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PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

My First Offline Date Posted: 2/11/2009 3:36:19 PM
What a story! I definitely agree that for a first meeting, a public place is a must.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

picture or no picture is the question Posted: 1/11/2009 4:14:57 PM
Right on Golfing! of with thos paper bags, guys!

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Picture or no picture - that is the question Posted: 1/11/2009 4:10:15 PM
Peiromantic has a good point saying that hav(ing) a lady read my profile without the pic, start getting interested, then get my picture later and drop me is a definite possibility. A picture is just trying to make up for not seeing the person. Everyone has physical criteria which a photos helps to discriminate and avoid dissapointments and backtracking later, whether it be corpulence, height, age, coloring, facial hair. In the natural order of the physical world, you see someone before you speak to them. The profile pics just complete the written of the profile. My experience has been that the photo-less, make excuses for not posting a pic, but go on to comment on my looks from my pic and draw conclusions about further contact. Talk about hypocrisy.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Going on a vacation by yourself? Good or Bad idea? Posted: 12/29/2008 1:24:43 PM
I've travelled by myself when I wanted to go and there was nobody interested or free to go with but I do prefer going with a friend first. Next year, 2009, I'm thinking of taking a cruise for the first time, a singles cruise so as not to feel out of place. This thread has given me some good food for thought.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 124 (view)

Is sex as important to you as it once was? Posted: 9/6/2008 3:23:10 PM
I beg your pardon no more sex till death do us part? I too would definitely have trouble with a sexless relationship. It would be depressing to realise, if I'm faithful to this person, I may never experience sex again. But then I couldn't be with someone who never touched or hugged either.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Sailing Posted: 7/15/2008 3:05:24 PM
I sail too and have a sailboat.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

How many people have actually went on a date using this site? Posted: 6/2/2008 1:50:41 PM
I had 3 dates with Pofers since signing up here and have exchanged a lot of messages with others that didn't go any further. Most live too far away. A few were problematical. Some sounded like jokes. It's nice to get to know new people but basicallywe had nothing in common and no sparks on my side anyway. I tried another pay dating site before POF. Was much the same, emails and nothing else or people that were out of my age range. I did not renew there.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 73 (view)

Why is not using IM a dealbreaker? Posted: 5/28/2008 3:13:50 PM
I think NOT using IM is good jerk filter. Every time I've given out my yahoo, the "tone" of the exchange has immediately gone south, south of the beltline LOL. Booooooooooooooring.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

are women willing to look past a mans flawed teeth. Posted: 5/25/2008 3:12:38 PM
Noooooo. [Bad teeth are pretty much a deal breaker...sexuality involves the mouth...bad teeth also denote someone who either cares nothing about taking care of himself or has absolutely no resources] I second everything said before about wasted teeth reflecting on how you take care of your health and your fnancial ressources..It's NOT just esthetics, it's a sign of poor health past or present, certainly NOT to be considerd shallow to take teethe appearance into account.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

What is your real goal for dating? Posted: 5/22/2008 2:28:59 PM
Well, I signed up on a dating site meet a nice SO. If this were easy or better in the local world, I wouldn't bother online. I think this is just another option, another window open on meeting someone. And all the way, I hope to make new acquaintances and maybe a friend. It's not so easy as it's portrayed to be, and I can feel the frustration through the earlier posts. Just be thankful you're not paying for it.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Inviting self over night Posted: 5/15/2008 3:16:04 PM
Too funny Mr internet Thanks everybody for your comments. I really needed to share this experience. I needed to hear what I've been telling myself, I guess. When I got his new self invitation, I was bothered, and disgusted by his pressering. I hate having to tell people to take leap, but if pushed I will. I decided right away I wouldn't respond to him anymore and just ignore him. But then I began to think I should tell him something to call it off rather than just ignoring him, like a copout. That's when I decided to post to see if maybe I was over-reacting or reading into this more than there was. I see I wasn't. LOL Obviously, the guy is way out of line. I don't feel there's any chemistry between us, not on my side, but he could have become an interesting acquaintance, if he weren't so "single-minded". Best not to even reply and move on.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

