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Thread: First date rules

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

First date rules Posted: 1/26/2009 4:04:46 AM
I think most posters if not all have missed something pretty significant. Most have pointed to the likely insecurity that would cause the friend to come along. Just think about insecurity for a second. Where does it come from? Most of the time it is from painful previous breakups. It is indeed even a totally understandable reaction. Would you actually want an eventual relationship with someone who did NOT have some sort of painful reaction? Imagine someone who said something like...Yeah , I found out he/she was cheating after years of us being together but hey ho its no bother, I'm just looking for someone new. Wouldn't you wonder if that person was actually capable of feeling anything? Such as liking you if things go well? If you demonstrate that you have the understanding and compassion to deal with your date's past... then that is almost certainly a quality they will like in you. We ALL have pasts, they shape who and what we are, and understanding each other's pasts is essential to having any kind of successful relationship. So to return to the concerns of the OP, yes, she may very well be insecure. Yes, bringing a friend along IS going to make it awkward. Its obviously something she feels she needs to do. Do you wanna be understanding or not? Face the facts. Why is anybody on plenty of fish? Either they are simply trolling or they have had failed relationships and are looking to rebuild with someone new. If you want another troll ....well maybe taking a friend isn't a date you wanna go on. If you want someone who is genuine and capable of experiencing feelings about you...well its worth exploring at least. You could even turn it into a talking point. Have the balls to ask her...I have to admit, I am curious why you felt the need to bring a friend along - after all this is a very public place. After all the golden rule of first dates is simply to keep the conversation going while you get to know each other, and the best way in the world of doing that is to ask questions....and preferably "open" questions (which is to say questions that cannot be answered simply by 'yes' or 'no'.) You have a perfect question to ask, and if you do so sensitively it will demonstrate that you care.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 753 (view)

Sex with minors Posted: 2/11/2008 4:33:51 PM
i have kept in touch with this thread for a long while. You know what I notice? There are VERY ew contributions from girls in the age group being discussed. Those there are simply say that they feel able to make their own decisions. There are so many from parents who feel they know best for their child. This statement that a child at 16 or 17 doesnt have the maturity to make decisions about sex and relationships is actually a very poor reflection on those parents. Either they actually do have that maturity and you dont know it or you have done an appalling job of parenting.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

is this to old? Posted: 1/30/2008 12:05:12 PM
OP... first off....many have stated the need for birth control. Is she on it or not? That is priority#1 right now. Sounds like short of imprisoning the daughter, there's not a lot that can be realistically done to stop it. You never know, it might actually work. Either it will and everyone will be happy - or it won't and the child wil learn more effectively than any lesson the parents might try to bring to bear. As long as birth control is there, given that it is already going on, its best to let it continue. The alternative is to get heavy - and watch them elope - where the child has NO support or advice. And for those who have a problem in principle with age difference, the point is that you have to come up with a pragmatic and realistic approach for the situation NOW, not as you think it should have been. She should have understood through good sexual education that this is a bad idea - but the time for that is long gone - horse bolted and stable door stuff.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 659 (view)

Sex with minors Posted: 1/30/2008 10:55:15 AM
Oh yes it IS up to the adult. However, the adult cannot really exercise realistic control if he or she has rose tinted ideas about their daughter. Control is much more likely to be effective if it revolves around involving the child rather than imposing on her. Lets face it, kids of that age WILL do what they want somehow if they are determined enough. You can't have a straight talk about the dangers of early sex if you cannot accept the possibility that early sex might happen.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 656 (view)

Sex with minors Posted: 1/30/2008 6:58:08 AM
well as is obvious from 27 pages this is a highly EMOTIVE subject. RATIONALITY has gone out of the window. If you have a teen daughter, fact is that she gets horny. You might not like that. You might have brought her up so she knows how to deal with it properly. It doesn't stop it. Societal stereotyping doesn't help either. If a 16 year old boy is caught having sex with a 16 year old girl, the boys father has more than a touch of 'thats my boy' about it all and the girl's is horrified. If an 18 year old male has had 20 partners, no one thinks much of it. If an 18 year old female has, she is a slut. Errrrrrrr hang on, don't the males need females to have sex with? A friend of mine has a 15 year old step daughter. One evening she had a 15 year old friend over for a sleepover. The following morning he was taking a shower, and the friend burst in naked with him.. He had the good sense to refuse her - but the fact is that this sort of thing DOES happen, and its NOT all about predatory men being after young girls in a sick way. Chances are that your little teen girl angel actually is no angel. Parents are the worst at seeing their child grow up because they don't want to accept it. I met my 12 year old female cousin the other day for the first time in about five years. Now I KNOW she is 12 - but the fact is that to look at her - and indeed to see how she behaves - she could easily be mistaken for 20. She got as flirty as one as well. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing. Her mother just can't see that. Don't get me wrong here - I am NOT endorsing sex with minors. I simply wish that many folks out there could just simply get that its not all about their not so innocent daughter being corrupted.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

