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 Author Thread: Love,Quality of life and who pays
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 373 (view)
 
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/12/2009 12:25:14 PM
Women who went after successful men in the 40s weren't called gold diggers back then so why call them that now unless they actually act the title? These women were looking for stability.

There is NOTHING wrong with choosing your future spouse based on his success and what he can bring to the table. Remember, you have to bring this guy/woman to present them in front of your families. They want to see a man who can provide for you emotionally, physically, and YES financially. Anyone with brothers or Uncles can tell you that they WILL check the guy out completely.

Women always have chosen a spouse based on certain qualities anyway and will continue to do so because those qualities will predict her future when it comes to procreating. Just like the men. A man with a SERIOUS agenda for another will also base his attraction on what she has to offer whether its her mind or her child bearing hips. Its in our human core no matter how you sugar coat it. Yes, you can be happy being with someone who is broke, but happiness doesn't pay the bills.

I am not saying that a woman shouldn't pull her own weight but finding a spouse for life is more than how you "feel" about that person. The question is- can they PROVIDE for your future together.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:33:01 AM

This is the guy that you've been with for 3 whole months who finds sex with you a chore and who only wants BJs?

He won't go down on you and yet he's eating you out of house and home?

Try putting your pvssy in the fridge...then maybe he'll eat it!


What? Oh H*LL NAWW! Okay, OP, I understand that this is from another thread but girl- wtf IS he doing right? If he's not helping you pay the bills, at LEAST he should be laying that pipe! If he doesn't wise up, he's gotta go. Love the joke hehe
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:27:26 AM
My S.O. moved in about two months ago. We had discussed expenses and I said he could pay 100.00/wk. Which believe me he eats more than that.

OP -- There's your first mistake and second mistake all rolled into one. First, you allowed your SO to move in, and chances are this is a budding romance and I suspect that the 2 months ago includes the bulk of time that you two have known each other. You moved way too fast way too soon. The second part was this "discussion" about expenses...if we assume you're on the up and up and this chat did take place, then you're telling us all that you AGREED that a fully grown ass man is gonna pay a sum total of approx $400/mo to live with you. You, who are a single mom already working not one but TWO jobs to make ends meet (without him). You who should understand that a grown ass man eats about half that $400/mo easy, leaving just a paltry $200 to cover additional expenses.

Sounds to me like you took in a stray and were so desperate for the sense of "being with" someone that you put yourself, and your kids at risk now. Financially at the very least.

Sorry but I find it really hard to pity or empathize with people that are so impulsive as to move a total stranger in with them so soon just so they can "belong".


The problem is, he has yet to offer me the money. I thought the agreement would mean I would not have to ask him for his share. I'm VERY prideful to an unhealthy extreme. I find it extremely difficult to ask anyone for anything.

NO...the "problem" here is, you moved a stranger in for virtually nothing other than his company, and now that you realized this is exactly what you agreed to, you're finding it difficult to pull your head from your ass to let him know he's overdue. Quit blaming pride on this...it's stupidity at its finest and another attempt by the masses to defer personal accountability by blaming an intangible.


You agreed to let him move in with a mere $400/mo. You f*cked up. Admit it.


But I guess my question is, out of respect for yourself and your SO would you have to be reminded to pay your way? If the situation were reversed I would have his money to him weekly without the need to be asked for it. That's just being a "grown up" in my eyes.

This has jack shit to do with "respect" or being a "grown up"...it has everything to do with two people who made an agreement and one is not keeping their end. YOU mistakenly assumed that things would be all hunky dory once your stranger moved in and now that you see that you'll have to chase him (in between working TWO jobs) for the paltry $400/mo that is owed, you expect some kind of sympathy for your plight.

Bottom line is, you need to "remind" him that he is in arrears. He agreed to this sum, as did you, and he needs to keep to it. If he's unable, then it's your choice to keep him there and swallow the cost or boot his ass to the curb. In the case of the latter, perhaps being smarter next time will see you avoid making this mistake again down the road.

You have kids to feed and bills to pay all by yourself. The last thing you need is another helpless mouth to feed just for the sake of "being with" someone. Time to put on your big girl panties and wake up.



I agree 100%. Hon, I understand that this is hard for you, but its not right that he is being another kid by eating up all your food and having no responsibilities. I don't care if the sex is supreme and he whipe's your grandmother's ass with a smile. You BOTH agreed that he would pay you $400 a month for him to live there. So far, he has NOT kept his end of the bargain! Suck it up and ask him for it on the 1st of EVERY month he is living there. That way, he knows when its coming up and that bills MUST be paid.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
He doesnt...I do
Posted: 9/9/2009 8:09:12 AM
I would get out now. Gosh, I hope he isn't reading this hehe.

