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 Author Thread: What do y'all think about this scenario?
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
What do y'all think about this scenario?
Posted: 11/24/2009 9:22:41 AM

but he had told me that he cant stand sitting in front of a computer...it drives him nuts to email back and forth...
But if this is how "avoidance dude" felt.. wouldn't he have at least said to OP .. "I can't stand sitting in front of a computer. Lets talk on the phone or, "we should meet it's much easier to let you know about me over a coffee" something like that??? I mean if he was actually interested in her wanting to know about him that is .. ???
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Msg: 15 (view)
 
What do y'all think about this scenario?
Posted: 11/24/2009 8:03:10 AM

If a person really wanted to get to know you they'd be offering up things about themselves so that you would feel at ease with them... He sounds like some sort of on line gamer... JMHO
Yea. and if he was offering up things about himself.. she'd probably just find him boring as sh*t. By doing what he's doing, he's got her so intrigued that she had to start a thread about it.

I agree with "squiggly lady".. You're not a naive newbie ..

Your gut should have told you that you need to block the dude , but tell him to f.o. in reply to his last email to you before ya do... He's here to play, if that's all you want too then carry on.
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Msg: 104 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 6:04:57 PM
^^^ Ahhh .. a good sport is priceless..

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Msg: 36 (view)
 
Finding relief in reading the forums.
Posted: 11/23/2009 5:51:11 PM

Did you notice the fancy quote box.

Jealous?
Yes, I am! How do you do the quote within a quote thingy?
..................... ..................... ....................... ...................... ............... .. ..
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 5:16:43 PM

vvvvv Only if we don't use our hands to wash the dishes with. But then again, that would only be for drying.
and here I thought they were only good for making tea.. :0)

*Apolgizes to Margo*
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Msg: 98 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 5:12:07 PM

make DBB feel his balls are valued. ...I mean...he's forever cleaning and washing....you know what that does to men after awhile....
No? Do their ballzzzz get all pruney like our fingers do when we wash the dishes?? Inquiring minds want to know (or is that need?)

................... ............................. ..................................... ....................... ..
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Msg: 33 (view)
 
Finding relief in reading the forums.
Posted: 11/23/2009 5:04:22 PM

By the way - what's everybody yelling at Son of a Beach about?
WoW! 10 points for the fine are of subtle posting..

The posts in here represent those in the "real world." Fortunately, in the real world.. we're spread out more, so the dose is less toxic.

I'm recuperating from surgery and have a bit of a rough road a head of me.. The forums are a great resource to take my mind off what's happening in MY real world right now.. There's so many witty people on here.. I've made some awesome friends in the pandamonium too .. hugzzzz to you all ..
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Msg: 53 (view)
 
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:27:21 PM

I don't believe you're an idiot ,
There must have been something that kept you together for 10 years.


I've told my family and friends about how quickly he went back to his girlfriend, and if I take him back I will look like an idiot.

Screw what your "Family and Friends think , how about your children ?
I take a look around , and i see more "Damaged" and looking , at our age group, then kids in their 20's and 30's.
Just something to contemplate.
They are single for a REASON !
If you do decide to give him another chance , I wouldn't rush it.
(Let him stew in his own juices for a while , sometimes , you don't know what you had until it's gone .)
JMO
Just mine Too ..


Never say never, You said you want to try
you said he wants to try,
So , get you shit together and try !
Don't sit here listening to people who are projecting Their Failures
You could just watch daytime TV , for that !
Couldn't agree more

Op: Git the hell out of this thread.. don't listen anymore.. Just do it ~ Counceling is a good idea to help you repair any hidden cracks. Good luck and best wishes.
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:07:12 PM

Cinsav,(see message 83) I am with you on this one......I think she went out and did it and is now trying to clear her conscience and cover her tracks.

"We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds"
.. Suspicious Minds ~ Courtesy of Elvis Presley
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Msg: 79 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:01:29 PM
^^^^
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Msg: 73 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:15:14 PM

Okay........what about her personal ethics and values as well???????

