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expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Can't one rule fit all Posted: 9/30/2009 11:12:00 AM
Even though you have a child, you are not old enough to have out-of-control teens. You are not old enough to grasp how helpless parents feel when they realize their teen, the child they raised in love, is turning out to be a dumb-punk, worthless addition to society .. and desperately want to do something to help them become a half-way decent person .. because when you realize the child you raised is not turning out 'okay' .. half-way decent starts to sound good enough. But where do they start. (Please, NOT saying the OP's child fits into this description. Just that there are so many that do.) None of us received a 'How-to' manual with the children we bore. It's good parenting to get help when we encounter situations we don't know how to get past. I did not 'pull any ol' book outta the hat' and suggest it. I pulled the only book I ever read that actually changed the lives and households of real people and real kids of many ages that I actually know. If you would like to know if this book would be effective for teens .. my suggestion is read it. Yes. It is is. So, since I'm such a 'book suggesting sort' .. I would like to suggest one for you: "The Happiest Baby on the Block", by Dr. Harvey Karp (age appropriate for your own child) I'd also like to add .. your critique of my suggestion, without a suggestion of your own and without even knowing what you were critiquing .. Dude, know your subject before portraying yourself as such a know-it-all. Your own children may prove that one day you could also find yourself reaching for a book in a desperate last attempt to steer them onto a better path before they turn legal age. OR .. you can do the research-work as you go along and avoid that whole problem child from the get-go. YES .. THE BOOK I SUGGESTED IS TEEN-ORIENTED. YES .. IT IS ALSO YOUNGER KID-ORIENTED. YES .. IT WILL HELP. PROFOUNDLY. AS QUICKLY AS IT SAYS. EVERY TIME. EVERY KID. EVERY SITUATION. EVERY TIME. YES .. I'VE PERSONALLY SEEN IT IN ACTION. YES .. I'VE PERSONALLY USED THE STEP-BY-STEP ACTION PLAN PRESENTED. EVERY TIME. EVERY KID. EVERY SITUATION. EVERY TIME. Kinda makes you wanna go read it just so you can come back and tell me I'm wrong, huh? That's a challenge. If it gets you to read it. Cool. I'm not wrong. Again, this woman's issue isn't with rules at Dad's home. It's with a 16 year-old who is being allowed to treat her with lack of consideration, irresponsibility, self-centeredness. It's about the fact that she cannot dictate what happens at the other parents home. She does have control over what happens at her home and how her son treats her. Dude .. If you have another suggestion other than 'teens are irresponsible, undependable, self-centered so leave them alone because there is nothing that can be done' .. Hey I'm all ears. But if that's your final stance, .. well, then I'm not the one 'out of touch. I've raise teens. I actually do know. You will too .. in about 15-17 years...

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

My 18-yr-old son has been stealing from me. Posted: 9/30/2009 11:05:11 AM
wrong thread

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 114 (view)

widow needs advice on custody issue Posted: 9/30/2009 10:09:36 AM
All this 'file for custody' stuff you're being advised. You HAVE custody. Your former friend has had to file for custody because YOU STILL HAVE CUSTODY. Go get your daughter. Let her fight in court if she wants to. You go get your daughter. Go to their home daily and visit. Period. Go daily even if you're turned away. Phone daily. Keep records of visit attempts. Phone attempts. Contact child-protective services or anyone who can give you advice about a so-called 'friend' who has your child and refuses to return her to you and now refuses to even let you phone and visit your own child.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 113 (view)

