Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all? chat & forums.

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Thread: Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all? Posted: 8/7/2009 11:07:30 AM
Because in many states a parent has to pay support even when it is not requested. The custodial parent must accept it or will be found in contempt. Really stupid I know but so it is. Pretty much every state charges fees for handling the money, and you must pay the support to them and not directly to the parent so they can collect their fees. No she never saw or spoke to the kids after she left when they were 6 and 8. They are now 19 and 21. There are many things one doesn't realize, or they never seek the real answers. Thanks to the internet many truths are coming out slowly. Honestly I don't really think it's about instinct. It's about the ability to live up to the reponsibilities you create. Some can and some can't. Personally I was quite pi**ed that I had to accept it from someone who wanted nothing more than to get away from it.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers??? Posted: 8/7/2009 10:56:39 AM
It's not that hard to avoid such a thing. First and foremost, a parent can't be their kids best friend. You can have a great relationship and be able to talk about anything, but you still have to be the parent. The " Johnny stop that" crap only works in books, if they don't stop the first time you say, let them know it won't be said twice. Even my kids want to slap those parents. The idiotic belief that kids need to express themselves. Any parent who lets a 12 year old dress like a goth, a skank, a skater, whatever...is just plain stupid. You're letting you child make social choices of which they have no understanding of the effects. My daughters and I are very close, always have been. They are now over 18 and in college, and I still have no worries. I raised mine alone so it can't be that hard to raise them right.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all? Posted: 8/7/2009 10:41:00 AM
There are, percentage wise 3 times as many deadbeat moms as there are dads. It should be little surprise that it's just another silent statistic you never hear. Really though who cares, man or woman, if you can't imagine caring for a child alone you probably shouldn't have one. My kids mom has never once paid support, over $86,000 in arrears($50 a week per kid) ya its been a while. Such is life. I never asked for it, and don't see where anyone else should either. As far as I'm concerned it's just a money racket for the states.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 44 (view)

MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children.... Posted: 8/7/2009 10:18:24 AM
I think the others are right, it may take some time. Most people ready for that commitment are a bit older. But there is that someone out there I'm sure. They just haven't grown into it yet. Just remember not to settle, and that having kids is plus not a minus to many guys. Most guys ready for that would be 30's and up, so just enjoy what you have until you find someone ready to shoulder that responsibility.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

2 strikes and you're out? Posted: 8/7/2009 10:10:26 AM
Yep, move on. Two missed dates says a lot about priorities, and leaves questions to be answered. The only time I ever make exceptions are for single parents, things can change in a minute for them so that I understand.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 67 (view)

Background checks?? Posted: 8/7/2009 10:06:06 AM
I suppose if paranoia has taken you that far, or if some really negative experiences have made you that way, more power to you. Personally I could never be that rude or care that much about someones past. If you have kids, sure check the sex offender registry. What a womans past is to me is just that, and has little if anything to do with building a future. Really if I told a woman I was dating I had her checked, and didn't recieve a healthy slap in the face along with a goodbye I would lose a lot of respect for her. Trust is after all a large part of the foundation upon which a solid relationship is laid.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

I have to wonder...Do all guys cheat? Posted: 8/7/2009 9:43:19 AM
It's pretty simple really...there are both men and women who cheat. How can you tell them apart? You can't, you can be with someone for a lifetime and you will only know about them what they want you too. Try to avoid people who want to party every night. If someone disappears a lot, or is out of contact for long periods of time, you might want to look for someone else. As far as the is it you question, the answer is no, cheaters cheat no matter how wonderful what they have is. I've seen many guys over the years cheat on beautiful, wonderful wives, with the nastiest, most unattractive women. Yeah I scratch my head too, but only they know why they do it. Take your time and try to keep your eyes open, and don't be afraid to start looking again.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 56 (view)

You don't choose who you fall in love with. True? Posted: 4/11/2009 7:03:46 PM
I think for the most part you can fall in love with anyone...if you want to. So yes you do choose though it may not be who you expected it to be. The catch is all in letting yourself go.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 168 (view)