A White Flag In The Battle Of The Sexes Posted: 1/30/2008 4:13:19 AM
those who bash....in many cases its anger that they need to get out somehow. If he got it out in real life then that person would be stuck with it. In here, we all have the choice to stop reading at any time or close the window or not read the forums at all if we can't deal. As to how strong some posts get, yes, sometimes they can be unsympathetic replies to complex issues. Yet you have to ask just who is making them so complex. So often the person right in the middle of it cannot see things clearly or objectively because they are too close to things - can't see wood for trees. In other words, they make a situation that is really quite simple into a complex one for themselves. There is another fact of forum relity that posters need to face. Any kind of forum is not just a sympathy and support centre. If you ask for opinions you are gonna get them - and you have no right at all to complain if they aren't all versions of 'you poor thing' or 'you are perfectly right' or..'I agree'. And you know, some of the strongest and bluntest posts are often the best way to respond. Its NOT always uncaring and selfish....ever heard of tough love?

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Need some advice! Posted: 1/30/2008 4:04:03 AM
I don't think that anyone thought YOU were a cheater - just that he is. The problem always is in thses kinds of scenarios....its not just about what you are or what you will allow to happen, its what will go on in the heads of others who are involved. Face it, you are determined to just be a friend. He says that you are the reason he is questioning his marriage. Don't think he wants just friendship somehow. If you see him, you give him hope in that. Then what if he actually does split up, using you as the reason. If you guys don't get together after, just how guilty is that gonna make you feel? I would send him one email saying something like..... Yes, I'd like to be friends - JUST friends - and as your friend I tell you that I will NOT be the reason for you splitting your marriage. If you want to make your own decision to do that that is up to you and nothing to do with me. If you are that unhappy with your wife, only you can know whether you want to work on it or split it - but DON'T think that life would be so much better with me - because split or not, I don't want anything more than friendship from you and you have to face that. There IS no glorious life with me to walk into. I'd bet that for him its a simple case that the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence. You are a lot better than his piece of green stuff. Even if he does split, and even if you do want to get back with him, you'd be much better off as friends for a while so that he can get over it and you can be sure you aren't just his rebound girl.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

high maintenance.....where did it go?? Posted: 1/29/2008 4:10:42 PM
yeah I hear you - and sabotaging it would be the stupidest thing I could do. however, like i said...I AM getting used to it

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

high maintenance.....where did it go?? Posted: 1/29/2008 12:01:03 PM
edge... I read your profile....have to say that while you are amazingly honest, you cut down the amount of women who are gonna be interested in replying. Yes, it is nice to find someone who shares your interests - however, it can be equally stimulating to find other things to do together. Lets face it, not many really understand the goth culture or vampirism, and these kinds of things will scare off many when in fact, as we both know, there is little to be scared about. Some of these things should be explained gently over time in a way which shows they are non threatening. If you aren't prepared to make that effort.... maybe you should not be too surprised that Miss Wonderful hasn't come knocking yet.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Ask before Kink? Posted: 1/29/2008 11:53:23 AM
I have to admit I am surprised - and pleased - that there aren't loads of replies defending casual sex in response to my reply.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