I repeat: "It.was.A.hypothetical.question"

.. IMO; Her personal or her professional values shouldn't be questioned or judged simply because she posed a hypothetical question. Geeesh!
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Msg: 70 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:06:34 PM

It makes me wonder what type of business morals, values, and eithics she REALLY DOES possess. - Especially if she is asking you these types of questions.
What make me wonder is why her posing a hypothetical question would make you wonder about her business morals, values and ethics? It.was.A.hypothetical.question .. folks! .. ..
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Msg: 60 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 12:34:08 PM

Would you feel diffently if your SO was hot and in her upper 40's and had a 27 year old famous professional athlete that did have millions and a business deal you knew of was potentially in jeapordy..... and your SO asked you this question?
I learned a long time ago that wasting energy on such nonsense is unproductive. I'm not an overly possessive person since I was like 21. If they want you in their life forever.. So it shall be..(until something happens to screw it up.. why even think about it?) . And yes.. I'd let him exchange a one night stand for a million bucks. I would put a stipulation in there though that if he took the one night stand further and eventually left me for her .. I'd get to keep every fvcking cent of it.


Most rich/famous people can get a hooker for a lot less than 1 million dollars and probably better in bed.
Uhm.. Most rich/famous people don't HAVE TO pay for it.. there are enough groupies out there that are willing to do it for free. We're living in a 21st century version of Sodom and Gamorrah afterall.


Like I said - I'd bet my hard earned money she's already done it. If not, she's about to.

This is why you don't date "professional career women" with clients. Bang 'em and dump 'em - but never stay with them.
And, why would you seriously consider the opinion of a man of such little confidence and had such a predjudious and paranoid thought process about women. (???)
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Msg: 29 (view)
 
Would you cheat on SO for alot of money?
Posted: 11/23/2009 9:12:50 AM

I agree that it's only cheating if she doesn't tell me. However, this whole scenario is too close to home because of her profession. It makes me a little unsure of her, why she would ask that question, being so close to reality?
Ohh, for goodness sake.. Why are you so paranoid and possessorary? It was a hypothetical question she posed to you to see what your thoughts on the matter were. If you read too much into it you'll never be able to trust her again and then your relationship will surely tank ~ whether infidelity is involved or not. BTW: If you both agree to it then it's not cheating so imo the question should read: "Would your ego allow you to agree to" ... etc.

I agree, this concerns me also. I question a women that would ever bring up this idea... I don't like it... it sounds gamey to me... and women deeply in love often don't play games
.. And .. Listening to (IMO) B/S like what's in the above quote will only make you even more paranoid ..

*Playing devil's advocate here*
Here's a hypothetical question for you.. I've heard it over and over in these forums that principals should NEVER be compromised..
If you or her were battling a life threatening desease that took a million to cure.. would you agree that she could do it then??? Or; Would your principals take a back seat? Are your principals and ego so important that they'd take presidence over your or your partners life and well being? Afterall; One's principals should never be compromised.. or so "they" say ..

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Msg: 9 (view)
 
ejaculation headaches
Posted: 11/23/2009 8:10:49 AM
http://www.drdaveanddee.com/headache.html
It seems blood vessel restriction is the culprit .. also known as "benign coital headaches"

Op: Google is your friend.

There is lots of info on the subject .. the above link is just one of many. .. ..
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Msg: 23 (view)
 
Man asks woman to go to his home after dinner on first date
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:32:02 PM

They will all be the same in this one.. minus the critique due to the negative impression you put forth the first time.

Don't waste the man's time by dating him again. He deserves to meet someone who doesn't berate him on a public forum or doesn't make rash, undeserving judgments about his morals and sexual proclivities. In other words, HE is too good for YOU.
Crap! I hate it when I'm wrong .. lmao ..
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Msg: 61 (view)
 
yes!
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:27:56 PM
Well.. I clicked on the link "VIEW USERS SIMILAR TO STARBUCKGIRL." and, fortunately there were none. .. ..

