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beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

giving up on love... Posted: 3/22/2009 7:49:07 PM
I have realized that giving up on love is not the answer. Although I am starting to think there is no one out there for me, I have not given up on being happy. I am not going to rely on someone else to make me happy. I am going to achieve that all by myself. And if someone wants to be a part of that, it is totally up to them. You can't make someone love you, but you can love yourself.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 118 (view)

If you were dating someone that your child/children did not like would you break up, or would you stay???? Posted: 12/12/2008 8:23:00 PM
In my last relationship, I noticed my 16 year old daughter just cringed at mention of my ex boyfriends name. She would tell me that she didn't like him and thought I deserved better. When I asked her to explain she would say, "Well, it's not that he is mean to you, he just isn't very nice to you". I felt she was just jealous of the time we spent together, but it turned out, she was right on the money about him. He had been lying to me the entire duration of our relationship. I have always said that children are the best judge of character, but I thought she had outgrown that sixth sense. My daughter was very insightful and wish I had listened to her.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Too quick to comply? Posted: 12/3/2008 7:12:05 PM
Are you dating my mother, LOL? She conforms to every man in which she has a relationship. If they liked motorcycles, she suddenly loved to ride motorcycles, if they like the opera, you guessed it, she loved that then, one even sparked an interest for****fighting, LOL. Some woman are like this. They are unsure about themselves, even at an older age, and feel like they have to adapt to the identity of their love interest. If you like a woman who has never discovered who they are, then I say continue to see her. If you like a more independent woman who thinks for herself, then move on.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Another one bites the dust... kind of long Posted: 11/20/2008 12:00:48 AM
You shouldn't have said anything and no matter how hard he tried to get you to leave, you shouldn't have. That would have bothered him more, LOL!!!!

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

How long do you give someone to make up his mind? Posted: 11/18/2008 11:00:17 PM
I was in a relationship where my ex wanted to "take a step back". We still saw each other and began dating others as well. After I had enough, he asked if we could be exclusive again. I found out he was still pining after a woman he had broken up with a year before he met me (she was married). I have since become insightful to some things. If a man really wants you, he is not going to want to take a step back or see other people. He will do what he can to make it work. The problem I see here is he has a mental issue (my ex was bipolar). There will NEVER be any type of compromise in the relationship. He will continue to abuse you mentally and emotionally. Anyone, male or female, should think more of themselves than to subject themselves to this kind of behavior. If you are considering taking this man back, you do not need to ask questions about him, but evaluate yourself. I discovered that I deserve more than to continue to give in to something that is a very unhealthy situation. You should move on and not look back. You will be thankful that you did. He will never be a better partner to you because you will not demand it from him, or others.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Did I do the right thing or was I rude? Posted: 11/17/2008 10:29:47 PM
You are so lucky that something more didn't come out of this. Your safety was compromised and the outcome could have been uglier than your date.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Hindlick maneuver Posted: 11/13/2008 8:56:37 PM
Two rednecks walk into a bar after workin' all day to have a couple of beers. As they were drinkin' their beers, they noticed a woman started chokin' on a peanut at a table behind them. One of the rednecks ran over and asked the woman, "Kin ya swaller?", she shook her head no. He then said, "Kin ya breathe?", once again she shook her head no. The redneck got behind her and lifted her skirt and started licking circles on her back side. The woman was so shocked that she coughed up the peanut and was able to breath again. She thanked him for saving her life and he went back to sit with his buddy at the bar. His buddy then said, "Ya know, I heard about that Hindlick maneuver, but have never seen it done."

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

ex question Posted: 11/11/2008 11:49:02 PM
It seems as if he has moved on, I would suggest you do the same. You act like he is doing this to hurt you, but perhaps with the problems you were having, the marriage was over a long time ago.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Making People Happy Posted: 11/11/2008 10:24:34 PM
That was hilarious. Thanks for the chuckle.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

Dredging up old hurts during arguments Posted: 11/11/2008 10:12:59 PM
I have found that when something old is brought up in an argument, it wasn't resolved in the first place. Just because it was addressed, doesn't mean it is managed. I feel that if a SO does something to you, you need to move on from it or move on from the relationship. It is not fair to the other person or yourself. Get out or get over it.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

Academics dating over 30 Posted: 11/11/2008 10:04:04 PM
I get the feeling that if someone is not an "academic" that your perception of them is that they are below you and do not understand how difficult it is to bear this major burden of intelligence. One of my best friends is an academic, over 30 and never married. She chooses to be this way not because she feels like someone cannot match her intellectually, but because she enjoys her lifestyle. An education does not a genius make. Maybe if you would look beyond your little world, you may find that there is intelligence in many different forms. And perhaps you will find someone that not only makes you think, but may rock your world. Sorry, had to dumb it up, but I bet you get it.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 254 (view)

