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 Author Thread: Is it a turnoff when...
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is it a turnoff when...
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:44:44 PM
I don't drink either and if a simple statement about your own habits would have anyone considering you as 'boring', then you should be happy that they pass you by. Alcohol isn't a necessary element for everyone to have a good time. And a lot more people DON'T drink than you may know. I mean, if you have out with people who drink and in places they do, the assumption ( wrongly ) is that 'everyone' must do it too. Nope.

I'm often the only sober person at a party. I find it fairly amusing usually. And I never have to wake up wondering what I might've done ;) lol My non-drinking tends to tie more into both my disinterest in it combined with a tendency towards athletic pursuits to have fun ( hiking, biking, rock climbing etc ) are the two primary reasons I don't drink.

Just be patient and find functions or places to go or things to do that don't involve drinking and you're more likely to find other non-drinkers who will see you as anything BUT boring.

In the end, it's probably better if the drinkers just pass you by.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 82 (view)
 
I like a girl who is going through a rough time..
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:30:20 PM
First of all, anyone labeling her as a 'sinking ship' really ought to think twice about such a choice of words for 1) another human being - we all have problems and 2) a woman whose relationship has ended. And based on what the OP much earlier, she is likely not upset about that relationship ending ( so I would be circumspect about her returning to the bad guy ) and expressed positive feelings for the OP. She already demonstrated respect towards his feelings by not pushing her problems on him nor asking for his help. So, cut the lady a break please.

OP, I think it's a perfect time for you two to begin exploring your feelings for each other at a sane pace. Everyone, everyone,everyone has baggage. Those who say they don't are the ones I fined least believable. If you can be there for her tears and trials as well as her joys and good days, you both have a shot at creating a generally healthy and happy relationship. It's all based on your own attitude towards her. You like her and she likes you and it need be no more complicated than that. Everything will build on that base. I would only suggest you both take it slow and spend time doing things outside of the house to enjoy together. Eats, movies, parks, that sort of thing building some good moments and laughter. I'm sure she could use some of that anyway. You sound like a very level headed guy who also just happens to like a woman whose had a few recent problems. And everyone has problems. If you can deal well together early on with problems, it bodes well for you both down the road.

I wish the both of you well.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
long distance relationships?
Posted: 9/5/2009 10:10:26 PM
Long distance is the wrong distance.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 204 (view)
 
How come we all get so picky after 30?
Posted: 9/5/2009 10:06:27 PM
I'm a pretty happy person and enjoy my life and where it is. I don't look at having standards so much as being 'picky' as,"Your presence is either adding something positive to my life or it's not. And I don't have time for downbringers who need an audience." Period.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 305 (view)
 
When someone has artist as their profession.....
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:06:06 PM
I know someone on here who is an artist.

And he's nowhere NEAR a food bank nor ever will be in his life time.



Most REAL artists work their asses off. The rubes and wanna-be's are the ones trying to embody a cliche. They're tourists, nothing more.

Can you know for certain by a profile listed as 'artist'? Nope. But that's true of every profile here.

 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
First phone calls...
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:57:46 PM
Fair or not, I'd be willing to bet a few pennies she thought you were a player and were taking a call from someone else you were setting up for a date. That's the 'collateral damage' of those who routinely use the internet to manipulate the trust of others. So, a lot of people ( and it's not that unreasonable, all things considered ) are going to be on the defense with you till they feel a little bit of trust. There you were on the first phone call. You're still a total stranger, she has no idea what you may really be up to etc etc...it's unfortunate, but if you look at it in this way, maybe you won't feel so disappointed about it. Regardless, you did the right thing. You can only hope there won't be anymore Acts of God while you're on the next first phone call
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
flaming liberal and a staunch conservative, can it work?
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:53:17 PM
Someone else said it pretty right: if they are 'flaming/staunch' it probably would not be very peaceful if their goal was a realtionship where they are together daily. Similar values are pretty important for a stable relationship that's not filled with continual contention and strife over personal perspectives and opinions. But that's just me and my personal bias showing. I don't want to be with someone who's going to continually be playing 'devils advocate' ( it's tiring ) or always trying to convert me to their political perspective.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 70 (view)
 
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:40:12 PM
Brandon, you started a thread about how in 3 months you've not found 'the one' here.