How do you discipline an abused child? Posted: 1/29/2008 11:47:14 AM
Canoe Girl... I agree with all of what you said about the value of real friendship. Just bear in mind that if helping her breaks you, you won't be able to help anyone - just make sure you stay in one piece here too. As far as the martial arts thing goes here, I can understand your personal feelings over it well - but surely the bottom line is what is in the best interests of this very sadly abused child? You could research the various courses yourself to ensure there is the right degree of self discipline taught - or you could go one stage further. enroll on the course yourself and offer to take the child with you in order to give her poor mother a much needed break for an hour or two. That way you too would have nothing to fear should you ever be attacked again.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

finding it hard to find someone on here Posted: 1/29/2008 7:54:28 AM
I can't see anything wrong with your profile either - except the age which now says 18-99. just get rid of any age qualification. I note you said that you have message "a few" people. I wonder if the true problem here is your messaging technique. One poster recommended complimenting on HER profile. Its great advice. I would go further SHOW interest in her profile. ASK questions. In short, demonstrate that you have taken the trouble to read it and give them something to write back about. Messages which say...HI, we live close, fancy a drink or similar will never get anywhere. Try something like this.... Hi, I read your profile (shows interest)and have to admit that I admire your honesty.(a compliment) I also see that you are into ice skating (insert alternative pursuit here lol). Do you go to the local rink? (ask question and gives the chance in another mail to ask if she fancies doing it together sometime)I had a great time learning it, but am not that good at it (shows honesty, admits not perfect). About me, well I work shifts which does make meeting people a bit difficult and this is why I am on the site (being right upfront and making sure that you get replies only from those prepared to work round something about your life you can't alter). I really am NOT into anything casual in the relationship line (always a good thing to say) but having said that I would also like to make friends with people in similar situations as me or with similar interests as me as I see on your profile you have (basically says that you happy to let things take their time and again shows interest) Good friends are a real bonus to anyone's life and in any case I would like to think that any future partner in my life is also my best friend (shows aspirations, that you've thought about what you want and are after a lot more than a quick shag). If you'd like to take this further do email me or feel free to add me to your msn messenger - my email address is johnsmith@abc.co.uk.(chatting in messenger has the great advantage of not needing to be logged into this site all the time plus you can then use webcams and have some idea that the person you are talking to really is the age she claims to be for example) I look forward to hearing from you John Don't send roses etc early on - it looks way too desperate. Come across that you have definite ideas as to what YOU want from a future relationship - and always remember that a woman wants a man to be interested in her personally - rather than giving the appearance that anything in a skirt who is interested in you will do. Hope this helps.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Magick Posted: 1/29/2008 6:53:52 AM
Magick is a HUGE thing. As Douglas Adams once put it, its mind bogglingly big. The key thing for me is this. If you can stand out on a starry night...look upwards into the universe...and KNOW that you are a part of all of it and all of it is a part of you. Its all ONE thing. Everything comes from that. Energy is in everything, and we can you it because it is therefore part of us. All we have to do is learn how to get in touch with it. The Universe is a living entity all of its own as well. We are the cells of its body. We have some control over our own actions, but the body also has things it needs its cells to do, and we do get guided along the path necessary, often getting rewards when we return to the path after straying. The other thing I feel is vitally important is this. Knowing HOW to make things happen by will (call that casting a spell if you prfer) is a very different thing from understanding whether to do so is a good idea. Personally I find that one of the greatest ironies of it is that the more you learn how to do, the more you appreciate that doing it would be unwise most of the time. Here's an example. Your beloved and elderly mother gets few pleasures in life, but one of the greatest is her garden. Its dying because there is no rain. If you could make it rain and put a smile on her face, would you? Seems like a great idea on the surface, but the fact is that,just as a small stone cast in a pond makes huge ripples, so would this. To mess with the weather could easily cause droughts in Ethiopia or floods in New Orleans. the other piece of advice I would offer to anyone practising out there is quite simply...be very careful and very specific in what you wish for. I know a man who cast a spell to make his wife more horny. She was....with just about every man -and woman - for miles around except him.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Does giving birth mean nothing these days? Posted: 1/29/2008 6:23:49 AM
Jenny, there is a fact you had better accept about the police here in the UK. They are severely under manned.. The procedural requirements on them are such that the paperwork for a case takes longer than the arrest and investigation. Many coppers reckon 60% or over of their time is doing admin. In your case, the police will know that the kids are with a parent. They aren't missing, being abused, raped, stealing stuff or whatever. They haven't the manpower to effectively cover the severe problems never mind yours. No, of course its not ideal. Yes they should have been able to deal with your case. Fact is with the current system they aren't. Sometimes applying the right sort of pressure works. Here's an example. A friend of mine looked out of his window in the early hours and spotted thieves stealing his lawnmower out of his garage. He rung the police who said that they had no manpower to come and catch them. He said...OK, I'll just go and shoot them with my 12 bore and hung up. 30 seconds later cars appeared from all over the place and even a helicopter turned up. When the police eventually said....but you have no gun....he said...and you said you have no officers either - now go arrest them.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

