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Thread: Celibate since April, 1992

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Celibate since April, 1992 Posted: 11/22/2009 2:17:23 AM
OP, my bet is that the medication you are taking for depression is an SSRI. Good news...bad news; Good news: they are currently the first line agent for depression, and, for a lot of people do very well. Bad news: one of the potential side effects is exactly what you are describing...sexual dysfunction; both physical and psychological, in the areas of desire, arousal, and orgasm. The issue with side effects is that they effect all of us differently, some people won't be bothered at all, some slightly annoyed, and some devistated. The "good news" in your case, if you can call it that, is that it effected your desire; i.e. you really don't miss it, so it's no big deal. If your meds are working for you depression wise, you may be hesitant to change; if however, you are receptive to changing, ask your doc about Welbutrin. It's a very good antidepressant that has a MUCH more favorable side effect profile than the SSRI's. Good luck.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Help with endurance Posted: 11/22/2009 1:56:12 AM
I mean, I've accomplished what I wanted, I got off, but I'd like to give her a few minutes more before she thinks what a waste of her time. I hate to be a pr1ck, but, you sound like an extraordinarily selfish lover. "I got what I want..." Really? Then you take the advice of people who say "watch porn" but completely discount the one gentleman who gave you sound, medically based, advice. 1/You say, "I got what I want" 2/Your reason for wanting to last longer is so she doesn't think "what a waste of time" 3/You think exercising the region of the body you are discussing "sounds weird" 4/You think the answer is to "adjust your porn habits" Since these are your responses, I'm going to assume you have no idea what I'm trying to point out; so I'll explain. 1/Sex should be about GIVING pleasure. Your number one priority should be HER pleasure. What you "want" should be to give her as many orgasms, in as many ways, as she can possibly tolerate. 2/Instead of trying to avoid "what a waste of time" why don't you start striving for "OMG...he is an incredible lover!" 3/The physiology you are discussing is the penis, testicles, and prostate...ANYTHING you do to change what you are currently experiencing is going to HAVE to address these areas. If you think "exercising them" "sounds weird" then you have other issues that seriously need to be addressed. 4/Think about it, look at the responses; which ones appear to be the most thought out, and/or physiologically based? The fact is that you know about porn, and use porn, and STILL have the problem. I.E. PORN WON'T HELP. You stated that you start with oral, in order to get you erect. Do you have problems getting erect? As I see it, you apparently need specific stimulation to get an erection; then have issues with premature ejaculation; seem to have very little concern over pleasing your lover; AND think Kegels sound "weird". This is not ONE problem, this is NUMEROUS problems, ALL involving different aspects of sex. There are other things you said that raise red flags, but I'm not going to address them here. Please understand that I'm NOT trying to be a smart a$$; but I would truly advise you to see a sex therapist. Sex has SOOOOO much more to offer, and, at this point, both you, and your lovers, are missing out on almost everything good; so for both your sakes, I recommend professional help. In the meantime, if you don't have a steady lover who is willing to work with you, the Kegals really are the best advice you've gotten.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

rape/molestation victims and dating..... Posted: 11/20/2009 12:57:09 AM
It is not only a very personal issue; it's a very individual issue. Some people are able to dust off, and move on, without it effecting them excessively; while for others it's a life altering/shattering event. Personally, while I can't quote any of the numbers now, I've read the data; and was absolutely stunned at how many people something like this has happened to; BOTH male and female. As far as sharing intimate information with someone is concerned; if I'm going to have a long term relationship with someone; I don't want ANY skeletons in the closet that they aren't aware of. In that respect; I feel that it is imperative to, at some point, discuss anything that may, or may not, reappear at some point in your future. On the other hand, if it occurred in your distant past; but it's still something that is coming up on the first or second dates, it is obviously something that you have not sufficiently worked through; and in that case I strongly urge seeking professional help. By "you" I'm referring to anyone with this issue; not specifically the OP. As far as "is it worse with a stranger, or family member?" The bottom line is...it depends. There are SOOOO many factors involved from degree of physical violation, to degree of threat to personal integrety/safety, to reactions/support (or lack there of) from friends, family members, and society in general, etc; to say nothing of personal psychological issues like guilt or shame, etc. If you've had more than one or two people who you "eventually got serious about dating", who "didn't handle it well"; it tells me that you possible do have issues that should be addressed, and that the assault itself may not be the crux of the problem. Time, in and of itself, does not heal all wounds; and psychological wounds are frequently far more difficult to heal than physical ones; and one HUGE mistake that people frequently make is to think, "I don't need to see anyone, I can work through this myself." Bottom line: if it happened several years ago, and is still causing problems, then NO, you can't work through it by yourself; and yes, seeing someone IS the acceptable, and appropriate thing to do.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Her Orgasm Posted: 11/19/2009 11:55:41 PM
OK, I'll bite. It's NOT an "either or" type of question. We are ALL responsible for our own orgasms in so much as WE are responsible for communicating to our lovers what it is that does it for us. OF COURSE you have to explore your lover's body; however, if they're not communicating what it is that you are doing that is working, you'll never be able to figure it out. I am going to explore from the bottom of her feet to the top of her head, but she MUST tell me when I hit a good spot; and whether she prefers soft or firm, wet or dry, gentle or rough, licking or brushing, sucking or pressure, etc. It's always much easier if your lover will give you a little heads up ahead of time; but they absolutely must tell you when, where, and how, to work a spot once you get there. The really fun stuff happens when, using a little imagination, you find ways, and things, that rock their world, that they weren't even aware of. Nothing better than the occassional "OMG that was incredible; no one has ever done that before!" Of course, that just starts the wheels turning of..."I wonder what else no one has ever tried?!!!"

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 165 (view)

Have You or would You consider Dating a Crossdresser Posted: 11/19/2009 11:38:25 PM
I LOVE cross dressers!!! Seeing a woman walking around the house wearing one of my shirts... just saying...

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 71 (view)

whats the most orgasms you've had in one day? Posted: 11/19/2009 11:31:59 PM
Rock on Dave. I get a kick out of those who climb on their pedestals and exclaim "quality over quantity is superior!" Like you, I have yet to meet a woman who said, "d@mn, I wish I hadn't had as many orgasms, I just wanted to spend time with you." Bottom line: you can have BOTH!!! Personally, I've managed to do quite well learning good G-spot and A-spot techniques. Some women are truly capable of "limitless" orgasms. I've personally been with three who could have 40+, one of whom could literally orgasm indefinately. My bet is that a very large percentage of women are capable of many, many, orgasms; once they, and their lover, figure out how to get her there. To answer the OP, for me personally, in my 20's, I once had 5 orgasms (I think) in a single night. Now, while 1 usually does it for me; I occassionally have two, and rarely 3 in a single session. Although, for 3, it usually a very long session, LOL.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 137 (view)

Doesn't EVERYONE like oral sex? Posted: 11/15/2009 2:19:14 AM
more or less... If the question had been about the "relationship between oral sex and orgasm" you would have absolutely nailed it. I saw Ralphie May perform at a comedy club this past week and he did a hilarious spot about women who think they know how to give head, but really don't. Part of it went...(her) Don't tell me what to do, I know what I'm doing!" (Him) "NO, you don't! First, if you 'knew what you were doing', I wouldn't be able to understand a word you said because your mouth would be full, and you would sound like mmmpffthmmmthpfff...". and also learn to ask for some direction when in doubt... CHA CHING!!!! GUYS...GIRLS... ASK!!!! What worked magic for your last lover may be absolutely worthless for whomever you are with now! Or, whomever you are with now may be completely different from, or learned a few different tricks than, anyone you have ever been with. If their toes don't curl, and their head doesn't immediately go back...ask. Also, FYI, if you have ever seen Ralphie May on TV, and enjoyed him, he is SOOOOO much better in person, and DOESN'T REPEAT A SINGLE JOKE from any of his DVD's! ie, It's ALL new material!

