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MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 38 (view)

Singles Night Posted: 7/24/2008 12:53:36 PM
fyi... this Sat. 26th there is a Heavenly Bodies dance at the Holiday Inn Select in Woburn from 8:30 - 1:00. ....this is a bbw dance and anyone can go. just an fyi for anyone who may be interested...

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

life and death Posted: 7/23/2008 2:01:20 PM
Watching your children grieve over the loss of their dad is such a heartbreaking experience. I know, my daughters were 9 and 11 when their daddy died. It's been almost a year and a half since he passed and still the one thing that almost always brings me to tears is talking about their loss. But I know that in my circumstances my girls are strong, alot stronger than I give them credit for. In my circumstances, I knew my husband was dying of cancer over a year before he passed away. During that time, my daughters knew daddy was ill, they knew all about cancer, the bad ( it had taken their grampy away) and the good ( my good friend sucesssfully fought breast cancer), still I did not let them into my profound sadness in knowing that their daddy wasn't going to survive. I can only tell you how I have tried to help my girls. One is that I made sure and still continue to have a strong support network. There are people, besides myself who are there for them, whenever they need them. My girls have a wonderful grief group that participate through that is geared towards children and teens their ages who have lost a parent or significant other. The people who runs this group, to me, was sent from heaven. We also talk about daddy, just because he is no long "with us" doesn't mean he is no longer a part of us. We remember all the wonderful times we had together as a family and the times they had together and alone with him. I can tell you the one thing that my girls were and probably to some extent are still worried about is me. What is something happens to mom? Is she going to always be there for us? I remind my girls that they are my number one priority. I also have spoken with them about the fact that since their daddy is gone that I have had to take on alot more and that our lives are not exactly the same. I also let them know that all of this said, that mom has her owns things that she needs to do as well that do not involve them. I know that this is not always the easiest concept for them ( mostly w/ my youngest) to accept. The simplest thing I do is love and be there for them.... believe it or not we need to give our children more credit then we probably do....they're stronger than we something think they are... take care.. G

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

confused and upset Posted: 7/23/2008 8:12:13 AM
I know it's really difficult for you right now. If I could get into people's minds and explain the "whys" of a person and their actions..well I would make a living at it. I know you don't want to hear this, but you're young and my guess is she is as well. You're at a time in your life when there's so much out there for you ( and her ) to experience. It just may be that you're both at different points in your lives. I think one of the most difficult things is the non-communication. Can I tell you I think many of us have been there and experienced that. In a nutshell, it stinks!. But to be honest, even if she does communicate with you and explains her reasoning, you still won't fully understand, some of that has to do with because it's not your way of reasoning and even if she were to make sense, it would be very difficult, at this point to accept it . That is not to say...if it is the case you can't accept it. Acceptance, whether you agree with it or not is a process. Some people are better at it than others... I would say to you, try your best to keep busy, I know you really want to contact her....but just try for now not to. take care, G

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

Widows and Widowers, any ideas or advice? Posted: 7/21/2008 7:13:26 PM
there is no timeline for grief, no set "ways" or "phases", it is unique to each of us. that doesn't mean that your life will be one constant pain after another. I know that with myself right after my husband passed away the pain was so profound, it would literally knock me on my knees. I hated the fact that even though it would briefly subside, I knew that awful wave would be back again. I also knew and kept reminding myself that I couldn't constantly live in those awful moments. I know that with me, I had to go out into the world, alone. Of course in my situation I have 2 children who now needed me more than ever, and are my number one priority. It's a scary thing, you have to stand on your own and when you fall, it's only you that can pick yourself back up. I have said to others that time, while it heals the wounds, the scars will always remain. It's ok to have scars. I can't answer for you whether or not you'll feel like yourself again. I know with me, I have and than I know that there are elements of the "old" me, the wife, the partner.....she's gone...I accept that. Does it make me sad, yes, do I still grieve....yes - like I said it doesn't go away...but it doesn't have to be such a catastrophic thing. If there is a small suggestion I can make it would be to find a good support group of those who do "get it". I know I have found that, not only online but in my community as well....and it has been a great comfort to me in those awful moments...(please PM if you would like more info...) take care..

