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Thread: The break up wasn't just about us, Now i am lost.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

The break up wasn't just about us, Now i am lost. Posted: 1/6/2009 3:59:22 AM
I'm going to tell you right now, that you seemed to let sex lead a lot of it. If you seriously thought sex was his way of making up for being a loser towards you, and being so resentful and whiny and letting his parents control him, then you mroe or less deserved this. Go back to him again, maybe he'll have sex with you and hold you again before he dumps you the next weekend.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Help Me Read This Guy Posted: 1/6/2009 3:18:09 AM
Well, all these excuses for him seem well and good, but here's the thing... Is it possible his sister may have actually died? I know we men lie, but rarely about things so heartless (or maybe this is wishful thinking on my part). So it could be his sister really DID die, and he was in mourning because they were really close. Give him the benefit of the doubt. It may end up badly, but you don't want to ruin what may go well because of that little doubt.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

How Do I Know He's Still Interested??? Posted: 1/6/2009 3:15:17 AM
Heheh....he's in the army...and you call him a "major sweetheart...." Well, if there is a relationship, you have a pet name for him. Major Sweetheart. It would fit indeed. Anyway... I can relate to you in a sense, as I'm young and often get thought of as naive or what have you because of this, but like me, you're really in tune with how your heart works, something people twice our age have problems with. You're doing the right thing so far, but just make sure he knows you care, and that you do want to be with him. Don't sit it out completely, as that may give him the wrong message. And make sure he knows the difference between what he'd get with a friendship and what he'd get with a relationship, if you get my meaning. I'm not saying sleep with him. I'm saying that when people say "I'll always be there for you, no matter what you choose," the person they say that to thinks that no matter what, it's a safe bet because you'll always be there in your entirety (I think I invented a new word). So make sure he knows the difference, then let him decide.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Why does this Happen because I prefer Asian men? Posted: 1/6/2009 3:07:28 AM
It's a defense mechanism. Guys always put up walls like this. "Oh, she doesn't like me. She prefers asian dudes?" Then they try to think of reasons to not just put asian men down, but to try and turn you off to them. And then you tell them about this thing you have called a heart, and they freak out.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