How do you discipline an abused child? Posted: 1/29/2008 6:09:53 AM
I would look harder at the martial arts option. You see...most martial arts training starts with discipline. Techniques of HOW to do it are never taught till the teacher is ure the pupil knows WHEN or rather WHEN NOT to use them. Many martial arts are about calming the mind and some go so far as to teach meditative techniques, all of which would be good things. Psychologically it would be good too. Think about it. WHY is this child so pushy and aggressive and so concerned with being in control? Because all the abuse took away all of her control and the thing she is most scared about is losing it. Parental rules and discipline are parental control. Control scares the living daylights out of her and understandably so. Martial arts will give her the ability to KNOW she can keep control of any risky situation. Same with the idea of talk WITH her rather than AT her mentioned above. The bottom line is encouraging this child to control herself - she's way past the point where parents could ever do it for her.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Mother is dying at home Posted: 1/29/2008 5:28:34 AM
its not really a question of pain management. Its watching the person you have loved getting to a state where he has no idea where his own room is in a house where he has lived for 60 years. Its staying awake all night in case he tries to round up the escaped cows - all of which were sold 20 years previously. Its being so tired and exhausted that one night you do sleep soundly to find he went out for the cows and he's outside and nearly dead from hypothermia. I still don't regret I looked after him though - he was in the real world some of the time, though as the disease went on that time was less and less. He would have hated being anywhere except in his own home.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Moving on, trust, should I mention ex? Posted: 1/29/2008 5:15:04 AM
well Jewels....or Jules.... Personally I think it goes like this. If you want a rally serious relationship, what kind of things do you want from it? Honesty perhaps? Openness maybe? Trust? Kind and understanding and supportive partner? If you want all of those things then you have to ask yourself...how can I ask for them if I don't give them? Reality is this. If you are looking for a man on here - and lets face it, thats how we know each other - then every man on here has, by definition almost, been through their own emotional train wrecks, and will be perfectly aware that the same applies to all the women. If you meet a good one, he will want to understand your history. No matter how well or how badly you have come to terms with your past, it has shaped you into the person you now are - and any decent guy will want to truly understand you, listen to you and support you. If doing that is 'just too much drama' or 'who needs that pressure' for him.... then he isn't the man for you. If he doesn't want to understand you in that way...its not going to be the deep and meaningful relationship you want and deserve. For me anyway, the fact that you are prepared to be open and honest no matter how painful or risky it might be for you is actually a sign of something I really like in a woman. After you have been lied to, cheated on and deceeived, you have a real dislike of secrets or anything that might seem like hidden agendas....and dealing with your past pain is so very much better than wondering whats going to leap out and bite. You go out there and just keep on being the honest person you are. You'll find a good one Jules - I did.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

high maintenance.....where did it go?? Posted: 1/29/2008 5:00:26 AM
Ok this might just seem an odd thread to put on a broken hearts forum, but there are so many stories of it all going wrong on here, it struck me that a story of it going right might just give others some hope that better things are out there. At the ripe old age of 43 I am in a wonderful relationship. No conditions...strings...unconditional support there whenever I ned it - and when I don't as well....incredibly relaxed in each other's company....hours and hours go by just cuddling and sharing. I can say anything, anyhow - no having to edit it for the sensitivities of my partner. No demands on me, no expectations other than to just be the person I am. And yes....never, ever had a sex life like this one either, because we are just so connected before we even go there. I've never had another relationship vaguely like it. I can't get used to it. I keep waiting for the drama to hit. The **ing/moaning/self pity/me, me, me/smothering/. I keep wondering when all the expectations will come and when it will be constant hard work to keep her happy. The f**d up phone calls... the angry emails...the wondering where she is... the lies...the fights. In one way or another, all my previous relationships have had some or all of those. Slowly - very slowly - I am coming to accept that it actually is possible to have a relationship without any of that. She even understands my struggle for acceptance of it and helps me with that too. So, folks with broken hearts - and yes, I was one of you some monhs back when I found out she had been cheating with three men, one for nearly a year - take heart. There ARE wonderful people out there - and yes, I did meet her right here on plenty of fish. Anyone else have some good cheer to share?