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Msg: 21 (view)
 
Man asks woman to go to his home after dinner on first date
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:09:25 PM
Op: Your tone is much less paranoid and aggressive (and prudish sounding) in this, your second post on the subject.. .
There are two reasons why he asked you back.. both mean he was enjoying your company:
1. He was hoping to get laid
2. He was enjoying your company and wanted to hang out longer and his place was close by.
If you got the impression that his morals don't match your own and his invitation went against your sensibilities .. then don't go out with him again. Simple!

I don't understand why you weren't satisfied with the answers you got in your other thread before it got deleted.. They will all be the same in this one.. minus the critique due to the negative impression you put forth the first time.
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Msg: 12 (view)
 
Going alione
Posted: 11/22/2009 8:38:59 PM

You won't find a guy this way,
"Patron" could be a Carmen or a Figaro.. No? Kindred Spirits come with or without dangly bits. .. ..

.. networking ..

'sides.. there's a good chance there'll be a metrosexual hanging around in there somewhere
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Msg: 55 (view)
 
PLEASE HELP!!!!
Posted: 11/22/2009 6:41:54 PM

so i would get mad and tell him i never want to see or talk to him again, he would cry and call me and tell me he loves me and to please just talk to him he would even come knocking on my door and i would just tell him to go away out of anger. he would still continue to call me crying and i would still not talk to him for days sometimes weeks.
Well, this proves that some men really do love B1TCHES.

Op: To add to the chorus.. you need to grow up.. you're manipulative and your cruel.. He's co-dependent and can't function outside the comfort of a woman's (any woman's) bosom.
In your next relationship, try conflict resolution through compromise and open communication. Shutting someone out, accomplishes zero.

I'm thinking You'd enjoy one-on-one therapy where it's ALL ABOUT YOU for an hour every week.
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Msg: 3 (view)
 
Fanning the Flames....
Posted: 11/22/2009 5:53:30 PM
What? I Like when I get to the "I"zzzzzzzzzzzzz rolling back in my head level..

Is that wrong of me?
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Msg: 8 (view)
 
Going alione
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:14:18 AM

to me it does not look strange till yesterday when someone told me that it looks wierd for a woman to be by herself at theatre and opera
thought??/
I think I would have said: "You thinking it looks weird is not my issue.. It's yours."

Have fun and up-their's and their antiquated thinking.

Ask the ticket master to sell you a ticket beside a patron that has already purchased a single seat.. maybe you'll discover yourself a kindred spirit that you can share another opera night with .. ..
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Msg: 22 (view)
 
Interpret a text message
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:02:16 AM

I didnt just read this did I
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >
Go ask google if you just read it.

.. ..You're too much .. ..

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Msg: 107 (view)
 
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:28:05 PM

but I wouldn't keep responding directly to each person and their critiques, thats what they want is to antagonize you, and you're falling for it.
au contrare mon ami.. It appears he is the one who is antagonizing and he is thoroughly enjoying the reactions he's inciting.


As is the wont of feminists, Canadian, American--dun't matter!--your female-ness demands that you make assumptions. Of COURSE the sistah was not in the wrong...so it hasta be the guy!
Well, Sport.. I dunno about You, but I'm not saying anyone was in the wrong in your little dating fiasco .. First meets often don't pan-out. It seems to be you that's making this a gender issue. Was you're mother mean to you when you were a little boy?

You're not to be believed, Sport.
You're credibility declines with every post..

I would be rather embarassed right now if I was one of the posters (or private emailers) who defended you or believed your nonsense.

.. As I said before, here's to a better next date .. ..

...
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Msg: 38 (view)
 
Realizing ALOT!
Posted: 11/21/2009 1:59:48 PM

what are key factors in dating that you feel you HAVE to follow to prevent further injury?
My first suggestion is you STOP doing this:
take someone showing interest in me and I TOTALLY run with it. Then I end up compromising myself and my beliefs, which always means I get hurt in the end.
Figure out why you're here.. What is your ultimate goal. Once you are certain, you can then set boundaries that you won't allow your date to cross and, most importatly YOU won't cross or compromise yourself. If he has complex interest in you, he'll respect you and want to get to know you on a more intimate level. By intimate level, I do not mean sexually intimate.

