GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage? chat & forums.

online dating service

REGISTER | MAIL/PROFILE | HELP | NOW ONLINE | SEARCH | RATING | FORUMS | SUCCESS STORIES

Posted In Forum:

Home

login

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 3224 (view)

GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage? Posted: 10/16/2009 6:42:37 PM
That sucks, Ironman - all I can say is that very little on this planet is working the way it was intended to. I think that it's sort of which ever way you go, you have another set of problems. At this point, I'm trying to keep my on sex until marriage thing, but I think that if it was easy for the woman, that would be a big red flag to me - especially around the age you are talking about, women can go through a lot of changes - it's pretty important to me to have this part of life work well in my marriage, so I am really looking for everything I can do to make sure it does. Good luck and God bless on the next one, I hope it's the last and one that really works for you.

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 3218 (view)

GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage? Posted: 10/16/2009 10:57:46 AM
Well, that's what I've been doing, believe it or not. I do believe that sex - besides being extremely pleasurable - is constructed in such a way so as to bond two people together spiritually, emotionally, physically, and they are now finding even chemically. Since I don't want to be truly bonded to someone until I have made a real lifelong commitment, I have tried hard to not have sex during this single period I am in. And now everyone can go ahead and call me lots of names - I know how these forums are - go ahead, I can take it ;-) Doug

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Being with someone for the sake of it...... Posted: 5/15/2009 11:18:33 PM
We really need to trust that weird "you know when you know" thing that (sorry if you don't believe) our Maker put in us - that "human phoneme" thing that is hard wired thing that it's sort of pointless to go against - yes, you want to find a "successful version", but it's really pointless to go against it, you will not have "that spark" that makes you "more than friends" without it. Believe me, I know - I have had LOTS of therapy to try to figure out how to not be attracted to women that do not have the ability to have a successful relationship. Where I finally left things is that I need top find a woman that is "creative/beautiful/smart" that is actually ABLE to be emotionally responsible for herself. Just trust that your basic "homing instincts" are correct but weed out the "mercury poisoned fish" and I think you will be fine - that's what I am starting to find, anyways......really, it's OK... Doug

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

loneliness question? Single for too long is not good? Posted: 5/12/2009 12:08:37 AM
Wow is this ever the truth - if you are trying to be in a relationship with someone that "doesn't get you", it is totally lonely - I have been there and am trying not to "go back".

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

i know people have talked alot about soulmates... but...this isnt really a question about them. Posted: 5/11/2009 9:04:45 PM
I was married for 15 years to a woman I would have described as my soul mate when we met - we spent all possible time together and loved all the same stuff, I asked her to marry me after a short time and the church we were going to wouldn't marry us at first because it was too short, but they ended up keeping our personality tests are the most compatible they had ever seen - why? Because we were so similar that we didn't need to get to know each other, we already did! But time changes things sometimes and when people are that similar they have all the same weaknesses as well as strengths, and so there is no one to help the other when there is an attack in an area of shared weakness. So, little by little we grew apart without even really noticing until at the end it just....well, the bottom line is that I at least sort of believe in the concept of "a soulmate" (although not there there is only one to a customer) but don't believe that this is enough, it is going to be work to stay together and BOTH people need to be willing to do that, not just one.

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 123 (view)

The bimbo-ization of women and its effects on relationships Posted: 5/11/2009 8:45:10 PM
I live in LA and work in entertainment - I can tell you that most of these are not "reality" at all, they are largely actors improvising dialog and reacting to each other, they take a premise like "you be the ****y one and I'll be the nice one and then he will be the boy friend that is cheating on both of us" and they run with it, keeping in mind that conflict makes good TV. I've been at parties with actor friends where they will improvise a scene just for fun - so the comforting thing is that all these people that you can't believe are really as horrible as they seem - aren't ;-) ....of course, that doesn't mean they're necessarily THAT much better.....;-)

