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 Author Thread: Is there any way to get him to just shut up?
 sunshine_and_rainbows
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is there any way to get him to just shut up?
Posted: 12/6/2012 6:11:35 PM
Next time he brings it up, simply point out that it is odd that he keeps on bringing up the same subject matter over and over. Tell him you already know he does not find you attractive, that you've already brought up the fact you understand he does not find you attractive, but that you're not so convinced now because he -constantly- brings it up as if he is trying to convince himself it is not true.

Hopefully that will shut the ignoramus up.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Sticky situation with a fake engagement ring ...
Posted: 9/19/2012 10:06:37 PM
Allow me to introduce you to moissanite: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moissanite

Almost exactly like diamond when it comes to hardness, with a better refraction index (its sparkle is prettier than diamond in my humble opinion.) Apparently according to some sources (http://www.squidoo.com/moissanitevsdiamond & http://diamondssuck.com/) a jeweler will not be able to tell the difference either without a refraction test. I want one of these if I get married!
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What's the secret signal?
Posted: 4/12/2012 1:04:33 AM
To be honest I would just go up and engage the fellow in conversation if I thought the guy was really cute, and I was still single <3
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Misunderstanding?
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:12:52 AM

Bullshit! - You should lose your man card for that one!


His man card? The OP does not find the woman attractive, and just because he didn't take her up on her offer he is less than a man? Seriously?!

Ugh.

In any case, I think you made the right choice OP, especially if you had to work in the morning and were not interested in her that way.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Why can't I be happy with the relationship I have?
Posted: 1/12/2012 2:53:26 PM
Thank you for everyone's comments. I will definitely take them under consideration.

Just to clarify a couple of points:

1) I have been on a light anti-depressant even before this relationship started; so I have not had to take medication because of the relationship. However the tension between the two of us is obviously not helping things.

2) I am at a job I really do not feel fulfilled with right now. I am all right when I am there, but it is like pulling teeth to go in everyday to it. I have begun to volunteer at a place that seems into the field that I want to get into, so it is a good start; and I have been revamping my resume and portfolio. So huzzah for that.

3) What I realize as depression now, has always been with me in some form or another, so I am really trying to fight it. Both with the medication and with therapy. I just think everything is piling on: not finding my job fulfilling, the disappointment of finding out I cannot easily get a job doing what I love even though I put five years of my life getting a degree for it, and the tension with my relationship. All those factors are making me feel like I am in a constant state of flux, and it's driving me a bit batty.

So again, thank you for all of the comments.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why can't I be happy with the relationship I have?
Posted: 1/11/2012 6:44:47 PM
Hello POF, I have come here once for advice and had some decent feedback. So let's hope that this time is no different.

This is a bit of a rant, so I'm just putting that disclaimer up here now.

Background: My fiance and I have been together for just over two and a half years. Through that time, everything has been pretty fabulous; he is attentive, loves me just for me, and the chemistry is not leaving anytime soon. Issues started (and I will agree that it started because of me) around December 2010 when I wanted the relationship to move forward, also known as getting married and slowly integrating our lives together.

I had brought it up to him at this point, and he had told me in no uncertain terms that he was not ready. I tried my best to respect his feelings on the matter, and tried to focus on finishing my degree and graduate, which took up most of my attention.

So after graduation, probably around July 2011, I had an emotional breaking point where I knew that either we moved forward together; or I would need to get over it and move on by myself.

I have this line of reasoning because I come from a family where marriage is the ultimate way of expressing that you love someone, and the fact that marriage felt like a taboo subject to me was incredibly painful. I felt like it meant that he loved me enough to have me around; but not as much as I loved him because he was just not ready to get married. He, however, comes from a family that does not have those particular beliefs in marriage (I won't go into more detail because I believe that negates his privacy and I rather not do that.)

So we had a long conversation about our relationship. Why I feel the way I feel, and why he feels the way he feels about marriage. I thought that was the end of that, I told him that there was a limit to how long I could wait, and that I did not know where that time frame ended. He told me that he was still not ready, and he did not know when that would change for him. We said we'd give it six months and then reevaluate where we both stood if nothing changed in those six months. I understood that, I got it.

