Some people are here for the sociability aspect, that is, looking for dating and friends. Some are looking for long term relationships. My question is: You are over 45, and at this age, it seems more difficult than ever to find 'the one.' Will you be happy to stay single for the rest of your life? I don't mean will you accept it, perhaps reluctantly, but will you be happy to stay single? Is it a preference or an acceptance of reality? Would it be better to date and have short term relationships or no relationships at all, or to have a serious, long term relationship, to be completely involved, perhaps married?

It is possible, based on what I'm learning about single life in these forums perhaps more than possible, that a lot of us, maybe most of us, will end up being single for the rest of our lives, and so I am wondering whether this is something we may just have to accept (for me that's what it would be), or is it something we prefer?

Posted By: the_fat_bandit on 5/26/2008 8:00:29 AM
Subject: I quit
Message: Yeah I know what you mean...I send out 150 emails one day and no one replied. After 5 dating sites...contacting about 1500 women and 2 dating services costing me $3000...I've been single for like 15 years. I really haven't quit...but I preety much given up.

How many times have you seen a profile that interests you...crafted a well thought out e-mail...sent it...
only to see "read/deleted"...
Am I the only person who actually responds to ALL e-mails sent...

I know at my age of 58 now, I'm looking for someone I can be comfortable with, have fun with and enjoy living just a normal daily life with. Sure, that will include some fun times of going out and doing things but it would also include just ordinary things like going grocery shopping together or doing things around the house.

The other day I saw this middle aged couple going around the garden shop and picking out flowers for their garden and then loading them into their car and I could imagine the rest of their day..........going home, planting the flowers, cleaning up, then sitting out on their patio barbecuing and enjoying their new garden......relaxing in a jacuzzi after dinner............laughing, loving.......

In my younger years it was all about sex and our jobs and then the family and kids. There's a familiarity of years together.........knowing each other even if you aren't happy with each other.

Then suddenly to be single.........you are used to the familiarity and the closeness being there and it's hard to feel any of that with a stranger. And as someone said above, it does take some energy and motivation to get to know someone else so those feelings of closeness and familiarity can be there again.....

Also I think that finding a relationship in middle age demands that we see attraction as more then just physical looks ......... That we realize that as we get to know and like and love someone, they become attractive to us........... Some people never stop looking for that instant attraction that happened when we were young and I think it happens differently when you are older........JMO

depresion and relationship
Posted: 10/14/2007 817 AM
First of all depression is spelled with two esses breakup is not spelled like a car part

Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 26
view profile

Ready to give up
Posted: 6/18/2006 1129 AM





I suspect that for this person reality is: she'll keep making mistakes

Some people learn from a mistake. Other's make another mistake, then make another mistake, then make another mistake,........

I am a long time smoker and HECK YES I would quit for little Miss Right.

I am very considerate of others. Smoking is a stinky mess.

When my kids (girls 25 and 27) are over to my house - I don't smoke PERIOD.

When I went out with a non-smoker a couple of weeks ago - I did not smoke for like 5 hours.

I would start right off not smoking around her - start cutting down (I am not exactly a chain smoker now) - keep cutting down.

I can already go for hours without smoking if there is a good reason too. Until I could quit or not make it past several hours - I would go outside even if we were here at my house.

I would LOVE a good reason to quit. Smoking SUCKS.

Side note - besides there would prolly be much better things to suck on.

What I don't understand about society today, is they yearn for the truth to life, religion or whatever, and someone or something comes along to show them the truth they either deny it or are scared of it and run away or even alienate it, or mabye its like you said they just don't talk about it.=)

Hi. I was having a discussion with a male friend of mine about how much money should be enough to support a woman and a family, should two singles take the plunge. Although I feel that if I meet the woman I love and cherish, I will naturally want to give her everything she could want and more. Win the world for her. I have only a few hobbies that are fairly inexpensive and therefore, with whatever I made financially, after a budget is set to plan for the future and cover the current bills and pay for bills, etc, I really don't care if she spends the rest on herself. I can be pretty content on very little. So, I want to preface what I'm about to say with my philosophy that's very unselfish and giving.

