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Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Part 2 Posted: 11/24/2009 4:56:41 AM
I have read and re-read the opening post and the OP's subsequent posts. Now, we're on to Part 2............... What a web we weave.......First of all, both people, have made prior financial commitments and have responsibilities to their respective children and parents. Period. Those need to continue to be honoured by each of them, regardless of their individual levels of income. To me, it's the balance of available funds that come into play here. This is what the couple will have available to them, in order to live together. Once the couple have determined this amount, they can then make plans to support their "couple lifestyle", regardless of which house they live in.....regardless of geography. To me, the bigger issue appears to be that....... one or all of the children....... is going to feel dis-favoured? What's that about? If a child feels that they're going to do without something because their parent wants to be in a relationship, then that child (or children) need an "attitude adjustment". Perhaps reminded, that there's no such thing as a "free ride" in this world. Children who feel they have a sense of entitlement can wreak havoc on a relationship. When a child calls the shots..e.g. doesn't want to reside with "the strange" kids, is unwilling to compromise, then that child is being unreasonable. I'd certainly put my foot down, where this issue is concerned. I'm basically old-school and believe if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. Perhaps, the child/children need to be reminded that life does not "totally" revolve around them and that parents are entitled to "have a life" too. This couple needs to show a united front, in regards to this issue. In regards to the legal issues and if they want assets protected, then a co-habitation agreement or pre-nup ( in the case of marriage) is a requirement. But, based on what I've read in the OP's posts and from what I can discern, dealing with finances seem to be the least of this couple's issues. The personal dynamics, in regards to the financial and personal expectations of their children, is what needs to be addressed, first and foremost.....The couple need to talk this "one" out. Then a "family meeting" called informing the children about "how it's going to be", would then, be in order.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group? Posted: 11/22/2009 4:43:48 PM
If you love yourself, and self-esteem is in place overuse of nice words, hugging etc. isn't needed. OH MY GOODNESS............(scratchin' my head) What has self-esteem got to do with showing and receiving affection? Showing and receiving affection has NOTHING to do with my self-esteem. I never want to have THAT opinion. I never want to be in a place where my self-esteem is so perfect that I can't be humble enough to let others offer me affection. Nor, do I want to be in a place where I'm just so dang esteemed that I deny my humaness or need to show affection, regardless of who they are. Giving and receiving affection in my opinion only happens with very special people in our lives. If affection is squandered on everyone we meet, it is meaningless. Well, in my opinion, affection is not something you measure or is only given to someone or "people" who are deemed appropriate, to receive it. Maybe if people started "squandering" a little more affection, a lot of senseless acts against humanity would lessen.I've never placed myself above anyone to the point where I couldn't or wouldn't offer a arm around their shoulder or a full bear hug. It might be just what that "stranger" needs, that day. I guess, different stokes for different folks.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group? Posted: 11/22/2009 3:49:08 PM
Sex to me is incidental to affection. It is something I savour. It is the expression of love. The very thought of being with a partner that is not affectionate is abhorrent. If I am with someone, I am hers, she is mine and the day is an exchange of little favours, the warmth of a smile, the gentle touch of the hand, the pressure of her body against mine............. Mr. RG.........you had me at Hello.......... ................. Receiving affection, but especially demonstrating affection, the little things, the touches, the glances etc. are what I miss the most because I'm single. Lack of affection, is what another poster, in another thread, called "skin hunger". Because my current circumstances lack affection, I admit it.........I'm needy. I won't and don't sit here in denial. I'm inherently an affectionate, huggy kinda gal......Now, I'm not indiscriminate with my affection. Which means I'm choosy about who I show affection with. Notice I didn't say "show affection to". Basically, because I believe that affection is a two-way street.....like most things. OP: As far as I'm concerned, if a man has said he has no need for affection or has no need to show affection, then he's got walls up. I'm too old and too tired to have to work at penetrating "his walls". To me, he would seem to be just too "NOT READY" for an affectionate relationship. I'm more inclined to want to be with someone who has "their act together"......like Mr. RG. Unfortunately, some fellas just live too far away................story of my life........... Edit: HOT, THROW-DOWN SEX with the right man accompanied with affection is good too!!!........LOL

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 77 (view)

The person you are interested in is already retired ... you are not. Posted: 11/21/2009 7:11:04 AM
I find that retired men expect you to be free to come and go. And, so they should. As a retired woman, I want a man who is free to come and go, too. So, I don't think it's "just men" who are seeking this kind of situation. Afterall, some people who are now retired from "the daily grind", may want to exercise their freedom to go places and do things. And, are looking for someone compatible to " come and go" with. This is what would be best for me.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