can a relationship be successful when there is nothing in common between them? Posted: 5/14/2008 3:21:45 PM
No, it can't. And in the meantime you can't find a guy who does enjoy doing things together.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Inviting self over night Posted: 5/14/2008 1:58:45 PM
How long before you "know " someone enough to let them come home and spend the night? I think that one meeting isn't enough but then I'm not eighteen anymore and I'm talking about someone I "met" on POF, that is online. This is the 3rd time this person has invited himself to spend the night, 1st time during our first IM chat, 2nd time before we met, and now in an email after I agreed to see him a second time. The first time, I laughed it off , the second time, I told him, we hadn't even met, for heavens sake, I though he got it, but now he invites himself overnight again as part of the second meeting, saying I should be ok with that because now I know him. Well... It seems to me like he's gone without for too long and needs a fix with the first warm bod? Sounds too desperate. And anyway I don't know if I want to spend that much time with him yet or be that intimate. We haven't even held hands, let alone kissed. What do you all think?

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

Ohio man jailed for his daughter not passing the GED. Posted: 5/14/2008 12:36:39 PM
Pretty pathetic decision by a control freak judge and aren't they all. Many places 16 years old is past the obligatory age for school attendance. Jailing the father is pointless. If she didn't listen to her father or the judge up to now, his being punished will have zero impact on her. She couldn't give a s***. How can you order somebody to getting a passing grade on a GED test? Huh??? Are they gonna jail him if she doesn't pass her driver's license too? Am I endanger of being jailed if my third grader fails his multiplication tables test? Get off the guys back. I would like that judge to take the kid to his house and "make sure she attends school and passes her GED". Good Luck. The problem with him is that he thinks this kid is like his own, basically compliant, goes to school, does homework, passes tests and that it's just that this father isn't doing his job, Eat your peas deary. What "pressure" did the judge think the father should have applied? What magic to get the kid back in school and motivated? The state removes all authority from parents, wants kids schooled from birth if possible, to "socialize" them and "assure their school success", but if the kid doesn't follow their plan,...then the State goes after the parents. They should assume their responsabilty Gimme a break!

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Should you lend friends money ?? Posted: 5/5/2008 2:14:53 PM
It's best to just say no. It makes me wonder, in fact, why would a friend ask his friend for money anyway? What does it imply if he/she is asking a"friend" for money instead of asking a mother, father or sibling first. I've lent money to a past BF on repeated occasions. He had trouble budgetting. It seemed from his attitude, that he presumed I had money to lend him any time, like I was his private bank. The tone of his request did not admit refusal. Either I was being mean or lying if I refused or was reluctant. He usually asked for small amounts of money 50-100 Euros, promising to return it in a week. But that week would become months and if he returned the money, he did it very ungraciously, and resentfully. He also "forgot" to pay his half of the bills some months. Finally I promised myself, to refuse the next time , whatever may happen because I found it was so distasteful to endure his attitude about returning money as he'd promised. The day came of course when he asked for money again. I told him no, that I didn't have any cash on me which was true. As expected that pissed him off for the evening, but he never asked for money again. I learned my lesson. I think lending money is bad news for any relationship.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 70 (view)

Is it ever ok to sleep over on a first date? Posted: 5/4/2008 2:49:00 PM
I agree with your decision, but I would have gone home earlier so that the question might not even come up. The longer you stayed the more the situation called for this offer to be made, just as a courtesy. I think staying would have sent an ambiguous message to him. I just went through a variation on your situatuon. After emailing for a few months with a guy I met on POF, he asked if we could meet. This guy lives an hour's drive away. I said sure and we made a date to do an outdoor activity together, meeting in the morning around 10am. The guy asked if he could spend the night at my place the day before, so be ready early. I asked for a couple hours to think. When he called back I said I didn't feel comfortable having someone overnight at my house, whom I had not even met in person. That it was nothing personal, but that I felt it was too big of a leap in our "relationship", after all I had only given him my cell number the day before. I also said that maybe our relationship wasn't viable if very time we met he would have to sleep over. (He had already mentioned in an earlier email, that if I came over I stay over night at his place.) He said no pb, said he just wanted to make a weekend of it. He would be fine getting up earlier at his house to be here. He drove here on time and everything was fine. We spent the whole day out together and he went home after midnight.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Would you stop dating somebody if they were unable to have kids? Posted: 4/29/2008 2:11:55 PM
Wow, that's a hard question to answer. I first found out I would have trouble having children in college women's clinic. I'm a DES baby. That's a drug preganant women were prescribed "to make healthy babies" that affected the unborn children's reproductive system severely. Put a guilt trip on those moms forever. Thank you LILY pharmaceutical. I found out I couldn't become pregnant after I was married. Then it was a little late for hubby to bale out gracefully. I would say that we were commited to one another and overcame the disappointmant of a future without our own offspring. But I know it also made that future very different than that of every other couple around us, alienating. Yes we did eventually adopt after trying every medical treatment available. It was not THE magic solution either. Yes it affected our life together, how could it not, and played some part in our marriage separation, even if just through repercussions. I think the question is a legitimate one, an important one to answer before commiting.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 790 (view)

