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kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 45 (view)

Would a person who suffered a brain injury be a turn off for you? Posted: 11/22/2009 4:21:25 PM
Hmmm. This is interesting to me as well. I'd have to say if the injury was serious enuf that there are obvious remaining aftereffects? I'd say no. Speech issues are obvious. Other changes are less obvious but more important like mood swings, personality changes, schizo, paranoia, etc. I don't need to be surprised w those down the line. My rea4on for being so closeminded is my ex hub with MS. With that disease lesions (aka dead areas) can be anywhere in the brain. My ex's personality got awful. He was already a narcisisstic irresponsible ***hole but all of that got 100x worse w the disease plus he lost decision making skills and judgement leading to him cheating on me. So would I risk that situation again? Hell no. Never. Now. Opie the second part. What about if we r dating? And he is as mentaly healthy as most of us? Then I would be less apt to worry. And I would not put that under "need to disclose" if it no longer effects him. In fact thinking about it, my last bf may well indeed have had past head trauma due to his risk taking lifestyle. He certainly had stitches many time and various broken bones. If he told me he had had a head trauma at one point I'd have just been greatful he came thru it ok. In other words would not have bothered me. And that's really what it comes down to. The person's level of functioning, ability to think critically, make good decisions, be a kind person, all of that is what I want in a partner. Today. Not 'before the accident'. Not "hopefully again". If U have those things then I guess U came out of the trauma ok. If U didn't then I'm not going to date U because those R traits I want. (Sorry about abbreviating, on my fone)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Her Orgasm Posted: 11/20/2009 5:37:49 PM
BOTH... and same for HIS orgasm... Yeah, he's got turn ons and preferred positions too... shocking I know. SHE is responsible for knowing her body. For touching herself so she knows what feels good when and where. For being sensitive to what her body is telling her. For being willing to try more than one position. For giving him feedback - and flat out telling him what she likes and doesnt. HE is responsible for the same for his body. Just substitute him for her. LOL ANd..just to add... In some positions I am able to alter the angle to get him to best hit my G. And I am able to move my hips during penetration so taht I am an active participant in getting to orgasm (both of ours) and I can make it faster or slower. In other positions I can not move my hips, the movement is all his so that he is responsible for getting me there - of course my calling out "OMG That feels so good, don't stop" helps. :) Then there is him saying "OMG it feels so good when you put your legs down low" and me complying when I sense him getting near to his O. And both of us remembering each other's triggers for the next time... It's a dance. It's fun. It's something you do TOGETHER if it's gonna be good.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 71 (view)

Men and self esteem Posted: 11/20/2009 3:57:03 PM
Well, I am a parent of a boy and a girl. And consider it my job to raise my children right. Both of them. To teach them to follow their dreams but not neglect their weaknesses. To develop both their bodies and minds. To make healthy choices for themselves. So...I guess I don't need Dove to do the job for me. shrug One of the things I do as a mostly single parent is make sure both of my kids have positive male role models in their lives...both to imitate and to disclipline them. My neighbors are male and female and my kids spend a lot of time with them when I'm not around- thus giving the male plenty of opportunities to guide my kids - teach them and discipline them. (I think it's important for kids to receive discipline from both genders). Their dad is very much present in their life but he acts like a big kid, has never provided discipline, and has brain damage...so I do not consider him a role model of any kind. He is not "mentally handicapped'...at least not in the traditional sense that you'd think of. But he makes poor decisions and acts like a big goofball most of the time. So I add normal males for balance. I def think boys face pressures as they grow up. But I am not about to askt he government, the school, or the media to be the ones to help them. that's the parents job. Oh, and fwiw...I don't know about your schools, but my kids' school works VERY hard on teaching them the basics -reading, writing, math, science, history. I find no fault with them. My daughter had a hard time learning to read in 1st grade and her teacher put her in a special reading group where she got extra help each week and she is now reading at grade level. And after xmas, her teacher this year has a special after school group for review to help a small group of kids get ready for the SOLs (our big tests)...kids that need extra help, and pretty sure my daughter will be in this group. Her teacher bends over backwards to impart knowledge and a love of learning into her class. I guess I get tired of hearing schools getting a bad rap when some of them do everything they can to help kids succeed.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Conflict in the bedroom. Posted: 11/20/2009 3:06:11 PM
I"m having some problems with OPies posts... and some of the follow up but having a hard time putting it together... First, Jinx bud... Librarians can be VERY wild! Be careful with them labels... Ok, now to the OP... You speak as though Making Love can not be wild. And I wonder if you are having some issues with thinking about someone you love as being a sexual being. Kinda the Madonna vs. Slut complex. I think... I think you are going about this all wrong. You are mixing too many problems together... I see your problems as: 1. She has had issues w/dominant/domineering/disrespecful men in bed, including perhaps rape. 2. She appears to prefer very vanilla sex 3. You equate vanilla sex w/ making love and colorful/kinky/wild sex with NOT making love 4. You want wild sex with her butyou love her and you are unsure of having both Does that sound about right? So the first thing you need to do is stop labelling the sex. Throw the term "making love" out the window. Because trust me, you can make love and have it be fast and hard and wild. Making love does not mean slow and dreamy. It can, but it doesn't have to be. And...fwiw, you can have wild kinky sex and still love someone. Hell you can have a 3 some and still love someone. Or swing. It's all good if it's consensual. Next, don't assume she only wants vanilla sex. She might have more of an issue w/the way the guys acted than the actual acts. For example, a blow job can be a very very loving act. But not if the guy is forcing you down there and gagging you. Separate the sex from the guys forcing her in your mind. So...let's deal with teh guys forcing her. I think if you can get beyond this, you will open up your lovemaking a bit. Let her take the lead. Start by asking her about her fantasies. Ask her what she's wanted to try. In bed, ask her what she wants to do. Ask her if she'd like ot try a different position - and then ask her which one. In other words, PUT HER in the drivers seat. Give over sex control to her. Make sure you are very reassuring and don't laugh at anything she says or make her feel ashamed for sharing something kinky (or kinky to her but not to you). She will prolly start out by feeling you out by suggesting somethign pretty vanilla still...and then with your positive feedback will feel comfortable getting more kinky as time goes on. Another idea is let her dominate you with a blindfold or tying you up. You can go about this several ways. You can take a walk thru a store like spencers gifts togehter...and casually suggest buying a silly sex game that includes a blindfold. You know, something that doesn't look too too kinky, but is more than just dice. Or you can just say "hey I would love to try having you blindfold me (or tie me up) and play with me however you want to" and skip the store. Anywya...however you get there, let her do it. You can include stuff liek whipped cream, chocolate pens so she can "write" on you, etc... Whatever you think will encourage her to play with you. The whole idea is to let her explore you sexually with her not feeling dominated. With her feeling in control. It can feel a little silly to do, trust me...but later she will be able to reflect on teh experience and realize how much power she had - and how safe she felt - and how she was able to do it. That you didn't make fun of whatever turned her on. That you let her and didn't pressure her. If you aren't saying "go down on me, b*tch" then she might just enjoy going down on you while you are tied to the bed...when it's her choice. When she gets to tease you and make you pant. Power. For her. Control in her hands. See what I'm getting at? Sex in a great relationship is fun. It's an opportunity to make each other feel good and to explore things safely....safe because no one will hurt you or make you do anything you don't want to. Anyway...over time, I think by giving her power and control, she will become more comfortable taking changes, getting wilder, kinkier, and letting you be in control eventually if that's what you guys want. First she has to feel safe though, and that's where you start. Good luck...just my ideas...

