Accepting People the way they are, and Friendship.... chat & forums.

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khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Accepting People the way they are, and Friendship.... Posted: 9/4/2008 1:44:03 PM
I have no idea ahy people say tat you have to accept people the way they are. Why? If they are jackasses then they can be that on their own time. You do not need then in your life at all You are getting two totally unrelated positions blurred. Accepting someone does not mean let the person mistreat you. It also doesn't mean hang out with them or keep them in your life. It means, don't force change on them, and don't be judgmental. I can love a bengal tiger and accept it for what it is, but that doesn't mean that it is smart of me to climb into the cage with it. Complaining that the tiger needs to be changed so that I can go into the cage with it, is narcissistic and selfish. Judging it as cruel, or violent is really quite silly. It just is what it is. Accept it with its limitations, but behave sensibly with regard to yourself. We have to DEMAND the rescpect we get or we will get none. Not at all. Demanding it is the surest way to never get it. What you will get is appeasement, but never respect. Respect must be earned, you can't force it. You can be such a jacka** that people give you what you ask for just to shut you up and get you to go away. But I assure you, those people don't respect you.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

why does success not work the same for both genders? Posted: 8/26/2008 9:42:15 AM
what do you think about the following observation that success does not attract men the same way as success attracts women? Lots of studies have shown that marriages where the woman makes the same or more than the man are more likely to fail. Men get intimidated when the woman is more successful then they are, women think the man is an underachiever if he can't measure up to her, lots of dynamics go on, but the end result is successful women want even more successful men. I know several men who are perfectly happy being house husbands. I know only one woman who is willing to take care of one. I've seen several try, but they just can't handle it long-term. Anything we can do to help bring about a societal shift? Obviously, but the more important question is why do you judge the situation to be broken? Tall people and short people aren't picked equally for basketball teams... anything we can do to make a societal shift? Gold-medal winning female athletes are not looked upon by male athletes with any more desire than those who flunked out in the first round. I think you may be looking at this in the wrong way. Alphas consider other alphas to be competition. Usually egotistical guys want fawning brainless women. No, not all athletes are egomaniacs, but competitiveness by its very nature is ego-driven. I gotta win, I am the best, I gotta be number one, me me me me me. All ego. Why would two people who both want to be #1 want to be with each other? One of them has to lose. Sure for a while there'll be passion and competition, but someone has to lose and then the hard feelings will start to pile up. And the control games kick in. A smart competitive guy, is looking for a non-competitive woman. And pretty much by definition, that's not a gold medalist. Nerds on the other hand, have been masturbating to the likes of Red Sonya, Xena, etc for as long as the breed has existed. Women athletes, however, tend not to be interested in nerds, but rather people who enjoy physical activities.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Breast Reduction Posted: 8/26/2008 9:21:55 AM
Glad to hear it. Best of luck to you.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Breast Reduction Posted: 8/25/2008 3:15:22 PM
Bk0069, 32DD is not absurd at all. DD are "more in the 38+ size" ONLY among mainstream bra manufacturers, NOT among mainstream women's bodies (especially, I might add in England). There is an enormous disconnect between women's bodies and what lingere stores make for them to wear. For reference, try the following: Approximately 10,000 women a year have breast reductions carried out privately in the UK. However, Dr Alex Clarke, a clinical psychologist from the Royal Free Hospital in London, said that this could be money wasted, when all that was really needed was a better-fitting bra. She said: "Women have the opportunity to be properly fitted by an expert bra fitter when they visit the clinic. "This may be the first proper fitting they have had. "To date, 100% of those fitted have been wearing the wrong size - this results in the weight of the breasts being carried by the shoulders rather than the chest and contributes to back pain." The rest of the article can be found here: news -DOT- bbc -DOT- co -DOT- uk/2/hi/health/7342144.stm Other good resources: www -DOT- belladonnaeyes -DOT- co -DOT- uk /bra_fitting_part_01.htm www -DOT- bravissimo -DOT- com /perfectfit/wrong-size-bra/default.aspx Now, as for Shonna, the most important thing when choosing a plastic surgeon: Did you speak to any of his/her previous patients? If you haven't I strongly recommend trying. Nearly every surgeon will be willing to give you a reference, and that person can tell you how the doctor treated them, and if there was a problem, how the doctor handled it. Now, if you found your doctor via a recommendation, that's a different story.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Question from a friend Posted: 8/25/2008 2:41:54 PM
Others have hit the main points so I thought I'd just add that many men are really not good at electronic communication, and prefer face to face. If your friend and this guy work well when they are together, then the solution is to setup more dates and have her talk it over face to face. And I will also vote that he may be here for the forums, not looking for someone else. Especially if he isn't good at staying in touch. Reading forums is a lot easier than answering email.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Good reading Posted: 8/19/2008 2:03:17 PM
I need a good Steven King book. It's not entirely his usual fare, but the darktower series were quite entertaining.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

