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talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

$4 a gallon gas? WTF? What do you think? Posted: 3/4/2008 2:16:11 PM
Hey all. I'd love to throw my 2c worth in on USA "suffering" but somehow I think the thread might get a little off-topic ... However, there's no reason it will stop at $4 and as it's more than that basically everywhere else in the world (incl $10 UK, $8-10 in Europe, $6.50 in Aus... was $4 in Africa 20 years ago !) frankly America may simply be getting it's long overdue incentive to seriously look at more efficient cars, public transport, fuels, energy..and for that matter people. I am not here to America-bash, but with 2/3 of adult Americans now clinically obese (that's double what it was 20 years ago), and consuming as a country 70% or more of the energy used in the world each year, at some point habits are going to have to change, aren't they ? Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Australias dirty little secret Posted: 9/27/2007 8:03:53 PM
Hi All, Don't you wish these "animal rights" (almost an oxymoron in itself !) protestors would actually be willing to have a sensible, rational, logical debate on issues and facts without the need to retort to the attempted blatant manipulation of viewers emotions, and disingenuously moving from supported statements to unsupported innuendo and implication ? At the start of the video we get some facts and figures.. about the percentage of worldwide Merino wool produced by Australia and the number of sheep there and the number of lambs subject annually to "mulesing".. this gives the video the initial appearance of an objective documentary style compilation.. but by the end of the video we have completely unquantified (and unsubstantiated) statements like "many.. most.. many.. many...". We also have one specific incident of a ship taking a clearly non-standard amount of time to make an export journey reported in such a way as to imply it was accepted as standard and perhaps even commonplace. Not only so, but by this point (and in fact throughout the video) we have a whole range of emotive words being used regarding the sheep and their treatment.. words which assume both motive on the part of the humans, and human-like perception on the part of the animals. Am I endorsing cruelty to animals ? Not at all. But it is either incredible ignorance of the Australian outback or an insult to every thinking person to suggest for example that "fly traps" are a suitable alternative to the practice of mulesing ! Is Australia, which in fact has rigorous standards for the transport and slaughter of live sheep somehow responsible for the cruel practices of all the people in all the countries around the world who do not practice stunning animals before killing and butchering them ? How ridiculous. Do I see the OP, and his supporters suggesting that we all stop buying say computers or computer software from US companies because some people in the world abuse those products and use them to aid their criminal or terrorist operations ? Surely what is needed is education programs to enable people in developing countries to understand the same things we do scientifically about animals and the pain they can suffer, and assistance programs to enable them to set up abbatoirs that put into practice humane standards of animal slaughter. However, if you have ever visited or lived in any of these countries where the problems are greatest, then you will know that in many cases there is a long way to go in providing decent living conditions for the PEOPLE, let alone the animals, and there are multiple complex factors (including religious ones) in people's attitudes to animals and animal slaughter and these are going to take many years to change. Suggesting that to solve these complex issues you "avoid buying wool products, especially Australian wool products" as the video does, is thus patently ridiculous, and probably reflects more of the need for the animal rights zealots to feel they have something to fight for, than it does a serious suggestion of what might address the worldwide problem of cruelty to animals by a subset of the population. And my personal challenge to anyone who thinks that "animal rights" is an appropriate cause to which to devote so much energy - you'll have my unquestioned support when I see you showing the same concern for the fact that 10 million human babies in the USA alone are butchered while alive in the most inhumane ways imaginable with complete disregard to the fact that they have sufficiently developed nervous systems at the time to feel pain... yes folks, that's what happens with abortion of a pregnancy.. Do I endorse cruelty to animals ? Of course not, but hey, let's get some perspective here - how about we worry about the baby humans before we expend our life's energy worrying about the sheep ? Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 63 (view)

Bernard Manning has died. Posted: 6/19/2007 4:42:22 AM
I thought he had died yonks ago.. I think it could be argued that his humour certainly SMELT like that Frank Carson has just been interviewed on the news about him and he quite rightly pointed out he wasn't a racist as he told jokes about every creed and colour going. Oh gosh, like that's logical ! Racists are well known for only hating ONE group other than their own .. Obviously you could only know whether someone was racist by listening to them talk and watching them behave when they are NOT on a stage .. And IMHO ? Well let's just say I prefer a quick, sharp, clever wit and Bernard's style was more...er... in keeping with his body shape and dress sense .. Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 127 (view)