widow needs advice on custody issue Posted: 9/30/2009 10:06:19 AM
That was exactly my thoughts. Temporary custody order has ended. Just go get the child. What's the hold up? Attorneys wouldn't advise this .. they are in the business of racking up billable hours for their services .. but this is exactly what I was advised by a local government department to do in regards with one of my children. NOW .. drag your feet doing this. ALLOW the attorneys to get involved and the courts will order that they have jurisdiction and will order to protect the child until something can be determined. However .. states are not in the business of separating children from parents. When a child might be in an unsafe place, and the parent places their child in a safe place .. that is what is supposed to happen. When safety is restored, children go home. You've done nothing that would cause you to lose permanent custody of your child. Stop sneaking around to speak to her. Just go visit for goodness sakes if you can't just go get her. If you're denied, keep track and go back the next day. Go every day. Record the conversations at the door. This is not as hard as you're making it. This isn't about custody .. this is about a former-friend trying to steal your child from you after having generously offered to help you out in a tough situation.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Can't one rule fit all Posted: 9/30/2009 9:41:09 AM
Your son sleeping in is not the issue .. his being at your home on Sunday morning and deciding he could ignore that you were waiting for him is. Irresponsible. Undependable. Self-centered. Basic dullard teen I encounter day-to-day .. basic lack of parents who know how to require their teens strive to be normal, considerate, productive functioning people who will become those same things as adults. As usual, if you don't know how to handle this situation, not the sleeping in, the inconsiderate ignoring of an appointment made with you .. I suggest: 'Have a New Kid by Friday How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days' ~ by Dr. Kevin Leman Sounds as though you could benefit from learning a bit more about owning one's actions and the consequences for one's actions (good and negative) .. and how to teach that to your son.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 255 (view)

vaccines=autism????? Posted: 9/30/2009 9:11:27 AM
We may not have a choice .. http://nationalexpositor.com/index.php?news=1603

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

how do i get over the hurt and anger? Posted: 9/9/2009 8:05:15 AM
Loss is something we grieve for. Not just loss of relationships and pets, but loss of ideas, loss of plans, loss of dreams, more. Working through the grief for the losses you're feeling is one way to get control of the emotions you're experiencing that you'd like to move past but haven't yet. Recognizing that you want something different for your life and your thoughts, as is always pointed out, is the first step. May I recommend: The Grief Recovery Handbook, The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith by John W. James and Russell Friedman ..

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

My daughter calling someone else dad Posted: 9/9/2009 5:25:31 AM
Hi again, I sent some book recommends via the message system here including a site I came across: http://distanceparenting.org

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

My daughter calling someone else dad Posted: 9/8/2009 7:04:42 PM
There are good books on the topic of being a long-distance parent. May I suggest picking up one? It will help you keep your sanity through these things that bother you. It's a tough job you've taken on, the military. You're appreciated for doing so, by an entire country. Your daughter will always know who her Dad is, because you're going to learn how to make sure of it. You're daughter will look up to you. You're a national hero, after all.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

why do most of you think kids NEED two parents? Posted: 9/8/2009 6:55:52 PM
Sounds like the consensus is still: children need the whole village to do their part... ...and what do your children need? I'd venture to suggest yours would do a bit better with a father that doesn't speak negatively about their mother, no matter who she is or what she's done or where she's been. Ever. If you've ever seen me around the forums, you might have noticed that I like to recommend books. smile For you, instead of a book, I recommend this cd: The Soul Healing Meditations by Deepak Chopra

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 115 (view)

Has anyone else passed a weird test from a potential suitor? Posted: 9/8/2009 7:47:11 AM
There was no 'test'. He is disappearing and making lame excuses for it. Any woman who would put up with him is lacking in self-esteem. All his imaginary 'test' would uncover is women who would allow themselves to be ignored and abused in a relationship with him. He is not a 'keeper'. If you're looking for a zero-strings, friends with benefits relationship, he's your guy. If you would like something more down the road, why keep him around only to have to explain him to some future man in your life? Depends on what you're looking for. Me? I'd move on without so much as a reply to his arrogant, lying, lame excuse. Let's see if he passes yours? Will he move on quietly when you don't reply and put his profile here on block or will he begin phoning and changing his tune only to up and disappear again with yet another lame excuse? If this is how it is after only a date or two, it won't get better! There was a point, after marriage, when my late husband told me he never ran his test on me: He liked to take women to amusement parks with roller coasters and see if they enjoyed the wildest and scariest ones. He figured if she liked roller coasters, she would have no problem having a good time on the back of his motorcycle. I wouldn't have passed his test, by the way and he was no longer riding roller coasters when I'd met him.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

