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catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

WTF. Posted: 10/26/2009 7:58:35 AM
There could be any number of reasons he did this. I had something similar happen to me a while back and I realize now that it had nothing to do with me... it had to do with his insecurities. The best thing to do for yourself is forget him and move on. He isn't worth the time and energy it takes to be angry.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 202 (view)

what do men consider overweight? Posted: 10/25/2009 2:19:48 PM
Well, having gone from what was referred to as sickly skinny a few years ago to having to take serious drugs to gain weight to fight an illness - I like my shape now. Overweight by society's standards yes, but I swim, walk, hike, and get out and about and my physician is happy with my weight. So, until he tells me otherwise, I'm okay with my body... Besides, I've had more compliments from men at this weight more than I ever did skinny sick looking...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

Womens likes in profiles Posted: 7/12/2009 11:55:43 AM
Wow that is a little bit harsh OP... as to putting in interests, did it ever occur to you that some women really do enjoy doing those things and it has nothing to do with a man's money. Hell my guess is that if the woman is enjoying those things single, she's paying for them herself... I'm single, I travel and I enjoy fine wines, fine dining and scuba diving.... etc. Does that automatically make me a gold digger in your book? If so, I need to point out that my your theory of us all being a gold digger is flawed as i make a decent living, do not have a man paying for my interests and I do them regularly... with or without someone...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

What are the odds...really?? REALLY???? Posted: 7/9/2009 1:52:38 PM
Online dating is like anything else in life... it requires a little work, understanding, thick skin and a realistic view of life in general. Unfortunately, many on here have this idea that something is always greener on the other side. They don't take the time to really get to know someone and they ultimately never find anyone. I have met and maintained a relationship with someone off of here. We had a great relationship together until is Ex wife started drinking. He ended up getting custody of the children, moving and such. We did manage to remain friends and still ocassionally see each other now. I've also managed to meet some really nice men on here and if we didn't connect in a chemistry way needed for a relationship, we are still friends. I also think people put all their eggs in one basket and see online dating as the only way to meet people when they should still be out in the real time world having fun and meeting people too.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 82 (view)

Using a phone during sex? Is this really bad? Posted: 7/9/2009 1:45:45 PM
Technology is a wonderful thing; however, there is a time and place for it...and during sex, no way. And even understanding people have children - a text in my book is not an emergency and no excuse for responding to such.... I'd be livid, we would part company with the parting words of "Enjoy y our Text Life" See yah...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 117 (view)

Where are the decent women looking for long term at? Posted: 7/6/2009 1:24:03 PM
Wow another "where are" forums. How sad really that both sexes can't see the common denominator in all their broken relationships... ourselves. It takes two to make a relationship work and two to keep the fires alive. Sure it is hard work, takes work, and a desire to see it work. It also takes a person realizing that you can't blame the past on the next potential partner. Good grief, if believed all men were like my Ex,why the heck would I bother dating? I wouldn't. I prefer to believe each man has potential until he proves otherwise on his own merits, not those of a previous Ex, lover, or date. If that makes me strange, so be it. But I prefer to judge a person based on their words and actions and not those of the past....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

When are you most happiest? Posted: 7/6/2009 1:12:57 PM
When I am spending time with those I love or care about. Doesn't matter what we are doing, it is the time we are spending together. Creating memories....Sappy I am sure, but so true for me.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 47 (view)

And so God said........... Posted: 6/27/2009 10:57:11 AM
Love is not a transaction where you get something in return. Love is the giving away of yourself expecting nothing in return. To truly love someone you have to open yourself up to hurt, good times, bad times and many other painful possibilities. However, when you find love back, not expecting it... it is one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive. I think that people treat love like a transaction and lose out on the good that it really offers by treating it as such...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

