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woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 50 (view)

So you have a degree, Was it worth it? Posted: 5/11/2009 11:14:10 AM
A degree is worth it if it gives you a good opportunity to work and recover your cost. It may get you noticed but it won't compensate for social skills, smarts etc. Some people pay to get that piece of paper. some people I've met had PHD, but at a social level, were really bad. Eg, in communicating among colleagues, across departments, or in relating emotions... Some speak as if they really have a PHD, Permanent Head Damage and no one understand them. I got away with a diploma for the last 10 years. I may go back to get a certificate, because a degree may take a lot, both financially and in time, it could take me years but on graduation, everything I learnt could have been replaced by new technologies go for a degree if you can afford it and will be useful to you. But a degree doesn't define the person. Some people are stuck with a job because they can't think outside of their job/degree. At a time where american/canadian are facing credit challenges, everyone is advising to reinvent oneself... can one do that with/without a degree? Some people do succeed without a degree... Bill Gates did drop out of school... he's one of a lucky visionary My 0.02

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 8 (view)

Why you Never Argue with a Woman? Posted: 5/4/2009 6:42:59 PM
haven't had a good laugh in a while

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

What to do when you want someone Posted: 4/30/2009 2:04:00 PM
why would you want to get involved in someones life when its in turmoil? I can't argue with you but here's what I'll say: everyone has their own baggage... whether we carry in front or in the backpack. As a relationship grown, those come off in layers... whether one is willing to share the baggage or not, is the question. yes, I know, I've swallowed the whole thing a little too naive... These experiences does make me more guarded. If not, it will be like I didn't learn anything! to me, life as a single is simple. In wanting to find love, I make myself vulnerable... Dating sucks, understanding men is foreign to me though I've lived among men all my life... I give up!!

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

What to do when you want someone Posted: 4/30/2009 12:15:51 PM
I really wished I had someone to emotionally support me I don't have emotional issues, I may grieve over loss, cry at times when life gets exhausting and frustrating. Who doesn't? I moved to a new country on my own and have lived alone for the last decade. I was starting to get used to being with him, sharing our joys and not so happy events in our lives. I find myself standing on ground that is no longer there, throws me into abyss, that questioned my abilities and me losing my job adds to it. According to him, people who have been intimate aren't necessarily boy-girl friends. I don't agree with it and have difficulties coping with what's going on. yes, moving on is what I'll do. I questions why he likes my personality and everything about me and yet he chose to leave it.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

What to do when you want someone Posted: 4/30/2009 9:51:01 AM
No, he's divorced a few years ago. He just had one final paper on the estate to sign. yes, I don't get involved with married/separated men, that's a no-no. thanks! I find most men on POF tend to be forward concerning sex and think it's ok to have sex without the relationship leading anywhere! I know that when I'm attracted to someone because of his personality, his whole package, I start a relationship, I can picture myself having sex with the person. But, men seem to think the reverse, they think sex first and possibly a relationship!! yes, it hurts to be used as a sex object. It hurts to care for someone who doesn't care in the same way! thanks for the encouragement, I guess I'm moping around

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

What to do when you want someone Posted: 4/30/2009 9:42:10 AM
But the other person isn't sure whether he wants or not. I met this guy, went out for a little over a month. We had sex once, I thought things were going well but then he sends me an email saying that he doesn't want to date at the moment and wishes me the best. When I later chat with him, he says he has a lot to do, family issues, divorce finalized etc. He loves having sex with me, likes my personality and yet he wishes me the best... This is confusing! I often wish I could be with him once more but I don't know how to do that , whether I can even ask this... I have difficulties to let go of my previous boyfriends and this one was really short. To make it worst, things are happening in my life where I really wished I had someone to emotionally support me, I miss him all the more.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

