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Thread: Question about Favorites

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Question about Favorites Posted: 7/21/2008 8:38:20 PM
That's been my stance, just let well enough alone. In the end, if they want to contact me, they will, otherwise they won't. The only time I contact if they've put me as a favorite would be if I couldn't have contacted them otherwise due to a constraint such as maximum distance or what not....but...thus far, those have turned out just the same as the others....not much in the response department. I'm just going to conclude that some things in this universe either can't...or are better left unexplained!!! haha

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Question about Favorites Posted: 7/21/2008 3:02:46 PM
I live in a fairly remote area, and all too often someone interesting has a “75 mile limit” posted as an email constraint in their profile. So I’ve often included them as a favorite to see if they would message me. But on the same token I have and have had plenty of women who have included me on their favorites list, but who have never contacted me. I don’t have any constraints (other than photo required) so at first I thought it might be shyness, but when I went to message them I all too often would get only a short, one-time reply, or no reply at all. So I’m still puzzled as to why someone would include another person on their favorites list and then never make, nor respond to any form of contract……potential stalker maybe ??

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 406 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 6/27/2008 6:28:34 PM
Don't get angry by my comments now, im speaking hypothetically. But, its well known that ARIES people are some of the most nasty, selfish, narcisstic, sadistic people out there. Cross an Aries with BPD and u get someone who, u wouldnt really want to know, not that it applies to u Quazi. I'm an aries!! I have my own biases, but not one of generalizing an entire population of people whether based upon their astrological sign or something else.....everyone is different, regardless of their "sign".

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 397 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 6/26/2008 2:29:33 PM
Quazi.... between your input (which has been invaluable) and what i've read on mental health websites I've been able to deal with this reasonably well. Its always the hardest thing to lose someone you love, but at least the information provided by you and also those other websites has allowed me to put this into perspective and reduce the emotional damage that I suffered. Thanks Again!

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 393 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 6/24/2008 2:49:26 PM
"How do i accept there is no explanation to a BPDs malicious behaviour?" But there is an explanation: BPDs ARE MENTALLY ILL! Its interesting. I figure that the supposedly "rational" mind of the non-BPD wants a rational explanation, but in this case it isn't going to happen. I finally had to accept that her actions were akin to trying to explain an infinite universe....something that tends to drive someone nuts the more they try to think about it. ... thus, i've accepted it as fact....She had/has a mental illness and no other explanation is necessary. Borderlines as a rule don't apologize for anything....I have overcome that part of it....if you get an apology, let me know...... Quazi......this is interesting to me.....my 'former' BPD did apologize, when she was in her "rational" or "normal" mode, but when she turned or split all bets were off and i was always wrong....but like i said, she would apologize when in the right state of mind. Its as if she knew she was messed up, but just couldn't control it. Of course, she may not have been BPD, but i've read a lot about the illness and she had virtually every characteristic.

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 377 (view)

PLEASE HELP Posted: 6/22/2008 8:20:19 PM
MBLEGENDjeah, It'll get better. I know because I'm going through the same thing right now. However, what I came to realize that helped with both the split and my recovery is that I'd have been much, much worse off if I were still with her! When the problems began they escallated exponentially. It took a huge toll on me and even then it was the most difficult thing in the world that I've ever done to walk away. So, I feel your pain, I really do. But trust me, keep getting help, don't focus on her ( she choose her path, you need to focus on yours), and you will get better. Fingers crossed for you.

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 370 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 6/21/2008 9:16:59 AM
I should also add that when she fell into those “moody periods” there was nothing I could do to help and nothing I did that was right. If I tried to help I’d get an angry “you are preaching to me. I can deal with this myself. I’ve never been able to count on anyone but myself”. But if I did as she asked, letting her deal with her problem, then I was berated for not being supportive enough for her. I even thought/hoped that holding out and letting her know that I loved her would be enough – ultimately none of it was. So when SO’s or professionals who’ve been with BPD’s say run, I now understand, its for the sake of saving whatever is left mentally for the non-BPD.

