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Thread: Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/5/2009 6:40:18 AM
I'm really leery of any man who cannot control his temper in public and will release it on the people he is suppose to care about the most. That scenario that you mentioned in the grocery store seems to be more of a huge red banner than a dinky flag; the fact that he tried to make you feel guilty for an honest mistake and question yourself is disturbing to me. If you feel like you are questioning more and more of your decisions within the relationship because of a situation that he brings up or has exploded about, I would talk to him about it. If he cannot bring himself to do so and you feel threatened in any way, please end it for your own safety.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women Posted: 11/5/2009 6:23:07 AM
Cheating is always the cheater's fault! It's pathetic how some choose to blame the innocent SO. How pathetic! It`s always the man`s fault is that right? This woman admits she`s not able to communicate with her man, who`s problem is that. Maybe this man requires more attention to sex,which is why he`s seeking it via the net! Believe what you will... And where precisely in "Cheating is always the cheater's fault" did you see the world female or male? It applies to both genders, and if he did require more attention than he should have communicated with his fiance. He should not take the cowards way out and simply ignore the issues in his preexisting relationship by creating a new emotional and sexual connection. The issues between both parties in a relationship are the responsibilities of both parties. However, the way in which a single person deals with that issue is all on them. Cheating is always the cheater's fault.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Did you settle? Posted: 10/15/2009 8:10:56 PM
Did I settle? Nope. He fulfills all I need and gives more, I could never ask for anyone better.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 72 (view)

Men & woman of a certain size??? Posted: 10/8/2009 10:24:27 PM
Like breeds like Soldier; so hate will simply fuel hate. PS. If it helps, in my opinion I believe I'm happy with myself (and a BBW to boot.)

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

advice for a fool madly in love Posted: 10/8/2009 9:39:58 PM
OP, be what you are suppose to be to your friend. If he asks for help, simply be there to give it to him. You're not going to be able to force your help on someone who simply does not understand or does not want it.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

Is meeting halfway reasonable? Posted: 10/8/2009 9:31:37 PM
ROFL! Lovemesomemen, I think you just made my night. Thank you. Tracie, instead of: You look like you take drugs so I'm sure you would know? Perhaps try something along the lines of 'Of course you would know from first hand experience correct?' Just for future reference <3

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Is the flame practically out? Posted: 9/25/2009 5:37:43 AM
If he can't take a minute out of his day to email you back with a response than he is simply not that into you.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

So unreliable but what can i do? Posted: 9/17/2009 6:17:27 AM
Why not invite this woman over to your place for supper or some such event? Make sure to include several of your friends and not just her. That way if she does not show up you can still enjoy a lovely dinner with your family or night out with the girls even if she does not show up to the table or party.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

What's the reward for Chivalry? Posted: 9/5/2009 8:07:20 PM
Chivalry is a concept that is a run off of kindness, piety, and respect for another human being (in this case a lady.) Personally, I would think that those three concepts should be shown to every human being and are not specifically geared to how men should act toward women. Women should also return these three traits towards men.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Why do women try to make men feel quilty? Posted: 9/4/2009 8:03:39 AM
I'll take responsibility for my emotions as long as you take responsibility for your actions.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

What to do when a guy continuously flirts with other Posted: 8/25/2009 8:18:25 AM
You take a cheater back, then it's on you. You're the loser, not him..... If I were him, I'd keep on cheating too..... You honestly think that just because she gives him a second chance; she should be rewarded by her significant other cheating on her again? What the !@#$ is wrong with you O-o? OP: It does not matter why he puts you through it. You've already given him a chance to redeem himself and he has thrown it back into your face. In my opinion; that is all I'd need to know to have kicked his butt to the curb.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Again! ex-'s! better off Friends or a Lovers' Memories? Posted: 8/21/2009 11:53:33 AM
"I never look back Dah-ling; it distracts from the now."