Second Mini Meet Night - Brighton Saturday 19th May Posted: 5/17/2007 6:42:03 AM
Ahhh yes, another meet with a ratio of 2:1 men to women.. LOLOLOL Damn, don't you wish we men didn't show up as so generally desperate ? Looks like am going to a BBQ in BHM on Sat night, but will let you know... Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 193 (view)

Some have no photo because their photos have been "hijacked" in the past... Posted: 4/22/2007 3:08:26 AM
TDH Why did you not exchange a pic from her before the date? Hi country, you're right. Although I have explained in a couple of private emails to posters what happened I haven't put it in the thread. I did ask for pics, starting a week before the scheduled date (I figured that would be time to get one taken or scanned just about anywhere if she didn't already have one). She replied that would be no problem because a friend had taken some ones of her recntly at a wedding she attended. She said she would email him imediately asking for the pics. Every day for the next 6 I would remind her by phone or email that I was keen to see the pictures, and every day she would have some excuse why supposedly this guy was "having trouble" sending the pictures. Originally he was going to send a CD.. then he was going to email them... then supposedly he told her he had the pictures on his computer but couldn't work out how to include them in an email... I even suggested that she was welcome to have him call me anytime because I would gladly talk him through the less than 5 minutes it would take to have the pictures emailed to me... At the time I was a little bit concerned, but it was still plausible that the problem was with her friend's technical competence and not with her.. and she had told me so many other stories to suggest that she must have been at least above average in looks that I wasn't overly worried... Anyway, I suggest you read my post 154 if you haven't already because it suggests quite strongly that she was quite deliberately stringing me along as being seriously self-deluded and/or lying to others seem to come very naturally to her... I had a friend that had shared some pictures with someone that we mutually knew and she thought was a friend/good person. He inturn posted them under a false id here causing her problems... Thanks countrygirl for the firsthand report in response to my question to monaardnas. Now I understand what sort of situations people might be referring to... and such behaviour by others is inexcusable of course ! And if you have your picture taken and put with a profile or used in a manner that is derogatory to you in your local area...it can cause big problems!!!! Which once again is surely further reason why my suggestion (see posts 113 and 116) of a feedback system for here - in a similar way to say ebay - would surely be good for everybody ! It could potentially stop people who... : a) ...post with new false profiles after they have been banned b) ...have stolen someone else's pics and posted a derogatory profile of them c) ...have pictures posted that are clearly out of date d)...won't leave someone alone after they have been told "not interested" e)...have admitted to being married and/or in a relationship when their profile says otherwise f)..make a habit of lying to get dates, money, or anything else by false statements.. As only sport01 ever picked up the suggestion of feedback and discussed it, maybe I should go start another thread... Oh and yes, I am definitely wiser in the department now, thanks :) Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 183 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/21/2007 7:37:49 PM
I don't think that all reasons people give are "excuses".. Hi "allwoman".. don't worry, Mr HinterCoarse doesn't speak for all of us by any means.. if you read the thread you'll see we don't all think that the reasons are always "excuses".. but I think concensus here is that in the majority of cases they are. (unwanted attention from people who know you and give you a hard time for being on in internet dating site came up earlier in the thread as a legit reason, so thanks for your contribution )

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

When someone says they are a genius!? Posted: 4/21/2007 12:11:57 AM
Frankly I find it rather woeful that someone would put that they are a genius, super or otherwise, on their profile, then proceed to reiterate it on the first, second and third date. This after not being able to carry on a conversation past evasive, childish jokes Frankly I find it rather surprising that an apparently intelligent 43 yo lady would go out 3 times with a socially-inept 25 yo, no matter what his intelligence level. I would have thought that she'd discern his lack of social skills faster than that... or perhaps she had other reasons for dating this toy-boy ? Wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 179 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/19/2007 9:11:33 AM
y should i put pic up. if some1 cant talk 2 me get 2 know me and exchange pics personally then there not worth knowing. Hey monaardnas.. I guess that's the danger of coming in and just reading the start and end of the thread... thanks for your contribution but we've already agreed here at least 3 times that as long as there's an accurate, up-to-date pic available to be shared before you meet that there is no OBLIGATION to have one on your profile, notwithstanding the fact that many on here will be rightfully cautious/suspicious at the lack of pic... but i still would not post a pic as i have seen ppl cut and paste my pic and change it in ways i would not want to see it so that is the reason i wont post a pic. You're the second (or third) person I tink to mention this "editing" of someone elses pic and it ending up somewhere undesirable... I can't even begin to imagine what you mean as the experience is just so foreign to me.. would you mind letting us know some more specifics so I can try and understand where you are coming from ? What happened to your picture ? Where did it end up ? Do you know who did it ? Do you know why ? Waz

