No sparks should I try again? chat & forums.

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staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

No sparks should I try again? Posted: 11/23/2009 1:34:55 PM
I would have to agree with landra2, if he rejected you than you shouldn't ask him out again and if he was being so nice then he would have just simply rejected you the first time and left it as that. I wouldn't waste your time with him and I would move on to someone else who is interested in you.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 65 (view)

Is it worthwhile to date here? Posted: 11/23/2009 1:20:32 PM
My experiences on here have been different, the women I have met on here where looking for something other than what I was looking for. I think just as many women online are looking for the casual sex than men here, but I am looking for something long-term. Women can play just as many head games as the men do but it seems like the men don't plan out their head games like the women do. I met a pretty nice woman on here and we where dancing at a local nightlcub and she mentioned she was on here. However she gave me her phone number but I think she was halway sober or she used that as an excuse because she told me that she felt embarassed. My experience was her than her girlfriend told her that she wasn't sober but I felt that she wasn't interested in me because I never heard back from her after a week. I happen to run into her at the same club and she tells me that she was being picky. So I just really got one the usual lines I am used to hearing like most of the nice guys hear like "Your a nice guy but I just want us to be friends." Me being used to being stuck in the friend zone almost look for that line. I wasn't mad at her or anything like that but I think she was just caught up in the moment and had a good time dancing with me and I was just her dance partner for the night because she probably had no intention of a second date with me. I would go for real-life dating other than on-line dating, social dating clubs, meeting them through a mutual friend, church, or possibly work or some other source. While I'm not saying that you cannot meet a good person on-line it is just like trying to find a needle in a haystack and it becomes easier for people to lie online than in real life. So it depends on on what you are looking for and your chances of meeting someone decent that may be a match for you. The best thing to do is to get out there and keep on fishing.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Have you ever decided against messaging someone because of uncertainty about racial requirements? Posted: 11/20/2009 6:11:25 PM
Soft and Happy has some valid points but POF com doesn't have a system to where you can screen by race although you can do searches of the particular race you want to date. Some women mention that they prefer to date a certain race of men in their profile so that the other races of men not fitting their preferences won't message them. However I tend to disagree with SoftandHappy that a black man wearing baggy clothes and living the thug life is less attractive to white women because I see on the average many of those kind of black men at the movie theatres with white women. I think the particular type of white women who usually go for those types of thuggish black men are usually have some ghetto in them as well. So I do tend to agree that a black businessman will attract more white women who are middle class or upper middle class then the thuggish types. Being race-neutral has its advantages but if you have your racial preferences then you don't want to be race-neutral. Sometimes if a woman isn't attracted to your race then she simply won't respond to your messages, read delete them, unread delete, or read them because she doesn't want to say anything to hurt your feelings. It's a nice way of turning you down without being rude, mean, or offensive so she would rather not respond then to send a nasty reply back.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

Would you message someone if you knew they weren't going to respond? Posted: 11/20/2009 5:49:01 PM
I think that some people on POF get so much mail and messages that they can't possibly reply to everyone on here, just the ones that sound interesting. Sometimes with the read it, delete it, read, unread deleted, you just have to assume that the person is just not interested in getting to know you at all. I don't get a whole lot of messages on POF because I usually don't send out a lot of messages to women unless they message me first. I'm a picky person so I would not message a person if I knew they where not going to respond but sometimes you never know for sure. Sometimes they will reply back in a few days and other times they won't respond at all. Just get out there and keep fishing.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Male ED Posted: 11/20/2009 5:35:53 PM
Male Ed could be caused from problems with high blood pressure, being overweight, vein flow problems, blood sugar levels, over-masturbation, and a host of other problems as well. The best thing to do is to go to the doctor who specalizes in treating ED problems and get their recommendations. For some men with male Ed it could be a simple as losing weight or reducing their blood pressure and making other lifestyle changes, for others it could mean taking the Ed drugs or a penile implant. I think male Ed embarasses most men and they don't usually talk about the problems right away to their girlfriends or wives. Male Ed can be cured but the first thing to do in the early stages of ED is to get help.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 197 (view)

What is sexy about FAT??? Posted: 11/20/2009 5:25:52 PM
Magical Mary, Sometimes people look at a fat person and think they are not motivated to lose weight, and then there are others that think a fat is sexy so they have a fetish about fat people. I think I could not have summed it up as Svetlana Blue did when she said "To each his or her own" what may be sexy about a fat person to one person may not be sexy to another one. I'm sure that you will find a man that likes you for the person you are on the inside and not care about what is on the outside, so there is someone for everyone out there.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 151 (view)

