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 Author Thread: profile review please
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
profile review please
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:14:40 AM
Saying the things you have said such as
God I really hate this bit, sounds so cliched
gives me a negative impression of you.
This part is good :
I am easygoing, have a sense of humour (if wacky sometimes)

These parts are bad:
and my friends say ... but maybe too trusting, we all have our faults.
It is important that people know what you think of yourself. When you say "my friends say" you are saying that you don't know much about yourself.

This part is bad:
OK, not the best looking guy in the world, but not the worst either, my brother Brad got the looks in the family, oh well.
It shows insecurity. Besides, looks are in the mind of the beholder.

I could go on, but I'm absolutely certain that you get the idea.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
lololol reviewaments
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:03:55 AM
Your profile is probably a turn-off to Asian ladies your age. For the most part, based on my experience as a college professor, Asian ladies your age are serious people and are looking for serious relationships with the idea of marriage and family (in that order).
Therefore, let me suggest that you re-write it and make it a [bold]serious[/bold] document.

Also, put in a few pictures of yourself doing something that a serious person would do.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Misunderstood ?
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:53:51 AM
Your profile is a bit confusing. It suggests, to me, that you don't know what your are looking for. This is not necessarily bad.
In Alice in Wonderland the Cheshire Cat has this discussion with Alice. I believe it applies to you as well.

"Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. "Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
"I don't much care where--' said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
"--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why am I not getting any responces?
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:49:12 AM
Hi Corey,
Let me start by saying you are suffering from numbers at your age. At your age there are about as many guys as there are gals.
My suggestion would be to determine what the ladies your age have interests in (there are lists of turn-offs and turn-ons on this site) and describe your COMMON interests based on these lists.
The right-most picture is too dark.
Have pictures of yourself in various activities. Take a look at mine and you will see what I mean.
Other than that, all I can say is good fishing.
Leib
 Leib ben Yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Would love to hear some feeback :)
Posted: 7/26/2009 4:23:04 PM
Hi Louis,

Hi thanks for taking the time out of your day to read about me,

This is good.

My name's Louis and I'm a lad who's honestly just trying to enjoy life for how beautiful it really is,
This is not so good. It sounds appologetic to me and you have no reason to appologize - yet. Take it out.


I love to meet people and I'm the type of guy that despite not always being the sharpest tool in the shed
This is not so good. It suggests that you are somehow not worth bothering with.


will give you the shirt off my back and try to treat you with as much respect as possible if you're willing to respect me in return, this doesn't mean you always have to agree with me however ;)
This suggests to me that you lack self confidence. I would drop the part about trading respects. It also suggests that if the other party does not respect you, you will not respect the other person. In fact, if the other person does not return the respect, you will drop her.


Oh and I have to admit I'm a huge flirt at times and not always the suave type either, I can be a little bit goof at times and I love to laugh so it tends to fit in with just who I am.
Drop the part about being a flirt. If lady 1 knows you are going to flirt with lady 2 she will say, "who needs him. I want someone who gives me all his attention."


I'd like to think I can be quite talkative
Drop the words, "I'd like to think..." Just say, "I can be quite talkative but I also love listening to people that have things to talk about


(I'll be honest I don't mean about what happened on the OC last week I'm more
Drop the words, "(I'll be honest I don't mean about what happened on the OC last week I'm more ... " and start with, "I'm interested into how something is effecting your world or something that's going on in the world around you."


For instance here's a question for you: What's the first name of the last person you said thanks to? it might be a totally random question but to me things like that matter, I think life needs to have those sort of answers.
This is a very good idea, but not a good question. My conversation starter is, "What is the most interesting thing you did last week?"

I wish you the bestest
Leib
 Leib ben Yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Is it me?
Posted: 7/25/2009 4:44:39 PM
I am not a great guy. I am a paranomyasiac.
If you don't know what that is, look it up under "puns" in Wikipedia.

Leib
 Leib ben Yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
My little story
Posted: 7/25/2009 4:38:57 PM
There is a story which Jewish people tell which describes your situation.

A man was visiting the cemetery to place flowers on the grave of a family member. While there, he heard a man a few stones down from him crying screaming at the top of his lungs, "WHY DID YOU DIE. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DIE?"

The first man walked over to the second, put his hand on the second man's shoulder and asked, "Is the man burried here a relative?"

"No," the second man said tearfully and went on screaming, "WHY DID YOU DIE. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DIE?"

"Was he a friend of yours?" the first man asked.

"No," the second man said tearfully and went on screaming, "WHY DID YOU DIE. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DIE?"

"Then why are you crying over his grave?" the first man asked.

"He was my wife's first husband."

Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please offer me some feedback.
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:16:16 PM
My reaction is that your profile is merely a list in prose format. What you have to say is good, but if you discuss many "I like to's" in one paragraph it is overwhelming.

While you are on the line, so to speak, let me also indicate that, to me, listing too many interests is the equivalent of saying, "I am interested in everything but stopped listing these things when I ran out of time and space." Thus, my suggestion would be to prioritize your interests and list the top 2 or 3 and tell your reader why you are interested in these particular elements.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile review please...too much maybe?
Posted: 7/2/2009 8:09:33 PM
Your profile is unique to say the least. On the other hand, it is like a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta, lots of words and music and saying nothing.

My suggestion is to write a profile that describes your desireable qualities and interests. Saying that your goal is to become Mr. America will make you unique and have appeal to a large number of ladies who are looking for physically fit guys (Maria Shriber did).

My other suggestion is to read one or two the comments directed at others who have asked for profile reviews. For the most part they are very astute comments.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Profile review
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:59:40 PM
My reaction has to do with the 22 items in your "Interests" list.

Listing too many interests limits the number of people who will respond to you. It is saying, in effect, "I am interested in everything." It is like using a shotgun to shoot ducks at 200 yards. You will hit some, but not have anything to eat for dinner.