Oh it hurts so bad! Posted: 12/18/2008 1:39:32 PM
I know I am just 20, but I also know that it appears I know a fair more about relationships and how they work than you do. I'm going to try and address these points individually, and do not ignore me due to my age, because I'm smarter than you probably assume. - You say that you thought you were content with the drunkard war hero (alcohol problem does equal drunkard), and you tried to glaze over the bad with the good. That's like saying you're trying to pain crap with gold paint. All it is, is painted crap. That was your first mistake. You should never try to gloss over it like that unless the good outnumbers the bad, and even then, it should outnumber the bad by a vast quantity. - You say you were attracted with the carpenter, and sent him an email saying you were smitten, and went out with him, WHILE YOU WERE MARRIED, and after a year of this, divorced your war hero husband to be with the carpenter. Okay, so many things here. You should never date someone else while married. This is one of the reasons people are nailing you to the cross. No matter how bad someone is, unless they're cheating on you, they don't deserve to be cheated on. I'd also like to guess that you forgot to mention that he cheated on you, as well, as that seems to be the most common response to my previous sentence. I'm guessing it wasn't a date, wait a year, then see him again and divorce. You cheated on your husband for an entire year before divorcing him. That too was a mistake, because you should've divorced him before the carpenter even entered the scene if you were that upset in the relationship. - You love the man, you say, more than anything, or as you put it "until the day you die," but you refuse to support him, as he cannot support himself. You paid for his clothes, dental, electric, etc etc. I'm guessing you're very old fashioned, because you don't want to support a man, as you say later in the paragraph, but I'm guessing you think he should support you. I also bet you're a feminist who believes everything should be 50/50. In case you haven't figured it out yet, then means support is 50/50 as well. I realize that he wasn't giving his share, but that should've been the clue before you asked him to move in with you. That probably would've been the best thing, because now you make him sound worse, but he was that way prior to you, if I had to guess. - You left him a dear john letter, then moved back with your ex, with which there is no love, but there is security. You then moved back in with the carpenter, and apologized, and he continued his ways. Sorry, but did you happen to lose your memory during this time? Or was love blinding you to his habits? Because his habits were the same. Love may not cost a thing, but it sounds like HE was costing you a fortune. You made a mistake by moving back in with your ex, because that was asking for heartbreak. Thats like going back to your crib because there's bars, but no room for comfort. - You invited him back into your house to observe him. Do I really need to explain this? sigh Like I said, his habits remained the same. - He promises to work. He's on the computer and practices guitar for hours, wrote songs, fixed equipment like new, and he's not filling out applications, not locating job aspects, and not helping with your business. So because he's the same as he was last time, he's out. Guess he broke his promise, hm? I guess you're suprised, hm? Shouldn't be. History tends to repeat itself, and he was history before, but now he's back, and not changing at all. So you kick him out. - You continue seeimg him and your ex again. You get security from the ex and love from the bum. Find someone who gives you both. - So you call the carpenter and he and you have dinner and you get your hopes up. So Friday you get a call and he has an excuse to be by himself. Saturday, no answer to your calls, so you go over and see him at his computer with another girl. Yeah, brilliant all around there. Thursday, you open your arms, Friday, you get an arrow just above the heart, Saturday is bulls-eye. - Says he lost his other phone, gives you the new number, asks you to stay and watch the movie. You say no. Okay, people lose their phone, it happens. Maybe you should've stayed and see how he behaved around the both of you together. You could've figured out a heck of a lot that night. - You call the next night, and he's not alone. Oh well. maybe his roommate was there. You only asked if he was alone. I guess you meant, though, that the girl was there. Unless you really did ask if he was alone, and he said no, meaning his roomate was there. - You are fed up. Should've expected it. You think he should've given you some notice, and tried. He worked when someone called him, and his place was a dump. Now you're hurting bad. Wish it'd go away. Honestly, yes, you should've expected it. You gave him fair notice, but you also played his feelings like a pipe organ. You already laid out that he's a bum. No use crying over. Yeah, he wont change. The hurt wont go away soon, because you did this to yourself. To be quite honest, you brought all of this on yourself. It's as people are saying. What goes around, comes around. Karma's a b!tch.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Stupid acts deserve sympathy? Posted: 10/5/2008 11:04:42 PM
To JulietJuliet; I don't play football for that reason. It's stupid, risky and jsut an excuse for guys to grab each other, I think, but that's neither here nor there. I've done stupid things, but I was also younger and did them because I didn't know better. I do stupid things now, but not on purpose. I'm talking people who do stupid things on purpose. I hardly think the "five second rule" post above and jumping off a two story high roof are hardly comparable. And if people want to seek thrill and excitement, then they should ride a roller coaster. Becoming a cop for thrill and excitement is like drinking cyanide to quench thirst. It's also how corrupt cops come to fruition.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Stupid acts deserve sympathy? Posted: 10/4/2008 9:54:56 PM
To Mary Freakin Poppins; I know I do stupid things in life. But I also know it's my own damn fault, and I don't deserve any pity or sympathy for it. If I lied down with my leg on train tracks, and let my leg get run over and crushed, I wouldn't deserve sympathy cause it's my own damn fault. To StrawBS08; Yeah, he broke his leg, and I feel no sympathy whatsoever. Why? Because HE broke his leg. Not some accident, not some derrainged maniac, but him, some dumbass showoff wannabe, jumped off a two story house. Anyone who is sympathetic over that needs to wake up and look at the world. To Oldsoul; There's fvcked up, then there's being fvckin retarded. I'm guessing he's the latter, cause no one would think, "Duhhhh, I is gon jum fwom duh woof, an beh allllll otay." I'm sure he thought that because I met the guy after the accident, and said he thought there were no risks with it. To AwP; He's about 20, and was trying to show off.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Stupid acts deserve sympathy? Posted: 10/3/2008 12:12:46 AM
I was conversing with one of my friends at school, and he mentioned that a buddy of his was in a wheelchair. I started feeling kinda bad and asked what happened, and he said his buddy jumped off the garage roof and broke his legs. Immediately, I felt all sympathy leave me and he and I got into a heated discussion about how if someone's stupid enough to make a mistake like THAT, then they deserve the consequences. Now I'm one friend less, but I don't want to know if I was in the right or wrong, cause I don't care. What I want to know is what you all think. Could you feel sorry for someone with an injury they got while attempting a very risky and high dangerous act merely for the fun/thrill of it? Maybe my heart is a block of ice, but I'd sonner laugh at someone who has a nail through their hand than feel sympathetic for them, provided THEY are the one who got the dang thing in their hand in the first place.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Best getting back together song. Posted: 9/24/2008 5:29:01 PM
Huh...guess I'm the only one who likes this song: It's All Coming Back To Me; By Meat Loaf (The name is weird, yes, but I love the song!)