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

Cheating Posted: 7/18/2008 8:18:40 AM
..to the OP .....only you will be able to figure out if you did the right thing. Anyone who cheats or lies takes that important element of trust. It's probably a fair assessment to say that trust you had with her is now very little or perhaps totally gone. It's not just enough for her to tell you, you to forgive and just move on like nothing has happened, because if both you don't communicate, and figure out what happened and where the relationship needs to be than nothing changes. Remember that saying..."one on you, shame on her, twice on you, shame on you"... ..it's true

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

I found a role model. Posted: 7/16/2008 4:20:28 PM
Stories like these remind me of the beauty in the simplicity of love. Unfortunately, many of us, ( myself included) make the ideal of love complicated. When I remember the most loving moments in my relationship with my late husband, it was the simpliest of words and jesters. After he passed away I now realize the moments of pettiness that were wasted that could of been filled with simple moments of love and joy. If I ever have the opportunity of being in love again..... Just listen to some of the old love songs, you'll understand....

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Before I delete my profile Posted: 7/12/2008 8:21:19 AM
..you would think that my heart would be hardened since my husband died. that having gone thru and still to an extent that is unexplainable will go thru grieving his loss that I would be tougher. this isn't the case, I've allowed someone to get into my heart and now by his actions or should I say inactions my heart is breaking all over again. I know I, and probably he made the mistake of going too fast too soon and because of other factors ( ie distance for one), I expected things that just arent' going to happen. another hard issue is that I am coming across as controlling and insecure to this person ( which I know are issues to me, but for particular issues in our case isn't a factor what so ever) Another factor is anger on my part, which I feel I am right to have. This person, does not communicate with me ( and in this age of technology - there isn't an excuse), and I'm not talking about hours upon hours of conversation here. It angers me that one can't return a simple phone call or send a short email. I don't believe one is that busy. There will be those of you that say, he just wasn't into you. So if that be the case, ( and I don't know for certain), then I say "man up", let me know. Sure it will hurt, but better to know the truth than to not know at all. ...so now I'm sad, and I don't think I can take more of the uncertainity in my life right now. I'd like to have someone special in my life right now, I think I deserve it. I'm so not perfect, but I'm not that bad either. ..thanks for reading my "rant" take care G

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

Divorce, Tragedy, Now What? Posted: 7/11/2008 4:07:27 PM
First, I am so very sorry. The unbearable grief that you are experiencing is all too familar with me. I don't have any "magic words" to tell you how to get by, you just have to take it one small step at a time. Your heart and soul has been shattered to their core. I want you to know that you will go on, right now you are in that state of "shock", disbelief and you're on auto-pilot for the most part. I remember when my husband passed away, I just existed, I couldn't tell you how, just like I said before, small steps. I will mention, as others here to you have, (and can personally attest to) that you need support, whether it be from a grief group - be it through the church, a hospital, social service organization and even on-line, you will find some comfort in those that won't pass any judgements upon you. please feel free to PM ..... take care, Grace

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

Phone Sex Posted: 7/6/2008 5:38:57 PM
I would tell you don't be foolish. First of all what does him having an 11 yr old have to do with having any kind of relationship with you? Sooner or later he's going to have some type of relationship whether it be with you or some other woman. Unless you enjoy it yourself, tell him no! If he's really interested in you he won't make any excuses and if he isn't he will only continue to call you for phone sex. Also, don't bother second guessing as to why you think he is doing this? Tell him when he calls ( and you know he will!), that you've decided the only way you'll be talking to him like that is if you have a real relationship and not just over the phone ( then see what happens!)... ...hey it isn't fair, but don't get trapped into his you know what! take care

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

when your love dies Posted: 7/5/2008 6:24:57 PM
Like others here, I too know the pain of losing my spouse. He was my soulmate, my lover, my best friend, my "buddy", and a wonderful daddy, there will be no "replacing" him and rightfully so. He will always be in my heart. But as I have mentioned before, I can't spend the remainder of my life in grief and sorrow. I know that my late husband would not want me to do so. It's a difficult thing to go on and to meet new people. Anyone who I get to know must understand about my husbands' place in my heart. Upon that being said, it doesn't mean I am looking for someone like him, that will never happen ( and nor do I want to)...of course, I know what a good man is like having been married to a good man ( not a perfect one, but a real good one!) I am also a very different person now than when I first met my late husband, I have grown up considerably in respect to everything that I have gone thru ( my husband also died of cancer ). When I married my husband I thought I was "complete" as a person, I have learnt now this isn't the case. I now know I do not need a man to complete me, that is my sole responsibility. I am at a very different point in my life and I believe that what man who will become an important part of my life, ( whenever that may be), will accept who I am and all that I have been through.

