Texting or Calling? chat & forums.

Show ALL Forums

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Author

Thread: Texting or Calling?

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Texting or Calling? Posted: 8/7/2012 4:46:23 AM
Personally? Definitely a phone call. Nothing wrong with a few texts after the invite if you are fiming up dates, time or location, but do the inviting over the phone, After a few dates and you are getting on ok, mix it up with some texts, no problem

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested Posted: 8/7/2012 4:38:49 AM
Actually I think they are being polite to last 2+ hours, its fairly standard for a date. Wouldn't it be rude to cut & dash in less than an hour? It would only be worse to being stood up if someone met you out then called it quits after an hour. But ok if it is bothering you & you want to cut to the chase, why not try a lunch time date? that way both parties are restricted to an hour. Or try speed-dating? set time, and you get to meet mutiple potentials One thing strange though, are you saying they ( all) text'd you at about 10.40pm saying not interested in a long term r/ship - why would they do that? is it unprompted or have you texted them and asked them? I just find it strange all three women are texting you after the date to say 'no go'. I think there is a step left out here, hence my question are they responding to a follow up text by you after the date is over, asking what their level of interest is? If so, just leave that part out PS for the record 3 dates isn't a lot, wouldnt give up based on that.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Is this man for real Posted: 10/22/2009 1:21:00 AM
This is easy. Wait the two weeks and you will find out. If he doesn't try to sleep with her he's being real.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

First Dates -> Cinema Posted: 9/7/2009 12:55:56 AM
I dont think its anti-social, but I wouldn't class it as a great idea either. Very hard to talk, especially at a time when you first meet someone the number 1 thing you really want to talk and find out a bit about them. I agree, great date later down the track, but not first. Also consider what if you don't like them or you find them creepy, stuck in the dark for 2 hours with someone you dont like - no thanks

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Why do I always put my foot in my mouth about my weight? Posted: 5/15/2009 5:15:08 PM
You have already identified your problem which shows advanced self-awareness, so congrats to you. I think the issue here is how you do with it. Yes it's self esteem, these things are obviously huge issues to you and you are projecting onto people you really haven't had a chance to develop a relationship with. This is fear of rejection for those issues. You want to get it out there very early on probably because you dont want to go through the emotion building with someone only to be rejected later because of these things. So Im thinking deep down you are probably thinking "lets get this over with, will you dump me for this or not, I want to know now." Personally and this is only my opinion, I think you would do wonderfully with someone to talk through these issues with on a much deeper level. Perhaps a counsellor. Note, not a shrink but there are some great 'life coaches' out there. They can talk you through personal issues, they can do all sorts of thing like discuss career, health not just mental and/or spiritual well-being. Someone other than a prospective partner so that you can sort these things out for yourself and be on the way to accepting that these two issues ( to you) dont have to be relationship deal breakers. You can work through your fears, your concerns with a professional, who can help you develop tricks and patterns of behaviours that promote positive thinking and well being. But I think you need to do this now, before you can start thinking about a relationship. Because as you said you will keep sabotaging yourself, so if I were you, I wouldn't waste time learning how to love and accept and be comfortable with who you are and your life !!

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

I think I scared him off Posted: 5/15/2009 5:02:35 PM
Have to agree with some points DeagleNinja made , sounds like you have it all sorted in your head what you want and want him to fit into that without giving him much room to think a) before responsing and b) you "told" him you liked him and want to be exclusive. Telling isnt discussing. You really didnt give him a lot of room to move here did you. Perhaps next time, try 'what do you think about seeing other people?" if this is what is on your mind. Then give him a chance to talk first, and actually listen to what he is saying and reflect on that. Men are funny creatures, I have found the most valuable lesson in trying to understand men is that what a man says, he generally means. The problem can be when we dont want to listen because we dont like the answer . Your best bet is to really listen without trying to overlay what you want on top of that and make him fit. Yes you have to evaluate whether want he wants suits what you want, and make a decision about that, but you cant force it to. I am all for communication and you should be able to discuss things with a guy after 3 months, albiet I agree only meeting once a week for 4 weeks is still early. However, whenever you do want to start communication next time, try openng with a open ended question, before you start telling what you want. If you are worried you have scared him off, give him some space. Don't force the issue, he will come back after he has some time thinking about what you have just told him. Remember you were thinking about it before you spoke, now give him some time to think. Then you may get a more clearer response Good luck