If you keep crossing your own boundaries and caving due to simple interest you will keep getting the same result you've always gotten. Be confident, and if you're looking for a true blue, reciprocal, loving relationship.. Please don't use internet dating sites as your main means to connect.

Good luck and happy fishing, Op..
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Msg: 99 (view)
 
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/21/2009 11:30:42 AM
Well, this OVER-dramatization
The poster who supposes that this woman did a Marlena Dietrich, leaning over, and whispering "you are a veddy, veddy handsome man...and you smell gut!"
of this post:
According to you she did give you signals. YOU said she said you were very handsome and you smelled good.
Certainly confirms my comprehension of the Opost..

I'm now completely convinced that our esteemed Oposter was rejected because his date realized that there wasn't a mutual attraction and simply acknowledged that fact in her "Thanks for the date, but this aint gonna work" email. She, in no way suggested that he "should have taken her right there in the bushes" *rolls eyes* and, by you telling it that way.. you unfairly had several people convinced that this poor woman was some kind of nympho.

I respectfully suggest Op apply for a job as a writer with our Canadian channel CBC.. They seem to thrive on sub-par story telling and he'd fit in quite nicely.

Better luck on your next date, Sport.
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Msg: 13 (view)
 
cant love or trust and feel like am losing my girl and myself
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:47:07 PM
This "non-"professional" advice
If you really want to stay in the relationship you need to get counseling, you could probably use couples counseling as well. From a logical standpoint, you would probably be better off leaving the relationship but you are the only one that can make that decision.
Sounds sooo much more professional than the following "professional" advice?

Let me give you some professional advice, at 20 you are way to young to be worry about things like this. You will have enough challenges in life. At this time, enjoy your life while you can. It does get far tougher as you age.


Op:... Get some counseling for your jealousy issues regardless if you stay with this girl or not because they will keep resurfacing in every relationship you're in.

Good luck.
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Msg: 72 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 4:11:11 PM

And what pressure is that? If you want a big, fat loser, you have to be hot? Shouldn't that take the pressure off of women? I guess it all depends on your perspective after all.
You forgot the rest of my post.. however;

Why not overweight Wilma and hot Fred?
Why not overweight Marge and Hot Homer?
Why not overweight Lois and Hot Family Guy Peter?

My guess: Is because it wouldn't sell.. Men wouldn't find it quite as funny or interesting to see a hot guy with a a bumbling, overweight female. Females afterall are pressured through media etc.. to maintain our girly figures, men expect it.. Seems far more woman are more willing to overlook a man's weight whereas many men would never.

The only obese woman I know that took on the role of the show's star was Rosanne Barr and, her husband was not a thin Hotty.. he, in fact was even bigger than her.
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Msg: 445 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:47:33 PM
church: thank you for your candor.. I've always appreciated that about you.. even if I often find your hypocrisy (often times) infuriating.

I think it's a good thing that your fear of std's came along when it did, or you most likely would have missed out on the wonderful relationship you now have.


Women are for the most part, woefully naive about men.... They're often far too trusting and far too willing to believe....
Yes.. and I'm saddened that both men and women are no longer able to enjoy the freedom that trusting someone to be who they say they are can incite. I often wonder how lying to someone to get what you want can be such an ego boost when disclosing the truth about who you are and someone still want you inspite of it should be so much more rewarding.