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

do ladies get turned on by strong hands and fingers.. Posted: 11/15/2009 1:57:03 AM
funnyone4you its not always about the direct sexual contact, but the juxtipoistion of a firm strong grip and a soft gentle touch. couple that with damassteel " A rose petal in the hands of a giant". and you guys...nailed it! For you guys out there who think it's only what you can "show" whether it's "size" or "strength" that matters are WAY missing the boat. The magic answer is "How can you make her feel?" Big strong hands with a "big strong grip/touch" will strike out way more than not. You MUST know the difference between "strong and hard" vs "firm and confident" AND know WHEN firm is appropriate or gentle is preferred; and you guys with "monster c0cks" have GOT to learn how to touch/finesse. The key to being a good lover is working with what you have, and knowing when/how to use it. Mr. well just imagine what we can do with them... Dude? Really? Can you hit a G-spot with your eyes closed and her wiggling? How about an A-spot? Do you even know what a G-spot or A-spot are? Do you know what to do with them when you find them, or the differences in how you stimulate each; because they are very different? Can you hold her firmly with confidence and no discomfort; or run your finger down her back more gently than a feather, so she only imagines you touched her? Can you pull her head back with her hair...without pulling one out; or make her shiver by lightly tracing a single finger down her cheek or along her inner thigh? Does she feel warm, relaxed, and safe...while being "pinned" to the bed at the same time? Can you make her simultaneously feel like a "naughty whore" and a "precious angel"? If the answer to any of these questions is "No"; then you've still got a lot to work on; and having strong hands, like any other asset, only gets you so far. Strong hands are only an asset if you truly know what she wants and enjoys; and, gentle hands with a soft touch are worthless if you don't know how to use them. My experience has been that a firm hand, with a gentle touch; and a gentle hand with a firm touch; coupled with knowledge and desire, will get you breakfast in bed every time. :banger: That and throw in a little Velcro and a couple of AA batteries. :peace:

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 140 (view)

Why Do Men Think All Women Like Their 12 Inchers????? Posted: 11/15/2009 12:43:58 AM
All the men I ever seem to talk to like to bring up their 12+ inch Male Endowment. My thinking is that maybe you shouldn't only talk to guys wearing a pup tent. And then I have to ask if you are really that big? BUSTED!!! Ummmmm...why would you ask? AND Do you make them prove it? When a guy starts to tell me about his size I automatically think that he is lying because he thinks that is what we want to hear. img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_204.gif border=0> But if he tells you that you're beautiful, and/or "different" than all the other girls, and/or "the only one who's really bright enough to 'understand' ", you KNOW he's legitimate, and honest? Here's the trick...we ALL have our buttons. Some people like dark hair, some blondes; some brain, some brawn; some money, some substance (although 99.99% will SAY "substance" even if he IS driving a Mercedes.) A friend of mine had a friend who would literally go up to women in a bar and say, "Would you like to fu@k?" Yes, he got slapped occasionally, and turned down a vast majority of the time; but he also got laid a lot more than those of us who "used normal means of seduction", ie getting to know someone better. I also have a friend who's ex had a VERY short penis; and she now, almost exclusively, likes men who are at the other extreme. So, to answer your question, YES, there are plenty of women out there who DO enjoy a huge penis. Not that I would know Also, if you actually DO ask...you're busted...they've accomplished what they set out to accomplish, and THAT is to get your attention, and to get the conversation started.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 135 (view)

Doesn't EVERYONE like oral sex? Posted: 11/15/2009 12:16:03 AM
Forgive me if I duplicate numerous responses; but there are six pages here, and I simply haven't read them all. Also, "not being able to orgasm", "not enjoying", and "being turned off/repulsed by", are three completely different issues, but I get chatty enough as it is, :rolleyes: That said... Is this indicative of a low sex drive? "low sex drive"...No. "Issues"…Absolutely. He may hate oral sex, but NEED 15 orgasms a day. (for a man, that is excessive) This is a beautiful example of a high sex drive, with serious issues. While we ALL have specific/different types of stimulation that "do it for us", to completely discount an entire genre of non-mechanical, non-fetish, type of sexual stimulation in and of itself, without regard to who, or how, it is delivered, is indicative of serious underlying psychological issues. It flashes me back to Robert DeNero's line in "Analyze This" when he is talking to his shrink (Billy Crystal) about only being able to enjoy/have oral sex with his mistress vs his wife..."But that's the mouth she kisses my kids with." Personally, while I have had things in my mouth I would never place in a vagina; I have never put something in a vagina I would not put in my mouth. :peace: Some people may like light touch vs heavy; some prefer pressure vs sucking; some prefer wetter vs dryer; some prefer lips vs tongue vs teeth; but to completely discount any/all of the above because they are delivered by the mouth, vs some other body part, has significant psychological implications. Bottom line, if you don't like what I'm doing, that's fine, no problem; tell me what you do/don't like, but let's work on it. If you absolutely don't want my face/mouth down there, then you have serious issues. Period. Responses like..."it MY PERSONAL preference", etc. are, while completely true, also, completely missing the point. Sex with children, non-consenting partners, or farm animals, also fall under the heading of "My personal preference", however, that DOES NOT make them "normal" or acceptable. Bottom line: anyone who can ONLY have/enjoy sex under certain conditions/circumstances; or CANNOT have/enjoy sex under certain conditions/circumstances; has "issues". The magic answer is..."Can you accept that?" Is he willing to, does he enjoy, going down on you? Is giving oral sex something you are comfortable giving up? If you're ok with it...rock on. Personally, I would not, could not, be a good lover for someone who HAD to experience pain/humiliation in order to enjoy sex; it's not my kink. I would also not accept a lover who could not appreciate receiving, or enjoy giving, oral sex. Maybe she/he can't enjoy certain positions due to physical constraints/circumstances...not a problem. However, for me, oral pleasure is simply too basic of a component of sex not to be allowed/enjoyed in a normal, healthy, non-compromised, consenting adult.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Would you have sex with a machine? Posted: 11/14/2009 11:13:41 PM
Dude, work with me here; ANYTHING that moves mechanically in an "artifical" manner is a "machine". There are damn few women out there who do not own some type if "vibrating" or "oscilating" mechanical device; with "eggs" and "dildos" of MANY types and shapes, being the most common. "Having sex with a machine" vs "Using a machine, or "mechanical device" to somehow augment the sexual experience, are very very different. Personally, I find men or women who find electrical, or battery powered augmentation "offensive" or "unnatural" to be offensive or unnatural. Why would ANYONE find something SOMEONE ELSE uses to augment their PERSONAL sexual experience, offensive? Personally, I'm not into pain; but if someone else is into it, rock on. If a woman enjoys, or gets off, on a "sybian"; let her go, and enjoy the show, and what comes after. If she/he ONLY enjoyed sex with a "machine" THEN there would be a problem. Also, just an FYI, while I have never actually seen/experienced/witnessed a "sybian"; there are MANY different designs, with the common thread being, as I understand the term, some sort of mechanically oscillating "penile" attachment; whether she sit on it, kneels in front of it, lays with it between her legs, or stands over it. While I've never seen one, and they sound boring to me, I don't have a vagina, so I can't say. However, for those somen who are used to sex last 4 minutes or less, I can see where this would be an extremely attractive option.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

cell phones and cheating Posted: 11/14/2009 10:53:31 PM
They would be gone. Period. Your mind works the way "YOUR" mind works. If he is looking in your cell to "assure things are on the up and up" then HE is thinking about cheating; and has almost assuredly cheated in the past. I have dated people for many months and STILL had absolutely no idea which drawer her panties were in vs which drawer her socks were in, because I would NEVER open a drawer or door in her home without specifically asking her permission, and telling her why/what I was doing. First, he planned on taking your phone without you knowing; then, he waited until he had an opportunity; THEN he took your phone; opened it; figured out how to access your previous calls/texts; THEN ACTUALLY LOOKED!!! That is so far over any boundries/limits that it is, to me, incomprehensible! If he has done this; trust that he has also gone through your purse, gone through the drawers in your home; gone through your mail; AND gone through your computer. NONE of which are ANY of his business. I was married for 20 years and NEVER searched my wife's drawers or tried to access her computer information. I don't even know if she HAD a password, because I never looked!!! My advice...drop this piece of sh1t, and move on.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