This seems to be a good place for me to stop. Others will make further suggestions.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
please review my profile
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:52:59 PM
Hi Deb,
Repeating what others have said is redundant, so that will be skipped. One of my favorite quotations says something to the effect that I would have written less but didn't have the time.
My favorite president, when it came to saying things, was Calvin Cooledge. A reporter once asked him, as he was leaving a church, what a preacher had talked about. Cooledge answered with one word, "sin." When the reporter asked him what the preacher had said, Cooledge responded, "he's against it."

The pictures, however, caught my attention right off. They only show your head. All of us have bodies too. Showing only your head suggests that you are either a) hiding something or b) don't have any specific interests. My suggestion is to load pictures showing you doing something. If you need some ideas, look at my pictures.

Good fishing,
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Seriously looking for your HONEST opinion on my profie
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:42:21 PM
Personally, my opinion is that your profile is superlative. My only suggestion is to keep changing the profile from time to time. A stale profile is like a stale loaf of bread.

You listed a large number of interests. The problem with a laundry list of interests is that the reader can't tell which really turn you on (are part of your personality) and which are simply passing interests. For example, writing computer programs really turns me on and Judge shows interest me. Thus those ladies who write to me know pretty well that they better like computers because that is where "I'm at."

My suggestion, then, is to prioritize your interests and list the top 2 or 3. You will get fewer responses, but the responses will be from ladies closer to your ideal match. (In marketing, this is known as niche marketing.)

Good fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Here goes nothin'
Posted: 7/2/2009 7:32:05 PM
Hi Ty,
Let me say right off that saying you are a typical 20 year old limits your attractiveness. You need to convince people that you are a special 20 year old and then go on to indicate those attributes that make you special.

My other suggestion is to limit your list of interests. Your interests tell a great deal about you to a sophisticated reader. Listing too many interests leaves the reader wondering which interests have top priority and which are merely "well, there is a passing interest in ..." Thus my suggestion is to list a few interests and elaborate on them. Describe to the reader why you are interested in xyz and the things you have done with xyz.

Good fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Can Someone Tell Me If My Profile Is All Wrong??
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:13:41 PM

Whats most important to me is that you have respect for yourself .

Let me ask you this: Would any decent guy say that he didn't have respect for himself? The way this is stated will be a turn-off for the guys you would like to meet.


If you want to play games then don't even talk to me. I don't put up with someone who plays games.
is a very negative way of expressing the fact that you are avoiding games players. No thinking guy will ever tell you that he is a games player.

On a positive note, let me suggest that you identify those characteristics that make you different than others your age. If as an example, you were queen of the homecoming parade or the head cheerleader in high school, mention that. Otherwise your profile will be seen as "generic" and only the least desirable respondents will respond toit.

Good fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Getting all the wrong attention is it something I said?
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:04:28 PM
If I'm correct, you are getting responses from all the wrong guys. It surprises me that you got any response from decent sorts of men. Most of the guys in my group of associates prefer to read informaton in coherent paragraphs. Thus, let me suggest that you break your big paragraph into smaller ones and make one point per paragraph.

In addition, let suggest that you drop the negative elements from your profile. You can identify these elements by pretending to be reading the profile of a guy who said what you said.

Time limits my response at the moment. Others will respond and will have their own "takes" on your profile.

Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Profile advice / tips / review please.
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:13:29 PM

Personality is very important to me but I must have a physical attraction as well, ...

This paragraph suggests, by its structure and emphasis, to me that anything less than a Miss America runner up need not apply. You may feel that way and the way you feel is truly none of my business, but as the paragraph is stated it probably suggests the same things to potential friends and mates.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Please Help me with Pro. Review!
Posted: 6/26/2009 7:06:24 PM
You have clearly indicated your love of sports. The profile gives me the impression that everything else is trivial relative to sporting activities. In my opinion, this would say to the ladies who are not interested in sports, "if you are not interested in sports, keep on surfing."

My suggestion, then, is to indicate that you have an interest in sports, but emphasize your business oriented goals.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Please review my profile
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:55:34 PM
My impression of the first paragraph is that it is simply a list which has been run together to form a paragraph. My suggestion is to discuss fewer topics, perhaps three or four, and elaborate on each of them.

Once you start communicating with someone, you can then describe the topics you did not discuss in your PoF profile

Good Fishing

Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Let me know what you think... Really
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:49:35 PM
I have problems with the paragraph that describes meeting beautiful women. That sentence says to me that women should not respond unless they are Ms. America beautiful and have the academic background equivalent to that of a nuclear physicist (or at least a brain surgeon).

The other element that disturbs me about your profile is the large number of interests. It suggests to me that you lack focus and jump from interest to interest. My suggestion is to prioritize them and just list the top three or four.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
would love to hear comments
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:37:34 PM
Your profile sounds good to me. My suggestion would be to describe your occupation. A description of your occupation would make you unique and give you a jumping off point for your subsequent mail

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Am I That Intimidating?
Posted: 6/26/2009 6:28:47 PM
Your profile says that you are 59 years old and well educated. That is the sort of thing that would appeal to men 55 and beyond. The main picture seems, to me, to be inappropriate for an educated woman with a good income and your block of interests.

My advice to other posters is to indicate those personal characteristics that make you unique. For example, if you were the editor of your high school yearbook or, like one of my friends, a professor of computer art, that would make you unique. Similarly, serving in the Peace Corps makes you unique among women.

What effect does being unique have? Being unique reduces the number of men who will write to you, and that is a good thing. It eliminates the men who are intimidated by your special qualities thereby reducing the amount of mail you must answer while simultaneously increasing the appropriateness of the mail you do receive.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is this enough/good content for a profile?
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:49:28 PM
In your first picture you have a cigarette in your mouth. In my opinion that will turn off some of the ladies you are trying to attract.