What is the best way to handle it if a date passes gas? Posted: 11/20/2009 5:02:39 PM
I guess the mannerly thing to do is to ask him to excuse himself if he didn't already do so. If you have a gas mask or something to cover your nose then be sure and do that or get out of the room. Farting usually happens at the most embarassing moments and I have had a woman that I went out on a date a few months ago in a public restaurant who farted real loud and everyone heard it. I just laughed it off and of course I excused myself from her presence as she herself made an excuse to go to the bathroom. It wouldn't be a definite dealbreaker on a date but it would be embarassing if it was done in public in front of a lot of people. Just be sure to call the fire department if he plans on lighting a match to his farts.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 161 (view)

Im getting sick of women lying to me.... Posted: 11/18/2009 12:25:55 PM
I think that is also true with me because it seems that I get asked out by the white women but never get asked by the black women. Not that it would bother me that I never get asked out by any black women, but I have nothing against any white man going out with a black woman. There are a lot of black women out there who like white men and I believe it is due to the shortage of black men or the increasing numbers of black men who are dating non-black women. There's nothing wrong with you I think it is just that you need to make yourself available to the white men and start asking them out if your interested in them. I often hear that the nice guys finish last and I get stuck in the friend zone a lot. Nice guys should date nice girls but usually the nice guys are not dating the nice girls. The nice guys start to turn into badboys because they think it makes the relationship more exciting or that they want to attract more women (certain types of women though). I have had some white women lie to me and tell me that they are looking for a nice black guy to start a long term relationship but later on I find out that they are more interested in the black guys who are badboys. Or that they tell me that a nice black guy is boring or no fun in bed (not true there). I tell them that I am not like that and they usually come up with the line "Let's just be friends okay?" That usually is interpreted to me is that they want friendship but they really want the badboys for more than friendship. I think this runs true with all races of men and not just black men in general. The way the media stereotypes and plays up to the image of the badboy black man it is kind of like women are expected of us to be the bad guy types and not the nice guy types. I think that oppossites attract and for some women it holds true. Nice guys and girls finish last.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

contact Posted: 11/8/2009 11:38:31 AM
yourscooter62, If she has removed you from her favorites list then that is a good signal that she is not interested in you anymore. If a female reads or reads deletes your email messages but does not reply at all then she is definitely not interested in continuing the relationship or that she finds reasons to not meet you then you are wasting your time calling her back. If she forgot to call and hung out at a friend's house how do you know that she is really at her friend's house? You don't know since your not officially dating so I believe that this lady is done with you and you are better off looking for someone else. I can understand a person's busy schedules but if they are on here looking to date then if you really want to date another person then you can always make time to be together. Don't take the rejection personally because if you do then you are bound to do it with the next person that is not interested in you. Just get out there and continue fishing.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

How much contact is too much? Posted: 11/7/2009 7:11:56 PM
I think I agree with mandanj because I remember that I met a person on here in person and she gave me her phone number. So since I do not like to call a lady a bunch of times she assumed that I wasn't interested in her when I didn't call her back right away. Sometimes people have busy schedules and it doesn't always mean that they are not interested if they don't contact you right away. Sometimes if you contact a lady too much it might send a signal that your are desparate for a date or that you are trying to move too fast. When a long period of no contact goes by between the two of you then in that instance there's no mutual interest at all. I would call her to line up a date and then wait for her to respond and if she never responds then take that as a signal that she is not interested in a second date and move on to someone who is interested in you. Life is too short to put your life on hold too long for a date when someone is out there who will go on a date with you. Just keep your hopes up and don't get discouraged and keep fishing.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 1081 (view)

Why do hot girls never give a chance to an average looking guy? Posted: 11/6/2009 5:00:11 PM
Enchanted skies, I think that most hot girls do give a chance to an average looking guy because he may have more going for himself than the hot guy that she has dated. I consider myself an average looking guy but I have had hot women consider me as "hot" and sometimes what one woman considers hot may not be what another woman considers hot. I don't brag or walk around thinking that I am all that I keep a very humble approach when thinking of myself. I think hot is more defined by me as to what is on the inside rather than what is on the outside although the physical is important as well. Beauty fades with age because you are not going to look like some hot supermodel when you are in your 50s or 60s unless you have had a lot of plastic surgery like Cher or Liz Taylor.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Safety issues at POF Posted: 11/6/2009 4:48:25 PM
I think that meeting in public place is safe for a first date, but typing their names into search engines could be also like finding a needle in the haystack. Some people have common names and unless you know their middle name it is like trying to find a thousand john does on the internet. Most people won't generally give out any personal information that you meet them in person and they know nothing about you. Warning signs are if the person insists that you meet them at their place after not knowing them initially at all. The only time have I met a person at their place is that I knew them through their friends and my friends have known them for quite some time. I wouldn't suggest meeting a total stranger in a non-public place at all because there are just too many crazy people out there these days.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

