Does anyone have anything good to say about their EX? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Does anyone have anything good to say about their EX?

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 166 (view)

Does anyone have anything good to say about their EX? Posted: 7/7/2009 7:25:27 AM
What an interesting thought, delving into the different perceptions of an ex, depending on whether or not you're the "dumper" or the "dumpee." I was the "dumpee." Married for 23 years to a man who I thought was a good guy. But, I guess he had a weakness that I didn't notice. In retrospect, I think he was not comfortable with uncomfortable truths. He got involved with a co-worker, did the good ol' extra-marital affair dance, divorced me and now they're married. He's claims to be living happily ever after. To hear him tell his version of our marriage, he claims that I ruined his life and that my expectations were too high. Outside observers said that my expectations weren't high enough. How I ruined his life was that he finished his last two years of college after our son was born. Then later he earned a masters degree. My family was supportive professionally and financially, assiting him greatly in his success. He was intelligent and a hard worker. When I met him he was a bartender. When he left me he was earning $8O, OOO and had me evicted from the home that my mother helped us purchase with the down payment. I was fairly young when I got married. If I were to do it again, I would be very choosy and objectively evaluate the guy's self-esteem. If his character is weak, I wouldn't get entangled with him.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

How many hidden rules behind the dating? Posted: 5/30/2009 9:51:10 AM
I've broken all of those rules and when I applied my own sense of style to relationships, those turned out to be the best ones. I think as men get older and wiser they resent being "played." You can be honest in a friendship, without chasing a man away. I think what drives men away is a woman who is clingy and dependent. I've met a few men who like being possessed by the right woman. In other words, if they man loves her he wants her to be possessive. If the guy doesn't make much effort and doesn't initiate things, then he doesn't have what it takes to be a partner in a relationship. WOmen who do all of the work are foolish because you are spoiling these guys. Let their mothers spoil them. I've had a lot of fun dating, especially after being married for over 20 years. I see so many of the younger women in their 20's and 30's just craving to be married, making a big deal about the wedding and thinking that marriage is going to be all about them, where they can have a home, with the Noritake china and 2 kids, a yard, a guy who works to provide and is a great lover in the sack. It's so much of an illusion. Dating with an agenda in mind takes the fun out of dating. Just enjoy yourself !!!

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Boyfriend went back to his ex - advice Posted: 10/2/2008 9:00:51 AM
that was darn good advice.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Boyfriend went back to his ex - advice Posted: 10/2/2008 9:00:10 AM
quit while you're ahead of the game. By not advocating for you while the ex-girlfriend was blaming you says it all. He's going to play one woman off the other and has most likely been lying to both of you. You said that the time and attention that his son needed took away from what you needed. Trust me, he'll always have SOME excuse. Be glad you're not counting on him to pay you child support. I know it's hard to write off four years with a guy who you thought was "the one." But he doesn't have what it takes. I don't know how old is, etc. but this kind of immaturity takes a long time to resolve itself. GOod Luck

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Husband and girlfriend move in together after only 1 month Posted: 10/1/2008 8:54:16 AM
yes, I agree. It is far too early in your separation for him to be pushing the OW onto your children. It always amazes me how these men think that the kids don't feel the pain of seeing their father act like a spineless fool. They see their dad hurting their mother. Perhaps someone could explain to dad that the kids need time to adjust to his selfish decisions. The OW is willing to pretend to love the kids, so that she can keep the guy happy. I went through the same thing that you're experiencing. You're the stable parent and you're kids are going to follow your lead.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 29 (view)