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 112 (view)

not cumming during BJ? Posted: 1/28/2008 5:16:06 PM
the best bjs I ever had...were from a girl who was bi. think about it.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Whata are you doing with your free time now that you are single? Posted: 1/28/2008 10:42:35 AM
i guess thee is one obvious reply no one has come up with yet. reading the forums at pof.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Ask before Kink? Posted: 1/28/2008 9:18:24 AM
for me its really very simple. if you don't know a person well enough to talk about sexual likes and dislikes....then you shouldn't be in bed with them simple as.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

Can a Guy be just friends?? Posted: 1/28/2008 9:03:12 AM
yes of course you can be just friends with the opposite sex. It often works well for one simple reason. Friends share problems. Often the biggest problems come from your partner. Often those problems are caused by a misunderstanding and/or a communication gap. I, as a man, know that I have no hope of understanding female logic - whatever that is lol. Often a female friend can translate it for me and I might realise that something that was really making me annoyed is in fact nothing to worry about. Having said all that, I also believe that there are very few if any men out there who haven't at least asked themselves whether they would ever have sex with a female friend. Even if its a very short thought. Like....no, she doesn't do it for me in that way...no, she's married and i wouldn't want to mess with that....no, its a good friendship and I wouldn't want to spoil it.....hell no she's way too ugly....stop thinking that she's your sister.....too old...too fat...too skinny...she's a great friend but to live with her full time would be a nightmare....the list is endless. Whether or not ladies think like this as well ...well no doubt they will post and tell us. I certainly know some that do.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Ever Feel Like You Just Cant Get Over It? Posted: 1/28/2008 8:15:35 AM
OP I note that in one of your replies you said that you still speak every day and that while you do he maks you feel like the relationship meant nothing to him which hurts you even more. Stop speaking to him - or at least cut it down to once a week. Tell him you need some space to get used to the new state of things. Either he will understand that - in which case you might want to consider trying to be just friends - or he won't - in which case you ought to cut contact completely.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

letting go Posted: 1/26/2008 7:58:35 AM
Just look at the message of what you wrote. I changed my cellphone number to avoid my ex. I found out my ex is trying to get in touch with me through my friend and want to know what he wants. ERRRR...either you want to avoid him or you don't. If he's been pushy enough for you to change your number, why exactly are you surprised that he didn't give up? So....either give him your new number or stop worrying about what he wants. Your choice really is that simple.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Revenge, dealing with the end. Posted: 1/24/2008 10:04:33 AM
you have to listen to your instincts. I had a messy breakup a few months back. Six months before that some instinct knew something bad was up. I convinced myself I was being paranoid because I just didn't want to hear my own inner voice. When it turned out she was screwing three other guys behind my back for about....you guessed it....six months... well I kicked myself seriously hard for ignoring the instincts. These guys were married. I actually know their wives on first name terms. I could - by way of easy revenge - just simply open my mouth. However, as I just don't want to dwell on the past pain anymore, I have simply let it all go. I have to admit I ask myself sometimes whether the wives simply deserve to know - but I am honestly not sure if that's revenge talking or the search for the right path and until I am sure I am doing nothing about it. If you believe in it....karma is getting them considerably worse than I ever could anyway. One went into hospital with a strangulated hernia with severe complications and the other two (who were brothers) have wound up with so much emotional pain from other family events in their lives they are broken men. I wouldn't wish that much pain on anyone, even them. They've done me a favour anyway. I found found someone new who is so very much better in every way imaginable. I am the happiest I have been for years. Looking back I see that I had forgotten how to smile. And yes, I met her right here on plenty of fish.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Revenge, dealing with the end. Posted: 1/24/2008 5:35:39 AM
you have to listen to your instincts. I had a messy breakup a few months back. Six months before that some instinct knew something bad was up. I convinced myself I was being paranoid because I just didn't want to hear my own inner voice. When it turned out she was screwing three other guys behind my back for about....you guessed it....six months... well I kicked myself seriously hard for ignoring the instincts. These guys were married. I actually know their wives on first name terms. I could - by way of easy revenge - just simply open my mouth. However, as I just don't want to dwell on the past pain anymore, I have simply let it all go. I have to admit I ask myself sometimes whether the wives simply deserve to know - but I am honestly not sure if that's revenge talking or the search for the right path and until I am sure I am doing nothing about it. If you believe in it....karma is getting them considerably worse than I ever could anyway. One went into hospital with a strangulated hernia with severe complications and the other two (who were brothers) have wound up with so much emotional pain from other family events in their lives they are broken men. I wouldn't wish that much pain on anyone, even them. They've done me a favour anyway. I found found someone new who is so very much better in every way imaginable. I am the happiest I have been for years. Looking back I see that I had forgotten how to smile. And yes, I met her right here on plenty of fish.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