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

hi everyone Posted: 8/15/2008 3:57:12 PM
Hey man, I think you're looking at this all wrong: you're sitting here wondering why these women are going for the "poison guys", when what you should be wondering is what is it about the kind of women that want a guy to treat them badly is attracting YOU to them. I have been the kind of guy that goes for the crazy women as well but have been working hard to break that over the years. There have to be some women around you that are not masochistic in who they are attracted to, but it might be that you're not attracted to them. I have read that people pick a person for a romantic relationship that are like the parent that they need to work issues out the most with - are either of your parents like these women in terms of being impossible to please or emotionally unavailable? There's a great dating book you can find on line that will help you "break your self destructive types" called "How To Find A Date Worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud. It has some light spiritual overtones that you may or may not agree with, but the principles will work regardless - I would check that out if I were you. ALSO, I would really watch what you post here, because I have seen people go off on people like crazy here just for sport, ESPECIALLY when th eweekend is coming up. The last thing you need is some woman with an ax to grind on whatever guy dumped her once trying to take it all out on you by saying you've got a big head becuase you dared to say that you wern't bad looking or something.....now watch them come after me ;-) Good luck, and don't expect to change this in a week, this kind of thing takes a long time but the most important thing is to recognize it as something that needs to be changed in YOU, you can't change those women, as much as the "here I come to save the day" thing you might have going on would like you to - th eway to win this game is to get yourself so you don't even WANT to play ;-)

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Sending out an email and then NOTHING after replying? What gives? Posted: 3/12/2008 4:36:36 PM
Hi Anenigma - well, you're just experiencing one of the many issues with internet dating, something I will refer to with a BRAND NEW TERM I just coined (that's right folks, you heard it here first) called "Percieved Option Overload", or POO (gotta love that). POO is where you think that you have lots and lots of people to choose from, but you actually don't because of another internet dating phenomenon that I have seen: "No one is a real person until you have actually met in 3D". What I think happens with these guys (and believe me, women do it as well) is that they think they have all these people that they have the option of meeting and they think that they don't need to respond to who they feel are the "long shot" 70% group so they just don't in hopes for some of the others to turn out. The reality is, as you stated in your profile (yup, I looked), three quarters of the people you try to communicate with sort of "fade away", and many of the others turn out to be "5 inches shorter, 10 years older, and 75 lbs heavier" (been there, way done that I am sorry to say!) BUT - the really simple answer is that YES - it is really rude, if these people aren't like that in day to day life but are on the internet, it's because everyone is so hidden here that they don't see that these are real people that should be treated as such. But then there's the old adage "rejection is God's protection" - maybe you're better off that these people never responded at all ;-)

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Found out the person I was casually seeing was a sex offender! Posted: 3/11/2008 5:00:04 PM
There is such a site called "dontdatehim.com", but I wouldn't recommend it, there is just as much chance that the posting is because the person rejected the one that did the posting rather than any actual crime that was commited. CASE IN POINT - a guy I knew (not a close friend) broke up with a woman who turned out to be a stalker type, he eventually had to take her to court to put a restraining order on her, She posted him at this site after the court order (and numerous orders since from the judge that she can't post him there). She was also "nice enough" to post a picture she found of me and I think some other guys he knew at the listing for this guy at the don't datehim site, complete with the web site of where I work and the phone number there. By my name it said "Friend of (his name) - 'nuff said" - that was "my crime". SO - just be aware that unless the place that you could "red alert" someone at was actually being checked out by someone, you would have NO IDEA the validity behind the claims and it would be a horrible thing to break up with someone over some other persons' baseless rantings - we all have to say "next" for enough legitimate reasons, no need to add to that unnecessarily ;-)

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Lies.. lies... lies... Posted: 2/19/2008 4:58:48 PM
Wow, did you hit the "elephant in the middle of the room everyone's trying to ignore" topic!!! Well, so far out of about 30-50 internet dates in a about 4-5 years, I think I've met about 3 women that looked at all like their pictures - hopefully the one I'm meeting THIS week will ;-) For a short time, I did lie about my age because women I met not on a dating site thought that I was lying when I said my real age - I'm just someone that genetically doesn't look their chronological age. But I hated doing that so I quit after a couple of months. A big problem with internet dating that when you're looking at a bunch of statistics, it creates a pre-concieved idea of who someone is that may not even be close to the truth. And consequently, people will change their "stats" to try to portray who they think they really are - but of course, people can be really delusional on the image they see in their mind's eye. I have seen people with date stamps on their pictures from 1988, and have a friend that flew to meet a woman who it turned out had a picture of and unknown model (that came with a wallet her son bought) and her daughter as her picture ("everyone says we look just like sisters anyways". He turned around and left, which is what he should have done with that level of deception. What's happened for me has been far less drastic than this, and when it did I just didn't say anything about it when they were 30-40 lbs heavier or 10-15 years older, I figured if they were doing that at this point in their lives, my saying anything probably wasn't going to change them much.