Do you wish the worst for your ex? Posted: 11/5/2008 12:19:18 PM
If I ended the relationship, I wish the best for my ex. But I am only human and if someone hurt me, I don't necessarily want them to hurt, I just don't want them to be happy until I move on. I know it's selfish, but that is just the way it is.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

An unhealthy reason for wanting to be in a relationship.... Posted: 10/30/2008 7:32:51 PM
Amen sister! I agree with you. I had a friend tell me one time, "you can't make anyone else happy, until you are happy with yourself". I thought he was right, but he was actually on half right. You do have to make yourself happy, but it not your job to make someone else happy. They have to find it within themselves. I am not looking for someone to complete me or make me whole, I would like to be with someone who compliments me and adds to me. But if I don't find that, I would be happier being alone than to depend on someone for my happiness.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Strange Kids Question Posted: 10/28/2008 6:13:03 PM
A lot of times single mothers allow their child(ren) to sleep with them, not to make the child feel more secure, but the parent. I would say that your girlfriend has more security and emotional issues than the little boy. What I am most disturbed by is that only after a month of dating, you are spending the night at this woman's house. You shouldn't even have met this child for at least, AT LEAST, four to six months, let alone sleeping with the two of them. I say you don't need to be examining the detramental effects to the son, but what the mother is putting this child through. You should question any woman that wants to introduce you to their child only after a month AND letting you sleep with them. You are in his territory, not the other way around.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 312 (view)

Funny, but real names... Posted: 10/27/2008 7:54:13 PM
A guy from where I live is part of a singing group, his name is Mike Hunt.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 77 (view)

How do women get so attached with a man even through abuse/neglect? Posted: 10/26/2008 1:50:31 PM
Just because a woman has a career and appears to have all her crap together, does not necessarily mean she doesn't have some type of emotional problem. Women, any woman, that allows herself to attacted herself to a man who disrespects her may have problems with self esteem or other issues. It's very sad that women (myself included) allow themselves to be treated with less respect than what they deserve.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

avg looking guy need high end car to get hot girl Posted: 10/23/2008 10:24:46 PM
You keep saying, "to get a hot girl". Obviously you and your friend have a very poor opinion of attractive girls. A lot of women, hot or otherwise look for attractiveness in a man, including confidence, intelligence, and of course looks. I would be pretty confident in saying that it has nothing to do with the car you drive, it probably has more to do with your bad attitude and your confidence level and maybe you should lower your standards. A car does not a man make. Plus, if you got a nice car and still didn't "get a hot girl", what would your excuse be then?

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 84 (view)

If a woman proposes and the man accepts. Is it a legal binding contract Posted: 10/23/2008 9:08:20 PM
Although a proposal is not a binding legal contract, when a man gives a woman an engagement ring, that is a precursor to the marriage. If the engagement is called off, the woman is legally obligated to return the ring. Actually going through with the marriage is the completion of the contract, so if they break up after the completion of the marriage, she doesn't have to return the ring. I guess it would be the same if a woman proposed marriage to the man, but she should make it binding and give him a ring, LOL.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different Posted: 10/22/2008 7:40:42 PM
If you suspected it, then it's not out of the blue. You knew what was coming. That's our problem as women or those who care too much, we stay in a state of denial.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Everything wonderful, now boyfriend ignoring me/acting different Posted: 10/20/2008 8:14:55 PM
Is this the same guy that left you at the play to talk to the actress?

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Are Dating Sites Considered Dating Down? Posted: 10/19/2008 10:06:03 PM
If you meet someone in the "real world" that you are interested in, they may not be available. One of the advantages of dating on line, they make it pretty clear as to their availablity or what they want. Do I think that the people on dating sites are desperate or losers? Absolutely not. I use them to expand my choices in men. Most men in my hometown who I prefer to date, (i.e, educated, goal oriented, have teeth) are married or involved. I don't think I am a loser (most of the time), but online dating allows me to see what else is out there besides small town closed minds.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 79 (view)

Unavailable Men Posted: 10/16/2008 8:27:13 AM
Most men are emotionally unavailable. At least the one's I meet. I think every woman should read the book, "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. We find ourselves over-analyzing men and trying to find the answers. The answers are pretty clear, we just let emotions get involved, we are only human. If a guy really likes you, you will know it. And if we spend most of the time defending a guy's actions, we don't need to be involved.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