Are there any people left that date one at a time? Posted: 4/11/2009 6:49:09 PM
I also only date one person at a time. I've never been the serial dater type, and have little interest in those that are. I think until I can see where things are going the least I can do is give someone my undivided attention.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

Is it wrong to want a child/children at 40? Posted: 7/25/2008 2:20:21 AM
My last is leaving for college in a month and I'm looking forward to doing it all over again. Age is just a number if you really do want a family.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 157 (view)

distance problems Posted: 7/25/2008 2:17:13 AM
Well there will always be people who wait for love to knock at the door, and those who will travel to the moon and back to find that special one. I could chose to contact the twenty people in my town or open up to a whole new world. I would think the latter in both cases will produce a happier ending.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 549 (view)

Boys need fathers...Period Posted: 6/7/2008 10:24:16 AM
No child male or female needs a man to play daddy or a woman to play mommy. A woman can raise a perfectly healthy well adjusted boy just fine on her own. Sure she might have to use outside help like coaches, sports lessons, etc. But if she's willing to participate in her child's life, and willing to learn some things she didn't know about before, she'll do just fine. I raised two daughters with no female assistance, and they are as well rounded as any child can be. Did I have to attend cheer leading clinics, learn about beauty pageants, learn to enjoy shopping and which shoes were cutest out of the 100 pairs they tried on? Yes I sure did, and if I didn't know the answer I found someone that did, whether it was the family doctor, school nurse, counselor, coach.... It's all about participating in your kids lives. I know too that some parents male and female alike are denied rights even though they are great parents. Here in the states sadly family court is simply a cash cow and honesty, decency, and fairness are rarely to be found there. I think our system should be completely scrapped and family court judges should be restricted to no more than 5 years in a lifetime. I also think all court hearings should have a 5- 10 member panel of people that can stop a judge dead in his or her tracks when legality and fairness are being misplaced by well paid lawyers and country club pals.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all? Posted: 6/7/2008 10:04:36 AM
A boy needs a man in his life no more than a girl needs a woman. If you make the effort your kids will be just fine without. My daughters were raised by me and are just as girly girl as you could ask for. Put forth the effort, find the right answers, and most of all be there, whether it's football practice, or cheerleading, always, always be there. Seeing you there, knowing how proud they are making you will go further than you can ever imagine.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

You would do it over again? Really? Posted: 6/7/2008 9:59:57 AM
Yes I would. I never experienced so much joy and happiness than that which I got from raising my kids.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 334 (view)

Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents Posted: 6/7/2008 9:56:34 AM
A nice fairy tale but kid's do not need both parents. If both parents can work together to benefit the kids that's great, whether they are married or divorced. I've had sole custody of my kids for over a decade, and they haven't seen their mom in all those years. That was her choice. My kids were straight A students, cheerleaders, involved in pageants and modeling, etc. I went the distance to make sure I was there and rarely missed a game. One dedicated parent will always do better than a pair of mediocre dolts who could care less about their offspring. I know more than a few married couples who spend zero time with their kids, and do little to prepare them for their future. Over 80 kids dropped out of school in my youngest daughters class which graduated last night. Over 30 girls either are pregnant or have kids. It would be a fair guess to say at least half of those kids have both parents at home. Single or married anyone can do wonders with a kid if they only try. I always wonder how so many parents never grasp that a child so much joy, laughter, happiness, waiting to be given, if you're only around to enjoy it.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 144 (view)

Why Do Men Overlook Good Women? Posted: 6/4/2008 2:27:31 AM
I'm sure we all overlook many good people in our lives. You could be the sweetest person ever but if you're not attractive to me for whatever reason you will be overlooked as I would be to you should we be in opposite positions. You could be beautiful but have a laugh like fingernails on a chalkboard to me, and someone else would find it music to their ears. There are reasons why anyone would overlook anybody. Some good, some outrageously stupid, but such is life. The main thing to remember is just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean they will find you attractive.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 154 (view)

