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 Author Thread: Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 819 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:26:45 PM
you guys know, i just realized from what quazi said, its they use another language all to gether. couple this with the different type of thinking, we end up with a real communication problem. i mysef this yr. have been learning new ways of thinking and looking at things. its was like walking right through the middle of a tornado. like i said before, i wouldnt change this experience for one minute.......
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 813 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:09:53 AM
gee quazi, you couldnt have used better words than"spin a situation". it was like parts of the day would go fast forward, then stop, then rewind. then erase. i never ever knew what was going on. her mind was always elseware. you are right, she really hates herself. i understand defense mecahnisims. they are intriguing things. its funny, when i realized what they were and how they worked, i began to use them myself, but in a healthy way. they really can help if not taken advantege of. we have to control them, they cant control us. quazi, i must admit, nothing impresses me more then people working on themselves. kudos to both of us. some say there is no cure for bpd, i for one dont believe this. anything is possible. feelings are very powerful things. we just have to use them for our own best interest. thanks again...........
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 810 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/11/2008 7:58:01 PM
thanks for the in put guys. as for her feeling guilty about her ex husbands death, she divorced him to be with me. do to the divorce he lost all health care. he was in poor health at the time of the divorce. they were married for 14 yrs, most of it in the on and off fashion. she claimed had she not divorced him he would have gotten the help he needed. i did believe her when she said this. our relationship turned for the worst after his death. she took it very hard but kept it all hidden deep. i have no anger towards her. if anything i just want her to know i understand. i now know the feelings of mood swings, the feelings of lonliness. when she left i felt all of those feelings all at once. till then i never had mood swings at all. i also for a brief time in the beginning lost contact with reality. the shock of it all was to much for me to handle. i guess it just sucks to have had all my patience wasted. now only to be hated. its been over a yr and i still got a mean look. i had a therapist for a short time last yr, and she said i was fine, just ptsd and i would recover. this was also my first time with depression. i am so much better now then last yr. i have been able to make peace with all my exes. i know this one will be different. i am almost to the point where i want to start dating again. you could be right about the anger being a defense mech. she always used them all. i wouldnt change this experience for the world. it wasnt the affair that hurt, it was the lies. her family tirned their backs on me to. once again they came rushing to her rescue. no doubt this scenerio has been played out many time with them as well. thank god i am out of that darkness of depression. i did break my promise of no contact with her if i saw her in public. i didnt realize i broke it till it was all over. i felt like i just had to stand up for myself. i had to say, "yes, i do exist". i felt like a burden was lifted off me that day. i always figured i would have a full blown anxiety attack. not even close. anyhow, thanks again. there are still a few questions i have to figure out about this experience. they have to do with the behavior durhing her dissociation. it was as if she almost had another personality come out. not sure who she was, but she scared the hell out of me. thanks again.............
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 806 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/10/2008 5:45:27 AM
it might be a combo of both. she said she felt trapped here and i felt she knew i was on to the manipulation thing. i had quit jumping hoops. she said she was guilty of her ex husbands death and the new guy reminded her of him. she said this before she left. she left so much stuff here i ended up putting it into storage and sending her the key. she knows i know of the illness, we discussed it before she left. i guess the love is temporary and the hate thing is permanante. she did admit to ruining ALL her realtionships. i think what i am going through now is just another part of the healing thing. its good to be off the rollercoaster though. she said eventually i would figure it all out. she was right. weird, just plain old weird, and sad, really sad.
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 804 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:16:39 PM
was hoping i could get some help here. i am just a little over 1 yr out of a 2 yr relationship with a female bpd. she was high functioning. the realtionship was filled with the usual moodswings. i had no idea of this illness till it exploded. she had a hugh life trauma and she came home one day and just up and left. met some guy, moved in with him and several months later was married. i think when she left she was dissociating and said she was going through another cycle. she said she was attracted to this guy because he was depressed. i later found out he has a history of violence. i got the worst slander campaign of my life. it was disgusting the horrible things she said. i have pretty much stayed home for the last yr in recovery. i didnt want to run into her in public. the look in her eyes the last time i saw her spelled murder towards me. i had done not a thing. there have been several unsuall things lately. a few months ago i think i saw her i my area. she lives half hr away. when she comes in contact with friends she is so sure to tell them how very happy she is. i feel she does this so it gets back to me. when she got married she sent my neighbor whom she hasnt contacted since she left a pic of her and the new hubby. that was a little close to home. last week i finally ran into her and the husband in a restaurant we frequented. mind you, she lives quite a ways from here. first i wanted to bolt, but then i said no, i walked up to her, not making eye contact, she turned her head immediately and looked away. and said hey back to me in an angry voice. ok, so whats up with the anger? part of me wants to leave her because she kinda gives me the creeps now. she admits to doing this leaving thing often in her life. i feel weird and dont know what to expect. i really wish she would just move away. also the psychotic thing really scared me. will this pass with her and the anger will leave? is this part of the cycle? i really dont want to live in a town with an emotionally unstable woman around who hates me. i am still recovering and want no set backs. this is all so confusing and scarey. andyhelp is greatly appreciated. thanks,!
