what do women want in bed??????????? chat & forums.

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Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

what do women want in bed??????????? Posted: 5/29/2009 8:21:45 PM
Slow down. Period.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Are you afraid of widow(er )s??? Posted: 5/29/2009 8:18:23 PM
Only if they have the plague. LOL

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 118 (view)

Would you continue seeing someone if you found out they're really sick? Posted: 5/29/2009 8:01:33 PM
It would not deter me.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

Seperated but not divorced Posted: 5/29/2009 8:00:05 PM
Spelling 101: "s-e-p-a-r-a-t-e-d". Sorry it just hurt my eyes seeing it spelled incorrectly in every other post. I will not date someone who is separated. It makes life easier. I don't have to question them or convince them to go through with a divorce.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

I think I need some help... Which is the best way? Posted: 5/17/2009 10:32:14 PM
She has pulled away. You should also. Period.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 129 (view)

Almost a Pretty Woman scenario... Posted: 5/17/2009 10:26:58 PM
OP, keep in mind that she may look up to you as a parental figure and once she feels you love her, it may free her to move on to other adventures. That's an "if". Who knows? Love is always a risk.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 61 (view)

Trust Issues ... what do you do? Posted: 5/17/2009 10:21:36 PM
I wonder that myself, OP. I am a little gunshy after my last relationship a year ago with someone who turned out to be pretty untrustworthy. I took a year hiatus from dating altogether, and now I just develop friendships first. Sounds like you may not be ready to date. The positives should outweigh the negatives. I also do intensive meditation and introspection to find out why I attracted certain men in the past. I want to make sure that when I start dating again, it is for the right reasons and with the right type of people. You don't need a therapist to do this, but you have to ask yourself the hard questions and wait till you get the answers.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Am I expecting too much? Posted: 5/17/2009 10:02:30 PM
I had a very wise old uncle who rarely ever talked. But one day he told me something about relationships. He said that the little things that bother you in the beginning will become big things later on. This has turned out to be true for me. I think if you cannot live with him the way he is, leave. It's unfair to try and change him, and it probably won't work anyway.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Would I be considered old fashioned? Posted: 5/17/2009 9:52:12 PM
I must be old fashioned too. I think if everyone took a little time with dating, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 99 (view)

She doesn't like her so I'm not suppose to either. Does that sound right? Posted: 5/17/2009 9:49:59 PM
I didn't read all the posts on this thread but here is my two cents: You love your girlfriend but she is a little insecure. A good way to explain your friendship with your ex with someone who is insecure is to tell her that some people do not do well as marriage partners but are best suited to be friends. Then remind her that she is the one you love and choose to be with. The other side of the story is to make sure you are not short-changing your girlfriend on your time and attention. If her perception is that you are paying more attention to your ex than to her, you're doomed. We also don't know why your girlfriend doesn't like your ex. For instance if your ex is trying to break up your relationship or win you back, or something similar, your girlfriend may have a legitimate complaint.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