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Date a military woman? Posted: 9/12/2008 9:07:51 PM
I wouldn't. Moving around like that would be expensive, and I wouldn't want to be without her for a long time.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Boyfriend under lots of stress & pressure Posted: 8/24/2008 8:01:21 PM
OP: "If my friend were in this situation, I would tell her that staying with this guy isn't the best idea, but I care about him and I'm trying to be confident that things will get better, but I thought that coming back after a 3 months of long distance would help things improve, but he's so preoccupied with all this stuff going on." To be honest, I bet your friend would give you the exact same excuse. And yet you'd still try to get her to find someone else. He obviously needs to get his life turned around. His parents pulled him from college, he was charged with minor in possession, which is a good sign you need to get out of there anyway, and it seems like doing NOTHING is doing more harm than good. So you need to talk with him about this, or find someone else, because you seem to be going nowhere with him/

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Changed in a few days? Posted: 7/19/2008 11:15:45 PM
Okay, I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks. We've been getting very close to each other, and even got to the point that we were always using pet names and nicknames we gave each other. Well, my papaw (grandfather) has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and we're down here visiting for a few days, and I told her that ahead of time. I logged on tonight to talk to her, and she seemed like a different person. We always called each other sexy before the trip, but now she says it was inappropriate. She only called me by my real name when I said something well...you know...in her ear and she got all blushy and giggly, or we were in a fight. Immediately, she starts using a harsh tone with my name. And she seemed really uptight, and comments that always made her weak at the knees seemed to not phase her. I don't BELIEVE I said anything wrong, but I may have. Does anyone have any idea why she seemed to have changed so much? Oh, and we both have accounts on here, and we both have not bothered to edit them to not looking, if that helps.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 106 (view)

He is jealous of my male friend Posted: 7/14/2008 6:15:48 PM
I'm not saying I'm the only one who sees this, but... OP, you asked for everyone's opinion on the situation, yet when they GIVE you their opinion, you seem to be defending the fact that you're in the right. If you really think you're in the right, don't view this thread again. Otherwise, start taking these opinions to heart and think about this more than you seem to be.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Rude questions Posted: 6/30/2008 2:20:01 AM
It sounds fairly typical to me. He called you stupid and fat cause you shot him down and he's not used to it.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

My future stopped overnight! Posted: 6/28/2008 11:44:25 PM
yeah, him cheating has GOT to be the only reason. [/sarcasm]

