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Thread: Can you love someone and cheat on them?

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 128 (view)

Can you love someone and cheat on them? Posted: 1/29/2011 10:44:33 AM
For me it's this simple: If I love someone, there's no way I could cheat on him. But then I have been with people I didn't love, and didn't cheat on them. It comes down to a question of your character. To me, if you love someone, you won't want to cheat on them. If you want to cheat on them, you don't love them.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 180 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 1/29/2011 10:41:01 AM
You need to run like the wind, do you really need us to tell you this? He's showing some definite signs of being an abusive personality...getting angry at you forgetting your debit card, flying into a rage, telling you to "cut the apron strings" (the first step at attempting to isolate you)\ RUN!!!!!!!! And don't look back!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

Superficial? Posted: 12/16/2010 10:49:55 AM
OP, next time try "You are a beautiful person, inside and out!"

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

broke up 5 times, should we stay together? Posted: 11/29/2010 12:46:05 PM
I think he needs to quit wasting his time with you, and find someone who is willing to accept who he is. You want him to change just about everything about himself, so why not just do it the easy way and find someone who is already what you want? You can't change someone else, and no one can change themselves "for you." If they don't change because they want to, the changes won't stick anyway. Just stop wasting each other's time.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 82 (view)

Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom Posted: 11/29/2010 12:38:45 PM
Wearing a condom might be "far from responsible," but it's "far MORE responsible" than NOT using one at all!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 69 (view)

Vasectomy , tubes tied ... Still wants to use condom Posted: 11/18/2010 12:18:55 PM
LOL, it's a sad day, when an adult attempts to behave responsibly, and the first two replies see this as a "red flag."

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

How would YOU feel and handle this situation? Posted: 11/18/2010 12:06:17 PM
Well, that IS going to be her life if she marries that guy...only it'll get WORSE after they are married. He's a taker, and nothing will change unless she forces it to change. She's teaching him right now how to treat her...if he refuses to learn then it's her choice to stay with someone like him or to find someone who knows how to cooperate. If she chooses to stay with him, she has no one to blame but herself for how she's treated in her marriage. If she has kids with him, she'll always have one extra, HIM.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

do some drug addicts lie about attending rehab? Posted: 11/18/2010 12:02:43 PM
Drug addicts lie about EVERYTHING.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 87 (view)

Does plenytoffish work? Posted: 11/11/2010 12:07:08 PM
Hey Ron, check out the wedding pictures! Projecting WHAT exactly about the age issue? Oh, and since you apparently are suffering memory loss, here's the thread where I responded to just more of your women hating (which pretty much sums up your entire POF history, for anyone who wants to read it!) I'm thinking you aren't having any luck because people find out how much you hate women, and don't stick around past the first email or two! http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13648248.aspx#13649250

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 289 (view)

600 emails to get 5 dates??? Posted: 11/11/2010 11:50:25 AM
If someone sent out 600 emails, IMO he was just sending them to everyone within a 75 mile radius. And on that pay site, there are tons of "dummy" profiles that are just set up to get people (usually men) to pay to join...after all those, probably 100 of those 600 women were paying members, which means that 500 of those women either didn't exist at all, or were unable to respond to him because they weren't paying members. Out of the theoretical 100 who could respond, he had about a 5% success rate, which you can get (or better) right here for nothing. Pay sites are a rip off.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 24 (view)

Flattering…Or Over-The-Top Creepy? Posted: 11/11/2010 11:43:01 AM
My question is, who CARES what Amanda thinks? Amanda is a jealous harpy, and if Susan and John are comfortable with that, then what anyone else thinks is completely immaterial. I met a guy here 2.5 years ago, and he was the type to stop by and say goodbye on his way out of town, and he had a picture of ME on his desktop. We were pretty much inseparable from day one. I married him in June, and I'm still on his desktop, in his phone, and wherever else he sees fit to put a picture of me! Susan should tell Amanda to buzz off, and as long as she and John are comfortable with whatever affectionate things they do, heck with what anyone else thinks!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 95 (view)

Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife? Posted: 11/11/2010 11:32:57 AM
All women know without a shadow of a doubt that the child is theirs Really? What about a woman who's slept with more than one man in that month? And then there are other scenarios: For example: what about a woman who's been gang-raped? Don't say it's doesn't happen - rape has been and still is considered part of war booty for many armies. Is this a blonde joke??