What do guys think about virgins? Posted: 4/18/2009 9:23:37 PM
am not a guy but if you want my 2 cents: sex is something that seals a relationship, it is not forced upon someone, it happens when both are ready. Some people start a relationship based on sex, IMO, character and personality should be the foundation of a relationship because in life, there are times when sex may not be possible, what would happen? it is good that so far, you kept yourself from STDs, emotional heartbreaks, and everything that goes with 'having sex'. Some women may not be emotional about sex but you are since it is what you believe. Doesn't matter what others think, it's your belief and confidence that matters. Some guys could manipulate you into sex saying 'no one wants an unexperienced virgin'. Don't worry about that, some men appreciate that you look up to them to teach you about life and love and they are the ones who don't like to worry where you've been, what bugs you got from past boyfriends. Hold your head high (not your nose, as if judging others) and make sure you're in the right relationship before giving it away. Be aware that having sex might make you more horny, especially if the relationship doesn't work out.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

how long is the divorce process? Posted: 4/13/2009 10:06:07 AM
Thanks everyone. Thanks slybandit for the expose, it is eye opening. I never considered divorcees bcuz ofthese complications. Your post graved in stone/whatever that I never want to be in a divorce. yeah, I don't have much details. When chatting with him, I removed all emotions to try and get all the information and try to help him. He is backing out of our situation, for whatever reason, whether he wants to go back to his wife or not. I did ask him this before, he did say 'No, no way' I have no clue whether it was for my ears or it was his own wishes... I better let go of this fish and spare me the heartache. No more divorcees for me, thanks!

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

how long is the divorce process? Posted: 4/12/2009 8:41:56 PM
wow, cowboy, you were a detective in your previous life... yeah, am in canada. I guess canadians don't go on forums too often huh no, no kids involved... somehow got involved= we went out on a few dates, we connected, kissed... I'm having trouble to let go, that's in my personality. I probably should cut him loose and if he wants me back down the road, he'll have to win me back... sounded to me that I'm the backup plan for him.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

how long is the divorce process? Posted: 4/12/2009 7:57:04 PM
I always avoided divorcees due to the emotional complications. I somehow got involved with one. How long was he divorced? he says 2 yrs, marriage lasted a year or so. But he still has papers to sign? I don't know the process but does it take 2 yrs to get a divorce? How long more could it take? Anyone can throw some light here, please. How long did yours take? Why would it take so long?

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Courtship Posted: 4/10/2009 8:28:14 AM
hmm, interesting, very valid points... yeah, I do see that men somehow lost some of their identity. I always hear 'the woman wears the pants', 'he's smitten', 'guys like to be told what to do', etc. I don't think it should be so. I think that we are equally able within the limits of how we are made, eg, a woman is equally intelligent, equally responsible to herself, those around her and society but she also is not as physically strong and is physically smaller build. I think that the feminist movement faced much opposition, but somehow mowed everything that is 'man'. yes, I agree, due to societal norms, there should be a discussed agreement as to what is and what is not. Women need to feel feminine and man masculine or else we are becoming an uniform mass... well that's another discussion Cowboy, yes, I agree, one should call whenever one wants to go out, or miss the other but also this provides a good start as friends. Somehow, in this situation, the woman doesn't feel sexually desired (with respect)... not groping or with the look of 'I want your body' but 'I want your body, mind, spirit, person'. At some point, there must be a change, a bump in relationship status LOL (sorry, I'm lacking the word here) In my own relationships, it's fear that hold me down. I am emotionally fragile, I fear that he will hurt me emotionally. I want someone who is in tune with his emotions and can also draw emotions from people while being consistent in behavior, to expect this from a guy is very hard. I find men can speak greatly and yet fail to walk the talk, I may be meeting the wrong men... oh well That's great discussion, thank y'all.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Courtship Posted: 4/10/2009 5:58:48 AM
Hey, it's me again. The dating thing is confusing, especially cross cultural. In my country, it's usually the guy courting the girl, ie, he is more caring to her than other girls, he spends time with her, brings her to nice place where usually the guy pays but doesn't have to be. In time, she will reciprocate. Chatting with a colleague, I know a younger guy who likes to be courted and pampered, chased, right from the start. It sounds odd to me. I'm not used to chase guys. So, this guy would have no luck with me. But, is it the norm here that guys like to be chased, courted? Ok, the pampering is fine by me, once I like him, I can pamper him with my affection and love but if not there, yet, isn't it the man who takes the lead? What do you guys think? How would you court your love (or potential love)?

