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 Author Thread: Ojai April 25th 9AM - Rice Canyon/Wills Canyon Loop Hike
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Ojai April 25th 9AM - Rice Canyon/Wills Canyon Loop Hike
Posted: 4/5/2009 9:30:30 AM
Count me in. I 'll make my calender free for it.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Toys
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:22:06 PM
I am on my way to Lake Tahoe tomorrow for an extended weekend with 3 of my friends on our motorcycles.

We ride for the fun of riding and not to impress the women with shiny chrome and loud pipes.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Burning Man '08
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:55:53 PM
It will be my first time.
As far as I know my buddy, a10 year Burner, will try to reserve a space for us around 09:30.
I should be arriving on Tuesday evening.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Do you pee in the shower?
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:23:28 PM

[Same guy who told me sperm had medicinal properties....]


Now I understand why penis and penicillin almost sound the same.

Happy 4th of July.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Burning Man '08
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:51:29 PM
I will be there too!

It will be my first time.
I will have an experienced burner as a guide in our group.

At least before I die I can say: "I have been there, done it"
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Best license plate car combos...
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:57:23 PM
The funniest once I remember
I saw a black BMW 750i at a BMW dealership with the license plate BLONDE screwed on upside down on the car.

About 10 years ago I passed a GEO Metro on the freeway, the license plate said MR TINY. At the same level of the driver I looked over, the guy driving it was about 300lbs. I’m still wondering how he got in that car?

And there was that MBZ 500SL with the License plate PLAYM8 (Playmate), oh yes I would have liked to play with her.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
THINGS ALL MEN SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DO WELL
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:10:29 PM
Reading a woman's mind and understand it.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 7 (view)
 
THINGS ALL MEN SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DO WELL
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:21:44 PM
Run a vacuum cleaner.

I turned it on and it is running ... but it's not moving.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 81 (view)
 
The joke thread...
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:18:58 AM
^^^^I can talk like that. So there is no problem^^^^

 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 79 (view)
 
The joke thread...
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:57:59 PM
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What is happiness to you?
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:30:12 PM
I'm not happy right now. I just wrote the check to the IRS.

Ask me again tomorrow.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 230 (view)
 
Dear Ali - Post your personal questions and advice here
Posted: 4/8/2008 11:30:07 PM
Dear scotterpop
First you have to figure out witch way is up or down!
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 183 (view)
 
Dear Abby- Post your personal questions and advice here
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:18:59 AM

Dear Abby,

I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.


Dear Blondie,
If I explain it, you would not understand it anyway.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 36 (view)
 
THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY KEYBOARD!!!
Posted: 4/2/2008 6:58:34 AM

... men are especially good for taking out the trash, ...


… be careful what you wish for. Maybe one day he might dump you in the recycling dumpster.


 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 42 (view)
 
IM's... why or why not?
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:25:50 PM

Men just don't understand the shoe thing for women.


... and you ladies should just get used to it!

AMEN

 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 180 (view)
 
Dear Abby- Post your personal questions and advice here
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:45:01 PM
Dear Bob
If you have a basic set of tools and a torque wrench you might be able to repair the leaking valve cover yourself.
Go to your local Harley Davidson Dealer and buy new seals for the valve covers. Remove the valve covers, clean the seal seats and the rim of the heads, reinstall the valve cover seals, carefully place the valve covers back on and torque the screws to the manufacture given torque specs in a criss cross sequence.

Keep the shiny side up!

PS: Your wife is a cheating bitch. You don’t need her. You got a nice ride.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 76 (view)
 
money inside her bra
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:26:33 PM

thats a male strit club.


What's a "Strit Club?

My inquiring mind likes to know!
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Earth Hour--You don't want to be the one who ruins it, do you?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:14:12 PM

It may also help reduce light pollution, and in 2008, coincides with the beginning of National Dark Sky Week in the USA.