When is it ok to wonder how someone feels about you? Posted: 8/19/2008 9:59:07 AM
Most people contributing here are at least in theory, fine with having these issues raised, and seem to agree with my reasoning so why in practice does it result in a negative response? Could be timing, and by that I don't mean too soon as you'd asked, but rather context. As a really bad example, right after a mention of a movie plot involving cheating, is not the right time to say, "oh, that reminds me-" And delivery matters as well. If you are the sort who defends before being accused, that sometimes can be bad. "I'm not suggesting this is the case, but-" really makes people think that it is the case and you're just trying to be polite. If you don't do that, great, but I'm throwing it out as a possibility. If you're uncomfortable when you bring it up, it will likely make the guy uncomfortable. If you're turning down a physical advance and then immediately bringing it up, he might be frustrated by the temporary rejection and take it out on the message, when under normal circumstances he wouldn't mind. In your profile, I'd drop the "edit:" and the italics and just give the statement as much weight as the rest. Calling attention to it, is unnecessary. It can come off as hostile. Understatement is confidence. Defensiveness is coming from fear. As they say, like calls to like. I know, I know, nothing is ever that simple and no one here is going to come up with any miraculous insight Never underestimate the ability of a group of random strangers to surprise you. Don't expect it, but don't rule it out either.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 85 (view)

What makes men so mean and bitter after break up? Posted: 8/18/2008 3:21:59 PM
don't u wish life had one of those buttons? lol Life does have an ignore button: it's called having really scary friends. In my case, a Belorussian with mob ties, and a really big marine. When they tell someone never to bother me again it works on the first try.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

When is it ok to wonder how someone feels about you? Posted: 8/18/2008 3:18:56 PM
At what point is it ok to ask for a commitment not to see other people, or at least break up with you first if it looks like happening? To me, these are totally unrelated questions. Ask or a commitment not to see other people whenever you actually want the relationship to be exclusive, whether you are physical or not. Ask for the other person to let you know they aren't seeing you anymore after you've had three dates or more, or after you agree to refer to each other as dating. at what point is it not too soon to ask? I don't think it is ever too soon. Hell, I had one woman move in with me on the first date. We had the exclusivity talk on the first date. But then again, it was an unusual circumstance. If someone doesn't like being asked is it always because they know they can't give you the answer they think you want and dont want to rock the boat or does being asked give you a bad impression in some other way? Ok, first off, anyone who will give you "the answer they think you want" is not someone you want to be dating. Anyone who gets upset at YOU instead of themself for not being able to do that, is not someone you want to be dating. That said, there are lots of other reasons ranging from control issues, fear of commitment, to being a psycho.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Anyone up for a swim across Lake Washington? Posted: 8/18/2008 3:06:49 PM
Promise them cake.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 81 (view)

