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Thread: When my man won't give up his women friends......

Joined: 3/6/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

When my man won't give up his women friends...... Posted: 4/8/2009 6:16:58 PM
OP. My best friend and I grew up together but we lost contact for almost 30 years then he found me on a reunion site and got in contact with me about 4 years ago. We've been writing, calling and seeing each other on occasion ever since. He's married, I'm not. There is nothing between us but a friendship, and that's all either of us wants. I've had men in my life who refused to accept that, and a couple of them even threatened to tell his wife we were meeting each other. We always meet in public, we're never alone and his wife knows all about the friendship, our history, the meetings, emails and phone calls. I have also met her and their children, and none of them have a problem with it. The men who objected to our friendship are no longer in my life because of their insecurities, irrational behavior and threats. My friend has offered to bow out completely if it interferes with any relationship I might have with another man and I told him that if at any point his wife wants me out of his life, I'm gone. So far, it hasn't come to that. As far as I'm concerned, the only person who has the right to say anything about our friendship is his wife. If at some point I get married, I would hope that he would be as trusting in me and as understanding about the friendship as she is. It takes a strong person to be secure in a situation like that. But that kind of trust develops over a period of years, not months. The thing that bothers me about your situation is his double standard and the resulting violent behavior and accusations. If it's okay for him to have female friends, it should also be okay for you to have male friends. You may never understand the friendship they have but if you continue to push the issue, you'll be pushing him to end things with you. I would drop it and never mention it again, especially since it looks like it's causing problems with your relationship. Don't hide your friendships, that could only cause more problems. Just tell him that if at any point he wants to meet your friends, you will be happy to introduce them. But by all means, don't give him an ultimatum! It can only cause you more heart ache. I wish you all the best.

Joined: 3/6/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Spending Time in Nature with Someone Special: Any ideas? Posted: 4/6/2009 1:37:29 PM
Gee that's a toughie....How about fishing! I can't believe no one suggested it yet. I love doing it, but some women find it "icky" the wimps. lol You could also take in a car show, although the garden show mentioned earlier, walking through the woods and camping were also great suggestions. If all else fails, you could ask her what types of outdoor activities she likes. The most important thing is to go and enjoy each other's company. Good luck, and have fun!

Joined: 3/6/2008

Msg: 311 (view)

WHY do men just disappear?? Posted: 4/6/2009 1:27:08 PM
Petebradd, I'm glad you joined in! Personally I was getting tired of trying to dodge all the tear soaked Kleenex! Now I'll speak to all you women who are ragging on guys for doing the same thing that some of us have done repeadedly. Not me, of course, I'm perfect... Seriously, there might be a very good reason he isn't calling or emailing anymore. Maybe he lost his computer and cell phone in a devistating fire or flood. Maybe he realized you weren't right for him. Maybe it's the distance between you, in this economy, that's a very real possibility. Maybe he's really married and his wife found out he was cruising for other women. Maybe to him your voice is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. Maybe he realized how clingy you are! There are no guarantees in life. No one has promised to be your BFF. So what? Enjoy the people who are into you and don't worry about the rest! If they decided that they weren't right for you, maybe it's the best thing that could have happened to you. At least you found out before you had a chance to fall for the guy. I know you think you would much rather know the truth, but think about it for a minute. If a guy did tell you that he doesn't date women who look like you, act like you or talk like you, would you believe him? We all know how precious we are, but even with that, some guys just aren't attracted to us, and that's ok! Move on and find someone who can love you for the perky little ball of sunshine you really are.