I don't think it's fair. I don't want kids for a very long time, so I tend to shy away from guys who want them in the "near" future. OP, you can't date someone who isn't on the same page with you UNLESS you are willing to change for him and accept the fact that he doesn't want any more children. I highly doubt he will change as well. If you want a long term relationship with possible marriage and children, find someone who wants the same things.

On another note you are reallllyyyy young. I'd wait- date around, experience life first and then, once your older- ask yourself if you still want this, and are ready and then go from there.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 458 (view)
 
He brought his Fanny with him...
Posted: 9/9/2009 8:04:46 AM
OP, I see your humor in this, and by the look of your profile pics, you take fashion seriously so I would expect you to want a mate that does as well.

I cracked up at the fanny joke. My mom used to wear them when I was younger- total embarassment.

What's up with his "blackness" question though? Totally uncalled for! Can he seriously not part with his fanny pack? I mean, going on a hike, or camping yes- date biiggggg NO.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Girls smell like happy :)
Posted: 9/8/2009 10:01:14 AM
I find myself doing that as well. Smelling people, not the freaky kind, but when someone attractive walks by. Or if I go walking at the park, I sniff the people that jog by.

I like wearing signature scents, the ones that people tend to ask "What perfume are you wearing?" Sometimes, if I break up with someone, and I still have their clothes, if I miss them I'll sniff their shirts or sweats and it takes me back to when we were close.

I used to buy my ex cologne all the time, I love Aspen, Lucky You, and a few other ones like CK One, or RL.

I guess it could be worse, you could be breaking into women's houses and stealing their dirty panties to sniff
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Men: Would you notice if a condom came off?
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:36:21 AM
I think it happened to me once, that's because he had a little pecker.

Of course, I choose "wisely" now hehe- if the c**** big, and the condom is tight hehe it ain't going nowhere
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Why am I having such a hard time dating, even online?
Posted: 9/8/2009 8:43:54 AM
Hey drrbychik!

I think you're gorgeous. It's possible that some guys are intimidated by your looks, the fact that you are on a roller sports, and possibly even the sexy sleeve you have on your arm.

I just got out of a relationship, and I think I like being in a ltr (no marriage potential atm) and I too am wondering what the hell is up haha. I get tons of emails a day, but most seem to intimidate me, annoy me with the "wow, you're sexy" comments, or are just boring one liners and I don't respond to them so you aren't alone. Of course I seem to be begging for it by the way some of my pics are a bit "provocative" yeah- what-evs

If the guys are intimidated by you, I know there is someone out there who will step up to the plate. Keep on fishinnnn Why change who you are? You're you for a reason:)
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
The art of dating, is it lost?
Posted: 9/6/2009 6:15:06 PM
You know, every once in a while this topic comes up on POF lol. Not to say that it shouldn't be answered. In fact, I often wonder myself.

I think it could go both ways. There are young people like me who were forced to learn how to operate a computer since gradeschool so it's pretty much our source to communicating and some people can't communicate with out it.

If you were taught good social skills, I think you can seperate the real world from the world wide web. Meaning, you have a social surrounding, friends, family- dates. I think POF can sort of be the middle ground. You chat online, to find a date and then by going out, meeting that person and making future plans hence forth inhancing your social life.

I agree, a lot of both men and women use POF to hook up but there IS that option and I don't think it's particularly wrong if BOTH parties want that. However, if they are wanting a hook up but have the want for a ltr in their profile, that's not being honest.




Sex in a relationship is important, but wouldn't it be nice to establish if there is a connection before that is brought up?


I think it's proper to see if there is a connection before it is brought up yes, but not everyone is proper haha. A lot of people do screenings on here before they even think about going on a date and "blowing" $50.00 on someone. I can understand the need to want to find someone who is sexually compatable with you- but going over that before a meet to me is a bit tacky to me personally. And it gives off the illusion that (inho) that the person's main goal is to bone or make you a potential booty call.

I've often cringed when the topic is brought up before a meet. Usually these dates don't last because they turn into sex postition questionaire and the dating part goes out the window. (so says the girl with the semi revealing pics in her prof hehhe)
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 496 (view)
 
Any bbw hypocrites?
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:20:47 PM
I don't think that just because you may not find men with a belly attractive, and you as a BBW makes you a hypocrite. People like what they like. BBWs come in different shapes and sizes, yeah most might be round but all have a right to a preference. There are apple shaped BBW, regtangles, pear shapes the list goes on. I like my men thin but I'm also big on individuals, so if I found a guy with "gut" with a cute face and we clicked- it's on like donkey kong
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
is watching porn at an adult video store a form of cheating?
Posted: 6/12/2009 9:56:41 PM
I don't think so but taking advantage of the glory hole next to your seat IS
I once saw one and let's say it was well used;)

Bring your spouse there with you and have some fun together that's what I say.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 123 (view)
 
Good grief ! my date turned out to be a tranny !
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:07:32 PM
I keep thinking the same thing. Every once in a while I'll come accross some tranny porn and they look amazing! It's not fair-

I would think that they try really hard, shave everywhere, were born men but resemble a woman if they wear the right make up, and cosmetic surgery. Those are the only reasons I assume they look better then a woman;)

But.... being a REAL woman is the best thing ever- and you can't fake that. Period.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
I'm wondering if I'm being too demanding, to be honest.
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:49:14 PM
I don't think you're being too possesive, but I do know that though you have 2 kids of your own, he doesn't seem ready to be a father. Maybe he feels pressured about his deciding to marry you, and you being pregnant with his child.