And who is turning all the stars in the sky off?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 65 (view)
 
money inside her bra
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:57:42 PM
A few years back, some friends and the girl I was dating at the time went to a concert to Santa Barbara. At the gate she was looking everywhere for the tickets. So I walked 15 minutes back to the car to look for the tickets. She called and told me: I found the tickets I stuck them in my bra.
After the concert I had to check if there was not anything else in the bra besides what had to be in there.
From that point on if she was looking for something (she always misplaced everything). I always ask her: Did you check your bra already?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Earth Hour--You don't want to be the one who ruins it, do you?
Posted: 3/29/2008 7:18:35 PM
I’m dumbfounded now … can you explain what “Earth Hour” means???

How can I ruin someting if I don’t even know what I f…ed up!
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Women.....Looking At Men's Buldges?
Posted: 3/29/2008 6:14:49 PM

Do all men look at a woman's breast before looking into their eye's? or after looking into their eye's?


If a man doesn’t check out your breasts … is he really a man?

Here is the eternal question
Q: Why did God give women breasts?
A: So men talk to them!

I’m wondering now if chicks check out my moose knuckle (the opposite to a camel toe) ?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 6 (view)
 
The Best of the Best - California Forum Posts
Posted: 3/29/2008 3:12:51 PM
I guess I missed the “Carpet Thread” … sigh.

This one is not from the Cali Forums. But when I read it I was in tears crying.
Msg:78 http://forums.plentyoffish.com/8628628datingPostpage4.aspx
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 68 (view)
 
The joke thread...
Posted: 3/29/2008 1:34:31 PM
A son asked his mother the following question:

'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'

The mother looks at her son and replies,

'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,


'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 154 (view)
 
Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/29/2008 1:25:22 PM
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15 WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 152 (view)
 
Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/29/2008 1:22:16 PM

…watching the boob-tube

hmmm … since when do boobs come in a tube?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 63 (view)
 
legalized prostitution
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:27:45 PM
Spitzer's little Call-girl resigned too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff0Uvul3fDo
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Need help!
Posted: 3/28/2008 7:18:41 AM
My Buddy is getting married in Leesburg Virginia in May.
I need some information were I can plan a Bachelor Party in that area most of his guy friends are coming from California. Nobody has any idea where to go or what is available to throw a Bachelor Party. His future wife even gave me the thumps up for adult entertainment.

Thanks for any successions.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 601 (view)
 
Who's Your Secret Crush?
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:58:25 PM

... he does have a thing for redheads.


I have a thing for redheads. A redhead took my virginity and never gave it back.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 600 (view)
 
Who's Your Secret Crush?
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:54:14 PM
Happy Birthday Christy!

I didn't know it earlier. Now it's to late to crush you for your Birthday.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 178 (view)
 
Dear Abby- Post your personal questions and advice here
Posted: 3/26/2008 10:29:25 PM
Dear scotterpop.

Written on the golden tablets it was … without an “a” or an”e”

Believing in the golden tablets ... they do .

Yoda
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 126 (view)
 
Circumcision....
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:54:25 AM
Circumcision is the most effective thing one can do to reduce their risk of HIV. In fact, of you want to look at the statistics, avoiding uncircumcised heterosexual males will GREATLY reduce your risk of contracting HIV.

And so far there have been TWO studies. One, a statistical study in the US showed a 50% reduction in HIV among circumcised males, and the one in Africa which showed 70% reduction.


The most effective way (circumcised or not) to reduce the risk of HIV is to not to be intimate with a HIV infected person!
I don’t need a study for that.

The second most effective way to reduce the risk of HIV is to use proper protection if you are intimate with a person whose sexual past you don’t know.
I don’t need a study for that either.


Good luck to you when have unprotected sex in Africa.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What is Love to you - EXACTLY?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:09:31 PM
Love is like peeing your pants.
Everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth.


 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Beach Party anyone interested
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:03:27 PM

Bolsa Chica is an excellent location.

Do I dare to ask … where Bolsa Chica is located?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 56 (view)
 
What puts you to sleep???:zzzz:
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:57:11 PM
Any Baseball Game or Golf on TV
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Beach Party anyone interested
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:09:57 PM
Tom, will there be Thongs involved?

