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Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

Why is the word relationship scare men away? Posted: 5/6/2009 2:02:30 AM
The relationship (because whatever basis it holds - FB or soul mates that is what it is) is something which should be constantly evolving or it will die, there is really no point in trying to define it because by it's nature it should be constantly changing. Certainly no man likes to be backed into a corner, or critiqued even with the best intentions, or placed in a box static like a specimen to be examined. A wise woman should keep these thoughts to herself, and the best way to give her confidence in the 'relationship' would be time, his contentment and that of her own.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Using me for Sex,,, a general excuse? Posted: 5/2/2009 5:38:05 PM
Say I tell all my friends they are free to use my car at any time, and I'll leave the keys in it. The one condition I have is that any driver must be 100% sober if they take it. If one of them gets sloshed and drives my car, he or she has used me - my generosity and good nature - by going against my wishes to achieve a selfish end. They don't have to sign a document or agree out loud. It's my car, I set the conditions. It's their fault if they break them. Ha ha. Is this analogy part of your romantic repertoire?

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Using me for Sex,,, a general excuse? Posted: 5/2/2009 5:22:57 PM
Beyond the 'bitter' women (yes I have been there, suffered it, was angry about it, dumped him, slowly recovered, eventually moved on) I am interested to read the men's comments, particularly their take on this subject - which seems to range from confusion ... 'we both need it so how can we be using each other?' to a very brutally honest comment by a guy who admitted to hoodwinking various women in thinking that they were being so independent, so in control, when in actual fact he knew he was using them and a callous dumping was in the distance. To me, the act of sex is about an expression of love, a vulnerability and an exposure of heart and body to my partner and only him. The comment by the woman who said that he becomes part of her body was very apt. I could never have sex without the thought of love and intimacy and to find that his feelings were anything different would feel like a betrayal. To me, sex simply would not happen if those feelings weren't there ... and I would hope that any partner would be honest enough to give me the choice.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

No woman really enjoys anal sex Posted: 5/1/2009 11:12:08 AM
prepared herself smell or mess In case you hadn't noticed ... that hole is for passing waste, shitting actually, not sex. It goes down, not up and this is why the damage and phewy happens. 'Preparing' as in enemas ... how romantic (yet not foolproof) - whoops !!! C'est la vie - it's up to you - but personally I find total satisfaction the traditional way and I am NOT afraid to say it. Love and peace.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

No woman really enjoys anal sex Posted: 5/1/2009 9:26:06 AM
Sh*t....people were more EVOLVED in the DARK AGES! Oh ... and I forgot to mention about the mess, the smell, the 'dare I say it' lack of romance. Lights out please!! Never do ANYTHING because someone ELSE expects you to do if you aren't into it! It's amazing what some women will do for love ... and I believe this is what this thread is about. It's not something ANYone should do ALL the time...jeez...it's nice to change it up now and again Nope. Variety is not about violating and damaging your partner's body. There are PLENTY of ways to enjoy and love your partner without harm. Especially after orgasm, the woman's body will contract, and further penetration in the anus becomes excruciatingly painful ... and that is when the damage is likely to occur ... in the midst of fiery passion - what man is likely to withdraw? Many? And if he did would the sex be deemed as satisfactory??? Oh ... and he had better wash that digit thoroughly with plenty of soap and water before he dips it in the pink cup because she will have a hell of a urine infection to remember him by if he doesn't!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

No woman really enjoys anal sex Posted: 5/1/2009 7:01:55 AM
I had a friend, I had no idea whether she ENJOYED anal sex, but I do know that her husband did, because she told me they did it, virtually every time they slept together. She eventually lost control of her anal sphincter which meant uncontrolled farting all day and the occasional follow-through - it made her utterly miserable, as well as perpetually embarrassed. Repairing a sphincter is very difficult if at all possible. I also know that you are far more likely to catch an STD via the anus. Really ... the amount of MEN who seemed to be concerned that women should like anal sex is rather worrying. It used to be such a taboo (and illegal) practise - and had homosexual undertones ... no doubt vehemently denied but suspicious nontheless.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Passive–aggressive men verses Aggresive man Posted: 4/30/2009 9:02:36 AM
By asking for his number, you show your interest, and your assertive manner, which is a turn on for many of us, and if done correctly, will bring out our assertive/aggressive side as well. No no no no no no no no NO! Once again ... NO. This type of behaviour brings out the little whimpy creature cowering inside a lot of men - you know the lazy type which really want a mummy to run the show and go weak at the knees at the sight of a woman in control. And furthermore it would turn off the very type she is trying to attract - Mr Alpha. I agree with a previous poster that an assertive man will positively seek his best sort of match - which is not an assertive woman! The sort of assertive/assertive coupling is doomed to be passionate but frustrating, and ultimately destructive. My advice is if you want a real man - get girly!!!!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

