“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! chat & forums.

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Thread: “Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!!

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 45 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 8/2/2007 10:06:07 AM
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation ?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 7/24/2007 1:37:29 AM
Man walks into the doctors and says, doc feels like i have some thing up my nose, doc says ya take your finger out of it.... sorry one just of the top of my head... here hope this one is a little better...... old Lady dies and is talking to god at gates, hears awful scream, "don't worry" said god, "that's a lady getting holes put in her shoulders for wings," a few minutes later the screaming starts again, "not to worry" says god, "she having her head drilled for the halo" the old lady is in shock, "i want to go to hell" "you can't go there" says god, "you'd be raped," "maybe so" says the old lady, "but at lest i have the hole for that"......

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 7/21/2007 3:35:16 PM
A woman walks into the doctor's surgery but doesn't like the way he's looking at her. When he tells her to undress, she asks him to turn out the lights before she disrobes. After he turns out the lights she says: "Where will I put my clothes?" "Hang them up over here," he says. "Next to mine."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 6/7/2007 4:45:58 PM
Three ladies sitting in a doctors office. One says "I'm gonna have a boy cause my husband was on top." Another says "I'm gonna have a girl cause I was on top." Last one says "****, I'm gonna have a puppy."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 6/5/2007 1:50:20 PM
Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys,All on different limbs at different levels.Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ***holes.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 5/25/2007 3:48:48 PM
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it." Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework." The teacher says, "Very good, Claude." Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary." She calls on Little Johnny in the back. Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 5/25/2007 3:46:35 PM
How can you tell when a man is well hung?When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 5/24/2007 4:01:17 PM
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing any thing that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals and sunglasses. The next morning, they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a****ail, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop-dead gorgeous, topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." She nodded to each, and addressed each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. The next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After awhile, the same topless blonde came walking toward them. Again, she nodded at each of them, and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." She started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady." "Yes, Father?" "How in the world did you know we're priests, dressed as we are?" "Father, it's me, Sister Katherine," she replied.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 5/24/2007 3:57:11 PM
"Hello. Your Mother-In-Law fell into my pool filled with crocodiles.""The crocodiles are yours, so you save them."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 5/7/2007 3:36:18 AM
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 5/4/2007 11:56:44 AM
SPEEDING TICKETA police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/28/2007 4:23:18 PM
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/27/2007 11:09:05 AM
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...." Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/26/2007 3:33:33 PM
As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself the last thing you must do is forget your speech. And sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/13/2007 12:43:50 PM
In Jerusalem, a journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So, the reporter went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there was the old man, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray, and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview. "I'm a reporter, and I'd like to ask how long you've been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years," says the old man. "Sixty years? That's amazing! What do you pray for?" asked the reporter. "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" asked the journalist. "Like I'm talking to a friggin' wall."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/8/2007 10:47:25 AM
LONG-HAUL DRIVER Two men are chatting at a roadside diner, and one discovers that the other is a long-haul truck driver. The man says to the truck driver, "I'd love to drive a big rig, but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "I have a trick to stay awake," says the truck driver. "I just put a $100 bill in my left hand and hold it out the window."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/7/2007 2:19:53 PM
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/7/2007 2:19:39 PM
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/5/2007 11:50:04 AM
A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my **?" "Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the ** winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/4/2007 12:09:59 PM
Why do they bury mothers-in-law 18 feet down, when everyone else is buried 6 feet down?

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/4/2007 2:18:22 AM
FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS A trucker who has been on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The madam is astonished. "But, sir, for that kind of money, you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/3/2007 10:43:45 AM
GOLF INJURIES A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?" "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!' I don't remember much after that."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 4/3/2007 3:34:31 AM
Two cannibals were sitting down eating lunch.One says to the other, "You know, I just can't stand my mother-in-law."The other one replies, "Forget about her! Just put her to the side and eat the mashed potatoes."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/23/2007 10:45:46 AM
RAILROAD JOKES · Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks. One of them said, "this is is longest stairway I have ever been on." The other one said, "It's not the stairs that bother me, it's the low banister." · Two drunks were walking down a New York City street when one fell down the subway steps. When he got back up top he told his drinking partner, "...boy you got to see that guy's train set in the basement!"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/23/2007 10:40:01 AM
A hippie and a bus driver A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him. The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie,"if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,"said the bus driver guy "you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from where he is hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!" The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting,"Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/23/2007 10:32:55 AM
Let the Train take the strain A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not the plane!"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/23/2007 10:17:26 AM
What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/22/2007 3:57:09 PM
So this guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and he orders drinks for himself and the giraffe, and the girafe keeps drinking until it gets drunk and falls down on the floor. The guy starts to leave, and the bartender calls after him "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!", and the guy says, "Oh, sorry".