Personally, I think you have too many pictures in which you are holding a gun. I don't know why it should bother me, but it does.

Let me also suggest that rather than waiting for someone to stumble across your profile, take a pro-active stance and contact some of the ladies yourself.

Good fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
No one is talking to me
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:22:31 PM
Other respondents have indicated that you need to break your paragraph into a series of two or three paragraphs, so repetition of this suggestion is redundant.

When re-writing your profile, attempt to point out those characteristics that make you unique. For example, if you were the captain of the cheerleading squad in high school point that out. If you served in the Peace Corps, indicate that also. By pointing out your unique characteristics, you have something to discuss with those guys who write to you.


My feeling is that your list of interests is overbearing. This suggests, to me anyway, that you attempted to list everything you have ever done. To me this is using a shotgun approach to hunging geese. You will put a few pellets in to several of the geese in a large flock of geese but will not go home with anything to eat.
My suggestion is to prioritize your interests and list the top two or three.

Good Fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How does the 'nice guy' get noticed pt2
Posted: 6/25/2009 7:53:53 PM
The profile is fine as far as it goes. It's problem is that you have not indicated those characteristics that make you a unique person. What have you done that few others have done: Have you been the president of your senior class? Have you written any books?
I'm sure you recognize that others have profiles similar to yours. Rewrite it to show that you are different than the others here.

Good Fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
what can i do? please help!!
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:18:00 PM
My reaction to your profile is that your list of interestest is overwhelming. My suggestion is to prioritize the list and only show the top 3 or 4 interests. Other than that, follow the suggestions of others who have evaluated your interests.

Leib
Good Fishing.
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile Review
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:12:40 PM
Your profile is one of the best that has crossed my screen. My only suggestion is to prioritize and narrow the list in the first paragraph to no more than three activities. The list is overwhelming.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
verbal abuse wanted.... of the constructive type please :)
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:55:44 PM

well... each time around the block, you learn a little bit more :)... Currently I've been keeping myself busy fixing up the house, a few others, and yard upkeep. While I don't have much of a green thumb, I do enjoy sitting out on the deck looking over the yard on sunny days. Outside of that I like to... watch the Brewers, shoot pool, darts, and catch up watching scrubs...


My suggestion to the above paragraph is to re-orient your activities to reflect your interests better. "Currently I've been ... " would sound better if you said, "I enjoy working arond my home and modernizing it and fixing things." Women are "nesting" creatures and would respond more positively to nesting activities than to mechanical ability.


I'm a bit of a jokester that likes to laugh and make others laugh as well.

My suggestion here is a rewording of the sentence. Say something to the effect that when she gets to know you she won't stop laughing.


I'm also very open minded and willing to try anything.
is meaningless. Indicate things you would like to try which are better done with a partner. For example, "I'd like to go to New York to see a Broadway play and I'm sure this would be more fun if I had someone who, like me, has never been to a Broadway play.


I like to play... just about anything.
Is, like the previous "anything" meaningless.


I'd like to find someone that still plays in life and hasn't grown prematurely old under the duress of work and their career.
is saying "If you have had problems in the past, don't bother me. I don't want to hear about your having had to work to bring up your brothers and sisters and take care of your elderly parents." End the sentence at "still plays in life."


I'd like to find someone who takes care of herself as well. Someone sporting an attractive mind with a beautiful carrying case.

While this may be true, it will cause ladies with great personalities and less than the figure of an 18 year old super-star-model to say, "who needs this guy. With my brainds and beauty I can get a rich guy who works out and who can afford to pay someone to work on our home."
Remember, a gal with looks, brains and money is looking for a guy with looks, brains and money.


If this sounds like you, drop me a line - can't wait to hear from ya!

Let me finish this sentence, for you, the way I'd finish it if I was a potential candidate for a friend or lover. "If this sounds like you, drop me a line - can't wait to hear from ya! If it doesn't sound like you, [bold]go to hell[/bold]."
If this is the message you want to send, leave it in - otherwise change it.

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile/Picture Help PLEASE!!!
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:14:09 PM
Drop the first sentence. It makes you appear undecisive, as if you are a lost little boy waiting to be rescued.

Next, the second sentence in that paragraph is "unenthusiastic." First drop the words, "I guess..." They give me the impression that you lack self confidence.
The second sentence needs to tell your reader that that you are successful: that you have achieved goals that only others dream about. Then list one or two things you have achieved. That makes you unique. How many other men can say that?
Additionally saying that that you have achieved goals that only others dream about says that you are now looking to achieve greater heights.

good fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Looking for a review
Posted: 6/18/2009 8:00:26 PM
Hi Scott,
Unless you are looking for someone that enjoys working on automobiles as much as you do, change or drop that first sentence.

There is a spelling error in your profile. You probably meant to use the wor "ODD" not "ADD"

Good Fishing
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How can I improve my profile
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:56:03 PM
My belief is that lists in a profile turn people off. While this may not be universally true, it is nevertheless my belief. The fact that your profile description does not contain bullets or numbers does not alter the fact that it is a list.

That having been said, let me suggest that you take each of the elements in the list and elaborate on it. Give your reaader the answers the questions for your reader how, what, when where and why for each of the items in the list.

Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
some feedback from the pros! plz
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:47:52 PM
I have several problems with your profile. The first sentence suggests that you are unenthusiastic. It says "being on Pof is no big deal. If it doesn't work I'll try something else." Drop it. People enjoy being with people who are enthusiastic.

You could show your enthusiasm by saying something to the effect that once you found PoF you could hardly wait to compose and put your profile on its site.

The other sentence is the one in which you indicate what other people think of you. My reaction is that if you don't know who /what you are, you are a "nothing." You have got to come off confident. This can be done by saying something to the effect that once someone gets to know you they will really and truly enjoy your company because you are educated (and here you can put in your interest in computer science) and fun.