Discouraged Posted: 4/27/2009 10:22:07 AM
'At a glance' OP I suggest you put on some lippy, get your bosom out, curl your hair up a bit and flirt with the camera for a sexy pic. Men are visual creatures and they are far more likely to talk to you if you look fun, feminine and approachable; so what if us girls think that their attitude may be shallow in the early heady days of flirting? You want love don't you??? But do remember after that, play it cool and let HIM do the chasing. Ha, ha - the world is your oyster. Be confident - you are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

Do you snoop on the one you like/love? Posted: 4/13/2009 2:21:48 AM
Snoop Oooer ... yes I did, and yes I still would. In these days of dating virtual strangers (from the internet) with only their say-so on information about themselves, especially in the early days, one cannot be too careful. If this is the case then in my opinion it is GOOD SENSE to google. If he were to google me - what would he find out? That I am whom I say I am, he would find out about my business and be able to verify that I haven't lied at all - I don't care if he Googles me because I have nothing to hide! That's the difference you see. It's all very well to talk about TRUST but in my opinion trust comes later when I get to know someone properly, only a fool would blindly trust a stranger.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 731 (view)

It's a Coffee! Posted: 4/10/2009 10:43:54 AM
OP - Of course he should have bought the drinks! When he invited you to coffee he should have gladly have met you there on time, he should have bought the drinks, he should have been attentive during conversation ... in short he should have acted as a gentlemen as one does with a stranger-whom-you-might-like-to-get-to-know-better. In return you should have matched his enthusiasm - as it was thin on the ground you had little to go on really ... and the relationship was doomed from the start. Wasted time - no doubt he wandered home cursing the fact that his 'charm' was misunderstood, maligned, ignored ... again. There are too many jaded fellows out there and they should not be even contemplating dating the females of the species at all. My advice for men is - unless you can put yourself enthusiastically and optimistically forward - forget trying to find a romantic partner and maybe just get a dog. As to the whys and wherefores to the guy's choice of mint tea - that is irrelevant.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Ladies offering to pay on dates? Posted: 4/6/2009 4:09:56 PM
It would be my intention to never offer to pay. I might be 'independent' in every aspect of my life - but this is the process in looking for a romantic partner! If there was quibbling about a measly drinks tab, or a meal of his choosing (because it would be his decision as to where, how, when) - then the chances of me putting myself into his hands romantically later would be very slim. I would assume that he was either not ready for love, or maybe looking for a platonic chum. Romance should start with impression as to what delights might lie ahead in my opinion. I would only offer to pay if he turned out to be a disappointment and therefore I would feel obliged to him for nothing ... my share, ta ta.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

If u ran the country wat wud u change?? Posted: 3/31/2009 10:30:08 AM
People who insist on using shortforms or are too lazy to use spellcheck would be 'ung, drawn and quartrd

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Why does the guy always have to initiate the date and relationship? or at least most of the time? Posted: 3/31/2009 10:12:01 AM
OP - The process is called 'Natural Selection'. It means that all the shy/weak/lazy males can be 'weeded out' early on in the selection process - simply because they always 'hang back'. The result being that the 'gift of the gab' types always get the lady. I suggest you hang forward, find your balls, get a repertoire together, practise, practise, practise, take the plunge and go for what you want! Good luck and don't delay ... it's not called the Human Race for nothing!!!!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