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Male ED Posted: 11/20/2009 2:43:34 PM
Didn't read all the responses...but my answer is BOTH. And one reason for an increase is the population is getting older...and ED is more common in older men than younger men. REmember the baby boomers are now "senior citizens"...not that 60 is old anymore, but you get my drift. LOL Kaylie

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Is collecting Naked pictures of Women considered disease Posted: 11/19/2009 6:54:26 AM
Is it interfering with your ability to lead a normal life? It sounds like the answer to me is "no". So I wouldn't worry about it. Tell your SIL to stay out of your computer and keep her morals to herself. There's NOTHING wrong with liking to look at closeups. Let's just say that's your little fetish. :) some guys like girls in panties, some guys like girls in stockings and high heels, some guys like to look at sex in action pics, some guys apparently like you like close ups. And girls of course have their own variety of things they like to look at. It's all good, as long as it's all consensual and not underage. I mean, being a peeping tom would not be consensual, ya get my drift? But pictures on the internet, I'd say that's fine. Reselling them, not so fine. Taking your own w/hidden cameras, not so fine. And while hiding them on the puter is one solution, quite frankly if you live alone and it's YOUR computer I don't think you should have to. Tell your ex SIL to keep her paws off of it and you'll be good. Or next time ask her what kind of porn SHE enjoys...turn the tables on her. Or her spouse - bet he enjoys some sort as well. LOL

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

What do Atheist Holla Out During Sex? Posted: 11/19/2009 6:46:46 AM
Dam* good question OP. I'm an "Oh god!" person too... Or "OH my god!" but then again, I blaspheme (or whatever u call it) in daily life as well when not having sex... My daughter corrects me and tells me oh my gosh. LOL So I think that's why it comes out during sex. Also other phrases...but that's why I use that one. And for me it has nothing to do with my religious beliefs or lack of them. lol More like my brain is mush and there's only so many words I can put together at that time!!! Sometimes the feeling is so intense, I can't verbalize it enough...nothing sounds right to me. huh. high pitched moaning still doesn't do the trick. Or "oh fvck!" or "oh god oh god oh god oh god!". LOL Poor guy's gonna have to get earplugs I think...never thought I'd see the day when I was a screamer but I'm dang close! So that's why we say "oh god!" - it's simple and already inscribed on our tiny little brains. In that moment, we are reduced to instinctive primitive pleasure seeking/feeling beings. Not a time to recite poetry for sure! In fact he dam* well better not be capable of poetry if I"m not! ha ha

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Fingers and Tounges Posted: 11/18/2009 9:05:00 AM
Some do, some don't. Some really really love it, actually. But some don't like it. So... basically... no most women aren't like her, but some are. Hopefully the next woman you are intimate with will like it. Incidentally, I didn't like it from my ex as well, because he ingeneral turned me off. I was married for 12 years. Now I do like it though with someone I am dating and who turns me on. Good luck dating again! Take it slowly... It's a crazy pond out there! And the world has chanegd in 13 years!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

I am breaking up with BF Today! Had ENOUGH Posted: 11/18/2009 9:00:26 AM
Congrats! Proud of you for making this decision. Now go do it and DON"T LOOK BACK. No, he doesn't love you. And in fact it's worse than that. He doesn't RESPECT you. Seriously...we don't treat those we respect that way. Or those we love. He was using you for sex and "saying" what you wanted to hear when he had to. Now move on. Put that sexy outfit on and go out and have a good time. Dance with some hot guys, get some admiring looks, and enjoy being a woman and having POWER. with your sexiness, not having a guy take it away from you.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Body Image perception = confidence or hesitation? Posted: 11/17/2009 3:03:42 PM
That's great, Ricky!!! I'm comfortable with my body, flaws and all. It's mine, so it's a good thing, huh? I do want to lose a little weight, mostly b/c I see weight creeping up. Slowly, but surely. I'm trying now to eat a little healthier and walk alittle more. Now, as in, the last 2 days. lol I tried morning aerobics, but was just not making it there by 9. (I drop kids at school right before that). Do the trampoline jumping thing but not enough. So for last 2 days I"ve taken dogs to park after dropping off kids and walking the track there. It's not a lot, but its' a start. Weighed myself this morning and actually I am the same weight I was about 6 months ago. So that's good. Still, I look down and don't like what I se e- to me, that is the biggest reason...not what the scale says or what a partner says. A ctually, guys like my body just fine. It's ME that wants it better - mostly because I know it can be. Just a little less blub and a little more muscle...I'm not asking a lot, am I?

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 525 (view)

What is your favorite type of sex? Posted: 11/16/2009 9:10:07 PM
The kind where I am completely lost in the sensations... where I emerge many orgasms later not sure where I am or how much time passed. Involving multiple positions, hard and fast thrusting, slower thrusting, licking here, sucking there. All of the body not just the genitals... neck biting, nipple sucking (his and mine), lots of tongue in the lots of kisses, me on top, him on top, doggie, various pieces of furniture... Yeah, that's the kind. Still remember some time ago, after some particularly vigorous banging on his and my part that resulted in a very long wonderful orgasm on my part , my saying to him "OMG You're going to kill me!" and him smiling in "that way" that says "ha ha you betcha I know you like it".... you know, not smug, not proud...but like he knows what I"m feeling and he likes it. That is my favorite type of sex!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

Dating A Single Child Posted: 11/16/2009 1:18:26 PM
Wouldn't bother me. I'd be thrilled to meet a great guy that I am attracted to, have great chemistry with, good times with, etc... HIs number of siblings is pretty darn low on my list. Must be nice to be so confident in finding a mate that you can impose ridiculous conditions on the person. Hmm.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 103 (view)

BF will not tell me his birthdate or where he works - is this wierd to you guys? Posted: 11/16/2009 1:15:01 PM
Is it possible that the apartment is not his primary home? that he is indeed married and "travels" on weekends when he sees you??? Does his apartment have a lot of homey touches - pictures, art, afaghans, etc.. or does it basically look like a place to store his crap? I'm thinking honestly he doens't want you to know b/c he IS married and the apartment is where he sees you. But either way, YES it is weird. VERY weird. For whatever reason he is hiding it, it is NOT normal. I wouldn't like it and wouldn't put up with it. Doesn't matter how sweet he is on the 2 days a week he pays you attention. Let's put it this way...I sure as hell don't see long term potential in someone that "sensitive". And it is a controlling thing... For sure. I bet he likes to put you on the defensive? Expects you to do or say things (or not do or say) or he gets mad? Basically a way to keep you "trying" constantly to win his approval so you don't notice that he's treating you like crap. (I dated a borderline who did this, incidentally)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