The more innocent among us, those who never partook in your lifestyle, well we (or at least I) can differentiate between promiscuous pick up sex and first date sex.


they were the easiest to deal with.... Esentially, they think they're the Fox, but they're really the Rabbit.... they just don't know it...
I believe that one can only be played if they perceive themselves as having been so. It's all in how you look at it, really.. Sometimes the rabbit knows he she/he is the rabbit however; they just let the fox be who he/she is most comfortable being. Expecting that a relationship should form simply from having first date sex is where most people get into trouble.
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Msg: 42 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:12:29 PM

If ANYTHING it means that these women are confident enough in themselves NOT to feel the need to ONLY be with someone as handsome or "pretty" as they are.
I agree.. but you've missed my point. Most men would not tolerate an overweight, bumbling, un-selfsuffient woman and therefore female self-esteem is bruised because of it. Dove is trying to tell us that we should be happy to look like Fred, Homer and Family Guy and be happy about it.. but society (and most men)makes that difficult to do.


just find it odd that you think that just because the guys are not models or handsome that it indicates that the woman have self esteem issues. WTF.
I didn't say that 'I' think that way.. I said "many (most)" think that way. In fact.. many would simply label their partnership as being co-dependent. They can't imagine such a dynamic as being love.

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Msg: 41 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:06:20 PM

coming up to Canada
Are you sure you'd get past the boarder patrol? You can't pass if you have a criminal record you know.. And, as far as I'm concerned it was a real crime you having to pay all that money for "der slickmeisters" (clinton) proclivities.
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Msg: 38 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:51:00 AM

Well, true, but in those cases the husband is a bumbling fool while the wife is the strong one keeping the family together and fixing all of her husbands stupid mistakes.
I suppose it depends on your point of view.
I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here.. However; IMO You just re-enforce my point.

Most people (particularily other women) would look at those types of woman as having HUGE self-esteem issues for loving an overweight, bumbling, un-selfsufficient man. I can here the many fora women now: *Listens* "Throw him to the curb.. where's your self esteem, why are you being his doormat?"


Wilma ?? (Shudder) ... Now betty ..... Grrrowwl
Now, that you mention it, I can see your attraction.. she does somewhat look like Monica Lewinski (but thinner)
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Msg: 442 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:17:03 AM
Church: I'm happy you're happy with who you are with.. you have previously disclosed some of the dynamics of your g/f's prior lifestyle. Using your criteria.. many (most?) would rule her out strictly based on that previous lifestyle ..

Tell me.. If you had, had first date sex with her.. would you hold her in lesser esteem? Would you have only allowed yourself to perceive her as a support system for a vaj, even while knowing how wonderful she is and how compatible you both were.
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Msg: 31 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:58:05 AM
Fred Flinstone (overweight) Wilma - A hotty
Homer Simpson (overweight) Marge - A hotty
Family Guy (overweight) Lois - A hotty
The list goes on.. Not to mention the live sitcoms that portray the same couple dynamic..
Where's the 'entertainment' where the wife is overweight and the husband - A hotty??? There aren't any because it's too unbelievable that a handsome man would be with someone who's not society dictated perfect.

The pressure society and the media put on women is far greater than the reverse ..

Fewer men suffer from low self esteem issues because they are given less reason to doubt themselves. and so, the issue of men's low self esteem is addressed less frequently ..
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Msg: 108 (view)
 
honest answer...
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:11:43 AM
Tareco: Not too many seem to grasp that the premise of your thread was not to ask a question about your own situation, but rather ~ to explain your relationship and then discuss whether or not anyone else agrees with nice, easy-peasy, no pressure relationships like the one you and your b/f are enjoying.

North American society seems most uncomfortable around easy no-pressure love styles.. Even though it's been proven that labeled relationships fair no better than the more easy-peasy type of romance. They're used to the possessorary, territorial and jealous type of love that church and society has pressured (brainwashed) it's citizens to believe the only one that is acceptable.