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

Invited a woman to drive 60 miles to meet for a cup of coffee !! Posted: 4/19/2007 5:44:28 AM
It would not be WHERE you go but WHO you are with !!!! Hey Astreaa , I hope you recognise that quote.. it's from your profile in the "First Date" section... a little more idealistic than realistic perhaps ? I applaud the guys and women who have agreed with me... Ahh! So the reason for posting here is not to interact with others and get various points of view and see whether your own viewpoint may be a little myopic or lop-sided, but rather the purpose is to accumulate as many people as possible who agree with you ? Well then honestly hun you didn't need to post at all, did you ? Have a great Saturday in 2 days time ! LOL Wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 172 (view)

No photo - should mean no date, but can also mean SERIOUSLY DELUDED !!!!! Posted: 4/18/2007 9:32:42 AM
But I still maintain my original post whereby I feel that I do not need to put up my picture Hey delectable - just for the record. We conceded that point a long way back :) We agreed that people don't HAVE to have picture on their profile as long as they are willing to send one (as you do) before meeting. So no disagreement there - you don't really need to keep defending your position You know nothing about it darling.. so dont make presumptions, mind you, you are female so you cant help it!! Alls fair in love and war as they say!! At the end of the day, its all a game.. Hey Hinter, I'm wary about even replying to your posts in case you just do it to get attention and I am giving you what you want.. but I certainly hope you just like saying things like that tongue-in-cheek because you like getting a rise out of people ... If not, then that's one of the most unhelpful and cliche-ridden positions I've seen expressed in a long time... There's no "war" between the sexes..well at least not amongst any of the delightful, sexy women with whom I keep company Wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 475 (view)

Most of us don't want to admit it but it's about waiting , eh ? :) Posted: 4/17/2007 11:21:59 AM
i mean, i didn't believe the guy, but damn, he sure did seem sincere and genuine enough, VERY convincing. A quick PS. Wouldn't it make sense just to put someone making such claims on the spot merf ? I mean personally I suspect that you'd rapidly get a pretty good idea of how genuine their claims were by the way they reacted to a little challenge. Seems to me a much better way to go than sitting there trying to work it all out yourself without even breaking their "rhythym"... Waz.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 474 (view)

Most of us don't want to admit it but it's about waiting , eh ? :) Posted: 4/17/2007 11:18:14 AM
but what about, ed, if the woman is not as skeptical or mean as i am and she believes the guy from san francisco that when he says he's thinking of moving back, and umpteen other leading statements, that he meant them? that he was telling the truth? why would she be thinking, "oh this is just a one night stand," when he has specifically said things to specifically convince her that it isn't? Merf et al, I'll admit to only having read the last 7 pages of this one tonight (but then I did read the first 5 pages originally so i haven't missed toooooo much methinks ), so just a couple of quick observations : 1) It's all about TIME. The guy from SFO or any other "line" delivered to try an achieve an outcome...time will ALWAYS be the best way to find out if they're true, won't it ? (because if it isn't a line then time will find him moving back to Brooklyn, eh ? ) 2) And if we CHOOSE to wait LESS time than we need to find out our desired level of confidence / trust/ veracity of the other person's claims, well on that OP is right i think, we chose the waiting time, and we must take responsibility for our choices. 3) If we want to complain/whine/castigate ourselves about it later, even in a forum, then hey, by all means ! LOL But please let's try and have the gumption to call the real spade the spade.. that we made a choice to shorten our waiting time and it turned out to be an imprudent /unwise choice. 4) And merf, it's not about thinking "oh this is just a one-night-stand". As a recent previous poster put it (about a page or so back) it would be wise to think "at the WORST this COULD be a O.N.S." And if it turns out to be more, be pleasantly surprised. That way we are not setting ourselves up for the emotional hurt of the relationship that never materialized, even if we still might have the hurt of realizing we made a bad TIME choice, or in some cases (which BTW was NOT mentioned in the OP) of the other person lying to encourage us to shorten OUR waiting time. (note that there are 3 different hurts there that I think some posters might have confused .. ) 5) As has been ably pointed out by a number of posters, sometimes relationships just don't pass the "sex test", and frankly that's sometimes why O.N.S happen.. 6) Finally, did anyone else notice the intersting way in which no-one replied at any length to the long, self-labelled "old-fashioned" post about WAITING about 5 pages back ? Everyone just seemed to sail right on over the top. I wonder did no-one want to go there because : a) It was thought so out-of-touch it should be ignored ? b) We didn't like it's conclusion even if we agreed with much of it's premise ? c) some other reason. PS Don't answer point 6 - 19 pages is more than enough ! It's just food for thought Wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 154 (view)