When is the time right? Posted: 11/16/2009 1:01:52 PM
Agree with packagedeal and want to add a little. Not all men (or women) see having sex as meaning they are now serious or are now exclusive or boyfriend/girlfriend. The only way he will know that is your point of view is if you tell him. And the only way you will know how he feels is to ask him. Here's what I think. First, decide if you trust him. If you do, then ask him if he wants to be exclusive at this point, tell him what is on your mind re: sex and dating. Then go from there. If he says yes let's be exclusive, I really like you, and I see us heading toward sex, etc...then great! Unless of course you don't trust him and think it would all be a line to get you into bed because all men are "scum" "liars" etc... or if you think he is. If you don't think you can trust his word, then, well, I wouldn't enter into a relationship with him. One thing I have most definitely learned along the way is if you offer a man sex, he will probably take it, regardless of what is in his head. He won't say "No, because I don't want you as a girlfriend", although I think that would be nice. Instead, he'll take the sex and do what he wants afterwards - whether it be stay with you or not. So you really have to discuss it, if you are choosing to put conditions on the sex such as exclusivity. If I chose to have sex witha boyfriend, I may or may not expect exclusivity by that point. I may or may not think that means we are getting "serious" as you say. And, consider this, I dated a guy for almost a year who told me he was not ready to "get serious" about anyone. I considered his words and said well I didn't even know him yet so I'd like to keep seeing him and see where things go. Well, after I got to know him better, I discovered he has only "gotten serious" about 2 women inhis life - and he married both of them. So...I would guess that serious has different meanings to you and him (and me). I don't see serious as equaling marriage, but he does. So be careful how you word things - and make no assumptions about what he is thinking or saying unless he is explicit. i.e. exclusive means no dating or sex w/anyone else. have fun! Sounds like he's a keeper so far!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

MATCH.com V p.o.f Posted: 11/13/2009 4:51:55 PM
Match can charge what they want. It is a free market out there. you are free to pay it or leave. shrug I am on 2 sites, both which are free. I have been on others and took the free option that didn't have all the other stuff. And I rely on instincts and impressions...and there's no way in hell I'd let someone else match me up or tell me who to date or control who I can talk to. Eharmony goes against pretty much all of my beliefs, therefore there is no point in me even considering it - I go for the kind of person who ISN"T there. LOL K

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Possible for a man to love two women at once? Posted: 11/13/2009 11:48:31 AM
Yes it's possible... You love someone but can't be with him/her. So over time the love starts to fade and yous tart dating again and fall in love with someone new. That old love is still present somewhere in you though. That doesn't mean you want the person back or would go back to him or her. My first love, from college, 18 years ago...some part of me will always hold love for him. But obviously that's not going to interfere w/my ability to love again. The man I fell in love with last spring...I still love him but he doesn't love me. SO what, am I doomed to be alone forever? No, I moved on. That love is still in me though. But I feel like I have the capacity in me to enjoy another man's company, and perhaps slowly, over time, fall in love with him. To me, if you can turn love on and off by snapping yoru fingers, it was never love to start with. Old love gets compartmentalized, put away, but that doesn't mean it is truly gone. And perhaps it would be disprespecting the love to expect it to be. Consider the widow or widower...ready to move on and love again. That doesn't mean he/she no longer has love for the deceased spouse. Now...that's my answer to the question. But OPie, that's not exactly what you are dealing with. I'd say letters as recent as 2 months, when you have been together 9, are worrisome. IT sounds to me like he hasn't moved on from her. He might love you...but I'd worry if she came back he'd drop you for her...in which case he loves her more. I don't know though. I'm not you or him. I think you need to sincerely apologize for reading what wasn't yours, and then talk to him about what he's feeling. And then you need to decide if you want to be patient and stay while he works thru these conflicting feelings, or not. I"m sure he feels pain in having feelings for both of you if he's a good guy. But of course you owe it to yourself to protect your heart as well. So I think you two probably need a good heart to heart over this issue and then figure out what is best.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

are women ok with a man who does not orgasm, yet still enjoys every moment? Posted: 11/12/2009 1:34:31 PM
You want honest? Ok, I don't like it when my guy doesn't finish w/an orgasm. At all. It makes me feel like things were .... unfinished. and yeah sometimes I take it a bit personally like maybe I wasn't doing somethign he wanted. BUT...what ya gonna do? I mean, come on, if he can't, well, then he can't. I don't get mad. I'm understanding. If he's been drinking then it's obvious why. Or if he has a lot of stress in his life. Or if he's older and just takes 1-2 more sex sessions to get there. Or needs a bj to cum. SO you know, it's something to work with, and work on. It's not unsurmountable (insurmoutable?) But, truthfully, no I dont' like it when the guy doesn't cum. I much prefer the nights when my guy would be banging me from behind (doggy) and he is super into it and super close and he goes hard and fast and then cums. I usually O right before or when he does from the increased speed and force and yeah, it's a turn on in and of itself when he cums. But, again...it's not a guy's fault if he has issues with it and I'll work with it. A guy that preferred slow dreamy sex w/no orgasm??? yeah, um, forget it. I like my sex pretty hot and wild. Now morning sex is often slower and dreamy for ME and I am less likely to O then but I still really like it at that time - but that's in addition to the hot and wild sex, not instead of it! LOL Hey, different strokes for dif folks and all that...

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

do ladies get turned on by strong hands and fingers.. Posted: 11/12/2009 1:24:44 PM
OH yeah most definitely! I love strong hands, calloused hands. I love giving my guy a hand massage and getting to touch and caress his hands! :) My ex hub had icky soft hands and never liked them.... I like the way rougher skin feels on my skin. :) I enjoy the sensation from the increased friction!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Should a potential LTR's FAMILY BACKGROUND make a difference? Posted: 11/12/2009 11:27:51 AM
Well, all I can go by is my experience. My ex-hub's mom is a true btch. His dad was a nice guy but he hated his exwife. (They divorced when my exhub was in his 20's). So my exhub grew up watching his dad laugh at and totally disrespect his wife, who was a real btch. Exhub grew up walking on eggshells, trying not to piss off mom, who basically hated anyone who crossed her. She, today still, has a habit of not speakign to various family members if they offend her (which happens easily). She stopped speaking to my exhub for about 3 years when the dad died... I swear to god she was jealous b/c the dad got attention for being dead at his funeral...that's when she found some reason to get mad at my exhub and stopped talking to him. She made peace finally when my daughter was born. So, did it affect him? Yes, totally. It affected how he felt when we argued. And he too has personality problems...not the same as his mom's, but yeah they are there. And it seemed to give him license to disprespect me and laugh at me like his dad did. I gotta say, yeah, LTR's background matters. Not money, but how family members treat one another. And their values, or lack thereof. But...that isn't to say that a person can't overcome their background OR come out of it a better person. In my family, my dad was the eldest child of a depressed alcholic mom. This made my dad to be NOT a risk taker. He's protective, and he tries to not offend people, to be the peacemaker. It's pretty obvious to see how his background affected him. Still, he was and is a great dad and a good husband to my mom. My mom came from a fairly abusive family,w here the kids got beat for little mistakes. Where she felt unwanted and unfavored. My grandmother told her recently that she wishes she had never had kids, taht she never wanted any. What a horrible thing to say to your daughter, right? my mom was like, oh she said stuff like that all the time when we were growing up. As a result, my mom gets her feelings hurt easily, and tries hard all the time to please others. at the same time, she is very critical of me and my sister just like her mom was critical to her (she never beat us or anything and was very loving, just criticized constantly and still does). So she was still a good wife an dmom...and my dad's tendency to not cause waves worked well with her sensitivity. I'm not sure how my background affected me. I think I had a pretty great upbringing actually and 2 great parents that loved me. I think I have good values. And many positives from my parents like the desire to work hard, to be a good person, to think "outside the box" and be anything I want to be. My parents really believed in equal rights for everyone and imparted that POV on to my sister and me. I think that b/c of what I went thru w/my exhub, I tend to look more at a guy's relationship w/his mom than with his dad. A guy that loves his mom and is close to her, well, to me that's awesome and a good sign for how he will treat his wife. But then again if his mom is btchy, it's not exactly his fault, is it? So it's not an easy question to answer, really. perhaps a case by case basis????