What makes a good man? Posted: 8/18/2008 3:03:38 PM
The truth is a good person man or woman is in the mind of the beholder. I get what you're saying here, but really, I'm hoping a good woman ends up in my hands/arms not just my mind. We don't need to patronize or even make mountains out of mole hills when it comes to each other very, very solid point. Though I will add the correlary: Remember to call a mountain a mountain. You're not doing anyone a favor by stuffing your emotions when it really is a big deal. But don't react like it is a big deal when it really is only a molehill. I'm with you 100% on that one.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Older? on the scrap heap! Posted: 8/13/2008 9:48:01 AM
Does the age of a woman affect her dating status? Yes. It can help or harm her depending on the guy's preferences. This isn't any different than any other trait a person possesses. True to a point. There are some traits that are vastly more popular than others. Right now, in the developed world, thin is way more popular than fat. That said, there are men who are only interested in women who are not just overweight, but obese. Young is rather a lot more popular than old. Really though, the trick is in staying in shape not only physically, but also mentally. Many people in their 30s and 40s start to change their mindset. They become cynical, stop dreaming, stop trying to learn, stop craving wild experiences. They say it is age slowing them down, but really it is a loss of hope and dreams and being burned out. Very sad. It shows in both the body and the mind. I prefer younger women to those in the 30s with me for this reason. But I've met quite a few 40+ who were still very alive and a ton of fun. And I'm not talking about rock concerts or bungie jumping either. It's all the little decisions day in and day out. The general attitude and way of life. Remember how to have fun and play.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

FWB - From very kinky to slightly more then vanilla? Posted: 8/12/2008 9:16:00 AM
And yes, I've tried asking him why the turnaround but he seems reluctant to discuss it and keeps changing the subject and I don't want to push it if it's for some reason a sensitive subject. He just keeps saying he's realized he doesn't need all of the really kinky stuff anymore. Sounds to me like he had a really bad experience. Not necessarily a threesome that went bad, but maybe someone he cares about mocking or shaming him, who knows. But his response is not calm and secure, it's stuffed. He almost certainly is still interested, but no longer feels free to express it. That's my best guess from what you presented.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 58 (view)

WHY LOOK FOR LOVE ON A DATING SITE? Posted: 8/12/2008 9:09:42 AM
I got what you were talking about, its the "You don't find love, love finds you" That if you reworded it slightly, "You don't find the stalker, the stalker finds you" with the image of cupid, was just funky.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Can honesty deter the players? Posted: 8/11/2008 1:05:00 PM
It all depends on how you say what you say, and how honest you are with yourself about your motives. It seems to me like you aren't ready for a relationship yet, and should spend a while single learning to enjoy yourself. Worry about dating next spring. Do any players actually have a conscience if you tell them about your hard life and how you can't handle being played one more time? Do any? Yes. Most? No. Most will see you as vulnerable, and tell you what you want to hear, leveraging your honesty as a tool against you. They are players, by definition, they are the jerks who abuse you for their own benefit. Will the good ones stick and the players decide to move on and NOT hurt you given your circumstances if shared? No the good ones will see you as needy and broken and not ready for a long-term relationship. The good ones will be a friend and help pick you up, but will not want to be in a relationship with you until after that process is over. Codependent-types will appear to be really nice and stick around, but they're not really helping you, and you are unlikely to have a healthy long-term relationship. In exactly the same way that a football player should not feel bad for having a broken arm and needing to miss a few games while it heals, don't take anything I am saying as criticism of you as a person. Come back later when you feel better. People are very often cruel. Don't get in the fire if you aren't ready for the heat.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

WHY LOOK FOR LOVE ON A DATING SITE? Posted: 8/11/2008 12:54:44 PM
it finds you when you aren't looking! Does that make anyone else imagine cupid as a psycho stalker? Or just me.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have??? Posted: 8/11/2008 9:43:56 AM
I'm not sure if a group hug is in order, or if I should just go puke a bit. ;) Well then, let's do a group villainous laugh instead! Muhahahahahahahaha

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 73 (view)