Is she being UNAPPRECIATIVE? or is it me? Posted: 5/17/2009 9:27:25 PM
You mentioned you are mostly dating Indian girls. Could it be a cultural thing? Just asking, and I'm surprised that hasn't come up yet.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Getting your ex back who list interest - How did you do it? Posted: 5/17/2009 9:23:56 PM
There was a very wise member here last year who posted a very inspired post on how to win your ex back. It was so inspired that I saved it for others to read. Here it is (I'm just the messenger): ************************************************************************* Ok, here's some information I have gathered about second chances. Now, understand that even under ideal conditions, the odds of a second chance actually working is about 5%. The odds go up, however, if you keep the following information in mind. (Disclaimer: I'm not a relationship expert. I will say that I have read, studied, talked to countless "so called experts" and see first hand what works and what doesn't. There is no guarantee if you following my guideline you will win your ex back. Some people are able to move on from a failed relationship quite easily, others are not. These are my theories (and theories from others) and as such, will have variations depending upon the circumstances.) 1. LET GO: Yes, I said LET GO. No matter how much you love and care for your ex, as long as you stay attached to them and are hoping/praying for a second chance, you will not follow the rest of the guideline and heal completely unless you first truly let go. The reason for this is allow your heart to heal, to focus on self-reflection and improvement and to get your mind and body in a state of happiness. No second chance will work if you are still pining and miserable over losing your ex. 2. NO CONTACT: That means exactly what it says. For the first month or two, you must never contact your ex under any circumstances. If you do, you will have to start the process over again. That means no emails/text/drunk dialing, etc. Now, that doesn't mean if they contact you that you should never reply (chose wisely) but if you do, make sure to keep any replies short, sweet and to the point. Take your time before replying, even several days. It's good to sleep on an email before replying so you have a clear head and are not replying with a ton of emotion. Never discuss the relationship during your healing phase and above all, DO NOT STALK YOUR EX. Do not try and find information about them. Whatever is going on in their life, you can't handle the information right now. Stay away from their web pages, blogs, etc. Don't talk to mutual friends (trust me, they will share any negative comments) Ignorance is bliss. Don't focus on who they are with and what they are doing. It will only torture you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and while they may be living it up with the new person in their life, chances are it's a rebound for them as well. It may take up to six months to a year for their new person's bad side to show through. In the meantime if you screw it up by clinging to them, bad mouthing them or otherwise stalking them, you will only serve to push them away even further. If you share a child with an ex, complete NC will be hard. Any conversations with your ex should focus on the child(ren) and remain, short, sweet and to the point. Absolutely no talk about the relationship. Remember that any conversations with your ex should be a pleasurable one. That is what they will remember. If you are constantly arguing with them or otherwise trying to cling to them and force them back to you, you will make it a painful experience and that is what they will associate with you. Happy/Fun/Pleasurable is good. Arguing/Clinging/Whining/Crying is very, very bad. 3. DO NOT BE FRIENDS: It is impossible to be friends with someone you are deeply in love with. It just won't work. All it will do is show your ex that you will accept second class treatment (in which any respect you had at that point from them will be lost). In addition it will delay your healing process. The longer you cling to hope, the longer it will take for you to truly let go and complete the healing process. I realize to some degree this is counter to your goal, winning them back, but is essential. Your ex doesn't want you all broken and shattered. Have you ever met someone on the rebound and dated them? If so, it probably didn't last long as you saw yourself feeling sorry for them. Their lack of confidence and self-respect is not attractive. Respect precedes love and you can not respect someone who doesn't respect themselves first. Also keep in mind you can not expect someone to love someone who doesn't love themself. And you can not make someone happy if you can not make yourself happy. Remember, all the good/healthy feelings you want your ex to feel about you will only come if you feel them about yourself first - and believe it. 4. FOCUS ON YOU: Allow for the normal grieving process, of course. How long it takes it completely dependent on you. The period of NO CONTACT will go a long way toward helping you focus on yourself and your healing. It doesn't matter what your ex is doing right now or who they are seeing. You need to let go of things you have no control over and unfortunately in your case, you are no longer dating so all you have left is you. 5. RE-ACQUAINT YOURSELF WITH FRIENDS: Pick up your phone book or email list and start making contact with friends you haven't hung out with lately. Get out of the house and go hang out with them. Right now you're feeling down and out and a little quality time with your friends will go a long way towards healing your spirit. Do talk about the relationship with them if you wish, but don't dwell on it. If they are friends with your ex, realize anything you say (good or bad) will get back to them. Focus more on what they did to get over and ex and listen to any positive advice they give you. Primarily though you want to invest the time with friends to get your mind OFF your ex and more on fun and bonding. Make new