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

Do Men Like Hearing There Name Said In Bed Posted: 11/11/2009 7:03:50 PM
I remember one memorable night when my guy was using my name during sex...WOW it really heightened things for me and in fact I posted on it b/c I realized that it wasn't something I had heard much in teh past or that I did. I agree w/the others...it makes things much more intimate, personal... AN dyes if he's not used to you using his name it counts as semi-dirty talk. LOL And that's prolly also why it drove him wild - you lost control so much of yourself that you called out his name!!! Enjoy yourself!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Is sex a chore to him? Posted: 11/11/2009 6:58:55 PM
OPie, there is hope. I have been in this position. I have been with the same guy now on an doff for over a year. And at times he too had trouble finishing. He was able to cum easier via bjs. And at times he had no trouble at all finishing during penetration. he too has had job issues. Stress. Some legal stuff. An dyes the stress affecting things in a big way. his drive as well. But he came out of it on top and things got better. If he has trouble finishing, try taking a 10 min break. For both of you. Then see if he wants to get going again and finish via bj or more sex. OR maybe go to sleep and have sex again in the morning and he will cum then. This guy I'm speaking of, he really "gets off" ha ha on finishing via my mouth. He just plain really likes it. Warm wet mouth, lots of pressure...etc...what's not to like? So, well, that's usually how we would finish. If your guy is still desiring of some sort of sex w/you most of the time, then don't worry about him finding you desirable..enjoy it an dmake the most of it. If he likes bjs, try doing them in different positions. Him laying down, him standing, him sitting, you lay down w/your head on a pillow and let him "fvck" your face (the guy I mentioned LOVES this),e tc.. And yes, use the bj to get him hard...or to finish him off... or both, with penetration in the middle (which is what the guy and I usually did...because I liked the BJ in the beginning and he liked it in the end). As for going down on you, that is a completely , completely different topic. It has NOTHING to do w/him finding you sexy. He might just nto really like going down there. (oh and the last time the guy I mentioned did that to me w/out me asking? I went to his house ina super short skirt, shaved, no panties... and pulled up my skirt and showed him... then when I went and sat down on the sofa, he went over to me and pulled my skirt up and did what he pleased...and this is a guy who very rarely went down on me w/out me asking - so try that if you haven't yet!!!! - esp if it's out of character for you!!! - and a nice variation is to wear this in your car w/him and pull your skirt up and show him while you guys are driving around - see what happens when you get home w/him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Oh lastly, the thing is, if he can get it up w/masturbation or BJs, then it is psychological not physical... that's stress. Masturbation and BJs are a different "feel" than intercourse and likely just plain easier for him. That's something I've heard a lot of guys on POF say. So figure, while he is uber stressed...work with his problem, don't complain about it because that just makes it worse. And I've been w/2 guys now who had trouble finishing...both of them though would be able to finish on the second or third (!) round of sex... like one was fri night, sat morn, sat afternoon- then he'd finally cum (he was quite a bit older than me). So...that's kinda a plus as well if you think about it. And if he can't cum, you can say...well let's stop for now, and maybe later we can have FUN again! :) Then give a sexy smile and chill.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Do relationships go in a straight line anymore? Posted: 11/11/2009 6:35:04 PM
I think the older we get, the less crap we've been thru. The more times we've been disappointed. Therefore as time goes by we get more and more damaged and more and more fearful of trying. I met a great guy a long time back and he wasn't ready to try again. He also didn't see me as "the one". Which is fine, that's his choice and all. The thing is, that it is almost easier for me that he doesn't see me that way. He is very intense and he married his last 2 serious relationships. So for him it's either totally casual or he's in love and wants forever (the first one died, the second one left him, he didn't leave either of them). If he loved me while I loved him, our relationship would be so intense that it scares me. It wouldnt' be any of this lite and playful stuff. I mean, it would be a lot of the time, but he gives his all when he's with someone...and I would want to give him my all as well. I'm just saying...yeah, time and failed relationships screwed me up too. Made me scared of screwing up again. I love this man but if he loved me I'd be scared to death of screwing the relationship up. I know he has this fear as well which is keeping him distant from women. He told me the next serious relationship he has will be with a woman exactly like him - same interests, same hobbies, etc and maybe then it won't fail. Of course I think he's wrong to plan that way...but point being that his failures have scarred him as well. He gave his all to his exwife and it wasn't good enough for her. So whaddya do, I don't know. Keep plugging along is the best I can figure out. Enjoy today with who is in your life and do YOUR best to not screw up. That's partly why I have adopted the idea that part of our role in relationships is to make the other person better. To help to heal him/her. Basically try to undo the mess from the last person. So if he's insecure, give him security. If he needs space then give space. If he needs reassurance that he's manly, reassure him. If he needs touch, give touch, etc... To me, that's something I can do for someone I care about - which obviously I do if I"m dating the person. We might not last forever, but perhaps I can make his life a little bit better while we are together. I don't know, maybe that's bizarre to some people. But I am a nurturer and it feels right to me.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