What could you do to make your NEXT relationship better that the last one? Posted: 10/15/2008 6:44:35 PM
I would require that my partner be just as compromising as me. In my last relationship, I conformed to his needs (he is bipolar) and neglected what I was really looking for in a relationship. I will also not allow him to make all the decisions in the relationship. A relationship isn't 50/50, it's both parties involved giving 100%.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

emotional infidelity? Posted: 10/14/2008 4:20:07 PM
This is almost exactly what happened in my last relationship. Before he would admit this was going on, he called me delusional and needed help. When I confronted him with the e-mails, he then proceeded to tell me how wrong he was for letting this woman string him along (she was married and had an affair with her two years before he met me). He then tried to defend himself and say they only saw each other once and nothing happened. It was still cheating. He was emotionally tied to her, so there was no way we could grow although he would tell me he was in love with me and wanted a future. I feel that "emotional infidelity" is worse than physical.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 284 (view)

When is flirting cheating? Posted: 10/12/2008 7:04:31 PM
Sounds like you and I dated the same guy Z, LOL.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 279 (view)

When is flirting cheating? Posted: 10/12/2008 5:18:13 PM
What my ex didnt understand that cheating doesn't have to be physical. You are giving other women the attention that your significant other deserves. And the women you are flirting with think of you having a girlfriend as a challenge. Just ask yourself this, would you say the same things to these women if your girlfriend was around? Probably not, because most likely she would be pissed!

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

A question Posted: 10/12/2008 5:07:44 PM
"It sounds odd that the court turns on someone for the heck of it without doing anything wrong.... " There are injustices where children are removed for little or no reason, but in this case, I think it was justified.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

A question Posted: 10/12/2008 5:00:58 PM
Seems to me you need to focus on getting your children back, taking care of this one, take your profile off of here and quit trying to meet men (obviously your choice in men is not very good). You are going to keep repeating the same pattern and one day your girls will be hurt by your disregard for them. You are also putting them in danger by the men you choose to be around, as well as setting a bad example and they will learn from your behavior and will find themselves in unhealthy, destructive relationships.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 449 (view)

Girlfriend Wants Plenty of Fish Password! Posted: 10/12/2008 4:48:43 PM
If you have a girlfriend and it is exclusive, GET OFF A FREAKIN' DATING SITE!!!

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

A question Posted: 10/12/2008 4:30:07 PM
First of all, what grounds would they have to take your child? Have you lost custody of a child before? If not, then there are no grounds for removal. Secondly, why did you get involved with a man who had a background such as this? Did you not know until after you became pregnant? I hope you don't already have children and didn't expose them to this man, if you do, you should lose custody of your child.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 862 (view)

Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with? Posted: 10/12/2008 10:50:34 AM
No. If you truly are in love with someone, you will stay faithful. And that doesn't just mean cheating in a physical sense. You can be unfaithful emotionally as well.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 149 (view)

Do you ever get bored with dating, sex, and everything else? Posted: 10/12/2008 9:50:51 AM
I'm not necessarily bored, but it's wearing me out. I'm tired!!!

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 202 (view)

He is still active on POF Posted: 10/12/2008 9:44:21 AM
A similar thing happened to me with a guy that I had dated for a year. Get out!!! He is waiting to see if something better comes along.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 150 (view)

Dating someone with bi-polar ..............help! Posted: 10/11/2008 10:38:04 AM
I dated someone with bipolar as well. It was ALWAYS about him and how a situation would affect him. They will say that they don't use their illness as a crutch, but they do. It is always the excuse. They expect you to deal with it because they just can't handle change. One of my friends is a therapist and after telling her my situation, she simply said, "you forget, you are dealing with man with a mental illness". And it is true, no matter how much medication or therapy they are using, bottom line, it is a mental illness. So either conform to his needs or get out. My advice is to get out. There are some things you can deal with in someone's past, but it is just too difficult when they are not willing to put forth the effort.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 2088 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 10/9/2008 8:48:30 PM
I usually don't date older men, but when I first started using online dating sites, I was way more open minded. I had chatted with a man, who was 44. We had common interest, and a "pleasant" conversation and he asked if we could meet for lunch. Since he was just the next town over and I was going to be in town I agreed. I had informed him that I did not usually date older men he said, "I don't look 44, my friends say I look like I'm in my late 30's". Anyway, I pulled up to our meeting place and quickly decided I would never, ever meet someone without a photo again. He definately did not look 44, he looked 64. Which is opening a whole other can of worms about men lying about their age.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Profile cliches: My friends and family are important to me! Posted: 10/8/2008 3:52:29 AM
I don't think he is talking about that kinda "stick".

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

What is your Bail? Posted: 10/7/2008 8:46:23 PM
My bail would be $550.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Profile cliches: My friends and family are important to me! Posted: 10/7/2008 8:41:31 PM
A few things on profiles tickle me. When people put every possible positive attribute known to man. "Well-educated, great sense of humor, loyal, hard worker". I wish for once someone would say, "I leave the toilet seat up", or "I have the uncontrollable problem of farting when I sneeze". Another thing is when people don't use spell check, punctuation, or good grammar. I misspell words all the time, but when someone says, "I in joy sports", come on! And the other thing is when guys say they want a woman who is independant and strong. I have found that this is soooooo untrue. And that is no laughing matter, or maybe it is.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Hairstyling goofs...ever had one? Posted: 10/7/2008 8:24:31 PM
As a hairstylist, a lot of my clients (and my co-workers clients) come in to hear about my on-line dating experiences. They are a riot!!!!