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

Three Day Rule Posted: 4/29/2009 4:57:32 AM
I think if a guy calls you the next day he is really genuinely interested and I take it as an awesome sign. If I met someone and really was interested I am hoping he will call me the next day. For me the 3 day rule goes the other way - if he hasnt he called within 3 days he aint that keen. Actually I will stretch it to out to the following weekend, if he hasnt called by the weekend its a bit so/so and whether the reasons were genuine or not, Id probably be a bit wondering if he was really that 'keen'. Anyhoo... Really - there arent supposed to be hard and fast 'rules', just personal guidelines to suit different individuals. Go with the flow and what you know is reasonable. You like someone, calling them the next day is totally ok in my opinion

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

I need your help to decipher his behavior of 2 messages Posted: 4/29/2009 4:50:02 AM
Decoded...mesg one...trying to hook up fter his free wheelin B.S. mesg 2 ....you didnt respond fast enough so he was reniging to save face. Got it in one hit.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

I have no idea what a good email should include Posted: 4/29/2009 4:46:49 AM
I think I would approach it from not what a good email should include, but more what a good email SHOULDNT include :)

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Do you think it is a sign when meeting children Posted: 4/29/2009 4:44:45 AM
Sure do. I also think its a sign of responsibility and caring that when dating, someone takes the time to get to know someone else before letting them into their childrens' lives Hope it goes well.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

I think he is a player Posted: 4/29/2009 4:31:43 AM
Ok you say gut instinct sometimes isnt wrong. The other side of that statement also means that sometimes it is This instinct, hunches of yours sound like they are more based on emotion. I say that because you simply don't have enough physical, visual or verbal evidence to prove it. I think from your posts, the real issue you have is that you are worried about being hurt and letting it override everything else [at this point]. This is normal, everyone when meeting people always will wonder, ooh dear am I setting myself up here to be played / hurt / whatever and look - there is nothing wrong with that if its managed properly otherwise you run the risk of being whats known as paranoid. You are letting this worryt get the better of you too early. That probably the real basis you have this 'hunch' Keep your instincts around, Im not saying to dismiss them altogether, but rather keep them on a tight rein for now - and manage your expectations accordingly. I agree with another poster on here, get to know him first, without getting intimate or too involved too early and/or laying all your emotions down over one date. Wrong, wrong wrong to ask him outright if he is a player. That is assumption at least, and insulting at most - You dont know that and what if he wasnt? He could get offended and be a perfectly decent ok guy- and walk away. How would you like it if a guy asked you after one date - are you a player - or whatever the female equivalent is? So....Talk to him with an open mind. Gather your 'evidence' from the things he says and does. Then make your decision after a reasonable amount of time [ ok he rocks up to a second date with the playboy bunnies in his convertible and asks you to a swingers party - that could be reasonable enough time - the point is wait until you see it before you call it ] All you can do is know what you want, be realistic, know your standards, boundaries and expectations. Have a very real idea of who and what you would like to be with, then give the person a chance to see if they can be these things. What you have so far simply isnt enough. Good luck.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Is it normal to want to know everything about someone's past? Posted: 4/28/2009 4:56:35 AM
No, not all women are like that. I never think its a good idea to be grilled on statistics of intimacies in the past, especially early in the relationship. Exact numbers are just bad taste, . Maybe later in a relationship when trust and respect have been established. But any earlier it tells me someone is counting their ssexual encounters or the person who is asking, is counting. But maybe thats just me. [ the exception to this is should there be any communicable STDs involved then yes people should be informed of details before intimacy is established, but I think that is out of scope of your post] If you are happy to volunteer this information thats fine but you obviously do feel uncomfortable. I disagree that someone at 31 to have 23 partners is promiscuous. Lets say you became sexually active at 18 ( a conservative age in these times I know) thats 13 years. Thats less than 2 people a year. Hardly out banging someone every weekend of your life is it? [ unless of course it was in one week then yeh I have to retract my statement and would say that was basis for therapy, but I digress...]So dont feel bad about it and hopefully she wont make you feel bad. If you really like her though and want to give this a go, just tell her the past is the past, she is all that matters, and you dont really remember any more exact details. Maybe you could ask her some questions about herself in other aspects of her life and background - to help alleviate the feeling she has you should want to know her everything about her. Tell her you are interested in her but you have respect for her past and privacy and all you care about is now. That may help ??