Gold Diggers, or someone of that ilk Posted: 11/6/2009 4:36:30 PM
I would have to agree that when your money situation changes then suddenly women that didn't even give you the time of day are interested in dating you. I think that most of the hot women I have dated or wish to date are high maintenance types of women, I guess women think of themselves like a hot looking sport car, the hotter the car the more money you have to pay in maintaining that ride. I may be wrong, but it seems like the average to ugly looking women have not been high maintence types because the majority of men want to go out with a hot woman. Do you ever see a playboy bunny with a poor guy or guy who isn't making the money? No, hardly not and if you do see them with an average guy then he has to have a lot more going on than just money. I seem to be one of the lucky ones because I have dated hot women who weren't after my cash but they liked me for being a good lover and what I was about. Then I also dated average looking women as well so it was never about my money and I wouldn't want a golddigger anyway. Usually a golddigger will start a vicious cycle when someone else comes along with more money and more material things then they dump the person they are with for the richer person and so forth. Golddiggers can be either men or women but I think women can manipulate or scheme the situation more if they want to get a man's money then the other way around.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 96 (view)

separated but still living together... to believe or not Posted: 11/6/2009 4:23:13 PM
kingsfan72 I would have to agree with Landra because if he is still living with his wife in the same house and they are getting a divorce then he is still legally married. So this is probably a married man who says that he is getting a divorce but when is that really going to happen? 1 year down the road, several months, or an unknown time frame, don't wait until he gets a divorce or put your life on hold until he leaves his wife. More than likely he has probably just wanted to hook up and keep his wife and have you too. IF I where a woman I would definitely avoid this married man unless you are the type who doesn't care whether he's married or not and looking just to hook up with him. Separated means still married and the only time I would suggest that you meet him is when he gets rid of his wife and shows you the divorce papers to verify that he is a single man. Even if he was single then there the question of that if he is still living with his wife that he might just want a mistress on the side to hook up with. I would not waste your time with him and move to someone who is single. You'll find the right man just keep on fishing.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not? Posted: 11/6/2009 4:10:25 PM
GoldenMoonRose, I am just about the same way and I am not a phone person either. I like to text and email or then talk on the phone for short conversations but I rather meet them in person. Sometimes it has been to where I met them in person but then I get the line that goes,"It was nice meeting you." which usually means that there is not going to be second meeting. Othertimes it may be that I may meet a lady and then I ask her what form of contact that she is most comfortable with and then I proceed from there. I usually tell them that I am not a phone person but it is not that I lack any conversation skills it is just that I am a writer by heart and I'm used to writing and emailing. You are not the only one who does not like to use the phone as a screening method because talking on the phone cannot be read the same way as talking in person. When you talk to a person then you can read the body language, subtle signals from the face, and whether they make continued eye contact or they glance away from your eyes when talking to you at times. Just be comfortable the way you are and if they cannot accept your mode of communication then move on to someone your more comfortable with.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Adult Dating Sites and Intimate Encounters Posted: 11/5/2009 8:56:32 AM
Sirenbliss, Most of the time as far as the adult dating sites and intimate encounters are usually thought of as a good idea if that is what a woman is looking for and only that. It would be a bad idea if she where looking for a long-term relationship or serious relationship with a man. Since I am looking for a long term relati0nship then I would be deceiving a woman if I went on those sites looking for something other than what I originally wanted. Sometimes here on pof.com there may be women on here who want a serious relationship but it doesn't mean that they wouldn't take to posting their dating profile on an adult website until they find something long term. Most of the women on here specifically state that they are not looking for intimate encounters or sex so I take it as face value to mean exactkly what they write on here. As for me I think most women feel that men are whorish or trashy if they go to sites and use them, I am saying men and not a real gentleman. Sometimes most women never meet the men in person on those websites and they just enjoy sexy talk or talk that gets them turned on. Othertimes some women are taking their sexual fantasies and want to go further into turning that fantasy into a reality. The best advice I can give you if that you want to find love and someone you will be with for a long time just avoid those adult sites alltogether. :

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 129 (view)

What is sexy about FAT??? Posted: 11/5/2009 8:26:20 AM
I would have to agree with bluesandrock and svetlana blue on this one because I like my women with curves, or muscular or a little bit on the thick side but not overly obese nor too skinny either. I have only dated one skinny woman as I am 6'5 and can carry a little more weight then needed. I am considered tall, big-boned, and muscular and I usually don't go for overly obese women. Some men are big woman lovers and others arent. I also find that the stereotype often though as an African-American man is that we tend to go for larger women over skinny women period. It can be fetish for some men but as for myself I don't consider it a fetish.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