too fast, too soon! Posted: 11/11/2009 6:23:13 PM
THis is exactly why we don't get married when we are all moony eyed and in bliss. This is why you date for a good while before saying I do. In other words, I don't see whta the big deal is... at first things seemed perfect, then over time your differences emerged. I"[m not going to paint her as a villain. I just see you two as not compatible. You see her as wanting to dump her debt on you. I have debt as well...I would not marry someone to dump it on them. She may or may not want to do this -t his could be your projecting your issues on to her. Same thing w/the BPD...a little info is dangerous in the wrong hands. You could be looking at her behaviors with jaded eyes...interpretting them in the worst possible way. Or maybe she is borderline. Maybe she liked your lake home at first but doesn't anymore. Who knows? It doesn't really matter though. The point is that you aren't happy and don't want to spend your life with her...and sounds to me like you don't ant to continue dating her. That's called breaking up. That's what you do when you realize you aren't compatible with someone, never will be, and are not happy even dating casually. let her down gently... then move on and let her move on (or deal w/her ex or whatever else problems she has). And...before you date again, think about what I said about the BPD thing. Because if you are the one interpretting her behaviors unfairly, you don't want to do that to the next chick that you date. (and FYI I"m not trying to be mean, that's a very natural thing to do after dating someone psycho)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Online Dating v Traditional Methods of Dating Posted: 11/11/2009 6:35:27 AM
I'm gonna yell here... so hold on to your coats... IT"S NOT DATING!!!!!! It's online meeting. That's all. Or online matching. But you aren't dating when you talk to someone online. And that is a really, really important distinction. It's not just semantics. All the internet does is give you another way to meet people. Obviously the advantage is that you meet people that you might not come across otherwise - it's another way to spread your net. Your pool of availables is "all POF users" rather than "people I see in walmart". And you get to check them out w/out them knowing it...you see pics and a description. Disadvantages are also quite obvious... all yous ee is how they choose to present themselves. If you aren't a good writer, you won't have as good of a profile. If you take crappy pictures (or don't understand what makes for a good picture), you won't come across as attractive. And, the flip of that, a good writer makes him/herself sound really good...but you don't read about the personality flaws. Meet in person: you see a whole picture of a person - the forest Meet online: you see bits and pieces that the person chooses to share - the trees shrug it's pretty simple to me. If you meet online, you get the trees, but need a "meet" in person to see the forest as well. But if you first meet in person (like at a bar, library, church,e tc), you only get the forest, and need to date and spend time together to get the trees. I've had success and failure in both... I dated a great guy for 5 months I met here. And I never would have met him if not for POF because he lived 20 min away from me and did not work in my field, nor share my active hobbies. Then again I met a great guy at my local park and we dated for almost a year. He isn't big into the internet so has not gotten on here. He did try another site and his profile sucked. No picture, barely any description. He even emailed me there (not knowing it was me, lol) and I didn't know it was him at first - and ignored his poorly written email. Even though in person, he has awesome communication skills and is a great guy. He just isn't good at online stuff. So...there you go. Neither is perfect, neither sucks. and remember... IT"S NOT ONLINE DATING, it's online MEETING!!!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Foreplay or Actual sex - what is more exciting to you? Posted: 11/10/2009 1:53:56 PM
Eh, it's all the same thing. There is no "foreplay" vs "sex"... it all runs together... there can be play in the middle as well. Sometimes I'm ready when I walk thru the door so there's no play at all and that's fine too. I guess if I had to pick one, I'd say penetration over foreplay... but really to me they are all part of the package and indistinguishable. And I would not take a relationship that was just one over the other. The foreplay can be very very hot and make the penetration exciting. But foreplay w/no sex would just suck.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Looking to move in with my GF but family doesn't agree Posted: 11/10/2009 1:31:16 PM
1. Asap set up a time to introduce all around. 2. don't be in such a rush to live together. Big Daddy is 100% right... 5 months is nothign at all. Give it at least a year...at least. Slow down, cowboy... The world won't end if you keep separate abodes a little bit longer. Gee perhaps your mom is right that it's too soon? I'm guessing mom doesn't dislike the chickie so much as dislike your plans. Thing is, I'm 36. And my mom lives across the country but we are still close. Some of her advice is right on, some of it isn't. Still...she would freak if I was moving in w/a guy after 5 months. And...she'd be right. Whether she had met him or not. Yeah yeah, people do it all the time. That doesn't make it smart. I moved in w/my exhusband after about 7 months. We lived together for another year then married. Honestly? If we hadn't lived together, I don't think I would have married him. It was like, ok, I'm here, let's get on with it (the marriage thing). But really we weren't a good fit and if I had just been dating him I wouldn't have put up with his crap long enough to marry him. It really taught me a lesson. Living together is not the same commitment as marriage, but it is more of a commitment than dating. So you tolerate more crap when you live together. It's like we expect to fight more often or something...or at least accept its happening. Partly because it IS hard to live with another adult. And partly b/c it's not so easy to move out and break up. I just don't think it's a good idea to do it until you have gotten beyond the honeymood phase. But I know, I know, you didn't ask if you should move in with her. You asked about mommy being mad... wel, I guess I think mom is right. Not to dislike the chick, but to be unhappy w/your decision. shrug Sorry can't take your side on this one.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

tips on dirty talk... Posted: 11/10/2009 8:47:31 AM
OMG I can't just let this one slide... And since you have kids, what do you think will be appropriate? Um, what does having kids have to do with having sex? Are you suggesting a women who has born a baby should only "make love" and not have wild kinky crazy fun sex as well??? If so...is that true as well for the man who contributed the sperm? Can you please share your reasoning? And...think carefullyw hat you write. I have 2 kids... But dude, I'm still a WOMAN, not just a mom. When i"m alone with my man, I am no different than a woman who has not had kids. My body feels the same things, wants the same things, as any woman. I can (and do) get down and dirty as much as I want to... If I want to feel a bit slutty as I tell him how good his c0ck feels sliding into me... I will. If I want to scream as I orgasm, then I will. Gimme that big c0ck, baby...give it to me now... Oh I forgot a real line that slipped out of me awhile back "OMG You are going to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!" This came right after I kept orgasming....(which he could tell of course so he understood what my words meant). He smiled a very satisfied smile. The best dirty talk is the talk that is natural and allows you to express what you are feeling inside...

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

What's this I see, he says suspiciously ... Posted: 11/10/2009 8:39:53 AM
I can't stand the ads for tooth whiteners...they are gross. As for the rest, eh, I'm with the over saturated crowd. I tune them out. Yeah I'd rather look at some well built guy. Not a body builder tho - those ads are gross. I see weight loss ads and again, so used to them I ignore them. Internet advertising is stupid. I suspect in another 5 years it will have gotten a bit better to the point where we are actually tempted to click. As it is now, they are so poorly done most of us wouldn't be caught dead clicking on them. Plus, I usually assume they will put a virus on my computer or take me to some fake site that will inundate me with popups... They don't have any legitimacy (I don't think that's quite the right word...but can't think of the word at hte moment) As for skinny models...I truly believe the tide is turning and we are starting to appreciate curves again. Unfortunately, the advertising industry and modeling industry hasn't figured that out yet. We'll see... With the US population aging (baby boomers getting older), there should be a cascading effect on advertising and what we see as beauty... Fewer 16 year old skinny ass models and more 40 year old curvy models. One can hope, anyway...

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 80 (view)

Male Butt Posted: 11/9/2009 7:54:39 PM
Me too Barbyanne... I will notice as well... Yes, I stare.... And at work it was so easy just to kinda glance at the rear as they'd walk in front of me... LOL They always wondered why I walked behind them... (Just kidding, no one noticed) And Whytwater... I've tried...everything I can think of. He admits his drive is low, says it's not me,t hinks he's depressed. I even told him I wantedto go nonexclusive out of frustration and he was "ok" with it... If he drinks he gets horny as hell...otherwise? I can't tellw hat's in his head but usually he's "too tired". UGH (now when he was drunk earlier this week and we were at a bar he couldn't keep his hands off of me... putting them up my skirt, up my shirt (not very far on either, but WAY out of character for him)...etc. So I do think he is attracted to me at least. And yeah he wanted sex when we got home... UGH...I'm just not used to guys w/very little drive anymore)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 76 (view)

Male Butt Posted: 11/9/2009 6:10:24 PM
RIcky thanks for the info... lol I agree on the football remark....dang I love me some college football. Love them Hokies and checking out their nice asses! :) I love the feel of a guy's buttcheeks in my hands when we have sex and I can feel the muscles flexing!!! :) Have only managed this w/one guy I think who had a short enough torso for me to reach his ass enough to grab w/two hands...it was fun though! My bf was over today and I was thinking of this thread...and kept grabbing his very nice round ass that was in jeans... (yes, IN jeans, not out unfort...dang boy has no freakin' sex drive!)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 115 (view)