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

I saw a friend of mine here, and said hello. Was that wrong? Posted: 4/27/2009 2:34:03 AM
I think you may be worrying about it too much. Honestly don't take internet sites too seriously. If you know this person in real life, that is a much better way to get to know her or just communicate. I;m sure she is not reading that much into an unread email from you. She really truly may not have logged in to this site for that long. Next time you see her, just say hey I saw that site you mentioned and sent you a Hi. That's all you need to do.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off? Posted: 4/26/2009 9:59:24 AM
Its only human to be nervous on a first date. Its not a turn off to me. Its kinda flattering tom e that I make someone nervous, in a nice way, and me being nervous is a kind of excitment. Isnt it what the butterflies are all about. As others have said there are varying degrees, but some nerves are totally ok. It's part of getting to know someone...

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

A rock and a hard place Posted: 4/26/2009 9:55:05 AM
First of all, please dont take this the wrong way, but I enjoyed your post. Im not making light of your sitiation but you obviously have sense of humour. That could be a good thing Second, though - from a girls perspective. I can sum it up this way - you are the' Back Up Guy'. Or as someone else on here said, the Rock. This is good from a long term friendship and respect point of view, but its bad from a romance point of view. I feel you are too entrenched to move away from this pigeon hole unless YOU take action... The only thing I can suggest is you remove yourself.... as another poster ( I am agreeing with most of them so far) said, you need to go out with someone else - no, not play games or use someone to make her jealous - but even if you are not around so much - you have to force to think of you differently than the Back Up Guy As hard as this might be, and you will feel pretty crappy doing it at first, if you want more, you have to remove yourself from friend, always- there- for- you status - to 'I have a Life Without You' status. Only this may may make her wake up and realise you are something else other than a friend. If you stay as you are, she will continue to treat you as you are. Which is fine if you happy to be a friend, but as your post suggests, you aren't. No I am not saying be an a##. I am just say politely remove yourself from being her shoulder to cry on for a while, so she will have to view you differently other than that This could take months, but then it has been months already... I dont think you have much to lose. Real friendships survive the odd hiatus. She will either view you differently...or continue to be your friend...if which the former happens then you will well and truly know where you stand and in the meantime you may just meet someone totally hot for you and not have to worry about this stuff . I really dont think you can lose much at this point ( as long, as I said, you are not a complete a## about it). But then the latter could happen and it could be Happy Days for you....you sound patient...so could be worth the shot. Staying as you are though, wont get you anywhere... Good luck...

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

no call Posted: 11/26/2008 3:51:21 AM
Sorry Jim978 No, that isn't the "only" reason. Not by a long shot. Then if he only has the text service as you say, but cant call - the rest of it is writing on the wall. Seriously.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

The Best Way to Tell Someone You Do Not Like Him Romantically But Still Stay Friends??? Posted: 11/22/2008 4:45:32 AM
"" I think you are great person but I just dont feel romantically about you. But I really would like to have you as a friend and I really mean that" Think about do you really want to keep him as a friend and if so add those last few words because as most people will take it, the 'friendship speech' can sometime be intepreted as the blow off. So if you are genuine about his friendship, you may want to be sure he understands that the last part.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

When is enough enough? Posted: 11/22/2008 4:34:07 AM
I have the three strike rule for any one act that makes me feel bad / unhappy in a relationship ( other than cheating, drug abuse and other more hard line one strike only offences) The first strike I allow in case I got it wrong. The second in case I am worried I am imagining things or over reacting. Third time, I know its there and yup, enough is enough. So yes I have given 1st & second chances. However, I have communicated at each time at the time, and brought my concerns up BEFORE I go too worked up. OP sounds like you 'felt' you had shown him you didnt like something by huges fights and tears, but did you ever just sit down when calm, at the right time and talk - not fight - about what was bothering you If not, and you feel you can do this, you might want to give it a shot before you are all upset and yelling and swearing at each other. [ though I agree if a guy told me to shut the F up, that would be a deal breaker. However I would ask if you were swearing at him and throwing the F word around, it may be relative to the situation. If it is a habit of his and not just heat of the moment, then yeh you need to seriously think about the respect here.] Anyway if you can have the discussion without the tantrums, then you will know if you can give it another go.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