friends as well. 6. GET TO THE GYM: It's a proven fact that no drug works better at getting someone out of depression faster than endorphins. I do not believe the old adage "The best way to get over someone is to get UNDER someone else." If your head is not in the right place, some meaningless sex will only make you miss the ex even more. While you have the feeling of being lonely, sex isn't the answer. At least not right now. Companionship is what you are missing and in the interim, talk to you friends and work out. 7. DIVE INTO HOBBIES: Now that you have some free time on your hands, rather than sitting around at home feeling sorry for yourself, engage your mind. Do something you've always wanted to do as a hobby. Fly model airplanes, take up hiking or mountain climbing, start biking, take a college course in computers, play video games. Your mind can usually only focus on one thing at one time. Keeping your mind engaged on hobbies will take it off your ex. 8. PUT THE DRINK/DRUGS DOWN: Yes, it's ok to occasionally go out with friends and have a drink, but don't over-do it. Drinking heavily leads to depression which will not only delay your healing process, but quite possibly throw you into an un-recoverable downward spiral. Not only that but it will put you out of shape and you will lose any gains from working out. 9. REBUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM: It's normal to be dumped and have your self-esteem and confidence take a hit. Those who recover the fastest are those who have the strongest self of self-worth. Many relationships end in failure and not all of us were meant to be together. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you focus on your needs and rebuild your confidence and self-esteem, the sooner you will recover - and be stronger. 10. UNDERSTAND WHAT WENT WRONG: Instead of focusing on what your Ex did to cause the demise of the relationship, focus on learning a lesson and improving where you can. If you became clingy, then rebuild your confidence. Understand that you don't NEED someone in your life. You can and will live fine without them. You must never NEED someone, only want them. I can not emphasize personal improvement enough. Almost every aspect of our life in regards to success can be directly attributed to our confidence and self-esteem. At healthy levels, we will find much success in everything we do. When the levels are below healthy, we often find failure. Not because of the situation, but because of how we viewed ourselves. If you are a clingy guy, some essential reading: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and any of "David DeAngelo's" stuff. Pay less attention to the pickup lines and focus on his insistence on confidence and self-esteem. He's dead right on everything he says in regards to confidence. Remember boys: No woman respects a man who constantly kisses her ass. The same can be said of women. If you kiss a mans ass, he will lose interest in you quickly. You must have mutual respect for each other and that can not be had with ass-kissing. 11. LEARN BOUNDARIES: Boundaries are essential for anyone with healthy confidence, self respect and self-esteem. Learn to make boundaries clear from the start of a relationship and have repercussions for crossing them. When you set a boundary, it is imperative for you to follow through on your actions. If you make it clear to someone you are dating that if they say they are going to meet you somewhere at a certain time and don't, make it clear it better not happen again. People whom you allow to cross your boundaries with no repercussions will lose respect for you and continue to cross them. Remember again, RESPECT PRECEDES LOVE. Without respect, there can not be love. Read "Love Must Be Tough" for more information on boundaries and why they are essential. Boundaries are not just for relationships. They are essential at home, at work and throughout your life. 12. NEVER TELL YOURSELF NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU: That's a self-defeatist attitude that not only will keep you down, but is just outright WRONG. There is someone out there that will love you in the way you want. You just have to find them. And you certainly won't find them if you are wallowing in self-doubt and pity. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps! You have plenty to live for and while no one likes to go through a bad breakup, it's almost an essential part of life. How else are you going to learn the lessons of love without going through the hard knocks? Trust me, as long as you learn something from the relationship and self-improvement you are almost guaranteed greater success the next time. You will have learned valuable lessons to guide your future relationships. And, if you have rebuilt your confidence and self-esteem you will naturally attract those with the same qualities. Remember (especially guys) that attraction while initially might be based on looks will never last without you have strong confidence and self-esteem. However, you can attract and keep a great woman in your life without having great looks, as long as you do have strong confidence and self-esteem. 13. ACCEPT THAT SOME THINGS JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE: Keep in mind that you may follow this guideline to a "T" and in the end and still the may never come back. Some people are just not meant to be together. But don't get discouraged. Use this experience to guide all future relationships. How much do you love your ex? Do you love them enough to want them to be happy even if it's not with you? To me, that is the true test of love. Not only do you love them unconditionally, warts and all, but that you want them to be happy with or without you. There is someone out there for you, but until your confidence and self-esteem is at healthy levels, until your life is full of happiness and fun, until you realize that you have to be happy before you can make anyone else happy, you won't find them. People with all those positive attributes don't have to look for a mate, they usually find them ;)