She is barely legal, He is 48 Posted: 6/27/2009 10:47:15 AM
Thing is... you may never know. I think there are as many reasons for it as against it. It really is about the two people involved and their personal choices. Funny thing is... some of those couples will make it and some won't - just like any other couple scenarios.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Deal Breaker? Posted: 6/23/2009 9:50:12 PM
Without a doubt, my dealbreakers are: 1. Liars 2. Cheaters Outside of that I'm am pretty flexible... those two I am not at all flexible.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Who loves the woman more? Posted: 6/23/2009 9:44:21 PM
Sometimes the hardest thing about loving someone is letting them go... Guy #2 is grounded in reality and recognizes that regardless of what he is feeling for her, she is in love with someone else and he is letting her go.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Past, Present, Future... Posted: 6/22/2009 3:23:55 PM
^^^^ Very good advice~! So true too. You can't hold the person in your life responsible for the past sins of others against you. Just because one person did or said something that hurt you doesn't mean that the person you are with now will. That is also known as baggage... your's....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

messages that say Posted: 6/17/2009 11:14:55 PM
OP... you basically have two choices here... 1. You reply back... saying thanks. Would enjoy chatting with you and see where it goes... and/or 2. You say no thanks... I also agree with other posters. Your profile is lacking any kind of tidbits for someone to actually say something more poetic to you... in fact, I think he was being nice and trying to see if there was more and you blew him off.... Something I try to remember when responding to emails... not everyone is comfortable writing first emails.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Which date left you laughing Posted: 6/17/2009 11:00:53 PM
This one is recent... sad but true.... We are at a nice restaurant... formal dress. We are talking and having a good conversation. We order dinner, wine and he starts talking to the waitress. Nice guy... wrong... As the dinner salads are being placed in front of us... he leans over and says, "I've been a very bad boy.... I need a diaper change." I look at him and say, "really." He takes that as an invitation to go on and say that, "his pee pee needs attention." I get up and leave... This is a first date and not my cup of tea.... Two days later, he calls and says what was your freakin' problem? I replied.... I don't do diapers! He called me a biotch and hung up. The next night, he emails me and says he's sorry would I go out with him and let him prove he's a gentleman. I said, no thanks, I already know you are no gentleman....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

would you date a guy that's works out of town? Posted: 6/17/2009 10:45:56 PM
Don't change your profile or take out the honesty about working the schedule you do. I would date someone if that was the case and I enjoyed being with them, we were able to talk regularly and that honesty and communication were high priorities. Don't change who you are just to have a date...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

If diamonds are a girl's best friend... Posted: 6/17/2009 10:31:14 PM
Ahhh, diamonds are a girl's best friend... diamonds are more than just diamonds you know... some men are like diamonds! As for spices... white pepper fresh garlic fresh basil fresh thyme fresh oregano fresh rosemary fresh ginger raw sugar honey milk but then I love to cook... so I need many spices.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 2 (view)

Simple question Posted: 6/17/2009 10:26:27 PM
You may never understand... what is a connection for you does not guarantee that they have one back ... simply put having a lot in common doesn't mean you have a connection. You can't force someone or help someone feel the connection. It's either there or not there.... the only thing you can do is be yourself and enjoy dating in the mean time.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

I have a couple question(s) ladies Posted: 6/17/2009 10:08:31 PM
Unfortunately Cinsav was right... "shallow and pretentious" is the way things are. I actually have emailed two men on this site in wheelchairs. One I thought would be fun to get to know because we both liked the same things... I wrote an honest email to him and the response back was nasty, mean and made me glad afterwards he and I didn't meet. I think he was bitter and unhappy with his life. The second one was someone who I thought would be a good guy, we could laugh, share some things and since we both loved music, I thought why not. I wrote him and he replied, "No thanks, I don't date overweight chicks." After that I was like, okay... whatever. I realize now that no matter what I have to offer, no matter what my circumstances are for being overweight, that some are not capable of seeing past that issue. That's their choice and its fine as I wouldn't want to waste any of my time with them! You have an issue like anyone else on here who does not have the perfect body. The window dressing... who cares. Be happy in who you are and enjoy what you do have. A life to live. Don't waste it on feeling bad about dating or who say yes or no to you. In the meantime, keep looking, asking and living life.... EDIT: I tried to email you OP and give you some advice... in private... Your email restrictions would not accept emails from my age group. So... your profile is pretty negative and that is probably the biggest turn off for those you are writing. Negativity kills faster than anything. Why don't you try changing your profile to say things you like to and not focus all on your handicap?

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Is it just me or.... Posted: 6/17/2009 9:45:01 PM
Basically its like this... he's still fishing to see if there is anything out there... Move on and don't waste your time. If all he wants to be is friends why wait around?