no call Posted: 11/22/2008 12:06:49 AM
1.30am. 3.30am and so on is booty call. Unless someone needs bailing out of jail or has to go the hospital, there is no other reason someone needs to call you at that time. Sorry. It is also why he is checking you arent mad at him, he doesnt want to ruin the opptnty for the booty call The fact you supposedly "cant "call him is BS - on his part. If his phone was disconnected, then what use is you sending him a text - th e phone is disconnected according to him isnt it? IWhiles it might true texts can get through where calls wont, they cant get through on a disconnected service & you would get a disconnected message when you try to call. Have you actually heard the message say disconnected? My guess it is saying unavailable or not answering cause he is turning it off to avoid your calls. Either that or he has another handset. Or he didnt pay the bill and then fixed it a couple of days later, would be the only reason the phone could be disconnected, and again, on those times, a text wouldnt be able to get through. Only th ephone company can disconnect the line. Not him. Either way it is BS, he just wants to control when you call so you dont wake the wife and kids / gilfriend / whatever Sorry to be blunt but the writing is on the wall. Its a good thing you find out early on. Dont let vague stories and excuses fool you anyway - the fact he calls at 1.30 am + is enough. This guy is unavailable during normal hours for a reason. Good luck

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 55 (view)

Odd that it bothers me that she has NEVER voted? Posted: 11/20/2008 12:39:06 AM
crystalise --> In the US, registering to vote is voluntary - as is actually voting once you have registered. Thanks MissSpock. Interesting. As I said it's compulsory here once registered. There was a timeswhen there was a local council election and I forgot all about it. (Local elections dont get anywhere near the media attention the federal election does) Got a pleasant surprise ( not) in the mail. I had to write a letter to get out of the fine. Only time I missed voting since I was 18. Jury duty is same here - compulsory - and very hard to get out of.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Help with the exclusive discussion? Posted: 11/16/2008 1:05:50 AM
"if you want me to take it down, just ask"... When he said this to you, WHY didnt you say.... "OK, that would be nice" ?? Be honest, not ambigious- tell him what you are really thinking, not just trying to hide what you want in order to be what you think he wants. You aren't being whiny - you are entitled to your viewpoint on how you would like to be with this guy. Isn't the time you invested in this just as important as his ?? So, he has asked you - its now your turn to tell him. Simple If he goes back on this, and doesnt do it - you will then know he is not genuine and that person you describe as " looking around for something better" and save yourself a lot of grief later on.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

do you think people can be turned off by profession? Posted: 11/16/2008 12:59:53 AM
Absolutely! It happens all the time. There are snobs out there like you wouldn't believe. the world is full of stories of people looking down their noses at what other people do for a living... Then, there are people who may not like what people do for other personal or moral reasons eg a vegan might not like to date a guy who works in the abbatoir ( and to me thats a bit different and ok) , but really they seem to be a minority - In my experience it's been more to do with superficiality. If someone judges you that negatively for what you do, just do exactly what you did, get rid of 'em!

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Is he interested or not? Posted: 11/16/2008 12:55:23 AM
Put simply - its too soon to tell. Seriously. You have only met him twice Its a positive sign you could talk for 7 hours. Thats a good start. But I emphasis START. You have only just met. You need to spend more time with him, without or without 'Bech' - who could very well be a totally platonic friend, so I wouldnt analyse her too much at this point. You simply dont know what the story is so I wouldn't be reading that much into it as you are. The point is you need to catch up with him a lot more than this to tell. Go on this friendly hike thing, see what happens. The way to tell if he is romantically after that, is HE will ask YOU out. Then, you can start to analyse the 'what-if's'