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

What is a connection? Posted: 4/9/2009 11:26:42 AM
gheez, heptone, if you have nothing to say, better not say it. You may have a PHD in english, it doesn't have the same meaning for everyone, gender differences, different experiences, different culture, different expectations... etc! If I'm wasting threads, you're wasting posts. If you don't like the thread, just ignore it! shaking head thanks for all who responded. I hope it centers it for you too. To me, a connection is someone I get along, chat with, is kissable, handsome to me, someone I can be emotionally intimate with. I was not sure whether it meant the same for guys.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

What is a connection? Posted: 4/9/2009 8:21:06 AM
I am not from NA, I need some understanding as to what a connection means? When people dating say, they have a connection. What does it mean? - they can talk to the person? - they can have sex with the person? ...?? I am a person who connects easily with people because I am sensitive and can ask good questions to make the person feel they are heard. A lot of guys say to me 'there is a connection!'. I have no clue what he means as this is normal to me. Guys, what is a connection to you?

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 48 (view)

Hickey Help! lol Posted: 4/7/2009 12:48:14 PM
I used to get it everytime my xbf and I made out, it is embarassing to go to work with hickeys. A turtle neck in summer? that's screams hickey i used to wear band aid saying I have a nasty bug bite... Lol, I guess people knew already... I hate hickeys but I like to be kissed on the neck

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 14 (view)

What would you do to date Posted: 4/6/2009 8:47:29 PM
Thanks for sharing. Yeah, sunday manners is a good starter... at least it shows the person lives among civilization and not in mud with wild pigs... this also establishes some common ground for conversations etc. I know a person who was a sweetheart in public, then a devil at home, with no personal hygiene and treats people like dirt. I was so traumatized that I don't want to meet such person anywhere. I sometimes may be looking for ghosts of this character among the good living but it's something I feel no control on.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

What would you do to date Posted: 4/6/2009 1:01:49 PM
I'm not sure whether the heading is appropriate but let's see: Initially when we meet someone either socially or dating, we tend to be nice and we haven't seen the bad in the other person yet. Both women and men would make extra efforts to present themselves as 'good', either by cleaning our habits, wearing nicer clothes, be extra careful how we smell, look, etc. This is really nice. But after how long, could we see the true person? I had a situation where a guy would say 'I love you' right after making out. He would also change his personality to adapt to what I wanted, not really what he wanted. After some time, he couldn't be flexible anymore, he just gave up. Guys, do you usually take extra care of showing good qualities in the first meets, even though you don't really possess them? Eg, you say you eat 'healthy' when you don't. you say 'you cook', when you don't, etc? You do laundry and housework, when you do it once a while when guests come over? etc? I hope I've said it right... if you can throw some pointers how to see the true self of a person... if you have had some situations too, that would help.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 53 (view)

Why is it so rare? Posted: 4/6/2009 7:36:50 AM
depends on what is important to the 2 people in the couple... a good looking guy/gal may not be looking for external attributes, but rather attributes that are in the person's character... such as faithfulness, goodness, compassion, kindness, harmony... etc yes, good looks is good and vanity seems attractive. What if something happens after a while, a botched facial surgery or an accident, the relationship is over? what could hold the couple together now that the looks are gone? sometimes, people with good looks have a hard time in dating because people can't get past that. we are often mirror ourselves in others or our judgement of others. Eg, a girl who dates only good looking guys would often have doubts that she's good looking enough to stay.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 12 (view)

Divorced men... your opinion Posted: 4/3/2009 7:57:27 PM
Thank you for your responses. I should start some private investigation LOL It is so complex when the heart is involved... the main reason why I avoided divorced men for so long. I am not experienced in dating and to translate things can be messy for me. I tend to be very careful who I let in my inner circle because I don't expose my vulnerability to just anyone.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Divorced men... your opinion Posted: 4/3/2009 3:54:01 PM
Divorced men: When your marriage was over, the love of your life is no longer the one you loved. Do you still miss her? do you refer to her in your conversations to other women you date? The gentleman I'm with, is divorced, he always compliments me on how I look, seems to be caring about me... etc. However, it always end up with a reference to his ex-wife, like I look like her, almost like sisters, then he catches himself and says 'not comparing' Do you think he's ready to move on or he's wishing to find her again? I know, I should ask him that. But would it be a sensitive question? What do you think about this?