To be honest, I don't think he's ready, but it is a little too late for that isn't it? He's already planned his fate out with you when you two decided to have a child together. I don't think you should waste any more time with him though, by the way he's treating you, he seems like he doesn't want to be bothered with this marriage/father future.

I would let him go, he's already living with his mother, and is enjoying his life as a single man. I'm not going to judge you in terms of you and your children, I don't know what you do for them, they may have everything they need and more. As of now, what you should do is....

Focus on your children and you first. It's not too late to find love, but once you get your stuff together, go for someone mature, and who wants to be bothered by you and spend his life with you. For your babies father-get him for child support once he eventually gets a job. That baby has to have some support since its father isn't ready to be one.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 32 (view)
 
You're in a relationship, but you have a profile on POF just for the threads? Really?
Posted: 2/17/2009 3:18:07 PM
Yep, we exist. I actually was single when I first joined POF and I just recently got into a relationship (2 months ago tommorow) I love the forums, and though I do receive messages from guys I say thank you, wish them luck, or ingnore them. I LOVE the forums and I like the site period, that is why I never left. If my bf was to come on here and come accross my profile, I wouldn't have anything to hide because my profile explains my situation.

I also have it listed on my page that I am single and NOT looking. Also, what if I took it down and me and my beau split, then I would have to create a new one right?

I'm not using that as an excuse at all, though some are. I also know that a lot of people keep their "windows of oppertunities" open because they don't want to be "attached" once the real deal comes along and they are just in their relationships now until that person finds them. Dirty, but very true in some cases.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Chordee or, bent penis syndrom?
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:13:05 AM
Over a very interesting lunch with a friend, we got on the topic of *cough* the male sex and sex in general with our S.O. My friend thinks she's discovered a problem with her new bf.
She stated that the sex was amazing (best she's ever had) but it's afterwards that she's having problems. Her bf may or may not have (I googled it) Chordee- it's a penis deformity which causes the penis to bend. Whether it's curved up, or down (severely down in her case)

Lucky for her, once he cums, it stays hard and they can go for hours. He cums quite a few times but she says its never physically a lot of semen. I looked it up, and I believe it to be one of the causes. Possibly if they weren't born with it, it could be caused by wearing uncomfy pants, or underwear? In some cases, some men stay hard but it's uncomfortable. He is ALWAYS hard around her though and it seems to never go down she says.

She says most positions are fine, and it has been said that doggie style with a guy that has a bent penis is a very good thing. Hence the stimulation of the female g-spot.
She has no problem orgasaming or anything, but she noticed when she peed that what appeared to be a little pink lining (uterous) came out.

Because he is big anway, she's used to her uterous feeling a little out of place but durring her minstrual cycle she noticed a lot of heavy bleading, and clotting. (sorry guys hehe) This went on for days (much longer then usual) she explained but took birth control to even things out and it worked.

She's spoken to her doctor and things seem normal but she's afraid of having yet another horrible period.

I figured because it's so bent that it must be tearing away at her uteral lining (I doubt that's a word lol) and it's causing her to have wacko periods. Though she's talked to her bf about it, she doesn't want to necessairily bring it up too much because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. There seems to be other methods to fixing the problem but it's costly and I hear very painful in most cases.

I know quite a few males have this same issue weather its curved up, down, or to the left hehe. But, when it's effecting the woman and having severre periods, how are you supposed to deal?
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 348 (view)
 
What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:25:46 PM
I've learned a lot, and even though I've had great dates, and ended on good "friendly" and sometimes "fwb" terms, I'm still single.

I had my first online dating experience when I was 14. Though it was long distance, it seemed like the realest relatinship I ever had and I gave 4 years of my life to it.

I've always seemed to reel them in, but eventually they all go back in the water. Forcefully or volunteerily.

1.I've learned that I shouldn't rush.

If you are wanting to wait to meet, that its ok and perhaps better.

When guys ask to meet quickly and I agree, most times the "relationship" is over just as quickly as the meeting lol. Yeah, I leave things on good terms but most of it was a waste of time.

2.If he's got baggage, its best to leave him with it.