Why do men get a pat on the back but women get labelled? Posted: 6/4/2008 2:19:06 AM
How about it's just an age old myth that the more women a guy can bag the more manly he is, and every woman is supposed to be a virgin til marriage. Really a crook I know, but knowing that's just how some think, discretion is not a bad route to take. Don't sleep with coworkers or people directly attached to your life. If you want flings buy a room five cities away where nobody knows your business. Simply keep your personal life personal.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

this happens with EVERY guy i meet? WHY?! or is it just me? Posted: 6/4/2008 2:07:32 AM
First off kudos on being smart enough to keep sex in check til you're sure. Many have already given the answer...age group. The majority of of people men and women alike aren't looking to commit seriously at such a young age. There is nothing wrong with you. There are a few out there who are looking for such a thing and hopefully you'll find one. In the mean time just enjoy your life and stick to your principles. Really don't take any advice to date outside of your age group unless that's something you're really ok with. Honestly there are many commitaphobes in any age group.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 270 (view)

Men and cats? Posted: 6/4/2008 1:45:35 AM
My daughter dumped hers on me. I can't see taking an animal to the pound if it's as little bother as the average cat. Would I go out and buy one, maybe those mini ones that never grow up. My number one rule is all house pets must be of a size that can be accidentally squashed by a falling muffin.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 220 (view)

I found some disturbing pictures on my boyfriend's computer!!! Posted: 6/4/2008 1:39:43 AM
Were I you I'd find some pics of a guy and add them to the same file. Just tell him you thought they made a cute couple

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 122 (view)

Guys, would this hurt your feelings??? Posted: 6/4/2008 1:35:26 AM
Wouldn't hurt a bit, I appreciate any off ramp given by those so amazingly impressed with themselves.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 166 (view)

Why are children a problem? Posted: 6/4/2008 1:31:07 AM
All people are different, some of us love kids and can deal with it just fine, others...well some of the highbrow responses before this answer that. I was a single parent for many years and can deal with most of the issues involved as I went through them myself. I will say I won't deal with someones out of control hellion. I met a great person on here who's 6 year old son would call his mom a whore and various other not so nice things while we were talking on the phone. I knew I'd have that kid by the throat within a week should I have chosen to date her. To many variables to pigeonhole all guys into any category.

wonwascallywabbit

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Empty Nest Syndrome Posted: 6/4/2008 1:23:40 AM
For everyone the answer would be different. My last is leaving for college in a few months and honestly being a single dad was something I not only enjoyed it was something I really was good at. I really can't imagine a life with out a few monkeys running around. You can always get involved in something pertaining to kids, such as coaching, mentoring programs etc. As far as rebounding that depends on you and how serious you are about getting out of that funk. Myself I'm set on more kids, it was just to much of a joy to not do it all again.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 223 (view)

Lack of information in profession slot Posted: 6/3/2008 3:36:46 AM
Tired of women who messaged me hoping my pockets were deep. Personally I don't see where that would be an issue unless you're either looking for a certain status, or narrow minded in who might be your match.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 106 (view)

Do you even notice a girl's eyebrows? Posted: 6/3/2008 3:23:40 AM
Yep always notice them and some girls look just fine with the little caterpillars, heck look at Brooke Sheilds. You are quite right though it's certainly nothing to obsess about. I just happen to be one for the little details. I think if they fit you, trimmed or furry, then your being as cute as you can be.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 190 (view)

Why are guys scared of smart girls? Posted: 6/3/2008 3:14:58 AM
Because I hate losing at trivial pursuit..... That's just silly, there are plenty of guys that like to be around intelligent people. I should clarify, intelligent people who aren't overly impressed with themselves. I've been to over 70 countries, speak 5 languages, can tell you why the sky is blue (no not cause God made it that way), explain the workings of just about any machine, and draw you an exact picture of pretty much anything I have ever seen. Big whoop!!! In the end there are a dozen people within a mile who have just as much knowledge and experience as I do if not more. Judging from your rant you wear it like a badge, cool for you if it makes you happy. So if you know it freaks them out why bother? I raised two daughters and can explain to most women why their makeup is flawed, doesn't suit them well, and how it should match their features, and why their taste in clothes just isn't them. Something tells me it would be a short date as well.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 98 (view)