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 359 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:56:39 AM
the one thing i realized was i new something was wrong, but i couldnt put a name to it. my friends would ask what was WRONG, but i couldnt descibe it, so i thought it was me. in my situation she told me everything right from the start. she hated heself, thought she was ugly, didnt get along with her family, had no friends at all and no desire to either. i should have bolted when i found out after she had moved in with me she still had ads on other dating sites and was still responding to them. god, was i dumb or something? charismatic, thats what had me blind. she had already been through 2 or 3 other people before she met me. this was only in a years time mind you. looking back on it now, she dumped me cold. she new i had no family or friends. she new i was real sick when she left. i hate to sound like the victim here, but i was the victim. she kept saying she was tired of going from one person to another, duh!!!! well then stop already! wanna hear somehting funny? there is a girl at work who started hitting on me. she came to my house for a min. or 2 after work. man, she jumped right into that strange personality. i told her to stop. she said why? i said i just got out of a relationship with someone with this type of attitude. her reply? "did she have a personality disorder to? creepy creepy creepy. now it seems when these folks get into realtionships it triggers the weird behaviour. the girl at my work now has a live in b/f. she has started getting weird. i moved to the other side of the work area last week. the other day one of her freinds there said "what the heck is wrong with you?" you are acting so stupid these days. man, after you live through this its so easy to spot unhealthy behaviour. good luck.
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 356 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:05:17 PM
i promise you this will pass. its still soon to feel completly better. yes, the wound is deep, and very deep at that.getting them out of our life is the easy part. now, to get them out of our heads, thats another story.she is still fresh in my mind every day. i think i saw her in my neighborhood last week. i hope it wasnt her. they are known for there relationships to crash soon. they really only last about a yr one doc told me. but it sems the majic number is four months. it seems they either get bored or they split. its usually with no notice. be happy your relationship was only 4 months. the more into the fog you get, the harder it is to get out. man, please watch out for that xanax. i was throwing them down my throat like candy. i had to switch over to weed for a while and it helped. i have never smoked weed on a daily basis, but i remember some friends telling me it helps with the anxiety. seroquel is the best med ever. the sleep i get is awesome, and man, what a relaxer. you will fall in love again. i promise. just go through this. there is no other choice. i just read a really cool book. zen path through depression. read this book if you can find it. it talks about the positive aspects of depression and how it can make us better people. our exes are on a road to distruction. lets not follow them. remember this my friend, they got there because something bad happened to them. something bad has happened to us. lets not go down the same path. please think of yourself as being lucky. you realtionship was fast. you will probably heal faster then i. keep being around friends. take the dating thing slow. your self esteem will come back. please man, keep up no contact. you remember the anxiety, well it can get worse then that. i understand the going places and the memories. i to am struggling with that. i am planning on leaving here soon as i feel a new change of scenery might help. well guy, take care. everything is gonna be ok!!!!!!!