Long hair on older women Posted: 4/27/2008 3:53:46 PM
I have almost always had long hair. Why? Because I like it that way. Lucky for them, So do the men I know. I cut my hair short a couple times, once in high school and once in my late twenties. I found it was the short hairstyle that required more work and cost more money to maintain. Like alot of other poster it's "wash and go" I let it air dry.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 51 (view)

is drinking >3 times per week really considered often? Posted: 4/16/2008 2:25:20 PM
In France and Spain, we drink wine with our dinner. I usually have a glass of wine with my meal. Sometimes I have a beer instead. No one here would say I'm a drinker. They would laugh. Here a drinker is someone who drinks two 6-packs a beer a day outside mealtimes. I've dated a drinker. It's not the drinking that made me uneasy, for he rarely showed his alcohol, but rathe the fact that he ate very little besides drinking beer.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 158 (view)

How closely do you look at someone's teeth? Posted: 3/22/2008 4:28:29 PM
Yes I do look at the teeth: Bad teeth is a put off and could mean any number of issues: missing teeth: They never care for their teeth and have hygiene issues, that may not be just with teeth, uh hm discolored green, yellow, gray teeth: no daily hygiene, heavy smokers or reformed heroin junky (that'll rot teeth) wasted, crooked teeth: have a dental or gum health problem uncared for. And of course, apart from the poor appearance of the smile, there's the related bad breath and bad tasting kisses, yuk.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 62 (view)

Moving In/Living with someone Posted: 3/22/2008 3:36:39 PM
I would like to reiterate what was posted earlier about de facto marriage. Don't kid yourself that not getting married will make it simpler to separate. First, living together creates a very strong emotional bond. That alone makes bailing out complicated, much more so than if you hadn't lived together. Sharing a dwelling does confer certain right on the parties over time, whether both contribute financially, or have their name on the deed: rights to stay on, and be considered a common law spouse and all the ramifications that brings in case of separation, yes in the US like in the EU countries. I would even advance that living together as an alternative to marriage, effectively removes all the protection legal marriage provides and leaves an imbroglio of issues to be disentangled if the couple separates after living together for 5 or more years. That said living together could be a step in your relationship. I still feel you can certainly get to know someone very well without it, by spending lots of time together and sharing your daily life. It's certainly no guarantee to success in marriage. People change, whether living together or not. There is no foolproof method to a successful LTR.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 139 (view)

Has common sense been replaced by paranoia in online dating? Posted: 3/21/2008 4:59:57 PM
30% of the men and women on dating sites do have mental problems I wonder if the stats for offline dating are so different.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Showing a form of identification Posted: 3/21/2008 4:10:54 PM
I agree canam. Anyway at some point you have to have trust to be abe to get acquainted. When you meet, you can see if the person corresponds to his photo, if he has one on POF. You can see if his conversation is coherent with what you exchanged prior to meeting. I had a first date once that showed me his navy ID spontaneously, while telling about his job. I didn't even glance at it close enough to read it. Not interested. If I didn't feel safe, I wouldn't see him or respond to further contact. I wouldn't ask for ID, or do a background check.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 190 (view)

Attraction in your 50's Posted: 2/21/2008 3:28:20 PM
I have begun to think it was most men on here who were shaving off years, lots of them, from looking at their profile pics. They say 45-50 and look like they got one foot in the grave. BTW my profile says my true age. I'm with you StarlightWhisper, I want a guy who can keep up, is fit, has a life.

PionCavalier

Joined: 12/16/2007

Msg: 142 (view)

Ex wife is best friend but women see her as competiton Posted: 2/6/2008 1:48:02 PM
I agree with you Solarpanel. BTW, I think that as a new relationships becomes more real, all those exes naturally dim into the background. I learned not to burn bridges if I can help it. Real friends are not so easy to come by.

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