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/22/2007 3:55:12 PM
Definitions: Yard Goat - the critter used by the railroad to keep down the weeds within yard limits. Tunnel motor - the thing that makes the doors in front of a tunnel open and close. Feed water - what they mix the yard goat's chow with when he runs out of weeds. Switch stand - where they stack up the turnout components before taking 'em out and spiking 'em in place. Tie plates - the china they use at them fancy like restaurants where ya hafta where a tie to get in. Water tank - one of them amphibibious fighting vehicles the marines use to storm an enemy beach. Crummy - how you feel after the yard goat butts you. Cross bucks - the dollars it takes to replace that sign guarding a grade crossing when the fellow with the hi-rail truck runs it over. Turn table - the thing thing in the superintendents office you want to chuck out the window after he places Chatenooga Choo Choo for the five hundredth time. Yard master - nickname for that dad-gum yard goat. Thinks he owns the place!

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/22/2007 10:11:23 AM
Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe? He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/22/2007 10:07:32 AM
Why did the railroad magnate choose a name for his railroad that had a single letter abreviation, "S"?

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 3:26:12 PM
Diner: "Do you serve chicken here?"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 3:18:26 PM
An elderly lady walked into a Toronto ticket office and asked for a ticket to New York. " Do you want to go by Buffalo?" inquired the ticket agent. "Certainly not!" she answered indignantly, " I want to go by TRAIN!"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 11:54:37 AM
What did the saloon keeper say to the cowpoke who walked in with a chicken in his ten-gallon hat?

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 11:51:45 AM
How many train crew men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 11:47:41 AM
I once heard a story about a railroad crew that befriended a monkey named Bobo. The railroaders would play with Bobo and feed him and really treat him nice. In fact, they taught the monkey to give hand signals and run the engine and to even read a switch list and switch out the cars. Soon Bobo got to be so good at it that the guys would let the monkey do their work while they went fishing. One day the Trainmaster caught the guys fishing while Bobo was doing the work. All of the railroaders got fired on the spot. A couple of months later the railroaders got a letter from the company. It was a great flowery piece and reinstated all of the railroaders to their former positions with all back pay. It was signed by Trainmaster Bobo.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 2:09:55 AM
Little Johnny & the train Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he gothis foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out,but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard anoise and turned around. To his horror, he saw a train coming.Panicked, he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks,and I'll stop being bad!"Nothing happened; his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the traingetting closer!He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out, and I'll stop swearing andI'll stop being bad!" Still nothing. His foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away!Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out ofthe tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop tryingto look up little Mary's dress."Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fellbackwards, the train narrowly missing him.He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward heaven, and said, "Thanksanyway God, I got it myself.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 2:03:31 AM
A farmer rows across a river with a fox, three geese, and a twenty-four pound bag of olive pits. Upon reaching the other side, he says to the fox "While I go into town, I'm leaving you in charge, Mr. Fox. When I return, these geese and olive pits better be in perfect shape, or you're in big, big trouble." The farmer hurries off. Several minutes later, the geese fall asleep.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 1:59:17 AM
A man and a dog walk into a bar. The man says to the bartender: "Will you give me a free drink if I prove to you that my dog can talk?" "That's ridiculous," says the bartender. "I'll give you two free drinks if your mutt can talk." "OK fido," says the man, "What's that over our head?" The dog replies instantly, "Roof!" "Great," says the man, "Now, who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" says the dog. "Get outta here, you bums. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." As the man and dog walk out of the bar, the dog looks up at the man and says "Arf!"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/21/2007 1:46:01 AM
Late Train There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his train set. One afternoon, his mother happened to be standing by the door listening to the boy play. She was shocked when she heard him saying, "All right, all of you son of a **es who want to get on the train, get on train. And all of you son of a es who want to get off the train, get off the train. And all of you son of a es who want to change seats, change seats now 'cause the train's getting ready to leave. Whoo whooooo." The mother was just devastated, so she scolded her son and said to him, "Now son, I want to go upstairs and take your nap, and when you get up, you can't play with your train set for two hours." So the boy took his nap and didn't even mention his train set for two hours. After the two hours were up, the boy asked his mom if he could play with his train set again. She said yes, and asked him if he understood why he was punished. He nodded his head yes, and off he went. The mother stood by door to listen to what her son would say. The boy sat down to his train set and calmly said, "Whoo whoooooo. All of you ladies and gentlemen, who want to get on the train, get on the train. All of you ladies and gentlemen, who want to get off the train, get off the train. And all you son of a es who are pissed 'cause the train is two hours late, go talk to the ** in the kitchen. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/20/2007 3:19:26 PM
THE ATHEIST AND THE BEAR An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/20/2007 3:15:10 PM
THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM A DOG 1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride. 2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. 3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. 4. When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience. 5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory. 6. Take naps and always stretch before rising. 7. Run, romp, and play daily. 8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. 9. Be loyal. 10. Never pretend to be something you're not. 11. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. 12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. 13. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. 14. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. 15. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. 16. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. 17. When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body. 18. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