What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have??? Posted: 8/11/2008 9:42:44 AM
Given your definition, one persons flaws may be another persons preference. I didn't give a definition, though I can see why you would have assumed I did. That said, your premise is unsound. Simply because some people prefer a thing, does not make it a non-flaw. The fact that there is a person who actually wants to date a sociopath, does not change the fact that extreme mental disorders are flawed. The existence and opinion of true masochists, not the BDSM kind, but the ones whose brains are miswired such that what feels like pain to you (broken arm) feels good to them, doesn't make a broken bungee cord any less of a flaw. Now, as to whether being short should be considered a flaw, that is a another discussion entirely. And one, in which I have not taken a side, I shall point out.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Why is it??? Posted: 8/8/2008 5:11:00 PM
I understand the notion of Posts being deleted based on valid criteria, but the way it came across was that there were just a few who felt "violated" without even trying to understand the points being made and immediately jumped at deleting. Welcome to teh interwebs. Here you will find a large number of very vocal people who seem to be unhappy no matter what. These people really enjoy being upset and casting themselves as victims. Your talking about them feeling "violated" is a warning sign that you were quite likely dealing with this sort. They take offense to anything they can possibly misinterpret and are frequently hypocritical. We refer to them as trolls. Trolls tend to post a whole lot, and actually contribute not at all. However, the sheer number of them, attracted by the dual baits of anonymity and an audience, may come as a surprise to people with healthy sensibilities. At least, we call them trolls while on forums that don't allow vulgarity.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have??? Posted: 8/8/2008 5:03:46 PM
The title of this post was "flaws", so anyone posting height in this shows a lack of class.. Not in the slightest. It is not a thread about friends, or dates, but rather MATES = potential genetic partners. Physical traits are completely fair game.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Why guys want to meet right away? Posted: 8/8/2008 4:45:29 PM
I'm the sort who prefers to meet right away. After all, if I saw a woman at a cafe, or store and I was interested, I'd walk over and talk to her, and possibly ask her out right there. I wouldn't pass a note that says "send me a letter". Profiles don't say much, pictures lie, and you can't get voice, inflection, emphasis, or lots of other subtle things. Not to mention, people lie. There's just no substitute for a face-to-face meeting. I've seen the woman's profile, there's almost no chance that email alone will alter that opinion of her. The profile would have to have been empty or very misleading for that to be the case. So if I'm interested at all, I'm interested in meeting face to face. I think your key words are here: "The kind of guy who EXPECTS THIS is completely wrong for me". That is dead on the money. Kinda gotta be a jerk to expect it. Ask for what you want sure, but realize that different people have different limits and exactly as you say, you don't know each other yet, you've just seen each other's profiles. Being pushy is really bad form, and throws up way too many red flags. But there's no harm in asking politely. Just include some conversation starters so there's still something to talk about. If my sister or mother dated someone after one meeting or on a first invite, I would--and actually have--cheer them on.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Connection Posted: 8/8/2008 4:33:39 PM
How often have I had a really good connection? More often than I was able to date the girl in question. Is it rare to meet someone you think is a version of yourself? No. But it is not something you can force, and it is in general, a waste of time looking for. Dating people very much different from yourself will show you that variety really is fun. There are things you will want to have in common, but the variations will really pay off. For instance, I know lots of couples where both spend way too much time and energy trying to let the other one make the decision (whatever you want for dinner is fine... well, I'm easy so whatever you want is fine with me... I can't decide so whatever you want...etc, and etc, and etc). If they broke up and both started dating more assertive people instead of someone "just like them", they'd be a lot happier. Would I settle for someone I didn't have a connection with? No. But the depth of the connection could vary. For instance, on a one-night-stand you just need a physical connection. For a life-long-commitment you need more than that.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Warm and welcoming Posted: 8/7/2008 1:03:48 PM
Give him a wink and a Mae West flounce and purr , " Hey Sailor , new in town ? " Considering how promiscuous Mae West was, I don't think emulating her is a good idea if the goal is to avoid coming off as offering sex. And I would give the advice that you are responsible for your own actions and intentions. How the other idiot misinterprets them is their own fault. There are some guys who will take speaking to them as an offer for sex.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have??? Posted: 8/7/2008 1:00:45 PM
The "list" guys that I've met haven't necessarily been jerks as much as they've been unrealistic. True for all the "list" women I've met as well. Anytime you start your list saying "I only want blah blah blah, that's not so much to ask" you're acting from depression, shame, and fear and you are trying to bargain with fate/God/the universe, etc. You're also trying to cast yourself as the victim in an emo melodrama ("I didn't ask for much and I didn't even get that, oh woe is me the world is so unfair"). Anytime you end your list with "Or they aren't worth my time" you are acting from ego/pride/narcisissm/vanity and are trying to cast yourself as the victim in an emo melodrama ("All wo/men are scum and beneath me, I am doomed to a lonely life of solitude, oh woe is me. the world is so unfair").