Ali, if you wear your "Thong Bikini" I might show up in my "Spedoos" ... maybe not.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 867 (view)
 
Women who smoke are far more promiscuous.
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:46:51 AM
here's the numbers:

Men Non Smokers: Mean number of Lifetime Partners 27.0108 Sd: 81

Men Smokers: Mean number of Lifetime Partners 30.0394 Sd: 319.54758

MSMOKE N Mean Std. Deviation Std. Error Mean Men Non Smokers: Mean number of Lifetime Partners 27.0108 Sd: 81.15721Men Smokers 30.0394 319.54758 11.20702


What where you smoking when you crunched those numbers? I can't find any logic in this calculation.
It makes as much sense as man’s nipples.

:: I’m sitting on the confused couch::

Happy Easter
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 587 (view)
 
Who's Your Secret Crush?
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:56:23 PM

I love her. I just don't know if I am enough man for her.

I hope you told her before you admitted your secret crush at the Forum.


She is going to travel 454.7 miles to kick my a$$.

At least you don’t have to travel 454.7 SMiles to kiss her a$$.

Good luck
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 45 (view)
 
To the guys.....
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:28:50 PM

But i understand renting one is not a problem if you are Govenor of New York.

He was not as famous as Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy or the “honorable” reverent Jessie Jackson. They got it for free.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 584 (view)
 
Who's Your Secret Crush?
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:08:05 PM

As a person who has "fallen from the church"

Did you get hurt when you fell from the church?

My inquiring mind likes to know.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 582 (view)
 
Who's Your Secret Crush?
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:48:03 PM

My secret Mormon crush is gone.

Bob, I guess you already know what they say about Mormon’s.
The best lay is a Mormon gone bad.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 858 (view)
 
Women who smoke are far more promiscuous.
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:42:54 PM
^^^because you are in Missouri and I'm in Kahlifonia (like our governaor calls it).
We could be promiscuous and then have a smoke before the next round.

::I did not write this .... did I?::
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 846 (view)
 
Women who smoke are far more promiscuous.
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:30:35 AM

RESULTS:
1. MEN who smoke: Average 27.011 lifetime sex partners.
2. Women who smoke: Average 13.604 lifetime sex partners.

RESULTS:
More than 3 drinks per day and smoke:
5. MEN: Average lifetime sex partners: 28.391
6. WOMEN: Average lifetime sex partners: 16.511


Damn that survey. Do I have to smoke and drink more to get close to the national average of MEN?

Where are my smokes and the booze?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Sugar Momma's
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:53:11 AM
^^^Granny need someone to push the wheelchair around too.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Are you your Car?
Posted: 3/22/2008 6:45:04 AM

I'm going to get a nice scooter, like the Buell Xb12X Ulysses

Do you know what they say about a Buell? You will have two lucky days; the day when you get it and the day you be able to sell it.
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
24 Hour Orgasm
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:32:58 PM

Now that is what I call the "energized bunny" . . . keep going and going and going . . . and going . . .

They have the batteries inserted the wrong way because they … keep cuming and cuming …

:: I’m sitting on the shameful couch now::
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Sugar Momma's
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:24:13 PM

… beside sex and being treated like a piece of meat.

Stop playing your little violin. I don’t feel sorry for you. You are just a male prostitute.

BTW: what make and model was the car?
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 26 (view)
 
To the guys.....
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:13:06 PM
To all the guys you would pimp out your wife/girlfriend for a million bucks.

Now we established that your wife/girlfriend is just a prostitute to you.
Lets negotiate the price again. I’ll offer you $10 Dollars and a six-pack of Budweiser.

Cheers
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 281 (view)
 
B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend)
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:27:24 PM

My BOB and I are so close. We are going to go mow the lawn together in a while...

Now, this gives a different meaning to a riding mower.
Does it vacuum too?
Watch out for those purple rabbits!
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 62 (view)
 
The joke thread...
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:42:16 PM
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER, SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE, I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID....................." WELL, WELL LOOK AT THAT.....I'M GETTING A FAX!!"
 SoCal_Hans
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What men say and what men mean....
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:36:09 AM

Because insanity loves company?

You are just jealous … because the voices only talking to me.
 
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