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Skeletons. How long should you keep them in the closet? Posted: 10/7/2008 8:16:09 PM
I agree in developing the trust thing. Or if I see that it may go somewhere. But I don't want to reveal something that is very emotional to me if I am not emotionally attached to someone.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Skeletons. How long should you keep them in the closet? Posted: 10/7/2008 8:14:24 PM
Most men say that, but when I tell them about my past, they either judge me or pity me. I want neither.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why? Posted: 10/7/2008 7:50:04 PM
I hate to always be so negative on these forums, but after I hear the same things coming from someone else that I have been wondering, it is quite enlightening. It sounds to me that he likes "hanging out" with you, but is waiting around for something better. It is not an issue of being "emotionally unavailable", because I am pretty sure if someone he wants to get close to comes along, he will suddenly become "available".

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 72 (view)

Does looks really matter or is it a +++ Bonus Package? +++ Posted: 10/7/2008 7:23:01 PM
It's not really that he/she think you look good, but whether or not their friends think you look good. Its terrible, but very true. They think to themselves, "will I be proud or embarrassed to be seen with this person?"

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Skeletons. How long should you keep them in the closet? Posted: 10/7/2008 6:51:12 PM
As with most people my age, we have a past. Somethings are deal breakers, such as, being convicted of murder and/or having to report to your parole officer, being a sex offender, or have ever been a member of the opposite sex. But there are things that have happened in our lives that are tragic to us, but may not be a big deal to others. Or they could be very important things to mention. My question is.....When do you divulge this information? Or should you leave the past behind? If you didn't tell the person and they found out later, would that still be lying?

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 91 (view)

To tell or not to tell Posted: 10/7/2008 6:32:07 PM
I dated a guy from this site for a year. We had decided to become exclusive then after my teenage daughter got pregnant he asked if we could take a step back which involved seeing other people. We did this for 6 months and then I told him I was not going to do this and he asked if we could become exclusive again. I agreed but it didnt feel right, so after a little digging, I found out he had been still talking inappropriately to a married woman he had an affair with two years before he met me. I knew her name and her husbands. I kept debating on whether to tell her husband. I decided not to, because even though you say it is for her benefit, you know that is to hurt him. I found that when you try to hurt him, you are not allowing yourself to get over it. Although you may feel better, DO NOT lower yourself to his level. You are better than that and just because you were lonely (which lets face it, was why you allowed him to manipulate you in the first place) he was going to take full advantage. She will figure him out. If you tell her, he will talk about how crazy and obsessed you are with him and she will still marry him.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay? Posted: 10/5/2008 6:43:31 PM
I have been divorced for 13 years, and been on these sites for 5. I am really starting to think no one is out there for me. I don't go on dates to see how many I can get, I am genuinally trying to find someone with whom I am compatible. I come from a small town and most of the men my age are married or I don't have anything in common with them. Most of my friends say I am too picky, but why settle for something you don't want. Don't misunderstand, I have had a couple of relationships which have taken up some time, but obviously didn't work out. Give them a chance. Don't automatically think that something is wrong with them just because they don't jump from one relationship to another and is not willing to settle for less than what he/she wants.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

advise ladies/men Posted: 10/5/2008 6:34:56 PM
He is waiting around to see if something better comes along and until it does, he is settling for you. Don't mean to be cruel, but it has happened to me.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Are we all expecting too much ? Posted: 10/4/2008 11:11:06 PM
Wasn't it Einstein that said, "Insanity is repeating the same things and expecting a different outcome"? You are right. Everyone says they are tired of the bar scene, but recreate it in the comfort of their home.

beniandthejets

Joined: 1/10/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Can I recover a can we slow things down? situation? Posted: 9/21/2008 10:32:09 AM
I became exclusive with a guy after dating for a few months. My teenage daughter got pregnant and he asked if we could "take a step back" which involved seeing other people. We dated each other and other people for seven months and he asked if we could become exclusive again. I agreed, but still felt like he was not totally committed to the relationship. I did some detective work and turns out he was still pining over a married woman that he had an affair with two years before we even met. So I believe if someone wants to "take a step back" or "slow things down", they are making sure that something better is not out there for them. If you are with someone, you want to see where it goes and grow with them. If someone doesnt want to move forward, it probably means they are not that into you. Sorry if I burst your bubble. Also, with your long description in explaining the situation, it seems as if you were defending her actions, but trying to convince yourself at the same time.

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