Trying to be careful with religious choices for my daughter. Posted: 9/8/2009 7:30:20 AM
I would (and did) teach tolerance and understanding for all religions. http://peaceisthewayglobalcommunity.org/

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Need Help from Those Who've been There Posted: 8/31/2009 8:09:03 PM
Only commenting on one thing in your thread.. that money you don't care about isn't yours to care about one way or the other. It's your child's money for your child's benefit. It's not yours or your ex-husband's to negotiate with each other over. You should be fighting like a mother lion for everything your child deserves. If you don't need it, bank it for future education. In this world, you never what will happen around the corner and that money will save you one day. If your ex can afford a girlfriend and evenings out dancing, he can figure out how to help care for your child in the long term.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Single Moms in this economy? How are you doing it? Tips to share? Posted: 8/31/2009 7:46:16 PM
Hello again. You're in Irving, so it's a bit of a drive, but if you made it once a month to stock up on staples, might try Town Talk in Fort Worth for groceries. Discounted. Hugely discounted. Worth looking at. I believe it's 121 N. Beach St. Worth the drive and don't worry about the neighborhood. It's not the 'hood' just a more casual part of Fort Worth. You'll find the customers to be people just like you. Are you needing afterschool care? Do look into After school programs at places like karate studios or skating rinks or check online for after school programs. Some can cost in the $45/week range. Just as good as whatever you're paying for now! Meals! Change the way you're cooking. I know it will be so easy to do when you check out this book: "The Starving Student's Cookbook" .. try to get the 2008 edition rather than the 2002. MUCH differences. It's the same things you're making now, but with a budget twist that will make them easier to get on the table and cheaper to prepare. I PROMISE this one will not be a mistake purchase! Google 'live cheap tips' or something like that and read how others are doing it. Every little suggestion makes a difference. Turn off lights. Unplug anything you're not actually using at the moment. Take the time to replug in the toaster when you use it. Stop sucking electricity into anything you're not actually using. Here's a site I found that seemed filled with good ideas: http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2008/02/06/little-steps-100-great-tips-for-saving-money-for-those-just-getting-started/ Also, The economy is going to get even worse. Plan now that it's going to get worse before it gets better. Find that job. Turn off this computer and start spending full-time hours looking for work. In this market, it's not going to be easy. Or open an eBay business. Cheap to get started. Easy to learn. Doesn't take long before you know the ropes. I know a lovely lady who used to live in her car. She paid for a health club membership so she could stay in shape and shower every day for about $30/month. I think they cost more now. This was over a decade ago. Today, she owns her own condo in Plano, lives in Las Vegas and is feeling the pinch we all are. But survivors find a way. You will too. Takes doing things a bit differently than you're used to, but you'll figure it out. However, I agree with some of the others. No more footing the bill for parties. No matter how hard up that person was. If you're the sort of person who's buying Starbucks, (and I don't think at the present, you are) but as an example, if you're spending money in Starbucks, you've no idea how truly bad it's going to get before it even begins to improve. Every news source, including 'junk news entertainment' venues such as Fox News is reporting it's going to get BAD. Stop spending what you don't have. Start figuring out other sources of income. Learn to live like people who've never been able to afford anything. Best of luck you you. Nice to run into you again, by the way.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