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

Odd that it bothers me that she has NEVER voted? Posted: 11/15/2008 3:32:21 AM
Not really that odd. Different strokes for different folks. What is what mattered is that it bothered you. Not everyone is going to agree with you but it doesnt matter, not everyone has to date this person. You are entitled to choose what bothers you and what doesnt and date accordingly I think you are more wondering if you are being overally picky or wierd by asking this question re voting. There are so many deal breakers out there, all aligned to so many different people, that you are not going to get any kind of real consensus on that. If you are asking opinions on the voting thing in particular, no it wouldnt bother me. And I dont see enrolling to vote as civic duty - it is choice ( I am assuming she has never enrolled as I dont see how else she would get away with it, but then I dont know American voting legislation) . Here in Australia, once enrolled, it is an obligation & you will get fined if you don't vote. But I woldn't break up with someone over it - there's a lot worse out there than that.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

What's the rule for dating multiple people? Posted: 11/15/2008 2:27:14 AM
Just be honest and upfront early on. Saying you are dating - there is nothing wrong with you asking them as well. Especially with people meeting on the net, its fairly typical conversation to ask about some dating experiences in general - thats a good opportunity to say, you are having a couple of dates or "open to meeting people" I would say it would be fairly unrealistic to expect exclusive commitment on a firsat date or even first few dates. You are right, you need to meet a variety of people to see what you like. I feel that if the guy likes me he will come back for me and eventually only want to see me. When I think its right I would ask the question if it was bothering me then. If the person cant deal with it, I wouldnt be having a second date. A date is not a commitment. Its up to two people when is the best time to bring up the subject of seeing each other exclusively. This typically should happen BEFORE getting into bed, but I know reality is not often like this. It is very handy tip for people to try to remember though because sex does change things and perceptions. When you feel its time to see just one person at a time, you will know and have the appropriate conversation. Be honest ( but tactful) in the meantime and you should have nothing to feel bad about. Its up to other people to manage their expectations as well.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Respecting the Declaration of Independence! Posted: 11/15/2008 2:16:47 AM
He wants to be close but without the commitment. Basically sounds like he just wants it on his terms. You are NOT acting close because really you are not happy with this situation ( that is what the self protection thing you are describig is all about - barriers are up). You phrase it in your post many times that everything is on his boundaries. This situation is not going to work, because these are not boundaries you really agree to. You are whats known as "settling" because you feel you cant do better or "this will do for now" So after the intitial shock, you think, well, he`s the best I`ve met in a long time, and you really don`t need a man around all that much anyways, so you continue to see him on those terms. Better off finding someone who wants the same things as you

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

Can I date while my ex still lives with me? Posted: 11/15/2008 1:54:23 AM
I wouldnt date a guy whose ex still lived with him. Even, if I did believe it was platonic, I still wouldn't because it tells me there are still ties, regardless how noble and helpful he was being. Also 7 months is too long, its not "temporary" , and would be a neon sign this female is still dependent on that guy. It would also make me wonder what were the boundaries, and if I did date the guy how dependent would she be - even if she moved out? eg everytime she needs a lightbulb changed would she be on his doorstep? No thanks. The question that really springs to mind though from your post is - Why do you have to convince future women to bend around your ex? Why aren't you more focussed on getting your ex out and moving on with her life? so you can move on with yours & date. I mean to put it bluntly you wanting both ( letting the ex live with you and date other women) is whats known as one of those 'awkward' situations for any future date. I think you are putting your ex's needs first whether you realise it or not, and any woman you wanna date with an average IQ is going to sense that. So no, I dont think your dating chances are looking good

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

Can you believe this? Posted: 11/15/2008 12:19:58 AM
Yeh I read about this - its a bit funny. To me its just the same as dirty emails , IM or webcam sex with someone else . INow we have avatars - our own little mini-me cartoon characters. It was bound to happen. This guy has an avatar and so does the other female, then they have avatar sex etc. I can see why she got ticked, it comes downt the same thing, he was cheating online. Ho hum.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

what should i do Posted: 10/2/2008 4:17:04 AM
Sorry but I am just not a fan of the "oh my god I was so drunk I didnt know what I was doing routine" What ? was she in a coma? No? Then She knew what she was doing, the booze just made her not give a s***t. And the best friend?? even lower on the sleaze scale. So move on. The couple that pass out together, stay together...