Some may disagree but I now tend to skip over men with children. I cannot express how much it sucks to like someone who's babies mamma still controls his life. Of course, if they still LIVE with eachother, run. Period! It seems more of a state of mind of not wanting to press on then, "I'm doing it for the kids"

3. Its ok to decide that you do not want to go any furthur before the 3rd date.

Its better to nip it in the bud, usually you know if youre into them or not and them pressuring you to wait and see isn't fair for either party.

4. Not every guy I fall for is worth bumping uglies with.

Sometimes its best to wait.

I haven't grown emotionally attached to any dates yet, but it seems when I find one that I start to want to get to know, it never lasts.

I'm so sick of fishing lol. I've always been better and skinning, gutting, and filleting them anyway. Muahaha!
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Do you remember your first kiss?
Posted: 9/16/2008 3:28:03 PM
Yes....it's a little foggy because I think I've had a few kisses before this but I'm unsure, you know kids are hehe.

But, I would visit my grandparent's house sometimes on the weekends. Particularly this was for a whole summer and they lived out in the "country" on 40 acres.

There was this day camp that I was sighned up for within the YMCA and one day I decided to be a bully to a kid who kept staring at me that I didn't realize had a big sister. I think I was around 8 or 9 but I beleive I pushed him, she got in my face and I was made to appologize by a camp counselor.

She had to be around 14, and at the time, I didn't want my ass beat( she'd go down now hehe) so I appologized to him alone on the camp playground. I remember sitting together cross legged and I asked him what I could do to make it up to him (baddd question to ask a guy now heh) and he said a kiss. I didn't want to do it, but kissing him sure did get his sister off my back! I closed my eyes, leaned in, and planted one right on his kisser! He had the biggest grin on his face and went around telling everyone that I was his girlfriend

To think, even at 9 I could sway a man's mind.....
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 188 (view)
 
Where did you meet your last boyfriend/girlfriend?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:51:11 AM
Man, I must be meeting the wrong guys. I get asked a lot at work but I'm not into any of them. Get stared down while walking on the sidewalk, and at school, still nothing comes of it. Even pof has it's downfalls, met a few guys on here, hit it off, but of course none of them ended up working out.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
BONDAGE,AM I MISSING OUT????
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:30:55 AM
Mmmmm you are soooo missing out, I think everyone should experience a lil' bondage and discipline
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:20:19 PM
Emails usually hide nothing, I would let her go.

And I hate compulsive liars.

Though it doesn't seem like she's a compulsive liar, unless she lies all the time, it just sounds like she's lying to cover her ass.

I have a friend who's a compulsive liar and a theif. I mean she lies about everything and gets pissy when you call her out on it.

Its gotten so bad where I don't even hang out with her anymore.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 206 (view)
 
Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:04:48 AM
Oh, you can forgive, doesn't mean you have to necessarily live with that person.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 205 (view)
 
Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:02:16 AM
I think he KNOWS what he's thrown away because he's done it before, he's what I like to call a runner, when the going gets tough, or he sees something better, he runs away, or after it. He's already done this before? He's s rolling stone.. He's not a man, he needs to grow the **** up.


This guy is trying to get in where he fits in with you and that "we will see what happens"

That's something YOU should be saying when he finally comes back begging.
Um what?! Nooo honey,
you've chosen your path, you stay on it.


He's trying to string you along just in case it doesn't work out with his other lady.

I can't believe that 4 weeks of "promises" would result to another leaving there family. And for what? I don't know what sort of problems you guys have to make him want to leave, but why lie about it right before he goes?

And what now, is he going to play house with her kids and leave yours confused?

They always say the grass is greener on the other side but they forget to tell you that there's more shit over there too. Watch your steps.

And if and when he tries to come back, I think you should let him know that He's made his bed, he needs to lie in it.

Best of luck to ya hun!
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Car or no car?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:00:54 PM
I have a fear of driving to be honest. I am working on it haha. At times I feel like I'm a burden but I know it's something I have to push past. I'm fearless except when I'm behind a wheel, I tense up and I drive like a granny. After I slammed my Uncle's kia in the back of his 7 series bmw, that didn't help my case either.

I offer gas money, and I do what it takes to get where I need to go if I don't have a ride. Whether it's walking, bussing, or other forms of transpertation.

But the car is definately not the issue in this case.

From what you are telling us, he doesn't want to put the effort into seeing her. What will happen if that car breaks down? Her car is her lifeline, she has children, a responsibility. The occasional lift is fine if that's what she decides but he's too effing old! I'm 23, I got a little time;)

His a** needs to taxi,metro, or bus it!

At least give her gas money, it's getting hectic out here teehee.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:51:42 PM
I think a person knows when someone loves them.

It's not just a feeling, it's the things that people do to SHOW you. If he isn't respecting you, or treating you with kindness, and lifting you up, then he doesn't love you.

Love as a word doesn't cut what it shows in actions.

I think someday he will turn around and say it, if not- maybe he isn't vocal. Maybe a card, or a poem, or letter explains his love for you.