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 46 (view)

Caucasian dating Indian/will it work? Posted: 4/1/2009 1:00:47 PM
depends on how much you guys are honest and willing to face opposition. Everyone faces opposition as couples. How you handle it individually and as a couple determines the outcome. if you're willing and your partner is so-so, you'll take a lot on your own shoulders, eventually wears out the relationship. If your partner is so-so, he may not be able to oppose his parents and risk being cast out of the family. Me, personally, I tend to avoid those ambiguous situations. It's too much emotions for me to handle. I can love deeply but I can let go to see others being happy too.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 83 (view)

Men....what do you think if SHE pays ? Posted: 3/30/2009 8:27:26 AM
if a guy expects me to pay, I'll kiss him 'buh bye'. if he lets me pay, I'll say 'he's cheap'... A woman likes to be spoilt. I consider this friendship, not a date. if I have no romantic interest, I'll pay for sure. If the guy insists on paying, I will not argue or fight, I just say 'thank you' and be pleasant for the time being. if I'm really interested in someone, I'll offer to pay but expects him to take the lead and pay. On future dates, we can take alternate turns, without counting pennies or how many turns one pays... counting pennies is not charming or elegant!

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 72 (view)

I'm not sure if I did the right thing??? Posted: 3/27/2009 11:49:55 AM
IMO, you started with a good thing but ended up badly. If the outcome was that the man changed his habits, that would have been a better outcome. Fistfighting with him, I think didn't help at that. Most men with a healthy ego would defend like a hero but do you expect to be looked as one. May be you expected that the woman would turn to you and thank you or do something nice for you, as in fairytales. Take it as you did a good thing and that's it. Next time, may be you'll use a different approach that doesn't lead to more fighting. you never know, that woman may be fearing to thank you because the abusive husband would double her treatment later... Abuse is a habit, it requires a change of mind to change a habit. May be a subtler approach: you befriend the husband and try to influence him, may be, just may be, that could work, the wife may fall for you... but this is mere theory and a little of fairy tale too.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

presses up against me? Posted: 3/24/2009 12:58:40 PM
if I'm attracted to a guy, I love to feel his biceps in between my boobs and I have average 38B... I used to tease my xbf just before he asked me out :P I also like to see his face when he's getting a boner in public

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 28 (view)

Virginity and Emotional Attachment Posted: 3/24/2009 11:09:17 AM
swooned, I've been in your shoes until recently and I'm close to 40. I was a virgin till of late. I understand the questions in your head, the curiosity, the attraction to do it. The best way I handle my own horniness was to masturbate. And, every guy who came around never really show me much that convinced me they were the one. In my case, I wanted to keep it till I get married but then decided that NA marriages often dissolve for incompatibility in sex. And, STD\AIDS is not a joke. So, I decided that if I found a nice man who is mature, gentle and caring, I would let him. He was gentle but still it hurt and I got a headache and bled for a few days. He adores me and wants a looong-term relationship. Also, keep in mind that emotions and sex can run wild in bed. If you decide to get nakked, you might not be able to control what happens.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 41 (view)

Men who work too long/are too busy Posted: 3/19/2009 7:27:30 AM
well, depends on what you want... depends on maturity as well there are women who have equally little time as you do but may not be emotionally available to be in a relationship, you may be too. Let's project this a few years ahead, I guess kids come into the picture at some point, right... so, what time will any of you be giving to the kids for nurturing? Can babies/kids be as self-reliant as you and your partner? as a woman, I ask how long will this busyness last. If I am interested in someone for a long-term relationship, I need time with him to know him and establish the foundation of our relationship. If I foresee that there will be no changes, well, personally, that's not for me. Also, as a succesful working female, I see this as a selfish thing for a man to ask if he's not willing to put in the time.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 138 (view)