Two weeks later, he proposes to me, to my utter shock. We had just finished discussing how he was not ready, yet here he was proposing to me. Obviously I was excited over the whole thing. Until the end of September, when I found out the plans we had made to move in with each other in December 2011 were now on hold, and that he was not ready to move in together.

Obviously I asked why, and he simply told me that he was not ready for it. That because we were engaged now, moving in would be a permanent change, which changed everything. (He had suggested before hand that we move in together as a trial run.) It felt like the rug had been ripped out from under me. I know it was horrible of me, but I assumed the worst and thought that he had proposed just to solidify our relationship status quo, without actually having to committee or change anything. Although that was part of his reasoning, that he was afraid to loose me, he was not afraid of being engaged to me.

So I asked him about a month later if it was all right for us to at least start making plans. To try and solidify a couple of budgets, or even details about what steps we would need to take to move in. He was all right for the first couple of weeks, but as soon as any details arose he would go quiet. I would have to ask for his input, or try and drag a definite answer out of him. We talked about his resistance, and he said the same type of panicky emotion rears up, and he just does not want to deal with it. So I dropped it.

I get that I have to leave him alone, and have been trying my best to respect his wishes for the last couple of months. I feel like I cannot celebrate the fact that I'm engaged, like I'm some sort of imposter. What is worse is I feel like I pushed him too hard. I am so tired of the whole situation that I just try to push it out of my mind and focus that energy on more important things like my career, and actually finding a job in my field.

By pushing those emotions away though, I feel like I'm going to push him away, because it is just too painful to think about it.

I am in therapy and medication for not only this, but my career stuff too, I am trying to take steps towards it. It just feels like I had the wool pulled over my eyes, and those ugly fears of him trying to pacify me with a ring keep on bubbling to the surface. I am really trying to fight them, and get rid of them, but I feel like I'm drowning and have no control over it.

I wish I could be happy with what I have, because what we have is great. Those ugly feelings just keep on rising to the surface. I'm sorry this is so long, I just really needed to get it off my chest.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Should I worry?
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:29:46 PM

Wrap it up twice, tap it, then avoid her like the plague.


Now imagine that girl as your daughter, and repeat that statement again. Seriously
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 11:55:12 AM

Its actually 80%. Sad huh?


You may want to back that statement up with a legitimate source.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Ex tells me he misses me
Posted: 1/1/2012 9:15:46 PM
What, he can text you, but pressing one button on his preprogrammed cell phone to actually give you a call and mend the relationship is to difficult for this buffoon?
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Should I tell a girl right away or wait till she brings it up?
Posted: 11/20/2011 10:17:39 AM

Pound her and don't speak to her for 5 years. Then, call her and ask her to marry you. If she says yes, it was meant to be.


You want him to beat her up? What is wrong with you O-o?
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Are some people just relationship drama addicts??
Posted: 11/19/2011 11:21:08 PM

Stop trying to tell others how they should or should'nt be living their life. They don't know what's right for you. And you sure as hell should not be telling them what's right for them.


....

Practice what you preach?
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Depressed when I see hot girls?
Posted: 11/18/2011 12:12:39 PM
Yes, you should leave that lovely woman you are dating now and actually chase after those tens. That way you can leave the other ladies who are below your standards so they can find someone that actually loves them rather than someone who compares their girlfriend to an ideal that just doesn't exist; or at the least, will not last forever.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Ex trying to ruin me?
Posted: 11/8/2011 8:21:06 AM
Viper1j: "If I REALLY wanted to hurt her, I would just hack her bank records, send certain pictures to her kids, and put her on a couple of sex offender registries."

What is wrong with you O__o?
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Never learned my lesson....
Posted: 11/5/2011 1:33:35 AM
Draaaama, drama, drama. That is what I hear.

I feel for you OP, and I really hope that you will be able to sever all ties; I mean every last single one. Do not discuss her with mutual friends, get the hell away from Facebook/Twitter/whatever. Loose her number, and I mean all of them.