Spending the night 3 times a week means nothing if he doesn't show you. It could be a "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free ?" deal.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 252 (view)
 
Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:07:08 PM

Racheljay

Your boyfriend had much bigger problems than depression.

The bigger problems are what caused his depression.

Antidepressants wouldn't be very effective for his underlying problem.


My intention was to say that he was overly tired which was caused by the medication.

Of course his problems were an issue before he took them, that's why he took them, to make them better but they didn't seem to work.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Last time you were in a relationship
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:44:18 PM
Hmmm relationships... I would have to say the last time I was in an "official" relationship was about.....1.5 yrs. I've been in fwb relationships though, that was about 3 weeks age hehe.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 83 (view)
 
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:32:28 PM
Best bet is to try and move on. Eventually you will be completely over her, it just takes time. I'm glad you found someone else, now you can invest in that relationship.

It seems she realized she made a mistake, and that you are known to be true so she knows you would be there for her. That is why she's back. It didn't work out with the guy who she cheated with, and now that she's pregnant, she wants you to be there for her and the baby. It's sad, but it sounds like this is what she wants from you. Just wish her the best, don't bail her out when the going get's tough because she will try to pull you in and you'll be stuck. Move on with your life. Good luck.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 242 (view)
 
Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:11:42 PM
I dated someone on antidepressants and as someone who's experienced this, I would be weary of why they are on it and if they can seek other help to fix the problem.

From time to time I may get depressed for a day or two so I know how it can be at times.

However, this person would hide out for weeks and months at a time. He couldn't hold a job, still lived with his parents at like 35(some people don't have a choice but it was like he refused to do better for himself)

He would "miss" me and then spend time with me, and then disapear for a while. I didn't mind because we were fwb but he would take them, and fall asleep with his cigarette in his hands, and burn holes all over the place.

I remember sleeping next to him and waking up to burning pillowcases and have to wake him up. It made him overly tired, irritable and he seemed more depressed.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
depression brought on by Christianity?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:10:00 PM
Thank you all for your wisdom and understanding. I don't necessarily think I'm depressed because I've never been one to stay in a slump for too long.

I think I'm just a bit unsure, and confused. The 20's are good for that I suppose. I actually had the oppertunity to speak with one of my Uncle's who happens to be Christian and a mentor to me. He simply agreed with what a lot of you have stated. That it's okay to be friends with non Christians, just make sure they don't pull you down etc.

It isn't more of them pulling me down, it's more of myself still enjoying the life I lead when I wasn't under my "covering" lol. I just like to have my cake and eat it too I guess.

I know now not to harm myself in things that I know God doesn't think is right for me. But I don't want to completely cut myself off from having fun and limiting myself to boring Christian friends as well. (jk) I'm more afraid of people thinking that some of the things I enjoy as sin. I just want to be guilt free. I was only guilt free when I wasn't under all the scruitiny.

Believe me, if you were enjoying life and someone came up and pointed out that God doesn't like it, you would be afraid too. I tried to make a turn around, and I thank God for that "intervention" but I also don't want to live my life tiptoeing.

Thanks again everyone for all your help.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 25 (view)
 
depression brought on by Christianity?
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:58:22 PM

It sounds like you aren't being honest with people.

You say that you cannot be friends with a non-Christian, but when you weren't religious you loved your "no sinner" friends.
You say that you cannot date a non-Christian, but when you weren't religious you didn't judge, but got your freak on, and managed to stay out of trouble. So if you didn't judge, then you wouldn't have turned a guy down just because he was a Christian. Plus, there is a committed Catholic on here, who is/was dating a Wiccan.
You stay at home, work out, eat, paint, and lay down. Where is the Christian in that? Why aren't you helping out at the local Church? Or doing something for G-d?


I believe I'm being very honest. I've always loved both my non Christian friends and Christian friends. In fact, I never thought I was "religious" at all. It wasn't an issue of loving them or hating them just because they didn't believe. I just FELT from others that I HAD to be done with them because they didn't belive which made no sense to me.

It's just that I have been brought up that you are to ONLY be friends with your Christian friends and if your Non Christian friends don't succumb to the Lord, you have to banish them.

It's like, Christians believe in marrying Christians, that if you don't marry someone who understands your walk, what's there to work out? If you're not going in the same path, why would you think it would work out? That is what I've been told is the same for friendship. If you can't win them over, loose them.

I however see in a sense of pulling. If they pull you down, it's better to be rid of them. But are you pulling them up?

However, I don't have to do crazy things that harm me, that some of my Non Christian friends do, doesn't mean I should stop being friends with them. We have other things in common and if they see me as someone who is changed for the better, they may want to as well.

I've said this in my post, the reason I didn't want to help in the church was because I didn't want to.