How do girls feel when the guy can't finish? Posted: 11/5/2009 8:15:40 AM
Most women feel that if a guy cannot finish that she did something wrong in not making him turned on in the bedroom or it could be that he has erectile dsyfunction problem as well. The best thing to do is to tell the truth to her although she might not like it it is better than trying to fake an orgasm.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 288 (view)

ok boys which do u prefer boobs or butts? Posted: 11/5/2009 8:11:53 AM
As for me I prefer a nice butt, not too big but enough to hold onto. Big boobs are a plus for me but not a requirement. Like the Sir Mix A Lot old school rap song says ,"I like big butts I cannot lie you other brothers can deny...." and if you have heard the song "Baby Got Back" then you know what I am talking about. I also like a cute face and a pretty smile as well. Overrall her personality would make a difference as well. If I couldn't get a long with her or that there is no chemistry it wouldn't matter if she had a nice butt or not.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Are you available; or jus wasting my time Posted: 11/5/2009 8:01:41 AM
Candyapp, I think that this guy is just wasting your time if all he talks about is his work. He seems a little self-centered and egocentric if you asked my personal opinion. He may be terrified of committment but more than likely you are a putting yourself in a position to be very frustrated if you propositioned the guy. Any man who whines or complains about his work or personal life already should gives you plenty of hints that he is not going to be in any serious relationship anytime soon. Sometimes there is the saying "Misery loves company" don't be a company to his misery at all. In most cases you are better off just to go out there and start fishing for someone else. Plenty of more fish in the sea for you.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

What are the rules about swapping phone numbers and making the first call? Posted: 11/5/2009 7:51:45 AM
I think sassy scorpio is just being careful about meeting someone and getting to know them pretty well. I have found out that a meeting in person gives me a good first impression as to whether there will be anything past a "meet and greet" because there have been times when I have met a lady in person and then I don't hear back from them for a week or more. I have found out that they call me a week later after our initial meeting in person and found out they are still interested in a second date and so forth. However that rarely happens to me and usually the only time it happens is when the other person is just dating around and then they establish interest in you only after waiting a while to contact you. Usually if I give out my phone number to a lady that I don't know well I usually tell her that she can return my call from a blocked or private number if she is not comfortable giving out her number. I have never had the experience of blocking someones number nor have I had my calls blocked but I'm pretty sure that people on here have met some weirdos or stalkers to where they had to block their number. Then there are times when you get to know someone well and then you really find out that you don't know them well as you think you do. It takes at least a couple of dates and a time frame from six months to a year before you really know a person inside and out. Then again you could be in a relationship with someone who that you thought knew well but you find out that they where lying all along or playing games with you or found out that they had been cheating on you with someone else. Some people don't take rejection well but usually when that happens to those people you shouldn't have to give them any long explanation or nasty replies or offensive comments. A simple "I'm not interested in a relationship with you!" should be easy enough for anyone to understand.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

What are the rules about swapping phone numbers and making the first call? Posted: 11/4/2009 9:50:28 PM
If the girl gives me her phone number then I tell her that I am the one who should call her. I usually don't like to call the woman I wait for the lady to call me, if she has my phone number and she is interested in meeting me then she will call me. Sometimes there is no cut and dried rule for exchanging phone numbers sometimes I had waited for the lady to call me back and then I found out later that she was interested in meeting me but she assumed I wasn't interested since I didn't call her back right away. So the bottom line is that if the lady tells me that she will call me then I wait for her to call me back, if I tell the lady that I will call her then I will follow up with a call. Either way I always let the lady know as to whether I would show interest or not just to be polite and not to leave her hanging. Other times you can't always assume that if a person doesn't call you back right away that they are not interested because they might have a busy schedule during the week and they won't get to returning your call until at the end of the week. I have had that happen to me a few times when I waited for someone to call me back and then they call a week later and tell me that I should have called them or contacted them in some way shape or form. I let the lady know that I don't operate that way up front and that if she is really interested in me to contact me by whatever means that she chooses to contact me whether it is by email, cell phone text message, phone call, or letter.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 58 (view)

Does online dating make your life easier? Posted: 11/2/2009 7:48:49 PM
I would have to agree with landra2 on some points. If they can give your friends numbers and their friends are honest and can verify for them then you could possibly have an honest person. Most of the people here on pof.com as for the people who have actually met me in person know that my photo and profile is mine. You can meet just as many people who dishonest in real life as you do online. So it can go both ways. However online dating shouldnt be the only form of dating that you use because people are social and computers never take the place of real social interaction. As for me I prefer dating in real life through a friend, church, or work.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude? Posted: 11/2/2009 7:38:37 PM
Gwendolyn2009 is very blunt when saying that when she meets a man as to whether their is an attraction or not. Usually I find if a woman is attracted to me then she will extend the first meeting longer than 30 minutes unless she has lunch with me and has to get back to work. I think it is better to be blunt about your feelings rather than use the "I'll call you later" line and then you never call them back at all. The majority of time is when people don't want to extend the meeting than they start to come up with things to get out of extending that meeting like the following lines. 1. I have something important to do and I will call you later 2. I have an urgent family illness or emergency to take care of. 3. I can't stay any longer but it was nice meeting you. 4. It's late and I really have to go now. And then there are other ones at the most, while I am not saying these can be legitimate excuses the majority of time it is a nice way of saying that they are not going to meet you again and that there is no attraction to you at all. So sometimes it is just a matter of reading between the lines. So if there is no second meeting and if the person doesn't take the time to show an interest after the first meeting then you should just go ahead and start fishing again. That is why they call it plentyoffish.com because there are plenty more fish in the sea than to waste your time fishing for a fish that won't take your bait. Just draw your fishing line out and go fishing again!