What would you do? Posted: 1/23/2008 10:30:53 AM
this person has cheated on you. Just how can you trust that it won't happen again? A relationship with no trust is no relationship. Move on.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

This is so messed up .....need some insight please ! Posted: 1/22/2008 9:53:52 AM
If you mean my reply brendi... thanks. feel free to email me direct if it will help - just click on the button on my profile.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Break up Etiquette Posted: 1/22/2008 9:49:55 AM
you may want explanations because you love that person and don't want to split. The sad fact is that a lot of arguments in relationships and even breakups happen because of communication gaps and misunderstandings. I'd want to make very sure that wasn't the case. As to how to break up, I think it deserves face to face and honest conversation. Both parties should be willing to answer openly any questions the other may have. It is MUCH better to have one painful meeting than months of 'what if's and 'if only's. To be sure it has no chance of working out. If you are the dumper and you ever cared about the person you are dumping you owe them that.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

This is so messed up .....need some insight please ! Posted: 1/22/2008 9:33:49 AM
It all centres around how much this guy means to you. Reading your reply says this to me. He is possessive, jealous and controlling. Sounds like you might have some of that yourself as well. Ask yourself this. WHY is he possessive and controlling? I'd guess its because an old love of his life betrayed him very cruelly and he is incredibly scared it will happen again. I broke up with my ex because she had been cheating on me with three other men. It has been an incredible battle - with the help of a very understanding lady - to not think that every woman I meet might do that - especially given that something similar has happened to me years ago as well. Now its my problem to deal with. I was lucky enough to find a lady who loved me enough to put up with me while I worked it out. I didn't even know how I was coming across until she gently pointed it out. As a man, i would say to you that when your trust has been broken more than once, it is incredibly hard to trust again. I am not saying this is definitely the case with this man. I am suggesting that its something you might want to explore to give yourself peace of mind. If your argument before Xmas was over jealousy too, this makes even more sense. No one sets out to treat someone else like crap. They just get like that because of what life has done to them. It may be based on something so deep rooted they don't even see it - its protective auto pilot. If some behavioural trait is intolerable to you yet you care enough to want to work on things, always ask why they behave like that. Sometimes wanting people to change is actually a good thing. Try dating a person suffering from a personality disorder as I did. Encouraging them to get treatment that, if successful, will dramatically change both their and your life for the better is actually a good thing to want. In your case, if he is bitter and twisted from old wounds, maybe, just maybe you can help him get over it.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

I'm about two seconds from giving up Posted: 1/22/2008 8:54:02 AM
don' t give up. It might sound like odd advice, but check the profiles of other men. They all show how many favourite lists they are on. If you see a few who are on lots, ask yourself what it is about their profiles that makes that the case. Note I am not saying that you should not be truthful about yourself in your profile - merely that you can get clues as to how best to phrase some things.

Joined: 12/14/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

This is so messed up .....need some insight please ! Posted: 1/22/2008 8:44:31 AM
I note you say he has been seeing other women. You don't say he has been sleeping with them. Fact is, anyone meeting here on plenty of fish is gonna get to know more than one woman. I personally have met someone very special to me and its going really well - and I have also made several great friends who happen to be female - but we really understand each other and I have no intention of losing contact with them. Are you absolutely sure that this is not the case with your guy? If he feels you don't trust him and/or are bein over possessive.....I don't blame him for wanting space. Of course, if he actually has been sleeping with them.....as everyone else has said, dump him fast.

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