Is porn ruining real live sex? Posted: 11/9/2009 5:58:05 PM
Arwen, I think the chafing is from shaved but starting to grow back... like a man who needs to shave but hasn't yet. If it is all in or all out (like w/a beard) it shouldn't chafe. Of course I"m hetero and female so only guessing.... And Ron Jeremy is alive and kicking last I saw. Interestingly (sorta?) my old boyfriend's ex-wife has pictures of her at a party not far from here where is she posing next to ron jeremy. LOL Go figure, esp b/c while she enjoys looking sexy, she is not known to have a sex drive or much enjoy it. (and my old boyfriend is dang good at it!) (this was after their marriage had ended) He looks to be around 50...overweight... pretty unattractive. I'm just going by the pics though. I don't actually know his age. Oh and someone said why would a guy pull out at the moment of orgasm? Well, same old boyfriend much enjoyed pulling out of my mouth to cum on my face. :) Why, well, it turned him on of course. But why did it turn him on? I don't know exactly. I think we both liked feeling a bit extra naughty...a bit dirty. Plus it's a dominating thing. and he liked the way I looked. LOL

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

Your two cents worth...... Posted: 11/9/2009 5:22:17 PM
LOL Thanks for posting the whole quote... Here's what's funny, I have that quote (in a little square as a .jpg) on my old myspace page... Well... I'm no hypocrite then because I agreed with it before and still do. I'm not an easy person to accept sometimes but I want to be with someone who can accept my faults as well as like my strengths. And...we ALL have faults. In fact, quite often our strength and faults are the same, depending on your point of view. I love intensely...but also get intensely angry (luckily I get over being angry very quickly). I am loyal...but also stubborn. Etc... You get someone who is very emotional, which again, is good and bad...Wonderfully loving, but also angry and cold. Or someone who is very much emotionally stable. Great, he never gets angry...but he also never shows great happiness. You lose what you gain, and gain what you lose. I am great for resolving conflicts - I talk things out, dont' scream and act irrational (ok, unless it's around my exhub)....but the flip side is I analyze everything and like to talk about feelings. So what do you want, someone who overanalyzes constantly but is great for talking thru problems, or someone who has no depth to analyze, but also has no personal insight into their problems? Both have pros and cons. So I still like the quote... if you want my best, you gotta accept my worst too... And I"m totally staying otu of the Marilyn Monroe argument. I too know very little about her and have no interest in learning more. And...even if her quote was actually from her, and even if that it made sense was pure dumb luck, I still like it.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

moving in together after being single for a decade or more Posted: 11/9/2009 5:11:03 PM
Your fear is normal... To be expected. So accept your fear but do not let it stand in your way. daughter You recognize the potential problems (set in your ways, arguing, etc) so that will help you to be sensitive to those problems cropping up and allow you to fix them right away. To be sensitive to feelings associated with sharing space. And...remember it's not like you've lived alone for the last 12 years. You've lived with your daughter as well. So you DO know how to share space with someone you l0ve. OF course a man is different, but still...you have done it successfully. PUt the fear aside. You've acknowledged it, and that's enough. Now let yourself be excited and ENJOY the experience. Have fun, make this an adventure! Buy some fun little decorations that you two choose together. make the place "ours" not his or hers. Think of all the wonderfulness that you'll get from being in the same house every night. Sharing a bed nightly, waking up to each other. Shared SHOWERS and BATHs and meals by candlelight! Esp w/no kids in the house!!!! :) I think you are lucky!!!!! (and I am seperated 2 years after 12 years of marriage so I too fear living with someone...but I wish I had Mr. Right to risk it with!!!)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

feeling slutty, good? Posted: 11/8/2009 8:44:28 PM
Um, btw, when you talk about women in clubs... Please folk, distinguish b/t strip joints w/women stripping for money and normal "clubs" or "bars" where men and women go to have fun, dance, drink, etc... Strip joints - those women are not doing it for pleasure or because they like you. They hug the pole for tips. Clubs and bars...totally different scenario. I enjoy being looked at when I dress a little slutty. Yes, it turns me on. It's fun. I don't dress that way to go to Walmart though. Ok in a bar, not ok at the grocery. It's a "look"... Oh, or going to a boyfriend's house, or a party...those are other fun places it's fun to dress a little slutty. (or his work, if he works in a place where you can get away with pushing the boundaries, but that's rare). Sometimes when I go out to a bar, I want to feel ALL female. I don't want to be looked at for my brain, or my organization skills, or my parenting skills. I just want to feel and not think. I want to know myself as a sexual being and part of that comes from being admired by males. Then I will go home to my boyfriend and let it all loose! :) Does that sorta make sense?

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

tips on dirty talk... Posted: 11/8/2009 8:34:47 PM
Just try to let yourself make whatever noises are in you... let yourself be noisy. Start there. Don't break into song when you've been silent, know what I mean? After you have gotten comfortable w/expressing yourself via whatever noises come out of your mouth...then work on sharing whatever words are in your mind. Oh god...that feels good! Oh baby! Harder, harder, faster, faster, etc. And also take cues from him... like my ex bf would say stuff like "do you like that big fat c0ck?" so I'd say "I like your big fat c0ck in me". Incidentally he wasn't "big and fat" but he had a thing about wanting to be. LOL (it was perfect the way it was.) or more general "Oh god you turn me on..." "Oh god that feels so good, don't stop" (yeah i'm very blasphemous, sorry) Also if there's somethign you really want to try that doesn't come naturally, try rehearsing it in your mind ahead of time...that can help. I wanted to, well, basically take off my clothes and attack my bf one time even though I wasn't usually quite that forward. And I knew a big turn on for him was being "wanted". So I rehearsed it in my mind. Then when I went over to his house I did itI walked in and we greeted each other then I said "Enough talk, I want you now, let's get nekkid" and I started taking of my clothes. LOL His eyes got wide and he got busy, let me tell you! It was very worth it pushing myself just a little bit out of my comfort zone. :) Have fun!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 61 (view)

Male Butt Posted: 11/8/2009 8:25:58 PM
FOr me.... It's gotta be Grabbable. That's it. My 1 expectation for a nice ass on a guy. I love grabbing a guy's ass... during sex is nice althoughsometimes it's hard to reach. Or when it's in a pair of jeans. Or bare. Don't care if there's hair on it... please don't bother shaving it. Just don't give me a flat ass, ok? My ex -hub had a flat ass and I hated it. Mmmmm but a hard round firm ass? Oh baby...I'm all over it!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Your two cents worth...... Posted: 11/8/2009 8:02:59 PM
I think the idea again is accepting all of me. But it's not about deserving. It's about "fitting". It's easy to like someone at their best... hell all of us are pretty good at our best. But at our worst? Come on, we all havebad days. And will you still like me on my bad days? Will you still love me when I come home from work whining and b*tching about my day at work? Will you still love me when I fall into a down mood...and I feel bad about myself and need you to hold me up? I would reword it, I think. It's easy to love me at my best, but if you can love me at my worst then you're a keeper! If you can love me at my worst then I know you'll love me at my best. I need you to love me at my worst, not just at my best. Etc... Never about deserving though. About accepting. And yes, I do like that quote if you modify it a bit, because it is what I seek. I want someone who can love ALL of me, even the secret dark parts... I want someone who I feel confident can grow with me and will still love me when I'm "old and grey", not just while I"m "young and perky". A ltr or marriage takes more than fun dates, or hot sex. Relationships don't make it if they can't weather the downs, not just enjoy the ups. I think any of us who have been thru a divorce already know this...and probably agree with me, at least partially...because we know how hard it is to make it day in, day out, with someone else. And, fwiw, I don't look down on anyone who can't take ME at my worst... That's their prerogative. I don't pretend to be easy or perfect. I try to be the best me I can be, but let's face it, that's never going to be perfect. I"m always going to be a bit high strung, over analytic, wanting to talk about feelings all the time, always going to have down days sometimes, etc.... So yeah... I want someone who wants me when I'm not as much fun as well as when I'm flirty and teasing...