No photo - should mean no date, but can also mean SERIOUSLY DELUDED !!!!! Posted: 4/17/2007 5:16:25 AM
OMgoodness friends, there's an unexpected twist in the tail of this story !! In response to the wise suggestion of a fellow fishy I sent a little email yesterday to the lady who's deception was the original subject of this thread. My co-fisher sugested that although I had been gentlemanly and polite by having lunch and most of the afternoon chatting to this lady, it would probably be in everyone's best interests if I let her know that I had felt used and misled by the way she (mis)represented herself... So sure enough I sent her a polite but honest email yesterday... and today I got a response which shows she is completely DELUSIONAL !! Not only did she repeat the lies about her appearance that she previously told me, claiming that they are accurate, but she also claimed some really bizarre things including that I was overweight (I'm more like a flippin' greyhound for pete's sake !) and that I had sex with her !! My jaw hit the floor !! For a moment I thought I must have sent the email to the wrong address and that the person receiving it was mistaking me for someoene else, but I checked it and it's definitely her... The icing on the cake is that this person has on their profile (and on their MSN phrase) that they are "looking for inner beauty".. and this from a person who can apparently either lie without qualm or else is seriously deluded !! So there you go, apparently it's not only some males on here who live in a fantasy world... wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 143 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/15/2007 12:38:21 AM
Thanks for the latest contributions peoples. Just letting you know that a summary of the main issues people have raised, INCLUDING the whole "pictures can also be inaccurate" discussion is found at Post #67, and especially point 4 in my post #113 where I try and summarize the whole matter of being deceived by photos. Wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 136 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/13/2007 7:34:24 AM
She was serious that looks make no difference. I asked her if she was trying to convince me or herself Maybe we should start a thread , (if there isn't one already LOL) called "All those little euphemistic expressions people use to try and convince themselves that your/their dating/relationship/lifestyle choices aren't as bad as we all really know they are !" We could start with : "Looks make no difference" "Age is just a number" "It's what inside that counts" "I'm happy with my weight" or how about ... "I don't sleep with guys on the first date!" ?? Anybody want to contribute some others ? :) Wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 128 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/11/2007 8:54:26 AM
so even though you were not attracted to her and she was morbidly obese you had sex with her anyway . oh yeah you are a real keeper. a pity fk how nice . i wonder how you got it up if she was so repulsive or managed not to barf on her. my what a catch you are. Shall we assume ladies that Mr Hinter was taking the ps ? Let's hope so ! :-) Besides I never told you about all the verbal and physical hints that my date kept sending me during our few hours together (read "my few hours of procrastinating as to whether I should exit the situation quickly or otherwise").. hey ever had someone push up against you from behind while waiting to pay for your lunch ? Slip their arm around you while minding your own business in the shops despite the fact that you are rebuffing/ignoring every verbal or physical signal they are sending ? Actually now I have some idea of what it's often like for women in the world.... I think what I said to someone on a dance floor recently when she was being sleezed upon by some low-life is quite relevant :"Sometimes no choice is better than limited choice !" Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 116 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/10/2007 7:15:14 AM
Hey sporty, thanks for the contributions. OK so now we are CLOSE to having a first-hand-account of the ubiquitous "married cheater hiding with no pic" on here, but we still haven't quite got one yet.. :) But the comment was from the eye of the person looking! We can all walk away from something, all seeing something different. Ex; A gal uses a 10 year old photo. I meet her and notice the difference right off. Another guy might not notice or even care. The lady I met that colored the hair in her photo. I was disappointed, but another man might find it appealling. I just see any negative comments as being a source of trouble. You and I mainly agree Sporty, only I don't think you've seen it yet I suggested in my previous statements that the guideline could be that people try and retain a neutral POV (a la wiki). In your example, that would be exactly right. You could say something like "When I met this lady I realised that her profile photo was not a recent one. When we talked about it she acknowledged that it was 8 years old." Whether you left it at that or added an extra sentence like.... a) "It didn't worry me much and I decided to continue with the date and did not regret doing so" or b) "I was rather upset because the difference was so great I felt I had been deceived. So I chose to terminate the date straight away.." or c) "Although I was initially surprised, I'd think that no more than 30% of guys would even notice. I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't had my specs on to read the menu !" or d) whatever is appropriate. .. would be purely up to you. But the FACT that the picture was not recent would be indisputable in that context, and potentially helpful to others. Of course if gets a little more tricky if people start expressing a feeling, but can still be OK if they do it from a NPOV (neutral point of view) : "I was very surprised when I met this person. I couldn't see any similarity with the picture on his profile at all. I suspect that his profile picture is about 15 years out-of-date. I think he must have weighed at least 280 pounds but had told me that he weighed "about 180". Personally I felt cheated and betrayed, and although I had coffee with him as planned I left feeling angry and very disappointed." Can you see how this NPOV style sticks with facts INCLUDING the writers reactions and feelings which are documented, but does not make absolute suppositional statements that may be incorrect, not ascribe automatic accuracy or justification to the feelings/reactions/observations themselves ? I just see any negative comments as being a source of trouble. Personally, I think that if an NPOV guideline was enforced (by moderation) and was clearly published as the expected norm of the community that you would get rapid widespread adoption. And in the rare case where someone did post something that was an unmoderated personal rant , even that wouldn't necessarily be only "a source of trouble" at all. For example , if a guy said "This woman is such a dog I can't imagine why any guy would consider going out with her" as one post amongst 20 that consistently read something like "I think this lady is lovely. She has a great smile, fabulous personality and quick wit and I'm really glad we did coffee together"... then that would tell you much more about the ranting POST-ER than the POST-EE would it not ? In the same way that I have recently learned that reading a person's forum posts can sometimes be more informative in finding out about them than reading their profile... Wazza.