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

I need advice Posted: 10/2/2008 3:12:13 AM
What would I do in this situation? He is visiting family - let him be As to his behaviour - sounds like they don't know about you. I would be asking him if they do and if not, why not. Could be he is waiting for the right time to bring you up...if he is a from a traditional family it probably has to be done at the right time. They could get upset with HIM that he hasnt mentioned you before so he is looking for time or the right way to tell them about you. You ringing every day could ruin this - so if it were me, I would back off If it is any other reason it will come out when he is back anyway. So leave well enough alone for now

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 61 (view)

Does anyone have a bf or gf test? Posted: 9/6/2008 8:02:54 AM
Everyone has a mental checklist, dont care who they are. The thing is it is different for everyone based on what they want, expect or dream about for themselves and that potential significant other Actually testing someone however, that is ,setting up someone to 'test' how they respond smacks a little of playing games to me. And it can backfire on you. To go with one example quoted on here - What if the girl doesnt want to reach over the car to unlock a door -because she doesn't want to 'mess' with anything in the guy's car? Could just be a sign of respect. Best bet is let them be themselves and let the mental checklist take care of itself. You will ( or should) know what works for you - its called getting to know someone one - without having to set anything up....

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

Met someone you connect with only to find out...... Posted: 9/6/2008 7:26:03 AM
To the OP - this friend of yours is actually being told the truth upfront by the guy, not once - but twice, but she simply isnt listening! If you want to help her, tell to stop fantasising and projecting her own 'want's on this guy. He has been honest and done in what sounds like a fairly decent & respectful way. It is actually really self-obsessed if she continues to moan about what SHE wants without accepting what he is saying and giving him the respect he has shown her. By the way, her definition of 'click' with someone could be a lot different from his. He obviously doesnt think the same.She needs to wake up, listen to this guy, accept reality and set her sights somewhere else.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Why is my ex doing things like this after a breakup? Posted: 9/6/2008 7:05:59 AM
2 months later? And you are still asking why? Cause he wants se--x and knows there's a damn good chance you're up for it. Sorry but you have been relegated to the level of 'booty call'. If you don't like, don't play up to his advances. You are just as a big a participant in these scenes as he is. So dont keep asking "why?" about him. What you should be asking is WHY do YOU keep shagging him. And Im guessing because you there's a good chance you think by shagging him you will end up back in a relationship. But it won't. If he is getting the good stuff without the commitment or any other hard work, fat chance he is going to lock himself into anything else with you. Good news is you do have a choice here. You do have some kind of control, and that is realise what this situation REALLY is and move on ....

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

How would sudden wealth change your dating style. Posted: 8/10/2008 2:31:06 AM
Just means I would travel all the time, and think nothing of taking my private jet ( the one I keep for the running around in) to any location for a date. Or if he was really cute arrange the chopper to pick him up.... Id keep a pad in all my favourite cities all around the world. Probably spend too much time partying with the friends on the Riveria,Amalfi Coast, Malinue, Whistler or Aspen to date for a while

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 232 (view)

What's the Biggest Age Difference? Posted: 8/10/2008 2:25:50 AM
8 years. I was 30 he was 22. We went out for over 3 years - I broke it off because I wasn't ready to settle down and he was. You would think it would be the other way around funnily but it wasn't. I dont think age in physical numbers is good enough gauge. I did hesitate at first - but he really had his act together for someone his age which is what changed my outlook on the numbers. Its where you are at in your life and your outlook. Its just that 'typically' an age used to denote what stage of life you should be at. I think with people staying single longer, being overall more healthy, able to stay younger and healthier longer, people also divorcing on the rise, that what used to be typical isnt so common anymore. There are more and more single poeple 30-50 and suddenly we realise life isnt over by a long shot... I would be more inclined to look at the person for other reasons, such as common goals, outlooks and personality traits than their birth certificate.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 166 (view)