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

When Exs Contact You Out Of The Blue.. Posted: 8/19/2009 9:06:09 PM
Thank you for your responses; it's always nice to have a different insight to situations that happen between two people.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

When Exs Contact You Out Of The Blue.. Posted: 8/19/2009 11:14:31 AM
If you were both just using each other for sex and calling that a "relationship" the I'd assume he was looking for more sex and decided to contact you. If you deleted it, what difference does it make now? I called it a relationship because I did have feelings for him other than the physical; he called it a **** buddy situation when we split. I don't know what he was looking for when he contacted me, but like you said, it makes no difference now. It makes no difference; but it's also good to find out other takes on the same scenario and how others react for future reference.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

When Exs Contact You Out Of The Blue.. Posted: 8/19/2009 9:45:05 AM
You are taking the position that being friends with the guy wont work because it has never worked. He's willing to try. I figure you can never have enough friends..by you cutting all contact and denying his Facebook request...you appear to be rather cold. I've already told him that I cannot be friends with him because of our prior circumstances. It would be nice if I could; but I'm simply not someone who can do it which is why I decided to completely sever all ties to him. I can understand why you may see that as extremely cold.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

When Exs Contact You Out Of The Blue.. Posted: 8/19/2009 9:10:46 AM
This situation happened to me yesterday evening and I've already dealt with the issue. However I wanted others' perspectives on the scenario to see how else it may have ended up. So I was seeing this male about a year ago that started out as a relationship and panned out as a !@#$ buddy scenario. At least that is what he told me when we did decide to mutually end it because he was leaving the country for an undetermined length of time. His plans were up in the air; and wasn't sure if he was going to return. I understood his situation and although I still had feelings for him, I did agree that it would be better if we simply ended with a clean cut. He has contacted me twice since that time. The first one appeared about two weeks after; apologizing for the abrupt way in which the relationship ended. (He initiated the break even when we agreed before hand that we'd continue the relationship for another week or so and catch dinner the following week.) He said he felt guilty about how he had approached that situation -- not sticking to what we had previously agreed on -- and asked if we could still be friends. I responded by telling him that although I held no ill will against him, I could not be just friends with someone who had held an intimate relationship with me. The second appeared about a day ago on Facebook. I had deleted him from my friends list and he was inquiring why I had deleted him. He also apologized again for not staying in contact at all and how he was reconnecting with people he knew in Waterloo. Also something about how even when he was trying to be a mean jerk that he sucked at it. I didn't really understand that part of the message to be honest with you. I deleted the message as well as denied his friend request. My question to you lovely fishies is: would you have reacted differently than I did if you were in my position? Would you have responded to his message? And if so..what would you have said?

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

why hapily ever after will never come for some women. Posted: 7/24/2009 5:47:52 AM
All I've got to say is: "HEY DRAAAAAAAAAAGON!'

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Women in groups Posted: 7/21/2009 8:18:24 AM
Guy: "hey, listen, I'm attracted to you, if the feeling's reciprocal lets go talk and get to know each other better". You need a healthy dose of confidence in yourself, a tap on her shoulder to get her attention, as well as that line. Any woman worth her salt will either politely decline or simply agree by mere curiousity/attraction. Good luck OP n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Best and worse pick up lines... Posted: 7/14/2009 5:31:25 AM
"You had me at Merlot" It was rather clever considering what I wrote in my profile

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

What do you think of this guy??? Posted: 7/14/2009 4:51:02 AM
Yeah. Do not walk away; run.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Older Guy Posted: 7/14/2009 4:46:28 AM
From what you've mentioned CaliCutie I'd have to say I'm leaning to Jersey Girl's point of opinion. Even if I were to give this male the benefit of the doubt and say that he is getting out of a divorce and may be going through a rough time; it doesn't excuse his wishy-washy answers regarding your relationship with him. If you are just hanging out with him, either doing stuff you two like to do and simply enjoying each others' company, than I'd say no harm and no fowl. Go nuts and just enjoy the moment. However, if you are having sex with this man; than I would exercise extreme caution with your heart and your body. His hesitancy regarding where you two stand seem to indicate that he is not ready for any sort of committed relationship that you seem to want from him. Respect your own wishes Bella. If he's not ready to committee to you, than respect your body and your decision by not sleeping with him. Unless you KNOW that you can remain casual about that aspect of the relationship and realize he has not committed to you in any way. I wish you luck Bella n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Analyze my current situation with this girl...I'm stumped! Posted: 7/11/2009 8:33:13 PM
In my opinion you are over analyzing your relationship with this young lady; which may be getting in the way of your simple enjoyment of her companionship. I'd say just relax and enjoy the ride. If it seems too soon than do not push and be patient if you really like this woman. Give her your time and patience; it seems to be the one thing she needs most right now and she will hopefully realize how much you care for her because it sounds like she is into you. She probably just needs time to adjust to a new situation that she is unfamiliar with right now. I wish you luck OP n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