why do they choose me? Posted: 3/31/2009 9:51:26 AM
Your self-respect must start obviously with yourself, but beyond that you should always expect to be treated well by those around you. In the world of romance - Start off by expecting to be asked out, to a nice place, for drinks maybe, or a meal, expect him to open the door for you, pull out the chair for you, listen as you talk, take an interest in you, and at the end of evening he gladly foots the bill! After the evening, expect him to be a gentleman, to walk you to your car, or preferably your door, expect him to expect nothing but 'thank you' in return. Build on relationships slowly, don't be a selfish ninny but don't give yourself away to every Tom, Dik or Harry or whoever happens to show the slightest bit of interest. Love yourself. Be discerning about whom you allow into your world, love only those who love you, you are special, exclusive and it should be a privilege for a guy to know you. Have great expectations and you will attract the right kind of man.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

Men....what do you think if SHE pays ? Posted: 3/30/2009 10:56:57 AM
What you 'grateful' boys seemed to have missed is WHY the female would pay for your dinner - I think you poor things are just assuming that 'wow this is the perfect scenerio, sex on legs ... and she pays for my dindins so I don't have to pull out my wallet!'. Unfortunately the reason she will willingly pay for you is because she wants to feel NO OBLIGATION to you, the kiss-off, or perhaps a means to an end, ie she has needs to fulfil that night, but you can get lost after that. Before you relax back and forget you are a man and take the 'gift' of her paying, you should think to yourselves - why? and as a man am I happy to be in the role of the receiver?

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 84 (view)

Men....what do you think if SHE pays ? Posted: 3/30/2009 10:53:48 AM
What you 'grateful' boys seemed to have missed is WHY the female would pay for your dinner - I think you poor things are just assuming that 'wow this is the perfect scenerio, sex on legs ... and she pays for my dindins so I don't have to pull out my wallet!'. Unfortunately the reason she will willingly pay for you is because she wants to feel NO OBLIGATION to you, the kiss-off, or perhaps a means to an end, ie she has needs to fulfil that night, but you can get lost after that. Before you relax back and forget you are a man and take the 'gift' of her paying, you should think to yourselves - why? and as a man am I happy to be in the role as receiver?

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 197 (view)

It's a Coffee! Posted: 3/30/2009 10:27:16 AM
Hmmm OP - well I think if it happened to me ... after a decent period of polite waiting (such as you did) I would say, 'I would like a coffee' - which is NOT unreasonable especially as one is in a coffee shop. If he was to continue to stare into space/temporarily lose the skill of listening/or visibly tighten onto his wallet as a reflex - I would assume that the date was over. I suppose if there were some threads of hope in the date growing into something a bit more civil I MIGHT queue up such as you did to buy my own, but I doubt it - you are both still strangers at this point after all - and one would hope that his intention would be to become your lover and protector one day ... not much hope if he won't even stump up for a coffee!!!!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Hysteria - why so taboo in these days of enlightenment? Posted: 3/29/2009 11:57:22 AM
Reading historical contexts about women and hysteria I wonder why and when it became such a taboo subject. It was understood in Victorian times that women without husbands or who lived within such rigid confines that they were unable to fulfil their sexual needs - became sufferers of hysteria and this was treated - by the medical profession - with dildos, sexual stimulation or some sort of acknowledgement or understanding that the woman was in need of 'something' to do with sexual stimulation. I kid not, this was considered a serious medical condition around the turn of the century, where did this understanding go? why are women forced, nowadays, to feel that they can go without a good ******* and say nothing about it?

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

WTF!!!! Why bother?? Posted: 3/22/2009 2:57:15 AM
OP - Forget about finding Mr Right on the internet. Look to your neighbours, your friends, get about and find someone the old-fashioned way.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 129 (view)

Advice on a sudden overdriven libido Posted: 3/9/2009 11:55:32 AM
Yes ... it happens. My (ex) husband likened it to a dying tree giving it's last and most spectacular blossom - I thought that was particularly cruel as I was only barely 40 at the time - but he did have a unfairly low sex-drive. Know yourself - Love yourself - and go with what your body tells you to do but take care to protect your heart at the same time. For me I was lucky enough to find a loving, and gorgeous but demandingly sexy man to fulfil my needs - he requires more than me which is a great balance for my burgeoning thirst. By the way - he is 54 and I am 46 - so I get the cerebral as well as the physical .... lucky me.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 80 (view)