The kind of relationship you describe is incredibly toxic to your self-esteem, and I'd be weary of anyone who asks for money to use to see you. Buses are not that expensive, and if she wants to come down on your dime, to heck with it, leave sleeping dogs where they lay. You don't need that type of !@#$ in your life.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 172 (view)
 
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/17/2011 8:09:10 PM
Huh, so that's how you weaponize smiles and cheer.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Dating experience I would rather forget!
Posted: 8/25/2011 7:50:37 AM
I wonder if I've ever been anyone's date from hell.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Being brutally honest????
Posted: 8/12/2011 12:17:49 AM
Honesty + Empathy = Good

Honesty + Brutality = Bad
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
dating as a blind person.
Posted: 8/11/2011 8:02:09 AM
This is probably a very silly question, and off topic; but if you're blind, how are you reading and responding to our comments?
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Do you ladies rib your girlfriends for a woman card infraction?
Posted: 7/18/2011 1:05:17 PM
Personally I can understand a bit of good-hearted teasing, but I find that people that like to tease sometimes just do it to whittle away at another persons confidence for kicks. Personally I cannot stand that type of person.

Men tend to emasculate their friends through constant ribbing, and if the person being teased tells them to stop, they just continue doing it all the more with no respect for their friend. Women tend to do this with friends when they want to 'help' them not make a colossal 'mistake'; as if they and only they know how to help the friend through constant pecks and nitpicking at her appearance to bring down her confidence.

With friends like that, who needs enemies :/
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
What are this girl's intentions?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:05:07 AM
I wouldn't put up with it either; she just sounds like a lot of work :/
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Your thoughts
Posted: 7/8/2011 7:07:14 AM

Most people are not looking for a special someone. Love is dead. People don't care about true love anymore.

What's important?

1. Is he/she hot? Will my friends be jealous of me? Do they turn me on?
2. Is he/she wealthy? How much do they make... can they take me out and splurge on me?
3. Is he/she funny? Will they keep me laughing all night?
4. Does he/she have a life full of drama? Humans are addicted to and attracted to drama - have no drama in your life and you will deemed as boring and kicked to the curb.


and way down the list you'll find "does this person actually love me."

You have to understand that the average person is a moron... to stupid to think for themselves. They depend on pop culture to tell them how they are supposed to live and how they are supposed to feel. They depend on pop stars and pop culture to define success and ultimately what love is.

When you're swimming in a sea of morons too stupid to actually know what love is - you are apt to drown, quickly.


Well, all I can say to that is, hurray for boring!
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
pretty tore up
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:24:43 AM
I wouldn't say you 'wasted' those years. That is such a negative way of viewing your past experiences and it sounds like you need a bit more of a positive outlook. Try to look at is as a learning experience; you now have some idea about how to avoid emotional blackmail and emotional abuse in your next relationship. You'll be able to spot it a bit better and hopefully be able to dodge the next bullet!

And to Ms. Muscles and Igorfrankensteen, he may have chosen to stay with this woman, but he was also emotionally blackmailed into staying for fear of her actually harming herself. If someone you have a strong emotional attachment with says that they're going to kill themselves if you leave; I'm sure you'd react with emotions first and your head second. It's only until you gain some space from such a negative environment that the air clears enough for you to see the situation in a new light.

Sometimes abuse starts out small and just grows until you question your own judgement on anything and you can't trust your own head-space anymore. Hopefully the OP can avoid this in the future.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Confession of a groupie.
Posted: 7/4/2011 9:28:16 AM
I say let your freak fly, and get rid of all of that crazy stuff in your younger years. To heck with all the nay-sayers. Just make sure you have shots like Gardasil, use condoms at all times, and make sure you're on the pill. Nothing is guaranteed in this lifetime, but you can definitely make sure you're protected from it!
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 10:50:56 AM
Tdh49, if she's not taking your advice as the gospel, just let it go. No point in drawing it out and constantly filtering everything the OP says; it just reflects badly on you IMO :/

On topic: I agree with the other posters that say you should probably tell your significant other it disturbs you OP. Hopefully he will be understanding of your plight and maybe try some of that concealer that another poster mentioned in this thread.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Am I being set up?
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:55:35 AM
Seriously? The best thing he can come up with is 'fat b!@#$?' That's it? Please do not be insulted by something so asinine OP. I've been dealing with 'fat' insults all my life, and after a while they just don't matter. I've NEVER been thin, and ya know what? That's okay! I like me, and I think you should learn to like yourself too. And then learn how to love yourself, because you really do deserve it.