Hey guys...what is going wrong here? Posted: 6/3/2008 2:59:37 AM
It's quite possible your type isn't quite what you think it is. Maybe try someone you're attracted to for no particular reason. Get out of your head and just wing it a time or two. Maybe if you stopped looking at dates as potentional forevers you might find yourself having a little more fun. Could be too that you've just gotten tired of the search and need a break. Best of luck to you either way.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 56 (view)

why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we Posted: 6/3/2008 2:53:23 AM
I've had the same problem with women. Just realize there are some people don't understand boundaries and leave it at that. I have two daughters, and you can't imagine how many women didn't understand that aside from not wanting my kids to be uncomfortable in their own home, I felt my actions were an example to my kids and I had better be a good one.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 29 (view)

Tweens & Tampons Posted: 6/3/2008 2:46:07 AM
Make sure she knows everything she needs to including the dangers. A simple visit to the doctors office should give her all the correct information she needs if you're not up to explaining it all. The dangers and how often they need changed are nothing to take lightly.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

who is responsible? Posted: 6/3/2008 2:42:00 AM
Ideally the parent of the child should be responsible. Sadly though I doubt a child that acts like that has a parent who's any more responsible than they are. I'd just make sure the property owner was told and be the responsible party and pay the damages. I would also never invite that child to be my responsibility again.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Time and Distance Posted: 6/3/2008 2:38:02 AM
Ask yourself which one of you is going to move to be with the other. Inevitably this is where it will lead. Are you willing to do so? If not what do you have to offer that would make her want to give up everything? Maybe she just has the foresight to know this is where it has to lead and she likes life where she is. Why don't you just ask and have the answers ready should she ask if your willing to go that far.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 54 (view)

Why do women complain when their husbands are away from home too much because they are AT WORK? Posted: 6/3/2008 2:33:28 AM
For some guys it's misguided to think that money is the best thing they can offer their family. It simply isn't. For others a few of which I know their wife says that while running up $25,000 credit card bills. Guess they don't realize someone has to keep a roof over their heads. The best thing you can give your wife and kids is time.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

trashy skimpy clothes! Posted: 4/12/2008 2:59:54 AM
I usually look the other way. I much prefer sexy over someone advertising sex. A little class goes a long way. Honestly most women I see that dress in the manner you're talking about most often really, really don't need to be dressed that way. Nothin sexier than seeing a thong being smothered by belly rolls, right? eewwww

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

court checks on a person Posted: 3/25/2008 3:21:13 AM
If your that worried about everyone you meet by all means do the checks. I sincerely have to question the wisdom of telling them you did it though. If you find something you don't like move on to someone else. I would never think to do a background check on anyone, just seems a little underhanded to me. If I were in the same situation, I would dump them if they told me they did one as well. Myself I take more than a bit of offense at someone questioning my character, ethics, or morals. But again ,do what you think you need to feel safe, just don't be suprised by negative reations.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

What happened? Did I scare him off? Posted: 3/25/2008 3:06:31 AM
He apparently had a few issues. I wouldn't read much into it. I would just wait til you find the one again and when the time is right just go for it. I have to say someone telling me they are a virgin then sending me an email full of sex talk would make me scratch my head. No not that one! If you're with someone that acts a certain way, and out of the blue they do something out of character, it may make you wonder that's all.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

What do women do that pushes you away? Posted: 3/25/2008 2:50:12 AM
Big one for me is the needy clingy type. You can see it a mile away, and I exit stage left as quickly as possible. I want to be part of someones life not their entire life.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Things you wish you knew before getting married? Posted: 3/25/2008 2:46:59 AM
That she could never be happy, and there are some people that you just can't fix. Those two things would have done wonders for me.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

50% of men don't exist - confession Posted: 3/25/2008 2:45:21 AM
Oh God do I wish I had your gift. I have the most horrible powers of observation. So many things burnt into my psyche that make me shudder. I miss nothing. I'm the one who just has to see you sticking that finger in your nose, or the 4 foot wide backside bending to reveal (what I can only think is) the most horribly tortured thong that ever existed. Please make it stop!!!