My third problem is that you have too many icons on your profile. It looks busy.

Good fishing.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
looking for honest feedback
Posted: 5/16/2009 11:27:39 AM
Your profile is OK as far as it goes, but it is "vanilla." You need to indicate those attributes that make you different than the other women on the site. Have you received any awards from high school / college. Are you active in any church / social organizations? Have you served in the armed forces, and if so, which and what did you do there? Where did you serve?
I think you have the idea. Go for it.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
my boyfriend owes me money
Posted: 5/15/2009 8:30:57 PM
Sadly, I hate to say this but going to court doesn't always work. The courts give you judgements. Getting a judgement and getting cash are not the same.
As for the folks who tell you not to lend money, it is too late.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
It would be funny if it wern't so true.
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:18:18 PM
A friend of mine visited me a few weeks ago. She was critical of everything. She told me to get rid of anything that had no value to me.

I took her to the airport.

Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Thoughts on advice
Posted: 4/10/2009 5:11:31 PM
Some people say (nively) that it is better to give than receive. There is a saying: the only thing that is better to give than receive is advice.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is my profile good enough?
Posted: 1/11/2009 1:14:23 PM
Hi Chris,
Others have commented on your pictures but not about the balance of your profile and therefore, it seems, to me, to be appropriate to focus on the balance of your profile.
My experience has been that women make a big deal about items that appear to be trivial to men. My guess is that a large number of women have not responded because of the errors in grammar; using "i" for "I", "im" for I'm" and so forth.
Another really serious problem with your profile is that you have combined a large number of diverse ideas into a single paragraph. Combining a large number of diverse ideas into a single paragraph, at best, results in confusion on the part of readers, at worst it suggests that you lack the ability to focus on one thing at a time.

Im a confident bloke who speaks his mind, but im not an arrogant little git!

Several things bother me about this quotation. First, since my home is on the west side of the "pond," the word "git" is unfamiliar to me. It may be that your readers may see this as an obscenity.
Again, because my home is on the west side of the "pond," my understanding of the word "bloke" suggests to me that you are not a nice person. That may be an acceptable word among your colleagues.
Next, I am confused about the way you how you distinguish between confident and arrogant. My confusion could be resolved if you introduced a paragraph using this sentence and then, in that paragraph, elaborated on what you do or say when you are expressing your confidence and when you are not being arrogant.


I work as a tree surgeon at the mo, but im going in the army (Royal Engineers) end of Feb.
My understanding of "mo" and "Feb" is that these are abbreviations. Using abbreviations in a [bold]formal document[/bold] suggests, to me anyway, that you are either in too much of a hurry or too lazy to write things out.


I love playing and watching football (Arsenals my team) i try to go to the home games atleast once every 2 months, theres such a good atmosphere when you go (only if we win lol.)

There are a lot of elements in this quotation that bother me about your profile. Saying that there's such a good atmosphere when you go only if you win suggests that you are a poor loser. Are you sure you want to suggest that to a reader? Why not say to your reader "win or lose, I enjoy going to the game, although I'd rather win than lose, " or "win or lose, I enjoy going to the game, although wining is more enjoyable than losing. "
Using "theres" rather than "there's" may be a typing error rathern than an inability to use English correctly. In general typing errors are forgiveable and are forgiven when they are noticed. Inability to use English correctly suggests that either you are indifferent to your use of the language or are so poorly educated that you can't use it correctly. If you want to make a good impression, and it seems to me that you do, you must edit and re-edit until all of the grammatical errors have been corrected.
This is a minor point, but one that irritates me. When the writer uses "2" rather than "two" in a formal document my assumption is that the writer was unfamiliar with the usual proceeure for the use of numerical values. The only time the use of a number is acceptable is when the number is ten or larger. Thus, 40 Km would be acceptable but 2 KM is not. Similarly, forty Km is not acceptable whereas two Km is not.

... atmosphere when you go (only if we win lol.)
Throughout the paragraph you refer to yourself. Suddenly, at the end of the paragraph you say "when you go ..." It would be better to say, " ... when I go ..."


I do go the gym as fitness is a big thing for me and im a competative person im always trying to be the best at what ever i do!

This is perfect for your for profile except for requiring its own paragraph and correction of the English. It shows me your positive attributes as a person.


I like chilling out on the weekends by going out with my mates on the razz, but i do enjoy staying in aswell jus getting a takeway n watching a good dvd.

Again, the word "razz" has no meaning for me. If it has meaning for those gals that would be reading your profile, by all means leave it in.
Are you sure you mean "... but I do ..." or do you mean "... and I do ..." ? The activities of "chilling" and "staying in" are only incompatible activities if you try to do them simultaneously.
My use of abbreviations and the use of "i" has been discussed above and will not be elaborated here other than to say that: "n" needs to be changed to "and" and "dvd" needs to be capitalized.


Its jus a shame i got no1 to stay in with..

Change "Its" to "It's" "Its" is a possessive pronoun and is correct if you are saying "The house had its roof replaced." "It's" is the abbreviation for "It is."

"Got" should be "have." "Got" is the past tense of "to receive" . "Have is the present tens of "to posess."

"no1" should be "no one". "no1" makes the profile difficult to read.


...... Im a big believer in life, u only get to live it once, so do as i do and live yours to the fullest!!!