As for that half-baked humanoid who has proven he's not only an idiot, but an ass; just ignore him. Realize he is not worth the tears or the fuss, be an ice queen around him. Hell, even better, be happy around him. Its the best sort of payback, and happiness is no less than you deserve!
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 7:28:34 AM
OP, maybe for the back rub thing, you can pretend to be smushing the Ex's face when you're giving him a deep massage :D!
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How do I set boundaries without seeming like a bitch?
Posted: 6/12/2011 12:06:33 PM
Sadly OP, those type of guys are a part of online dating; just as avoiding creeps are in real life. However, one thing that may help you avoid it is by making first contact with men who have decent profiles and are what you are looking for in a relationship.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
What did I do???? HELP
Posted: 6/3/2011 2:30:28 PM
Yay for fair-weather Freds.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Boyfriend and I on different ideas of satisfactory sex. Need advice please!
Posted: 5/20/2011 8:43:25 PM
What? Are his fingers or tongue broken? Seriously?

I'm with the second post on this one, dump that fish and find someone who wants to satisfy you as much as you want to satisfy him.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Hmm...so what does it take...
Posted: 10/11/2010 6:11:21 PM
What you are doing OP is right; at least it sounds like you're being yourself which is the best thing you can do on dates. You just haven't found someone who can appreciate you for you, and personally, everyone deserves that in a partner.

I know it's hard, but simply keep on dancing to the beat of your own drum, and someone will adore it enough to want to follow you.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Call me when you've lost 50 pounds
Posted: 9/3/2010 9:34:23 AM
I am so sorry you had to put up with that @sshat OP. His actions were disgusting, and I'm thankful for you that you dodged a massive missile of a bullet.

It doesn't matter why, his opinion ( also known as ignorant-hate-garble) is not worth any of your merit or time. Hell, he may see you as a 'fatty fat woman' but his actions make him a 'dipity-di-dipsh1t.'
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are most girls quick to leave a relationship for a better guy?
Posted: 8/10/2010 10:03:25 PM

IMO all guys will jump at the opportunity to be with a female more attractive than their wife/girlfriend just as girls wont hesitate to go after a guy with more power, confidence and a higher social status than their husband/boyfriend has.


Yep, and there goes the other foot.

Ya know, I'd agree with your statement for some women. However, in my own personal experience, I don't feel like chasing after Gerald Butler when I've already got what I consider to be the most amazing man for me. That's where the important part lies, there are no perfect women or men; simply the perfect match between individuals. Kinda like finding your own personal hubby puzzle piece and knowing you fit juuuust right.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Would you tell of keep quiet?
Posted: 7/28/2010 10:38:15 AM

well My lifestyle, my well being, and my reputation, and my job, is most important in my life.


If your loyalty lies with you and you alone; that is your choice to make and you have every right to make it. The OP's loyalty lies with her partner, not her job which is actually a temporary contract. She has every right to choice where her loyalties lie, as you have a right to make that decision for yourself too.


I would do by best to talk this person out of being so stupid, but like I said before...I am not a rat. It would be non of my buisness and I wouldnt say a word to anyone.
I think these two situations are like apples and oranges.....


So how far does that silence go? A secret? A bank robbery? A murder? It is a thin line to walk, a balancing act, and many shades of gray in between those two extremes.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Coach me, please: What do I do when I meet ex-BF & his GF?
Posted: 7/3/2010 10:14:36 AM

Then he said he wanted her "friendship" and that he wanted to see her once a month or so (on a night when I would be unable to go out because I would be taking care of my son, which I do regularly) and have dinner or go out dancing with her. Then he said that if I happened to be out with my friends and we would run into each other, he didn't want any drama because he was with her and not me.