One never knows the future so just live one day at a time and enjoy each and everyone of them.
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Msg: 17 (view)
 
Oprah show ending - Arrogant to the end.
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:54:56 PM

I have never seen her do any evil but I also have never seen do any good when you factor in what she is worth.
Well that's not quite true.. She did donate 10 million to the hurricane katrina relief fund. That one charity off the top of my head.. she does quite a bit of philanthropy (sp?) I don't watch her show (or buy her mag. for that matter) but have to give credit where credit is due.
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Msg: 5 (view)
 
Male ED
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:20:45 PM
I blame it on Women's Lib...all those shrews have scared the turtle into it's shell permanently.
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Msg: 437 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2009 2:56:58 PM

Sorry, I disagree....
To me a first date or a pick up, is still someone you don't know
I certainly know someone better than a bar pick up that I've been playing baseball with for the last 4 weeks but I've never been on a date with; I certainly know someone better than a bar pickup someone who've I've been talking to, emailing, and questioning for several weeks with . I certainly know a guy i've been on the same volunteer duty with for the last 3 months but I've never been on a first date with than I would any bar pick up.. I certinaly know someone who I've interacted with, with mutual friends on several occassion, yet we're just going on a first date with.. hope you see where I'm going with this.


It had nothing to do with being virtuous...
It had more to do with remaining interested long enough to want to have a relationship with them...
Lets call a spade a spade.. It had nothing to do with remaining interested long enough to want a relationship or.. you would have not cared that they had first date sex with you. You used the early sex as an excuse to not be interested; in fact.. you knew the minute you started seducing her to have first date sex with you that the sex would automatically euchre a relationship. (Madonna/Whore) Face it.. you were only interested in variety and variety trumped a relationship for you at that particular time in your life.


It had more to do with other issues... I still get along with 2 of them that I see frequently (we have kids together).... and still get along well with all my Ex's when I do meet them....
Well, that's comendable.. and, I can say the same thing. However; I don't see what it has to do with having sex on the first date or not.
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Msg: 435 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2009 2:01:09 PM

Sorry, I only ever asked out a few women in my life... Then it would take a more traditional approach I suppose
Then perhaps you would be less nastily received if you would keep your oranges with your oranges and your apples in the apple bin.
Pick up sex (as far as I can see) is a completely different animal then Sex on the first DATE.

Well, I'd say probably it was about 2-3 months on average.... my current g/f we waited even longer....
Well then lets recap: According to you the only difference in length of time you remained together with some of the onese that you picked up and fvcked is the fact that you lived with the ones you waited 3 months to screw. These 'virtuous" 3 month'ers faired no better as long as the length of time you remained together as they're no longer in the picture either. You waited "longer" with your current girlfriend because you needed to to make sure she didn't catch HIV from her ex.. so it's not like you were any more virtuous in that situation than you were in any of the others.

Church.. I'm sorry I'm cherry picking your posts.. but the madonna/whore and judgement that you preach in here sometimes just becomes too much to bear and I was compelled to point out the hypocrisy. I don't judge you..(although I must admit it looks like I do) what you do or what you did is your life not mine to judge.. It would just be nice if you could allow the same courtesy to women in general.
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Msg: 429 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2009 1:05:37 PM

Actually for the most part I didn't ask them out. I never really had a problem meeting women.l.... So most of the time I'd just meet a girl and we'd end up in bed the same night.
I thought we were talking about first DATES.. not pickup sex??? Ya know, dates where you've had some time to interact whether on line, on the phone in person, through group activities, mutual friend introductions that type of thing ~ A DATE. . Where we've at least known or gotten to know each other somewhat more than the amount of drinks we've consumed together in the same establishment and taken home. Yuck !!! Edited : You probably paid for the drinks too.. Or, coloured candles anyway..

I actually did end up in a few long term relationships as well....
How long did you wait before you had sex?
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 426 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2009 12:14:13 PM

kinda like having "clinton" in charge of a girls school) ...
Yes.. where cigar use is not only encouraged it is appreciated and it kills no relationship potential.. .. .. Long live Bill and Hilliary !!



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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 423 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:56:05 AM
There are several reason's why in this day and age that first date sex shouldn't take place.. Appeasing the madonna/whore complex of some lame-0 should'nt have to be one of them.