I gave my girl an orgasm..... through her nipple? Posted: 10/23/2009 1:38:51 PM
As mentioned above, the most important sexual organ is the brain. Also mentioned above, is the importance of the relationship of the two people involved. I've had women orgasm when I nibbled on their neck, caressed their a$$, or sucked on their toes. I've also had women orgasm when I held them and described what I was going to do to them; and a couple have orgasmed simply watching me masturbate; without any physical stimulation from me at all. I've even had women orgasm while caressing or going down on me. If she is really into you; is comfortable and knowledgeable with and about her body, and her sexual responses; and you are sensitive to her moods and reactions, she will literally be able to orgasm with stimulation anywhere she finds enjoyable, including simply the brain. The two keys here are: 1/Stimulate her mind; and 2/help her explore, learn, and be comfortable with her body, and her sexual response. If the mental attraction is there, the physical part is easy; all you do is to physically LINK the different sensations with her orgasm. All orgasmic women know EXACTLY what it takes to make them come. The first thing you have to do is to learn that/those techniques, and become very adept at giving her orgasms the way she is used to having them. Once you've got this figured out, you link the various sensations to that. Let's say the only way she can orgasm is by oral/clitoral stimulation, and you want to be able to make her come with nipple stimulation. First find out what type of nipple stimulation she likes, and when; some women like very hard pressure, i.e. clothes pins, etc; while others only like feather light touching. Once you are at the point that it's time to give her an orgasm, start with nipple stimulation; then give her the oral/clitoral stim she needs to come; then JUST as she is about to come, reach up and simultaneously stimulate her nipples. After a few times of this, her brain will associate nipple stim with orgasm; and you will then be able to separate the two further and further, until she can come from nipple stim alone. The beautiful thing about this is that once she becomes more comfortable with her body and sexual response, she'll be able to generalize much easier to other stimulation/body areas; sometimes from a simple suggestion. Example, you can be nibbling on her neck, she is getting very aroused, and you simply say, "Are you going to come?" or "OMG, I think you're going to come." and... she does! The good news is that by already demonstrating that she can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone (after you've given her several "standard" orgasms) she is already aware of her ability to orgasm from "other" stimulation. The great news is that with this knowledge and ability, you and she will be able to expand her repertoire as much, and in any direction you like! Enjoy!

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Is the truth enough....or sometimes too much???? Posted: 7/16/2009 2:47:23 PM
Several things come to mind; the first would be why you didn't get married. Never being married is a huge red flag, and since you don't mention your reasons, whatever they are may not be acceptible to some women. Second, since she has recently passed, I'd lose the part about caring for your mom. I'm sure a lot of women would get to that sentence and bail thinking, "I don't want to take on that responsibility." Third, you flat out state that you aren't going to be sticking around VA, but heading back to CA. Of course women who aren't interested in moving will avoid you; and those who MIGHT be interested in moving may not think that they would have time to get to know you, so why try; especially since you've never been married anyway. Forth; profiles should be universally positive. Completely honest, but still positive. You list several things that are turn off's for you about women. When I read female profiles like that, I shut them off automatically. I figure that if they are already judging and b1tching BEFORE I even meet them, it has got to be down hill from there. Fifth; this thread should be in the "relationship" section, NOT the sex and sexuality area. Good luck; and if you are moving so soon, I'd recommend concentrating your attention in CA.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Trouble reaching orgasms during intercourse Posted: 7/16/2009 2:34:31 PM
Unless it was a particularly traumatic birth, there shouldn't be any "physical" reason that orgasms are more difficult; as a matter of fact, a lot of women report an increase in orgasmic activity; although, I'm not sure what that's about either. As mentioned above, most (the statistics I read said 70%) women are unable to orgasm through intercourse. The fact that you used to be able to is a very good sign. My advice: 1/Don't "worry" about it; if you NEED clitoral stimulation to orgasm, then ask for, and accept, clitoral stimulation. 2/Relax, and get to know your body, and your orgasms better. 3/Kegels. They'll increase your ability to control your orgasm, AND their intensity.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Sex to get a job? Posted: 7/16/2009 2:23:23 PM
It's only sexual harassment if it was unwanted sexual content. If you're having sex to get/keep/improve your job, then it isn't unwanted. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!! While simply having sex with a superior or subordinate is not illegal; it is ABSOLUTELY ILLEGAL if you are doing it as a condition of employment! In either case, the superior employee of the two should be discharged immediately. Whether it was consensual or not; it can only turn out bad, and it exposes the employer to extreme penalties and litigation. People don't break up with people they are happy with; and all the subordinate has to do is SAY that they were sleeping with the superior due to some aspect of their employment; and the superior IS GUILTY; unless, under rare circumstances, they happen to have kept some type of evidence to prove that whatever the allegations were, were false. I've seen one instance where a subordinate was saying that she was being harassed, that they had NEVER had any kind of consensual relationship; and that he was making all kinds of inappropriate advances. He, just happened, to be one of those guys who NEVER empties his email; not so he can later use it as "evidence" but because he just doesn't. In this case he had 18 months worth of emails indicating that SHE had been pursuing HIM; and that whatever HAD been going on, was consensual. She was pressing charges because she misrepresented the relationship to her new SO, (later married) and HE became upset and "made" her pursue it. It came very very close to destroying his career; and still damaged his reputation, because there are always those who, no matter what, will believe the accuser. Bottom line: sex with someone you are working with, superior/subordinate/colleague, is a VERY bad idea under any circumstances; and sex as a condition of employment or status in the company, is "under duress" by definition; and "harassment" by definition; AND VERY EXPENSIVE for the employer, whether they were aware of it or not.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

do you buy that i only did that because i was drunk excuse? Posted: 7/16/2009 2:08:30 PM
People, myself included, ABSOLUTELY do things drunk that they wouldn't consider if they were sober. I've also done things sexually, and non-sexually that I would have never done sober. That being said, even so, it doesn't "excuse" the behavior. I/they DID put the alcohol into my/their system voluntarily; and am/are therefore responsible for the consequences. If you did something unforgivable drunk; you still did something unforgivable; otherwise all you'd have to do is say, "Your Honor, I was drunk, and it seemed like a good idea at the time." I don't see that flying too well as a defense in, or out, of court. However, I am inclined to forgive, and forget, the behavior of others, up to a point, when under the influence. BTW, blacking out is absolutely no better excuse. I have also "blacked out" a couple of times, having absolutely no memory of what transpired. The first time, when I asked about it, the response was, "I didn't even know you were drunk."; the second time it was, "You were fine, no problem." Sadly, there are several things I said and did while drunk that I WISH I didn't remember.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

sympathy sex: begging a chic for sex even though you know she doesn't like you Posted: 7/16/2009 12:52:53 AM
Ummmmm...did you ask a question, and I missed it?