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

looks or profile, what attracks you first? Posted: 11/2/2009 4:35:25 PM
I think what attracts me first is the profile and then the looks might be secondary. You have lots of men who want a hottie and then they don't care about what type of personality that she has even if she has a lot of serious issues going on. Most of the profiles here on pof.com are not honest and some of them are honest so you have use your own good judgement and screen out the ones that appear deceiving or dishonest in any way. I think the profile would always be the first choice if I email someone but I also look at the picture as well. You cannot always go by a photo of someone because they could be using outdated photos or even pictures of someone else on their profiles. A public first meeting in person after emailing them a few times or talking to them on phone gives a good general first impression of how you think they are. Most of the time it takes at least six months to a good year before you really get to know the person inside and out, othertimes people tend to make snap judgements about a person based on the way they dress, act, talk, or their group of friends they hang out with.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

Racism on my date Posted: 10/27/2009 6:13:53 PM
ed Burke001 mentioned that a good education and job does not qualify a black man as dating material to a white woman. I think a decent education and good paying job are an attraction to any woman no matter what her color is. I tend to disagree with that statement because if the black man does not have a decent education and a job then how is he going to provide for the family? While it would be harder as a provider to support his family I think it would be an added plus as well a sexual attraction. I know tons of white women who have sexual attraction to black men but only certain kinds of black men, black men with Corporate careers, black men in sports, black men in church, or other handsome black men that they constantly fantasize about. On the opposite ends of the spectrum I know plenty of white men who are attracted to black women but they don't follow through with it because of racism in their family or friends. I think that main reason why many white women who feel that they are not attracted to black men is because of racism in their family or friends and it not them directly.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Racism on my date Posted: 10/27/2009 5:59:05 PM
Ender 330 has some good points there but I don't totally agree with his statement that if a white girl goes brings home a clean cut black man to her parents that there would necessarily be racism at all. In fact I know several white women who are friends of mine who would gladly take a clean cut black guy who has his act together over a white guy who does illegal things or other bad behavior. So that statement doesn't hold true in ever case but only ones the white girl's family that are racist to begin with or have no exposure to black people at all. If I had to choose between a white woman who does drugs or other bad things over another woman who was a respectable member of society and keep their act together, I would definitely choose the latter.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Is different taste in music enough for you to kill the second date? Posted: 10/26/2009 5:48:46 PM
Mystie Dragonfly, I think you are right in not wanting to go out with him again. Sometimes people listen to the music and then soon they start to become what they listen to. Othertimes you can find a person that listens to rap music but does not dress or act like a rapper or rapper fan of the music. I am open to new types of music but when it comes to dancing to the music I prefer music that I can dance natural to, listening is a different case. There are music that I can only listen to but would never dance to.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 439 (view)

How do you tell if your a victim of Racism? Posted: 10/26/2009 5:08:40 PM
While you commented and messaged a female on how great she looked in her pictures when she said that she doesn't date black guys means what it exactly means. If she where attracted to black men then she would either let you know or she would be interested in you in some way shape or form. Usually if you ask if a female is attracted to black guys or not because then you may setting yourself up for a negative response or she may think your on the site trolling for white chicks or that she thinks you may want to date her because she is white. Sometimes if a female never responds to your messages or blocks you then she simply may not be interested in you as a person and it is not because your black or that she doesn't date black guys. A lot of white women who exclusively date black men here on pof.com will usually have it listed in their profiles or that they will come out and tell you that they date black guys without you having to ask them at all.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Is different taste in music enough for you to kill the second date? Posted: 10/26/2009 4:51:41 PM
I think that Death Metal and Rap have only in interest if your date likes that kind of music. I find that different tastes in music may be a reason for me to kill a date if they insist that that I must like that kind of music as well. However they may not like that music but can tolerate listening to it every now and then is a different story. Most of the time if a person likes country music then they tend to like the mellow laid back music and don't usually go for Rap or music with hard or suggestive overtones to it.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Racism on my date Posted: 10/26/2009 4:42:26 PM
I dont think that barbee1970 has a clear view of how racism affects everyone in general. Blakcs don't have it easy in the workplace one bit, in fact it is even harder in the workplace for blacks. I don't believe that a black person should play the race card and use his race as an excuse to get away with things at work. While at the same time many whites I have worked with or do work with get away with things daily. Do I complain about them? No, I just do my job to the best of my ability and let my work performance be a good grade of a hard-worker that I am. I have lived in mainly all-white neighborhoods like Overland Park, KS Olathe, KS, Shawnee,KS and here in Blue Springs, Mo and I probably have been a victim of racism as well. There are probably whites who have experienced discrimination in black neighborhoods as well but usually that is why they want to live in a mainly all-white neighborhood or gated communities. If you ever heard of "white flight" it is white people moving out of those mainly all-black neighborhoods and it is not because they have anything against blacks it is just that they are concerned about their own well-being and saftey and feel they would be safer moving to a neighborhood with less crime in it. Crime is everywhere and moving out of a crime-ridden neighborhood does not necessarily mean it would be an all-black neighborhood. I have found that crime is more of an occurence in the poor cities and less in the rich neighborhoods. So crime may not be necessarily race-related. Anywhere you have high unemployment, poverty, and lack of good schools the crime rate is going to be there. Racism hurts everyone and no one benefits from it effects.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