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 354 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:54:33 PM
well guy, the most important thing i can tell you is to research and NO CONTACT. no. none at all. this is what i have learned about our state of mind at this early time in the crash of the realtionship. first of all, some very important chemicals in our heads are out of whack. i felt mine go out immediatley. i went to the doc the next day. since i had never felt my head do this before, i knew something was up. its called trauma. later this becomes ptsd. ptsd is no laughing matter. in the beginning i suffered from anxiety attacks, night sweats, deep depression, i lost 50 lbs in just a few months. my focus went out the window. i couldnt organize anyhting. and the biggie of them all............MOODSWINGS..yep. now these little guys are the devils themselves. all i can say is, dont make any decisions if you are depressed. do not act on any impulses. i had gotten some news as to something my ex had done during the cheating stages and i literally destroyed my house. obviousley my meds were taking time to adjust. anyow, please try to find a therapist who understands personality disorders. even better join a support group here online. they are ill because the brain chemicals arnt functioning well. for us in the beginning our brains are out of wack. i think they slowley go out of whack during the realtionship, but its suttle. the end sends us crashing big time. i would also reccommend to get rid of anything that might bring memories. mind you, i am a person who is freinds with all my exes. guys, this is DIFFERENT. dont go there. not even for a visit. good luck......
 femspirit
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 352 (view)
 
Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder)
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:22:35 AM
i feel its time i respond to this thread. i was indeed involved in a 2 yr relationship with a bpd female. how do i know she has bpd? she told me. how did she tell me? she recited bpd criteria. all 10. she just didnt know the name for it. it wasnt till everything crashed that i was able to figure it out. it was the typical relationship. met her on-line. she fell for me hard and fast. she mentioned marriage with in a month. i was shocked at her marriage statement. she said she was only kidding. she wasnt. the moodswing came hard and fast. this was my first time meeting someone like this so i didnt know what i was looking at or how to handle it. you want to talk sensative?! crap, nothing you say or do comes out the right way. i fell for her traps hook line and sinker.when ever she wanted a complement she would play me. how? things like, " i dont feel attractive in this outfit" my reply "you look beautiful" she loved to play the get me hot and bothered game. she would get me all worked up, then get up and do the dishes or something. or go do laundry. talk about confusion. my life became consumed with putting out her fires. she was cold and very distant. i would cry because she would hurt my feelings and she would just walk away. she said all she wanted to do was settle down. so i go and by us a new house. mind you there is a new car in this for her. it really is ALL ABOUT THEM. at the end i was catching on. one day she said "i love you" to me. i didnt reply. she said "arnt you gonna say it back" i said " i was just waiting to see what you were going to say. when i met this girl she was broke. had debt like i have never seen in my life. 2 words to describe her... IMPULSIVE and UNSTABLE. dont get me wrong guys, i have no hate for this girl. i will have her in my heart forever. its the illness thats bad. its aweful. when i learned about it, my heart was crying for her. to love someone who was suffering so deeply. it was like someone constantly throwing themselves into the fire. i was nothing but a security blanket. the relationship truly was going in one direction. she never, ever gave anything in return. when she was tired of me, she just ran out and had an affair. i was devistated when i found out. her reply to me when she confessed was 'i dont know why this is bothering you so much" needless to say, while i was down on the ground she began kicking. she told her family and friends i was mean to her, i was jealous, you name it. mind you guys, she is very beautiful, intelligant, and very much appears ti have her shit together. this is where we fall. they are the master of disguises. she did what she had done in her past. just up and left. left all he belongings, it was hell to get to to be responsible. the childishness set in. i guess ending one relationship was getting in the way of her play time with her new mate. i ended up putting her things in storage and sending her the key. i had to go into therapy and meds immediatly. i was right on the edge of a nervous break-down. i have been in recovery for a yr now. it devistated me to no end. please, stay away from these people. read the dsm criteria. one p-doc told me they are dangerous. they are. because their moods change quick. remember this, whatever they are feeling they are feeling it 10x more. be it negative or positive. if you want you life ripped apart, destroyed, and in therapy, then go play with these folks. my only beef with my ex is she knows she needs help. she admits she destroys all her relationships. she knows her brain doesnt function right. she is very intelligent. its such a wate of human life. they cant handle much stress. my ex was under so much stress when she left she began dissociating. now we can talk all we want about dissociating, but you really have to see this in action to really understand it. this is wher the danger comes in. i believe most of us think of a mental illness as being something we can obviously see. well, it isnt true. they know how to cover it up. when its gets tiring, they begin to slip and you can see it. but the slip is only a glimpse. its gone so fast you almost question what you have just seen. this is where we begin to loose or question our own sanity. by the way, my ex was married within 7 months of leaving. i have not seen or heard from her since. she did contact my neighbor to let him know how happy she was now. human beings are DISPOSIBLE to them. in her very own words.. JUST A STEPPING STONE TO SOMEONE ELSE..............
 
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