The 3 Day Rule Posted: 8/7/2008 6:02:25 AM
To the OP - do what you want to do. When it stops working for you - then question it.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Getting The SUBTLE Brush Off!! Posted: 8/7/2008 5:59:00 AM
"then all of a sudden it stops " = NOT subtle. Its the opposite You could replace the silence with the words I dont want to see you anymore and it amounts to almost the same thing. That is your best way to read it. I dont think its right, in fact its almost the worst way to go about things, but that is what it means Yes its happened to me, I gave one call asking if everything was alright ( to cover the omg -hes -in hospital -with -no fingers -from- saving puppies -from -a burning house and -that -is- why- he -cant- call -me syndrome) and one email ( to cover the-in- case he -could -direct -the- nurse -at -his -bedside- to- type -a response for him. ( Tip this previous scenario is very seldom EVER the reason so dont bother with it....) But nothing back. I left it and wrote the person off.... Also a lot depends on the status of your relationship with the person - ( ie were just casual, seldom contact anyway- random catchups) but even then - If someone does not have the common decency to treat you as a human being with basic social courtesy as letting you know what is happening ( or not in this case) or even just reply to your contact at least once....not worth your time

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 51 (view)

He dissapeared again... :( Posted: 8/7/2008 5:45:54 AM
Sounds married to me typical flaky behaviour..makes plans but cant get away from wife and/or family. Cancels and/or doesnt call because he cant ( wife and/or family are around) only can make contact randomly and at wierd times ( hes snuck away to the restroom in the Maccas or at the office after his co-workers arent around). Uses problems to evoke your sympathy and understanding to keep you hangin on til he can sneak away.... Married !

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 103 (view)

First Date Shallowness...I really need some help on this. Posted: 8/7/2008 5:40:31 AM
Msg 101 & 100 - awww I feel a POF romance coming on good luck you two.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

His mobile is switched off! Posted: 8/7/2008 5:34:11 AM
To answer your question - if someone becomes uncontactable for a significant amount of time ( "significant" is directly proportionate to the amount of time they used to contact you previously in comparison) - they aren't interested anymore. Doesnt matter why. Doesnt matter if he met someone else, grew an extra head - whatever. They arent interested in communicating. End of story Yes it would be nice to know Im agree - but dont waste too much time on it. Just accept and move on. A hint though, that may help you work out why - you wrote this but I wasnt sure about him so didnt really reply You dont say how long this was for that YOU didnt reply to him. So sounds like you may have done the no-contact thing first. If so, I guess you are just getting the same treatment back. 'You reap what you sow' and all that... Just a thought...

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

Sending text message for b-day That was sweet Posted: 8/7/2008 5:11:07 AM
To OP No, that's not always true. When I say sweet - I mean sweet. I would say it to both friend male and a romantic male. Its not a good way to tell the difference on how she feels about you. Could be either. Still a very positive response and that she appreciated your message. If you want to know how much she appreciated you might have to find another way. PS text messages are not a good way to analyse any kindof deep emotion at the best of the times. You should be considering how the phone call went that you made that night instead.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Harmless Innuendo in Emails Posted: 8/7/2008 5:07:05 AM
OP - you might not think its harmless and you mean well, but - unfortunately - out of the millions of people online, its only natural that not everyone is going to think the same as you. The key here - is get to know your audience first if you are concerned about the way it could be taken -which I guess you wouldnt have asked the question if you weren't. Dont use the innuendo straight up - it could come across as a corny pick-up line - regardless of the screenname. Thats just my feedback and as I said not everyone will think the same as me, but the point is, you dont know until after some type of exchange. Talk first, suggest later...

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

Keeping your name after marriage Posted: 4/1/2008 4:23:02 AM
Here is your first test of what marriage is all about. Compromise No, wanting to keep your keep name is not unreasonable. I totally understand being attached to it and wanting to keep it, I have thought of that myself at times... Yes, I know people who hyphenate ie keep both names. You really need to talk to your partner about this one. Don't forget to tell him how you feel... try to be tactful about it. You both should be respectful of each other's feeling on this or else not a good start to a lifetime together?. And, yes be open to compromise

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 45 (view)

Are men really this simple? Posted: 4/1/2008 4:18:27 AM
I thought you just had to turn up naked and bring beer.......... ???