The attempt at an elipsis made me laugh. An elipsis is three dots which represent the omission of irrelevant text. For example, the sentence, "The house, across the street with the car parked in the driveway next to the truck, was painted." could be written as "The house ... was painted," if knowing that the house was across the street and the car and truck are irrelevant to the fact that the house was painted.
The abbreviation "u" should be "you"
Your phrase "...believer in life, u only get ..." is two sentences.
Your phrase "... live it once,so do as ..." is two sentences.
You indicate that you live life to the fullest, but give no examples of living life to the fullest. Without examples, your reader has no way of knowing what you mean by your statement. Let me illustrate what I mean by living life to the fullest.
When I live life to the fullest I visit my daugthers and applaud their successes and reassure them that their setbacks are only temporary.
You may not agree but you understand what I mean when I say that this is living life to the fullest.
You have three exclamation points after the word "fullest." There are two problems here. First "!" is usually good enough after an exclamation but three is over-kill. The second problem is that the sentence is not exclamatory. Exclamatory sentences would be, "Be careful! The stove is hot!" and "I'm the greatest thing since the discovery of waxed paper!
You asked at the start of this review if your profile was "good enough." My answer is no.
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Please review my profile
Posted: 1/10/2009 1:57:59 PM
Hi Wayne,
You need to decide, before you start making [bold]major[/bold] corrections in your profile, if your profile is the source of your not getting much response, or if there is another problem.
Blaming your profile for not getting responses is like taking your car to a mechanic and saying "Fix it, it's broken." without telling hin what is wrong with it.
You say you sent out a few messages. My question is, how many messages? three? five? fifty?
You haven't said how long you have been on PoF. Being on a service such as PoF can take weeks or even months before the right one comes along and respondes to your profile.
Being geographically challenged may result in a small number of responses. Guys and gals who live in New York or Los Angeles will get more and more frequent responses than guys and gals who live in Elk Grove, CA. (90 miles from San Francisco).
Being "dull" as you put it is not necessarily a problem. Another word for dull is "stable." Some gals like guys who are stable; have a job (good or otherwise) and don't need to be on the go, constantly seeking thrills.
By all means, consider the responses you get to your request for a profile review, but also consider the length of time you have been on the service and the number of e-mails you have sent out to the ladies here on PoF.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Profile Review
Posted: 1/9/2009 9:06:36 PM
I had a lot of problems with your pictures as I'm accustomed to seeing pictures in which the people are vertical, not diagonal.
My feeling is that your first paragraph is merely a list in paragraph form rather than a paragraph. As such, it is confusing and disjointed. When I tried to rewrite it, I was unable to do so because I did not know the points you were trying to empahsize and could not identify the material which supported the points you were trying to emphasize.
Similarly, I could not identify your goals. Is your primary goal to becoming a lawyer, a criminologist, an attorney who specializes in crime, or a psychologist whose specialty is criminal behavior?
You said
One of my favorite hobbies is sports mainly airsoft,soccer and judo.I also like to go to the beach and go swimming or just taking walks and just talking getting to know each other

Again, what you have said confuses me. You have used the word, "one," and let you list three.
The paragraph talks about your interest in sports, but includes information about taking long walks and "just getting to know each other." Placing information into a paragraph indicates to the reader that you want him or her to tie together all the information in the paragraph. Well written paragraphs make a point and have information supporting that point.

I love to read books,especially fiction and historical litterature as well as books from known philosophers.

This is an example of a moderately well written paragraph. If I was rewriting it I'd say, "I love to read books, especially fiction, historical literature and books from known philosophers." The point you are making is that you love to read. The supplemental information lists the types of books you like to read.


Music is a big part of my life,I go through many phases,listening to different styles of music but having turntables it is no surprise that techno and trance is very high on my list. I also listen to The Offspring( a big favorite of mine) Nighwish,Metro Station,Smashing Pumpkins and a lot of oldies also,so you could say I have a very wide range of tastes.I also like movies some of my favorite being Jurassic Park,Full Metal Jacket and Die Hard

Once again, you have disparate ideas in a single paragraph. In one place you talk about music and in another you talk about movies.


I also like to travel a lot,I have been to
Italy,Belgium,Amsterdam,Spain,England and I would love yo go to Japan,one of my goals is to be able to experience as many cultures as I can,to find out why these people think differently than these ones.All these questions that experts have yet to answer

You need a period between "... a lot" and "I have ..."
You need a period between "... Japan" and "one ..."
"... why these people think differently than these ones." is terribly confusing.
"All these questions that experts have yet to answer." is a phrase, not a sentence.
Again, you need to related where you have been, your enjoyment of travel and what you hope to accomplish if you are going to put them all in the same paragraph.


I am looking for a woman who has common interests and who is goal oriented,active, who knows when to have fun and when to be serious. A woman who likes to go out and have fun but who also enjoys spending some time at home,just watching a movie or playing games ( board games or video games),who is fun to be around and who makes me laugh.A woman who is interested in the pursuit for knowledge who is looking to learn more. Someone who I can hold a conversation with or have a debate

You need a comma between "... to be serious" and "A woman who likes ..." because you have a list here, not the end of a sentence.
You need a comma between "... makes me laugh" and "A woman who ..." because you have a list here, not the end of a sentence.
You need a comma between "... to learn more" and "Someone who I can ..." because you have a list here, not the end of a sentence.
"Someone who I can ..." should be "Someone with whom..."
You need a period after "...debate".

Your profile is your sales pitch, so to speak. Your profile is to the person you hope to attract what a commercial for an automobile is to a car buyer. As such, it absolutely must be as error free as you can make it. Failing to clarify any aspect of your profile is the as injurious to your reputation as a new car manufacturer showing a car that has not been polished and has a flat tire.
If you really and truly want to "connect" with someone, start over and "inflate your tires" and "polish the paint."
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How to make this profile better
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:08:22 PM

Let us try this again,

My suggestion is to drop this sentence. It suggests that you are a failure and, after all, who wants to associate with failures.


I currently reside in Nicaragua. I am an ex-Washingtonian. I work as a Non-profit fund raiser for a small NGO called Christ for the Poor. I am non-religious but I never my morals get in the way of doing the right thing. I am looking for email chat and friendship.

This is just a list of things in paragraph form. As such, it is difficult to relate to your personality. My suggestion is that you take each of these sentences and amplify them: tell your reader why and how you got to Nicaragua from Washington.