It seems to me that you are just being a Cardiac Christian. Your heart is in it, but little else. Christianity is all about love. You're judging your friends, you're judging potential boyfriends, you're judging strangers by avoiding them. I believe that you feel ashamed of your Christianity, and you are hiding it from others.


I don't feel ashamed, I'm just in conflict with what people think I should be believeing and what I actually believe. I didn't mean to judge them, I felt like I was pushed to judge them based on what I was told.


Surely, if you are loved by G-d, then why not act like it? Why not be happy? Why not be friends with everyone? Why not go on dates? Even if you are celibate, you can still date. It would just be nice to be warned that you are celibate until marriage in advance.


This goes back to what I said in my post. The reason I am not happy, is because I am not sure what I believe and what I should believe. I am unsure.

I want to be friends with everyone! This again goes against what I was taught. To not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

My church and most Christians ,I assume, don't necessarily date unless they are planning to get married. I don't plan on getting married for a very long time. The guys I am interested in don't necessarily believe in sex after marriage, and the guys who do are only dating to get married in which I don't plan on doing for years to come.


I would suggest that you question if you are religious for you, or religious for show. If it is for show, G-d can see in your heart. If you actually mean it, then go to a minister who gives you a vibe you can get in touch with, and ask him how to show your love to people. Even if he's not your local minister, I'm sure he'll tell you the same.


The act of flashing Christianinity isn't something I do, or plan to ever do. My issue is that I was tired of "acting" and doing my own thing when I went home. I believe I know how to show love lol. My issue again is being real with myself and God. If I am a believer but not following EVERYTHING in the Bible, I don't feel like I'm being real. It's too much pressure.


What I notice about your post, is that before, you were uninterested in putting boundaries on your life at all. Now you are putting boundaries on your life, restricting you, and finding it difficult. Well, guess what? It is. It's like going to school. No-one wants to go to school. But you'll get a lot more out of life by going than not going. Giving yourself boundaries and self-control gives you more of life, not less.


Before I felt like I was in prison lol. I left, felt freerer, now that I'm back, I am in that same spot.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 24 (view)
 
depression brought on by Christianity?
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:34:23 PM

In other words, you had no choice in the matter. and in my opinion, what you are feeling now is a confusion brought about by two conflicting sides of yourself. Part of you has been conditioned from early on to believe that the Christian way of doing things is not only the right way, but the only way. The other part, which is your questioning human mind, is telling you there are more options out there than blindly following the faith of those around you.


You hit the nail right on the head. I do feel rather conflicted on boths sides. I'm straddling the fence. But if you are conditioned to believe that this is the ONLY way, everything else tends to be immediately shut down. But then there's the worry that I will be that luke warm that Jesus spits out.


Think for yourself, realise you will still be a decent, caring, loving, worthwhile member of society regardless of what god [or no god] you believe in.


But is this the thing right here. If I think that way, will I be fooling myself into eternal damnation?
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
depression brought on by Christianity?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:44:36 PM
Thanks to everyone for your advice and taking time to reply to my post.

This is off topic but,

I want elaborate more on your responses but I'm on my mobile, and responding to each one will be a bit tediuos and I will do so tommorow so bear with me. :)

Just know that I am taking this all into consideration, and will better respond tommorow.

I'm very overwhelmed but also very grateful that I've received so many responses from you all on something I'm struggling with.

Thanks a lot.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
depression brought on by Christianity?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:26:18 PM
First and formost, I didn't create this thread out of pity.

I created it to get some answers and for a better understanding of my issue.

I was born and raised a non denominational Christian.

Througout my years I have back slid or "gone my own route"

I recently moved back to my hometown for personal reasons and through my mothers will/rules I have been forced to attend church.

A few weeks ago, after returning from an altar call I was approached by a lady well known in my church but, because of my absence, I didn't really know her.

She stated a profiecy over me saying that God had told her that my body wasn't my own, that I needed to be aware of the company I kept, and that I would be distant from my friends, with many thinking that I'm being anti social.

She also said that (in references to my sexual habits) that God would have a husband for me, at the appointed time and children too (though I don't plan on getting married for a while, or having kids in the least)

I recently found out from my mother that this lady was sitting and waiting to tell me this for about 8 weeks! And that she sat my mother down and talked things over with her but my mom didn't necessarily tell her I was sexually active.

I admit, I may have been doing some things that would put my sweet grandmother to shame but why did I have to get the "jonah" move put on me?

Fast forward to now.

I have chopped off and fwb relationships that I have had. Broken a heart or two as well. My friends totally think I'm lame now that I've found my "new found glory" and I've even bruised some friendships in the terms that "we shouldn't be unequally yoked with unbelievers" by telling them that I can't be friends or date someone who isn't a Christian.

With all of this new found glory, I feel like crap, my friends think I think that I am better than them. I'm depressed to the point where I stay at home, work out mon- friday, eat, paint, and lay down for hours.