Worse than a no-show- a sneak Posted: 2/25/2009 8:11:40 AM
It is a woman being selfish and rude that makes her late. Not her perogative. Timeliness shows respect. By being late you show a lack of it. And how self-centered you are. If a woman is late without calling on a first date. Good bye. I have better things to do than wait for some stuck up chick. Ooooer - well I did mean it slightly tongue in cheek BUT as one sensible gentleman poster put ... it is SAFER for a woman to approach her first date at the bar rather than sit there waiting at his mercy, and to stand the risk of being callously discarded because he is chicken/fickle/rude/recklessly impulsive. When I was in the dating game I never used to be 'in there' waiting. No - I would usually text my date on arrival that I was near, but as he was to wait in the agreed (public) place, I would then spot him from my car or safe area and graciously glide over to introduce myself, as all good and civilised meetings should start. And ... the chances are that if HE was not late then I would not be late either! If he looked like a nutter then of course I would have taken off without an introduction - but this never happened, I would always vet them mercilessly before any sort of meeting and as my safety had been discussed I would only date those who showed some concern for it - such is the joy of internet dating and taking one's time. Discerning - yes, stuck-up - maybe, so what? I was always safe and respected. I had no bad first dates to draw upon.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Worse than a no-show- a sneak Posted: 2/22/2009 8:06:48 AM
Never 'be there - waiting'. It's a woman's perogative to be a little bit late after all. Let him sit at the bar sweating it out waiting for YOU. Better luck next time (and don't lose a wink of sleep over this loser)!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

What is the best way to handle it if a date passes gas? Posted: 2/13/2009 11:49:26 AM
Candles are a very romantic way of 'diffusing' the situation of excess gas. Always light a candle and you will never be embarrassed - it's an old-fashioned remedy. No explosion guaranteed - the candle may glow a little brighter than usual but that might be due to excitement. An explosion will only occur if you light a match near the source.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 152 (view)

I know I will get blasted for this but... Posted: 2/11/2009 10:12:30 AM
training for a marathon, running past a construction site, with my male jogging partner, wearing very unfeminine running bra and running pants. Poor you. Construction workers will leer at anything appearing remotely female apparently - I suspect the bra gave you away. They would probably call out to a gorilla ... if it was wearing stockings and suspenders. Allure You need to look up the meaning of this word in the dictionary. Has nothing to do with prancing and simpering. Any woman from 16 to 106 can have it. France Being a near-neighbour - I have spent a lot of time in France, and frequently visit the rest of Europe too. The women (of a similar background) do seem to take more care and aren't half as screwed up as a lot of women on POF. Of course many people in the wider world do not take such care with their appearance - many people have no choice because of illness or poverty - these unfortunates are not what this discussion is about. Please don't take my comments personally! I have no idea how YOU dress from day-to-day, I am just discussing my observations, and in my opinion women don't seem to make the effort they should - for themselves if no one else (as we all seem to lead such selfish lives nowadays). Why spend the day wearing shapeless stretchy stuff which does nothing for the female figure and not even a hint of lipstick ? That can't make anyone feel good about their appearance. I dislike any sort of needless scruffiness - from men and women - and I wouldn't dream of foisting myself on an unsuspecting public whilst still in something which resembles my pyjamas - and expect to be taken seriously. Just my opinion in this hard and cruel world. Now where's my lippy?

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Economy going bad... should I even be dating? Posted: 2/11/2009 9:45:31 AM
Unconditional love should be free ... certainly not dependent on the cash you own or owe. NOW is the very best time to find the sort of love that you really desire. They say the most successful ventures start in a recession ....