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Warning women about piercings? yes or no Posted: 5/17/2009 9:18:21 PM
I only have one question, OP. Why?

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

What Women Want: The Measure of a Male Partner Posted: 5/17/2009 9:16:35 PM
I once made a list of things I wanted in a man. There were about 27 things on the list. Later I met a man who had every single quality on the list, and I fell really hard for him. Then I found out he was married and lying about it. Apparently, I forgot to list "single" as the 28th quality! LOL. So I don't make lists any more. However, would be great if the guy were a gentlemen and really liked animals. I mean really really because I have cats and ... uh... snakes. LOL

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

Do you ever wonder if what people are looking for is a 20 year relationship overnight? Posted: 5/17/2009 9:07:50 PM
I agree. I don't know what's up with McRelationships to go. Everyone wants one right away. That's why I only list "seeking friends" in my profile.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

need help please Posted: 5/17/2009 9:01:55 PM
Funny, I once met someone online who lived in Las Vegas (I am in Colorado). We visited in person for a weekend after getting to know each other by phone and email for 6 weeks. He was also a bit younger than me, so we had 2 strikes against us. We developed really strong feelings for each other but neither of us were in a position to travel. .The age difference was also a factor, so it ended, breaking my heart in the process. So the obvious answer is if you are willing to fly out there a few times to get to know her and eventually relocate (or she can relocate), then go for it. I don't know about you, but for me, those kinds of connections are few and far between.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Doing the right thing...what would you do? Posted: 5/17/2009 8:56:11 PM
I would have called, and I would have done it anonymously.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

What is This Posted: 5/17/2009 8:47:39 PM
I'm very independent and don't imagine sharing my space with someone. But I know it would change if I met the right person.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 130 (view)

Yup. Posted: 5/17/2009 8:44:23 PM
I was chatting with a guy once for a month or two that I really liked. I noticed over the course of the 2 months, he had sent two roses, and none of them to me. He acted like he really liked me, but it definitely made me wonder. I think this function should be private. I see absolutely no benefit to having this public.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

I need a push, please help. Posted: 5/17/2009 8:37:47 PM
Here's the problem. You feel bonded to him, so it is painful to leave. I know women who MARRIED men who repeatedly cheated, verbally abused them (like your has done to you), lied to them, and took them for thousands--sometimes hundreds of thousands, then discarded them and left them penniless. And yet they still long for the guy! Listen to your head on this one, OP.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Does finding out a person has started smoking bother you? Posted: 5/17/2009 8:31:44 PM
It would have to be a really special guy for me to put up with smoking, as I'm allergic to it. I dated one guy I really liked who smoked, and we worked around it, so it wasn't too terrible. But he never tried to mislead me. I have a zero tolerance for lying. That would be more of my concern.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

Am I crazy??????? Posted: 5/11/2009 6:47:29 PM
You're not crazy, OP. I think you're just wasting your time. And I mean this in the friendliest of ways....please introduce yourself to punctuation.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 79 (view)

Difference in IQ - your experiences? Posted: 5/11/2009 6:45:20 PM
I think at first it could work, but after a while you may start to feel some dissonance. No reason you couldn't spend more time around her and just find out. You may be able to get your intellectual fix elsewhere and just have a wonderful, loving relationship with her.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Not a relationship problem but I need some advice please. Posted: 5/11/2009 6:41:53 PM
You are 27? Patience is a virtue, grasshoppa. Enjoy the energy you feel from this woman. It is mirroring a part of yourself to you. You can enjoy her company and enjoy the energy without rushing things.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Confused relationship ending?????? Posted: 5/11/2009 6:34:44 PM
OP, He cares for you but does not want a committed relationship. I think he is exactly what he says he is (yay for honesty). I think you want someone who is willing to commit to you and make you a priority in his life. This man is not it. As painful as it is, you need to make a clean break while he is in Africa. There is always the slight chance that once he realizes what he lost, he will regret his choice. But you can only move on and look ahead. There is someone better for you out there. There are men out there who want to commit. I don't know where they are, but they're out there.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