Joined: 3/6/2008

Msg: 238 (view)

Online Dating Guide for Men: Part Deux Posted: 4/6/2009 11:30:37 AM
I love your profile and the work you did on the tips! And yes, I read every word of all of them! I recently cancelled a subscription to one popular dating site because I kept getting marriage proposals. I also received a few emails from people telling me they loved my smile. The picture I have posted was taken when I was annoyed. I wasn't smiling! What the hell are these guys thinking anyway? Do they not know that we can tell when they're full of shit? Oh well... I once had a guy who substituted his words with these annoying little critters to the left of me. (smileys) It took me way too long to figure out what the hell he was trying to say. I finally wrote him back and told him that didn't learn smiley in high school or college and asked if he knew where I could sign up for a course so I could read his ****ing email. I think he might have been a little offended, I never heard from him again. I am sad to say that I'm guilty of some of the things you've pointed out on the women's guide. As a result of your advice, I'm reworking it in word format. I will copy and paste it into the profile soon. Thank you for the advice and the sense of humor! After all of the insanity we put up with on these sites, it sure is refreshing to read something real.

Joined: 3/6/2008

Msg: 53 (view)

Friend zone Posted: 2/24/2009 6:00:04 AM
Let's say you're dating someone and it doesn't work out from a romantic standpoint but you enjoy each other's company. Do you then become friends, do you keep her around for sex only or do you drop her completely? I think the ground rules should be understood before a couple has sex. If you want to build a lasting relationship, sex needs to be on the back burner until you get to know each other. Sex "just because you can" just seems a little shallow to me. If you haven't taken the time to get to know each other, those feelings will never develop. That's why I would much rather do the friend first thing. I need to see if we're compatible before I commit. Trust me, it could save a lot of drama in the long run. And just because you want to be a friend, it doesn't mean that you're not willing to give a relationship a chance to develop. It all depends on the maturity of the people involved and the decision they come to together. Women aren't the only ones who say they want to be friends first, I've seen plenty of men who say the same thing. I went out with one guy who was offended when I refused his sexual advances on the first date. When I pointed out what his profile said ("I believe in letting a friendship grow. Love is like a flower, it needs to bloom.") he asked if I'd ever heard of friends with benefits. Of course I had to point out the fact that he could grow a rose garden the size of 4 football fields with the BS he was spreading. But! That has nothing to do with the original question. If the OP is tired of being the sounding board, he has to have a heart to heart with his female friends. Tell the one(s) he's interested in that he would like to take it to the next level. It is possible that she will respond favorably. If she doesn't, he needs to tell her that Dear Abby has left the building.

Joined: 3/6/2008

Msg: 237 (view)

Simple things you remember about someone special - past or present Posted: 2/24/2009 4:58:55 AM
I went to pick up a friend who had too much to drink one night. I noticed the man, whose lap she was sitting on because he stared at me from the time I located my friend until I reached them. After a few minutes of refusing to give him my number he introduced himself, "Hi my name is Glenn, what's yours?" My reply, "None of your damn business." Him, "Well, none of your damn business, you may not believe this, but someday I'm going to marry you." Me, "Right, and hell will freeze over." My friend gave him my work number and he called me the next day. We started dating after about a month and eventually moved in together. Before I knew it, 10 years had passed. And every day, he would play Too Busy Being In Love by Doug Stone, get down on one knee and ask him to marry him. Finally I said, "Ok, lets go get married!" It was more out of desperation than anything, I was tired of that song! Don't get me wrong, I loved him and knew I would spend the rest of my life with him, but I didn't think a piece of paper was needed to prove it. So, we were married in June of 2004. As soon as the judge pronounced us man and wife he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Look outside baby, hell just froze over!" In March of 2005 my husband had a massive heart attack and died. I have so many memories of him but I think the best ones are the day we met and the day we were married. I'm so thankful that he didn't give up on me.

Joined: 3/6/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Ladies, how do you let your partner know you're in the mood? Posted: 3/12/2008 9:27:26 PM
If we're in public, say like a restaurant, I touch his leg right above the knee and smile. In private it's the reaction I give him when he kisses me. I giggle when I get nervous so if he kisses me on the neck and I giggle, he pretty much knows. I wish it wasn't that obvious.

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