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 142 (view)

I know I will get blasted for this but... Posted: 2/9/2009 12:05:56 PM
I cannot comment for those women who chose to follow the life of a man as an occupation or intention, but I believe whatever I am wearing I can be graceful and feminine - even in a boiler suit (although I don't own one). It's a countenance which is learned as a child. That every movement should be graceful and with poise, never crouching awkwardly, never stomping. Some women have lost these skills, given that we are now supposed to appear sexually equal, women have lost the advantages of allure - much to their disadvantage (and to the disappointment of men). How can you attract the opposite sex if you don't know how to look and behave like a woman? The techniques are simple, and can be applied in almost any situation. Take the French for instance, hardly ever do you see a woman without make-up or jewellery - even if she is on the check-out at the supermarket, she will invest in lace stockings and pretty eye-shadow - they know the power of allure, not just for others but for themselves. As a visitor to the States I have struggled to see a woman out of sweat pants with hair 'done' - scruffy seems the order of the day for the average female! I have truly felt overdressed at times. Yet those same women have no doubt complained of feeling unfulfilled or ignored - no wonder as the way they appear certainly attract no compliments. Who wants to see what is inside when the outside is so neglected?

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 137 (view)

You call this Dating? Posted: 2/9/2009 11:41:25 AM
/\/\/\/\/\ This is just typical of 'cheapskate over-dating'. People genuinely looking for a love connection should be more discerning BEFORE meeting, therefore avoiding the conveyor belt effect of humdrum - and thus making a budding romance virtually impossible. Less is more.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Do you celebrate Valentine's Day? Posted: 2/8/2009 9:37:35 AM
Too damn right! I have the chocolate hearts on the ready, and his favourite meal planned down to the last petit pois. He told me he has a heart shaped paddle and that should certainly make the 'day of lovers' memorable.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

what if a guy cried at the movies Posted: 2/8/2009 9:30:25 AM
This has happened to me and I felt extremely embarrassed. I tried to make light of the situation by rubbing his arm and trying to engage him in the conversation: 'it's just a film!'. He was inconsolable. His sobbing continued out of the cinema and during a chilly walk to the restaurant, he resumed the waterworks over a crispily cooked haddock steak and chips - why, why why???? Blub, blub - I chucked him.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

How do you deal with a loud talker???? Posted: 1/16/2009 10:27:04 AM
My technique to deal with a loud talker (as opposed to a racist) is to speak in a very lowered tone. Their response would be too either strain to hear me, or to ask me to speak up. If they were to say the latter, of course I would say, yes I am speaking louder, whilst still keeping my voice relatively low until they got the gist in mirroring my lead in conversation - it works every time because it needs them to sharpen their own listening sense which reflects on THEIR OWN sense to their own voice. This technique is especially useful if people insist on playing music loud and talking loudly over the top, they turn the music down and turn the volume of their voice down too which saves me ear-ache. As for racist comments - it depends on where you are and whether the situation is appropriate or whether you find it offensive - that is an entirely different dilemma and personal to you. You have the ability to tell them to shut up. The problem with asking them to quieten down whilst they are speaking loudly in a racist manner would be that they might in some way think that you want to listen to what they have to say - but in a hushed tone of guilty spite.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Lingerie for Christmas - but I thought we were serious?! Posted: 1/4/2009 5:08:12 AM
Thank you for your replies. I can read truth in all of them, marriage is not the cards yet but a casual friendship is not what I want either. When we met the attraction was instant, and yes, we were both infatuated - what is wrong with that? We had tremendous fun in those first heady days. I think that our communication has been pretty good, he knows the sorts of things that I like. I was more concerned that this guy seemed unwilling to make a Christmas gesture that would go beyond us as a couple ... I could hardly show my parents or his/my children what he had given me! Some people thought it was odd when I said he hadn't got me anything (which was the truth after he took the lingerie back) but I just laughed it off : ( . I was worried that he may be trying to cool the relationship, or put it on a different footing. What with the credit crunch and everything else, things are not as easy as they were a few months ago when we met and I know he is feeling the strain. I am probably being to analytical, but I don't want to ignore any warning signs ....