I swear, this takes the award for the Douche of the Day.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Friends with benefits?
Posted: 6/30/2010 10:41:19 PM
Darlin', this is coming from a sized woman that is several above your own:

You are young, and very pretty; so please ignore the comments made by a certain insensitive bum who cannot take the hint that you wanted the fantasy to include you. Especially since you are the naked woman in the room who wants to have sex with him.

Personally, I'd drop him. It does not seem like he respects you as a friend, more like something to replace his hand which NO ONE human should be to another.

And one more thing. I would suggest teaching yourself how to have an orgasm first before expecting the guy to intuitively know what turns you on. There are very few men in our age range that have that capacity and usually need to be shown how to do it. How are they suppose to figure it out if you don't know how to do it yourself? Not to mention it can be a LOT of fun learning how to do it to yourself :3
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Another what should I do? Question
Posted: 6/29/2010 10:54:21 PM
If I were you, I'd probably say something along the lines of:

"Listen, you're a lovely lady; but I'm interested in a date. Not a gym buddy. If you ever feel like catching a bite to eat feel free to call me, otherwise I will have to respectfully decline your request."
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
She cleaned the house ... should I marry her?
Posted: 6/23/2010 8:22:22 AM
So...did you help with any of the cleaning?
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
If I live with him, than I will have never experienced truly living independently.
Posted: 6/18/2010 7:38:15 PM
Thank you Lady4C, your wisdom and kindness in my defense are greatly appreciated; especially in response to certain POFers. If I did move in with my SO, I think it would be important that I treat the finances as if he were my roommate rather than my Sweetheart. That way at least it would be financially fair.

Thank you for all the honest and forthwith comments and posts everyone. I am grateful for the input and have much food for thought.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
If I live with him, than I will have never experienced truly living independently.
Posted: 6/16/2010 11:16:27 PM
Thank you for all the constructive feedback. I am definitely finishing school, thankfully there was never any doubt about that particular part of the equation. It is what to do after the fact that has me a bit on edge.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
If I live with him, than I will have never experienced truly living independently.
Posted: 6/16/2010 3:55:53 PM
So let me give you a bit of history about myself, my SO, and the circumstances that we are in at the moment. After that I'll ask my question regarding our relationship. I'm also sorry for the lengthy post.

I'm a twenty-four year old student who still lives with her parents because I'm still attending University for one more year. I do pay for my own schooling, I have a part-time job, as well as another side job along with the first one. I've got an excellent family support system, am doing well in school and I'm literally head-over-heels with my Sweet Heart.

Things really are amazing at this point and I have absolutely no complaints in my relationship. He is sweet, is there for me when I need him, he's driven in his field as I am in mine, and I believe him when he tells me that he loves me. He goes to the same University as I for a completely different field, lives near campus with roommates, and is also in the Co-op program which is a decent one. We have been going out for a year and a bit now with things progressing naturally.

Now, here are my concerns which are not even really legit at the moment because they are in the distant future:

I have lived with my parents all of my life, and although I've also always held down a job, I am worried I will not be mature enough to live on my own.

More specifically, my SO has mentioned moving in together at some point within the next year; and the natural assumption is when we are both done school that we well be doing that. (He is one semester behind me but we are pretty much finishing school within a three month period of each other.) What I'm worried about is that if I live with him, than I will have never experienced truly living independently of anyone else but myself. He has lived in the dorms as well as on his own for a couple of years now, and has more experience in an independent situation.

There is also the fact that I will have student loans to contend with when I leave school. Thanks to the part-time job they are not as costly as others, but it still a nice healthy amount in student loans. My other concern is if I should stay home, find a job first and then move when I have a stable income to pay down rent as well as any other debt that I must pay off within a reasonable time frame.