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Question Concerning Body Type, Smoking or Religion? Posted: 6/17/2009 9:41:15 PM
Smoking not for me... already had to beat cancer, see no reason to increase my odds of having it again.. Besides, it makes for nasty kissing.... Size... I don't have a preference. Religion... I attend church regularly and I don't see that changing, so if you can accept my practices, I can accept yours. Don't try and change me... I won't try and change you. As for inside/outside... The truth of the matter is... more often than not, people make decisions based on the outside appearances and don't take the time to find out who a person really is... so I would have to say that outside appearances win out.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

How important is chivalry in an relationship to you? Posted: 6/17/2009 9:29:21 PM
Chivalry is not important... I prefer to have good manners, respect for me, and genuine affection and concern....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 54 (view)

What Do You Look For In a New Partner? Posted: 6/17/2009 9:23:53 PM
A man who loves me for who I am. A man who can laugh with me, at me and about me.... and at the end of the day, be glad to be with me. Money doens't buy happiness it only makes misery more tolerable. I want a man with a good heart and a sense of reality... A man who puts family first... and one who knows that a good relationship is 100/100 based on communicatin, honesty and faithfulness.... I want it all!

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

An error in judgment, and a new version of a previous topic. Posted: 6/15/2009 5:33:09 PM
I am willing to invest all that I am for the right man. Why? You won't find the right person if you don't take the risks associated with looking for him/her otherwise.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Women need to seal the deal as much as men. Posted: 6/14/2009 8:14:06 PM
OP, I teach some of those classes you are referring to at our church. There is alot of information you are stating here that is not correct. While the classes say it is different for each individual, the only reference the classes make to not having sex is - you should refrain from having intimacy with the opposite sex until such time as you have taken the time to heal from your broken relationship. For some you will wait for the next commited relationship and for some of you - you won't. There is no perfect time table, its an individual choice, but if you do it too soon, you will bring baggage to a new relationship and cause additional harm and delayed healing to yourself and cause pain to others. That was a bit condensed, but please don't spout out information that says committed relationships are bad, or are dependent upon not having sex. That is not what is taught. Yes, there are some christian based classes that say saving yourself for your next commited relationship is in line with God's plans for you - it also says in those classes that it is a choice between you and a partner and what your religious beliefs as a couple are. Yes, the bible teaches us to save ourselves... but as humans we don't always do what is best according to the bible. The main teaching of those classes is to help you find healing. Some in those classes are going to chose not to have sex and others are not going to go without sex. To say either is wrong is not my place. All I want is for them to have healthy, baggage free relationships. It is not my place to decide if they have a christian life or otherwise. Those issues are between them and their partner and what their personal beliefs are. From reading your profile OP, you need to take the time to put into practice those techniques you were taught in that class and heal the emotional scars of divorce before you move on to a new relationship. You need to do that for yourself. The reason... you admitted you are still healing - that means you are not ready for a new relationship and it would not be fair to expose your baggage unnecessarily to someone else. Also, there is nothing wrong with taking time to heal - in fact, it takes a wise man to admit he needs healing and take that time. Don't let the baggage from an old relationship stop a new relationship from moving in a positive direction. Take time to heal and deal with the old... then you will find that when you do get out there and start dating again you have a better attitude and a better chance of having a good relationship - one that doesn't have baggage everywhere.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Hard Time Dating Posted: 6/14/2009 7:46:22 PM
OP, the advice you got regarding the profile update and adding different photos is good advice. Coming from someone who has had similar experiences as you in dealing with a serious illness and beating it... don't rush the relationship thing. Let it happen naturally and it will happen. I think after the whole brush with death when you are single it makes you think about how special life is and you immediately begin planning your future. The problem with that is... you can't force it. You have to take it slowly just as before if you want a good relationship. The best advice I ever got after I beat cancer was, just live for the moment for a while. if a guy comes along you are interested in, enjoy it and go from there. Don't' rush it, don't expect anything and just see where it goes. That was good advice looking back. I also know that after beating cancer it is one of those things where you reevaluate your life and being single seems like the last thing you want to be. Don't make the mistake of thinking someone is perfect because of those fears/thoughts. Make sure you really find out first. Good luck OP.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 89 (view)

Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about? Posted: 6/14/2009 7:30:28 PM
Hey OP, before you diss the men... its a personal choice you make... you and you alone are the one who decides whether you are having sex or not having sex. Just because everyone thinks about it doens't mean that it happens all the time.... I admit there are times I think about it too, but it is my choice of whether or not to act upon those thoughts - not the man who is there or not there. It is my choice and my choice alone. I can't blame the other sex for my thoughts or my lack of thoughts. I can't blame them for any decision I make, good or bad as they were my choices. I made them freely and without pressure to make them. EDIT: Oh one more thing... Sex is an important part of a relationship and if you are not compatible, it makes for a very unfulfilling sex life....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Saying Thanks for the Date Posted: 6/12/2009 2:35:41 PM
Wow, I must be getting old or something! I always say thank you for a great time at the end of the evening... If I am interested in them and would like to see them again, I relay that information also. That way before we part ways, we have a clear understanding of interest.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Women.......Uggghhh Posted: 6/12/2009 2:30:26 PM
I hate women who cry - victim.... and unless she was raped physically against her will with a clear definition of "NO" in there... she has no one to blame but herself. It takes two to tango as the old saying goes ...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Fickle Posted: 6/12/2009 1:29:58 PM
I would say thanks, but not at this time and move on.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Trust issues Posted: 6/11/2009 12:59:15 PM
OP... actions speak louder than words. Trust is something that is easily broken and hard to mend.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

GF boring in bed getting to point where i'm not interested in her at all Posted: 6/11/2009 12:56:56 PM
Adrenalineontwowheels is absolutely right... it begins long before the bedroom scene. Bottomline is... you have two choices. 1 - stay with her and try to resolve the issues with communication and counseling or, 2 - end the relationship.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Strong and Gentle Posted: 6/11/2009 12:49:53 PM
This will probably get my girlie girl card taken away, but what the heck... OP, I've known very few men who don't possess a soft side. The real question is when do they show that side and who do they show it to? Most men don't bring out the soft side and show that to everyone... they only share it with those that capture their hearts....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 96 (view)

his credit card declined when he went to pay? Posted: 6/9/2009 8:15:26 AM
OP, there are any number of reasons his card was declined. You can't make any assumptions about his ability to pay. My card was declined recently because I had used it too much one day... a safety thing banks do now. All it takes is a phone call and the abilility is back to use the card. Also, I hardly, if ever, carry cash anymore. I highly doubt most people do. As for his not saying he couldn't pay before hand, who knows why he didn't. My guess is that he either didn't realize his card would be declined or he played you. Either way, you are the only one who can figure out what you want to do. Good luck OP.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

Does not understand Posted: 6/9/2009 8:02:56 AM
I'm sorry to hear what apparently has happened; however, I have two questions for you? Why are you even considering having anything to do with this man? Do you not care enough about yourself to see that you will dumped on the side of the road again if you don't make some changes in your life? Good luck OP, sounds like you have a lot of issues to work on.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

How online dating is working? Posted: 6/8/2009 11:15:30 AM
^^^^^ Yes, that pretty much sums it up...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Women, what's in the air???? Posted: 6/8/2009 11:12:36 AM
OP, you are the common denominator.... Apparently, you don't ask enough of the right questions to filter out the women you keep ending up with. I suggest you go back and read the email conversations and see if you have any red flags you ignored in the past ... and learn to pay attention to those red flags in the future.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

what if it doesn't work out? Posted: 6/8/2009 11:06:56 AM
OP, it is a trial and error process. You have to figure out what you are comfortable saying to someone when the connection or click isn't there. However, whatever you choose to say, make sure it is honest. One thing I was told early on is not to put unrealistic expectations on the whole process of online dating. Just go for fun and try to enjoy yourself even if you don't feel the connection. Reason, you may find a really good friend instead. Good luck OP....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 95 (view)

Shocked! how can someone be so demoralising! Posted: 6/7/2009 9:31:54 AM
Its called reality. Reality is that is what "he" needs to be happy. That has nothing to do with you, nor does it have a degrading tone towards women in general. He simply put out those things which are important to him. Let's face it... we ALL have some things we need or want in order to have a good mate, relationship or date. A person's profile regardless of what is stated in it is just that... an insight into what a person is looking for, who they are and what they would like to find... some are better than others naturally, but reality is... its about them, not you. He is speaking about him and what he is looking for... not what you are looking for. Look at it this way too... if you know you don't have those things... click next... and you don't waste time and have an opportunity to focus on possibly finding someone who does click with you.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Lady's tasting there own sweetness Posted: 5/31/2009 6:57:36 PM
I love tasting my sweetness... tasting my sweetness is erotic, sensual and a huge turn on for most guys to see you do it....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