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Ok guys lets hear them! Posted: 8/7/2008 12:51:43 PM
Hmm, that's funny, the exact same logic has lead us to directly opposed positions. wanting to act fast is exactly the reason why I don't plan ahead. I want to be able to do something immediately and not have to check a planner and get back to you about a date two weeks from now. Way too slow. Let's go get a drink RIGHT NOW! Planning ahead is a total waste of time. And it's not anything to do with a better offer.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Ok guys lets hear them! Posted: 8/6/2008 9:31:03 AM
Newtowa, see how under Leb's name there is no link to a profile while there is under yours? That means the person has deleted their account with POF and no longer exists on the site.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Being added as a Favorite...?? Posted: 8/6/2008 9:29:26 AM
It also lets you see how recently someone has logged in and what changes they've made to their profile. If someone has you as a favorite (not if you have them as a favorite) you can match them with an appropriate profile to set them up with someone else you know. Many people talk about using a favoriting to try and get around the restrictions on messaging. So if someone has a limit "must live withing 50 miles" and you live 52 miles away, make them a favorite, and maybe they will message you, then you can reply.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 42 (view)

Your sexual detail Posted: 8/5/2008 10:06:04 AM
I have two male friends who talk very openly about anything at all and it is very cool. I open up and tell them anything in return. But none of my other friends ask, and with those others I don't volunteer. Oddly enough I'm more likely to go into detail with my women friends than my male friends, when someone actually does get around to asking specific questions. One of the two will tell total strangers the full answer to any question they ask. He is totally fantastic. At a party where he and I knew NO ONE but each other and his girldfriend who had brought us, someone made a joke about threesomes, and he just started comparing it to his own experiences. Complete with hand positions, dialog, and leg cramps. I'm so sad he moved away and we don't hang out any more. Moments like those are priceless.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

do you like to test drive a girl? Posted: 8/5/2008 9:57:36 AM
Thanks for the advice but it's honestly just a picture and doesn't mean anything like that! But I guess I can see how it could be interpreted that way...I shall take it down. You might think that, but the primary use for tongue piercings is to improve performance of oral sex. So showing one off really is sending that message to a lot of people.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

What are you really looking for??? Posted: 8/4/2008 2:27:40 PM
Why did this turn into an argument? Because it is a web forum. Arguments are a given. Don't take them personally, lots of people only come to forums to start arguments and see if they can piss other people off. We call them trolls. Why do the men assume that at your age you should look like a 20-year old? Because this is online and they have a store mentality: "Look lots of pretty women on the website for me to pick from, if I don't see the exact perfect person I can keep looking !" It is stupid, but there it is. Also, keep in mind that while you are being honest, lots of women 50+ pounds overweight are posting only headshots and claiming to be "average". Which makes a number of men overly cynical. (Yes I am perfectly aware that men do this one too). Welcome to the wide world of "teh interwebs".