What are the odds...really?? REALLY???? Posted: 7/9/2009 8:47:19 PM
Guess I'm lucky; I've been in a pretty awesome relationship for the last three months and he's just..wonderful

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

What makes you think we care? Posted: 7/8/2009 1:29:06 PM
I've never seen a profile that reads "I have kids but I'll kick them to the curb for a roll in the hay". Thank you for small miracles; I hope you never come across one. As a single parent who has full time custody of her/his children I believe that the children are the parent's first priority. It only makes sense that the first priority in their life and anything associated with said priority would be the dominate subject occupying their time, resources and mind. Ergo that is obviously what they'd want to talk about their children to someone who they are just meeting for the first time because that child defines who they are when it comes to their time, their resources and their love. With that in mind, the Mother/Father in this woman/man would want to assess if the person she/he was dating had the same sort of priority as her/his own. Which is probably why she/he discusses the most important aspect of her/his life in the first couple of dates: the source of all her/his effort, love, and devotion.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

PMS apparently holds a hand in my relationships.... Posted: 7/2/2009 6:28:31 AM
I think you need someone understanding Tashrawr; and if the boys you are with are not able to provide that than perhaps waiting is in order until you find the right one. There are a lot of great suggestions from the women and maybe one male in this thread, try to follow the advice that sounds right for you n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

Long vs short hair Posted: 6/29/2009 8:44:18 AM
Cutting my hair as short as it is now is probably the best thing I've ever done for my image. It takes very little effort to manage (just about as much as it did when it was to the middle of my back) and I can colour it more because I'll just cut it off in four weeks anyway!

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Why are all my dates talking about themselves so much? Posted: 6/29/2009 7:45:41 AM
Wait..it's all about me? Why didn't I get the memo?!

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Is it too weird if a long time friend asks you for a date? Posted: 6/26/2009 5:19:13 PM
Personally I believe that you could never really loose a true friend. If you were to let your intentions be known to your female friend that you did see her in a romantic light I don't think it would be a betrayal; rather you are being honest about how you feel towards her.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Ex-girlfriends boyfriend.... Posted: 6/25/2009 10:33:01 AM
What does it matter to you? Just deny the request and leave it.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Dating cliches Posted: 6/23/2009 9:28:08 PM
One of my favourites is: "I don't know what to write here.."

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Am I old fashion???? Posted: 6/23/2009 9:21:22 PM
If it is old fashioned to jump in the sack when YOU feel ready with no outside forces persuading your judgment; and there is no little voice in the back of your head going "why?" than slap a label on my head that reads 'old school'. -------------------------------------- On the subject of having sex before the third date: HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING: Let's say your first date is six hours long -- which is pretty generous -- and than the second date is another seven to give an extended time frame. That means there has been around 13 hours of face time, I mean genuine time where you've spent talking and learning about this individual and they do not have the cover of email or IM to portray a fake persona of some sort. A measly 13 hours to figure out if someone should be trusted with your body; it's just not enough time for me. Technically you not had even 24 hours of face time with this person, and you're trusting them with an incredibly private and intimate affair. ------------------------------------------ I cannot speak for every user on POF obviously; but for myself I need to trust someone before I ever would consider creating that intimacy with them. I've made the mistake of doing it too soon; and to be honest it was not worth it, and only lead to emotional pain on my part. Personally OP, I commend you for wanting more than 13 hours of a man's time before initiating something unique and special with that man.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Women want and need... what? Posted: 6/19/2009 10:06:51 PM
Wow..just, wow. I feel like smacking the dumb out of you.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