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 113 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/9/2007 3:52:28 AM
Hi again fellow-fishies, thanks for the latest contributions Latest thoughts : 1) LMAO at algy, blarny-dog & karlthehermit (Msg 83, 84 & 97), and to GoldenTricities (Msg 88) - touche mate ! LOLOL 2) Still absolutely no personal experiences of people meeting with married cheaters, not even 2nd or 3rd-hand reports ! Instead the BELIEF is repeated (Msg 82) : POF is overflowing with married people . Great - so now they are not just here, they are in the majority ?? Me thinks perhaps not... 3) To jb0052 and macintown (Msg 91 and 99), oh pleeeeeeeze.. LOL... how about you read IN FULL my posts (Msg 1, 69 and 70) ? At least THOSE posts are not just monosyllabic cliches.. 4) A pic is not a guarantee of what someone looks like (Msg 89). Nope, it certainly isn't, but at least it's a BETTER indication than nothing , and will MOST of the time be a better indication than words.. sure people CAN deceive with pictures, but it's HARDER than with words... And surely that's what this all gets down to - DECEPTION. It's not really about whether people look like their pictures, whether they take "good" or "bad" pictures, whether their pictures adequately communicate that they have "flat line personalities" LOL (someone's earlier post), but whether the other person is DECEIVING or trying to deceive us. Let's face it, while there may be a few people who get off on seriously overweight, I haven't seen any posts from ANYONE saying "hoo yeah baby, I luv being deceived - really turns me on" LOL. Instead, as I browse forum threads, whether they are "goddamn Seducer, Lets cut his nuts off", "The WORST "Plenty Of Fish" story you will EVER hear ", this thread, or many others, one REPEATING THEME (no surprise here) is the fact that people are most irked by someone deceiving them... and of course the whole "accurate, recent photo" thing is probably just one of the most VISIBLE incarnations of where the deception can be immediately obvious.. So are we going to be able to change this annoyingly prevalent behaviour by ****ing about it in the discussion forums ? Somehow I think not .. 5) BUT that's where my suggestion about feedback on other members would at least make it HARDER for people to deceive others in the future. I know 01Sporty (Msg100) said : "I think for anyone to make a comment about a specific person is unfair, because the details would be left out..." but let's consider ebay feedback for example (with which i'm sure you're all familiar). When you look at feedback there, you are not STOPPED from doing business with someone with negative feedback, but you make an adult decision based on the OVERALL body of feedback there as to whether you want to do business with the seller. And of course participants have the opportunity to respond to feedback and put their side of the story.. THAT's the sort of feedback environment I had in mind... If someone wanted to simply say "This person really didn't suit me" then of course we as observers would be able to make a decision as to whether we respected / heeded the opinion of the poster themselves (based on THEIR profile, received feedback and forum posts etc).. However if someone were to say "I met this person for a date and they admitted that the picture they have posted on here is actually / / " (select appropriate option LOL) then that's a different matter.. Or someone could simply state something like "I met this person for coffee on and discovered that they weigh about 280 lbs". Then for those of us who would find that a deal-breaker, we could save ours (and the other person's) time, while for those people for whom that WASN'T an issue, they would just be better informed. Where's the harm in that ? These forums are already moderated.. so I fail to see how there couldn't be quite simple mechanmisms to safeguard against the very slight possibility of abuse of such a feedback process ... for example, the guidelines could be changed from "no posts about specific people" to something more like what is done in wikipedia land where the guideline is "try to retain a neutral pointof view".... Anyway, such a feedback system would also help solve the "POF is overflowing with married cheaters" issue wouldn't it ?? Like I say, NONE of us likes being deceived, so wouldn't a feedback system like that (where we all work together) just be another way to help our fellow POFishers to have a greater chance of good experiences on here rather than bad ones ? Oh, and don't forget, we're still waiting for first-hand evidence / reports of there being married cheaters on here. (IMHO such people probably account for a significant percentage of the no-show / disappear online / last-minute cold-feet / one-date-only type scenarios that you read about in the forums... and that may be why there are hardly any stories of people actually MEETING such people and then subsequently discovering they are married/cohabiting... but that's just my personal suspicion.. ) Happy fishing all, Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 68 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/2/2007 5:02:57 AM
Oh and a quick PS for delectableone :) For gawd's sake people........POF has a 'no pic filter feature'. If seeing a profile with no picture offends you so much........USE THE FEATURE! I'm not offended by people with no pics delectable, and I understand that a small minority of them have legitimate reasons why they don't put a picture up (as long as they are willing to send one pretty promptly once a dialogue gets going), and trust me I never browse profiles of those without pictures nor initiate contact with them, so the "no-pic filter" gets plenty of use ! LOL However, in my case I was contacted by the "pic-less" person, and I suspect that would also be true of the other posters to this thread who have had bad "blind-date" experiences... In fact, there's a question - were any of you who have reported bad "blind date" experiences here the ones who INITIATED the contact ? I certainly wasn't...