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Im so confused Posted: 6/28/2008 6:46:54 PM
I think you're making too big a deal out of it, and people are coming to your side because you're a hurting woman. You say he's a great guy, and you're hurt because he led you on, supposedly. From what you've had, you've only had a single date. I must admit, this seems like it's your fault for giving so many feelings up front for him. And if he wants friendship, give him friendship. Maybe when he is ready to date, you'll be there waiting with open arms.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

arghhhh!!!! parents!!! Posted: 6/23/2008 11:59:16 PM
You all are at a good age for a family. The problem, I think, is that they had this idea for their son, and want to control him, but you've broken what control they have, and are taking their boy. I know he's 26, as you said, but parents can be like that.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

I'm so confused! please someone explain this to me! Posted: 6/22/2008 1:55:20 AM
To be honest, it can be a number of things. There have been numerous threads of the same thing. It can be cold feet, something came up, he has a girlfriend, he's married, or etc etc etc.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Guilt by Conscience Posted: 6/17/2008 1:58:33 PM
You seem very arrogant about how you think rivereye. What makes you think you're so right? Because you're older than me? Because you think I'm a child it means that I'm not experienced in life. Who knows maybe you are right, but you, friends, have no damn right to speak to me like I'm so damn inferior. Get off your highhorse. People do earn my trust, but I also am not so emotionally unstable that they have to work their butt off for a tiny bit of it. You're not wrong, but you're not right either. Accept it.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Guilt by Conscience Posted: 6/16/2008 11:36:54 AM
To the first question, yes, it is unreasonable. You can't control the person. They are with you, probably because they think you WONT do so. To the second, even if I did want it, I couldn't expect her to tell me. Sure, I like knowing what she's doing, but from a lack of trust, just because I like hearing her talk, and I've not a lot to do in my spare time. To the third, yes, but I think it would bother most everyone. Because there's a chance the two might be alone, and the one who likes your SO coul be strong enough to be able to force the SO into something she doesn't want. That's really what scares me the most. Rivereye, If your trust has been so abused, the one you need to be angry at is you for letting it be so. Don't punish the one you love because you can't trust her to walk out the door and come back in.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Guilt by Conscience Posted: 6/15/2008 11:49:11 PM
Uh, that is a very sorry outlook, rivereye. Do you not trust your GF? To be honest, I think if you can't trust your GF, you don't deserve to have one.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Guilt by Conscience Posted: 6/15/2008 11:40:25 PM
To be honest, it seems girls do the same thing for the same reason. But you and your friends bring up a great point. Guys do get guilty by conscience. Why it's done, I dunno. I've never cheated before. But I would imagine it's because of the reason the guy cheats in the first place, the attention they get. They are afraid that they are not getting the full attention of both women, which is what they want, because their SO is cheating. If that's true, they don't have the attention they desire, which preceeds to piss them off and make them hypocritical.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 574 (view)

why do men think they can use women for sex? Posted: 6/13/2008 5:56:27 PM
Why is this thread still open? Everyone's had their say. Give the woman a break. I'm sure in the same situation a lot of the people whoa re showing off in their avatars would do the same damn thing. I honestly think, yes, you made a mistake, but if he was any kind of man, he would've not only brought up the agreement you both made, but stuck to it. The way I see if, you just found a bad guy. The point is you learned your lesson. End of story :)

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

I have a problem accepting some women as equals (can't respect them). Posted: 6/7/2008 8:50:39 PM
I may be young, but I've more or less experience the same and turned out different. The reasoning is that if that's what they want, oh well. You're lumping all women into one huge group, and I'm sure you get pissed a little if men get lumped into a group, which is either a double standard, or hypocritical, not sure. But regardless, you need to realize that growing up, they were GIRLS! That's the point. GIRLS want whatever looks good because GIRLS think it's like a new toy. It's pretty and it's fun to play with. But at the end of the day, it's still a toy, and can't be much more. These girls didn't see the potential your heart held, the spirit of what you are, and all I can say is oh well. Therapy wont help you. A swift kick to the butt might. Because your problem is the fact that you can't let go. Stop living in the past, cause it seems your past sucks.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