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her? Posted: 7/15/2009 8:44:06 PM
head.cloudWhy does it seem like the women are the one saying it should be equal and the men who are saying it should be all about her? Shows you how feminine and submissive men have become. ROFLMAO Aren't we getting a bit p1ssy? I don't know about YOU; but when I'm taking charge in foreplay, I'm doing exactly that, taking charge. I GET OFF on giving pleasure, and giving orgasms; and if I restrain my lover's hands so she can't touch me, and spend 30-45min to an hour licking, nibbling, kissing and blowing by way from the bottom of her feet to the top of her head and back, in order to make her absolutely crazy wanting me, it IS NOT because I am feminine or submissive. Yes, I absolutely NEED/DESIRE to be "motivated" from time to time, once I am, I like to take charge; although, there ARE times when I like to be able to lay back and be "attended to." However, the vast majority of the time, foreplay is much much much more about her. I find it to be a front end investment; the more I give her during foreplay, the more she gives me later...after I'm worn out, LOL.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

not wantng sex Posted: 7/15/2009 8:22:33 PM
I tend to blame the guys. From talking to women, there are a LOT of guys out there who either THINK that they are great lovers, when in reality they suck; or they truly don't care about their partner's (wife's) pleasure, as long as they "get theirs." While there are many reasons for a decrease in libido; people, men or women, don't stop doing something that they find extremely pleasurable. I've had several lovers who were dynamic in bed, with a very high sexual appetite, who stated that they rarely, if ever, had sex during their marriage; and the single biggest reason many of them list, is that it simply wasn't enjoyable; and that many times, when they did have sex, it was simply because they felt guilty, or to get their husband to shut up about it for a while. As far as "stopped romancing" goes, what, exactly, does that mean? Does that mean that he stops buying presents, and taking them to a candle lit dinner; or does it mean that he thought that sex was simply pumping away for a while, getting a nut, and rolling over? As far as this is concerned, if he is an attentive, caring, lover before you get married, odds are that he will continue to be after. However, if he isn't attentive and caring, it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that marriage will motivate him to improve his technique.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Choking during sex Posted: 7/15/2009 8:06:25 PM
While, if she finds it erotic, I am certainly willing to place my hand over my partner's throat in a dominant fassion, I stop WAY SHORT of actually choking her; regardless of her wishes. ie, there is no way in hll that I would actually choke my partner under ANY circumstances! That is simply pushing things too far. Of all the things that can occur during sex; NOT BREATHING would have to be one of my least favorite! If you need to enhance your sexual experience, buy better porn; or more lube; or a French Maid outfit for your gf; but for Gd's sake, keep breathing.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Where do you stand on the Kinsey Scale? Posted: 7/15/2009 7:53:01 PM
0. While I can look at a guy and say, "D*mn! He's good looking!" the thought, or concept, of actually doing something physical with a guy just doesn't do it for me. I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality that I have no problem at all hanging out with, or accepting, gays and lesbians (never sure why they make the distinction); and have actually lived in a gay household, without being intimidated or concerned in any way.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

consent Posted: 7/15/2009 6:36:02 PM
Far from being stupid, I think these are very relevant questions, however, worded, or stated far too simply. Entire chapters in books, or entire books, could be dedicated to each question. Is consent as simple as yes or no? Very few aspects of sex are "simple"; and "consent" is NOT one of them. While "no" means no; consent is an ongoing phenomenon; ie, consent to remove this article of clothing, then that article, try this, do that, etc; and while "no" is as simple as no; consent for specific acts is far more frequently implied unless specifically forbidden or withdrawn; and may simply need to be "renegotiated", or reintroduced at a different time. How do you negotiate your sexual experiences? As I mentioned earlier, negotiations are constant, ongoing, and dynamic. For some things consent is implied unless specifically denied; ie, I rarely ask specifically, "May I kiss you?"; I simply lean into her to kiss her; and her response to that kiss may or may not indicate if further kissing, or "other activity" is desired. Whereas, for other activities, specific consent may be required; ie, "Would you like to go upstairs?"; and for still others, specific consent, instructions, limitations, and rules, may be required in advance; ie anything including restraint, or the use of specific sexual aids and/or toys. What are the codes of conduct for casual sex and other sexual encounters? "Codes of conduct" vary from person to person, social setting to social setting, and encounter to encounter; and should be negotiated ahead of time. Codes of conduct in Europe, Africa, and Asia, differ dramatically from codes of conduct in North America. For "casual sex", codes of conduct frequently include a LACK of exclusivity; or, at least, a lack of the "expectation" of exclusivity; and no "guarantees" of future liaisons; but EVERYTHING desired, or required, needs to be discussed, if not spelled out, ahead of time; including exclusivity and future expectations. Casual sex can actually be "more formal" than non-casual, or exclusive, sex. I guess universal "codes of conduct" include: No means no; and, you cannot expect or assume anything unless it has been specifically discussed. Actually, the more I think about it the more I realize that this is an unanswerable question. You need to be more explicit about the scope of the behavior you are interested in. When you say "...casual sex and other sexual encounters", are you talking about from the point of introduction, ie in a more social setting; or are you beginning with attraction; or foreplay; or actual physical sex; and, does it extend to include behaviors AFTER the actual sexual encounter? Are we talking about: proper attire to wear on a first date; or are we talking about "you should supply your own condoms"? I think the posters who state that they "don't negotiate" are hilarious; as though consent, and limitations, were concrete and predetermined. Guys, if you go to unhook her bra, you ARE NEGOTIATING!!! If she smiles, moans, and pulls your hand to her breast, negotiations have been successful! If she becomes annoyed, removes your hand, and buttons things that had been unbuttoned when she arrived, negotiations have either stalled, or failed entirely.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Ever heard Big girl vaginas are tighter than thin girls is this true?? Posted: 7/15/2009 4:14:54 PM
I found this thread almost too stupid to respond to; but I figured I'd throw my two cents in. This, as any thread, that attempts to lump people into all inclusive categories, fails miserably. In my experience, I have found no correlation that I am aware of; and I am aware of no studies that would corroborate or disprove your presumption. I can say, without hesitation, that the theory that "there is more pressure on the inside of a big girl" is absolutely ludicrous. Besides, since the vagina is at the extreme low end of the abdomen, "more pressure" if it effected it at all, would make it shorter, NOT tighter. Tightness, or laxity, is based on muscles, and muscle tone...period. If she does her Kegels, then she will certainly have better control, and be tighter, than she would if she doesn't. However, this does not mean that a woman who doesn't do Kegels won't be tight. FYI, an added benefit of Kegels is an enhanced orgasm,

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

Strippers and Lapdances Posted: 7/15/2009 4:01:00 PM
Strip clubs are not something that have ever done anything for me; and I certainly wouldn't waste my money on a lap dance. The entire experience is too contrived; and, yes, while there are women who are Phi Beta Kapa, doing this to "work their way through law school", that is, far and away, the EXCEPTION, and NOT the rule. These places vary with degree of sleaze and illegality; but ALL of these places WILL have dancers with drug/alcohol issues; and in ALL of these places it is possible to find a dancer who is willing to do more than dance; and in SOME of these places, rules/laws or not, most, if not all, of the dancers will have drug/alcohol issues; AND "extra" activities are EXPECTED, and sanctioned through the club! I have personally been in one where a dancer asked me if I wanted to, "buy her a drink." Well, guess what, "drinks" cost $50, $100, and $150 dollars! and, yes sports fans, drinks WERE served in a PRIVATE area, and absolutely DID include extraneous activity. This WAS NOT a "rogue" stripper striking out on her own to make a buck or two on the side; this was activity SANCTIONED AND PROMOTED BY THE CLUB AND IT'S OWNERS!!! and this IS NOT isolated activity; and ABSOLUTELY occurs even in the "higher end", "above board" types of establishments. I personally know guys who have gotten hand jobs, blow jobs, and laid, in these clubs; and I'm talking about different guys, in different bars, in different states. So, for the one poster concerned about her boyfriend, your trust should be placed in HIM, and NOT the bar. While he is probably just out for, "a night with the guys", if he is looking for "something else" it is certainly possible to get it in ANY of these establishments; in which case, you don't want him for a boyfriend anyway. As far as the clubs with the "private dance areas" are concerned; you can take it to the bank that "for a little extra bank" you can get FAR MORE than a display of eye candy.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 73 (view)