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Sex...Hurts? Posted: 11/7/2009 7:51:42 AM
So you are still with this boyfriend? For some reason I thought he was from teh past. Oops! Yeah it really could be where your cervix is... if it is just 2 inches down and the midwife said your vagina was shallow. Also esp if different positions feel different. Get a buttplug. Seriously. I think the one I got was like "my first buttplug" for beginners. LOL it is small and soft, no vibrator or anything. But it will "adjust" your vagina a little so it is tilted differently. I'm betting it was under $15 and perhaps under $10, a cheap investment to try. THis might be TMI..lol but I checked mine and right now (and I'm on the pill), I can't reach mine. It's way more than 2 inches back. Wait, I tried again (LOL) yeah it's in there....but waaay back. Any other ladies willing to check? LOL So hmmm...could just be where your cervix is and you need to keep him angled so he isn't hitting it. What about reverse cowgirl? That might help?? Try the plug... ETA: decided to google cervix position and found this: 3.Don’t check your cervical position during or after sex. Your cervix actually moves around according to your level of sexual arousal, regardless of ovulation. Thought that was interesting...so could more foreplay help things as well w/your bf??? (the article was about checking it for fertility purposes which is why I used to do it)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Sleep (yes, just sleep) with someone and your souls touch Posted: 11/7/2009 7:36:54 AM
Good point on the pheremones... more than 1 force at work I suppose. It's amazing just how little we don't know or understand about ourselves. And there are many cultures where kids sleep together in one bed. Or sleep with their parents. It's interesting to me that my kids love sharing a room, and love sleeping together. They've slept together the past 3 nights and have slept great. Of course they woke up bickering.... but still. Last night my big dog Belle slept beside me, with her head by mine and feet by my feet. LOL Taking up the "man's" spot. Rosie moved around thruought the night, first by my feet (she likes to sleep w/her head on my feet) and eventuallythis morning by my back or chest. Also I remember when my marriage was fallign apart and I was begging my ex to sleep in our bed rather than on the couch. The couch wasn't to get away from me. He found it comfy and it meant he didn't have to bother w/the stairs. Still...it was a sign of how little he was willing to do to work on "us", esp when he knew I felt it was important for our bonding. And now he's alone 24/7 except when he visits the kids...so there you go, he doesn't have to put up with me wanting to sleep w/him anymore. LOL (and I cant' stand him now...I can't even stand to be in the same room with him awake)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Sleep (yes, just sleep) with someone and your souls touch Posted: 11/6/2009 8:20:06 PM
Hmmm I don't know, I like rubbing my feet against his sometimes! :) Esp if his are warm and mine aren't. Although I guess that isn't soles to soles, but soles to tops?? LOL

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Sleep (yes, just sleep) with someone and your souls touch Posted: 11/6/2009 8:13:59 PM
Eden, i don't know. I do know there are a lot of POFfers who agree with you - that can't sleep w/pets in bed (or won't allow it). I guess I've done it all my life so am used to it. I either move around them or shove them over if they get in the way. When it was my cat, as soon as I moved to turn over, she would get up and move to the other side of me (so as to stay on chest side). When I was a teen and had a cat, she'd sleep at the foot of the bed until I was good and settled (often asleep) and then she'd settle in b/t my legs for the rest of the night. LOL Most of the time though I"m not even aware they are there until I wake up in the morning. We move thru the night in sync, somehow.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

feeling slutty, good? Posted: 11/6/2009 8:10:25 PM
Well... I do. Does that count? Do you think I wear short short skirts and thigh high socks and tight shirts because they are comfy when I go out? (I did this earlier this week, to surprise my bf who was hanging out at a bar w/some buds... his friends saw me first and commented on how they enjoyed the view, "would do her" etc... he glanced at the back view of me as I walked by and said uh huh she's' cute and went back to what he was talking about...then he looked up again as I walked back into the room and was like "Hey, that's Kaylie...that's MY GIRLFRIEND!". LOL It was awesome.... He thought it was a riot that his friends thought I was hot and...of course it turned him on a little. And yes, he liked me looking a little slutty...and I liked looking a little slutty...and I liked that he couldn't keep his hands off of me.... It's all good!)

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Sleep (yes, just sleep) with someone and your souls touch Posted: 11/6/2009 6:57:47 PM
Ok, if you don't believe in souls, substitute whatever word fits the closest for you... And all references to sleeping mean just that - SLEEPING, not sex. I was thinking about an ex boyfriend and how we seemed to bond when we slept together, bodies wrapped around each other. And it seems to me, that when we sleep cuddled up with someone, be it a partner, parent, child, or stranger, our souls "touch". I know that sounds all new-agey and honestly I"m not really new agey. But I don't know how else to put it. It is like a bonding as we sleep. So as I pondered this more, I thought about the difference in sleeping with a man that I loved, versus sleepign with a new boyfriend - or worse, a one night stand. I once hooked up with a guy that was a one night stand (I know, I'm awful, forgive me) and afterwards felt like I had to allow him to spend the night sleeping there...but I wanted him out. I didn't feel comfortable allowing him the intimacy of sleeping by me, even though we had had sex. It's like I didn't want the soul touchiing with a stranger. And it also has seemed to me that when I have slept with boyfriends we have bonded and had better relationships than with boyfriends I didn't sleep with, regardless of the sex life or length of relationship. It's like the sleeping together enhanced our bond, made it stronger. OR maybe I only wanted to sleep with the ones I was closest to? Consider this: When I was married, a number of times I would wake just as my exhusband was having a nightmare...I'd wake and he'd start hyperventilating. I'd awaken him and relieve him from the bad dream. And one time we actually co-dreamed - we dreamed the same thing at the same time, then woke up. Also a number of times we'd spontaneously wake up midway thru the night, wide awake all of a sudden, and horny as crap. Seriously, that was the only good sex in our marriage, those times. Cosleeping with babies has found that the parents breathing rhythms help to keep the baby's breathing rhythm regular. Some think it actually reduces SIDS because it regulates the baby's nervous system better so the baby doesn't stop breathing. (this is completely different from the issue of drunk parents rolling on a baby (and fyi nondrunk parents don't do this)) So what do you think? What has your experience been with sleeping next to someone else? Do you think your souls touch? Or whatever else you want to call it that enhances your bond? Or makes you not want to sleep next to a stranger because you don't want that intimacy? Or do you not feel this way about sleeping next to someone else? What about pets? Stop laughing, I'm serious. I wake up most mornings to my doggy curled up against my back and it's SO hard to get up b/c she's so warm and snuggly. And when I was still married my cat (which he has now) slept curled up against my chest all night long...I never rolled on my cat, or my babies, and don't roll on my dog...how is it that I sense them in my sleep? I"m just wondering if there really is something that goes on during the mere act of sleeping against or near another person (or pet). Maybe as new agey as souls touching.... Or maybe more biophysical as breathing systems working together, and going thru sleep cycles together. But still? Really? Like how does that happen and why? Kaylie...sleeping with no man tonight...but prolly 2 puppy dogs since it's chilly tonight!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