what do you miss? Posted: 8/20/2009 12:16:25 PM
Having someone to share it all with.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Coming to a settlement.... Posted: 8/20/2009 11:05:06 AM
Without more information: My suggestion: counter with 60/40 custody and support for a limited period of time .. enough time for her to gain job skills. With more info about her, her interests, abilities .. perhaps offering to pay for her to attend said training for job skills .. such as hair cutting school or to be a medical or dental assistant or a course in dog grooming or a pharmacy tech or aerobics instructor or ?? .. something marketable and attainable in a year to 18 months or less ?? Is there a relatively inexpensive junior college nearby? Consider 2 years there. Perhaps offer that when her finances improve, appropriate reduction in support along with the 50/50 time once she has completed training .. the idea being while in schooling, she won't quite as much time for the kids as after. The courts will set the actual support amount no matter what else is agreed upon so don't muddle things up with****ring money vs custody time. Instead show the mediator a concern toward helping your ex become independent and a willingness to assist in that goal. Custody time should be based on available time of each parent and capability of parenting of each parent. Mediation does help. It costs volumes less than trial would. Mediation means the two of you would be able to work things out between the two of you. Trial means a court will decide for you what you will live a very long time with. Mediation means having someone note the willingness of each person to cooperate and try to come to answers that work for both parents and for the children. It means also noting when one person is the bottleneck that forces a trial. The mediator is also likely to make recommendations to the courts on things that were not resolved during the mediation. Save 20,000 on the trial. Spend part of that on mediation. Spend part of that on helping your ex become more financially self-sufficient. Articles on how to prepare for mediation.. http://ezinearticles.com/?Tips-On-How-To-Behave-During-Child-Custody-Mediation&id=1162277 http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/divorce/custody.html

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 123 (view)

How long did you wait for the love of your life? Posted: 8/20/2009 10:01:00 AM
How long did you wait? - 4 years Why did you wait so long? - He was a bit gun shy. What effect did it have on other "potential" life partners you met? - Didn't meet potential others or rather, no one I met became a potential. Looking back now, what would you have done differently? - A couple things, but I did get to spend the last and best decade of his life with him. Yes, I'd go back and do it all over again. At what point did you come to the realization things weren't going to change? - N/A

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Are you put off by too wide an age range? Posted: 8/20/2009 8:11:09 AM
I don't specify an age range. Because I post on the forums, I sometimes communicate with people of ages I would not date. I also don't specify gender for the same reason. Still .. I'd only date someone within a few years of my own age though my late husband was 12 years older than me.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

The Kids Pics (Not what you think) Posted: 8/20/2009 6:36:40 AM
All other things being equal, I'd meet the gentlemen and see what connection is there with them. The children wouldn't be part of the equation, and especially not from a photo. No matter what the photo looks like. I would, however, at some point, be interest in his parenting style.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Meet for coffee... AGAIN?!? Posted: 8/20/2009 6:29:55 AM
If you're bored with your choices, I'm wondering if you're a boring person. There is so much to do in any city or town. Learn what it is and go do it...with or without a date. Perhaps your second-date ratio will increase if you spend more time having fun getting to know each other and less time on running through your standard qualifying questions. Here are some ideas, mostly gathered from internet sources: gallery opening the local flea market if she golfs, and I don't, the driving range to the park to play frisbee to the park to teach her backgammon walk in an area known for good window shopping visit an antiques store get pedicures together visit a psychic or tarot reader, walk after bookstore with visiting author speaking does your city have carriage rides? go strawberry picking (or apples/oranges/peaches..whatever is in your area) pick out a christmas tree for your place drive around looking at the holiday lights take a yoga class together go letterboxing ( http://www.letterboxing.org/ ) visit the zoo browse a dollar store museums, especially the lesser known, lesser visited ones fly a kite meet before work to watch the sunrise meet at a playground by the swings invite her to meet you wherever you volunteer (nursing home, soup kitchen, etc) try out the rock climbing wall at a sporting goods store take a free dance lesson together learn a few constellations, teach her ( http://www.quietbay.net/Science/astronomy/nightsky/ ) learn what days there will be meteor showers and meet to watch poetry reading go sledding in the snow meet at an arcade - even Chucky Cheese's miniature golf or batting cages skip rocks at the local pond/lake feed the ducks ( not bread! choose something good for the ducks) meet after dinner for desert is there anyplace near you to make a campfire and roast marshmallows? visit the exhibit at the library take her to the parade visit the botanical gardens check your city for free entertainment ideas (concert in the park, gallery openings, others) make paper boats, launch them decorate a tree in the park with eatables for the birds