What am I doing wrong? Posted: 6/19/2009 9:43:06 PM
wow that was pretty harsh Well at least now you know what to avoid when looking into POF profiles n__n <3 In any case your profile looks decent; it touches on several interesting topics that males can comment on if they are interested in who you are as an individual and leaves room for conversation by not giving too much away. The only thing I would comment on is your second last paragraph about your children. Perhaps word it more along the lines of: "I love my children dearly and they do come first in my life. I hope that the person that I meet on POF would be able to accept this and perhaps later on in the relationship come to understand why I love them so much in the future. If you have a natural affinity for kids or have kids of your own then I would love to hear from you." Or something like that. Other than that your images are decent and I hope you find someone that is your true mate n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

When is it cheating? Posted: 6/16/2009 9:29:53 PM
If you have to stop and ask yourself if it's cheating; it probably is cheating on your SO.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

I need to find same one to love so I can change my loyalty Posted: 6/6/2009 7:33:35 AM
A) Move out of a situation that is going to constantly remind you of her. Why the hell are you still living with this woman if you are only friends? I'm sure there are many places to rent from where you are; and even if it'll cost ya a bit extra it will definitely help when meeting other women. I mean who really wants to meet up with a man who lives with an Ex he cannot seem to stop loving? Which you've already admitted. If you think it will hurt; yeah, it probably will be very painful in the beginning. But nothing worth anything in this life is ever easy, and it sounds like you are ready to move on. You simply can't because of your current circumstances. B) A woman is probably the last thing you need to get over the first one. Breaking all contact with the woman you love will help you remove all those feelings that always seem to build up whenever you are around her. It is time to get your life to center around you once more rather than someone who --although she makes a good friend-- has no interest in you relationship wise. If she is your friend, then she will understand and let you go so you have time to figure out you; for yourself. C) I cannot say this enough; work on you as a person. Change your identity so it does not revolve around another human being for the time being; go out, have a bit of fun by yourself and learn who you are post-relationship. I hope it works out for you n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Why do you think a birds eye view makes you look sexy? Posted: 5/19/2009 12:47:17 AM
Chill....you are looking for long term but yet you have pics on here that should be deemed looking for a hook up only....why? Woman want to show their best side. If she's got it and wants to flaunt it; it's her profile.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