More important... self respect or companionship? Posted: 12/5/2008 2:19:12 PM
Wow, that was a nasty comment from message 16, and not even directed toward the person who was asking for help! I believe we all draw our beliefs and opinions from our life experiences, whether they be good or bad. And to say it another way, I personally prefer to date people who are honest. If I start dating someone and catch them in a lie or two, I'm done. Is it what I learned from past experiences and from reading about dangerous partners? Damn straight! There is no shame in learning from past experiences what to stay away from. I think this is especially true for those of us who are very compassionate and tend to give others the benefit of the doubt.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

what do i do? Posted: 12/2/2008 8:56:12 PM
Jessiebear, my overall impression of reading your post is that you are both young and neither of you really knows yourselves very well. I think you should let him go, as painful as it is (you don't really have a choice anyway) and focus some time on developing your career and interests. He also has not separated from his parents emotionally yet, and so probably is not ready for a mature relationship. He doesn't really know who he is yet, and you have to let him go so he can find out. He may regret his decision, or he may move on. The only choice you have is to move on. This will be very painful, and I'm sorry for your pain. But you will come out of it a stronger person.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

More important... self respect or companionship? Posted: 12/2/2008 8:40:54 PM
Granted, my opinion may be a little biased because the last guy I dated was a pathological liar. I have been reading up on these types of people. My studies have led me to a book called "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout. Here is what Stout has to say about liars. (I am paraphrasing). One lie, and it could be a misunderstanding. Two lies, and there may be a serious issue. Three lies, and you should start thinking this person might be a sociopath, because pathological lying is the underpinning of the sociopathic personality. Personally, I think you did the right thing. Good for you.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 428 (view)

WHY ARE WOMEN OVER 30 A FAILURE WHEN THEY ARE SINGLE AND CHILDLESS? Posted: 11/30/2008 7:48:20 PM
What a silly question! Who says they are a failure? Last I heard, Mother Theresa was over 30 and childless. I suppose there are some who might consider her a failure........

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

Not married by 30, will it happen, ever? Posted: 11/30/2008 7:45:21 PM
This is where your thoughts can be very powerful. Don't fall into the age trap and that conventional way of thinking. There is a huge benefit to getting older and that is being freer to be who you are. Pursue the things you love and don't worry about whether you'll get married or not. I know someone who married for the first time at 50.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Redefining priorities at 30+ Posted: 11/30/2008 7:42:44 PM
I now look for relationships that are based on true friendship. In my younger, more experimental years, I was more interested in adventure and would just go where the wind blew me. The more you know yourself, the more you have to offer as a partner, and the more you demand.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

What is this? Posted: 11/30/2008 7:39:37 PM
I think you said you have known this woman for 6 years, and she is your neighbor? I think it may be awkward for her suddenly getting all this attention from you, and she's not sure how she feels. It's too bad you still cannot be friends as you always were. Sometimes it's just hard to cross that line, even if you may be the best thing that's ever happened to her.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