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 94 (view)

Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife? Posted: 11/11/2010 11:31:44 AM
I'm with Abelian on this one...he might not have ever thought she'd cheat on him, BUT when a guy has been told he's basically sterile, and SURPRISE, suddenly a baby is on the way, yeah, which one of you guys wouldn't have doubts, or at least some questions?

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

was this true love? Posted: 10/28/2010 9:08:25 AM
"Was this true love?" "looks like there's no hope for us" Those two lines, especially the use of the word "was" means that no, it was not true love. It might have been true infatuation. You weren't really together long enough to know if it was true love, but you were together just long enough to idealize the guy and the time you were together. It it was true love, your love would have withstood whatever those "complicated reasons" were that you fell out.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Lose the Ad! [Thread Closed] Posted: 10/21/2010 8:49:58 AM
I don't know if it's a music video that POF has bought ad space in, or if it's a POF commercial in and of itself, but the location of this ad is just wrong! I have seen it several times on TeenNick, and I just find an ad featuring two girls rolling around on a pool float with one guy, not to mention the airplane with "High Mile Lines" on the side of it completely inappropriate. This is a cable channel that targets 14 year old girls! (MINE.) Is it really necessary to advertise there? What a great message you are sending them, "join POF and get laid!" I will also be complaining to Nickelodeon.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 175 (view)

Dating a Gemini Posted: 10/21/2010 8:44:26 AM
OMG I can't believe people actually buy into that crap. He's a psycho because he's a Gemini? Amazing, since the first person I ever dated was a Gemini and was one of the kindest, best people I ever knew, and continue to know to this day. Gosh, how did that happen??

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 43 (view)

Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking Posted: 10/21/2010 8:39:37 AM
I think that when people set restrictions, it's just a guideline of what they want. I think when people set those restrictions, they might not realize that they might miss out on someone who is one year outside those restrictions who could be perfect for them. I was the opposite, I didn't want to go "younger," unless it was one or two years younger than me...I really prefer someone 5-7 years older than me. I did NOT prefer someone 20 years older than me! And that was a lot of what I got, when my profile was unhidden and I was trying to meet someone. 20 year olds and 60 year olds. If it hadn't been for the forums, I would have set some restrictions to reflect up to 5 years younger than me and 10 years older. But when you are a forum regular, you get emails from people here, and they can be from all ages and genders.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 108 (view)

Are you buying into the hype? Posted: 10/20/2010 3:39:39 PM
TDH, I'm still around, but in June I married the man I met here in the summer of 2008. I was on POF off and on I think since 2002(?) It took quite some time, but finding the absolute one that I'm going to grow old with was positively worth the wait. It was worth every bad date, it was worth every jerk that ignored my emails, every person I went out with who said they'd like to see me again, only to disappear......all of it was worth it to me now. Don't give up, but don't make this your only method of meeting people...branch out and meet people everywhere you can, and only use this for the tool that it is.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Instant turn offs, legitimate gripe or just nitpicking Posted: 10/20/2010 3:15:24 PM
If I read a profile and see where a woman has put down 10 or 15 years younger can contact her, but the max is usually around her age, Just want to point out here...welcome to OUR world. Only in the case of the men my age (back when I was looking to meet someone), they would not only block women older than them, they'd block women their OWN AGE from contacting them! I can NOT tell you how many men there were around my age (40 at the time) who had everyone blocked unless you were 18-28 or 25-35, etc. Yeah, I think you are nit picking. Because just because I didn't set restrictions on my profile, there was an age group I was looking for. MOST people are looking for a certain age range, whether they put it on their profile or not!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 18 (view)

At the risk of sounding desperate... Posted: 10/11/2010 10:59:04 AM
No no no! If he's told you that he's not interested, he. is. not. interested! Leave him alone, it does seem desperate to keep contacting someone who has told you right out that he's not interested, and it can get stalker-ish if you don't stop! Not deleting an email means nothing, I haven't deleted one in years. LOL! I don't delete texts till my phone starts whining about being full! Are you seriously, honestly?? hopeful that he's keeping you on a back burner? Do you want to be his "till I find something better" girl or his "because I can't find what I really want" girl??? Don't sit on anyone's back burner, ever!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 65 (view)

Is Texting Cheating? Posted: 10/11/2010 10:53:21 AM
Good for you, Lexus...you do deserve someone who is available to you! This guy was trying to either string you along as a "plan b" if he decided to break things off with his girlfriend OR he was stringing his girlfriend along as a plan b while he tested the waters with you, to see if he could get anything to happen with you. Either way he's no good!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 90 (view)