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

Still Has Posted: 1/25/2008 4:44:52 PM
I'm going to take the high road and not do my normal quip back on Joro's "cyber guys in the bush" opportunity there - I'm someone you don't ever want to give a straight line, I can't pass them up, but I know there are ladies present ;-) Well, if I may, I will recommend a really great dating book - possibly the ONLY great dating book - I have read called "How To Get A Date Worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud, who wrote all the great "boundaries" books. This book will help you to break your "type" attraction problems, which can draw you back to the "posion people" (no, not the guys from the 80's hair band - you know what I mean) again and again. No matter the problems of the people we are dating, we al have to look at what made us seek them out - it isn't chance, there are all kinds of subconcious stuff that attracts us to th esame kinds of people. I have gotten so the last few women I dated are definitely not the typical "narcissistic needy father damaged / abused" women that I wanted to "save" that I aways have done before, and I feel like I am "honing in" on th ewoman that I will want to marry that is emotionally responsible enough to actually have a two way give and take relationship with. All that being said - today is my birthday, so I am going home to my party (it's 5pm here)- it's been raining for days here in LA and I just bought some cool new fire logs that crackle AND smell like coffee as they burn - pretty cool, huh?

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

Still Has Posted: 1/25/2008 4:08:29 PM
Well, it sounds like this guy is falling prey to one of the biggest dangers of internet dating - the fantasy aspect that all of these people are actually available to you, and the ego stroke that (at least a lot of them) "want you". It can be an addiction that seduces people by making them think that "the next one" could be even better and more what they are looking for than whoever they "have" on the string now. The fact that he showed her emails from these women probalby means that he is at his core insecure in his attractiveness to women and needs to prove his attrctiveness to her (and himself, really) by showing how many women he can "get" - although, he doens't really "get" them, does he,? - They're on the internet, not real and in front of him like your friend! I have a saying about internet dating that "no one is a real person until you've actually met them" - and I have seen lots of 'women" that looked great vanish into cyberspace to be seen nevermore (qouth the raven), and I've met women that had great pictures that are in reality 10-15 years or 30-40 pounds ago. Tell your friend to tell her "BF" that the one he is REALLY f***ing with is himself, because he is about to trade a real woman for a fantasy if he doesn't shape up pretty much immediately!

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

I know what your problem is...... Posted: 1/22/2008 6:21:48 PM
Uhhhhh...yeah, I DID overcome that, I think they called it THERAPY and it costs about $100 and hour and is WELL worth it ;-) Seriously, I do agree that "your playing small does not serve the world", there is a big difference between egotism and just being honest about what you are good at. I work in the music business, and in it one of the things that I found out was that EVERYONE is insecure about their abilities, it's just that some people keep quiet about them and act as if what they want to be true about themselves really IS true. And when you think about it, what do you have to lose by NOT doing that? That has served me well in dating as well since I've been "single again" - it might be hard to get to the point that you allow yourself to do this, but I highly recommend it for it's results.

Joined: 1/3/2008

Msg: 315 (view)

Why don't tall men choose to date tall women? Posted: 1/22/2008 4:16:16 PM
OK - this is the real reason that anyone dates anyone as far as I am concerned - attraction, common interestes and goal, etc. - it has nothing to do with someone's height. I'd prefer to go out with a taller woman (my ex was 5'10") if I had the choice, but I haven't been able to find a tall woman that clicks with me so far "this time around the relationship track". I think that we'd all think that we'd like to be Dr. Frankenstein and beable to order a person from a custom made to what we think we want, but in reality it just doesn't work that way ;-)

Show ALL Forums