Now this.

I think it's fairly easy: you're impatient and unrealistic....BUT...and this will likely get me flamed...

I don't think your fear is unfounded. You're 32, not 19. OK, duh, you know that

There's a lot of bravado about being comftorable with being alone forever or single. That's probably an aspect of societal changes, individual wealth, etc over the years. And that' s probably why old age in generations below 65 right now is going to be a helluva lot different than it was in the past.

I slightly relate to your fear. I have a friend or two in their late 50's who are probably going to have to rely very strongly on the kindness of strangers when they become ( and everyone does ) very old and not as capable of independent action ( routine stuff: trips to the doctor, grocery shopping, laundry....all harder and harder to do as bones and muscles decay LOL ). The old relationship model of our grandparents wasn't ALL bad. Knowing you had someone watching your six when you're 80 was just one of the comforts of a 'lifelong relationship'. But people were a little less self-serving then. Self-centeredness wasn't seen as a fashionable personality trait like it is often presented now.

If that scares you, if the idea of being an old man sitting alone by himself in his golden years with no one to lean on is something you really want to avoid or is not the future you want, then maybe you need to take an honest look at your own ethics, outlook, personality etc from someone more objective than yourself ( ask for a painfully honest opinion, for instance, about the most annoying aspects of your personality and behavior from a trusted friend or relative....and let them answer without being bitter towards them later ;)....then maybe that will help you get closer to what you want.

Think about your ideal partner and where she is most likely to hang out based on the interests you imagine here having. And then, go there. And be considerate and polite.

At 32 it's not all over. It never is at any age until we decide so. Don't garb yourself in the false bravado of others ( assuming it is false ). Go get and become what YOU want so you can be who SHE wants :)
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is power a turn on?
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:40:12 PM
Not all women are the same.
Not all women find the same things sexy.

'Power over people' is of little interest to me.

'Power' over oneself, far more.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Ladies, what does it take to meet in person?
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:34:43 PM
CutiepieHoneyBunch nailed it perfectly.

'Nough said.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Should a guy have to chase you ?
Posted: 6/12/2009 10:29:48 PM
In general - because not ALL women are the same and one day maybe most of you guys will finally get that LOL - it is a matter of manners and, in a sense, manliness for the guy to be willing to take the hit of potential rejection. Demonstrating that you're willing to goes a long way in proving a true self-confidence versus a phony one.

It's not so much about being 'chased' or 'pursued' as it is showing that you are trying to get our attention. The males, in a greater part of the animal kingdom, are the prettier ones who do all the dancing ;) Why? To get the females attention because he's competing against a lot of other males doing the same thing.

So some women like to see that a man understands that. Women are already often skittish as it is and if a guy is willing to put himself out there, to risk the vunerability of being rejected, it sometimes ( not always ) makes it easier for some women to relax and not feel pressure.

Chase too hard, and you risk doing a few things:
1) Failure to give a woman the space and time to consider you is, indirectly, like saying you think she's too dumb to make her own decisions. So, you're going to be a jerk and cajole her to YOUR way of thinking.
2) Which is really a bit of the first item, which is you may come off as controlling and/or manipulative.
3) You may shroud yourself in the ultimate killer: That you are desperate and needy.

BTW, there's no 'should' in any of it. If you are truly interested, you won't feel like you 'have' to do anything. If she's truly interested, you won't have to guess.

When it comes to head games, there are never any 'winners'.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:50:32 PM
You're not 'unemployed', you're in a 'career transition'. Happens alllll the time, especially lately.

You're a human being and want companionship. That's a primal, normal thing and you should seek it out regardless what your circumstances are.

