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Thread: If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned Posted: 1/14/2009 3:23:06 PM
Walking through the cemetery the other day, I saw a bloke hiding behind a tombstone. "Morning" I said. "No, just taking a sit" he replied. ----- A recent study asked a group of women if their c*t twitched after sex. 98% said No, he just lays there scratching his nuts.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 236 (view)

Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny Posted: 1/14/2009 2:43:41 PM
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be baygulls (bagels)

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 257 (view)

Favorite Retro Song Posted: 8/20/2005 5:08:56 PM
Men without hats - Safety dance Falco - Rock me Amadeus Animotion - Obsession

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

allrighty then Fav South Park epis... or line Posted: 8/20/2005 10:43:02 AM
"Maykin' movies, maykin' sorngs an foitin' rahnd the wurld" - Russell Crowe. LOL

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 255 (view)

Favorite Retro Song Posted: 8/19/2005 2:44:30 PM
Blondie - Heart of Glass Adam Ant - Stand and Deliver Elvis Costello - Olivers Army Dead or Alive - You Spin me Round

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 2644 (view)

Let ME analyze your profile for you Posted: 8/14/2005 6:11:59 AM
Cheers Spidey You da (wo)man / lady hahaha something lost in translation--- slang Sorry tho, which bit are you refering to there? not all of it I hope. >Cheesy pap - YUP tis bad everywhere. That's the point. i.e. Rick Astley (the quiffed prince of pop) IS a legend. (It gets a giggle, so...) Thank you again.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 2450 (view)

Let ME analyze your profile for you Posted: 8/3/2005 3:39:32 PM
Hi Spiderwoman I'll be most grateful if you can help me tweak where you think neccesary so... Do your worst. (whenever you have the time, as I can appreciate you must be pretty busy - hats off to ya ) Many thanks in advance.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

It sounds dirty but it's not Posted: 7/30/2005 3:27:58 PM
My Favorite : Masticate I don't know if it was ever shown in the US but over here in blighty we had a KIDS show (Captain Pugwash) which used to feature a Master Bates and Roger the cabin boy. They dont make 'em like they used to. *Sigh

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 58 (view)

Paris Hilton ha ha ha Posted: 7/29/2005 4:43:42 PM
How do you make Paris Hilton scream twice? Wipe your sh1tty c0ck on her Gucchi handbag.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 55 (view)

A naughty nun Posted: 7/29/2005 2:50:03 PM
Sister Mary is driving through the country with Mother Superior until a demon materialises on the bonnet. Poor Mary asks “Oh Mother Superior, what should I do?” Calmly, Mother replies “It’s OK child, just show him your cross.” “GET THE ** OFF MY ING CAR YOU ING LITTLE **!!” she screams.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Open Your Fantasy Restaurant, What Would It Be?? Posted: 7/29/2005 4:33:38 AM
I would love to open an olde style pub by the beach that specialises in seafood - fish pie being an obligatory menu item, of course - would have to call it The bearded clam.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 71 (view)

What the F---! Posted: 7/27/2005 3:50:13 AM
The name of the site sums it up perfectly. Would you go fishing without any bait?

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 51 (view)

A Pearl of Wisdom Posted: 7/25/2005 4:23:20 PM
@ Dbax : What's a chav? Sorry to take so long to answer, but if you don't know yet just google chavscum uk, that will tell you all you need to know (maybe even too much) OT: The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out. The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 130 (view)

Fun One Liners Posted: 7/24/2005 4:18:18 PM
Thanks poshrat. Another one of my favorites (courtesy of red meat) : Never drink the shampoo, no matter how good it smells.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 128 (view)

Fun One Liners Posted: 7/23/2005 5:26:58 AM
There's 10 types of people that understand binary - Those who do and those who dont.

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 127 (view)

Fun One Liners Posted: 7/23/2005 4:36:47 AM
Procrastinate tommorow I'm a Buddhist Existentialist - I think therefore I OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'me' if you look hard enough. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure. "The difference between genius and stupidity is that there is no limit to stupidity" -> Albert Einstein

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 416 (view)

What is your favorite movie quote? Posted: 7/21/2005 9:23:44 PM
The Withnail quote above truly is THE best quote from the film. But some other gems too: "We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now" "What ****er said that?" "I have a heart condition, if you hit me that'll be murder" "My wife is having a baby" "I demand to have some booze"

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

What's the 2 biggest lies men tell women? Posted: 7/13/2005 7:29:45 PM
Sorry to any chavs (not really) but I can't resist How do you get a chav of a swing? Hit them in the face with an axe

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

What's the 2 biggest lies men tell women? Posted: 7/13/2005 7:25:20 PM
This one tickled me today Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they'd be called baygulls and a collection of chav jokes: What do you call a chav in a box? In it What do you call a chav in a metal box? Safe What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 107 (view)

Are accents sexy? Which one is your favorite? Posted: 7/13/2005 12:16:40 PM
Niggella Lawson English = sexy / Jade Goody English = definatley NOT! German Russian and French

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

lyric quotes game Posted: 7/13/2005 7:09:37 AM
Save Tonight - Eagle eye Cherry ->They can’t hurt you now, Can’t hurt you now, can’t hurt you now

Joined: 7/8/2005

Msg: 393 (view)

What is your favorite movie quote? Posted: 7/13/2005 6:56:40 AM
"PONCE!" "Bloody fool, you should never mix your drinks" "Monty you terrible ct!" "GETINTHEBACKOFTHEVAN!!!" -- Withnail & I "Some day all this will be yours" - "What, the curtains?" "She turned me into a newt. . . I got better" "I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey bottom biters" -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail "come on, 'aggle" "He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy" "How would you like us to fk off lord?" -- Monty Pythons life of of Brian "You were only supposed to blow the blady doors off" -- The Italian job "Matt Damon" --Team America "Froggy loves Daddy, Daddy loves froggy" --Blazing saddles

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