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 369 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 6/21/2008 8:46:13 AM
I’ve just recently been in a relationship with a woman who exhibited virtually all of the signs of BPD. To me it was often frustrating as she would make me the villain one day, then be loving the next. The closer we became emotionally, she would display the classic signs of the disorder with greater frequency and severity. In the end I realized that her destructive behavior was having a harmful effect on me. It was perhaps the sadist time of my life as I had felt that this woman was the one I wanted to spend my life with. But just as the BPD needs professional help, the non-BPD, as I realized finally, risks great personal harm if he/she lingers on in such a relationship. When it finally dawned on me that things weren’t likely to get any better it became easier to let go, but knowing what we had, even if for a while, has made it hard at times for me to recover.

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 162 (view)

borderline personality disorder-any info? Posted: 6/21/2008 8:42:20 AM
I’ve just recently been in a relationship with a woman who exhibited virtually all of the signs of BPD. To me it was often frustrating as she would make me the villain one day, then be loving the next. The closer we became emotionally, she would display the classic signs of the disorder with greater frequency and severity. In the end I realized that her destructive behavior was having a harmful effect on me. It was perhaps the sadist time of my life as I had felt that this woman was the one I wanted to spend my life with. But just as the BPD needs professional help, the non-BPD, as I realized finally, risks great personal harm if he/she lingers on in such a relationship. When it finally dawned on me that things weren’t likely to get any better it became easier to let go, but knowing what we had, even if for a while, has made it hard at times for me to recover.

Joined: 2/20/2008

Msg: 1120 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 6/13/2008 11:26:29 AM
Warning: Long Post: I entered into a relationship that I knew I should have avoided beforehand. It was a (very) long distance relationship with a woman I met online. It was early January this year, and she was separated and in the divorce process which was just completed the end of May. Also, this was her second marriage – later she told me that in both marriages she had felt that she had been emotionally abused. The first night we chatted it was an instant click for each of us and we even began discussing meeting the following weekend. In fact, we did just that and not too long after we were both in love and even talking of a lifetime together. However, the problems began when she had some trouble with her ex, but didn’t tell me that what was going on. I assumed she was upset with me and I reacted by pulling away. Ever since that time she used that as an excuse for distancing herself from me – something which she did with increasing frequency over time. Basically, she would oscillate between two states: one where she seemed happy, open and very loving. The other where she would close off and distance herself from me. While I didn’t want to think that she was on the rebound i’m sure that she must have been. She told me once that she wasn’t with her reasoning being that, in her mind, the marriage was over long ago and that she should have done the divorce long ago as well. However, the signs were there: mood changes, being clingy and needy, etc., but I let myself believe what she told me and convinced myself that it would work out for us. Ultimately, during my last visit (end of May – just in time for her divorce to be finalized) she ended the relationship on the day I was to drive back home. There were plenty of signs while I was there (again, she would distance herself at times and her mood would change between extremes). I should say that I’ve had already been practicing some of what jarbarian wrote to start this thread. I have avoided contacting her, though she has contacted me quite often in these past 2 weeks, and I have responded (felt unable to not respond would be more appropriate). I still love her and hate the thought of not being with her, and often in her emails to me her constant line is that she loves me and misses me, but that she is confused and feels that she will never be certain of anything again. This relationship devastated me, and now I’m slowly working on turning myself around….basically following Jarbarian’s advice before I even read it! I do have hopes that someday I’ll be back with her, though in my mind I feel it is unlikely. However, I do have a question: why would she break up with me, but then not just continue to try and keep contact with me, but to go so far as to say that she still loves and misses me? Is it just low self-esteem and neediness on her part and she is missing my love making her feel better about herself, or is it something else? In other words, I suppose that I find myself clinging to hope that I derive from this statement of hers and I worry that I’m just setting myself up for and even bigger fall than I’ve already taken.

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