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 67 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/2/2007 4:40:31 AM
Hi and thanks to everyone who responded to my post ! (especially those with kind words ... a 4 you justcueit !) As the OP , and having read over every response at least twice please allow me to take the time to try and summarize where this thread went, what the overall results are so far, and a couple of other relevant thoughts. 65 posts so far = about 50 different people, 60% women, 40% men, 75% with pics , 25% without. Of the people without pics, they were split near enough 50% men / women. 18 people specifically said they had met someone without seeing a photo, representing 26 different experiences/dates. 19 (75%) of those experiences were bad / person was misrepresented, only 7 (25%) good. One (see post 12), had a fantastic result But clearly the majority reported were by far the other way around. Basically almost everyone agreed that a picture before meeting was essential even if one wasn't initially loaded on the profile, although the reasons people suggested as to why people might post deceiving photos / no photos varied considerably depending on what their personal experiences were. Reasons included : 1) People are deceiving themselves - still think of what they USED to look like 2) People are deliberately deceiving - because they are doing after all, a "sales job" :) 3) People want to be appreciated for more than their external appearance 4) People are cheaters / have something to hide 5) People are nervous / shy 6) People have privacy concerns. A couple of observations : While 3) sounds very noble/virtuous, the reality is that external appearance will always be at least INITIALLY significant in most cases, and experience shows that more people are hiding behind that statement than are honestly trying to avoid the superficiality of some other people's skin-deep evaluation systems. "Privacy concerns" (6) seem to fall into two categories - legitimate and illegitimate. The well-known judge situation and the lady who gets bagged for being on POF seemed to me the only 2 to have any vague credibility (although for me personally I'd say the people doing the bagging are the real Losers hun :), but the rest of the "privacy concerns" were honestly vague, unsubstantiated claims. I guess that was something that jumped out at me - that other than post 18, 46 and 54 where a couple of non-pic-posters gave us some indication of the reasons why (although to be fair, "my work asked us to reduce our internet presence" did meet with some healthy scepticism !) - our most vocal non-pic-posters (esp tofinogirl) were not forthcoming on serious reasons why THEY did not post a picture, just reasons why "people" did not post pictures. But hey, this generalization was not confined to the non-pic-posters ! If you read carefully, you'll see that although quite a few people suggested that the most likely reason for no pic was people who are cheating on partners, that this was (based on the actual comments posted) all supposition. Remember our 75% of blind-dates being with people who lied/exaggerated was based on actual reports, but while some people FELT that many without pics must be cheating, I don't think a single poster actually said "This happened to me !" I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, but I wonder why it seems to be more widely BELIEVED, than actually REPORTED ?? Anyway, IMHO, I would suggest that those who choose not to post pics come across as more credible when they simply and directly explain the reasons why, rather than feel compelled to (ineffectively) defend those that others know from first-hand experience to be liars/deceivers.. I mean why try and defend every person who chooses not to post a picture just because YOU have some reason for not posting ? I don't see the rationale in that at all..... And what can we do about the 75% bad blind-date experiences and the yes-there-are-pics-but-overall-i-dont-look-anything-like-that profiles/people ? Perhaps if we could give "dating feedback" on people's profiles in the same way as favourites can write a testimonial that might go some way to providing some "warning signs" to others... I know, I know, it COULD be abused, but look at say ebay where feedback can be really helpful, and where if the overall balance of feedback is resoundingly positive you can make your own decision about any negative feedback in context, esp as the account-holder can respond to negative feedback... and besides, wouldn't such warnings help stop all those millions of axe-murderers that the hyper-paranoid seem to believe are so abundant in internet land ? Just my 2c worth Wazza