People, why against the rocking chair on the porch? Posted: 11/20/2009 4:52:18 AM
Funny you should post this topic Ms. Breath. I haven't had time to post on the forums lately. Why? My schedule has been too hectic!! I've undertaken a huge back-breaking project. Each night this week, after 10-12 hour days of physical labor, I've come home and just ~PLOPPED~. Too tired to even post. I'll be so glad when the project is complete, so I can sit down and relax more. Now, I have nothing against your "rocking chair" idea.And, there's nothing wrong with sitting and rocking, in my opinion. But, I prefer a "hammock for two" on a beach, overlooking an azure blue sea. It's amazing what can transpire in a hammock between two people....... Of course, I'm only going by memory....... I tend to avoid guys who climb or ski mountains, dive the depths of oceans, or participate in "extreme sports" every weekend. Why? Because they expect me to participate. And if I don't, they discount me as potential dating or relationship material. I've been told this to my face. I frankly admit, that I wonder why they seem to be unable to "just chill"......enjoying the sights and sounds of nature, once in awhile? "Chillin'" is my new favorite pastime, when I'm not trekking the world......

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 201 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/8/2009 4:58:11 PM
Thank God at our age we can do what we want Thumbs up! Even though, there seem to be some peeps who are concerned with this issue..........there's something to be said for "not giving a damn" when you get to be a certain age. My age in particular. I have regular "stuff done" because I wear a bathing suit 6 months of the year. And, it makes me feel better. Unbelievable!!!!!!!!?????????........having a bikini wax is probably another dealbreaker There's got to be more important things in life. Or, people are just looking for any excuse. First dealbreaker.........I smoke..............second dealbreaker, I wax..............What next?

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 138 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/6/2009 5:49:14 AM
is this just a thing for the younger crowd....or is it something that is also " the norm" in our age group? In our age group? I've been into maintenance every 2 months or 5,000 miles, whichever comes first. I've been doing this for 35+ years. ....coulda paid for laser zapping, by now! Of course, if I get much older, it'll all fall out anyway. "THEY", the proverbial "they", say we all revert back to looking like a baby........ In the meantime........I hire a professional.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

how to slow the pace to make it real Posted: 11/5/2009 7:52:06 PM
I get to choose my dress too! Something in black, showing a little here and a little there..........with a little bling and my CFM shoes................... Nevah too old to partay!!! OT: Ms. S.......whatcha goin' to wear? Perhaps, and after considerable consideration on your part, you might consider opening your heart and wearing it on your sleeve? ...trust me .....it's not fatal.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

how to slow the pace to make it real Posted: 11/5/2009 6:27:37 PM
The habit of scrutinizing someone in order to lay on an assumption about them Scrutinizing............luv that word!!!!!!..........what a wonderful word to describe what we do to sabotage "ourselves". I agree handsoflove................. Sometimes, we're so damn busy weighing the other person's measure, we miss the true measure of them. Serenity.....................there's approximately 10 inches between your head and your heart. If you like this man, think there's possibility, ...................c'mon girl.............look down.........it's only 10 inches and a giant leap of faith.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

how to slow the pace to make it real Posted: 11/5/2009 3:36:29 AM
There is no doubt in my mind why this man is making her nervous and it is for this reason. .......... OR............it could be because she knows, deep down, he's the one!! When this happens to a woman, it scares the b-jeezes outta her. She can do one of two things............stay or run Her life.........her choice.......I just gave her suggestions ( in a previous message ) how to "give herself time" to adjust to how she's feeling, without discouraging the guy. She's already stated he's not controlling. Let's not make something up that isn't there. Not ALL guys are into control...........that's a pretty sad label to pin on them, because they see what they want and they're going for it. I sure would prefer a man who's showing interest towards me rather than a man showing indifference. Knowing Serenity to be a pretty savvy lady...........I'd say that "being controlled by a man", wouldn't be an issue for her.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

how to slow the pace to make it real Posted: 11/5/2009 3:11:24 AM
How does a man, who is expressing his feelings and desire for a future, with a woman, equate to control? I'm puzzled?????? Where's that "scratchin' my head" emoticon?.........when you need it? VVVVV....Cat..........they've been communicating for a month!!!!..........She likes him........!!!!