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Took a hiatus but have returned for more pain Posted: 8/19/2009 11:00:32 AM
Wasn't suggesting you remove them, just those the things that would've given me pause. Each woman would see you a bit differently and I'd mentioned most women would be looking for someone just like you. I do agree, however, with adding a bit more 'meat' as someone commented. Sorry to use up one of your posts for my reply.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 101 (view)

Where are the love-help articles for men?! Posted: 8/19/2009 10:48:51 AM
My comment: I gave a copy of 'Light Her Fire' to an ex-boyfriend of mine. He met and married and had four children with the lady he is still with GoneSailing's question: And so was that a good move for you? Or a bad one? LOL! My reply: It was after we'd parted ways. I thought he could use some help. It did help. I would call it a good move for me in that it gave me warm fuzzies to have helped him nurture a relationship with his life-mate when he met her.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Took a hiatus but have returned for more pain Posted: 8/19/2009 5:56:55 AM
Perhaps a little humor? "still have hair and most of my marbles." Something like that. You're in the area I live in and in my age group so I'll comment on why I would not have been interested (besides my already being in a relationship) - Motorcycles. For me, a deal breaker.. and Lutheran. Depends on how active you are. I would not fit in with a traditional man, though most women would be looking for someone exactly like you. If fact, if you could see yourself with a foodie, I might even know someone you'd mesh well with..

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

trying out a new attitude Posted: 8/19/2009 5:47:25 AM
Nice profile. My suggestion is just 'picky' so not really something I see detracting from you. Instead of 'after a recent long-term relationship' .. how about 'after my last long-term relationship' Plus, you're looking for long-term but you're not ready for long-term... the second paragraph isn't necessary. We all date to see who is out there and hope to meet someone who makes that connection with us. What you've stated is understood without being spoken. Stating it detracts from the first paragraph. A man looking for eventual long-term doesn't want to think he is going to be one of many you're dating. You've said you also feel this way but have also said you would like to do this..

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

I need some help please Posted: 8/19/2009 5:35:31 AM
Hello. I'd suggest cropping the child out of the second picture. Include photos with you doing something. At your easel? Playing games. Expand your interests section. Browse a bit to look at other profiles if you aren't sure what else to put down that interests you. (Men browsing men's profiles do not show up in the viewed me list. You'll be browsing anonymously.) Add a blank line between paragraphs to make it visually easier to read online. "I have all sorts of other interests, so if you want to know more, please ask" Instead of this line, include some of those other interests. Never know what will spark the connection between you and the reader. Other than that, keep tweaking and revising over time until it truly describes YOU and not just any generic person.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Ok, here is a question. Posted: 8/19/2009 5:21:31 AM
I'm not sure if you're asking for the children to be picked up at their homes. The school has already stated the funding is not available for that option. Many if not most schools no longer have funding for books. Even if more funds was available, it likely wouldn't be spent on busing. Perhaps the parents can rotate the task of one parent staying with the children on the side of the street until the bus arrives. 36 weeks in a school year, two shifts a day is 72 slots to fill. One parent would need to be willing to organize the program, contact parents, create a calendar, create a neighborhood parent phone list, etc.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