Some may say that I should pray and get into the "Word", fellowship with people in my church etc. Or serve in the Church. I read my Bible as well.

The thing is, I've know most of the people in my church for years and I don't find pleasure in fellowshipping with any of them! There is nothing really going on in my church and I don't have a drive to start something.

I miss the old me terribly. I believe aside from me getting my freak on, I was a pretty decent person. I didn't judge, loved my sinner, and non sinner friends. Stayed out of trouble, but had fun as well.

And everyone knows that as a Christian, you aren't supposed to crave those things, that you are to take off your daily selves and take on the cross.

I am more miserable then before when I was running around "sinning" logically people would say

"Of course you are miserable! The flesh craves sin! It looks good, but in the end, your soul will suffer etc."

Personally, I don't believe in not associating with my friends just because they don't believe what I do, that just seems selfish to me.

I can offer my opinions in hopes to save their souls but why should I have to worry about the after life?
Do you think my beliefs caused my depression?
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 59 (view)
 
WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:03:42 AM
I have to admit, I have done this before. It may have been imature at the time, but it was something that had to be done either way. I no longer wanted to see the person because our "relationship" was purely sex and wasn't going in the direction we both planed on going for.

It was wrong, but I don't feel bad for it, and he understood. Would I do it again? Probably not because I value people more then I did a few years back.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 200 (view)
 
Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:36:27 PM
Okay! That was supposed to say OPEN relationship, not porn lol (blushes)
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 199 (view)
 
Polyamory
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:25:00 PM
I actually once considered myself polyamorous. I was okay being in a porn relationship.

I think its for some people, others can't deal with sharing so it wouldn't be for them. Either way, people should do what is right for them, as long as they are protecting themselves and not harming anyone in the process.

I think a huge deal with poly is fear of someone bringing in unwanted diseases or jealous partners.
Protection and knowledge of others history is key, and if you think ur the jealous type, this may not be for you.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 50 (view)
 
When is taking a drunk girl home from a bar and having sex considered rape?
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:28:26 PM
Its been considered rape since I can remember. Why would anyone even want to *uck a girl who's clearly been drinking too much?

It amazes me how often this happens. I never go to the clubs alone, and when I'm out with the girls I see quite a few guys kissing and feeling up a passed out girl. I wouldn't even chance it. Especially of rape could be a ending result. Don't even do it, try chatting up a sober one and getting her number.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Girls - Do you ever feel queasy after sex?
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:19:04 PM
I have a few times. That's only because the guy was well endowed and let's just say I'm not all that " experienced" it was a well "gut like" feeling :D
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 70 (view)
 
where is the weirdest place u had sex???
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:11:55 PM
A park near my house. It was after dark and we almost got caught by some teen boys driving by. And we scrambled to pull up our pants and say down like nothing happened. They drove by and cursed because we scared them. It was pitch black out except for a light house, the moon and houselights across the water. It was overlooking a river. This was really recent tee hee.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 1248 (view)
 
Ladies: your take on short guys?
Posted: 4/21/2008 10:06:31 AM
I'm a face person, there is the shortest guy in my sociology class and he's the hottest short guy I've ever seen. He seriously has a model's face, but on a little boy's body. In those terms, I don't discriminate. He has to be about 5'0 if that. I think he's adorable!

There's also another shortie in my theatre class who's a total knock out, he works out and has a great ass to go along with that body. He's cute too, so I wouldn't totally rule out short guys if I'm attracted to them.

To explain better for you in terms of why women like taller men. Well, I would have to say it's genetic. Just like most men like a womanly figure (child bearing etc.) some women like a nice tall form. Mainly in a protector kind of way. I guess it all goes back to the cavemen age. Perhaps they want to pass on taller genes to their children and if the male has dominant genes, their kids will be short. This comes into play far more then we think.

I wouldn't be too discuraged. Many women like a guy for other qualities. I've seen short men with big bank accounts score tall, gorgeous women. Tee Hee(I wonder why lol)
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Un-called-for
Posted: 4/21/2008 9:20:09 AM

^^^^^ The strip club thing was mentioned by one poster, Fe Fe. To her it sounded like the scenario depicted a trip to the strip club...but I don't think that was the OP's intent. The strip club issue is an entirely different thing than just going out to have fun with your friends, IMHO.


Right, but the OP said dibauchery which to me means they were looking to get into a little "trouble" not necessarily sleeping or hooking up with someone, but strip club could be a part of th equation.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Un-called-for
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:59:43 AM
Forgive me, ahhhh so they most likely went to the strip club. Hmmmm I wouldn't mind, and would hope my s.o. wouldn't either but if they know they are going, and they have a problem with it.... it would be something I would discuss with my s.o. before they left the house etc. I would assume that they would behave so I wouldn't need to call.