what did i do Posted: 11/30/2008 7:30:52 PM
Sounds like there are two things going on here. 1) He still has feelings for his ex. If I was interested in a guy who told me that, I would back off. Way off. 2) Guys like a challenge. If you're doing everything for him, he is probably starting to think of you more as a mom and less as an attractive woman.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Did he fake sincerity? Posted: 11/30/2008 7:23:20 PM
Yes, it has happened to me, and I hope your guy is not like mine was. Mine came on strong for the first three weeks, very similar to yours. Then suddenly he started missing calls and dates and having a "very stressful situation" going on in his life. The stressful situation turned out to be his "wife". The other stressful situation was that he was faking medical symptoms to get out of the army with a full pension. Little of what he told me had been the truth, and the whole relationship was a fake. Beware of broken promises, missed calls, and his stories just not adding up. If you see any of these things, run for the hills. But if he's just a normal guy dealing with stuff in his life, just back off and get busy with his own life. If he really likes you, he will eventually come around and let you know what's going on. Don't chase him. I hope I haven't scared you.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 862 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 11/30/2008 7:10:34 PM
I don't think it's true, BTW, that borderlines have no conscience. Whoever said that is thinking of sociopaths, who as a group, have no empathy and no moral conscience.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 861 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 11/30/2008 7:09:09 PM
If you do a google search for "Borderline Personality Disorder", you will find much information on how to deal with it if you're a loved one. Basically, these people feel pain and abandonment deeply. Imagine the time you felt most abandoned and multiply it by 1000. This is the way they feel all the time. That is why so many of them cut themselves or do other self-destructive things. They have not found their identity yet, so deep was the invalidation they received as children of their feeling or expression. They are often unable to validate themselves and so cannot ever fully grieve their losses or handle stress effectively. There is a form of group therapy called DBT that is supposed to work very well for this type of personality. If you are involved with a BPD, help them find a therapist who is familiar with this. The condition is 100% treatable. The main thing you can do is to validate their feelings. Do not make them feel crazy. There is a reason for their behaviors. And find a support group of your own so you don't get burned out. The burnout level is very high for people who work with borderlines. But borderlines can be amazing people with great depth and sensitivity, once they get a handle on their lives.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Feeling a numb feeling after a break up Posted: 11/30/2008 7:01:25 PM
The numbness is shock, one of the stages of grieving. You can also expect to go through anger, grief, and finally acceptance. Oh, there is supposed to be a bargaining phase in there, too. Sometimes you might jump around from one to the other and back again. Give yourself some time. If you're not ready, you're not ready. When you're ready to date, you will know.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

I have a relationship question. I think I'm nuts. Posted: 10/17/2008 9:45:51 AM
OP, the last guy I dated was also in the military. He had fought in Iraq twice. He also was like a dream to me--everything I ever wanted in a man. Until I found out his was married, and he and his wife were playing the military for a phony medical discharge. Please be careful!!! These types of people are very very charming and will seduce you with your own dreams. They are often drawn to careers like the military where they gain others' trust. And they are major players with the opposite sex. I would hate to see the same thing happen to you that happened to me. I can't stress this enough! I used to be the most trusting person in the world. I never had any bad experiences from the internet. I didn't even meet that guy on a dating site! But those types are very common on dating sites. Even if he is an honest man, there are still issues of compatibility and getting to know each other that you need to take time to check out.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Help me understand him Posted: 10/17/2008 9:26:05 AM
Webweebil, I don't know what your guy's motives are. I can only share from my own experience. This spring I met a man who was 10 years younger than me and very handsome. We fell in love (or so it seemed). I found out a few months later that he was very married and also in the process of defrauding the army out of a phony medical discharge. He was a pathological liar and a sociopath. And yet he acted like a man who was out of his mind in love with me. He treated me like I was gold, and I was very devastated when I found out the truth. It took a while for it to sink in. There were no warning signs at first. The reason I'm sharing this very personal story is that there are people out there who play these games. I don't know if your guy is a game player or not. On the positive side, maybe he does have real feelings? I honestly believe that human heart does not know age and geographical limitations. Of course it is possible that this handsome young man could really be smitten with you. Did you see the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back?" Go watch it. The Latin culture is different than ours. People are much more passionate and open. That doesn't necessarily mean they are all players. Love is always a risk. If he wants to come out and see you, why not let him? Just take it slow. Check out what he tells you, and don't give him any money.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