Where are the love-help articles for men?! Posted: 8/18/2009 2:19:11 PM
I gave a copy of 'Light Her Fire' to an ex-boyfriend of mine. He met and married and had four children with the lady he is still with. Told me that book became his bible while he was looking for the right woman. The books are out there. Men don't go looking for them, though.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Venting - but would love some advice to ground me Posted: 8/18/2009 2:04:26 PM
Hesitating to weigh in on this thread because there isn't enough information.. Either your girlfriend is a complete sweetheart doll and is upset that a long-time friend of yours treated her rudely and you didn't defend her then decided to invite this long-time friend over for a second helping of 'pretend not to bash-my-girlfriend while bashing her royally.' or Your girlfriend is someone whom you have to constantly beg and plead and grovel around and who constantly flips out and gets angry for reasons beyond your understanding. Which would make her immature and not ready for a long-term relationship. I'm guessing both are true. So... first, clean things up with the long-time friend. Either that person (in this case a female) begins to treat your live-in love with the respect and warmth due her .. with NO excuses or reasons not to, just do it or leave .. or she is not to be invited into your home. If she is unwilling to change her attitude and behavior toward your live-in then you're going to have to choose between keeping a b*tchy friend or keeping your live-in love. Period. Second, a book I recommend is mentioned in my profile here. It's intended for children, including teens .. but will apply with anyone. I suggest picking it up, reading it, and checking out other books by the same author. Sincerely. You're going to have to open the lines of communication in your relationship and you apparently need help doing that. Continuing as you're continuing is only going to lead to an unhappy, drawn-out relationship, possibly involving children at some point and then an angry, messy breakup/divorce down the road. Work on the relationship you have. Stop being the doormat (to your live-in and to your long-term). Stop treating your live in like she isn't the most important part of your life. Fix what you have. It's easier to fix at this stage in your relationship than it will be to try and fix in a year or a few when things get even harder. Doing what you've been doing and hoping things will have a different result is not going to achieve the sort of relationship you want. If you love the lady you live with. Start reading a few books on how to improve things in your relationship and in your home. Buy the book. It will help you to understand what is going on in your home and relationship and how to make that better. It's going to help you handle both situations: the one with your live-in's attitude (and punctuality and communication issues, all of it) and the situation with your long-term friend continuing to be rude. I promise. Shoot me an email if you'd like recommendations for a couple other books I think could make the difference between a happy future together or a break up in the near future.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Your Baby Can Read Posted: 8/18/2009 8:54:07 AM
I learned to read at age 3. My older sister brought home from school her science book and would read it to me. I learned to read simply by following along. I did not learn to read phonetically until I was in my 30s and taught myself because I found it was a skill I wanted to have. I could read silently with comprehension but I was not able to read a word out loud if I had never encountered it in print before. If it was not part of my verbal vocabulary, I could not figure out how to pronounce it from the letter on the page so I taught myself phonetics later in life. We don't teach algebra at a younger age, for example, because it involves abstract thinking. That isn't present in adolescents until age 14-16 or so. There are so many other ways to explore the world with your toddler and pre-schooler that can introduce him/her to a wide variety of things and ideas and experiences. This will teach curiosity and a love of learning. I see that as much more important than teaching your baby to read. Let your small baby learn the things all babies learn naturally. From my experience, I'd conclude it is not going to benefit your child to learn to read early. I'd suggest spending time reading to your children, teaching a love for books and the information in them. Reading will come in good time. As your children learn to read, providing books and continuing to read as well as being a parent who reads with them will foster the love of reading you're likely hoping they will have.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

If he didn't like it, would you want him to eat it anyway? Posted: 8/18/2009 8:00:06 AM
It depends on what I've prepared. Something very exotic, I wouldn't be annoyed that he didn't like it. His not liking my cooking would have to be the occasional exception, though. Sorry, but I draw a line at picky eaters. If I'd cooked up something fairly basic ...well, as dating potentially leads to long-term, and as I don't see myself in a relationship with a picky eater .. it could mean we wouldn't be seeing each other again. I'm a decent cook so someone who: doesn't eat vegetables, doesn't eat salads, doesn't eat fish, only eats certain foods for breakfast, won't try what they don't like cooked a new way they might decide they like, only eats white bread and so on is a definite turn-off. I enjoy putting together a pleasant meal. The pleasure of cooking, however, is not there when trying to cook for a picky eater. I can't see limiting my cooking for the long-term to the same boring menus his mother put on her table. ..I don't consider those with medical conditions such as real allergies or low sodium requirements to be picky eaters. That I will accommodate cheerfully.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 235 (view)

Haiku Connection Posted: 8/14/2009 6:41:09 AM
strength is carrier somewhere over the rainbow beyond sky's thunder (whoops, too late) faith brings about change shift your allegiance to peace be a peacemaker