Broken penis Posted: 3/3/2009 11:01:43 AM
is there something like a penis cast? is it made of clay like the regular cast? that would be good workout lifting the cast... the wife will be pleased

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Chinese Weight Loss Tea Posted: 3/2/2009 9:40:48 AM
like someone said, there's no magic pill. Just be careful of what you eat and exercise. When I was younger, I had a constant dissatisfaction with the way I look. As an asian gal, I was bigger in my class. The dissatisfaction kept me from opening up to guys, and drove to anorexia and bullimic in my teens, took years to stabilize. My hairs fell off and my period stopped for 7 months at the time, it took me years to stabilize. Nowadays, I eat healthy and keep active, despite my chunky looks, I am happy with myself. I heard that in china, some popular singer lost weight but the weight loss was due to her liver dissolving... I don't think you want that, do you? I also see young teenage girls who are anorexic, models who stuff themselves with tissue paper so that they feel full after drinking water... People are obsessed with appearance not goodness of character. If people were good in character, they would see with their heart and not their eyes but it seems that if someone is overweight, confident, happy and accepts him/herself, the other person would reject him/her due to weight. Watch out with those magic pills and seek your friends carefully.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 278 (view)

Good grief...... Posted: 2/27/2009 7:41:03 AM
I'm confused with the words flying around, FWB, Fck buddies. I never knew these words until I joined POF... thanks POF why my confusion? I thought FWB=Fck buddies... isn't buddies=friends? I don't share, so 1 boyfriend at a time is the only I can handle. How can one not get crosswired feelings and conversations with several relationships going on? how can one not mention the other guy/s? I'm pretty sure that if one mentions 'having sex with another guy', this one won't take it too well... may be that's what leads to those reports of amorous disputes/killings... me dont know, and don't wanna be in that situation. 1 relationship is complex enough, now a few guys, that would be the end of me!

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 39 (view)

Friend zone Posted: 2/23/2009 10:27:38 AM
why don't you ask her directly, indicating that you're interested in being more than friends, not only dumping ground I am usually friends with guys, then if they ask me, I let them closer and more intimate. If a guy wants to be my bfriend right away, I usually take it as a joke because they don't know me enough. Sounds like you're a nice guy, you'll find the nice girl who will appreciate you. In the meanwhile, communicate well on what you want and don't want. good luck and hang in there

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 6 (view)

Valentines day dilemma Posted: 2/13/2009 1:43:25 PM
IMO, you're spending time with her, and she already told you it was a preplanned event. It's a month since you met and you already want to own her... that's a lil much, don't you think? Valentine is just marketing... it really make us singles miserable :D I think that you can have a special valentine another day, she'll probably like that better than you throwing a tantrum like a little boy. At 40, that's not a pretty sight

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

When someone sticks their Tongue in your ear Posted: 2/12/2009 12:21:09 PM
no thanks and yeah, he would get an 'ewe'. My first bfriend did this to me, he thought it was a turnon. I jokingly said 'thanks for the earwash but I don't need it

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 63 (view)

Why dont men call? Posted: 2/9/2009 8:52:44 PM
"Ya know.. every man in this thread (so far) has said they don't like calling or to be called everyday... ..." May be that's why the men on this thread are on a dating site I agree to some point that calling everyday is much for a guy but depending on how caring he is and what's going on in both lives, calling everyday may be appropriate... eg, at the start of a relationship, one person going through a hard time, one went away for some time... depends on the circumstance and character personally, if I feel that he's avoiding me, I leave him alone. I don't want to become a blocked number

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 3 (view)

Would you seek medical attention for an erection lasting more than 4 hours? Posted: 2/2/2009 10:52:19 AM
probably his body would be as hard as his P because all the blood rushes there and the heart gives up... impressive but good luck, they might need the electric shock to bring you back!!

