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Thread: confused and frustrated

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

confused and frustrated Posted: 6/15/2009 5:35:40 PM
Yikes, your post makes me wonder if we have been seeing the same man?

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 76 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 7/5/2008 9:29:21 AM
Wow, I didn't realize there were new answers to my post...I put it up so long ago.. I just happened across it today..alot has happend since I first put it up! so I will post an update...after about another month of not knowing where in the world things were headed, I did decide to just ask..and the answer was a bit shocking and not thought of by myself or anyone who had responded.. although in retrospect, it made PERFECT sense..I am a nurse and it was pretty textbook.. He told me he's bipolar...which perfectly explained the ups and downs, calling three times a day and then disappearing for for several.. from treating me like his golf partner to discussing our future..all over the place and I just didn't see the big picture. As many pointed out I wasn't ready to be in a relationship and I had to face that fact. We are still friends, and I still adore him...I just don't look to a future..and I don't have any expectations of him... I am continuing to meet new men and have been a little discouraged more than once by the whole "online dating world"...but I am gettng better at picking myself up and dusting myself off and at realizing I don't actually need a man...I'd like on in my life , but I am managing pretty well on my own.. And I remain cautiously optimistic, that eventually it will happen. Thanks to everyone for their input!

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

When is it ok? Posted: 4/20/2008 5:54:39 PM
I would take it slow..no need to tell everything on the first date. But if you find someone and think there is potential, honesty is essential.

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Why take time out after a split-up? Posted: 4/20/2008 5:43:41 PM
In fairness to the next person who will come into your life...no one wants to be "rebound guy (or girl)"

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Your opinion- Is there a double standard with women requirements vrs mens? Posted: 4/20/2008 5:41:40 PM
I am guessing that there is a bit of a double standard for men and women..but are you really interested in a woman who needs a "big strapping man" anyway?

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 65 (view)

Trust issues Posted: 4/20/2008 5:37:48 PM
Infidelity ended my 20 year marriage.. I personally think if they are willing to cross that line once...it's just gets easier the second time.

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 103 (view)

Does it take longer to recover the loss of a loved one through divorce or widowhood Posted: 4/20/2008 5:33:37 PM
I would think it might take longer after a divoce, with that it's just sadness and loss. With divorce, there is anger and bitterness as well as sadness and loss. And , there is the fear of failure again aspect.

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/19/2008 4:47:20 PM
Fred, I am asking you, because your opinions do make sense to me..if I don't alway like the answers.. He has made no overtures what so ever, he hugs me at the end of an evening..but that's it. Not that I am in rush, but it seems odd to me ...most men are more opportunistic than that..aren't they? I do think he's a little shy..like he'll ask about my day at work but then specify "no details" I work in labor and delivery...and the whole thing seems to embarrass him a little.. like he definately doesn't want to hear any anatomical vocabulary. I find it sweet and endearing, but I wonder if it's just his personality or if he feels uncomfortable with ME... What's your take? and thanks for your post, they are helpful... your almost my therapist at this point :)

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/19/2008 3:25:39 PM
Perhaps he does have a fear of commitment I don't know...and I am not asking for any type of commitment anyway...I just want to know how he's feeling one way or another. Wow, though, I love this forum site...I have had lots of great input...and am feeling a little better about things...this was my first post. Am doing alot of "firsts" these days...it's definately a learning curve. thanks again, to everyone.

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/19/2008 3:02:33 PM
I occasionally wonder if does feel sorry for me...we had similar bad experiences..his ex left him for her AA sponser, and mine cheated on me with a woman who would "drink with him" (his words). Neither he nor I are big drinkers, and we were both pretty blindsided by our break ups initially... his was much longer ago than mine..4 years and he wasn't married. So I think he does have great empathy for what I have been through, but I really really hope that's not why he stays around! I still have rough days now and then, but I mostly feel like have made a prison break..and I can breathe again...I have no doubts about my decision to leave my marriage.

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/19/2008 2:42:31 PM
Actually Fred, what you said does make sense to me...I really don't see myself as needy and certainly not desperate..I have plenty of offers to date.. I just wonder if maybe another of the responders to this was right..that maybe part of his appeal is that I am not sure he really likes me.. I have not been out with hundreds of men, but about 12...and they left no question that they were interested. They asked to call, wanted to see me again, etc.. but I didn't feel any real chemistry I guess. They were all nice and articulate, educated men with seemingly much to offer... but I find myself disappointed when anyone except this guy is calling.... and I guess if that's how he's feeling about me, I would like to know...I couldn't be mad about it..it is what it is..you can't help the way you feel..just like me with the others. But maybe your right, just go with it and see what happens...I guess if he didn't like me at all he wouldn't keep calling right?

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/19/2008 12:44:49 PM
Well, okay nix that idea... I definately don't want him to think I am a "weirdo"...that's why I haven't asked him outright...I don't want appear needy or desperate... I don't think I am either of those, but it's just frustrating to have NO idea what he's really thinking!

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/19/2008 12:28:55 PM
Wow, thank you to everyone who responded...it's alot to think over..and some pretty rational sounding advice... Not that I have any idea what to do yet...maybe I should just send him an email with a link to this thread? Again, I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond..even when it's hard to hear.

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/18/2008 7:40:55 PM
Well, I haven't ask because I don't want to look or feel like I am desperate..because I don't feel like I am. I did ask him to go with me to a formal function at my work and he said yes right away, even if he has to travel all the way home and back again in the morning for work (he works all over the state). And he is helping me move in a couple of weeks. But I don't know if that seems like a really good buddy or something more?

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/18/2008 7:10:50 PM
Thank you, I am trying to be very conscious of a "rebound" relationship. I am honestly not moving fast, have not slept with him or anyone . I just really like this guy...and have no idea if it's mutual...it's crazy - on the one hand I think if he had no feelings for me he would probably quit calling which he has not...on the other hand if he really liked me I would think he would be even more attentive... I am sure I am overthinking it all...but it frustrates me to no end...

Joined: 3/21/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

I can't figure him out...Help?? Posted: 4/18/2008 6:59:21 PM
I am newly out of a long term marriage and sooo new to the dating world. I met a man online about 2 months ago. He seemed to "click" right away.. He calls me about every other day. We both work so we haven't spent too much time together, but when we do we always have a good time..I think . But I can't tell if he really likes me, or wants to be my buddy, or feels bad for me because of my messy divorce... Every other man I have met online has made it clear, they like me..they want to see me again, they are attracted to me...all except him. And of course, he's the one I am always hoping will call... So what do I do...ask him directly. Continue to meet new men, and just see what happens? Forget about him and move on? (easier said than done) I am just lost. I was married for 20+ years and all of this is so foreign to me..I am not sure what ettiquete is appropriate. I don't want to be direct and have him think I am nutty...like out buying bride magazine or anything..I am very sane. I just wish I new if there was a potential for this to go anywhere or not.. Any advise on how to proceed? Please help!

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