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Lingerie for Christmas - but I thought we were serious?! Posted: 1/4/2009 3:24:04 AM
I have been seeing this guy for 5 months. After two weeks he asked me to marry him and tried to buy me a ring, but we both saw sense and decided to get to know each other better and wait. Now Christmas rolls around and I was NOT expecting a ring, even after 5 months it is still too early, BUT it would have been nice to have received something a little more cerebral than a naughty nightie - I was disappointed and a bit insulted. Oh I know that I should have been grateful he thought of me at all, but I can't help feeling that he didn't really consider my feelings in the purchase - after all it was more for him than for me! We had a bit of an argument about it and as a result he took it back to the shop and that was the last of it, we haven't discussed it since, except I did tell him that I was disappointed, he just said he wanted to get me something personal and he thought I would like it. Actually I would rather have not received it at all for all the trouble it caused. I bought him books, a classical cd and clothes - all of which I carefully chose and I knew he wanted and would like. Our relationship is normally very romantic, lots of sex, he treats me well, is considerate and generous, loving and we have a good balance of lifestyle and family. I know I shouldn't read too much into gift giving but I would appreciate a male perspective on this because I keep worrying about it.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 324 (view)

rape in a relationship? Posted: 12/21/2008 4:20:12 AM
In the cases of 'forced sex' or 'sex without consent' as opposed to 'sex with violence' within a relationship I think we are talking about control here. Presumably when a couple embark on a relationship, and especially in a marriage, they agree to honour each other bodies. In the journey they take together if one person goes back on that agreement, then they drive the relationship in a certain direction which is negative for the couple. The reasons they may have may well be valid, but to expect the other party to go without a large aspect of what makes coupledom is unreasonable in my opinion. Severe illness aside, just saying 'no' is not good enough. This puts a pressure and an anxiety on the man to find it elsewhere, either paying for it or having an affair; or to become unwillingly celibate. All of which carry issues of damage to the exclusivity of the couple. 'No means no' carries implications on both sides. The woman is taking control by controlling his intimacy with her can hardly complain when he seeks comfort elsewhere! I think that the pendulum has swung too far, there ARE times when women don't feel like 'thinking of England' (a Victorian term for sex) , and there are times when all we feel like we are being 'just a vessel' (the pumping away term is oh so true sometimes!) but one must look at the bigger picture - and the consequences of rejection. To give in to sex on the few occasions when you don't feel like it might not feel that good at the time but the next morning you might wake up with a delicious smile on your face and love in your heart. It is not unheard of for 'forced sex' to happen quite a lot within a loving relationship but this is rarely discussed outside the couple. Political correctness doesn't exist inside the bedroom unless you want your marriage destroyed! To say no - and watch him turn his back, or take his pleasure elsewhere, is going to cripple the relationship in some way - serious questions need to be asked the next morning as to your commitment to your partner. In my opinion if you have a happy and loving relationship the question of consent never even occurs in the first place anyway - in choosing to be with him exclusively he knows I am there when he wants me - isn't that what it is all about?

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

Women not letting men do things for them. Posted: 12/18/2008 10:10:26 AM
"just to be nice" Perhaps they have forgotten how to be 'nice' because too many people are cynical. Turn the tables and take the risk - the challenge is just say 'thanks!' - whatever suspicions you may have about their intentions. You could well be pleasantly surprised at their reaction and furthermore make a friend out of it. At the end of the day most people just want to be accepted, and to give each other small pleasures such as respect and cordiality is well on the way to happiness.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 99 (view)

Am I to wait for him to fall for me? Posted: 12/18/2008 7:30:13 AM
OP - I think that so far you have all to play for. You two have had a few dates, you have touched on the subject of deepening your relationship (having sex). He has contacted you and told you his feelings on waiting 'until the time is right' for sex which I think is highly commendable. I think he sounds like a respectable person who is considering your feelings, by contacting you, in voicing his. Give the pace of the relationship back to him and let him lead you the way. That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and wait! You are still at the deliciously wonderful stage of flirtation and anticipation, make sure that your feminine allure and manners are perfectly polished, and, crucially, you do not attempt to try and seduce him. Let him do it and just enjoy the moment, ultimately whether you go for it will be your personal choice anyway! So you both might be able to have some fun here. I am sure he won't be able to resist - happy hunting!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Shooting of eleven year old boy Rhys Jones in the UK Posted: 12/17/2008 11:40:04 AM
The poem written by his father had me (and numerous others) in tears today ... so poignant.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Women not letting men do things for them. Posted: 12/17/2008 9:20:23 AM
I know that women do this! It might be out of shyness, or them thinking that you are 'coming on to them' but there is really no need for it. Many people have forgotten how to be polite in company. Women particularly should use their instincts as to whether a man is being genuine or not. I would guess that at the sort of events you describe, such as a barbecue, that your intention is to be genuinely helpful and amiable - if only with the opposite sex, why not?! If nothing else it might be a good ice-breaker or conversation opener. If this is the case then, as a female, I would smile graciously and say 'thank you' - it costs nothing. Sadly it seems that many people nowadays are needlessly too cautious, they hedge around not speaking to people they don't know, they subsequently don't meet anyone new ... and then wonder why they find it all so difficult.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 271 (view)