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

how to slow the pace to make it real Posted: 11/5/2009 2:38:43 AM
happen to anyone? anyone successful in taming the pace so that it eventually did work out for the two of you? Yes, it happened to me. When I first met my husband, within the first month, he was "making plans" , as you say. And, I felt slightly "unnerved". And, I wanted to take it slow. So, what I did was let him talk........let him make his plans........When he asked me a "direct question" about US, I'd say "we'll see"....... or....... "maybe".......... or...." it sounds great, but not now". I never gave him a direct answer until I was ready. This gave me time to adjust and get in touch with my own feelings. And, what it gave him was HOPE for a future with me and he kept coming back. You see, I think a man needs to see a woman "fitting into his life". So, when he thinks he's found "the woman" , when he's serious, he wants you to know it. He wants to get started as quickly as possible. He wants to announce it to the roof-tops....... to you, the neighbors, friends, family and co-workers. A man, who isn't making plans about you.............isn't serious. any suggestions how to turn it down a notch Instead of feeling annoyed, uncomfortable with mushy romantic stuff , putting up boundaries etc.......why don't you let down your guard and enjoy it? In other words, instead of turning it down a notch, why don't you kick it up one? Accept his romantic gestures and show a little more of your sweet side. What are you afraid of? Put your big toe in the water and go with the flow. ......... hmmmmmm.................A man making plans............you lucky girl!!!

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 251 (view)

Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons Posted: 11/4/2009 3:26:04 PM
Well, this thread has certainly made for interesting reading. And, I thank ALL contributors. I've received answers not anticipated. ...... Because of some posts, I've checked my "Trained Seal" manual. Nowhere can I find any reference that being a "cheap thrill" for a man will advance my chances in the "trained seal" pool. In my opinion, "using" another human being for a no strings attached liason, in order to get off, has NO integrity. Unless BOTH parties are aware and AGREE. In my estimation, anyone who is devious, less than honest, pretending to be interested in someone but instead lusting, merely to "use" another for their personal gratification, is a low-life" con. I suspect that it's happening more often than not......by both genders. When one of the two believes that they are working towards a relationship and the other isn't, is obviously where the problems arise.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 173 (view)

Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons Posted: 11/3/2009 3:04:42 AM
From my own observations, it seems that men and women are "world's apart" on their views. ^^^^^^^This is a quote from my original OP: Back in the Spring 2008, actually 18 months ago, when I initially posted the OP, there was a lot of discussion going on, in "then" current forums, regarding "attitudes" about women/men and their sexual behaviour. And, because of a personal experience, I was looking for answers. I suspect, after reading these threads, talking to other people, etc. that a lot of women who WERE free thinking about enjoying sex, got a lot LESS free after running into a few hit and run guys, or guys who right out and SAID " you aren't relationship material, you gave it up too easy". ^^^^^^Ladyc4 stated my thoughts quite succinctly in the above quote from msg. 135..... After being widowed for 6 yrs. and in the fall of 2007, I decided to date again. I had been communicating with a fella for 10 months. After finally meeting him, you guessed it.........he became a "hit and run" guy who saw me as "too easy". Damned if ya' do..........damned if ya' don't. Needless to say, I'm NOT free thinking now. Basically because, I no longer feel like being treated like a "piece of merchandise". He cured me or ruined me............take your pick. .........haven't had a date since.......... What I'd LIKE to see become the "norm", is that mature men and women RESPECTED each other's decisions and standards about sex, when to have it and who to have it with, without using words like "laughable", "silly" "prudish", or labeling someone as a "horndog" or a slut because they were more focused on sexual pleasure, or had less exacting 'standards'. ^^^^^You can say that again!!!........ Ladyc4...I always enjoy your candidness

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

How to get confidence to do that 1st date thing Posted: 10/28/2009 6:37:24 PM
AWWW......Fear .........'tis a wonderful thing, isn't it?....How old are you? Oh yeah.....53..............that's a tough age to be on your own and being out there in "datingland".. I was widowed at 51. Oh, I remember it well........my first date............Scaaaarrrrry!.....(where's that scary emoticon?) OP: All I can say is ......."this too shall pass". You might consider backing off dating for now, get your head screwed on right and GET THE DIVORCE first. It'll be a weight lifted from your shoulders. Then, when you're in a "good place", your fears will be non=existent. I'm a stranger giving another stranger advice................But. suffice it to say.....once divorced you'll be in a better place. Know what I mean?