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 5 (view)

Multiples vs. One or None & Motivation Posted: 8/4/2008 1:33:32 PM
~Multiple: Depends on circumstances, no I'm not aiming to get a record when we only have 20 minutes before we have to leave the house. But given ideal circumstances, yes, every time is aiming high. ~Only One: When faced with this, I did get her to have more. It was technique that was the issue and figuring out what did work was fun. ~Never had one: Only had one experience with this. She would make me stop whenever she got close. Wasn't anything I could do to convince her otherwise. Didn't stop me from trying though.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 88 (view)

For the gamer guys...What are your favorite types of video games? Posted: 8/4/2008 12:50:57 PM
wish I could find one made for the Xbox and usable on Xbox live. Anyone know of anything similar? PhantasyStar Online was console-based. But I forget which one. Also the upcoming Diablo III will be playable on at least the PS3. Since Sony seems to have a hard time keeping releases exclusive there is a good bet it will show up on the 360 as well. If you like battlemechs look into ChromeHounds and their online play. It's not entirely a perpetual world scenario since it resets, but it's still pretty decent as far as consoles go. If you just want something low-key the Champions of Norrath games (two of them at least) for PS2 were EverQuest-lite. But while they use all the mechanics etc from EverQuest, they are turned into a single-player game, not an online game. And regarding your request as to how a guy posted this on Ask a Guy? Note that it was posted in 2006, perhaps the rules were different. Also, moderators can move threads maybe one moved this here. Though I can't imagine why.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Tacky Tacks Posted: 8/4/2008 12:42:10 PM
If you paid for something and they did not deliver, then have them come back and fix it. I'm guessing you missed the bit about where she said that the company who installed it vanished?

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have??? Posted: 8/1/2008 9:40:51 AM
it does however make some men mad that i have made this choice. I've heard an elderly man in an argument upset at his doctor for proposing therapy to help him walk and to not need his wheelchair. The guy was shouting that he's an old man and he earned the right to be taken care of and how dare the doctor try to make him healthy and take that away from him.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 74 (view)

How bad is it to show up at the door unannounced? Posted: 7/31/2008 2:29:53 PM
Hmm. Despite the comment on no excuse for not calling and the consensus on don't do it, I'm wading in on the other end. My door is left unlocked from 6:00am until 10:00pm every day. When people come by, we (my roommates and I) are more likely to shout "It's open come in" than go to the door and find out who it is. Makes delivery people uncomfortable. We tell all our friends--and this specifically includes women we are hoping to date--to stop by unannounced at will. As Jim and Limeshines discussed, that doesn't mean that we always have time for you right there, but hey, stop by and say hello.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

When should a girl consider herslef the guys boyfriend? Will you be my boyfriend??? Posted: 7/31/2008 2:21:47 PM
Well should I bring it up....i dont want to sound too childish.......Are you my boyfriend...or am officaly single...I just dont know i mean i feel so dumb asking As a general rule, if it is bothering you, then yes you should bring it up. Doesn't matter what "it" is. Don't worry about sounding childish. Be confident, clear in what you want and who you are and you will sound adult enough. And 3 dates in 5 months is definitely not a boyfriend. But if they are going well, definitely have an "I'd like to see more of you--A LOT more of you" talk, and see where it goes. Good luck!

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Summer is nice but I miss the rain at times Posted: 7/31/2008 9:06:41 AM
If there is such a thing as too much rain, I have never experienced it.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

Why would a guy care how much a girl dated? Posted: 7/30/2008 10:14:56 AM
That strikes me as the kind of comment a guy makes when he can't think of something to say and is nervous, and then he is kicking himself on the inside wishing he hadn't said it.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 10 (view)

Summer is nice but I miss the rain at times Posted: 7/29/2008 2:47:09 PM
I just rained today in Redmond. Supposed to rain again tomorrow. A friend in Mukilteo said it rained out by her too. I moved up here from California to get away from the sun. All my friends are more active in summer, but for me, in Fall when it rains a whole lot I just can't stay indoors. I put on my trenchcoat, my wide-brimmed hat, and off I go for a walk.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 184 (view)

