
Awesome , gal-pals !! 375 seems right , maybe less to me too , since these weren't actually "total crunch" , just far enuff beyond "leathery" to hold up . The smallest of the stainless mixing bowl set may be wantin' a marguerita to cool off .... " Crimps ? We don' need no steeenkin' crimps ! "

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 108 (view)

Have any great Mexican Recipes to Share any n all ? Posted: 2/27/2009 10:52:44 AM
CC . I think I have some aluminum roof flashing in the shop . More crimps than I remember but that may just may be a co.-co. difference . What's the method/baketime/temp ? Just press in the round one and have at it ? Or is it a one outside/one inside deal ?

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 106 (view)

Have any great Mexican Recipes to Share any n all ? Posted: 2/27/2009 10:04:29 AM
Moonie , I never said I got anything done those afternoons ...... I haven't ever actively looked for 'em , but haven't seen any "ready-crimps" at my normal stores . May hafta get out the tin snips and make a mold . Moldy is right up my alley .....

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 104 (view)

Have any great Mexican Recipes to Share any n all ? Posted: 2/27/2009 9:28:42 AM
RE : shells .. once a week or so the snackbar cafeteria at work had " taco salads " served in white corn taco "bowls" . Just a large ( probably 12" flat ) shell crimped up at the edges about 5 times ( think sorta like a Paul Revere hatbrim ) . The bowl side(s) = about 3-4" high , flat bottom about 4" across . Must've been dried , or baked in molds , since their stock of 'em was "nested" like coffee filters , and they weren't as crunchy as fried would be . Lettuce/tomato/grilled chicken strips/whatever else you wanted in an edible bowl ... By the time the salad was gone , the bowl was dee-lish too from the contents . Sopapilla chips (cinnamin/sugar) to go with and an ice tea and I was happy ....

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

What was your biggest food/meal disaster? Posted: 2/27/2009 7:10:41 AM
Besides the seemingly inevitable "wonder what that'd taste like" experiments that didn't "pan out" - Don't try deep-fried "funnel cakes" without a thermometer , and if you do , know how to turn off smoke detectors . If there's a demand for charcoal frisbees , this^ is the way to go . One year my mother made probably three gallons of strawberry preserves around April when they were in season . Put it all in waxed-over jars , stashed 'em in the pantry (little room actually underneath the front stairs /slanted ceiling ) . Around late June , went shopping a couple hours , came home , heard something , finally looked in the pantry .... Whole thing was drooling strawberry preserves ..... hot water heater worked overtime for 2 days .....

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

PSA: Poisoning by fish (no, not fugu) Posted: 2/26/2009 4:56:00 PM
Slow news day at MSNBC .... note that the link story is totally surrounded by peanut butter/salmonella items .... Key word is be aware , been around forever . Mainly Grouper , Snapper , Mackeral are the "consumables" . Barracuda taste great , but have long been "off the table" , they're the biggest toxin carriers by far if I recall . Less alarmist story/data here : http://www.whoi.edu/redtide/page.do?pid=14276 key is getting the docs to check for it if other tests show negatives . I worry a lot more about mercury , etc . , in freshwater fish . from the University of Miami : Lethality is usually seen with ingestion of the most toxic parts of fish (ie. the liver, viscera, roe and other organs). article : http://www.rsmas.miami.edu/groups/niehs/science/ciguatera.htm enjoy your seafood (seriously) .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 181 (view)

Why in the name of god do americans eat pastries for breakfast? Posted: 2/26/2009 10:38:57 AM
Why in the name of god do americans eat pastries for breakfast ? 1. So if we : a. fall climbing the tree to pick lunch we won't have to : b. go hungry as long while waiting in the E.R. 2. The smokehouse is being renovated . 3. The chicken made it across the road last night . 3. Not all pigs are friendly (see # 1b) . 4. Low on ammo (see #3) 5. Denny's & Cracker Barrel don't deliver . 6. Max return on our inve$tments at the pharmacy .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 100 (view)

Foods That Make You Go EEEEEEK ! Posted: 2/24/2009 8:49:23 AM
using it as one of those mace type thingamabobs Catapult 'em in ..... they'd vacate the castle , no battle needed ..... Barrage em with Baluts & Durian and call somebody to clean up the moat .....

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Best Kitchen Tricks Posted: 2/24/2009 8:39:23 AM
Ditto SA on cleanup ^ - wait time is washup time . Frying floured/breaded stuff I use an el-cheapo paper plate to put the breaded things on out of the flour bag . Food -> in the pan , shake the extra dust in the garbage , use it now for the greasy cooking utensil . Almost , if not as cheap as paper towels are . Rolling dough ? Tape a sheet of freezer paper to the counter , chuck it when done . Rolling tortillas or thin stuff ? Slit 2 sides of a gallon ziplock to make a" book" and roll em between the "pages" . Pies - especially frozen - "skirt" 'em with aluminum foil ... tear off three 3" (±) wide strips from the roll and cover the crimped edge (think aluminum bicycle tire) all around before it goes in the oven . No overbrowned edge . "Picture pie " . Dark /nonstick pans (loaf, etc) - put an aluminum/stainless (non-dark) sheet under 'em to shield it from the bottom element when it cycles on/off . Once I started doing this the muffins & poundcakes got perfect thru & thru , not overdone on the bottom . Biscuits -> aluminum pie pans .... no "crunchy" bottoms . Need a small quantity of melted butter ? Save an empty yogurt to nuke it in ( no lid ) . I've got a dedicated "buttermelter" . Lid on / in the frig for next time ... Right size for the "brush-on" brush also ... Cracker crumbs ? Put em in a gallon baggie and roll 'em . No rolling pin ? Empty wine bottle . If you don't have the first one I know you got the second one , ok ladies ? Guys .... beer bottle, pvc pipe scrap , shopvac nozzle , bowling ball , run over the bag with the truck ..... Marinate in "real" baggies . Snag 2-3 extra off the veggie bag roll at the produce section when you buy somethin' , and use them for breading "shaker" bags , or plastic grocery bags for that matter . Eeeewuh !!! Store germs !!! They ain't gonna live in 375° oil ..... Kitchens can't have enough clothespins . Save the twist ties for the garbage bags ..... Keep 2 "good" knives (sharp) . By that I mean 2 that stay that way , use the rest for "utility" . Wooden cutting boards - I keep 2 - one "dry" for bread , etc , the other gets rubbed down with mineral oil . It won't go rancid , has no taste , a pint is $2 or so . White plastic small one for onions/garlic . "Wet" veggies - paper plate on the oiled board . Oil lasts longer if after you cook in it , fry some potato in it . Absorbs the previous taste . Onion rings not so .....

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 97 (view)

Foods That Make You Go EEEEEEK ! Posted: 2/24/2009 8:33:56 AM
" It's an acquired taste " has always amazed me ..... I always wondered who was making the money from the acquisition rights .

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Red as Freckles Potatos Posted: 2/23/2009 3:16:29 PM
Red spuds are good that way too , SA , I'd forgotten about that method ... Do 'em with the chicken like that in a separate pan & call it Roadrunner & Wheels

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 66 (view)

Unbelievably tasty chicken soup Posted: 2/23/2009 1:22:15 PM
Now we know why the chicken DIDN' T cross the road .... Good thing she ain't in Denver , SA ..

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 102 (view)

HELP! I need an easy Appetizer! Posted: 2/23/2009 9:28:46 AM
mmmmm..... appetizers .....

blues49

Joined: 11/30/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

ME 'N' CAT... PART NINE... Posted: 2/23/2009 6:19:45 AM
didn't want to break the flow of the tale. dittos

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