People With No Conversation Skills Posted: 10/26/2009 4:02:44 PM
I would have to agree with Gwendolyn2009 because I usually will reply to a woman if I'm interested or not. I haven't had a problem with telling a woman that I'm not interested but it goes both ways. If a woman is not interested in me or does not reply to my email, phone call, or text message then I simply stop wasting my time and move on to someone else. However I have found that some women often seek attention by trying to vent or rave to you to solicit a response to them. Then there are times to when a woman may not be interested in pursuing a relationship with me but just wants to make a new friend. Sometimes it is just pointless to press the issue and try to persuade someone to take an interest in you when you can easily spend your time and energy with someone who is interested in you. Some people don't take rejection easy and they may try to lay a guilt trip on you for rejecting them and some take it as a personal stab to their character.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 66 (view)

This seems to be an on-line version of a bar. Posted: 10/26/2009 3:47:20 PM
I would have to agree with red relaxed because it might look like a bar it is just that the scenic settings are different. Meeting people online is not like meeting a person in real life or meeting a person in a bar. In a bar you come face to face with that person and from first impression you can judge whether or not you like that person or want more from that person. I think social dating clubs and real life is often better than online dating because at least you have some true to life interaction and they are not sitting behind a computer screen IMS or Emailing you messages that could not be true of their real character and personality. Sometimes first impressions can be wrong if you are judging them by how they look or how they speak unless you know the person's friends or known them through their family.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

They're not here looking for sex... booohooo Posted: 10/26/2009 3:39:31 PM
I would have to agree with ruby darling on this one. I think it not only happens with the guys on this site but also the women here as well. Many women have mail settings that they are not looking for intimate encounters or sex but to me that means that they are not looking for casual sex or a one-night stand but maybe sex in a very serious committed relationship with one person. However if two people are really attracted to each other and there's definitely some chemistry then you know that consensual sex might happen. Yes, it can be at times inconsistent and hypocritical but we often live in a world to where people sometimes deviate from their standards when it comes to sex and oftentimes there is a physical attraction which may lead to more.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

saying to me ever dated a black man? Posted: 10/19/2009 1:26:42 PM
I would have to agree with melty1 statement that there is good and bad in every race. However when it comes to crime in the news it seems like the media often plays upon negative stereotypes of blacks being criminals or doing other bad things. There are a lot of white people who are into rap and it seems like the majority of people who buy or listen to rap are white people. Then there are a lot of blacks who listen to rock n roll or other types of music besides rap, so rap music is not just a black thing or can be limited to any one culture. I don't think rap music necessarily reflects the black culture it is the message of individuals and how they express themselves. I think any black man who asked the question to a non-black woman if they have ever dated outside of their race is simply wondering whether they did or are comfortable dating outside of their race. Interracial dating has its pros and cons but for me it has never been a problem of dating outside of my race although it may be for others.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

FunkyTown ~ 10/16/2009 and I was there Posted: 10/19/2009 12:51:29 PM
I went to Funkytown on 10-16-09 and I didn't really talk to many people there but I had fun dancing. I was wearing the hat you see in my profile photo only with jeans and a black shirt. I danced with Pattie and a girl by the name of Michelle who was from Nebraska. I guess I didn't socialize much and didn't ask very many women if they wanted to dance with me or not. I had fun though but it seemed like this was my first time out at this event so I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have my camera with me so I didn't take any pictures there. I met some people there and it seemed like a cool place to meet people and dance.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 92 (view)

Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar? Posted: 10/13/2009 4:11:33 PM
I used to date an Italian woman who was bi-polar and it seemed that at times she spent money and didn't know where it came from or was drinking heavily. Sometimes she blamed me for things that I had nothing to do with. I think with her and her drinking the relationship took its toll on me since I don't drink or smoke at all. So our relationship didn't last and she broke up with me and we both agreed on it. I could deal with a lady who is bi-polar since I used to date one but it depends on how extreme of a bi-polar case she is and whether she is taking her medication regularly. Sometimes people with bi-polar disorder can lead quite normal lives with the proper medication and other times they seem so normal that the mental illness is hidden and only surfaces on a rare instance. Normal people also go through mood swings at times and sometimes they can have a symptom of bi-polar but maybe they just control it better than someone who actually is bi-polar. As long as a person is not a danger to themselves or others than I can deal with bi-polar person whether it be male friend or potential girlfriend. The best thing to do is to recognize the early phases of bi-polar and provide some assistence and help.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Dating outside of one's race Posted: 10/8/2009 4:31:56 PM
I would have to agree with colt8301 on this one, I also think that the women respond to white males overwhelmingly is because on here there are a lot more white males than black males so also the ratio of white to black males. Since there are more white males on here who message females compared to black males then the choices of what to choose from favors more white males if there are more single and available white males on here. Whether it is a black woman who prefers to date a white male or a white woman who prefers black males or darker skinned men then I don't really care much as long as they enjoy each other's company. On other interracial dating websites to where there are women and men more willing to date outside of their race then you probably would get a better response and message rate then here on POF.com. If I message a woman and she doesn't respond or reads and deletes my message then I am not worried about it because if she did that then she probably wasn't interested in me as a person rather than what race I am. If two people love each other, enjoy each others culture and company then why should I care if they date outside of their race or not.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 839 (view)

Reporting And deleting Main images Posted: 9/25/2009 7:01:40 PM
I had followed the rules and my main picture was deleted. I have been a member here since 03-03-08 and why wasn't it deleted a long time if it didn't follow the rules? I had a picture of my face with a hat on in a suit and it was taken at a portrait studio. The main picture clearly showed my head and the rest of my body in a suit jacket and dress pants. So I will upload another picture but where did I violate these guidelines? That is what I want to know even though I will upload another picture at a later date.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 99 (view)

Is it worse to get rejected for your looks or your personality? Posted: 9/25/2009 12:16:39 AM
I believe that getting rejected for my personality would be worse than looks but then again if you get rejected then you just move on to the next person. personalities can change because you may not be the same person you where several years later. If they don't accept the way you look or your personality then it may be just that the person themselves is looking for a someone with that certain look or personality image that is considered dateable. Or they be projecting a certain personality that is fake but when you don't reject them and find out more then you find out how they really are.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 427 (view)

do you look like your pictures? Posted: 9/24/2009 11:29:24 PM
Mine was on here for a while and then yesterday I found out my pics where deleted. I look better in person than in my online pictures. My main picture showed me in a suit and a hat on but it showed my face. You cannot always go by a photo on here though because some people look better in person than they do in their photo profiles. I will probably have to take some more pictures of myself and post them on my profile.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 91 (view)

I find this site disheartening.... Posted: 9/24/2009 4:31:05 PM
I haven't met much of anyone here on this site probably because I haven't sent a lot of emails to people. My photos on here where deleted today and they the followed the guidelines because they showed my head and face. My profile has been on here for at least a year. I will probably have to upload another photo. Anyway you probably should try one of those pay dating websites if your not satisfied with POF, sometimes you might find a better response from one of those sites. POF is a free dating website and you might try other options besides online dating. Go to a singles group or a singles event to where people get together in person. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

crazy things a partner has done on the Dance Floor Posted: 9/23/2009 8:44:22 AM
I think that if you where that uncomfortable with the man grinding against you then you should have just told him that you don't dance like that, or better yet you should have walked off the dance floor if you felt uncomfortable with him. I have had women I didn't know grind against me on the dance floor but I wasn't interested in dancing with them because their boyfriends where there and plus they told me that their boyfriends don't like to dance. I happen to know their boyfriends and where friends with them. They didn't tell me this until after I started dancing with them but since I felt uncomfortable with them trying to grind against me I just walked off the dance floor and I told them that I wasn't interested. Since I don't drink that much at all and the women had more than a few drinks then I noticed that they where halfway sober. It is never fun dancing with a halway sober or drunk female I prefer if they are sober then they are in their right mind period. I think that you should have fun when you are dancing but be sure to set boundaries with dancing with someone you don't know well. Most women will grind against a man if they are interested in dancing this way or if they are a man's wife or girlfriend, still others like to do this in order to tease the man. I always set boundaries when I'm dancing with any woman I dont know well and I just dance the way the women likes to dance or move together to the beat of the music.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

How do I get myself, to give myself, permission to let this go...? Posted: 9/22/2009 7:13:09 PM
It seems like you have put yourself into a situation to where you allowed these things to happen instead of staying strong on your convictions to leave him. I don't understand why do women keep going back to boyfriends who lie, cheat, and do other things to them but will pass up the opportunity to be with someone who treats them right. Many women have fallen into this trap of not leaving a bad relationship with a man because they need to think that the man will change his ways and start a positive pattern in the relationship. As for as the mental illness in a way a woman has to understand the other person coming out of this man and with medication it can be manageable and under control. It is hard to let go because you still love this man but it seems like when his other personality starts to surface then you cannot deal with it or put up with it. My advice to you may hurt, but if I was a woman in your situation then I would stand by my original decision to leave the relationship and find someone else. If you don't leave then you may find yourself in a miserable state and unhappy through many arguments.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