I'll repeat what I wrote from another thread as it seems to apply here as well:

Most women, when the are attracted and there's a connection want to jump into bed right away.. those that are in tune with their sexuality anyway.. Some hold off in hopes of giving the guy a better impression of them.. (Madonna/Whore complex is [
alive and thriving) they feel it will give them a better chance at a relationship.
Some women don't wait (or pretend) because they have enough self-esteem and they realize that having sex won't guarantee them a relationship..however; they're smart enough to own their own actions, causes and effects and won't jump off the first bridge they come to if the guy doesn't marry her.

Secretly we all want to jump into bed right away with who we have a connection and chemistry with and who has a connection and chemistry with us.. Lets face it.. the type of connection/chemistry I'm talking about doesn't come around all too often which makes me virtuous by default.. One can be decerning and have first date sex.. Not all women who have first date sex will jump into bed with every first date they go on you know..
If we're not attracted/no connection.. then it's much easier to reject.
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:43:59 AM

"(S)he...never in any way overtly indicated she even wated so much as a peck on the cheek..."
and, you didn't indicate in any way that you wanted to give her a peck on the cheek.. so, she put an end to ever seeing someone who obviously didn't find her attractive because you also failed to give off any signals of being attracted.

Did she say in her post-date email to you actual words that leave no doubt in your mind that she dumped you because "you failed to take her right there in the bushes"

When you say things like "apparently I failed to do her." It was her birthday afterall" you are not relaying anything concrete, you are only projecting and, what looks like you trying to aussage your bruised ego.

You never did answer my earlier question: When she ended the date with "well I guess I should be going" ~ did you do anything to show you had interest, that you'd like another date with her?
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 420 (view)
 
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:22:41 AM
Puleeeeeze stop with the double standard, your freudian slip is showing once again..

I never told any of them it was because we had sex on the first date or so forth... It would always be that I'd dump them for another girl, or tell them it wasn't working out etc...
You were a PLAYA, Church.. You would have dumped them for another girl whether she fvcked you on the 1st or the 50th date.. It was who you were at the time..
.you sound like one of those former smokers who berate a current smoker like a nazi in the S.S.. for doing something you, yourself was once addicted to.
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 97 (view)
 
honest answer...
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:37:22 AM
And thank you wishes for supporting me
Yur welcome !

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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 96 (view)
 
honest answer...
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:33:27 AM

All too often one or the other is not honest;
1. One person was monogmaous the other wasn't

Same thing happens in promised monogamous marriages (as you clearly note here:
A couple are married and have women who are their FWB's(that think the guy is single and monogmaous too....) on the side....
BTW: Most women know when their partner is not being monogamous.. so, I would speculate that the wives of these men know and so do their FWB's. The women don't want to rock the status quo and so they carry on.

2... Developing feelings for the other person...
They were friends.. thier feelings for one another were already present.. I don't know about you, but I certainly love my friends.

Suddenly getting dumped because the other person met a new love
Well that could certainly happen to the wife(s) of your married male friends.. No?

Losing the 'friend' part too when the FWB ended....
I suppose when a long established marriage or courtship ends.. the friendship aspect of the partnership will end along with the longterm committment as well. In most cases friendship after a marital breakdown is only tolerated due to keeping the children as happy as possible in an already dismal situation.

Losing the frienship because the other person's new love doesn't want the former FWB around....
Same thing as above. How many ex wives or husbands are accepted with open arms by the new love interest??

People who only entered into a FWB because they hoped it would lead to a romance/relationship later....
People who married only because they didn't want to be alone, they wanted childred and he was handy? They had been living together it was expected, yet they were simply a habit to each other and any love they may have had was deeply hidden in the resentment they felt for each other but that was the next "progression" . etc ect.

People who didn't realise what thy were getting into...
Most all types of relationships end because people didn't know what they were getting into.