Do couples have joint or separate accounts? Posted: 10/11/2010 10:45:11 AM
That may be, Abelian...but if she decided to up and leave, and clean out all the money in the account on her way out of town (which is what happened to my husband when his ex decided one day to move out), she would only have access to HER account, and not his. Sure, the assets would have to be divided eventually, but that couldn't happen if she took it all out (checks outstanding be damned) and it was gone before the other party even knew they were "separated!" I'm not talking about everyone. I'm talking about THIS OP and his particular wife! And that's based on the OP's posting history on POF over the last year or so. That little stunt that my husbands ex pulled sounds exactly like something the OP's wife would do, if it suited her purposes to do it.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

Diff Types of men and who we have relationships with... Posted: 10/11/2010 10:37:24 AM
No one will mistake me for George Clooney No, but if you put on a cowboy hat, you might pass for Brad Paisley! LOL

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 52 (view)

Diff Types of men and who we have relationships with... Posted: 10/11/2010 10:34:19 AM
I don't have an agenda, I am perfectly attracted to my husband and he's perfectly attracted to me. So I'm not sure where you got that I have an agenda. Nice try though at turning your weird ideas around on me. No matter what you think, it IS insulting to the rest of the men in the world, for you to say that in the event that one of them ends up with someone "beneath" him (in your eyes) then there's got to be something in it for him, because he could never have fallen for her otherwise. While it might be true of the people you spend time with, it's not necessarily true of all of men everywhere, and you are belittling your own fellow men to suggest it is.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 59 (view)

Is Texting Cheating? Posted: 10/7/2010 6:00:43 AM
"Cheating" is anything you would not want to get caught doing. If you would hide texts from your girl/boyfriend between you and a member of the opposite sex, then I'd consider it cheating. Cheating is about betrayal, and if keeping those texts a secret would betray my trust, then IMO it's as good as cheating. If I don't trust you, I don't trust you, it doesn't matter what you did to break that trust.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 365 (view)

u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex Posted: 10/7/2010 5:58:12 AM
I've never had a plutonic relationship. Shoot, I've never even been to Pluto!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 44 (view)

Do couples have joint or separate accounts? Posted: 10/7/2010 5:56:52 AM
Apparently none of you have been reading here long enough to know THIS particular OP's history with his wife. This kind of crap has been going on LONG before they were married, and people here told him he was insane if he married her. He was here posting some of her insane crap about a week before they were married, it's never-ending non-stop crap with this one. And it was going on LONG before they were married. I can't even count all the instances we heard about before they were married, and SINCE they've been married, and there's probably more that we never hear about. He would be absolutely insane to have a joint account with this woman. He was insane to marry her in the first place, and never, EVER listens to the advice he gets here, including the best advice he ever got, which was to RUN like hell and not marry that woman.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 19 (view)

Divorce of parents. Posted: 10/6/2010 11:27:42 AM
The only person who can fix this is your friend. YOU can't, WE can't. Her mother WON'T. Why should she? She's had this handy scapegoat all these years. If your friend still lives at home, she needs to take immediate (or fast) steps to move out and distance herself from her mother. Her mother is a toxic person, and it's easy to see just why they are getting a divorce. Your friend is going to have to "divorce" herself from her mother, or your friend will end up in her 50's, possibly 60's alone, caring for her ailing mother, with nothing to show for her life. She's going to have to set very definite boundaries for her mother and anyone else in her insane family...And if they won't accept the boundaries, it means they get cut off completely. Can she go live with her dad? She has got to get away from that woman before she controls her into giving up her entire life for this crazy old bat. A very wise minister once told me that under no circumstances should you allow your parents to "guilt" you into anything...we do NOT "owe" our parents anything for raising us, THAT IS THEIR JOB! We repay that debt by "paying it forward" when we raise our own children! Unfortunately your friend is going to have to make a choice to stand up to her mother and tell her that she is NOT going to be in the middle of her divorce, it's between her and her husband, and that she is going to start living her own life...if her brother or her mothers friend have anything to say about that, then the reply should be "You think she needs someone to do her bidding? YOU DO IT." CLICK. She's really going to have to grow a spine...and she might need some counseling to get it started. But in the end, it comes down to a choice she's going to have to make. Have a life of her own, or be her mother's maidservant till she dies. It doesn't sound like there can be a happy medium with this mother.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 22 (view)