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

What do you think single folks? Posted: 8/13/2009 6:09:36 AM
Discipline can be much easier than you might be experiencing. In addition to the book packagedealx3 recommended, I would add: 'Have a New Kid by Friday How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days' ~ by Dr. Kevin Leman I had a hard time with the woman my ex married who had a controlling, screaming personality. At 11, my daughter was accused of not putting the toaster back in the drawer it was kept in her kitchen during a visit with her father. At 22, this woman STILL does not permit my youngest daughter to have much contact with her father and cites incidences such as that one as the reason. It was hard raising her to heal past that woman's abuse. We did it, though. My youngest is a lovely, self-sufficient woman who graduates college this week and is already looking at continuing her studies toward a Master's degree.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Seriously? Posted: 8/13/2009 5:32:34 AM
Fairly early on, in the chatting on the net stage, we both asked 'So, tell me about your kids.' I was disappointed when he didn't tell me more right away but didn't press. Neither of us were gamers. But if we were considering meeting someone who could potentially be a full-blown relationship the children are going to come up. It doesn't feel wrong that he asked, or wrong that you said you'd rather wait a bit before revealing much about them. However, 'what are their names' doesn't seem like a question that's out-of-line even though your answer was to demure for the present on the topic. That he became irate, well, told quite a bit about him that you'd want to know before meeting him and eventually introducing him to your children anyway. If this is what he is like when he's presenting himself, imagine what he'd be like when he gets comfortable? As terrific as he seemed at first, he doesn't sound all that compatible with you after all.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 161 (view)

Haiku Connection Posted: 8/11/2009 5:10:37 AM
gentle as the sea my life, lover, my lady old seaman's lament

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 116 (view)

Haiku Connection Posted: 8/9/2009 11:43:24 AM
lovers forever soulmates, long lost, recognize once upon a time

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Sometimes I really wish there was a man in the house ... Posted: 8/7/2009 5:55:57 AM
One evening, when my late husband was still alive, I was sitting in the main area of the house watching television in the dark. My husband was busy in the bedroom. A full-grown, sleek and shiny, healthy looking skunk came out of the extra bedroom, walked through the main room and toward the back of the house where we kept a large bag of catfood (all the neighborhood stray cats knew they could get a free meal at our home.) I could barely talk when I sneaked quietly into the bedroom to tell my husband. His reply? "Oh, I he's been living in there for about a year." My gentle husband, absolutely non-violent, considered it an honor to share space with nature. It took three days to figure out and provide a safe exit for the skunk without tripping it's scent trigger. Fortunately skunks roam rather than return to a homebase. (We also had a nutria and several baby opossums attempt to set up housekeeping with us. My husband didn't mind if I didn't want them in the house, as long as they weren't harmed in the process of inviting them to leave. We would trap live mice as they became known. My husband would put them in a small cage, strap them to the back of his motorcycle and take them out to the protected nature reserve. They likely became part of the food chain but he felt that was more along the natural order of life and that they at least had a shot at making it...)

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

My daughter does not want me to date outside of my race. Posted: 8/7/2009 5:36:10 AM
May I suggest a net search: 'talking to children about race'

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Haiku Connection Posted: 8/7/2009 5:14:57 AM
dancing all night long one singular sensation every moves she makes

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 113 (view)

Should I? Posted: 8/6/2009 4:32:32 PM
Bottom-line is: You have an attorney and a court date. Do what your attorney has advised. Things may change in the future. For now, just do what you're being advised to do. If your child's father is harassing you about this, let your attorney know that too.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

would u date a woman with a kids with behavoural problems? Posted: 8/6/2009 4:17:33 PM
I became involved with a single parent Dad. His relationship with his three teens has gotten even better with me in the picture. I believe there is a wonderful person out there for you who will create a nurturing relationship with your children too. I'm proof it's possible .. even probable. Have you looked into getting involved with your local Parents Without Partners group? A night out for everyone in a safe and fun environment where the kids are just in the next room .. and where people know what you're going through because they're right in the soup with you..