However, if I were to meet the right woman, even though I would love to become rich and give her whatever she wants, I don't think that money is the basis for happiness. I know there are studies showing that most conflicts that occur in marriage occur over money issues, but it's usually over how to spend the excess amounts (vs not having enough). My question for you women: What is enough? I'm a psychologist, by the way, and have access to a great deal of research on how much, how it affects marriages.

For instance, I know of women who want large homes and their argument is to provide for the children. However, studies show that families that grow up in smaller homes produce healthier children. The reason is common sense if you think about it: Children forced to share a room or bathrooms are learn about sharing, how to get along with less. It doesn't spoil them. Another thing to think about: For the majority of history and for most of the world today, Americans live with far, far more than the rest. A friend of mine travelled to Mexico, for instance, to help build a house for a pastor (with a family), in a small village. It took them only one weekend to build it because it was only one small room with an outhouse out back. He said it was by far the nicest house in the village: the others did not have running water, no floors to their homes.

Of course, I can't imagine providing anything less than a nice home for my future wife, with all the modern conveniences. But, this example just puts things into perspective for me: How much is enough provision?

Isn't a home (regardless of size) that provides a roof and shelter and modern conveniences enough? Of course, I plan to provide much more, but isn't this enough?

Just a few decades ago, families grew up in tiny homes, the kids shared bedrooms, etc and it appears that most people my age who grew up like that are very well adjusted vs the kids we see growing up today, who have everything.

Finally, with women making about as much as men, why does the double-standard exist? I'm single in my forties and dated many many women over the years and have probably paid out on dates a total of over $50,000 in my life. When I've spent money on several dates with one woman, I expect her to give back something (at least cook or offer something). If this ruffles some feathers, just reverse the situation and imagine spending your hard earned money on people who just take it for granted. Literally. It made sense for men to do this when traditional marriages were around, but I know many women who make a lot of money and are tight as can be (they spend their money on their houses, clothing, etc).

The view that "The Bible Is Full of Errors" typically stems from one or more of the following areas:

"Assuming that the Unexplained Is Not Explainable,"

"Presuming the Bible Guilty Until Proven Innocent,"

"Confusing Our Fallible Interpretations with God's Infallible Revelation,"

"Failing to Understand the Context of the Passage,"

"Neglecting to Interpret Difficult Passages in the Light of Clear Ones,"

"Basing a Teaching on an Obscure Passage,"

"Forgetting that the Bible Is a Human Book with Human Characteristics,"

"Assuming that a Partial Report is a False Report,"

"Demanding that NT Citations of the OT Always Be Exact Quotations,"

"Assuming that Divergent Accounts Are False Ones,"

"Assuming that the Bible Approves of All it Records,"

"Forgetting that the Bible Uses Non-technical, Everyday Language,"

"Assuming that Round Numbers Are False,"

"Neglecting to Note that the Bible Uses Different Literary Devices,"

"Forgetting that Only the Original Text, Not Every Copy of Scripture Is Without Error,"

"Confusing General Statements with Universal Ones,"

"Forgetting that Later Revelation Supersedes Previous Revelation,"

and most importantly, many people remain unaware that the Scriptures cannot be clearly understood by those outside of the kingdom(1 Cor. 1.27-28; 2.14; 2 Cor. 4.3-4; Jn. 14.17; 9.39; 2 Pet. 3.16).

I'm using that as an analagy... But when I said that do you SEE where I am coming from? And I don't think they mean babies LITERALLY. I'm sure they mean it as in innocence or humility. Not literally babies. I'll have to look into that too.

I have only met this girl one time, and I have no idea on how to get ahold of her. And, blastkist, I was warned by his first ex wife, when I was pregnant with our oldest son. I was also warned about how he was from others. I didn't believe her, or my friends, like the fool that I was, I defended him, and I turned my back on my friends for him. What is so bad is that when we went to court regarding Domestic Violence, I told the judge that I started it so he wouldn't get into trouble. We have been back 2 other times since, and I've tried to be honest, and tell them the truth this time, but it has backfired. I think the judicial system sucks!!!! I just don't want to see her hurt the way that I was. He is very manipulative.

How could I go about trying to warn her without her thinking that I'm just jealous?