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 183 (view)

What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship. Posted: 10/28/2009 4:52:16 PM
Enjoy what you can, while you can because if there is no tomorrow, then you may have missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Yes Tink.....this reminds me of the song " The Dance" by Garth Brooks. One line of lyric that always hits home for me is............... I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance There are no guarantees in life. I drove my dhusband to work one morning and he never came home. He was only 45. For both of us, this was our second marriage and the 12 yrs. we shared together were the happiest either of us had ever had. I know this!.......He's been gone for almost 9......and it seems like an eternity ago. But, I'm willing to love again. Fear of the unknown is not going to hold me back. Even though, at 61, another partner and I may face having to bury the other one. I'm willing to take that chance. And, not let fear of losing another love control my happiness. Afterall, if I don't risk loving another man again...........I'll have missed The Dance.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 82 (view)

What ever happened to Love Posted: 10/28/2009 8:35:39 AM
people have become so self-centered in general. I think there is a tendency to see this kind of attitude on dating sites and especially in the forums. But, honestly I don't run into this in the "real world". I think people who are looking for love are out there, alive and well. But, I must say cupid hasn't picked me yet. So, every once in a while I wonder if I too, have had the one great love of my life already? I don't spend too much time dwelling on it, though. I basically live out my days and my "short term" plans and let the rest of the world go by.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 165 (view)

What you bring to the table Posted: 10/28/2009 5:47:22 AM
Dead people can't be forced to pay their debts, after all.... Oh yes they can!!!! Or, at least their heirs or their spouses/partners can be made to. As a widow and after losing both parents, I know from where I speak. I wouldn't want there to be insufficient funds, in order for my debts to be paid, because I spent like there's no tomorrow. I wouldn't do that to someone I loved. Of course, that's just me.........if others want to blow the bank and leave their loved ones or the "city coffers" to pay for their funeral or other debts..........have at it.......

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 163 (view)

What you bring to the table Posted: 10/28/2009 5:28:50 AM
At the ages of 45 and older, what do we expect to bring to the table financially? Do you need them to believe the same as you? When I meet a man that I want to share a life-long relationship with, I'm determined to be committed to a life of "financial intimacy" and fiscal responsibility. I'm looking for a man who agrees that it takes two people working together, with mutual understanding and respect of each others individual financial personalities. We would both need to be financially in sync. Let me clarify.....it's not about having matching bank balances. It's about having similar views, about money, in general. How to save it and how to spend it. That being said, I realize that NO two people are 100% compatible in their views "about spending or saving money". But, I think it's important that there's some sort of common ground. I don't care how much in love I am. I don't care how much people say it doesn't matter. If I'm a financial catch and my partner is a financial wreck.............it does matter. A lot. If he's a good time Charlie, gambling the farm, spending like there's no tomorrow and up to his hee-haw in debt, we wouldn't be a match. On the other hand, I wouldn't like a partner who's stingy either. Ya' know, someone who has the first buck he earned. A man who's tight with money........picturing moths flying out of his wallet here..........a man who's a cheapskate.........not generous with service people and the less fortunate.........he wouldn't be the man for me either. It's all about balance. For me, my partner and I would need to be working together towards having our azzes covered for a rainy day, having the bills paid and then "enjoying" any discretionary money.Woohoo!!!! Disagreements over money, a failure to have a financial game plan, is "one" of the biggest factors in busted relationships. And, I'm not willing, at this stage in the game, to partner in an incompatible relationship, only for it to go bust.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

what is with the phone number Posted: 10/26/2009 3:59:20 AM
During my on line dating experience, I've only experienced moving to the "phone call stage" twice. As for the rest of the men, there was no need to hear their voices. For the most part, I quite quickly "got their "number", via emailing. If you know what I mean. There seems to be a lot of............."For a Good Time....Call"..........goin' on.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

Location, location Posted: 10/24/2009 6:05:45 AM
hmmmm? I thought medical studies have cited that men who imbibe in " a few" margaritas or any other alcohol-based drink, for the matter, can have stiffening problems? Resolve or not. Of course, location could be a factor in a man's response.........sun, surf , half-naked bodies and all that......can contribute to what goes on in his head.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

Location, location Posted: 10/24/2009 2:27:59 AM
I'm contemplating downsizing and moving to a condo, so I can spend six months of the year here when the weather is nice, and six months of the year south, in a warmer climate. Like you, Ms. Sapph ...I wouldn't do this to meet more men. I'd be re-locating for the Vitamin D in sunshine and the occasional margarita.... At my age, "wobbly pops" are more enjoyable, than a man with "wobbly bits" ....if ya' know what I mean.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 70 (view)

This is High School all over again Posted: 10/21/2009 8:23:37 PM
because everyone knows that widows are used to getting it regularly and miss it and are easy marks. Added bonus they don't complain about the ex. Isn't that the truth!!! I've been "hit on" numerous times because they thought I was a needy widow, that needed to be serviced When I was in high school it was a simpler time............for sure.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 67 (view)

This is High School all over again Posted: 10/21/2009 7:47:03 PM
He earned a few points. Good for you Mae! I hope he's a keeper! Actually, I was pretty naive in high school. I didn't have all the torrid affairs that others talk about. Actually, I got marrried right out of high school. And, I was a virgin........I know, I know.........unbelievable. Even now, sometimes I feel left out of the loop.........