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 98 (view)

Attractiveness scale.....(what do you think??) Posted: 4/1/2007 1:22:22 AM
OM goodness !!! Amongst all the soul-searching, attempting to appear D&M, and general endorsement or condemntation of the inescapable fact that we as humans are attracted to beauty full stop (and of course therefore natuarally apply this to prospective partners/mates at least to SOME degree) , did anyone notice that AWESOME Reply number 71 from verygreeneyez ?? That has to be close to the funniest thing I have EVER read !! Go greeneyez !! Wazza. :)

talldark-handsome

Joined: 7/2/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

It can happen to men too - no photo should mean no date !! Posted: 4/1/2007 12:39:41 AM
Well people I now have to put my hand up as being one of those people who has been silly enough to meet up for a date with someone from here who didn't have a picture - and boy was that a bad idea ! You see so many profiles of ladies who (understandably) say "no picture, no reply" and read stories of men who turn up for dates 6 inchers shorter / 10 years older/ 50 pounds heavier / 90% balder than they say they are... LOL... yet does it ever occur to you that the same thing can happen to a man ? The answer is yes it can ! I now have first-hand experience ! LOL Why would someone tell you they are "blonde" and "young looking for their age" and then you turn up to discover they are grey and in fact definitely look their age or realistically even older ??!! Why would they tell you that people have always noticed them when they walk down the street because they are so good looking, and then you discover that the only reason someone is likely to notice them is because they are so significantly overweight ?? I guess these situations fall into 2 groups - those where the person is deluded and actually believes about themselves that they are attractive, and those where the pereson is being deliberately manipulative to to try and get a desirable partner to turn up and spend time with them... What do you think ? Are there other reasons perhaps ? Anyway, I guess the golden rule is NEVER go out on a blind date, unless you are quite willing to be disappointed (not a good idea when you drive 220km to get there ! LOL) and not expect to be, but be willing to be, pleasantly surprised if the person really is attractive. However, for me , in this digital age, I think not having a photo of yourself posted on here is inexcusable, and unless you have unlimited time to burn, I'd rather spend mine getting to know the lovely people that I DO know what they look like !! I'd be really interested to hear from other people who might have had similar experiences (so i can feel not so bad as being the only stupid person in the world ! LOL) Wazza.

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