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Losing it..... Posted: 7/3/2008 7:36:35 PM
...my heart goes out to you, I know about losing it, I lost my husband last year, and the grief in one form or another will always be with me. Don't let anyone tell you about time tables.....for with grieving over the loss of a love one there are none.... ...I still cry too

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

dumped by a text message.... Posted: 6/23/2008 2:56:45 PM
I am so very sorry...that is incredibly cruel!.... As a widow myself yes, burying your husband is the hardest thing and losing him pales in comparison to what this .."i don't even know what to call him did!".... it pains me because he knew what you had been through.....and how incredibly difficult it was for you to open your heart to him....he should totally be ashamed of himself...but unfortunately he won't..... I can't explain his behavior..but to cheat and lie ...no excuses... for me.....and like many others ......be honest!!! we're adults here ( well some profess to be!)....even if it hurts like hell..just come out with it!..... ....it hurts so bad because you're getting your life together...moving on without your husband....standing on your own two feet and like I said before allowing yourself to feel and to share your love with another....and to trust...and to have this trust distroyed....hey you have all the right to be angry...you're human.... ....I know right now you can't see this...but this person did you a favor...you don't want him...nor do you deserve the likes of him..and more importantly..he doesn't deserve a woman like you!... ...remember....that which hurts ..will make you stronger..even though you may feel like you're totally back at square one... (**** please if you want to talk.....let me know....) take care.. Grace

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 192 (view)

Losing a loved one to death Posted: 6/21/2008 8:20:28 PM
Losing my husband to cancer some 16 mos ago was the most difficult thing in my life I had to endure. His death made me realize the unpredictability of life and how in just an instant so much can change. I wish I could put it eloquently as others have here about never forgetting those who are no longer here. I will always love my husband, his spirit will live on through our two beautiful daughters. There is always a place in my heart for him, but I know that he would not want me to spend the remainder of my life mourning his death, but rather live and enjoy all that is around me. There are many lessons I have learned, and still continue to learn because of his death, once being to let go of the "pettiness" of those things in your life that wear you down, they are not worth it. I've learned to stand on my own two feet, even though there are days I don't know how I can make it. I've learned that aside from my faults, I am a strong woman and I can endure.

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 23 (view)

The ex called and I am sooo sad.... Posted: 5/24/2008 7:10:20 PM
....it's funny ( not in a comical way)..that sooner or later they call back...(I've see it happen to many people I know)....perhaps it is a case on his part ...."you don't know what you had until it's gone".... listen...you're much stronger now than when the breakup first happened...just remember all the heartache and emotional tiredness you went thru, I know you've learned that you don't want it again.. I think like you, I like to question the "whys"..but please don't beat yourself up trying to answer...because really you'll never get one.... be strong my sister!......you don't need him as a friend....you've been living without him for a 1 1/2 and you're surviving....you don't need him to bring you down!..... he lost...not you.. take care

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

Feelings of Big Handsome Men Posted: 5/8/2008 6:26:48 PM
I think it all comes down to how one handles himself, I've seen some very fine, BHM, who lo0k real good, they dress the right way for their body type, handle themselves in a confident manner and are very appealing to many women. I think the big guys, who just look like slobs and don't care about themselves are a big turn off to women. ..just my take....