What are worthy criteria to be in love? Posted: 5/19/2009 12:23:08 AM
My head and my heart equally collaborate on said issue n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Do guys find Tomboys unattractive Posted: 5/15/2009 7:48:20 AM
I think it is a matter of autonomy (independence), it isn't that guys are unattracted to you, it is that guys don't want you around when they are doing their male bonding activities. You are considered one of the guys because you are invading their space so as a defense mechanism, they have included you in the group as a dude but you will never trully be accepted nor considered date worthy. If you want to attract a person of the opposite sex, you have to be opposite not the same, you have to be a girl not a guy. I am not saying you shouldn't be a tomboy, but keep in mind that when a guy foes out with his buddies, he doesn't want his girl tagging along. You need to find some girlfriends to go out with and for you probably other tomboy girlfriends. Let the guys be the guys, don't try to be one. So it boils down to autonomy. Of all the miso- ... -Faceplant.- OP, I know I'm not a guy but I really need to say something here. IF a male cannot accept you for who you are as a human being -- the fact that you do like to do a slew of things that may be classified as 'manly' which should be considered entirely bull shit in any case -- than he simply is not right for you. You are who you are. If you don't like certain aspects of yourself change can be a good thing. You should change those facets because you want to, not because it will help you fit in better with whomever surrounds you. If you want to be more 'girly' than do it if that is what makes you happy; anything else and you'll probably find yourself more dissatisfied with the situation. Hope this helps a bit n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Ok guys i need your help Posted: 5/12/2009 8:13:20 AM
I think the other post is referring to the fact that the question you're asking is actually a unisex question which women would be able to answer in equal measure; hence why it should go to off-topic rather than 'Ask a Guy' forum.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Whats wrong with my kids not living with me? Posted: 5/12/2009 8:07:03 AM
"Some men are wimps and make their children their life and think you should too. She IS putting her kids first by deciding that they are better off with her partner. Children come first in a parents life; and that does not make men 'wimps' if they place their children before their social life. My only question is what the heck is a 'real man' to you? Someone who disregards their kids for an almost stranger that they want to get to know? OP: If it is the best decision for your kids that they reside with your partner than I commend you for being able to give them up; as many persons who have commented on this thread have stated before me. If they are asinine enough to assume that it is because you are unfit, they are simply not worth your time.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Do girls have problems with catholics? Posted: 5/8/2009 10:00:47 PM
"I'd like to find someone who is christian." <---- This, is perfectly reasonable and not many people (men or women I hope) would be offended by it. " I don't need someone who'se crazy about going to church every other day, just someone who shares some of the belifs I have." <----This is slightly redundant because most fishes that I've come across usually're not fanatical nuts, but simply want a decent human being. Seems sort of redundant to put it in your profile. "That being said, I already have a messiah... Obamaites can keep on lookin" <---- This is not going to win you many votes at all with the women and is probably offensive to everyone else who likes Obama. Which is probably why you're getting the odd comments about Jesus and Catholicism. It's not that women do not like Catholics; hell I'm a Roman Catholic myself. I'm just not one to wave my beliefs at someone else or say that's exactly what I need in a relationship. Try and avoid politics and religion within your Profile, that is what the first to the third date are for and give a lot to discuss within that time frame.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Can someone please explain what my ex is trying to accomplish? Posted: 5/7/2009 8:20:20 PM
Personally I'm surprised you've not deleted her from your cyberspace earlier than this point OP. It definitely sounds like she likes to try to wheedle and manipulate you.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

blunt Posted: 5/7/2009 8:14:00 PM
OP: Being blunt and brutally honest does not make a woman a ** unless you believe that those particular qualities define that of a **.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Out of left field... Posted: 5/7/2009 8:11:28 PM
At this point OP, does it really matter? You know you're probably not going to start anything else with her because of her previous actions. Which I will admit are pretty loopy if you ask me; she was probably panicking about going too quickly and didn't know how to handle the situation. That being said, I think you should just leave it out of your mind and focus on moving onward and upward n__n

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

How to get over 2 years? Posted: 4/21/2009 7:25:28 PM
Awwwe Bella, I'm so sorry to hear that the **stard could not appreciate and love what he already had; a beautiful woman who deeply loved him. There's some really good advice in the Broken Hearts section of the POF forums; you may want to take a look there for more advice.

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Domestic Discipline Posted: 4/17/2009 10:30:56 AM
Uhm, yeah..not happening for me. If I wanted to be degraded I'll just go into one of the POF forums and ask 'Why don't guys appreciate more BBW girls?'

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

Internet Sexual Affair With Married Woman Posted: 4/13/2009 4:19:39 PM
so I "made" him do it. Bull. Shit. Oooh, that type of excuse on his part really rubs me the wrong way

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Trust Issues ... what do you do? Posted: 4/13/2009 4:13:59 PM
Self-prophecies suck; and usually end up being true because they taint your perception on how the relationship and even the date are to turn out. Perhaps you should find a way to just recenter and begin to love yourself so you don't feel so insecure within a relationship?

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Do girls appreciate 1 month anniversaries? Posted: 4/6/2009 11:53:08 PM
Anniversary = annual = yearly. Personally I think it's kinda redundant but if you feel like getting her something small like a rose as a silent commemoration than it's not something that should be shunned. Just don't make a big fuss when you give it to her and hopefully she would really appreciate the gesture!

Joined: 1/4/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

should i wait around for him?? Posted: 4/6/2009 11:35:53 PM
OP, the ratio of stories from the POF forum of men who have left their wife for another women seem to be in ill favour to those who have stayed with their current wife. So based on what I've seen on this forum specifically; it is more likely that he does not care for you in the way that you are developing feelings for him. Probably best to let sleeping dogs lie and just walk away from a potentially crappy situation.

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