Husband and girlfriend move in together after only 1 month Posted: 9/30/2008 12:12:47 PM
he's the other woman's problem now. He sounds like a mama's boy. A spineless weakling, not someone who I would want for a boyfriend.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Husband and girlfriend move in together after only 1 month Posted: 9/30/2008 12:07:37 PM
If the OW moved into his mom's, she most likely doesn't have the means to get her own place. She sounds like a tramp. I don't know what kind of money he makes, but my guess is when his money becomes tight, she'll find someone else. They're a lot of users in this type of game.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Husband and girlfriend move in together after only 1 month Posted: 9/30/2008 12:03:45 PM
my ex-in laws did something similar. What was surprising was how religious they presented themselves to be. I lost a great deal of respect for most of them, except for one of the wives of a brother to my ex. I truly know the pain that you're experiencing but after a while you'll feel liberated.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Husband and girlfriend move in together after only 1 month Posted: 9/30/2008 11:59:41 AM
Get counseling for yourself. It won't help to include him. In fact, it will probably make you feel worse. Slowly you'll realize that he's not worth loving. The way in which he has brought this other women into your children's lives is down right crass and insensitive. And the other woman can't be that swift either.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Husband and girlfriend move in together after only 1 month Posted: 9/30/2008 11:56:26 AM
sorry to be the bearer of bad news but your so-to-be ex-husband is lying and has been cheating. Get yourself to your county courthouse ASAP and file for spousal and child support. Collect phone and bank records, and get yourself the best divorce settlement possible. It's not worth reconciliation because he has emotionally left you and your marraige. You and your children are entitled to support. But, what these guys do is make the girlfriend their first priority. Make sure that you and your children get what they need, instead of the girlfriend draining your assets. If you have a home-equity loan, write to the bank and have if frozen. DOn't let him take out a loan against your home or car, etc. Cancel your joint credit cards. He has been planning this exit for a long time and has probably already diverted money and done some damage. To quote my attorney: "where there is emotional infidelity, you will find financial infidelity. When the love is gone the only thing left is property and the only justice is a good settlement." My ex did the same to me but he underestimated me. I got 70% of the assets and four years of alimony. The other woman can't even get the retirement that was built during the marriage. In order for him to keep the OW happy, he needs to get rid of you. You have some power here. USE IT !!!!

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 174 (view)

Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable? Posted: 9/9/2008 6:07:40 PM
I thought that a prenup was a contract that clarifies whose assets belonged to whom before the marriage occured and if there were a divorce what would be the terms, such as whether or not alimony would be part of a divorce settlement. It does seem LAME for someone to stipulate what their spouses body would become in the future. Sometimes people gain weight because of medications that are necessary for a serious illness, such as rheumatoid arthritis, etc. I think that prenups are a practical tool for people who are marrying and already have children and assets before the marriage. But what this guy is proposing is LAME. If a guy proposed marriage and then presented me with a prenup that specified what I would be expected to look like , it would make me wonder about his values and his ability to love the person and not the body. I've found that people who objectify other people's bodies and shallow and materialistic.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 45 (view)

Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable? Posted: 9/6/2008 3:08:39 PM
yes, I've also noticed that the posters with the most nervy types of forums don't post pics.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable? Posted: 9/6/2008 3:07:34 PM
that goes both ways. Men let themselves "go" also. They experience losses, like women. They loose their jobs, stamina and performance, etc. There is no way I'd marry someone who has your attitude. I let myself "go" for a few years during the marriage because I was burned out and couldn't really take care of myself. Then when we split, I focused on myself and look better than I've looked in 15 years. So, if your ex-wives have let themselves "go" perhaps it's because they're exhausted from being married to you.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 334 (view)

Are there any men looking for true love for a lifetime? Posted: 8/31/2008 8:52:37 AM
Men make very conscious choices. When a guy is ready to make a comittment, after he's had a lot of fun, he usually makes a comittment and marries the women he's with at that certain point in his life. My ex-husband was 23 when we got married. He was far too young and I wish that I had waited to get married until I was at least 30. I think it would've been much easier with a more mature person. What i find somewhat amusing now that I'm middle aged and dating after being married for 24 years is that the men in their late fourties and early fifties are looking for comittment because they're tired of having to chase after women. They're tired. So if you want a guy who wants to commit, check out older ones.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

People w/ Grown Children: Would you ever marry again? Posted: 8/30/2008 8:56:43 PM
No, I won't get married again. Marriage is a legal situation and the spouse has more legal authority than a biological child. My concern about getting married at this point is what another divorce would cost, not so much in my pre-marital assets, but in legal fees. Sadly, I've witnessed friends who have gotten married and been ripped off by the spouse and the children are left with nothing.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 183 (view)

Is intelligence a key characteristic for you? Posted: 8/30/2008 11:55:13 AM
For myself, intelligence (not so much intellectualism) is one of the key characteristics that turn me on when I meet a guy. A blue collared guy who is also intelligent I think it the perfect blend in a man.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 64 (view)

Never married geniuses Posted: 8/30/2008 11:49:05 AM
I've found that people with high intellect who are very successful are choosey about who they love. They have so much going for themselves that receiving love from someone else isn't a great need for them. They're usually very secure individuals. However..... people with high intelligence can be difficult partners. I'm considered somewhat intelligent but being with someone who is "gifted" intellectually would be intimidating for me. Since I began online dating a few years ago, I've noticed many men who haven't been married by the time they approach late 40's, early 50's. That tells me that they're not likely to compromise, which would make comittment and marriage unlikely. It's good to be choosey, but if a person feels that everyone they meet isn't good enough for them, then I think that person would be difficult to please and share love. Many people think that a bachelor who's never been married carries not baggage, but I'd prefer to take my chances on a man who is divorced. At least he made an attempt at comittment and perhaps the divorce triggered some growth for him.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 167 (view)