Men that taste test Posted: 7/15/2009 3:25:48 PM
LMAO...BUSTED!!! I absolutely do it, although, I try very hard for the actual "test" to be unnoticeable. While caressing her, you obviously have to touch or caress "there", which I will do; then I try to wait a little while, or divert her attention, before I manage to move my hand to my nose or mouth. The reason is quite simple; as all women, and the vast majority of men, LOL, are aware, there are times when a woman simply isn't "fresh"; and, unless you see her get out of the shower, there is no way of knowing when that might be. Maybe she's been in pantyhose all day; maybe she's been working out, or sweating; maybe her period just ended, or is about to begin; there are MANY reasons this may be going on; and without the "taste test" a guy simply doesn't know. You can also take it to the bank, that EVERY guy who does this has had a bad experience, where he dove in without checking things out. If she isn't "fresh" it's frequently possible to suggest an "erotic shower"; and one way I do this is to say that I've been sweating and would like to jump in and out of the shower real quick, and playfully ask her to join me. So far, I've NEVER had a woman refuse. Making her feel good about the way she tastes is both fun, and erotic. I like to do this by inserting a finger, or two, in her, and then, looking her in the eyes, and very deliberately, or teasingly, lick and suck every bit of her off of my fingers, while telling her how delicious she is. I may do this more than once telling her each time how delicious she is, and how I can't get enough; saying something like, "God, I love to taste you!", or mock beg, "May I PLEASE lick your pvssy...just for a second?" Another method is to ask HER to put a finger in herself, and then having her raise her finger to MY mouth where I'll proceed to lick up every drop. This method can be especially fun in a very public place; ie, bar, restaurant, sporting event, etc. where you BOTH have to be very discrete. Obviously, NOT a good idea on a first date. I'm thinking that if I don't know her last name, asking her, right before we order dinner, to insert a finger into her vagina, and let me taste it; is probably not a good idea.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Finger Nails Posted: 7/15/2009 2:49:12 PM
I've had fingernail "issues" on my back, upper arms, chest, and tush, but NEVER my "elbows". How the h*ll do you get ELBOW scratches? Especially to the point that it's an issue! Anyway, I occasionally find it a turn on, especially when it is completely inadvertent, and neither of you were even aware that it had happened until you notice the bruises or marks later. However, every now and then, you come across a woman who doesn't believe that she can take her clothes off without scratching, biting, or pinching, someone. In those cases, simply talk to them. If "that's just her", and you DON'T find it a turn on, or can't tolerate it, then find a lover you are more compatible with. I've only had one lover who, for whatever reason, couldn't have an orgasm without causing some type of physical damage. For me, this took so much of the fun out of having sex, that I wasn't able to stay sexually attracted to her, and we simply moved on.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Premature ejaculation !!! Posted: 7/15/2009 2:36:25 PM
I've never actually ejaculated prematurely; but I have come close several times. In cases where I was afraid I was going to go off early, I simply withdrew, (pretending it was all part of the plan, LOL) and concentrated my efforts elsewhere using different techniques: ie, I'd go down on her, use toys, tease, touch, etc. For me the magic answer is always to assure that she has as pleasurable an experience as possible, and has as many orgasms as possible; and the bottom line is that the time actually spent with penis in vagina is frequently only a small portion of the time we are together; and, for the most part, far more orgasms are given using alternative techniques. So, in this case, my bet is that had you used your tongue, fingers, and various toys, to give her several orgasms, and THEN tried again with penetration, that she would be much more inclined to have a free evening. There are numerous ways of handling premature ejaculation, and if it is a frequent/consistent problem, it needs to be handled differently; but for those for whom it is only an occasional, or rare occurrence, the easiest way to handle it is to simply withdraw, and DON'T allow her to even touch your penis. Divert her attention, and concentrate on pleasing her using other techniques. Heck, if you are so close that your eyes are crossed, get out of bed, and go to the kitchen. Come back with ice, chocolate sauce, and possibly a bottle of wine; light a candle; put on some "mood" music; and pretend that was why you were getting out of bed in the first place. and wait until she is all but worn out before you go for penetration and "get yours." The next morning all she'll remember is what a great time she had, and what a great lover you are; and she probably won't even realize that you were only actually inside her for a very short time.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

role play Posted: 7/13/2009 10:55:30 PM
I do like playing dress ups!!!! I'm in love!!! OP, I haven't read all of the responses; but something I've done in the past, when I was looking for a temporary trashy look (for my lover) was a trip to Goodwill. I was able to put together a very suitable "trashy" type outfit for much less than you could buy a single quality article of clothing for at a retail outlet. Afterwards, you can even "re-donate" whatever you decide not to keep, and write it off YOUR taxes, LOL. ENJOY! It sounds like you all are in for a fun evening!