9/12/09 Denim & Diamonds - Country Music Dance Club or other dance clubs North of the River Posted: 8/21/2009 2:57:35 PM
I have been to D&D before and last I heard that the owner Dennis died not too long ago. What above the other clubs located North of the River that are by D&D? Bar Twelve? I have been there to Bar Twelve and the type of music they play is usually rock n roll on Fridays with a mixture of everything in between on Saturdays. I also think that River Aces is also a good club to go to if you like a mix of every style of music. They play everything from rock n roll, R&B, Top 40 Dance songs, hip-hop, and country music as well. I think that with D &D I don't have a cowboy hat, belt-buckle with a steer on it, nor do I have any cowboy boots so I probably wouldn't fit in too well with the D&D crowd. I like a little bit of every type of music so when I do go North of the River I usually will go to River Aces. The crowd is very diverse at the River Aces probably because you will find that the DJ there tries to cater to everyone who goes in there.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 76 (view)

Must have car and job=gold digger? Posted: 7/24/2009 5:49:35 PM
I think you are right in some ways. On the other side of the coin there are many people with houses, cars, and lots of material things and they are going broke or are broke after paying on all the necessities. We live in society to where spending is endorsed over saving money. And sometimes the material wants can carry over into a relationship or possible mate. It is like that when you have all of those credit cards it gives you a sense of buying power but it is really like racking up the federal deficit and going into more debt. You are right in that material objects or anything related to that matter shouldn't be used as compensation. I never got the mentality that a woman used me to buy her coffee or dinner. If anything I offered to buy her coffee or pay for her dinner so it was my choice to do so. I think golddiggers should not be blamed on the women all the time but men are just as guilty. Money is like water or food without it you cannot survive because you have to have money to have a roof over your head, pay the bills, and eat. If a person feels that they have nothing to offer anyone then they should not be dating at all in the first place.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

having fun with scam come-ons Posted: 6/24/2009 4:40:37 PM
I also have fun with the scammers, usually I get the emails telling me that I have won millions of dollars from the lottery and all I have to do is to send them some money. Sometimes I will play along with it like telling them,"Wow, I really won the lottery!" Then if they ask for my contact information then I will tell them to send me their information. Most of the time they will tell you to send a couple of hundred dollars for a security keeping fee or that it is insurance for mailing the package overseas. What scares them away is when I tell them that I contacted the Fed Ex and I couldn't verify that these fees are valid. So when I receive an email back from them they usually start to ask me for the name of the Fed Ex courier and etc. Most of the time I dont hear any thing back from the scammers after that. If had really won the lottery then I wouldn't have to send them any money to claim my prize amount that I had won period! Most of the time the best thing to do with those scammers who send emails like that is just to delete them and don't bother replying back to them!

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 497 (view)

The 3 Day Rule Posted: 4/26/2009 5:20:18 PM
I think the three day rule does not apply at all. If I am interested in meeting for a second date then I will ask them to call them the next day to set up a date, time, and place for a second date. If nothing had clicked on the first date then generally I would not waste my time with a second date. Usually if a man plays the waiting game for three days most women will assume that he is not interested in meeting for a second date or that something went wrong with the first date or that there is simply no connection between them.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 164 (view)

Lying in profiles and men with delusions of themselves Posted: 4/26/2009 4:36:38 PM
It probably was just one of those bad dates you had. And maybe the photos of him where not recent photos, they where probably old photos or pictures of someone else. You don't need someone like that who lies in their profiles because if they did this when it comes time to get into a serious relationship with them they will probably lie in the relationship as well. However it can go both ways, women can lie also and be delusional in their profiles. You can't get to know a person just by reading their profile only, you have to meet them in person after chatting a while, listen to how their voice sounds when they talk, and pick up on the non-verbal and verbal cues they give you.

staceybrewer

Joined: 3/3/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

blocking Posted: 4/26/2009 4:21:59 PM
I have never blocked anyone on here as of yet, nor have I ever been blocked. Usually if I'm not interested in meeting that woman on here I will just do one of the following things. 1. I won't reply to her messages. 2. Tell her that I'm not interested 3. If she presses the issue of going out with me after I have told her that I'm not interested then I will block her. 4. Disrespectful,hateful, or annoying messages that need to be blocked. Sometimes you can block a person and they come on here and create another profile and they try to send you a message again. However I have never had that happen to me at all. I think that if I simply don't reply or send them a message that I'm not interested at all then there is no need to block them unless they continue to irritate me, annoy me, or do other things.

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