Cold Responce vs. Read/Deleted Posted: 7/29/2008 8:29:21 AM
If they place themselves on the available list, it would generally be considered polite to respond, even if it's to take two whole seconds to say "Sorry. You're not what I'm looking for." It shows culture and a mind/personality that remembers that they, in fact, are not God's gift to men/women... I find such things highly ironic when I find them searching for connections on a social site like this. One would think they'd already learned they're exactly not the very thing they believe themselves to be. I find that this statement can be turned on its head. Understanding that their time is precious and not holding the lack of response against them shows culture and a mind/personality that remembers that one is not entitled to all the attention that one desires. It's a simple rule: If it is a small thing for them to do, then it is not a big thing if they don't do it.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

Seriously, what is the deal with men in WA and motorcycles? Posted: 7/24/2008 9:38:43 AM
Both times the motorcycle operators were not at fault. Let's assume for a moment they were both experienced, safe riders. Would you want to ride with them? They're both dead now. I used to work in automotive publishing, and one of the magazines I worked on was Hot Bike which caters to Harley fans who like to customize their bikes. My favorite editor used to joke about his retirement plan being disability payments caused by losing a limb in an accident that wasn't his fault. If he died then he didn't need to worry about retiring, since he quits!

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Looking for new music. Posted: 7/23/2008 10:21:02 AM
James Newell Osterberg, Jr. Better known as Iggy Pop. But what's with all the older bands? Try someone new. Track down 16 Volt. Just had a concert downtown last week. Was a good show.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Why is it??? Posted: 7/23/2008 10:17:07 AM
When a hijacking is done to turn a threat into a flame war, yeah, that's lame. I'll definitely agree to that.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

What does this mean? Posted: 7/22/2008 9:21:35 AM
@ the OP: Funny is not a masculine nor feminine trait, it just is. Nearly everyone likes to laugh. Those who don't are usually not the sort you want anything to do with. @zenorica why don't they stick then? are men scared of women like that? Men leave for many reasons other than fear. Dislike, finding someone else, cons outweighing the pros, hitting one of their dealbreaker issues, trust, etc. Just because you have one trait that is positive, doesn't mean that every man who recognizes it and appreciates it will want to marry you for it. And it also doesn't mean that every man who leaves is scared of that trait or any other trait. It just means they don't think you are the person they want to be with. They may very well be wrong in that judgment, but it is probably not fear that is behind it.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Is it possible to love more than one woman? Posted: 7/22/2008 9:15:18 AM
I think the phrase "give your heart wholey" answers your question. If you give one person 100%, what do you have to give another? Love is not a commodity that you can run out of. The more you give, the more you have. Anything limited, or lacking, etc. is probably addiction/need and not love in the first place. As stated, can you love all three of your children? Is is 33%, 33%, 33%? Oh no, what about the cat and your brother and cousin! Hmm, better make that 25%, 25%, 25%, 5%, 15%, 5%... It starts getting really silly doesn't it? In the real world this is called cheating or having an affair. Usually attraction to a person; sexual; is the main reason for this. Again, this isn't normal. Only when deceit is involved. You also have open relationships, swingers, and all those poly____ terms. Like those cultures with multiple wives and multiple husbands. It's definitely not the "normal" terms of a relationship by America's definition, however. Nevertheless, it is only cheating if deceit is involved. Now, is it healthy? There is the much more interesting question.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Why is it??? Posted: 7/22/2008 9:02:42 AM
Ohhh and yes it is really easy for threads to go "sideways", people will say something, that other posters forget the original topic, and go with what one person has posted and disagree with. Then the whole thread no longer becomes what the OP has asked, but rather a pi$$ing match between one side verses another. Thread hijacking is an art form on some forums. In my opinion, if the thread has been on topic for a month or more, has several pages of on-topic conversation, and then goes off on a tangent, then it did pretty good. Conversations in real life wander. You and some friends start talking about the latest movie and that one scene reminds one of you about a book, which reminds someone else about a restaurant which reminds the first person about kumquats. A big part of the strength of a forum is how conversations wander and give everyone a chance to contribute. People say really insightful things sometimes, and sometimes the insight is more interesting than the original topic to more people.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Why is it??? Posted: 7/21/2008 12:28:55 PM
Anonymity + Audience = Trouble.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Why is it??? Posted: 7/21/2008 9:39:19 AM
But people don't have the time to go and look to see if a particular subject is already posted or not. If they don't have time to do a search, then they don't have time to use the forum and read the replies to their own post either. It's laziness. They don't want to look and are behaving selfishly. That should always be penalized and never encouraged. A much better argument involves how terrible this forum's search tool is. Unless there is a _Clear_ violation of 'Rules'....[All CAPS..Vulgarities...etc...] ..a person should be _Required_ to make a Public comment, as to their reasoning to vote a thread OFF... Anonymous voting is just - plain - Cowardice..!!! It's really not that simple. #1 not all 20 people who viewed a post voted on it. I know I view lots of posts, think to myself, "bleh, nothing here I care about" and leave. Many of those get removed later. I didn't vote, but I show up as having viewed it. #2 Jerks and angry people are far more willing to spend time violating rules than moderators are to clean them up. The less work you can make keeping a forum clean, the cleaner it will be. Adding difficulty to the process only makes the trolls a stronger presence. Requiring people to post to report a violation will have almost the same effect as removing the moderation tool altogether. A number of people will spend the time to click a button before going to a post that is worthwhile. No one will post an argument on the 3,682nd post on the same subject. To use some hyperbole. In this sort of instance it's not a problem, but you gotta realize the same rules will apply to every post. You really don't want to make it hard to moderate. #3 It's not cowardice. And insulting others like that is really not flattering to yourself. In any event, to the real subject at hand: with a system there will always be flaws. The trick is to find a system where the flaws are minimized. Hopefully that begins with selecting moderators who have a healthy dose of common sense and very thick skin. I did once see a moderator post a very short answer to the question about that rule. The guideline is, the two "ask a ___" forums are for advice from men/women, but everyone is allowed to participate in it. The forums exist to help men and women meet, if you discourage one group from participating in a thread then you're obstructing the very purpose for the site. Now, you say that thread in question didn't do this. That gets back to choosing the right moderators. Seems like either the moderator interpreted the post differently than you. Might mean the moderator was in a hurry and didn't even bother to look, or it might mean they took something out of context, who knows.