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Poll for the guys, smell and taste of a woman's special part versus age Posted: 7/13/2009 10:44:02 PM
I haven't read a single reply; but I can make one to your OP...I've found age to make no difference at all. Obviously, I haven't had my nose or tongue in a 20 year old cooch in many many years, so I can't give a straight up comparison type of response; but, IF odor and taste changes with age, aparently, my tastes and desires have kept lock step time with it; because I enjoy the smells and tastes of women now, as much as I did decades ago. but for the most part the sex life with a younger women is better. Here again, my personal experience has been EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of this. I've found sex with women 35-50 and older to be FAR SUPERIOR to sex with women when I was in my twenties. I am being completely truthful when I say I would MUCH rather have sex with a 45 year old than a 25 year old. I've found them to be more enjoyable, more relaxed, more knowledgable, more giving, and as adventurous, but with a healthier sense of adventure, as opposed to a dangerous or confrontational sense of adventure. Could be that sex for a "single guy at 43" could suck, in your case, because your attitude does. I'm just sayin'... I don't know what your issues are; but, at 50, I'm happier, and more satisfied sexually, than I ever have been, at any point in my life.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Contemplating a genital piercing Posted: 7/13/2009 1:38:40 AM
I haven't yet experienced a man who is more interested in my pleasure than his. This, and a few other things you said makes me think that you truly MAY benefit from seeing a therapist; simply to find out WHY you are attracted to that type of man. For whatever reason, we are attracted to whomever we are attracted to; sometimes for good, and sometimes for bad. My ex sister-in-law was married three times; and EVERY ONE of those guys physically beat her. The odds of that happening coincidentally are off the charts. There was something in the personality of that type of man that attracted her. Maybe there is something in the personality of a man who is more interested in his pleasure than yours that attracts you. There are MANY men out there who are truly turned on, and motivated, by GIVING their lover pleasure. These type of guys tend to volunteer this type of info, when talking about sex, and talking about good vs. bad lovers. Find one. As other posters alluded to, MOST women CANNOT orgasm from vaginal sex; although, most can orgasm without the use of a vibrator. However, the fact that you can orgasm at all is a very good sign; and with that, you can absolutely learn to orgasm in different ways, AND learn to orgasm without using your vibrator. My advice would be to START by training yourself to orgasm WITHOUT using your vibrator. You can do this several different ways, but the way I would recommend would be to start with your vibrator, like you always do, then, right before you orgasm, STOP using the vibrator, and take yourself to orgasm using only your fingers. THEN, over a period of time, stop the vibrator, and switch to fingers only, earlier and earlier in the session. This is the SAME technique a lover can use to sensitize you to being able to orgasm from oral sex. Have him go down on you, THEN use your vibrator to bring yourself to orgasm; then, as you are cumming, STOP the vibrator, and have him use his tongue on you until your orgasm is over. This will serve to connect oral stimulation with orgasm in your mind. Then, in subsequent sessions, stop using the vibrator RIGHT BEFORE you orgasm, and have him get you off with his tongue. Then, over time, stop the vibrator earlier and earlier. Another thing I would advise would be to buy a dildo designed to stimulate the g-spot, a solid one, not one that vibrates, and train yourself to orgasm by g-spot stim alone. Search the threads on here for g-spot orgasms; there is a guy named Dave that has a wonderful technique for g-spot orgasms; although, his technique DOES require a partner. However, his, and other posts, will give you very valuable info on g-spot orgasms. no_1_bby gave you very good advice about researching people who have already had this done. I would recommend using her link, AND googling the subject on your own. DosHermanas also touched on a point that may be very important for you. If your difficulty orgasming has to do with decreased sensitivity, it is certainly possible that the problem, or part of the problem, could be you’re your clitoral hood is too long, and impacting your ability to be stimulated to orgasm. If this is the case, a “hoodectomy” (a procedure where they shorten the clitoral hood, exposing more of the clitoris) may be something you could consider. the few men with whom I have discussed this, are totally turned off by all piercings…Is the clit-hood piercing worth it if men I really like are disgusted by it? These two statements say a LOT about you, your taste in men, and your ability to find a man who may be a good lover; and, to be totally blunt, I think this is an area where you suck. If it’s important to YOU, it should be important to, and supported by, your lover, whomever they are. Bottom line: if these are the “men you really like”, you’re NOT going to find a good lover under any circumstances; so I’d advise sticking with your vibrator and being happy. Personally, I would advise AGAINST getting a clitoral hood piercing for the reasons you listed. There are other, far more healthy, and far less risky, methods for improving your sensitivity/ability to orgasm; and even if there were NO risks, or down side, to piercing, it’s STILL a poor method for attempting to improve your sensitivity. IF, once you have become more sensitive, and more orgasmic, you still want a clitoral hood piercing for personal, or esthetic reasons, then I’d be completely supportive; I just think it’s a bad idea now, for the reasons you listed.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Problems with the finish. Posted: 7/12/2009 4:20:04 AM
As you can see from previous posts, this is NOT a terribly unusual problem. However, there are several potential causes, and until you discover WHY you have orgasm issues, there is NO advice that is going to work. First order of business is finding out if it is a physical, mental, or induced problem. Do you have ANY KNOWN physical problems? (diabetes, circulatory problems, thyroid, etc)? Do you have an average, low, or high, sexual desire? Do you have any difficulties getting, or keeping, an erection? Many meds/drugs can have this effect. Are you taking any meds? Alcohol? Recreational drugs? Performance enhancing drugs? etc. Do you have issues with anxiety or depression? Feelings of guilt or inadequacy? Have you always had this issue? These are all questions that have to be answered before the problem can be addressed. Your first stop should be your family physician, they can do the basic endocrinologic/cardiologic work ups; if that doesn't turn up anything, go to a urology specialist; and after that seek out a mental health professional; and if NONE of those work out for you, THEN seek out a sexual therapist/specialist. Good luck.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Actual meetings with women Posted: 7/12/2009 3:57:45 AM
Communicate, communicate, communicate. Does your wife know you are on a dating site? When did she become "frigid"? Why? Is it because she has no libido; or because she has issues with you? If it's issues with you; then THAT'S what you need to work on. If it's low libido, WHY does she have low libido? Emotional, or physical issues? Either can be addressed. My experience has been that women who no longer desire sex, no longer desire it because it was NOT an enjoyable experience for them; and/or there were other issues with their spouse, (ie infidelity, finances, or other personal issues); or there was a hormonal imbalance; or emotional/mental issues like depression, or anxiety, etc. Dude, WHATEVER your issues are, THIS is NOT a solution; and is quite frankly a BAD idea. If you think divorce is not a good idea, and would be difficult to recover from NOW, THINK of how bad it's going to be when she finds out, and has proof, that you have been unfaithful. Good luck with your marriage; but get the f*ck off of this, and similar, sites.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

I thought I had heard it all but someone else's is always worse Posted: 7/12/2009 1:43:53 AM
I'm sorry folks, I'm going to take a alternative tack here; the bottom line is that if she was worth a f*ck, HE would have been more interested! Obviously, he wasn't a Don Juan himself, but, even so, she WASN'T keeping his interest, much less, motivating him to take a more active role. Honestly, if it was ME, and my date was that bored, I would KNOW that I had some serious work to do. The man swatted me away and at first I thought he was just messing around and I kept playing around with him but then he cupped the phone with his hand and told me to leave him alone while he was on the phone. OP, if this is the worst experience you have ever had, you can count yourself as EXTREMELY lucky!!!

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 151 (view)

Why is no head an automatic turn off for guys Posted: 7/12/2009 12:21:47 AM
I will start by saying that I HAVE NOT read hardly ANY of the previous posts; I was simply SO STRUCK by the OP, her original post, and her last couple of posts, that I couldn't help myself, I HAD to say something. I don't give head, *I find it repulsive, I never hear from them again. Let me get this straight OP, you not only find a VERY NORMAL piece of anatomy "repulsive" you find the very piece of anatomy that DEFINES THE VERY ESSENCE of being MALE repulsive, you announce this, and THEN you are stunned that these very males are no longer interested in your company? Work with me here. First off, if the person had some sort of gross physical abnormality, and you stated that you found that abnormality, or contact with that part of their body, repulsive, do you think they would, or should, be inclined to stay with you? I'm sorry, but I still don't see why the b j is so freaking important to guys, Sweetheart, the fact that you even have to ask this question, or state this fact, is a red light that is just this side of being bigger than Dallas. We're not talking about warts, or moles, or hair color, or missing limbs or digits, we're talking about the Gd D*mn PENIS!!! Then you follow it with this, unless they are such control freaks or spoiled children that they have to have their own way all the time... OK, so if someone disagrees with you, they have to be "control freaks or spoiled children"? ...and possibly, that's why most of them are here, they can't GET a real relationship LMAO OP, Ummm...is that why YOU are here? Mental note, you are also HERE, in the SAME DATING POOL as they are! Also note that THIS IS NOT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT, but actually a very common reaction. OP, I will be very straight, and very honest, with you; this post, this concept, and your reactions to the reactions and input that YOU REQUESTED, are VERY disturbing; AND VERY indicative of numerous serious underlying issues. You DESPERATELY need to seek advice, counseling, and input, from a mental health professional. My hope is that you already have, and that you are currently seeing someone. My other piece of input here is that you should be MUCH MORE CONCERNED if you were to find a man who was comfortable with this attitude and outlook; than you are that someone might have an objection to it. Only a man with serious issues could accept this type of attitude and behavior from a woman, (his lover) about anything about him, much less about his penis. If you were "repulsed" by his family, his occupation, or his taste in shoes, he should run as far, and as fast, as he possibly can from you, or anyone else, with that type of attitude. It's one thing for a person to have problems performing an act that they associate with physical, or mental, trauma, (Even THEN, they need to work through their issues); but to be "REPULSED" by something so incredibly basic and normal is truly disturbing. If you were traumatized, work through it; if you are lesbian, get over it, and work through it; whatever your issue is, KNOW that it is significant and serious. I sincerely hope you find help, and are able to work through whatever it is that you find so disturbing. Good luck.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 65 (view)

FANTASY RAPE Posted: 7/11/2009 4:39:53 PM
marvmakerzzzI mean it's rape!! just can't get past it why would you want to fantasize about something so sick Ummmm...NO. Hate to break it to you Einstein; but it's NOT "rape", it's FANTASY. Also, just for reasons of clarification, why would YOU worry, or be concerned, about SOMEONE ELSE'S fantasy? hellgremlinI think it indicates some pretty profound psychological issues. Ohhhhhhh...hate to interfere with your delusion; but the true "psychological issues" rest MUCH MORE overwhelmingly with the people who are unable to accept, understand, or tolerate fantasies of this nature, or fantasy in general. It shows a fairly dramatic form of concrete thinking, indicative of inferior intellectual capacity, or immature mental/emotional processing. concrete thinking n. Thinking characterized by a predominance of actual objects and events and the absence of concepts and generalizations. Ie. keeping to the literal meaning of words, (as in “rape”) In Piaget's classification this stage occurs between 7 and 11 years of age. It’s also common in people with severe mental illness. What if you fall off the Gryphon? WTF are you talking about? Probably because a false rape accusation tends to demolish a man's life permanently. Again, VERY concrete. HazelRoseThere three types of people who like this form of sex: 1) Subs 2)Victims of sexual abuse 3) Freaks I'll disagree with you here, and say that there are AT LEAST FOUR types of people, if you feel it is absolutely necessary to classify people accordingly; with the forth being: 4) Normal, mature, sexually healthy individuals. Word to the wise: if a MAJORITY of people see it completely differently than you do; maybe it’s time for you to rethink, and reassess.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