Do couples have joint or separate accounts? Posted: 10/6/2010 11:15:06 AM
In your case, I'd keep them separate. Otherwise we are going to be reading about how she went and spent everything in the account, or wiped it out and left. Seriously. Keep them separate.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Is this even possible? Posted: 10/6/2010 11:11:38 AM
Oh sure, you can feel "butterfly" for someone you've never met. And then when you meet, you can feel like the butterfly that went SPLAT on the windshield! Lower your expectations, (both of you) because fireworks that start before even meeting usually fizzle about 10 minutes into the first meeting.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 37 (view)

Am I wrong for asking her to help pay for the pictures? Posted: 10/6/2010 10:53:33 AM
After following this saga for about a year now? Sorry, dude, I got nothing.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Diff Types of men and who we have relationships with... Posted: 10/6/2010 10:42:35 AM
i know of the men I know that date women that are less attractive than they are- they do this most often times to use the women. use them for the stability of a woman that will give them their last penny, use them for the fact that these women typically are not gonna cheat on them, use them so even if they cheat on the woman- they still have a warm bed to come home to, etc... so when I see a guy in good shape and agood dresser with a woman that is way beneath what he can get- its almost a farce to me... some guys that are in relationships with less attractive women than they are- are super insecure... The only person I see showing insecurity here is the YOU. Somehow an attractive man with a "lesser" woman threatens you. Maybe it makes YOU feel shallow, so you do the only thing you can do...you go and insults the guy with the "lesser" woman, saying that it can't possibly be LOVE, there's just got to be something in it for him, if he's dating "below himself." Just because all the men you surround yourself with are jackasses doesn't mean that all men are jackasses. What are you trying to do? Justify the fact that you don't want to date someone below your fabulousness?

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

should i tell her to leave Posted: 10/3/2010 9:00:12 PM
All I can say is I hope you did that "loan" in writing and made her sign it, because otherwise you are never going to see that money again. You probably won't anyway. You really think you are being used??? REALLY?????? Are you seriously just now coming to this conclusion??

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 20 (view)

My one and only date from plenty of fish Posted: 10/1/2010 11:37:46 AM
I recommend you listen to Tom Leykis, he changed my whole life. Yes, I can see that...you can't even get a date to show up now.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 182 (view)

How has plenty of fish treated you? Posted: 10/1/2010 11:29:25 AM
I'm a POF newlywed!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Thank you POF Posted: 10/1/2010 11:23:55 AM
Congrats! Tomorrow is my 4 month wedding anniversary! I met my husband here 2.5 years ago, and we've been inseparable ever since!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

No Contact Concept Posted: 10/1/2010 11:06:02 AM
From someone who has been there and done that? "No contact" is VERY helpful and VERY realistic. Keeping in contact just drags things out. It keeps you having unrealistic hopes that one day, if you can just keep him/her from forgetting about you, he/she will realize what a terrible mistake he/she is making by not being with you. IF that is going to happen? it will happen even if you aren't in contact with them. But if it's not, you have not dragged things out in your mind. It's SO much easier to move on if you do the 'no contact' thing. It's so hard to do...SO VERY hard. But if you stick to it (even if they are trying to contact you) it gets easier and easier the more time goes by.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 26 (view)

My ex and my best friend Posted: 10/1/2010 10:59:44 AM
LOL, she's turning it around on you? I repeat: She. Is. Not. Your. Friend. Let her go, they deserve each other.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 25 (view)

My ex and my best friend Posted: 10/1/2010 10:57:59 AM
You are worried about losing her??? Do you really "have" her?? What kind of best friend would do such a thing? Think about that. Your friend is no friend at all. If I were in your shoes, there would be nothing I could say to her that I'd ever regret.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 31 (view)

Does Marriage Cause Alcoholism? Posted: 10/1/2010 10:55:58 AM
Is this a joke? No, marriage does not cause alcoholism, people choosing to drink themselves into addiction causes alcoholism.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 36 (view)

Broken engagement--- need advice please Posted: 9/28/2010 10:25:38 AM
Then she gave the ring back and I moved the rest of my stuff out. I do not understand what is going on between us. well.....there's nothing going on between you. And IMO you are the winner here...consider her a bullet dodged.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 16 (view)

advice/opinions/help needed. thank you Posted: 9/28/2010 10:17:17 AM
She gave you the only answer you need to hear. She is not ready for a relationship. You are going to have to be very patient with her and don't do or say anything to spook her (like announcing the depth of your feelings for her.) I hate to say this to you, but I am afraid she's with you right now because you are "safe," as in, you are far enough away that she won't have to deal with being with someone all the time, but she's got the security of a shoulder to lean on when she needs it. I am worried that what's going to happen is that when she's ready for a relationship again, it's going to be with someone who lives nearby, and you will be in the "friend" compartment, where you'll be left behind. I'm afraid you are setting yourself up for a broken heart here. I sincerely hope I am wrong, but I would be careful if I were you.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 40 (view)

strange behavoir Posted: 9/22/2010 11:17:39 AM
Don't forget Talent Scout and Fashion Photographer!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 143 (view)