Please be gentle with me, I'm really unsure of the future and it does make me uneasy to think about it. I know I must do so though, I really love this man and I want to be able to be the best that I can be for not only myself, but our relationship as well. I'm also approaching the question here to get a bit of feedback before hashing it out with him.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/5/2010 6:19:56 AM
Several Posters who are telling you not to play victim to your own emotions are correct. If you want a different outlook, try this one:

She would not be who she is today if she had not gone through those other experiences and learned from them. Like the FWB deal for example, it took her a while to figure out that those are not relationships that she wants to be involved in at this point. It took her a bit to figure that out; but the point is she DID come to that realization.

I hope you're able to figure this one out OP. It would suck if it got in the way of your relationship.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Friends dropping friends when friends are STOOPID
Posted: 5/23/2010 5:25:12 PM
This is kind of on topic but I hear it a lot in these forums; and the post that the OP has referred to in her own original post. I find that many individuals almost hold themselves above the supposed 'stoopid' person; and they only want to offer help when it suits their need, on their terms, their way. They are taking authoritative role over the 'stoopid' person and not really treating them as an individual.

The stoopid person -- in the friend's eyes -- is wrong and should be following whatever protocol the friend suggests. Now I'm not sure if this is right or wrong, but I think most of us can agree that trying to drag a person by their teeth simply does not work. Not to mention, it is rather presumptuous of the friend to assume that they know the best method to change the stoopid person's situation.

Perhaps, instead of trying to take an authoritative role; one must contemplate a subservient role to their friends. Not that the friend should be taking the stoopid person's bulls***, but rather should be helping when they receive a request for advice or help from said stoopid friend. Let them know that they are there for them, but do not try to inflict their own will on the stoopid person. And not just ignore the friend completely as if they do not even deserve acknowledgment. There seems to be many people who wish to simply dismiss others' problems and turn a blind eye to it.

Obviously one cannot take on the world, but it is nice if someone who is acting stoopid (who is usually not stoopid) would be able to have the help of friends that truly care about them without having to deal with the pride and ego of an authoritative figure.

Just a thought
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
D I V O R C E
Posted: 5/6/2010 7:11:47 AM
Once again it's been proven that women don't know what they want. They want signed papers that show the status of a person while accept getting into an intimate relationship or move in with married or separated men. There are few cases when a man would accept this.


No, nothing has been proven; and try not to make this a generalized battle of the sexes, it already happens too much on these forums.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
loss of attraction?
Posted: 4/19/2010 12:31:58 PM

her- what's wrong honey? what's wrong??? is there anything I can do to help?
him- no everything's fine.
her- oh baby you know you can talk to me about it.
him- everthing is fine
her- are you sure? because we can talk you know
him- everything is fine
her- baby i really wish you would talk to me
him- honey, i SAID everything is fine.
her- why aren't you talking to me?
him - look, i'm ok really- everything is fine
her- you know when you won't talk to me, it makes me think something is wrong with me and that you don't love me anymore
him- baby, i love you, but i'm just trying to chill right now...everything is fine.
her- i don't understand why you won't talk to me about this...!!
him- rrrraaaahhhhhh
her- see there you go- you're getting mad now aren't you? do you think that is how you always solve every problem of yours? by getting mad...???
him- I told you 10 damn times that I'm ok, now just let it be ok?
her- now you're yelling at me!! oh I hate it when you yell at me!!! everytime you don't wanna talk- you gotta yell at me...its just like that time back in '93 when we were at my friend's party in college and my girlfriend Lisa kissed you and god knows what else yall did in that room together....you yelled at me then to...now you're yelling at me now!!!
him- oh here we go- you gotta bring that sh1t up one more time...i swear to christ if you bring that sh1t up one more time...i swear!!
her- what? you gonna hit me? is that ?? oh you're a big man...!!!!
him- whatever...
her- baby, look i'm sorrry...its just i want to help you...please help me make you feel better. I mean you haven't looked at me or touched me in 2 weeks...I know i've gained 20 pounds, but you still love me don't you? you still find me attractive don't you? what can I do honey?
him- you know what would make me feel better baby? right now?
her- of course baby...whatever...i'll do it for you...i just want you to know i am here for you.
him- ok 3 things...one, please get me a cold beer....two- let me watch my game here...in silence!!! and three....give me one of those long blowjobs you used to give me that would last an hour...