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 30 (view)

multiple positions during 1sex session, hows it possible Posted: 2/2/2009 6:51:10 AM
apparently they inject some saline solution or take viagra... A movie may be 1 hr, to make the movie may be several hrs (even the best actors know that!), how else would a guy last hours and hours? (Ghee, he might cramp up ... that would be funny to watch)

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 33 (view)

Why Don't Women Admit they're Just Looking for a Sugar Daddy? Posted: 1/28/2009 8:48:08 AM
It's the same for women. If a woman said, she's not ever going to have sex with you and is just looking for a guy to pay for dinner/movies/trip to Europe/her car payment/her mortgage/her credit cards or do some work around her house or yard she'd seem exactly like we'd seem if we just came right out and said we're just looking for sex. She'd lose her bargaining chip. What guy would even go for it? It's just like we would lose ours if we didn't offer something more, like even just paying for dinner. I am not looking for a guy for all this, this is all generalizations! I have to be attracted to someone to allow them to be emotionally close to me. If the attraction goes out of hand, it's both parties fault. But I don't like to be deceived that a guy wants 'long term' and wants to get in my pants within 2 dates as if his time, energy and resources is so scarce... what I am getting/not getting now is probably how it will be for the long term, no thanks!

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 35 (view)

Sex Massage Posted: 1/21/2009 7:35:23 PM
Girl, you are young... you have your own morals and trespassing your own values never resolves a situation. You seem to be hanging on to a wish/dream that he didn't do those things. when I read your posts, it seems that you want to change him... he's 38 yrs old, he can't change of his own, you think you can? He may be with you only for the time being, who knows till when... If you can't figure a life without him, too bad, life can be tough but it's reality. He may or may not leave you but it's unhealthy to be dependent on someone for one's own happiness.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Down and dirty... Posted: 1/21/2009 7:03:58 AM
I love massages but love it deep. I somehow have a lot of scar tissue in my leg, so he'll have to go deep. If the touch is light, I get ticklish. My ex-bfriend used to massage my legs and feet but when he reached the toes, he would suddenly crack them... gheezz, that was unexpected and I found it pretty annoying

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 88 (view)

Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive? Posted: 1/19/2009 11:13:57 AM
Are you thinking straight? (Not sounding judgemental here but I hope to get you to think) you have a daughter, you're 19. You may have some extra weight, so what? 1. the guy has molestation in his past 2. the guy may commit suicide!! Whether it's because you're asking him things or whatever reason, this is sign of an unstable unhealthy character. 3. the guy doesn't like you and has an issue with your weight. What do you need? Someone who bashes your self esteem and confidence day-in, day-out? 4. most important of all, you have a daughter. She is witnessing what's going on in your life and you can potentially be exposing her to a danger situation with this guy. You are her role model and you could be a complice with her molester I am not here to tell you what to do, (nor anyone in the forums), you live your own life. But, if I were in your shoes, I would cut off the relationship with the guy right away! I wouldn't seek undeserved attention. I would be strong to seek the right person to love me and my daughter for who we are.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 15 (view)

The Kisssin Game. Posted: 1/19/2009 8:45:16 AM
I love being kissed by my man, I simply love the sensitive touch of my man

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 139 (view)

Do you believe a woman when she says ... Posted: 1/19/2009 8:39:41 AM
I sometimes like things that guys do such as riding a scooter, basket ball, hiking, etc... Not all women are the same. I was brought up with 4 brothers, I was also taught how to fight despite the fact that they are stronger than I am. That's how I know the guy stuff and grow an appreciation of them. I personally can't stand long nails, they remind me of witches (uhoh, now i'm in trouble), I trim my nails once they start digging in my palms... It doesn't mean that I cannot use makeup or be beautiful in a soiree dress or be a wonderful mother...