I do, however, think if you find a woman willing to date you that you don't take her understanding for granted. Make sure she knows her open mindedness is appreciated, or you're dead from the start line.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 124 (view)
 
How can you tell your boyfriend i cheated on you
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:43:28 PM
You're young, you're dumb, you're full of....way too much guilt. Move past this relationship and go have many more lovers before you settle down, if you ever do. Variety is the spice of life when you're young. You'll make a better lover to the man you might marry one day and by then, you'll know better what kind of man you're most compatible with.

Don't be unrealisitic about who you are and what you want. That unreality might mean trying to have a super-serious relationship at a young age. There's still time for more...

Either keep the misstep to yourself or lay it on the table. But if you walk around racked with guilt to expunge your own psychological trash about it ( which is overboard given the circumstances IMHO ), then he will eventually pick it up and bug you till you blart it out in a meltdown of some kind. That's not the way to do it. And if he breaks up with you, big deal. You've already seen you're attractive to other men and there's plenty of them out there <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 205 (view)
 
Get that dog off the bed!
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:34:45 PM
If you get involved with a dog lover and you think you are going to change how that person feels about or behaves with their dogs, you're being wildly unrealistic from the beginning. Either don't date them or date them ACCEPTING who they are and what they come with.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 277 (view)
 
Were you ever so horny that,you wanted to taste your own cum???
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:30:28 PM
I was with a guy once who did that and it was an instant turn off. It made me think he had homosexual tendencies.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 76 (view)
 
my relationship story
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:26:50 PM
Sorry, but it sounds to me like you're involved with a man who is not truly 'over' his marriage nor will be any time soon. He hasn't cut the apron strings dear, he's just tied one of them to you.

'Good qualities' would mean he would avoid additional contact with his soon to be ex, not rationalize being around her for field trips with the kid. Don't you deserve better? When you believe you do, you'll ditch this guy and fast. Till then, you'll accomadate his lack of committment to the relationship he started with you and your stress will be self-inflicted in that case.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
LADIES NEED PROFILR ADVICE
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:20:24 PM
I agree with the comment about being 'clean'. It instantly says,"I don't have an STD...but I'm working on it!"

What might be your smile in those pics seems more like a smirk, because it's the same facial expression from picture to picture. Post something with more genuine expressions versus contrived ones.

I'm not impressed very much by how much you emphasize your behavior towards a 'lover' in physical terms. You're speaking about intimate things too far in advance, IMHO. I'm sure you're very expressive and affectionate, but drop the word 'lover'.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Old(er) Profile In Need Of A Tuneup
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:14:04 PM
The pictures are poorly lit and nothing is more T-I-R-E-D than the "camera held at arms length" shot. And I didn't see you smile in any of them. If you're going to post pictures, post ones that indicate you put some time and thought behind them.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
female input please!
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:11:33 PM
I just looked at it:
1) It's still too long
2) your pictures are too similar ( try changing clothes )
3) I'd say most women would stop at your admission of talking about 'raunchy things' and joking around about them. Most women don't want to be behaved towards like you would your buddies. It reflects a lack of poor taste, sorry.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Guys...too long???
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:57:41 PM
"It's generally understood...."

I don't agree with this in totality. I do agree it's not about 'cramming' anything down anyones throat but...there are so many profiles which clearly reflect that it's NOT generally understood many people here don't want to have their time wasted. Because of that, I think it's perfectly fine to be direct and up front about what a person is NOT willing to tolerate. This prevents contacts being made that are not for similar reasons.

Some people are looking for 'hook ups/NSA' and that's it. If your profile ensures they pass you by, so much the better. If no one's contacting you, then try making first contact with those profiles of men that you think you might be more on the same wavelength on. If you decide to 'soften' it up, you'd just probably re-word the same meaning anyway. I do think the profile is more an opportunity to talk about what you LIKE and the types of men you like ( not so much the type you do not like ). Wether you edit your profile or not, good luck! :)
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Dating International,Is It the Best?
Posted: 2/28/2009 8:48:29 PM
Most American men who cross land and sea to find a woman do so because they are desperate and feeling the pressure of being older and alone, because they are incompetent with women in general, have a very bigoted view of foreign women and percieve them as 'weaker' in some way that would make them easier to control, and actually believe these women, who are often looking for an 'anchor' in the states to eventually begin their own lives after dumping Mr.Desperate, really do love them.