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have??? Posted: 7/21/2008 9:16:53 AM
That is, permanent or semi permanent Not willing to use the work around of tongues and toys?

khamya

Joined: 12/22/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

What one flaw would you NOT want your potential mate to have??? Posted: 7/18/2008 10:04:30 AM
I'll go a step farther than dental: Ugly. I don't mean unattractive or plain. I mean that if I do not want to look at the person, if when she comes into my sight my first reaction is to look away, that is a deal breaker. Drug use, even pot even if it is medicinal. I fully support people who want to, but I don't want to live with one ever again. And if there's no potential for living together, well, lets just be friends, I love friends and am always willing to make more. Children. Other people's? Fine. Mine (even the potentiality of step-children)? Not gonna happen. Over 18 or not doesn't matter. Hygiene. I'm quite healthy, my biggest flaws are that I don't shave as often as I should and I don't put the clean laundry away right off the bat so my clothes are usually wrinkly from sitting in the basket overnight (sometimes more than overnight). But bathing regularly, clean clothes, brushing your teeth, etc really are mandatory. Crusader/Victim. I mean the mentality. I don't want anyone who feels they need to champion a cause. Draw a line in the sand? Fine. Go out and start something? Pass. There's a whole mindset of fear and lack and need for control and the need to be right that go along with the crusader behavior that I just don't want to deal with. And by victim, I mean the chronic victim mentality. I'm not talking about someone who got robbed or assaulted, or abused. I mean the person who is constantly offended, constantly afraid, constantly blaming others and avoiding responsibility. "You complete me". Deal breaker right there. I don't want a broken person looking to be fixed. I don't want half a person. If she needs help, I am happy to be a friend. But if she needs to be married to feel complete, or is jealous of all her friends who are in couples, or can't take being single, or this or that. Pass.

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