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

A girl in an adult career Posted: 3/25/2008 2:40:56 AM
There are always those who go into relationships looking to build a past and not a future. Personally I couldn't care less if I met "the one" on a street corner offering a two for one sale. What someone was is not what they are, with a few extreme exceptions. If she were an ex-axemurderer I may have to pause for a moment to seek an exit.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 77 (view)

Claiming To Treat You Like A Princess Or Goddess Posted: 3/25/2008 2:21:28 AM
Foremost I think if you expect to be treated as a prince or a princess, you should accept nothing less. You're right most men and women alike use that statement as a sales gimmick for the most part. There are those that mean it as well though. Dating is like anything in life, you can buy a brand new car right off the showroom floor and it can be an absolute lemon. If what you find doesn't live up to the advertisement, recite the lemon law and trade them in.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 100 (view)

What's this Men are not monogamous by nature' line all about? Posted: 3/25/2008 2:12:35 AM
It's an excuse for cheaters, and really a load of crap. Anyone can be monogamous if they choose to.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 161 (view)

Would you date Britney Spears? Posted: 3/21/2008 5:00:09 AM
Date her? No I would gladly spend some time to teach her a few things about life and being happy that her parents failed to do. I find her and her situation very sad. Money really doesn't buy everything does it?

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

what about facial piercings Posted: 3/21/2008 4:56:06 AM
I think it's just like any thing else, some people can pull it off and some can't. One woman can make a dress look absolutely sexy and another would look like a skank in it. It's more about how you present yourself as a package, attitude and all. I once met a girl with a mohawk that had suicidal tattooed on the side of her head, to this day she is one of the prettiest women I have ever seen. Certainly not my type, but an amazing site to see none the less.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

What makes you feel and act young (at least at heart) Posted: 3/21/2008 4:37:57 AM
Not being afraid to be an absolutely silly sh**, when the mood strikes. Which normally is about every other minute.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

Has common sense been replaced by paranoia in online dating? Posted: 3/20/2008 7:40:26 AM
I can assure you all, men get all the types of email you mentioned as well. I certainly have, hate mail, offers of sex, asking size of a certain body part, even one that asked me to be her daddy. Some sad, some sick, some seriously questionable women. Does this change my view of the average woman here? Not in the least. Being safe is good being paranoid is not. No matter where you go or what you do in life there will always be that one idiot who can ruin your day if you let them. I simply don't let them.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 160 (view)

outrageous expectations from online daters Posted: 3/20/2008 2:03:59 AM
Ya been here long enough to write a book of hate mails. Many people think preferences are discrimination or being hateful. You will always have a high percentage of people who only look at the photo. Maybe they can't read, or maybe they have the shiny thing oh, oh, shiny thing mentality of a ferret. Delete, report, and block are some awesome tools management here gave you. USE THEM!!! Keep your preferences, standards, and safety in tact, it is your life after all.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 187 (view)

Why do some guys write they want friends first? Posted: 3/20/2008 1:13:49 AM
Half of the people who put this there, men and women alike, are hoping to weed out a few people looking for a one night stand. The other half puts this on there because even though they do one night stands at the drop of a hat (pants actually) they don't want the world to view them as they are.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 88 (view)

Do you even notice a girl's eyebrows? Posted: 3/20/2008 1:01:56 AM
It really depends on the girl. I find that those with darker hair usually look fine with thicker eyebrows. The unibrow look is definitely not attractive on anyone male or female, at least not to me. I will admit to seeing a few women who would be very attractive if it weren't for the caterpillars above their eyes.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

how long can a man go without sex? Posted: 3/20/2008 12:54:45 AM
It really depends on the man. For me there has to be more than a physical connection. It's been around 5 years or so now, and about the same before that. I would think it's more what your personal view on sex is and whether you care or not if you leave a trail of daddyless mini me's trailing behind you. I'm sure there are different factors for different people.

yum/yuck/yikes

Joined: 7/20/2005

Msg: 224 (view)

Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship? Posted: 3/20/2008 12:03:07 AM
I would definitely leave if I were in a serious relationship. If things don't work out it is easy enough to re-up. Why give someone a reason to doubt your sincerity?

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