My friends father has made the mistake not once, but twice. Is that true for all? No, but you'd be surprised the number of men willing to risk complete humiliation rather than be truly honest about why they are failing with American women ( probably because it would require seeing a counselor ). Anyway, now he's onto ex-Russian wife #2. I wouldn't be surprised one bit if he found another or started 'vacationing' in some country where he thinks he will look like a real catch ( generally an impoverished country btw ), compared to other American men back home.

I'm honestly not trying to be cruel, but there are tons and tons of scams being run designed to prey on the desperate. And I agree with the person who pointed out that you can't really 'date' someone thousands of miles away. Whatever country they live in.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
How do you recognize a controller?
Posted: 2/28/2009 8:13:08 PM
Trust your *gut instinct* early on with a person, when you're dating them. Often the controller does not present in a big way their true ability to damage you. They may even make you feel valued and wanted, showering you with compliments and eager to spend time with you.

There is the crux of the matter: What's the difference between this person and a normal one? A normal, emotionally adjusted person will react with compassion towards *you* if you point out that they've done or said something that makes you feel bad. A controller will tend to deflect and make excuses rather than apologize and take responsibility for their own words and actions.

If you find the person is continually wanting to argue with you about your opinions on anything from politics to the style of clothes or music you like, if they denigrate you in any way for being an individual rather than thinking like they do, you probably have someone with control issues that will become more severe down the road. As an adult, you do not need to be preached to or coerced into any perspective. Of course everyone has discussions and of course we don't all agree, but the controller will continually play the 'devils advocate' position in hopes of you throwing up your hands and saying,"Fine!", which is a mistake for you but great for them. If your date or the person you're in a relationship with leaves you feeling bad about yourself and confused as to why, and wondering why they seem OK when you're unhappy, you probably have a very toxic, self-centered person on your hands.

Just trust your gut instinct when it comes to dating. It's better to be happy and single than yoked to some miserable, angry little tyrant-child in an adult body.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How do you know when your guy Friend is interested in you more then just friends??
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:31:18 AM
She is invited too but might not show up?

And you're perfectly ok with being his back-up plan, the second choice? Yeah, sounds like a marvelous friendship. He must be a great musician because he's playing you like a fiddle.

If this woman does show up, you can look forward to an evening of being the third wheel and watching them go off into the night together. If she doesn't, maybe he'll get nice and drunk so he can pretend you are who he really wants.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Is it a bad thing if a guy wants to be her knight?
Posted: 1/25/2009 1:29:22 PM
Maybe your problem is really coming more from your general attitude, revealed more in your last sentence, than in your desire to play the knight.

For one, even wanting to play the knight so soon into dating reflects the chance that you think women are weak, defenseless little things. If women pick up on this attitude, they may suspect you think you can think better for themselves than they can. Big no-no.

For two, it smacks just a little bit of an uncaring attitude. You don't care what it is that bugs them about your Knightly role, YOU think they SHOULD like it. It's self-centered and childish to assume that that women you date should by default find what you value more important than what they do.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
how many years my senior?
Posted: 1/25/2009 1:24:22 PM
Maybe they just think you're hot and/or maybe they can brag about the young lover on the side to their friends. Some women get in tune with their sexuality and drives later than earlier, are disinclined to put as much weight anymore on 'what others think' or care about the opinions of total strangers, etc etc. It's not a big deal and don't let it boost your ego too much. Be complimented, that's normal, but it's safe to assume you're not the only younger guy they've flirted with or ever will.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
When do you bring up a health issue?
Posted: 1/25/2009 1:15:42 PM
I agree that it depends on the health issue.