rape in a relationship? Posted: 12/10/2008 8:20:57 AM
'Rape (within marriage) is like being force-fed chocolate cake' - quoted by a political activist - shortly before he was fired.

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Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 433 (view)

Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not? Posted: 12/9/2008 11:43:49 AM
He wakes me up and insists ... rape? I wake him up and insist ... a lovely surprise? People - get real! Rape just does not 'happen' within a loving relationship. This question makes a mockery of those who have been truly put through this awfu and violentl ordeal. Unexpected sex within a loving relationship is a bonus. Yea!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

When You Were Younger Which Posters Adorned Your Bedroom Wall ? Posted: 12/9/2008 11:36:55 AM
Donny Osmond, David Broom and Red Rum.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Interesting excuses for a breakup Posted: 10/29/2008 6:23:56 AM
He said I was too artistic. He was a philistine so we were likely to clash ... so I agreed.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 381 (view)

Middle Aged Cheap Skates.... Posted: 10/29/2008 6:21:03 AM
Yawwwwwwwwn After the decades of feminism that have been inflicted by the women of this age group on the women too. See you inside McDonalds (through the window as I shall be outside walking past)

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Are Brand's and Ross's apology over obscene phone calls enough? Posted: 10/29/2008 3:19:29 AM
They will be fired. They will re-emerge on Channel 4.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

HELP...I smell bunny boiling!! Posted: 10/29/2008 2:14:16 AM
OP He sounds just too keen to me. Some people are so out of touch with dating and relating to the opposite sex that they blunder in and make the wrong impression. If you still see any attraction to him I would be honest and tell him that you would appreciate if he would only call you once an evening. If not, why not do him a humankind favour and wish him well but tell him that you found his keenness offputting and in future he might like to play it cooler. It seems people are so quick to judge nowadays .... branding everyone different as 'stalkers' just because they are very keen. Instead of using your common sense you chose to broadcast to the forum and I have suspiciouns that you did this to whip up a very predictable hysteria ... tiresome.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

why do people commit suicide in general? Posted: 10/24/2008 10:24:34 AM
Absolute despair. At having tried all the avenues to sort out their life, they hit upon a solution - the final solution. Someone close to me did it. His life was full of challenges, yet all his life he struggled to overcome them, sometimes he barely seemed to try though - especially in the latter stages. His life seemed full of frustration, simmering anger, unreasonable paranoia. In some respects it was true, people would tease him for being pathetic and lazy, yet now in retrospect he maintained a distance for life which many of us still find difficult to understand. In the final weeks he described himself as being 'retired' - people scoffed at this and chided him because he was actually unemployed. Yet unbeknowned to us he was calmly following a path downwards to his final goal. He planned it meticulously to the last detail. Starting at dawn the deed was done quickly and with minimal pain. Even sparing his loved ones of having to identify his body (he was clutching his passport). In fact wryly he had never planned and executed something so well in his 40 years of life before. He left a short note and no other indication as to his state of mind, within a few weeks his entire existence had been reduced to a single drawer of memories. He left two young children, something I find hard to forgive - they have that legacy for life. I don't blame him and I try to feel pity, I sometimes feel a sense of peace that he no longer has to live with such day to day disappointment, but I feel sad that he has missed out on two such bright and beautiful daughters that have had to grow up without their dad ... and the optimist in me remembers the times when he could light up the room with his humour and how much he loved his girls. But I expect if he had remained alive he would still have the face the same challenges he struggled with - nothing would have changed.