Tell your reader why you work as a Non-profit fund raiser for a small NGO called Christ for the Poor. If you don't, they will draw their own conclusion and that conclusion may be totally in error or, in a worst case scenario, give the reader the wrong impression of you.

The sentence, "I am non-religious ... the right thing." has me completely and totally baffled. I am sure you know what you wanted to say, but you must assure yourself that your reader does. Therefore, my suggestion is that you start a new paragraph with that sentence and then elaborate on it.

The sentence "I am looking for email chat and friendship." Tells me that you are not willing to go beyond chatting and friendship. It is a very good idea to tell the gals who read your profile that you are not looking for a long term relationship so that they don't expect more than friendship and if they are disappointed, that is their problem, not yours.

As a former chess player I am somewhat familiar with chess openings. I doubt that most of the ladies here would know what a gambit is, or would take the time and trouble to look it up. If you want to indicate that you would like to get to know a woman by playing chess, just say so.

From one nerd to another
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please review
Posted: 1/9/2009 7:47:14 PM
I'd not use the picture of you with the other man because you are in the background. I prefer to see the profile generator in front of others, rather than in the background.


At night I'm usually found either folding laundry and reading bedtime stories to my son or at a good friends house grilling and telling funny stories over a couple of Coronas.
This paragraph is excellent except for the fact that you need a comma between "... house" and "grilling ..." Without the comma the sentence is hard to read.

Your profile might be better if you put in another paragraph or two about yourself. For example, a reader might want to know if you were on the yearbook staff in your high school or if the planes you rebuilt received awards. Your pride in your accomplishments is not bragging unless you overdo it.

Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I'm ready... waiting...
Posted: 1/9/2009 7:36:23 PM
For starters, get rid of that horrible header. It suggests gross immaturity on your part and is totally out of syncronization with the balance of the profile (which in my not to humble oppinion is pretty darned good).


For starters I'll get the obligatory "I like to go for drinks, and also dvd's on the couch" sentence out of the way... now onto the real stuff...

This does not contribute to your profile. It makes your profile sound like a chore, rather than an advertisement which discusses your merits.


Its always great to meet a new friend, and thats why I'm here. I have a career I love that is different every day, challenges me and lets me meet some interesting people all over Canberra.

This is an excellent statement. Its difficulty is that it is in the same paragraph as those I've quoted below. Putting a paragraph break here will improve the readability.


I've travelled a bit, and plan to do a lot more.

Amplify this quotation a bit. You started to say something here and then suddenly dropped it. Indicating where you have been and where you would like to / plan to go would be interesting to a reader. You might also indicate why you would like to/plan to go to the places you have indicated.


Why am I here? To meet some totally new, random friends to share some new adventures with, live life a little, and see what else happens on the way.

This is implied by the first sentence in the paragraph and appears to me to be redundant.


I like people who like themselves. People who go for what they want, without complaining about the things they don't have. I find self confidence the most attractive element of anyone. A cheeky smile helps too!

I really like what you have said in this quotation.


I actually enjoy cooking. I love to try new things
,
Up to here, what you have said is very good. I'd put "and" between "... cooking" and "I love ..."


and I get bored easily.

Would you want to spend time with someone who gets bored? I wouldn't. There fore my suggestion is DROP IT.


My favourite movie is Anchorman.

OK so far, but tell your reader why you like Anchorman. The reason you like Anchorman reflects your personality. Simply saying that you like Anchorman does not.

I sing when I'm drunk, slow drivers annoy the hell out of me and

That may be true, but its suggestion is all wrong for a promotional profile. "Letting it all hang out," so to speak gives people the wrong impression of you. It suggests that you are impatient and, after all, who wants to be with a guy who loses his temper (gets road rage) when he is held up a bit by a slow driver.

I love it when a song you haven't heard for ages comes on the radio.

I think you were trying to say, "I love it when a song [bold]I[/bold] haven't heard for ages comes on the radio." This is a trivial point, but it suggests that you have not carefully reviewed your profile.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
New Year.....New Profile?
Posted: 1/9/2009 7:15:25 PM
As XV pointed out you need to say more about yourself. There are a number of suggestions in the tips at the top of the page (in green). They are really good in what should/should not be on a profile.

Frequently, the people asking for a review of their profile are asking the wrong question and consequently getting the wrong advice. Having a good profile does not guarantee responses from a member of the opposite sex any more than Coke's having a good ad for Super Bowl increases the number of people who drink Coke. Thus, I'm going to suggest that you supplement your profile by YOUR INITIATING mail with those whom you would like to meet based on their profile at PoF and ask them to look at your profile so they can get a better idea of who you are.

Finding the right way to start is sometimes difficult, therefore let me suggest sending one of these to someone you would like to meet.
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did last week?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did last week?
Once they contact you you can ask them to look at your profile, updated in the manner suggested elsewhere in these evaluations.
I wish you the best.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Profile Review Please
Posted: 1/9/2009 7:03:28 PM
My feelings are the same as XV's concerning your profile so I won't repeat them.

I think you are getting advice on the basis of your statement but have asked us the wrong question. My guess is that you want to know why you have not received a large number of responses to your profile. If my guess is correct, you are asking "why," let me say that there are many reasons.
1) there are many women who consider you geographically challenged - you live too far away.
2) there are many women who consider you chronologically challenged - you are too old or too young.
If you are not getting the number of reactions to your profile that you would like to get, try this:
INITIATE mail with those whom you would like to meet based on their profile at PoF and ask them to look at your profile so they can get a better idea of who you are.
Now then, many of the folks here on PoF, have no idea how to do this. You may be one of them so consider sending one of these to someone you would like to meet.
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did last week?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did last week?
I wish you the best.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Profile review and a question about looking much younger.
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:52:10 PM
As XV pointed out the first paragraph is not a good way to start. The rest of the profile looks good to me.
There is a saying which goes something like, if the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain.
My suggestion is that you INITIATE mail with those whom you would like to meet based on their profile at PoF and ask them to look at your profile so they can get a better idea of who you are.