If they actually trusted their s.o., there would be no need for any calls.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Un-called-for
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:57:29 AM
I think more then 2 times is a bit too much.

The reason I say two is because I'd like to give them th benefit of the doubt, perhaps they called to explain something important, and forgot to mention it in the previous call. Who knows?

Any more then that screams insecurites to me. Someone knows they are out and wants to make sure they are being a "good" bf/gf. It's in order to keep tabs on them.

I had an ex that did that. In fact, if I said I was going to be out somewhere and then decided to go elsewhere and didn't say so, he would be extremely upset. **** that (excuse moi)

I cut his ass off quick, turns out he was keeping tabs on me to try and cover his ass because he was cheating.

In a wicked way, I kind of like driving guys wild in terms of "keeping tabs" and wondering what I'm up to when I'm out of reach. I love to think that they think a night with my girlfriends will somehow turn into so five male orgy. yeah....whatever
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Pay after sex
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:15:28 AM
Someone was working a double shift;) yeah, she was most likely a prostitute. Keep looking!
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Do all women HATE younger women?
Posted: 4/10/2008 12:17:38 PM
I would hope not or I'd better watch my back! ;)

Some women can't handle someone younger or prettier then them, I guess its what happens sometimes in life. There is a sense of threat. One batting of an eyelash towards someone elses husband could break up a thirty year marriage leaving the woman nothing but a pot to puss in. Her sense of security all tooken away after years of investment.

It can and does happen but I'm not out to steal anyones hubby. Women like this should be offering wisdom to yougeons like myself, not hostility. Just remember, they were once young as well.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 329 (view)
 
Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 4/9/2008 2:00:58 PM
Doesn't hurt to look. However, people may have a few dating sites online that are old and dusty and may forget to take them down, or log in from time to time to delete it. I believe that instead of taking it completely off, you should just add in that you have found your SO. That way, if you've come accustomned to the forums and chatrooms etc. you can pop in and say your peice, talk to friends and move on til next time. You don't know how long the relationship will/can last, so you don't have to put up the trouble of making a new one. I highly doubt that one relationship will change you too much.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 158 (view)
 
Trophy Wives
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:52:32 PM
Sounds like a mutual beneficiary agreement to me. It's not very different from old time marriages. Just think, in antient greece and other places, these "trophy" wives were indeed little, or teen-aged boys! They used the boys to gain social status, and some believed that your wife was there to breed, and your boy toy was the only true "soul mate" a guy could have, it was the in- thing to do.

Imho, nothing has really changed. People can't gawk and be surprised that older men want younger women, and younger women want money:D Most were brought up thinking that diamonds are truely a girls best friend!

If anything, it seems it's the older male who wins in the end, not the beautiful woman. Out of his life, he's gotten wealthier, gotten married to someone who was once beautiful, gotten children out of it, got lucky and gotten an even more beautiful woman then the first. So why are people targeted at "gold diggers" for being attractive and wanting nice things. Sure, you can work your whole life to get what you want, but the truth of the matter is, the more attractive you are, the better you are treated. (that is unless you have a shit attitude and even that can be overlooked)

A lot of women know what they are getting into when they marry someone who is older and has money. Many don't think about the big picture ahead, at the aging they will go through and perhaps replacement. That same hand that led them to parties to show off may soon become cold and disinterested.

Some could care less, a life of luxory may be better then non at all. They will be taken care of, their offspring, and they will most likely be taken care of the rest of their lives without so much as lifting a pretty little finger.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 1204 (view)
 
Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:39:29 PM
I believe there are some friendships that never do cross the line. Reguardless if they are attracted to that person or not.

There is a fear of knowing the person wants to sleep with you, and keeping your distance but still maintaing a friendship.

But I believe if two people have an understanding, platonic only!- it can happen. I have quite a few guy friends who I would never sleep with, and vice versa. You have to have that will power at times, and go into it knowing that you aren't going to be just another fwb relationship. It can happen.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 257 (view)
 
Would you marry a bisexual woman/man?
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:26:07 PM
Hmmmm... I would consider myself bi, but only in a physical manner. I however could never "date" someone of my same sex. Some would say that I'm curious but I can't be curious if I've already "discovered". But, this may sound hypicritical but I think it's highly unlikely that I would date someone who is a bisexual male. I guess there's not much of a difference but that's just how I see it.
 racheljay
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 323 (view)
 
What is the difference between Having Sex and Making Love
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:44:34 PM
I have never had the "pleasure" of making love. I've had great sex, and just great ****s. I think we all know (I'd hope) what having sex is so I don't need to go into greater detail.

I would imagine that making love would be completely selfless on both ends with a mental connection. Being selfless would entail you to let go of your needs and pursue the pleasure of your partner, and they you.(not saying that just sex is selfless, a lot of partners love to give)

In the end you would both get what you want and need because not only is their a mental connection, you both would be looking out for eachother.
 
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