He Died of a 'Broken Heart' . . . kinda ! Posted: 5/31/2008 10:51:28 AM
This seems SO damn fake, and the hideous grammar and spelling didn't help at all.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Clingy? Posted: 5/22/2008 12:47:21 PM
No one was asking you to. Far as I'm concerned, and from what I can tell, you're as good a male role model as Michael Jackson is a babysitter.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Clingy? Posted: 5/22/2008 12:29:23 PM
Well, for the emotional question that 9035768, I'm emotional that I feel things more intensely. Like, those ASPCA commercials and the 9/11 remix of Heaven, I always cry when I hear/watch those. The crying after sex seems kinda confusing, especially since I'm a virgin. As for everyone else, thank you very much, especially to you rune3. And I guess "clingy" isn't the best word. Though, I always said my perfect girl would be clingy. I don't use the term in a negative way, but I guess a better word/phrase would be needy or desiring of full attention of something along those lines. I guess whatI want is someone who will make me as big a priority in their life as I will make them.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Changing? Posted: 5/22/2008 10:53:02 AM
Okay, here's the situation. There was a girl I liked for a long time, and she said she liked me too, but she had a bf, who she loved. She got into an arguement with me when she asked what I thinking, because apparently she didn't like the answer. One of the things she said is that I was alone because, "You're just too nice. You're clingy, and girls don't like that. You're emotional, and girls don't like that either. We're supposed to be clingy and emotional. We like guys with backbone." The more I thought about, the more I realized she's right. I'm clingy, and emotional, but I don't know how to change. So I'm asking women out there how I would go about changing myself to what a woman wants. And don't say the weight. That's non-negotiable.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Making initial contact - short and brief or descriptive? Posted: 5/19/2008 12:00:21 AM
First, kudos on the star wars name, lol. Second, I find that you get more responses if you ask something about the profile. I messaged someone once asking if they enjoyed all the traveling they did. I got a prompt and happy reply almost a day later. It may have also helped that I included one of those gift things you can use points on when you send a message.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

How did your first time meeting up w/ someone from POF go? Posted: 5/18/2008 12:05:06 AM
Well, I met with a girl only a couple years older than me at a local bowling alley, something simple so we wouldn't be nervous. We bowled a few games, and I lost, and we played some pool, and I lost those too. I opened doors, payed for all her things as well as my own, and she laughed quite a lot, as I was trying to make her do. And it seemed to go great. We hugged at the end and went our seperate ways. Well, we were supposed to hook up again, but she said she was unsure if we could meet, so I went ahead and went to our meeting spot the next day and waited an hour, but no show. I've tried to call her and text her a couple of times, but she's not responded once. It kinda hurt, as her profile seemed to be JUST what I was looking for... EDIT: So there's not confusion, the second meeting was to take place a week after the first.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Always called a freak Posted: 5/16/2008 11:43:00 AM
It's because of your pics. A couple shows quite a bit of your chest and shape, and another, you're completely topless, albeit to show off the tattoo, but the point is people don't see "Oh, she's showing off a tattoo." People see, "Yowza, she's topless!" Most any guy that says different, and I know a couple will after I post this, is a liar.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

was I wrong?!?!?!? Posted: 5/15/2008 1:38:06 AM
Seems to me the problem was you were in too deep and too attached. You wanted to love him despite the problems because the good times seemed to overpower the abd times, but it sounds like the bad times were more numerous than the good times. You should stop looking at only the good times of a relationship when considering if you love them, and include the bad as well. With all the trust issues and problems he had with you, you should've been out of there a long time before when you were. You shouldn't deal with bad times just to get to the good times, seldom as they are.

Joined: 1/18/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Question for the Masses... You brought her to the movies.... Posted: 5/4/2008 12:54:13 AM
This really seems to be the most logical choice. She asked if something was wrong so you wouldn't get suspicious of it. Was she getting unusually close to the mutual friend, or being flirty? That right there should've been the tip off, so to speak, for you.

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