It would seem that all to often one or the other is not honest in the standard committed relationship either. This bears repeating to show the hyprocricy:
Most of my buddies are happily married and have been for years....A couple are married and have women who are their FWB's(that think the guy is single and monogmaous too....) on the side....
What makes being the wife in your friend's committed marrage (that his wife is expecting to be monogamous?) any more superior ??? Is it because they actually "committed" ????

The abundance of threads and posts from as yet healed people who have left marriages that should never have been is just as high as friends with benefits that have failed. Lets fact it.. Few people come to these threads to talk about how effing happy they are afterall.
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 89 (view)
 
honest answer...
Posted: 11/18/2009 10:55:52 PM

If it were seemingly that simple and the OP trusted him, it would be a natural progression toward something more substantial, seeing as some feel they're already dating anyway.
"A natural progression" for you and what you deem to be natural.. I Don't call someone a lier simply because what they and I deem to be "a natural progression" is different.

The MOST interesting and informative posts are those that recount personal experiences.
Yes.. agreed especially when the are actually giving advice to someone who is in need of advice and is asking for it because they are confused. Those imformative posters don't usually try to convince an otherwise contented oposter that she is lying to herself.

She already has. She's hidden her feelings from him.
She hasn't HIDDEN her feelings from him at all.. she simply hasn't voiced them. Her and his actions show the fondness they have for each other. Their devotion for one another is evident.. that's not hiding feelings that's confirming them through ACTION

Get it right, it's not about whether it lasts or not, that's not the point. It's whether you recognize the other person as your significant other. She's chosen what she feels is the safe option.
Yes.. and the way I read her posts is exactly how she wants it right now. You forget that she is the one who has chosen to not put pressure on the relationship and just enjoy it for what it is, while it is and during its lifespan. Her choice.. Why call it being afraid when she has nothing to be afraid of because she's being shown love and she is showing love.

Obviously you don't agree to the dynamic she is enjoying and your opinion of FWB 's is understandable, it's not something that works for YOU.. What's not understandable is that you refuse to believe she could possible be content and you have tried a couple of times to push your issue/beliefs onto her. Your beliefs and views are your's to own.. not Op's.
As I said earlier.. unless she comes back in and says she wants a ring, an engagement, a marriage proposal and is unhappy or actually admits that she wants more but is afraid to ask.. then I take her word that she's fine with things.. no need think otherwise, really.

Cheers and thanks for the exchange.
..
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
A Hypothetical Situation
Posted: 11/18/2009 6:39:12 PM

In spite of what others think, I can't believe that he isn't missing the good stuff.
Well.. whateva gets you through the day, Op.

happy and
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 84 (view)
 
honest answer...
Posted: 11/18/2009 6:19:06 PM
She is more than a simple Fvck buddy.. fvck buddies aren't there for you when you're ill.. they don't date you exclusively, they don't show loving actions.

Yes she is lying to herself about what she REALLY desires.
You saying she is, doesn't make it so.. From what's she's diviluged in her Opost and subsequent posts.. there is ziltch to indicate that she is unhappy or that she is lying to herself. For all intents and purposes, they are involved in society's ideal of what a relationship is except they have not put a label on it.
You appear to be projecting.. and you look for discontent where none exists.. which, IMO is quite typical of those who have regrets about their own past relationship choices.

Until Op actually comes in here and says that she's hiding or, until you sit down with her and psychoanalize her in depth and in on going sessions and it's actually revealed that she's unhappy and angst ridden.. I'll simply believe that's she's quite content and wish her continued happiness.

Peace.
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
2nd chance... yes or no
Posted: 11/18/2009 4:58:19 PM
Msg 23.. I must say, it's such a pleasure to see an response that doesn't insinuate that the Op is a fool or a doormat for considering a reconcilliation or, insinuate that every male's only reason for coming back is because he's a horny *rolls eyes* some bastige who should be kicked to the curb without further adeau or consideration ..

Further:

And we didn't give up
also quite refreshing and quite different from the normal response around here.. congratulations on not throwing in the towel and knowing when something is just in need of repair from that which is actually broken.
 
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