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Men over 45 who dye their hair Posted: 10/21/2009 7:19:12 PM
OP: I don't have problem with men dying their hair. I don't have a problem with men who are bald. I don't have a problem with men who have hairy legs and chests. YUM. But, I do have a problem with men who have dirty, yellow teeth, smell of body odour, have dirty fingernails and have a bad attitude. The bad attitude is the biggie. The rest can be rectified.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Location, location Posted: 10/20/2009 6:24:01 AM
Well now, Ms. Phoebe, if memory serves me well, London has a local Para-Diving club. I think your memory is slipping Mr. RG.....there's no such thing as para-diving? There's an Ontario sky- diving club and an Ontario para-sailing club, both of which are headquartered in Toronto. And, I'm not willing to change my location and move to T.O., in order to increase my chances. The closest thing to any kind of "diving club" in London is a scuba-diving club. Now, there's a thought............I may have to change my mind on the idea of a "man fallin' outta the sky". Instead, I may have to wait for him "to come up for air"...........

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Location, location Posted: 10/20/2009 4:16:14 AM
oh oh.......I may have to consider my options. You betcha......we all have options. I moved to the city I'm living in for two reasons.......... 1...........it's my hometown....... and......... 2. .........there are numerous social opportunities & activities available. I DID NOT move to find a man. I DID NOT move because I thought the "grass would be greener". I moved to make myself happier. And, I am. If a quality man falls outta the sky and into my lap, that will be a bonus. OP: It's a matter of weighing all the pros and cons and making the decision that's best for you. But, I wouldn't change a thing if the only reason is, to find a man or to be in a larger dating pool. " The idea of this mystery man" would have to be pretty enticing to change my entire life, in order to find him.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Location, location Posted: 10/20/2009 12:13:22 AM
I identify with what you are saying--lived in small town ontario for a while where it was very closed...if I'd had a good job there and other reasons to stay...it might have been hard to leave. I can certainly relate. I just moved from a small Ontario town, where you had to put 10 men together in a room to get a full set of teeth....... It was a social wasteland. Because I am retired, I didn't even have the social interaction of the workplace. My only saving grace, during those 3 yrs. was being able to travel during the winter months to a warmer climate and to the "land of the living". I can certainly understand how people, who live in small towns or isolated areas, have a tougher time meeting someone compatible. Being a believer in destiny, fate or whatever you want to call it.......I believe if I'm meant to meet someone, it won't matter where I am on the planet. If it's meant to happen.....it'll happen. Of course, sometimes we have to help fate along.........by being in a place, where more eligible people are and where chances of fulfilling destiny are greater........ In a way, dating is somewhat like buying real estate. Finding an ideal relationship is like finding the ideal house. It's all about location, location, location.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Are Your Filters Set Too High? Posted: 10/19/2009 11:07:06 AM
Everyone has their reasons for having filters on their profiles and I have MINE. And, they're pretty self-explanatory. I make no apologies to anyone. Dating is a crapshoot.... Do you think if I go on enough "blind dates" via on-line dating..... I'll be eligible for a "free dog"?...........

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Lovers with benefits. Posted: 10/18/2009 7:40:53 AM
There's a BIG difference between "friends with benefits" and a "lover with benefits". Lovers with benefits are NOT a secret. Their relationship is out in the open. Lovers are interested and actively engaged in each others lives. And, they say to the world........."we're a couple" and were not afraid or ashamed, to let the world know it. The benefits of having a partner in life? In no particular order.......... Knowing that you're cherished. Knowing someone has your back. Knowing you have a soft place to fall. Knowing that you're understood and encouraged to be "your best self". Knowing that you're accepted, just the way you are. Knowing that someone loves you enough to tell you to "shape up and fly right". Knowing you belong to someone. Knowing you have someone to "check-in" with regularly. Knowing you have someone to "pillow talk" with. Knowing that your love is about wanting "the other person" to be happy. Knowing that you need the other person, not from a needy or immature place, but because you love them.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler Posted: 10/17/2009 5:41:05 PM
I think that Diva stands for a confident, competent woman who is independent I just got a new luggage tag. It's hot pink and in BIG black letters it says............." TAKE MY LUGGAGE DRESS LIKE A DIVA"..........Yep it was a gift...............Oooopers wrong thread peeplers....I should be over in the "what's wrong with women who travel".