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 56 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 1/19/2009 8:02:24 AM
I was myself verbally abused, several times threatened sexually... At one point in my life, I wanted to commit suicide. But, by grace, my life has turned around with the help of some key people in my life. Now, I enjoy the people in my life and help whereever I can. I think that I lead a normal life but it took a long time to accept my situation. One thing that helped change it all was to completely change the environment I was in.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 55 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 1/19/2009 7:54:07 AM
I feel for those women who've been abused, it does impact their self-esteem, self-confidence... it's like something precious has been wrongly taken from them. That's why most will have issues with trusting people. If you love the person for who he/she truly is, you can bear accompany her on the journey but each step is his/hers to take. as for signs that shows abuse... well, there are all sorts and extremes. Eg, someone who's been abused can become an abuser, towards others or their own body. They may become some kind of addict, eg, food addiction, sex addiction, bi-polar... signs of an unhealthy soul/mind. They may do it as a punishment to others or themselves. Their way of seeing good and bad may be flawed... etc. A gifted counsellor would be able to help them but they also need the support of their close ones. If I were to become aware of abuse among my friends, I would not judge or jump to conclusion, I would rather treat it as precious that the person trusted me and I will try to not break that trust.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 17 (view)

Maybe led on Posted: 1/16/2009 12:13:37 PM
the responses on here are really funny!! I guess I'm on a boat headed in that direction... to thailand!! I met a guy who likes asian gals 3 months ago, only once... have been texting and emailing since but never met again... now, looks like these are slowing down... yeah, men don't seem to have the same focus as us women thanks for the reminder, I better change mindset and focus on another hansum lad

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 9 (view)

Exercise and incredibly sleepy Posted: 1/13/2009 12:10:29 PM
hmm... thanks. Dunno if OHIP covers those you mean I should do this right after exercise (stupid of me to ask) or as part of a regular blood test Also, I work out, 2-3 times a week. If I were to go 6-7 over 7 days, how can I make it interesting and also not stressing my body, like what days for cardio, strength, rest, etc... if any of you could throw some tips to a newbie, I could use some. thanks

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 7 (view)

Exercise and incredibly sleepy Posted: 1/13/2009 10:25:52 AM
also, I notice that when I go back home, I am not hungry so I go to bed. I fall asleep at some point but then after about 4 hours, I am woken up with my stomach burning. I have to eat something, sometimes peanut butter on a toast. I then sleep 2 more hours before I have to wake up again to work! I would think good sleep is mandatory for the body to repair itself, but my body is all wacked. I can't take coffee or tea in the afternoon, I get hyper and it won't allow me to rest. My sleep cycle is very sensitive

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 4 (view)

Exercise and incredibly sleepy Posted: 1/13/2009 8:54:12 AM
Thank you for your responses, I'll implement them

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 34 (view)

Why can't I let myself loose weight? Posted: 1/13/2009 8:37:32 AM
I agree with the post above. A therapist could help you figure out the root of the problem. some women do this to sabotage themselves, they are not ready for emotional involvement or not confident enough to sustain the success... Do the people you care about notice and compliment you? Do men compliment you? Do you like it when you get compliments from people you care about... from men in general? I have this problem too. My weight loss journey was at one time, anorexic and bullimic. I realise that I am scared of people knowing me intimately... am still seeking the root and solution... For now, one thing I can say: Accept yourself and celebrate over your successes, whether small or great.

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 1 (view)

Exercise and incredibly sleepy Posted: 1/13/2009 8:18:28 AM
I am trying to lose weight, it is very very slow. About 20 years ago, I was anorexic then bullimic, it took me years to stabilize my weight, probably my metabolism slowed down or something. Here's what I've started and the problem: Whenever I exercise, I do some warm-up, 30 mins of cardio, then about 30 mins weights. When doing the weights, I am incredibly sleepy, yawning all the time. But when I get home, I can't really sleep. What's wrong with me? (I've tried searching for a thread like this, couldn't find it)

woterlily

Joined: 12/31/2007

Msg: 21 (view)

Lack of Communication Posted: 1/12/2009 12:49:59 PM
May be he is overwhelmed with his load of studies and it requires him much effort to talk. I know someone who's like that... He would be happy to just say nothing the whole day. Especially when things get complicated, emotionally or otherwise, when he needs to mentally work on issues, he spends his energy on the issues and doesn't have much energy to formulate words... may be you could find out how you can help... it may or may not work but I think he'd appreciate the thought. if this doesn't work long-term for you, you may have to reconsider the type of guy to date :) My 2 cents

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