Would you open you marriage to save it? Posted: 8/30/2008 7:15:59 AM
I don't know if I would feel comfortable with an open marriage, but whatever works for the two people who are in the marriage is what matters. I guess having an open marriage is better than cheating and having to be dishonest with your spouse.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

what is he really saying? Posted: 8/30/2008 6:53:55 AM
sorry you're hurting. this person is a runner and would've have done the same thing eventually. At least it happened early in the relationship before you invested too much time and money into it. Leave him alone, don't contact him and if it were me and he contacted me again, I'd be very cool and uninviting.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

Did I get what I deserved Posted: 8/19/2008 5:13:13 AM
Hi, Sorry you had to go through this. A guy who loves a woman doesn't blame her when he cheats. If he started the fight perhaps he was planning on being with the other woman anyway. Arguments are standard in relationships. But this guy moved on to someone else in a few hours and then blames you !!! Did you get what you deserved ? Absolutely not, you deserve better, a more mature guy.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 109 (view)

Red flag statements or questions Posted: 8/16/2008 10:51:11 AM
I would've had the same concerns, as you did. She may be looking for a guy who will let her move into his place because her place isn't as nice as his or she has bad credit and a landlord won't rent to her because she's a bad risk. It's somewhat sad, isn't it, to have to date on the defensive, wondering what someone's motives would be wanting to push a relationship along quickly. I've had a few dates that were too focused on questions about what I possessed. It gave me the creeps. These types of people are users and arent' capable of substance, either as friends or as lovers. Let the bottom feeders have their own circle of friends. I'll take a quality person, anyday, as opposed to some slick dude who has no substance.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 57 (view)

WRITING TO PRISON PENPALS..YR THOUGHTS Posted: 8/8/2008 8:58:04 PM
I'd say that she needs to understand that prisoners have a lot of time on their hands and can be HIGHLY manipulative.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 1304 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 8/8/2008 8:55:15 PM
The situation of an older woman/younger guy has a lot to do with what each person is looking for at that perticular state of their life. Most of the men in their late fourties, and fifties are looking to get married again. They've figured out that the quality of their lives are better with a wife. Many women my age want nothing to do with getting married again. So, if a younger guy is interested and is a good lover and a fun boyfriend, why be so fixated on a long-term comittment. People don't keep comittments, anyway, so why make one ? What matters is if a man is respectful and considerate.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 75 (view)

she has been diagnosed with bipolarism Posted: 8/6/2008 3:54:24 PM
She might be bipolar, but she's probably also has a personality disorder, also. If she has no remore for the way she is mistreating people who care about her and alienating your dad from his family, she's going to be a difficult person to live with, no matter how much medication she takes. I hope your dad doesn't marry her. She sounds like a user. She has one h... of a lot of nerve saying that his money is HER money. If I were you, it would alarm me that she could absorb assets of your dad's that he may want to share with HIS children and grandchildren. I continue to be amazed at the feeling of entitlement that second wives have for a man's money when he has children. Good Luck !!

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 196 (view)

do I cheat after almost 20 years? Posted: 8/4/2008 7:50:30 AM
hi, it's not necessary to cheat. You can split up, get job training, and child support and become independent. You'll like yourself more, be happier and probably attract a quality type of guy. If you like him, do you think it's fair to him for you to use his financial support and give your love to some other guy ??? Don't you think it would be fair to your partner of 20 years to release him from your relationship so that he can be free to find someone who does love him ?

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

What is it with 50+ women and wanting to stay single??? Posted: 8/3/2008 11:58:21 AM
I'm fast approaching 50 and realize that I have limited time to do what i want with the time. Most women have gone through a divorce and two realize that it's a legal contract where your life is merged with someone elses life. There are a lot of compromises and considerations about the other person that can be a big dose of reality shock. The things to consider are step-children, finances, how the other person's credit score will affect the health of your finances, etc. As women get older and don't have any more children, their needs change.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Women's Financial Status Posted: 7/28/2008 11:08:02 PM
By the time a guy has gotten into HIS fourties, he's usually been through a divorce or two and his finances are limited. But, even with the progess of equlity in the workplace, women have less disposible income than men. For starters, it costs us more to look good: hair, make-up, nails, lingiere. I refuse to pay for dates. 'll help pay for a vacation but if they guy I'm dating has the money and won't share it, it tells me that he's not gonna' share his love either.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 13 (view)