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Haiku Connection Posted: 8/6/2009 4:09:25 PM
wings in camouflage disguised angels secured peace mission accomplished ( I love this new thread, M. Smoooooth!)

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Quotes From Scientists/Philosophers You Like: Posted: 8/6/2009 3:59:31 PM
I've posted it in another thread recently .. but here again for yours: "Today you and I woke up and found it easy NOT to kill anyone. Our society however, can't say the same. It's time for society to take a different direction that conforms to what the individual wants. There can be no excuse for living our comfortable lives embedded in a culture of mechanized death and violence. The way of peace isn't based on religion or morality. It doesn't ask us to be saints overnight, or to renounce our feelings of anger or our thirst for revenge. The way of peace is based on the same thing that ushered in the age of science: a leap in consciousness. If you and I demonstrate that peace is more satisfying than war, the collective consciousness will shift. If you shift your allegiance to peace, war ends for you today. This happens one person at a time. Join us. Become a Peacemaker. When you are firmly established in non-violence, all Beings around you will cease to feel hostility. We must not bring one war to an end - or thirty - but the idea of war itself." ~ Deepak Chopra

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Haiku Connection Posted: 8/6/2009 3:49:48 PM
a wonderful day not just something to sneeze at i was moving on

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Guys - how can I suss out the Jekyl and Hyde men? Posted: 8/6/2009 8:36:22 AM
No matter how much you like him and feel good about yourself when you're around him, it's against the odds you're going to get to know someone in 2-3 months to make a lifetime commitment. (moving in together) It happens, but it's not the norm. Did you know that, among other ways of improving your self-esteem and your inner relationship-picker-o-meter, a good hypnotherapist can help you get at the root of and heal past the 'why you keep finding yourself repeatedly choosing men of the same personality' and 'why you stay longer than you should in relationships that don't nurture'?

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/6/2009 8:24:02 AM
What I hear you really saying is: make you breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks .. 365 days a year .. whether or not I'm going to eat right when you do or not... ...and you will do the occasional odd jobs as they come up and as they interest you or if fall into your definition of 'men's work'... Nice try. With households having two people working outside the home full-time, it falls to everyone in the home, adults and children too .. to keep the home running. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, maintenance, automobiles, meal planning, shopping, activity planning, etc, etc, are things everyone needs to learn and participate in. I, by the way, advised my three daughters NOT to learn to cook, or rather, to learn to cook only the things they like to eat. Big deal, you want to grill out a couple times a month during the warm months. I suggested they only learn to cook if they enjoyed it .. otherwise, only learn what they like to eat, like any bachelor/bachelorette. Two of my daughters love cooking and have taken on that role in their homes. My other daughter doesn't even like to go into the kitchen for a glass of water, though she does know how to feed herself and can cook if she has to. She paired up with a man who enjoys cooking as a hobby and who prefers that it's 'his kitchen'. You want a sandwich? Learn to spell it, this is not kindergarten, (you hit one of my pet peeve buttons - babytalk in adults .. ugh!) .. and fix it yourself unless I offer .. or unless you ask me to and you also do the same for me more than just rarely. Are you looking for a life-companion or a mommy to pick up your socks? Sheesh!

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Haiku Connection Posted: 8/6/2009 4:54:10 AM
mystic seeds of love truths beyond the intellect tenderly nurtured (yawwwn* - 'morning M, all)*

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 13860 (view)

Haiku Posted: 8/5/2009 2:16:08 PM
my soul surrenders healing is a look within an abstract collage

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers??? Posted: 8/5/2009 7:21:36 AM
Please consider adding me to your Favorites so I may send you a private message.

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

Haiku Game - Continuance from Previous Thread #3 Posted: 8/2/2009 5:59:30 AM
hearts of sweet lovers tasted, greedily gobbled consumers sated

expat57

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 76 (view)

So why are a man's hands so attractive to women? Posted: 8/1/2009 12:11:20 PM
Another one of those things I like so much I mentioned it in my profile. ..but not just anyone's hands. The guy-in-my-life's hands....!

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