FANTASY RAPE Posted: 7/11/2009 4:03:20 PM
Lili_C I would just like to say dayummnnnn to "Windloverr's" reply... Ummmm...thanks. Always glad to help,

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Body Image Posted: 7/11/2009 3:55:54 PM
MCVMC the bottom line is that, with regards to questions like this, it really doesn't matter. IF the guy is judgmental and critical, and you don't fit his "type" he won't be interested in you, so it won't matter; which, by the way, would be a good thing. If, on the other hand he's NOT judgmental and critical, it won't matter because he's not judgmental and critical. It's one thing being attracted to younger people; it's entirely another being ONLY attracted to younger people; or only people who are different than us; ie different race, different nationality, etc. being ONLY attracted to people who are different is indicative of some type of mental/emotional pathology. However, in your case, NONE of it matters, because you already HAVE SOMEONE; and the ONLY opinions that matter are yours and his. If you are into him, and it certainly sounds like you are; AND, he is into you, and that also seems to be the case, then what ANYBODY else thinks, or for that matter, what EVERYBODY else thinks, is completely irrelevant. Bottom line: lighten up, and enjoy what IS.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

ex's Posted: 7/10/2009 12:56:42 AM
Some people are insecure and jealous; others are jealous for control reasons; whatever their reasons, jealousy/insecurity are unpleasant pathology, and HUGE red flags for me. My ex lives in another state; and I've only seen her once since our divorce; so this type of scenario isn't an issue for me. However, if it were, I'd run as fast and hard as I could, AWAY from ANYBODY who exhibited and jealousy, or "miss-trust" issues. I wouldn't marry ANYONE whom I didn't trust absolutely implicitly; OR anyone who didn't trust ME implicitly. Issues with ex's revolve around priorities and control. I don't know how you handled the situation; but I certainly would have included my date in on the exchage from the beginning, including introducing them, etc. It's one thing to walk up to run into your ex, and hug and have a conversation; it's entirely another if you leave your date sitting, or hanging somewhere while you do. Your ex, is just that, your ex; your current, and first, priority is whomever you are with now. As long as those priorities were established, and observed, you're cool. If they weren't, then maybe you have priority, or control, issues with your ex that need to be resolved. Good luck.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