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

The World Revolves Around Me and Don't You Ever Think It Doesn't Peopler Posted: 10/17/2009 5:02:58 PM
Ya'll, over the last months, there have been a number of threads that revealed some very self-centered attitudes. Very childish behavior for the over 45 crowd. Ms. amethyst...............some people are so hell- bent on sounding confident, that when they post and others offer a differing opinion, they don't want to share the spotlight. They keep bringing the topic of conversation back to themselves. They luv the attention. Needy people........very, very, VERY needy "peoplers"........ The obvious solution seems to be to ignore these "know-it- all" types. You know.........the ones who think they're smart........but their behavior is kinda dumb. What is acceptable as far as putting ourselves first and what is over the top? Believe me, you don't want to know what's inside my head. It's way too busy in there! But, suffice it to say.....name-calling is involved...............and, I've learned to choose my battles........

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 87 (view)

Of Fakes and Flakes... Posted: 10/16/2009 3:42:11 AM
First, it seems when men see " a few extra pounds", it means (to the them) that that person must be really overweight....go figure, Yes, and an overt example of a fake or flake (or both) is 4 doors over discussing this in "truth in advertising".

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Shelf Life on profiles Posted: 10/15/2009 8:48:21 AM
I do enjoy the education I get in the forums though. I have the same opinion Ms. browneyesboo. Even though my expectations to meet someone on-line are low......I don't consider myself or my profile to have a shelf life. There's the odd person who has said....." when a person is enrolled on a dating site longer than........whatever??? (Fill in the Blank).........that they must be deficient, somehow". I've learned not to listen to their judgements. About the only thing I give a shelf life to now................ are men who want to email for weeks and weeks without evah planning to meet me. They now have shorter expiration dates..............

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

perplexed Posted: 10/12/2009 7:32:12 AM
What is amazing is that both his bio daughters are now in their 30's and there has been no contact for the ensuing 20 or so years. His daughters are in their 30's and there has been an estrangement for 20 + years. They are his children from his first marriage that ended in divorce. It's presumed that they resided with their Mother. I'd bet my bottom dollar, that his first wife INFLUENCED the minds of her daughters against their father, starting at an early age. And, might have discouraged them from seeing him. Especially since there has been an estrangement since they were 10 yrs. old. He says he's tried, but they want nothing to do with him. Estrangement from one's child is one of the hardest things to happen to a parent. Cut the guy some slack. He likely has tried. When I expressed shock and horror, he shrugged and said that this is more common than I think. First of all, adult children who are estranged from their parents is a more widespread phenomena than one would think. We're not aware of it, mostly because people don't talk about it to friends, who would never understand the heartbreak. You, yourself admitted that you expressed "shock and horror". Rather than understanding and compassion. I would suggest getting yourself educated and enlightened, if you're truly interested in being empathetic to his situation. I suggest reading........When a Parent Hurts.........Author Dr. Joshua Coleman (Psychologist) and any other books related to the subject. """I wouldn't tell him you're doing this either!!!!!""".......because you're not doing it for him. You're doing it to make yourself a more understanding person towards him and others. I'm going to try to ease more of this story out of him, without being the Spanish Inquisition. Stop It's none of your business. All you will do, by prying, is make him feel badly about something that he has NO control over. Get reading..............As others have said.........You're behavior is a "red flag". Not his.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

pre-nups Posted: 10/10/2009 7:59:23 AM
Nothing romantic about that document in any way...... See? Now you wonder why people in Ontario would be scared chit-less............ Being widowed, I did not contend with an ex-husband.....re: division of assets. BUT, I did have to contend with his "greedy" ex- wife. That's another can of worms. In Ontario, a surviving widow/widower is responsible to uphold a divorce agreement and for continued child support for children from their spouse's prior marriage. In my case, my deceased husband's ex-wife sued me, two days after his burial. Even though, they had a financial settlement when they divorced. Consequently my bank accounts were frozen, I was not allowed to sell property and she tied me up in the courts for two years after his death, until I could prove what I had brought to the marriage, in terms of assets. Unfortunately, we had NO pre-nup and when all was said and done, my legal fees were in excess of $ 9,000.00 to prove the prior assets, I had brought to the marriage. So, be warned.....exes and other relatives can sue anyone, even surviving spouses. In addition, in Ontario, anyone who marries another who is still supporting "minor" children, will be held responsible to uphold and continue financial child support, as a surviving spouse. Even though the children are not their own biologically. And regardless of diminished income, as a result of their spouse's death or the dissolution of the relationship. So, in my case, once bitten, twice shy........to say the least. Yes, the Ontario bureaucrats have taken the romance right outta things!!!!