And this is how the conversation should have gone:

her- what's wrong honey? what's wrong??? is there anything I can do to help?
him - Sweet heart, the issue is nothing to be concerned about, and it has nothing to do with you. There was a man at work who was being an ass and I'm just getting over it. I just need an hour or so to myself to watch the game and cool off, okay?
her - Oh..okay. Then I'll leave you alone for a bit. Love you!

She then wanders off and the man can relax in piece while cooling off with the issues at work. Simple.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
getting help from my friends
Posted: 3/31/2010 8:32:07 AM
Lord, some people have no compassion.

OP, you are being passive aggressive by trying to fall of the map until someone recognizes it and actually helps you out all by themselves. They cannot mind read, and if you have no communication with them, how the hell are they suppose to know that you need them? Go to the closest one; tell him or her "I'm really not in a good place emotionally right now. I need some help; just to relax and have company to distract me. Please help."

If they don't want to help you when you sincerely ask something like that; than they are not really your friends. Although I'm sure if you actually take the time to ask them (which should take no more than a 10 - 20 minute phone call), they will help you.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Hilarioiusly bad communication blunders/misunderstandings
Posted: 3/5/2010 7:44:32 AM
I work in a wine shop; and there is this really yummy brand of Riesling (type of grape) that we only sell once a year depending on the yield of the vintage. On one of my shifts there is a lady walking up to the counter with another brand of Riesling and places it on the counter where one of my co-workers begins to ring it through the cash.

Thinking that I can make a last minute recommendation and hopefully upsell; I lean over to the woman in question and say "Thirty Bench!" which is the brand name of the special Riesling that only comes in every year at a certain time. She kind of gives me a funny look as if she did not hear me, so I lean over again and say "Thirty Bench!" while pointing to the display of Thirty Bench Riesling behind me.

At this point she's just giving me a weird look and says "Pardon me?"

I tell her "I think you'd like this Riesling that we carry, it's only here for a certain time and than it will be sold out."

The lady appears to be completely baffled and than states, "Oh, I thought you were calling me a dirty b1tch."

I was blushing to high heaven for most of the day after that point.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Looks like more drama at home
Posted: 3/1/2010 10:01:19 AM

well the OP announced M as his friend and K as M's girlfriend.

that would leave me to believe that M is good enough of a friend to invite him to live with M and K.

sounds like M thinks the OP is a good enough friend to let him move into his house with his GF living there.

i still want a response from the OP as to whether this is the woman he mentioned in another thread as to having been in love with or whatever.


M was a friend two months ago; which obviously changed due to the tone in the first post. If you want to see his posting history, I think you can fine that by clicking on the link that says 'post history' right under the user's image.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
80/20
Posted: 3/1/2010 9:51:28 AM
I don't try to assign statistics to something that should not be measured or counted in a quantitative manner.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Looks like more drama at home
Posted: 3/1/2010 9:43:39 AM

spot on, finally someone that passed reading comprehension without being reactionary.


Pot, meet kettle.

In any case, I can understand where you are coming from Dog, I have on particular problem though: this is not a case of 'Bros before hos.'. That roommate of the OPs is not someone that the OP respects or believes is a friend because of the male roommate's actions towards his girlfriend. As for if the OP has a white knight complex, we don't know enough about the situation to make that kind of assumption.

However, if the OP does have white knight complex; he shouldn't be confronting his roommate and talking it out with him. Rather than listening to the girlfriend's sob story; he should simply try to find different accommodations. If it is not a white knight complex and he is simply listening to a friend who actually needs help, I would think he should probably talk to his 'Bro' about the issue at hand: abuse.
 Soft Lily
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Looks like more drama at home
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:25:40 AM
'Kay, new rule:

"Humans before hos and d1cks."
 
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