A guys's drear come true is becoming a pain Posted: 7/10/2009 12:41:54 AM
OP, you mentioned "pills" for the "erection difficulties"; you also mentioned a "lack of desire" to masturbate;. what other meds are you on? If you have zero libido, the "erection pills" will do little more than allow you to have sex. Orgasm is in the head, hence wet dreams, etc. Poor libido can be due to physical problems, (low testosterone, hypothyroid, etc.); emotional/mental issues, (depression, anxiety, etc.); or drug induced, (antidepressants, alcohol, marijuana, blood pressure meds, etc.). The problem is that sometimes the drugs used to treat one problem, lead to the other; ie, depression leads to low libido; but SOME of the drugs used to treat it are worse. Some of the anti-depressants cut down on libido, some cause ED, and some make it nearly impossible, if not completely impossible to orgasm. To add insult to injury; a lot of men have orgasm difficulties if they take the "erection meds." ie, they have erection problems, so they take Viagra; but when they take Viagra, they can't orgasm. This DOES NOT happen to EVERYONE!! But, it DOES happen to a significant minority. Do you have any of the medical/emotional issues I discussed? Do you take any of the meds I discussed? If so, you need to be talking to your docs, because nothing anybody says on the forums is going to help. Another question; can you EVER get a solid erection on your own? ie, first thing when you wake up in the morning? If so, then you DON'T have a "physical" erection problem. MOST erection problems are mental/emotional; and will not resolve until the mental/emotional issue is taken care of. Good luck.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Do you tell a new partner about recent sexual encounters? Posted: 7/8/2009 10:30:23 AM
I feel the best policy is "Don't ask, Don't tell." However, I also believe in equality, and honesty. Unless there was some extinuating circumstance, and right now I can't imagine one, I WOULD NOT discuss my recent, or for that matter distant, sexual history; AND I would NOT ask about hers. On the other hand, IF SHE ASKS, then I'd be totally up front and honest; AND I'd ask her for the same information. If she doesn't like the answer, she shouldn't have asked the question. I WILL ask about disease status, and safety practices, but that is seperate from recent history.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Female Orgasms...The greatest joy on Earth.... Posted: 7/8/2009 10:24:48 AM
First off OP I admire your desire to please your lover; however, If she doesnt cum at LEAST once or twice, I’m just not satisfied. statements like this one tell me that you are putting too much pressure on her to orgasm. Don't get me wrong; I'm all about giving my lover as many orgasms as she can possibly have; AND I don't need to get off every time myself either; HOWEVER, if, for whatever reason, she doesn't orgasm, I'm cool with that as well, and I let her know that; I just ask that she let me know what she likes; and helps me to learn the techniques that give her the most pleasure. FYI, one trick I've learned to help assure that she does have at least one orgasm is to entice her to break out her toys, and/or masturbate. While I may not be able to hit all the right spots with the correct technique; SHE d*mn sure knows how to get herself there. As numerous posters have mentioned, sex is about MUTUAL pleasure. Nobody orgasms every time; at least nobody my age or older, LOL; so the goal is for a mutually fulfilling pleasurable experience. Note that numerous female posters have stated that THEY are not completely satisfied, OR that they somehow blame themselves, if their lover doesn't cum. I've had lovers who put out almost NO effort in order to give me an orgasm who were still upset if I didn't have one. So, with that said, if you don't orgasm every time, or sometimes have difficulties having an orgasm, let her know that UP FRONT, so she KNOWS not to be stressed out, or beat herself up, if you don't orgasm. Also, STOP putting so much pressure on her to orgasm; as several female posters also stated, that takes a lot of the pleasure out of it for them. Now, considering most guys go their entire lives never giving ANY woman an orgasm, you'd think any woman would be thrilled at the prospect of multiple orgasms EVERYTIME Another thing, you're way overestimating your prowess here. Admittedly, I'm the only guy I've ever seen have sex; but my impression is that while many guys may be less than enthusiastic, or not overly skilled, they STILL manage to give at least SOME of their lovers orgasms. I have no idea the statistics on what percentage of guys NEVER give a lover an orgasm; OR what percentage routinely give their lovers multiple orgasms; but my bet is that the number who NEVER give their lovers an orgasm is fairly small; and the number who routinely give their lovers multiples is probably larger than you think. Bottom line: COMMUNICATE. Let your lovers know UP FRONT that you may, or may not, orgasm; AND that it has NOTHING to do with their skill, OR your desire for them; AND, that while you'll try, it ALSO ok if THEY don't cum. Get them to tell you what they like, and show you how to do it; do the best you can; and, if push comes to shove, encourage them to masturbate, and/or break out their toys. In the end, if they DON'T orgasm, that's OK too; at least you learned a lot about that lover. It's far better for you to KNOW that they didn't cum, than it is for them to fake it. For them to be relaxed enough NOT to orgasm, AND at the same time feel comfortable and satisfied with you, says a lot; and, if they fake it, you think you did what they needed, and DON'T KNOW that you still have a lot to learn with them. ie, their faking it teaches you to be a bad lover, so lighten up. female posters also stated, that takes a lot of the pleasure out of it for them.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Leg Men? Boob Men? Hip men? Butt men? Huh??!! Posted: 7/7/2009 4:56:53 PM
Like anything else, any time you generalize, you're going to leave huge holes. Yes, SOME men, as some women, absolutely have their favorite body parts; AND are overt about it. Actually, I believe that we all have our favorites; it's just that we may not actually be aware of it. Those who are overt about it will say "I will only date someone with a D cup or bigger"; or "He has got to have a nice a$$"; while the rest of us MAY have our preferences, they just tend to manifest without our being aware of it. The way to figure it out is to look back and analyze the people you've dated, and been most attracted to, and see what they have in common. I know that I absolutely will not "rule out" anyone based on hair color, or any other physical trait, (other than grossly obese...sorry); and I've always contended that I didn't have preferences. However, years ago (in college actually) I got to thinking about it, and realized that I had dated a significantly disproportionate number of red heads; I also gravitated towards a flat belly. However, I married a blonde, and have had significant LTR's with brunettes, and women who did not have rock hard abs. I've also dated women with everything from A cup to DD; and between 5'1" and 6'. I tend to view the person as a whole, and appreciate whatever it is that she has to offer. Like I feel like hips and legs are not as big a deal as they used to be, but now almost every man is a boob man. I feel like this is multifactorial. First, slight variations in breasts manifests as significantly different visually; where as there has to be a significant difference in legs for the distinction to be made. Also, there is marketing, and the media; who have the extraordinary power of telling us what is desirable, and what is not; and convincing us of what we like. There is also the fact that, regarding legs, you pretty much have to live with what you've got; whereas breasts are very easy to modify or "enhance". If you look at surveys, and actual data, you'll find that there really isn't a most desirable breast size. If there was, there would be a disproportionate number of large, or small, breasted women in different socioeconomic or cultural groups; with the "desired" type being in the desired group; ie wealthy vs poor; or attached/married vs single/divorced; and there is no such distinction.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Who is worse? Men or Women? Posted: 7/7/2009 4:28:01 PM
You've got two different arguments/examples going on here; how we play to those of our own sex, and how we play to the opposite sex. I agree that women are more subtle, and "politically", while men are more coarse and basic; but I disagree that men don't also group together and support each other; we just rarely do it in front of women, LOL. Women tend to get together and support the "wronged female" and "process their feelings"; and while guys, being guys, CAN'T discuss feelings and emotions; we get together and talk about what a b1tch she is, LOL . The bottom line is that we ALL want to be "right" AND "the most desirable". We seek out our peers for support when we need to be right, then "throw them under the bus" to the opposite sex when we want to be desirable, LOL; women are just way more subtle about it; sometimes to the point that guys don't even realize it's happening.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Men Who Defend Experience Posted: 7/7/2009 3:48:07 PM
You're mixing apples and oranges here. Actually, it all has to do with the "evaluate as a whole person sort of thing", AND the "accept them for who they are, and be grateful for what you have been given" philosophy. There is "preferring" an experienced partner because of what they bring to the party; with the flip side being appreciating the inexperienced partner because of the fact that they didn't "sleep around", and being grateful for the opportunity to teach them, and help them grow. There is also the very human trait of being attracted to, and appreciating, people who are more like us. ie, if you have the personality type that led you to have experiences with multiple partners, you are more prone to appreciate, and defend, people with the same type of personality and background. The same applies to those who have had very few partners, whether the reason be based on morals, commitment, or availability. Pressure is what you make of it, and what you accept; and based much more on self appreciation and self esteem than physical fact. If you feel good about yourself and who you are, you won't let it bother you that SOME OTHER people think you should have had more, or fewer, sexual partners. If they have had multiple partners, their current partner should be grateful because they would not be who/what they are today without their past; if their partner has misgivings NOT because of who they are today, but because of what they are afraid OTHER PEOPLE might think, then they need to grow a set, and/or be sent packing. If, on the other hand they have had few sexual partners, a loving/caring partner will appreciate their naiveté and embrace them accordingly. If their partner is anxious or upset because the person is not as experienced or knowledgeable as they would like, then THAT individual needs to be shown the door. It's really not that difficult; if you care for someone, you care for who they are NOW; if you wish they were something else, then you need to find SOMEONE ELSE. For better or worse, you are who you are; if the person you are with doesn't accept and appreciate that, then you would BOTH be much better off parting ways; with them finding someone they can appreciate; and you finding someone who appreciates you.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Why is variety so great in everything but sexual partners? Posted: 7/7/2009 3:15:15 PM
Quit being so egocentric; it is NOT all about you, and/or your desires; and it is way more involved than simply you being able to get a nut with whomever you please. It has to do with evolution and survival. Man is inherently a very weak organism; note how much damage animals MUCH smaller than us can do, ie, dogs, cats, snakes, etc. Heck, even a mouse, rat, or squirrel can severely injure or even kill (through infection) a human. Man also has among the weakest and most vulnerable offspring; requiring, by far, the longest period of familial nurturing and protection, before it is independent and capable of caring for itself. Even species that far outlive us, and produce offspring at an even slower rate, are independent and capable years earlier than humans are. To add insult to injury, we also have an extended period of feebleness and vulnerability at the end of our lives. If we had simply jumped from partner to partner throughout history, whenever it was convenient or desirable, it would not have led to the instinct of protecting what is "yours" and necessary for your survival, and man, as a species would almost certainly have become extinct. This doesn't even take into account the fact that multiple partners enhance dramatically the probability of spreading disease that, if it doesn't kill the individual, will render them infertile. Even in today’s society, jumping from partner to partner, and having children with multiple partners, would deteriorate the parent child bond and nurturing necessary to produce successful productive adults. Mating, partnering, and sex, is WAY more involved than simply recreational copulating; and society’s mores have evolved to indicate and incorporate that. As further evidence of the evolutionary necessity of mating for life, and defending what is "yours"; note that even though man evolved in all corners of the globe, EVERY SINGLE advanced human society evolved to incorporate mating for life. Even in societies where having multiple spouses is acceptable, they STILL don't hop around mating randomly. Mating for life, with few sexual partners, is not simply a matter personal desire and preference; it's a matter of survival. With all of that said, there are still subsets of society where this type of behavior is accepted and practiced; but you will have to accept that even so, this will necessarily be a small minority of the population as a whole. The trick here is, if this is what you desire, you simply need to find that subset of people, be happy with it, and quit trying to convert everyone else to your preferred lifestyle.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

best leg position Posted: 7/7/2009 4:26:01 AM
LOL, just looked it up from the link the above poster gave, and found out I've been using the CAT position for years, As far as "favorite" leg position goes, it varies from moment to moment; although, I am partial to having one of her legs bent and elevated, and with my arm over/around it, ie, the inside of my elbow across the back of her knee; or my hand holding the back of her knee/thigh. This tilts her pelvis allowing for deeper penetration, AND adequate clitoral contact/stimulation. However, this frequently alternates with feet flat, knees bent; legs lock behind me; arms over the backs of BOTH knees/thighs; legs over my shoulders; legs over my shoulders while I hold myself above her in a push-up type position; etc...

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

sex questions... a somewhat awkward situation... Posted: 7/7/2009 1:29:39 AM
cochynWindlover, will you marry me? blushing You say the nicest things! However, judging from your posts, you seem to be kinda busy at the moment, LOL; but thanks for asking.

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 75 (view)

Best Sex Positions Posted: 7/7/2009 1:10:46 AM
I like most positions where I have a partner

windloverr

Joined: 2/29/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Women post pics in sexy sleepwear? Posted: 7/7/2009 1:04:22 AM
Men, would you actually seriously be interested in a woman with those pics for marriage, or are you just looking for a roll in the hay? Honestly, I wouldn't contact a woman with pics like that for ANY purpose. I'm pickier than that even for my rolls in the hay, LOL. Real sexyness is an attitued anyway, that can come accross in a well written profile and not always in the pictures. CHA-CHING!!! Absolutely agree.

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