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

pre-nups Posted: 10/9/2009 8:43:08 AM
To me they display a level of untrust to my partner. I wouldn't get one.. Well, you're only 39 yrs. old and have potentially several years of earning power ahead of you. And since you're a fellow Ontarian, you must realize that if people merely "co-habit" together, without a "co-habitation agreement", the other person is entitled to 50 % of the other person's assets. I'm not sure how long the period of co-habitation must be, for this to apply? Anyone out there know the answer to this question? If people marry, without a "pre-nuptial agreement", the other is entitled to half of the other's accumulated assets prior to the marriage, as well. As a 61 yr. old, retired lady, I have no intention of putting myself in a compromising financial position. Why would I? It would be foolish on my part, and on his part, not to have a pre-nup or co-habitation agreement in place. It has nothing to do with trust or mistrust........it has to do with covering your own ass, especially when a person IS a certain age. I don't intend to live out my golden years under some bridge and out of a grocery cart because I'm being dictated to, by the "Ontario Family Law Act". Nameless bureaucrats who established " the law", will not determine my lifestyle. Nor will the courts. Nor will a man get half of what he didn't earn. Not if I can help it. Nor, do I want half of what he's accumulated or earned. Fair is fair. Any man, in my age group, who doesn't understand my position, is not the man for me. I'd rather stay alone with at least, a roof over my head and food in my fridge, rather than jeopardize my financial position, at this stage of the game. As I said earlier, it would be a foolish decision, on my part, not to have a pre-nup.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

pre-nups Posted: 10/9/2009 5:30:46 AM
Most of us own property or have investments that would be extremely difficult to replace on your own. A fool and his money are soon parted.........comes to mind. You dang tootin', I'd have a pre-nup. My Mama never raised no fool..............

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Of Fakes and Flakes... Posted: 10/9/2009 5:13:39 AM
I'm just wondering what others are experiencing. Are my expectations too high? In a nutshell.....YES! You're discouraged after 3+ months? Try 3+ years. I haven't had a "date" with anyone, I've met online, in 2 yrs. And only "one coffee meet", during the past two years. You're not alone. I've experienced fakes and flakes myself. I seldom receive mail. And, when I do they're from men who live miles away or on other continents. And generally speaking, after awhile, they ride off into the sunset. I seldom receive a contact from someone local. Online dating is hard and not for the weak of heart. This is a true statement........I've been tenacious with online dating, if nothing else. And, being here this long certainly indicates I'm not a quitter. On the other hand, maybe I'm just "plain stooopid" to waste my time like this. Of course, I've come and gone a few times because I've been discouraged, during the course of the past 3 yrs. But, I mostly come back for the forums because I've learned invaluable lessons, reading others' posts. Personally Ms. mellowellow......I've learned to NOT put all my eggs in one basket. Divide your search into different realms. Do a little on line....but for the most part.......get out there in the "real world". See and be seen in the flesh, so to speak. Now, don't get me wrong......I'm not saying that online dating is a total bust......'cause my match may be here........I'm just saying it's not the "only way". Keep your options open and try not to take it too seriously.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 737 (view)

Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married? Posted: 10/8/2009 6:55:29 AM
My apologies Mr. RG.........clearly I missed it's context re: "such a woman". In the future, I'll respond to posts, after having my second cuppa java. I missed the ball, for sure. Of course, my apology was not complete enough to post the first time. Hence, the need for this additional diatribe. Again...........mea culpa.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 735 (view)

Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married? Posted: 10/8/2009 6:09:29 AM
And why would such a woman have any interest in having a relationship with a man? Sex? Well, "making love" would probably be one reason.........for as long as "it" might last. The inability, on the part of a man in his late 50's and 60's and older, to physically, sexually perform, could and potentially does, become an issue in a relationship. In answer to your question.........why would a woman have any interest in having a relationship? The answers are as varied as the individuality of women. Why would a man have any interest in having a relationship with a woman? Sex? See how shallow this question sounds? Going to pour myself another cuppa java.............scratchin' my head??

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

False I.D. to Proove We're Younger?? Posted: 10/7/2009 1:15:39 PM
Thrust of the post was the potential market for false ID makers........ Which part? The part about ...... for us older folks who wanna "proove" we're younger That part? ???? Or, was the thrust of your post really about???? I'm 65 and often get told I only look 40 or 50 something but ladies I'm attracted to in their 40s won't date me because I'm "too old" Men, who are 65, who want to date 40 yr. old women, conceivably the potential age of their own daughters or nieces, are old and perverted lechers, in my book. and for sure tongue in cheek about the possibilities for me Nice try............ Of course I've responded in a very tongue in cheek way........

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 720 (view)

Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married? Posted: 10/7/2009 6:26:51 AM
A guy has to commit himself to all the obligations What obligations are you talking about?........'plain please. but should not expect any of the benefits? I presume you're referring to the "benefits of marriage"........but I may be wrong.........I've been known to be........ Could you expand on what you mean by "benefits"? Signed, An over 60 woman who's NOT desperate to get married.......