Do you prefer to be on top or bottom Posted: 11/6/2009 6:33:22 PM
Wow...for once I agree w/S to the B. I like to start on top and end w/doggy style. :) Well, actually I like to start on top so I get off a few easy O's... then do 2-3 more positions before we are done...I"m not so picky as to which ones. LOL I would not be happy only picking 1 though...that's WAY boring!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Sex...Hurts? Posted: 11/6/2009 6:31:30 PM
1. Don't ever go back to a dr that blows off your concerns or tells you you are overreacting. 2. Just a pap isn't enough. Make sure you were checked for STIs. Ok, if it's not a health problem.... 1. You can keep a guy shallow by having him on top and you bending your legs straight up at the hip, then again at the knees...that way your knees are between you and him, thus keeping him from getting in too tight. An old bf of mine liked it shallow so he would put my legs like that thus letting him thrust away but staying shallow. If that helps, then yeah you knwo it's length. 2. It's not necessarily bottoming out, yoru cervix moves during your menstrual cycle... and not every woman's cervix is in the same spot anyway. When you are sitting at the toilet after a shower (or whenever), slide a finger inside you and see where your cervix is...is it on the front of your vagina or back? Far back or not so far back? This was somethign I learned back when I was trying to conceive...checking cervix position was part of determining when I was ovulating. and sure enough, when I ovulated, I would hit the cervix right away w/my finger but when I wasn;t ovulating it was further back inside. So with a little experimentation you might be able to figure out what the heck your cervix is doing during your cycle. Which might help you to better figure out why sex is hurting in certain positions. 3. Lastly, this might sound weird, but if you have this problem w/a future partner an dit's not a health issue, you can try a butt plug. Yes, for your butt. LOL I got a small one just to see what it was like and happened to try it for the first time w/a rather large guy...that is, largely endowed guy. I discovered that doggy style w/him hurt, but not when I had the plug in. SOmehow, the butt plug "shifted" my vagina a bit so that when he penetrated my vagina he didn't hit my cervix. Go figure, huh? Since then talking to another guy I learned his girlfriend had the same experience - the plug shifted things so positions didn't hurt (i.e. didn't hit the cervix). 4. And one thing more...yes it hurts when a guy has hit my cervix. but it didn't cause cramping. That alone makes me wonder if you really have another problem. I just don't know enough about the topic though. But sex SHOULD NOT hurt. And if a gyn blows off your concerns, find another!

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Is porn ruining real live sex? Posted: 11/5/2009 7:54:45 PM
Not for me! Porn has not ruined sex for me and has made it more fun in some instances... And fyi it is not designed to be sex ed and that's a stupid reason to attack it. Blame parents or schools for being too uptight to teach about sex first if u want to. And as a parent to 6 and 8 year olds, I am already slowly teaching healthy body habits (about privacy etc) and about dating love marriage procreation and sex. And I fully expect my kids to be knowledgeable and ready and have healhy attitudes when the time comes -and not need to watch porn to learn. The key is teaching at age appropriate levels the beliefs u want them to have. My daughter who is 8 already asks me when I'm going to remarry (not for a long time). And if I kiss my bf (yes). And I explain that kissing is a way to show affection when dating someonme bc u like them. Oh and back to porn... My ex bf liked it and we both found something that turned us on by watching porn together. So I say its a good thing and a way to discover things u like that you didn't realize ahead of time. I'd rather watch it the first time to see if I like it than just try it. Lol

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR? Posted: 11/4/2009 6:29:45 AM
Not me, I'm not one of them.... I'll not marry again! If I fall into a great LTR and he wants to marry, I'll consider a non-legal ceremony. But I do not wan tthe law to tell me I can't stop being married to someone should the need arise. UGH!! Once bitten, twice shy. And I would be just fine w/out the non legal ceremony as well. Committment, yes, that'd I'd like, eventually.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

What is it with men & sexually liberated women Posted: 11/3/2009 3:39:00 PM
1 partner terrified of me cheating on him. None others. I was the same person in all cases. His fear was a direct result of his cheating ex-wife. Nothing to do with how sexually liberated I was. Fail. Next question.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 45 (view)

Sex Frequency compatability question Posted: 11/2/2009 5:09:29 PM
"So my solution was to go nonexclusive." So did it work? Did he say goodie-goodie and jump for joy? Perhaps working overtime to buy that diamond DOES make tired, but you handled it well. And the word 'nonexclusive' sounds so much better than 'I need another d!ck to fvck my pvssy'. So much more civilized. But it's the same thing. Wolf... Did it occur to you that maybe I was hoping he'd say "I don't want to be nonexclusive, let's work on our relationship"?? Because I was. Instead he shrugged and said nothing. and when I asked him how he felt he said it didn't matter how he felt. And a couple days later he spent the night... and I fondled him and got him hard and asked if he had anything I could suck on. He made a joke. I pushed the question again. He said he didn't. So we went to sleep, chastely, once again. Tell me, what would you do? If your girlfriend treated you like a buddy, never ever complimented you or said she liked you or found you or your body attractive, and rarely wanted to have sex unless she was drunk? He claimed it wasn't me...but how could it not? I figured it beat breaking up altogether and might actually get him to start thinking about the problem. That it would spurn his ass into action one way or the other. And...no he's not earning money for a diamond. We've only been dating 2.5 months! And yes, you are right. Nonexclusive sounds better than saying I need to get fvcked or I'm going to go insane!!! But yes, that's what I was saying to him. I don't need another...his works quite well. He just refuses to use it. And, incidentally, the idea of being nonexclusive is not new to him. He had that with his ex-fiancee when she moved out of state. She got to be with another woman, as did he. And he jumped on that boat immediately - like as many fwbs as he could find (like 3) and he started looking within a week. So don't go thinking he's some saint, he's not.

kayliecat

Joined: 12/8/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Orgasm Help Posted: 11/2/2009 4:54:37 PM
Well, without asking you to be really graphic, can you give us some idea of wha tyou currently do? i.e. toys, fantasizing, etc? Easy suggestion is go to an adult store and see what's on the shelves that makes you curious. Sometimes it beats buying toys online. And... for me, masturbation gets boring when my fantasies are boring. In other words, it's the mental part that's letting me down, not the vibrating part. So...indulging in some erotica might help you discover new things that float ur boat and fuel fantasies. I like Ellora's Cave Publishing. They have some really good erotica books. I like Jaid Black and Shayla Black as authors (don't think they are related, just a coincidence really). Also there is free erotica all over the internet. Quality greatly varies of course. And there is nothign wrong with taking a break.

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