Unexpectedly meeting an ex Posted: 7/27/2008 4:07:34 PM
Hi, What you're experiencing, I think, has happened to many people. It impresses me as cowardice. My ex-husband of 24 years, who divorced me for the other woman, barely says hello to me when I run into him. He never looks at me. So, I just smile and get on with what I'm doing. As time goes along I became indifferent toward my ex-husband. this made it much easier when I encountered him. I was really in love and faithful. But now, when I see him, I'm not attracted to him at all, not his looks or his personality and most especially his lack of character. I hope you'll get to that stage soon. You were with this dude for three months and he turned out to be a schmuck. I'm sure you'll do better next time.

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Time to leave Posted: 2/16/2008 7:11:31 AM
I read a few posts on this thread. The one from Vanillafudge is a very realistic view of male/female relationships. I too am older than you. And because I'm older, I'm glad to see that a guy has some sexual interest in me because if that's not there, there won't be anything more than friendship. Yea, some guys just want to get laid and would screw anything that moves, but that is more an indication of their character and NOT yours. God gave the gift of sex to humanity, NOT just the males. Women are allowed to enjoy and explore their sexuality also. I'm so grateful that I'm a women of the 21st century and not living with the social and financial restraints that oppressed women's choices 200 years ago. What I've found is that men are attracted to a woman who is interesting and has an independent life. I hope you will keep your mind and your heart open because there are quality men out there. You just have to identify the "red flags" of the "players" and not take their immaturity as a personal affront to your value. Ann

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 45 (view)

How do you tell a scam male) Posted: 2/7/2008 4:14:42 PM
some divorces can take a long time to resolve, mine took 26 months. Not because we were going to reconcile but because of financial issues. I started to date a year after we split up. Of course, he never waited...... He had been involved with someone for four years before we split. So, why should I have to put my life on hold any longer ?

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

How do you tell a scam (female) Posted: 2/7/2008 4:09:04 PM
Hi, there are men who play the same game. I've even encountered it on paying sites, like match.com They are Nigerian Nationals who always use Yahoo, will only IM, never speak on the phone. Then they'll give you some sob story about how they're traveling for business and stranded in Lagos, Nigeria or someone in Western Africa. Their luggage has been confiscated at the airport, and haven't eaten in a few days, etc. They'll ask for money. Then when i said no, he couldn't believe that such a Christian, good woman, such as myself wouldn't help him. Oh, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!! If the person won't talk with me, then I believe they're hiding something, like a thick accent. Please don't take it too personally. Be resassured that there are real women online who are seeking friendships and relationships. Ann, in harrisburg

greeneyedgirl48

Joined: 12/23/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Broken Heart needs to snap out of it Posted: 1/29/2008 9:17:15 AM
I know what you're going through right now is a tremendous hurt and may even be overwhelming. There is a web site called about.com and it has a web site for those going throug a divorce. My ex left me after 24 years and of course there was another woman. There usually is, especially when it's a husband leaving his family. These are weak men. Even though your heart is aching, it's better to learn about his weakness and character flaws now, rather than in your mid-forties like I did. You're young enough to build the life you want on your own terms and find someone who will love you with true comittment for life. You may find that you're eligible for a lot of programs, especially those for displaced homemakers. MAKE HIM PAY CHILD SUPPORT, AND IF YOU'RE ELIGIBLE GET SPOUSAL SUPPORT. DON'T TAKE ANY SYMPATHY ON HIM. YOU MAY FIND HIM BEING NICE TO YOU, JUST SO YOU'LL AGREE TO A SETTLEMENT THAT ABSOLVES HIM OF HIS RESPONSIBILITY. This new sweetie of his may not be working and because of that it will reduce the amount of child support that goes to your children. If you're lucky she'll have a good job and won't need support from him. I saw your picture and you're very pretty. Believe me, a better man will come along. After I got divorced I realized that one of the reasons I was depressed was because my ex-husband has his own agenda and most of the marriage was on his terms. Now when I date, I make sure the guy has enough maturity and empathy to extend himself and look at the relationship by considering my wishes. Not that it has to be all about me, but I expect him to be man enough to shouldar the responsiblity. If he can't, then he's a liability and at that point, I'd prefer to be alone. I really wish you the best moving on with your life. Ann

Show ALL Forums