If it's something that can impact the other persons health if the relationship becomes intimate and/or serious, then the person who does not have the health issue should be told much sooner than later. Herpes or HIV comes to mind. It's manipulative to 'wait till someone likes you' before telling them about such health issues that have the potential to be shared.

OTHO, if it's diabetes or or something like that, there's not as much moral weight on the bearers shoulders because the condition isn't directly threatening the other persons physical health.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 549 (view)
 
Never Cheated and Never Will? Claim it &Tell Us Why..?
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:18:47 PM
I think one of the problems is that not everyone has the same idea of what "cheating" actually is. Some people think cheating is if you are having an ongoing affair, or sleep with one person more than once. Some people think getting a lap dance is not cheating, or making out with one of the male strippers is not cheating, or that oral sex only is not cheating, or if they're married but separated and sleep with someone other than whom they're legally married to; that they are not cheating or that if though they may be engaged to someone else, they're not actually cheating by sleeping with someone else until they're legally married.

Someone mentioned dating several people at once. I don't think that's cheating. Unless and until there's been a clear discussion that the two parties are exclusive with each other, then there's nothing to bind them to each other and no contract, verbal or written, that they've 'broken' by cheating.

The problems arise when two people in a relationship are not grown up enough to have honest discussions about what it is they believe and what it is they want. Too much is assumed or taken for granted.

It would be more interesting to first define what cheating is, or is not, and THEN ask everyone wether or not they've ever cheated
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Women bragging like men, do they?
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:45:53 PM
I dislike generalizations altogether. Some women brag, some don't. Some men do, some don't. We're not all the same because we share the same gender identifiers.

That said....I have had gal pals who DID brag in great detail about their conquests and how they were and how they were put together. I attributed this to some need to feed their over sized egos even more. I have other friends who are a bit more like myself and tend to stick to the moral code of "Don't kiss and tell.".
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Lossing interest ... quick.
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:19:54 PM
It might not be maturity nor indifference so much as you having described yourself as highly creative. Highly creative people need other folks around with something more than the weather on their minds.

Anything rote or routine is going to bore the socks off you. I would tend to agree more with those who suggest you simply stay or get involved with those things you find interesting and increase the potential for meeting someone you really click with in a way that works for you both.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Have you been approached by someone 15yrs older than you to go on a date?
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:08:36 PM
"... even when they go to sit and enjoy their coffee that once or twice I will look over just to observe my surroundings which could confuse him for me having interest."

Whoa. Backup a minute...

YOU are not responsible for either confusing him nor making him think you have an interest when you've never said so to him and, conversely, actually speak and behave with all of your customers the same way.

There ARE some pervy dudes out there who, for a litany of reasons, are incapable of forming normal relationships with women in their own peer group. It's not just about physical attraction. It's often because they are emotionally stunted on some level. And they are more prone to fantasy thinking ( i.e. they don't even grasp you as an individual so much as a younger entity that will worship them in some fashion ). But even this is not your concern when it comes to rebuffing anyones interest in YOU. HE had the interest in YOU. You didn't initiate nor 'do' anything so stop excusing him and blaming yourself for HIS behavior. Start down that path of thinking, and you'll be 'forgiving'/rationalizing/ justifying the behavior of OTHERS and blaming yourself time and time again. Don't fall into that trap and don't trust anyone who would let you.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Too smart to get a date
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:57:21 AM
OK. Suddenly I have a suspicion that it has nothing to do with your intelligence at all.

I just noticed on your profile that your profession is listed as 'writer slinging pizza'.

Is it possible that you and she had started a digital dialogue BEFORE she read your profile? Or, at least actually paid attention to the details of it? Is it possible she caught the profession part and thought,"Whoops! This guy's X years and works in a pizza shop maybe? Yeah....time to bail.". I don't mention this to embarass or insult but rather as, perhaps, a more probable explanation but she felt uncomftorable pointing it out. Better to say you're "too smart" than perhaps what she was REALLY thinking ;)
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
What do you consider social drinking??
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:46:45 AM
Social drinking, for me, means having had the unfortunate luck to have found myself in the company of people who are drinking.