When do I say I have had cancer or do I? Posted: 5/21/2009 8:34:27 PM
Hi OP, I am a cancer survivor. I tell up front because if they can't handle it now, they definitely won't be around later. Why waste my time or theirs? I know that my thinking is not what most consider the way to go, but the men who are still in my life and have been in my life in the past they always admired the courage, the spirit and the attitude of my still living life large... Yes there some who can't handle it, but I can tell you from an experience there are those that do so and do it very well. I also think you have to be ready to tell someone when you are comfortable doing so. It is personal and does require sharing a hard part of your life with someone. Good luck OP..... I know you will survive this too! EDIT: As for the scars, I don't worry about them anymore... I had a very wise man once tell me they are just reminders of the fact I did survive a terrible time and that with each line of the scar, I am still here...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

What do we men need? Posted: 5/21/2009 11:46:50 AM
Great answer Bobisthe14u! Thing is... women need companionship too... and personally, as good as my life is... if you want to cook for me, I'll let you... if you want to rub my feet, wash my car.... great... If you want to get rid of critters - I needed you last week! As for giving you a warm, knowing smile... I can definitely handle that in exchange!

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 32 (view)

Do you leave when the all has gone? Posted: 5/20/2009 11:00:30 PM
j!dub great posts. I personally think it is a healthy balance of having common interests, seperate interests and a desire to share both. Once the infatuation/newness of a relationship wears off, you have to have common interests/goals/values etc. in order to keep yourself connected on a basic level, but you also have to have something to share of yourself that the other wants to try/share/experience with you.... to keep things fresh and interesting. I think most if not all here would say that having a good life means they are okay being alone, but would like to share life with someone else... if its a quality addition to their lives...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Conversations with someone who is dying Posted: 5/20/2009 10:32:10 PM
That is a hard one OP, but when I was faced with it... both on being the person being there and then when I was sick and the potential was there for me to die, listening is key. Thank them for what they shared with you.... then sit back and just let them guide the conversation.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Is this a self-esteem issue with men? Posted: 5/20/2009 1:32:41 PM
Definitely two possibilities here... 1. Self esteem issue. We all recognize those issues; or 2. He is so in love with her he doesn't see things clearly. I think we've all been more in love with someone than they are us before. Clouds our judgment for a while. If this is the case, he will come around and say "out of here" to her. Either way, he is responsible for his relationship life/history. You as a friend can only offer support. Good luck OP, it is tough to be on the outside looking in...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

When people dont turn up Posted: 5/20/2009 1:24:08 PM
Has nothing to do with gender or sexual orientation... it is just plain laziness and a lack of manners...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Why Is It So Wrong Posted: 5/19/2009 2:35:11 PM
OP, you should do what you think is best for you, not what your family thinks is best. Don't sacrifice yourself and what you need to make family happy.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

shy Posted: 5/19/2009 1:44:56 PM
OP next time you are out take a look around and find someone whom you think might be shy based on their being alone, quiet, etc.... and cross the room and just say Hi... and go for it. Odds are you are not the only shy person in the room and sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns... and break the ice for another shy person. When you do it often enough it becomes more natural. Good luck....

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 78 (view)

Cant people like this be reported? Posted: 5/19/2009 1:38:52 PM
OP, it is sad when this happens.... I would just block him and then use his "azzhole" comments to remind you about the good experiences you had...

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Had the best date ever!! Posted: 5/19/2009 1:36:51 PM
I apologize in advance for my comment... but the men responding here are really negative. Does it really matter what kind of motorcycle? Does it really matter what it did or didn't have on it? The OP was posting a nice comment, sharing a nice internet dating outcome and the men who complain women have nothing nice to say about men... bashed her... or made petty comments. Had sad... Also, not all bikers are drug users. Talk about a cheap shot. I personally think you guys are just jealous the comments were not favorable towards you.... I can't believe you are not giving her kudos for posting nice reference to a male counterpart.... you should probably turn in your man cards now.

catkin2007

Joined: 12/18/2007

Msg: 11 (view)

Had the best date ever!! Posted: 5/17/2009 4:31:50 PM
Thanks for reminding us why were are here! Sounds like you had a perfect date and one that will be on your mind for a while.

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