Here starters you might want to try in order to begin communicating with the person you would like to meet. Just send one of these to someone you would like to meet.

Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did last week?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did last week?

I wish you the best.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile review and a question about looking much younger.
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:50:58 PM
As XV pointed out the first paragraph is not a good way to start. The rest of the profile looks good to me.
There is a saying which goes something like, if the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain.
My suggestion is that you INITIATE mail with those whom you would like to meet based on their profile at PoF and ask them to look at your profile so they can get a better idea of who you are.

Here starters you might want to try in order to begin communicating with the person you would like to meet. Just send one of these to someone you would like to meet.

Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did last week?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did last week?

I wish you the best.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
My profile could use some help plz!!
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:42:30 PM
Your profile is rather short. Ideally it should be about 3 paragraphs.

My opinion of the profile's content, other than its length, is that it is good, but terribly generic. If you look at the profiles of some of the other guys on PoF you will find that you have said the same things as the others but have used different words.

You have not indicated how long you have been on PoF or how many posts to the ladies you have made. My experience has been that it takes many emails to get just a few responses.

It is possible that the things you have said in your contacts were acceptable, but the way you said them were unacceptable. Conversely, it is possible that the things you have said in your contacts were unacceptable, but the way you said them were acceptable. Without knowing what was said, or how it was said, it is hard for me to evaluate the problem.

Read the tips at the top of the page (in green). They are really good in what should/should not be on a profile.

You say you have contacted a number of ladies. It is very likely that only the ones who live near you will respond. Most folks don't like to be geographically challenged.

I wish you all the bestest.
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
wacky soh
Posted: 1/9/2009 2:52:19 PM
Your profile is only OK. Most of the terms you have used in describing yourself are generic; kind, concerned etc. They don't set you apart from others here on PoF.
My suggestion is, flesh them out. If you are kind, give an example or two or possibly a definition of what [bold]you [/bold] mean by kind. For example, one kind person might work for the Red Cross whereas another kind person may give money to charities. (If you need more suggestions, click on my link.)
Now then, if you don't get the response you would like to have, try sending one of these to someone you would like to meet.

Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did last week?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did last week?
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
I'm an adult, I can handle it
Posted: 1/9/2009 2:42:41 PM
In my opinion, your profile is fine.

I suspect that you will get lots of "hits," but if you don't from someone you would like to meet, try this approach.

Send him one of these:
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did last week?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did last week?
When he responds, you can then exchange e-mail and take it from there.

Bestest
Leib
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
ok rewrite done please advice
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:01:37 PM

Well well well here we go again...

Drop this. It suggests you failed the first time and there is no reason to point that out.

Hi I was born in Hamilton,Ontario;but raised in Portugal. Found out i have dual citizenships...so what you ask? hehe DOUBLE THE PRIDE!!!!!! lol

So yeah I'm currenly working on establishing my career as an hvac technician. Yeah I got a long ways to go but I'm committed. Getting my first liscence was hard enough so it's not like I'm about to slouch. Lots of training and man hours involved. That's ok though,over the years i developed a can do anything attitude....well within limits...yu'll never see me attempting a triple bypass surgery. hehe


I think what you have said about yourself is great so let me just remark on the English.
Saying, "So yeah," is a bad way to lead into a paragraph.
Replace "hvac" with "HVAC" because it is an abbreviation. Better yet, rather than leaving your reader guessing what HVAC is describe it as a student learning heating, air conditioning and ventiallation.
Saying, "Yeah I got a long ways to go..." is not only bad English but is a bad way to lead into a sentence. A better way to express the same idea would be to simply say, "I have a long way to go to get my certification ..."
"Lots of training and man hours involved" is not a sentence, it is a phrase. Make a sentence by saying something like, "It takes a lot of ... to become certified."
Change "i" to "I."
Change "yu'll" to "you'll."


When I'm not pursuing my career, I chat online...I find that I gain alot from speaking to different people of culture and background. If i'm not chatting, I'm reading online articles or news. And I won't lie...gotta love those games too :)
I also like to watch tv. Leafs games,wrestling,certain comedic and dramatic sitcoms;
simpsons,house,knightrider,and again I won't lie, I love cartoons. :p
If i really wanna stretch out and relax i'll watch a movie. Comedies, dramas, action;
yeah thats my thing.Also been into horror lately, guess i like to practice being brave lol.

Once again, my opinion of the way you have expressed yourself is excellent and once again my comments will address the English.
An elipsis (three dots) is used where things were omitted.
Change "alot" to "a lot." Put a space between the "a" and "lot."
Change "If i'm not chatting..." to "If I'm not chatting..."
You need to indicate the games to which you refer. Are you referring to baseball, hockey or curling?
Change "tv" to "TV."
"Leafs games,wrestling,certain comedic and dramatic sitcoms;
simpsons,house,knightrider,and again I won't lie, I love cartoons. :p" is not a complete sentence, it is a phrase.
":p" is sticking your tongue out. Because of the nature of this software we get to see ":p." If we had other software, you would see a smilie with its tongue out.
Change "i" to "I" and i'll to "I'll"
I have no suggestion for correcting "Comedies, dramas, action;" The entire sentence needs to be rewritten.
I have no suggestion for correcting "Also been into horror lately, guess ..." The entire sentence needs to be rewritten.


Recently i have been missing playing my piano keyboard.so I decided I want to get back into it. My life has always been musically inclined...and no i'm not talking about karaoke. What i'm talking about was a a good 10 years on my churches worship team. Fun times for me, so no suprise i miss those days. But hey always potential for a comeback.