I'm not sure why so many men drink to excess, but they are disgustingly unattractive to me. Booze up Brad Pitt or Ashton Kutcher or any other famous beefcake you can think of and for me they're immediately transformed into toothless, fat trolls that smell like rotten eggs.

I mean, a grown man stumbling around, slurring, unintelligible, cross eyed, foul spirited, stupidly obnoxious, and on the verge of throwing up is not exactly my idea of sexy. Even less so of being worthy of respect or thought of as intelligent.

I've never seen any guy drunk who also looked attractive. And since the above seems to be the outcome of 'social drinking' 9 times out of 10, my social life does not include clubs and/or bars and/or anything where the majority are likely to be drinking.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Too smart to get a date
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:34:15 AM
Sorry, but I think your reply was 1) too long and 2) too defensive.

You may not like the reason you were rejected, but this woman is entitled to her feelings without justification nor apology. She gave you both. Yet your reply is a slight attempt to overcome her objection. "...but you ought to reserve judgement until you've met and talked to me."

She's not obligated to meet you nor speak with you anymore than she already has. Why can't you simply be an adult and accept that she has no further interest in you and leave it at that? A more mature response might've been,"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I understand. Thanks for explaining and I wish you sincere luck in the future."

The end.


Because that's what she's saying she wants and that's what she's saying she feels. You don't know each other nearly well enough to excuse trying to talk each other out of feeling anything.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 111 (view)
 
unnoticed flirting signs by women
Posted: 1/3/2009 2:05:18 PM
I've seen plenty of platonic people of opposite genders act in all the ways you mention Jarbarian, and it wasn't flirting or any kind of 'i want you' message going on. Sometimes people act like that when they're goof friends and comftorable with each other.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 195 (view)
 
A Touch of Grey
Posted: 1/3/2009 7:43:20 AM
For me, it's not the color of a mans hair that makes him 'distinguised', but rather his behavior. And just going by looks, grey/silver hair only suggests that they are old. Not that there's anything wrong with getting old, there's not. But I would no more assume a man is 'distinguised' based on his hair color than I would assume if he had a flat stomach that he's also a really nice guy
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is there a way or just forget it.
Posted: 11/29/2008 9:04:30 PM
There are way more important things in Life, yours too hopefully, to be concerned about besides fitted sheets. I deal with them the same way you do. I don't have time to fight with them or memorize Martha Stewart techniques for getting all things perfect Just get yourself a 'fitted sheet' drawer or cabinet and stuff 'em on in there.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 45 (view)
 
The age of 50 watershed for dating.
Posted: 11/29/2008 8:42:32 PM
Naw, it's not you so much as that there's a huge supply of younger men who tend not to have some of the erm, 'issues' that older guys have. Generally speaking, younger guys aren't crippled by failed marriages and many kid issues and the bitterness that a lot of men over 50 tend to feel about nearly everyone and everything. Just try to be FUN and positive because it's that bitter, snipey attitude that so many guys in your age bracket have that turn off women.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Is it Fair to Dump Someone That Has Herpes...
Posted: 11/16/2008 7:31:13 PM
DO NOT THROW THIS KIND OF INFO AT PEOPLE **IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT!!** or wait till you're sure they like you before 'confessing'. It's the behavior of a cruel, self-serving, manipulative coward.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Do i want too much????
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:35:00 PM
DON'T play this game any longer with him and, btw, you have every right to 'push him' at this point. It's not like you both live on opposite sides of the country.

Exchanging information about yourself ( where i grew up, went to school, my favorite color etc etc ) is NOT the same as achieved intimacy by being together. The written word, even the phone, leaves a heckuva lot more out of the equation than it puts in.