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Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 410 (view)

Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not? Posted: 10/20/2008 12:37:14 PM
He wakes me up every night at around 2-3am. Starts off like a dream and then before I know it he is at it hammer and tongs. Sometimes I feel very exhausted the next day ... although I love these feelings of twilight intimacy when the rest of the world appears asleep. I don't know what to do about it, so I do nothing at the moment except go with it ... and take afternoon naps if I can.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Will you still love me tomorrow? Posted: 10/20/2008 11:12:33 AM
Is this not every man's perfect dream? A lady in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a slut in the bedroom. All you need to do is learn to cook ...!!!!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Will you still love me tomorrow? Posted: 10/20/2008 9:45:11 AM
There is nothing more wonderful than finding out during your first sexual encounter ... after a decent period of courtship ... that you are amazingly compatible. Your ideal is not every man you meet, you need to find out a bit more about him every date before you risk going to bed with him. Get him to have affection for you in everyday situations before you reveal your passionate side. A man who is confident with his masculinity is a good start. Finding your match as a submissive, is a dominant lover, and you will be able to tell his compatibility without asking for a single thing ... you will just know by the way he behaves ... and the way it makes you feel. Don't bother with those who don't understand where you are coming from this will only frustrate you and they will probably treat you badly because of this. Ignore the men who are afraid.

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

Did anyone have any success with following The Rules? Posted: 10/5/2008 9:48:46 AM
I have read the book and found that it was useful in several ways - but most of the time I was doing these anyway! Don't call him - I think is good advice, most men like to initiate this themselves, and also has the double usage of sorting out whether he is interested in you or not without you having to lift a finger. But if he does call you and you are not around - call him back as soon as possible. Calls limited to 10 minutes - forget this, talk as much as you like. The same with dates, my first date lasted 7 hours of bliss. Don't pay for the first few dates - yes I agree. Why bother with someone who is not prepared to invest for this wonderful adventure. But you must reciprocate with something to show your wonderful culinary (or other) skills. He must be impressed. Listen more than talk. Give away a little bit about yourself every time - good advice and good self-protection. Don't dominate the conversation about yourself, your problems, your past. Don't sleep with him on the first few dates - ditto as above. Don't tell him what to do - good advice, what men don't agree with that!? Give him space to have his own life, and have a life of your own - good advice. Set a time limit for a marriage proposal - why not? Plenty of men keep their girls waiting around for years and as a consequence the girl fails to get her needs met(more fool them). Be a creature unlike any other ... well this has always worked for me. You must always be yourself. OP - it very much depends on what sort of man you are after. If your wish is to be with an assertive go-getter then The Rules are pretty good for a start as this will appeal to his masculine instinct - but I recommend The Surrendered Single as a more realistic version for finding Mr Gorgeous. Don't settle for Mr Tepid. Happy hunting!

Pretaporter

Joined: 3/1/2008

Msg: 107 (view)

Sexual Harrassment Harrassment Posted: 10/5/2008 9:15:55 AM
I know personally of some business owners who discreetly discriminate against women, particularly of child-bearing age, on the job application process because they have been burnt in the past with 'harrassment' cases. A particular friend had months of hassle by a woman claiming to be sexually harrassed when she didn't get the promotion she apparently thought she deserved - it all came to nothing after reaching the highest level and wasted a hell a lot of business hours and legal fees. Apparently a costly pay-out by the firm would have eased her 'insult'. Another friend took on a female to work in his shop only to find that as soon as legally possible and for maximum benefit to her - she fell pregnant - she got maximum benefits not once, not twice, but three times over the next three years. He was a small business owner and had to pay for maternity leave for three consecutive children. In his words ' she knew how to use the system' and meanwhile her colleagues had to work even harder to fill the gap which legally had to left open to her to return - which she never did. All women are now losing out as a consequence! Employers are not stupid and if they are filling a valuable post in their business they are more likely to go for the reliability of a man - particularly small business owners. If women really truly believe in equality they should dress appropriately, act professionally and concentrate on doing their job to their best ability. There are a lot of crooked and stupid women out there who will gladly put themselves into the spotlight of crying 'harrassment' and 'rights' much to the detriment of their sisters.

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