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

what to do Posted: 3/8/2008 11:18:39 PM
He told you he didn't want a relationship. Why arent you listening to him? Everyone likes company, he probably enjoys yours, and it is on offer if you agree to see him knowing he said he doesnt want a relatiosnhip with you - he isn't using you because he has told you the truth. Also, being with someone because they enjoy your company and saying they love you - does not equal a commitment. You can love someone (or think you do) and still not want to be with them full-time. As for the strange 'not hardly speaking' part - thats not strange at all- it is that way because he doesnt consider the two of you in a relationship and he isn't obligated to any particular communication ritual. He isnt hiding his feelings, he has told you exactly how he feels - he doesn't want a relationship. You need to believe him.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

1st date at someones house! Posted: 3/8/2008 11:05:01 PM
Peanut butter - dont worry about the posts, like gork, you are not addressing your question without patronising you for asking it. You are correct in that you are in a discussion forum. When I was younger I was a bit confused about the "come back to my place and I will cook you dinner date" if I didnt ask people what they thought I could have walked into a bad situation. You have a right to ask. The fact that you ask shows you have obvious concerns and hence some obvious IQ points.. I have never had a first date at a guys house because, just like you I stopped and asked the question, was it an ok thing to do?. Thanks to well meaning friends like the more constructive answers you are getting on here, I took the right advice and kept it public. Dinner at someone else's house is always nice, but get to know them first. Meet their friends, have him meet yours, go to his place in a group situation, ie if he is having a bbq or a group of friends around for some drinks, is a good way of moving into seeing where he lives or him yours. But take your time by all means and - when in doubt, just don't do it.

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Daytime vs. Nighttime Dates Posted: 3/8/2008 10:50:15 PM
Well I have always preferred evening dates because I am sure my attractiveness rating goes up 200% once the sun goes down Ok seriously, I dont mind. Daytime is good for someone I am not sure about. There is less of a romantic abiance, should I/he decide there is no spark. I feel it lowers the awkwardness of any "nocturnal expectations" However for romance, you cant go past the evening dinner- bit wierd having candles in broad daylight... AS for the old & tired thing OP, I dont think it is that. It is the hours you put in during the day! Anyone who started at 5.am would be beat by 8! If you really meet someone you would like to spend an evening with and dont want to fall asleep in your entree, I would suggest preparing ahead. Arrange a later work start ahead of time, try to do it on a weekend so there is no work - sometimes half of the tiredness is due to worrying/thinking about work the next day. Give this a try and see if it works Most of all, have fun

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 511 (view)

Women who smoke are far more promiscuous. Posted: 1/2/2008 3:07:31 AM
And I thought i had heard/read some good ones. Cracking up. Funny thing is, common presumption is that smokers are lighting up to reduce stress, wouldnt stress indicate lack of sex? Then again could indicate stress from bad sex!! Smoking has been known to be a substitute for a lot of things.... If you are truly being promiscous, who has the time to light up??

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Has anyone had to deal with a dating gap like this? Posted: 12/1/2007 3:34:07 AM
Example: the most beautiful gilr in my singles group had a long term affair with a married man who beat her up regularly; another lady member said 'why dont you go with one of these nice kind men.....says she 'but I dont like nice kind men' go figure Yes - this is 1 woman. Who has made a bad choice. But when guys walks around saying MOST or 80% of women dont want a nice guy, I just find it a cop out - it usually said by men who, as another poster ,said "shift blame"eg " Oh I lost out with her because she doesnt want a nice guy""...No...thats too easy a label - and its getting to be than face the fact the girl just didnt like you for you. Everyone makes bad choice - men and women. How bout those men who love the drama queen or "rescue me" types...or " bad girls" . Most people who seek out destructive non-compatible types ( definition of "bad") usually have self esteem issues themselves. But but what I object to is a man speaking for most women and what they want. He cant possibly know. He is only drawing on his own life experience and to take that and label 80% of the female population is a little meglomanic for me

crystalise

Joined: 6/11/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Has anyone had to deal with a dating gap like this? Posted: 11/24/2007 10:36:27 PM
Op most women say they want a "nice" guy but they don't. 8 out of 10 women will step over 99 "nice" guy just to get to ONE bad boy. They will lie and say it's not true, But history tells us otherwise. They are drawn to bad boy like a moth to a flame, And usually wind of getting exactly what the moth gets once he gets too close to the fire. what a CROCK of crap Are you a woman dr jekyll? you must be if you think you can speak for most of us ??? and with such CERTAINTY

Show ALL Forums