Is online dating a waste of time for men? Posted: 9/17/2010 2:06:02 PM
Yeah, OP, I think these girls are pulling your leg....or you are trying to date off the "top 500" list or something. (is that list even still around? If so, they aren't here to date, they are just here for the popularity contest.) Normal women do NOT get that much mail here. When I was dating, I might get 5 emails a WEEK, and usually 4, if not all 5 were people I wasn't interested in. They tended to be in their 20's or their 60's, 1000 miles away, and recreational drug users. LOL, I was a MAGNET for those people. I sent out tons more emails than I ever received. And I'm glad that's behind me!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

strange behavoir Posted: 9/17/2010 2:00:32 PM
HELLO? She never heard from YOU again either, did you ever think of that?? Why was it HER place to call you or text you?? She's probably feeling the same way you do. How do you know she's not interested? She probably thinks YOU aren't interested! If she was the one who had to travel, YOU should have followed up to make sure she got home! I can see that anyone wanting to have a relationship with you had better be willing to do EVERYTHING!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 49 (view)

unable to see the light Posted: 9/17/2010 1:51:43 PM
I stopped reading about everything SHE is doing about two paragraphs in. SHE cannot force your friend to be in an affair with her. SHE this, SHE that. The plain and simple fact is, your friend is making a DECISION to be in a relationship that is going to go NOWHERE. He is an adult and knows, (even if he's in denial) that she's not leaving, and IF she loved him, and IF things were so terrible at home, she would leave her husband and be with him. He is making a choice, and if he is hurt, it's his own doing.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 68 (view)

Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs? Posted: 9/17/2010 1:43:07 PM
Someone who has "tried to get help and failed every time" is not at the point of being ready to quit for anyone... And they will NEVER chooose "you" over their addiction. Before they can do that, they have to choose THEMSELVES over the addiction. Quitting for someone else will NEVER happen. They have to want to quit for themselves!

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Judging someone from the way they treat their pets. Posted: 9/8/2010 11:16:29 AM
Whoa, dude...some dogs like to be "crated" when they are left alone, because they feel safer that way. My sister's dog goes and gets in his crate all the time by himself. They like their crates, if they are used to them.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Devastaed Posted: 9/8/2010 11:12:32 AM
I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way, but I do see the fairness in him making a possibly life altering decision not to take a chance of being exposed to herpes. I also hope I'm not the only one here who will admit that I wouldn't take such a chance either. it might not "feel" fair from your point of view, but STD's are something where we all have to look out for ourselves. You only knew him for three weeks. Believe me when I tell you, three weeks is NOT enough time for the two of you to really know each other. It's enough time for you to know what he WANTED you to know about him. The real stuff doesn't come out till much later. I know it sounds trite, but if it wasn't true it wouldn't be a saying at all...he wasn't the one for you. You've already found people who are accepting of your situation, and there will be others, until you find "THE" one. This guy was "not" the one, or he would still be with you.

spoken for

Joined: 12/26/2007

Msg: 27 (view)

Was She Dishonest? Posted: 9/8/2010 10:34:38 AM
They have a very high sex drive and have had many, many women in the past as well as experiences being a swinger, so they are sexually liberated and experienced. The female of the situation has a religious background, little sexual experience and has issues even discussing certain aspects of sex. These are things that should have been taken into consideration before marriage. All of this ties into your ("their") compatibility to each other. No matter how things were before, these types of differences are bound to become an issue eventually. That doesn't make him OR her "wrong," it just is what it is. If she had issues even discussing sex before marriage, then I don't know what you thought would be different. I would bet just about anything that she could come here and post a list of the ways that "he" is not the same person he was before marriage. It's not something anyone does on purpose or to be deceptive....it's just that in the beginning everyone is on their best behavior, trying and WANTING to be what the other person wants. But I maintain that there's two sides to everything, and we are only getting yours, er, his. vvvvvvvvvvvTerrielynn...I know, right??

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