I think I am too mean. Posted: 9/30/2008 10:29:11 PM
I think you can be assertive and still be tactful. It helps to use "I" statements, such as "I felt put betrayed by your comment" rather than "you are a backstabbing b*tch". Catch the difference there? At work, we all had to learn a set of communication tools called "SBI" (Situation, Behavior, Impact). State the situation, what their behavior was, and the impact it had on you. This will allow you to get your point across without the other person feeling attacked. I don't know how you are mean, so not sure if this helps.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 70 (view)

Masturbating to porn, impotence, Viagra Posted: 9/30/2008 9:38:38 PM
I see everyone is now using the correct spelling of "masturbate". Looks like my job here is done. lol

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Masturbating to porn, impotence, Viagra Posted: 9/29/2008 8:53:14 AM
Guys, since it's the main topic of the thread, how 'bout we spell "masturbate" correctly? Not that you can't be a "master" at it, but then you would be a mastermastubator.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 54 (view)

Masturbating to porn, impotence, Viagra Posted: 9/28/2008 9:20:21 PM
See my last post. The apparatus is functioning fine. The masturbation part is normal. He has some hang-up about being with a real live woman. He probably will need some counseling to figure it out. (I hope the poor guy doesn't ever read this forum or his fate as a celibate monk will be sealed.) You could ask him not to masturbate for a few weeks. This might help your cause.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

He wants to bring wine over Posted: 9/28/2008 9:11:37 PM
And by the way, the quality of the wine has nothing to do with the price. Ever tried Two Buck Chuck?

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

He got my name tattooed on his chest!!!! - Posted: 9/28/2008 5:33:36 PM
These types of men can never be happy with one woman. Even if he did leave his wife and marry you, he would eventually find another woman to cheat with.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Still Heart Broken Posted: 9/28/2008 5:20:52 PM
It is possible that the problems you thought were small were not small to her. We don't really know what her side is but maybe she was unhappy for a long time. You have no choice but to move on. It's really important to have other friends to talk to. Or at least one. If not a friend, a counselor--but somebody besides her. I would break contact with her completely until you feel stronger. I'm sorry for your pain. Break-ups suck.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Purity Balls Posted: 9/28/2008 5:15:12 PM
I think these types of extremes are unhealthy. Those urges do not go away. They may get repressed and come out in destructive ways. It wouldn't surprise me if there was child abuse, porn addiction, etc. in these kinds of cults. People will submit to all kinds of organized rules to avoid being responsible with their own behavior.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

He got my name tattooed on his chest!!!! - Posted: 9/28/2008 5:07:35 PM
No, pathological liars do not change. In fact, if you keep him in your life, he will only hurt and defraud you more. Be thankful he didn't get any of your money. Guys like this will prey on you any way they can. I do understand how charming and convincing these types can be. No contact. Ever. (Personal experience here).

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Shopping (..dating) habits. Posted: 9/28/2008 12:26:15 PM
Never thought about this before, but what a great thread. I am very picky about what I eat and what I wear, though I will shop everywhere from Wal-Mart to Whole Foods to the family-owned middle eastern market for food. I do look for the freshest produce and reach for the milk in the back that has the latest expiration date. For clothing, l shop anywhere from thrift stores to Nordstroms, but am very particular about what clothing I like. This totally translates to tastes in men. My tastes are very eclectic, but I'm very particular in choosing.

Snakewhisperer

Joined: 2/3/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

I lost my soulmate my friend and my lover:( Posted: 9/28/2008 12:15:18 PM
Couples underestimate the stress of stepchildren on a relationship. I've known a few couples who split up over it. If there are any existing issues going on in the single-parent family, they will be exacerbated by the new relationship, and they will affect the relationship. There are specific workshops and counselors who deal with this kind of thing, if you are ever in the situation again. It sounds like your relationship was struggling already, and posting a profile on a dating site was the last thing to put it over the edge (it would not sit well with me either if my partner did this). Please learn from this and don't let the next relationship get to that point before getting help. As for him, with a little time, he may come around. I'm sorry for your loss and your pain. The one thing, though (after rereading your original post), that bothers me about your guy is that he seemed to be jealous of you and your success in life. That is a red flag.

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