Spend more than half the time you've spent on this guy getting to know other men in the real world. Meet them here, fine, but then MEET them safely ASAP. Right now, you are an interesting distraction from whatever or whoever with this guy, but no matter what he says I'd bet 10 to 1 what he calls 'scared' is 'scared of being found out'. If he thought you were so wonderful, believe me, you would've never needed to post this thread.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
should i email her or not?
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:17:00 PM
I know you don't want to bother her at work but you should include that in your email to her. You don't have to make up a story about this. Simply tell her how you came about her email addy and why. "This is Mr.X and I don't mean to intrude, but I forgot to ask for your number the other night when I saw you. The only way I could figure out how to reach you, was to run a search to find an email address and this is the only one that came up and I also recognized it was your workplace...." etc etc etc etc... Include your home number ( she'll already have your email addy when you write ) and, obviously, let her know you'd like to get together with her in the next week if possible.

If she's freaked out by or annoyed, then you were wrong and she's NOT 'into you'. Better to know now anyway.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Emails her again?
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:07:26 PM
I understand the knee jerk reaction to write this person off, and will admit to the bias in my reply here and now, but what we take as something personal, isn't always that way.

I have a really unpredictable schedule and am not always around a computer and when I am, sometimes too tired to get on it and other priorities intrude. And I agree that if there was a strong interest between you two for the same thing, ( that's important btw, but an obvious point missed on more than a few people sometimes ), that you should've taken your communication to the phone for the purpose of setting up a day/time to meet. People too often get caught up in the pen-pal thing for too long.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
a lil help
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:06:43 PM
WHY don't you just ask HER why she got into bed naked with you? Maybe she was attracted to you. That doesn't make her a slut. She's a normal female with normal desires like anyone else. Just ask if she'd step aside from your group for a minute and tell her up front you don't want to embarass her or pressure her but are confused about what she wanted and what she thought you should have done that night. She very well might have felt rejected. And if she didn't she'll tell you. And at some point, if she seems receptive to it, let her know without too much pressure that you like her and would like to go out. At least with this approach you'll get more of a feel for where she's at with you and she'll know you had the decency not to pretend.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
breaking the ice
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:01:35 PM
Um, how about actually reading their profile and referencing something in that and then stating your intent or hope.

e.g. "Hi, I read your profile and really liked what you said about X and think we have Y in common. I'd like to communicate with you and if you'd rather not, that's perfectly OK but I'd really appreciate just a reply with 'no thanks' or something if you don't mind."

It's better than 'hey, wanna talk or sumpin'?'
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:51:51 PM
The only thing that was 'wrong'was giving the guy one more break than he should've recieved.

He's a schlub. You blew him off. Good move
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How do you get out of the horriable just a friend?
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:11:09 PM
I knew a guy in a situation like yours. And he created it all by himself.

At NO POINT when he first met the woman did he ever, ever DIRECTLY ask her out nor tell her that he'd like to date her or that he was attracted to her. He was very passive-aggressive about it all, which only gave off 'vibes'. He eluded to things indirectly, did a lot of creepy grinning and staring, found reasons to spend time with her without ever really making his intentions plain and ASSUMED a whole heckuva lot about hers. He never once found his spine and said a thing directly. Guess what? Either spit it or quit it. If you're not going to say what you're thinking and assume some magical fairy will tell her for you, then you're going to get filtered in her mind into the friends zone and often, as others have said, it's a zone you'll never escape from. At best, she might use you occasionally but you'll never really mean very much to her. So, instead of telling all of us about this you should've sacked up and told her. But you've never done that yet with her, so why start now - right?

Take it as a lesson and don't take the wishful thinking path again where a woman is concerned.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:24:45 AM
Big deal. You basically slept with a skank and now he's actually ACTING like one? Wow, huge surprise huh?

If you want a relationship, say so before you have sex. If you just want a quick lay, use safe sex, have your fun, and move on. So what if he hasn't called you? Why in the world would you even care what he wants or thinks at this point? You don't owe him that depth of consideration. And if his not calling bothers you, then call HIM and get your question answered.