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

The word passion Posted: 4/13/2008 4:42:06 AM
Passion is interpreted in many different way, dependent upon the individual writing it and those that read it. I consider myself a passionate person, and to me it has many different connotations, and not all sexual. Passion to me , is my emotional strength and energy I put into those people, activities, and issues that I love and want to be more involved with. It is a drive that is fueled by my desires, curosities and need to have more of. Can passion cause problems? of course, we're only human. Passion , sexually, again means that desire, the want to have, to explore, to immerse myself into not only the one whom I may be with, with in myself with body, heart and soul. It can be,momentary or it can go on and on. Remember, I believe there is no right or wrong, different meanings to different people, but when passion is expressed in a loving, creative and thoughtful way it is such a beautiful thing... take care, Grace

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

cannot get over this Posted: 4/5/2008 12:07:58 PM
Poly, oh you so don't need this "bs"..and that's what it is. I see by your profile that you're a grown woman, who's been through alot. Hey I know, I lost my husband last year, and I will tell you, you know life can change in a moment and obviously this guy's been changing moment by moment himself!.... what you need at this point in your life is stability! whether that be by yourself, with friend, family or with another man, but this is not the man! How old is he? ....because he sure is acting selfish....oh he doesn't want to see her kill herself......boy does she got him wrapped around her little finger and he's just continuing to do the same thing to you. you don't deserve this u know what!......hey we've been through the biggest relationship loss in our lives , we lost our spouses...believe you me,,,,,this is not a major loss.....in fact.....move on....he's not much of a friend and you so don't deserve this!!! take care

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

What do you make of this? need some perspective Posted: 3/28/2008 2:55:30 PM
To everyone thank you so very much for your wonderful and insightful opinions! I agree I've done all I can do, unfortunately his family doesn't know about me, and they don't seem like the type of family that keeps tabs on one another. So I am just going to let things be, if he is very depressed and doesn't want to talk to me, he's an adult, I have to accept that, do I like it?, No. The thing about it is, I know what it's like to be so down, hey I lost my husband-best friend-soul mate just a little over a year ago. Along with that, I'm raising 2 beautiful girls, who miss and loved their daddy so very much. I also work 2 part -time jobs, so I can be there for my girls and in addition, I'm attending law school. Is it hard, hell yes!.. Like I've said I either fly or fight, and I'm not going any where, I have to fight, for my children and for myself. You do what you have to do, and you find that the more you do, while it may be so hard, you do survive, you get stronger ( although you may not feel it) and you are entitled to have the rough days...but you are the ultimate mover and shaker in your life. Unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way... In the end, my hope is that he is ok, whether I ever hear from him again or not. once again Thank you.... Peace! Grace

MyWorldIsMine

Joined: 12/25/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

What do you make of this? need some perspective Posted: 3/27/2008 4:59:05 PM
ok.first let me say this...i hate the fact that I'm starting to care about someone..it sucks...because of what has or hasn't happened in the past couple of days and I need for someone to just tell me what you think is going on??? i've been getting close to this person, about 3 mos...good, close friends.....gotten intimate...we talk every night, he calls me either at home or on my cell and emails me ...so a couple of nights ago..he was very depressed ( and I mean like i have never heard him like this before)....he wants to see me, I can't distance, my children, other things going on..so we talk and talk.. he's very distressed...part of this is he's looking for a job can't find one....broke ( i knew this)...and frustrated...but then he tells me he wants to get closer to me...as in relationship...my view is one day at a time...but like i said, we are good friends, i'm probably his closest friend now....our conversation that night was very powerful..I mean when I hear someone I care about not in a good way, I'm concerned...actually worried....i tell him I'm here for him..won't abandon him ( as a friend)... so that was mon. night, tues I call his house ( lives w/ a family member)..he isn't there, ok....i email him ask if he is ok...nothing..( now remember we're talking everyday for months..)..( and btw he is 42 --- not exactly a child here)...i email him again later that night..telling him now he's really got me worried... and nothing... here we are today day 3, no emails..nothing...I call leave a message on his voicemail nothing...what the hell gives..I even told him in my last email to him, if he didn't want to talk or deal with me at least email me and let me know you're ok... so now, I'm between very worried and very pissed...i mean if he's not ok...it's tearing me apart and I don't know how to help him and if i can ( and the other family member isn't home much)...or if he decided to just "cut the cord"..i'm pissed because he didn't have the balls to tell me so... so would someone please give me some perspective on this thing???

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