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 154 (view)

WOULD YOU DATE AN ALIEN? Posted: 10/6/2009 12:36:19 PM
We are all lookin' for love and there's very little logic to it......I think Well, there are logical aliens and then there's the illogical ones. If the chemistry is there, then the love will cross all boundries. Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you? Like others, my ancestors immigrated from France and Scotland. That makes me hot and tight..........ooops wrong thread....... errrr.......that makes me a "naturalized Canadian"..........born here. Nothing alien about me, if you don't count the evenings I go out to search for a neck to bite.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

WOULD YOU DATE AN ALIEN? Posted: 10/2/2009 6:05:37 AM
I've met 3 aliens..........non-Canadian citizens. I'm not interested in meeting any more. Why you ask? Even though, I live within 50 miles of the U.S. border, they've had a problem with me, being Canadian. So, I'm sticking to the home-grown variety from here on in.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Downsizing and Dating? Posted: 9/25/2009 7:48:56 AM
but money won't buy what a lot of wealthy people lack.... and that is....... humility and compassion for their fellow man. I'm disappointed that people think that because one is comfortable or even well-off, that it automatically means they lack virtues of humility, compassion and GD knows what else. Define wealthy? Personally, I live a pretty comfortable upper middle-class life-style. But, there were times in my life when I didn't have two nickels to rub together. So, the ability to relate is there. I would hope that the "hard times" and lessons I've learned, would include that I have humility, compassion, sensitivity and understanding towards my fellow man. And, I wouldn't be judged based on the fact that I now live comfortably and what some might consider to be well-off. I've met rude idiots from ALL* social and economic status. Basically, there are judgemental people and snobs in every socio-economic class. There are those with less economically.......who say condescending things to those who have more than they do. When this happens to me.....I find myself scrambling to apologize for living comfortably now???.....and I kick myself in the ass, when I catch myself doing this. Why should I have to defend how I live or what I've accumulated, through hard work and wise decisions, to someone who is still working towards their own goals? Why should I have to defend whether I am a humble and compassionate human being because I don't live in a cardboard box or paycheque to paycheque? Aren't these people acting snobbish towards someone who has more than they do? On the other hand, there are those that have MORE than I......and I have no desire to date or befriend someone who RUBS MY NOSE in their BANK ACCOUNT, either. They are being equally snobbish, in my opinion. Whether to date someone, who is down-sized, is a personal choice. Whether to be friends with someone, who has less financially, is everyone's personal choice. I'm not looking to be friends with people based on economics or bank balances. But rather, I look for friendships with people based on compatibility. Personally, when it comes to a dating relationship, I prefer to date men, who are somewhat my financial equal. If a man has more "wealth" than I, I'd probably feel like I can't contribute adequately to the relationship. If I were to date a man of lesser financial means, I wouldn't want to feel like I'm supporting him. Or, not be able to do the things with him, that I can afford to do. So, I think financial equality is important . Balance is key.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Does your paranoia outweigh your want/need for a relationship? Posted: 9/24/2009 7:01:45 PM
Does your paranoia outweigh your want/need for a relationship? NO..... Paranoia is a pretty HEAVY word to use for feeling cautious. Nothing wrong with feelin' unsure OP. But, let's use the word paranoia in the proper context. Paranoia is a mental illness.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

New Social Trend Posted: 9/24/2009 6:09:29 PM
read the OP'S profile....interesting..... I guess I missed it. The profile is GONE!!!.......................... Aside from that .................social trends are a farce. I don't believe in them nor follow them. That'll be the day that I kow-tow to society's norms or trends. I've arrived and I've no time nor patience for men who don't like it!.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

When you walk let your heart lead the way Posted: 9/24/2009 5:44:03 PM
Geeze, I could reason myself out of being with anyone I've met a couple of fellas like that!.........they just walked away because of umpteen reasons.......I suspect they were thinking with their heads..........Most men do.......... Moi, on the other hand, lead with my heart and when I love, I love very deeply. Don't get me wrong. I don't fall easily. But and there's that BUT............if a man seems to be genuine, I'll let my heart rule. I've only been fooled once. I guess that's pretty good for an old broad.

Phoebe48

Joined: 12/5/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

reasonable or not Posted: 9/24/2009 5:13:05 PM
At our age, I think that all this can happen within a year, provided that both parties are open, honest and upfront. The clock is ticking.....ding dong the witch is dead.....reasonable.........YOU SAID REASONABLE ............MY PRETTY.......... Hell, I'm gonna know within the first 10 nano seconds whether or not I'm going to marry him...........how's that for reasonable?

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