This isn't the Dark Ages anymore no matter how many intimidated or puritanical mindsets there may be still lurking around in a modern world. Sex is very easily had and someone who wants that isn't going to put up with any "I won't have sex with you because..." games. Wanting sex doesn't make anyone 'good' or 'bad' either. Where people trip up is lieing first to themselves, then to others. This isn't rocket science. Nor is it the movies, where people make instant, life changing encounters and get married to the love of their lives in an hour.

If you want that, move to Vegas.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:02:33 AM
Your answer is completely out of context with the OP's question. If you want a thread to vent all your inner angst and hositility about women, why not just make your own?
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 242 (view)
 
older guys younger women
Posted: 9/29/2008 7:04:14 PM
^ I understand what you're saying above and agree with much of it, however, your answer is based on an assumption that women who date younger men do so looking for a long term relationship. Not all women have a long term goal for every relationship. My friends that like dating younger men aren't making any assumptions about the future. They aren't interested in any uncessary drama, nor are particularly interested in marriage at this point. The common complaint is that guys their own age or MORE immature and complicated than younger men and tolerating them has far fewer rewards.

BTW, I know two couples where the guy is much younger than the woman and they've been together for years. Any social issues were dealt with honestly and openly between them from the start to avoid potential resentment or misunderstanding down the road. Are they the norm? Probably not and I'm not saying they should be. But they are happy.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:44:37 PM
Are you serious?

One of the aspects of a parents job is to raise offspring who CAN leave the nest and provide for themselves. Itis NOT a parents job to raiase you after you're completely capable of feeding and housing yourself.

Choosing or refusing to leave the nest is a sign of developmental retardation. NORMAL parents would feel like they failed you on some level if you kept hanging around and likely also worry there was somehting handicapped about you emotionally that they missed while you were growing up. Something that should've been professionally addressed.

The benefit of living one your own is a sense of honest self-respect every monring you wake up and every night you go to bed, knowing you have accepted the responsibilities and freedom of adulthood. Not running to mommy and daddy every time you get into trouble or get yourself in a mess. Instead, you get yourself out of FIRST. You deal with your own problems instead of continually pawning them off on your aging parents, who are moving to a time in their lives they have earned to be more selfish than when you were a child, and they had to make sacrifices for your sake. Repay them by leaving and handling yourself like an adult.

The benfit of living alone is that you are establishing your own household now, so that means YOU make the rules, not anyone else. It's your space and you can move in it at will and as you like.

IMHO, these are answers any reasonable adult should comprehend and understand. If you're not an adult, I think you're on the wrong site
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Profiles?
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:22:13 PM
1) They're location. I'm not interested in a LDR at all.
2) I actually read profiles. If they write,"I'll finish this later..." and never do or don't bother to write more than a few sentences, I pass them up as quickly as it takes to blink. OTOH, if they took some time and put some thought into it, I consider what they said and how they said it to spark my interest.
3) I look to see if they took any of the personality tests. It indicates seriousness about meeting someone compatible or not.
4) Yep, I do look at mail settings. If they don't have any filter or only one, and their filters indicate they're fine with things that I'm not, I pass them up.

I only look at the pics if they're there and 90% of the time think some of the fellows here are totally lacking in common sense. If they are careless enough to post pictures of minors in pictures with themselves ( I don't care if it's their kids or not...it's a wildly irresponsible thing to do ! ), if they are standing next to their car or boat I move on ( I don't care about your stupid car or boat and that you think women might means you don't have much respect for women in general ), way, way too many guys post dark, fuzzy pics or pics of themselves wearing dark glasses ( gee, married much? LOL ), etc etc. So, no, I don't really care about pics very much and ones like I mentioned well..I wish they'd not have posted them at all LOL

I like a great looking man as much as the next woman. But if a guy is what you'd call 'average' looking, I wouldn't necessarily dismiss him. It would depend way more on how he constructed his profile.
 
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