Change "i" to "I" and "i'm" to "I'm."
Change the period after keyboard to a comma because you have one thought going, not two.
You need a comma after "and no."
The sentence from "What I'm talking," to "... for a comeback" confuses me to the point where I am not able to suggest making a correction without rewriting the sentences. Therefor, my suggestion is to rewrite the sentences keeping in mind that the reader won't take the time or trouble to try to understand it.


I also work out ..but have been slacking in the winter. haha
Anyways I'm a fairly active guy and wanna be even more active then i currently am.
Street hockey on sundays with my friends is my passion....so I've always had thoughts of joining a ball hockey league. Why not ice hockey...lets just say my first time ice skating brings up sour memories...and a bruised bottom :S


Remove the elipsis (...). It is incorrect.
Drop the "haha" or explain why slacking out in winter is funny.
"Anyways" is a bad lead into the sentence, but if you are going to use it, follow it with a comma.
Replace "wanna" with "want to." Your profile is a formal document and colloquialisms detract from it.
Change "i" to "I" and "i'm" to "I'm."
Either change the elipsis following the word "passion" to a comma or leave it out.
Change the elipsis following "hockey" to a question mark (?) and drop the "so."
Until now, my suggestion has been to drop elipses. The elipsis following "memories" is correct. It indicates that there are other things that your first time onice brought up and that you don't want to list them or describe them.
I have no idea what ":S" is. Because of the nature of this software we get to see ":S." If we had other software, you would see a smilie of some sort.


When I go out anything is good to go. Yeah that's right try me! I'll have fun doing anything. ;0) I guess what I'm really saying here is i would like people to open me up to new things. Life is an adventure right :)

If I understand this quotation correctly, you are saying that you want someone to entertain you. That is good but should be stated differently, but I don't want to tell you what to say because my statements will reflect my personality rather than yours.


So as for me, I like to make my friends laugh, yeah nothing better than helping them forget about there troubles or trials; or just simply enjoy themselves. On the same note i'm also a good listener....and I'm never to judgemental or close minded when opinions are needed; or advice for that matter. So yeah please no Dr.Phil jokes :P

Your first sentence should end with the word "laugh." The second should start with, "There is nothing" not "yeah."
Change the semicolon (;) after trials to a comma.
Change "i'm" to "I'm."
Drop the elipsis after "listener."
Change "close minded" to "closed minded."


Ok, in a lady I may be interested in, first off she must have a sense of humor. Whether it be laughing at me or making her own jokes. Ideally i would also like her to be caring, family oriented, have a good head on her shoulders,semi-dependant, trustworthy,affectionate,and generally a happy girl. If she has a bad day though, that's allright to, as long as she doesn't close herself off.

"Whether it be ... her own jokes" is a phrase. My impression is that you wanted it to be a part of the previous sentence. Thus the sentence becomes, ""I am interested in finding a lady who has a sense of humor whether it be laughing at me or making her own jokes."


I like european girls(points if your portuguese or italian).I have a thing for dark hair too; but readheads and brunnettes also attract me. She must take care of herself; but i also like a girl with curves. As for anything else you can ask....I'll be happy to answer.

European, Portuguese and Italian must be capitalized as they are proper nouns.
"too;" is confusing. Drop it. The sentence is fine without it.
I don't see the incompatibility between a gal taking care of herself and having curves. I think you are trying to say "... take care of herself and I also..."
As for anything else should start a new paragraph.
Change the elipsis to "and"
Leib

Your "Ok, in a lady I may be interested in, first off she must have ... " is clutsy. I think you are trying to say, "I am interested in finding a lady who has a sense of humor." If you are trying to say "I am interested in finding a lady who has a sense of humor," just say it.
 leib ben yitshak
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please comment on my thread
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:54:36 PM

After leaving this site I've decided to come back and give it another go! No freaks though this time please!!

This quotation has two things wrong with it. First, you have told the reader that you have failed to make a "connection" the first time around. In other words, you are saying you are a loser. DUMP THAT PART OF YOUR PROFILE.
Next, it is unlikely that any guy would consider himself a loser. (I'll tell you how to get around that problem at the bottom of this review.)


Looking for someone to make me laugh, to have fun with. Someone to talk to and just be there. I prefer men older and men taller than me. I don't like skinny men either! Much rather have a man I can cuddle up to! I want to meet a nice man that's looking for a nice girl. A guy who is different from the rest. I don't believe in cheating and I hate liars!I am the type of person that needs a lot of attention! Because I give a lot in return!

Except for the physical attributes and "Much rather ..." your criteria for an acceptable relationship are the same ones every other lady on PoF and every other dating service
(Again I'll tell you how to get around that problem at the bottom of this review.)


I am a single mum to a gorgeous little girl Who's 5 months old, she's my world and I love spending my time with her. she's stunning :) xx

Save this until you start exchanging mail with someone.


I'm not just looking for a relationship, but also for friends. Ones that aren't going to disapere off the face of the earth because I now have a baby! x

First change "disapere" to "disappear."
Repeating the fact that you have a baby suggests, to me, that your child will have a higher priority than your relationship. I don't know what to suggest other than to see what other reviewers, particularly those with children, have to say.


I would also be mega impressed if any man knew what I meant by trying to find my Gerry!! xx

I guess you are not impressed with me.
Earlier I indicated that I would suggest a way to get around your objections. Here it is.
First, INITIATE mail with those whom you would like to meet based on their profile at PoF and ask them to look at your profile so they can get a better idea of who you are. When they respond, you can decide to further your relationship or terminate it based on your criteria.
Having said that, it becomes incumbent upon me to tell you how to initiate the mail in a neutral way.
Here starters you might want to try in order to begin communicating with the person you would like to meet. Just send ONE of these to someone you would like to meet.
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most important thing you did last week?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did yesterday?
Your profile caught my eye. What is the most interesting thing you did last week?
Leib
 
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