“Hell’s Bell’s !!!!!!!!!!! Posted: 1/20/2007 10:40:07 AM
THREE WISHES An old woman saved a fairy's life. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be the richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world. For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many ears. Poof! The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth. The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to here and asked: "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Railroad Schedule !!!!!!! Posted: 1/20/2007 10:27:42 AM
Said to a railroad engineer: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late. The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 95 (view)

Dancing Your Memory Away? Posted: 1/17/2007 2:58:57 PM
RANCH OF HIS DREAMS The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the spread of his dreams in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit. "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy. "Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. But looking around he saw no cattle. "So... where are all the cows?" "None of 'em survived the branding."

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 94 (view)

Dancing Your Memory Away? Posted: 12/24/2006 1:39:01 AM
I'll Be Home for Christmas I'll be home for Christmas; You can count on me. Please have snow and mistletoe And presents on the tree. Christmas Eve will find me Where the love-light gleams. I'll be home for Christmas If only in my dreams. I'll be home for Christmas; You can count on me. Please have snow and mistletoe And presents on the tree. Christmas Eve will find me Where the love-light gleams. I'll be home for Christmas If only in my dreams.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 93 (view)

Dancing Your Memory Away? Posted: 12/24/2006 1:36:31 AM
Mistletoe And Wine The Child is a King, the Carolers sing, The old is passed there's a new beginning. Dreams of Santa, dreams of snow, Fingers numb, faces aglow. Christmas time, mistletoe and wine Children singing Christian rhyme With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree A time for rejoicing in all that we see A time for living, a time for believing, A time for trusting, not deceiving. Love and laughter and joy ever after, Ours for the taking, just follow the Master. Christmas time, mistletoe and wine Children singing Christian rhyme With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree A time for rejoicing in all that we see A time for giving, a time for getting, A time for forgiving and for forgetting. Christmas is love, Christmas is peace A time for hating and fighting to cease Christmas time, mistletoe and wine Children singing Christian rhyme With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree A time for rejoicing in all that we see Christmas time, mistletoe and wine Children singing Christian rhyme With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree A time for rejoicing in all that we see

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 92 (view)

Dancing Your Memory Away? Posted: 12/11/2006 4:22:05 AM
You'll Never Walk Alone R. Rogers/O. Hammerstein II When you walk through a storm Hold your head up high And don't be afraid of the dark At the end of the storm Is a golden sky And the sweet silver song of the lark Walk on through the wind Walk on through the rain Though your dreams be tossed and blown Walk on walk on with hope in your heart And you'll never walk alone You'll never walk alone When you walk through a storm Hold your head up high And don't be afraid of the dark At the end of the storm Is a golden sky And the sweet silver song of the lark Walk on through the wind Walk on through the rain Though your dreams be tossed and blown Walk on walk on with hope in your heart And you'll never walk alone You'll never walk You'll never walk You'll never walk alone.

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 91 (view)

Dancing Your Memory Away? Posted: 12/11/2006 4:01:34 AM
You've Lost That Loving Feeling Spector/Mann/Weil You never close your eyes Anymore when I kiss your lips There's no tenderness Like before in you fingertips You're trying hard not to show it, But baby, baby I know it You've lost that lovin' feelin', oh that lovin' feelin' You've lost that lovin' feelin', now it's gone, gone, gone There's no tenderness in your eyes When I reach out for you Girl, you're starting to criticize Every little thing I do It makes me just feel like crying 'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying You've lost that lovin' feelin', oh that lovin' feelin' You've lost that lovin' feelin', now it's gone, gone, gone Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you If you would only love me like you used to do We had a love, love, love, love affair every day Oh don't, don't, don't, don't take it away Listen to me, talkin' to you Bring back that lovin' feelin, oh, that lovin' feelin' Bring back that lovin' feelin, now it's gone, gone, gone And I can't go on

musictomyears

Joined: 7/5/2005

Msg: 90 (view)

Dancing Your Memory Away? Posted: 12/11/2006 3:57:57 AM
If Every Day Was Like Christmas Red West I hear the bells Saying Christmas is near They ring out to tell the world That this is the season of cheer I hear a choir Singing sweetly somewhere And a glow fills my heart I'm at peace with the world As the sound of their singing fills the air Oh why can't every day be like Christmas Why can't that feeling go on endlessly For if everyday could be just like Christmas What a wonderful world this would be I hear a child Telling Santa what to bring And the smile upon his tiny face Is worth more to me than anything

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