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 Author Thread: How do you feel about this?
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
How do you feel about this?
Posted: 11/23/2009 6:59:27 PM
I have met guys like this, too. They tend to be very self-absorbed and more interested in talking about themselves than engaging me in a conversation. I find them painfully boring.

Next!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What is LOVE?
Posted: 11/23/2009 6:55:47 PM

Where are the vomit emocicons?


That's my personal favorite.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 220 (view)
 
Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw
Posted: 11/23/2009 8:28:01 AM
You may be right about "the issues don't change" thing but I know when I have sex too early, I lose my perception of what's important to me. This may go nowhere! Time will tell...thanks!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 218 (view)
 
Oh, its to soon to have sex... yah, blah, blah, blaw
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:19:29 AM
My oh my! What a dark turn this thread has taken! I haven't read it since the first page.

Here's one for ya: I met a guy about 8 years ago shortly after my divorce. We met at a cafe not far from my apartment. He was so incredibly good looking and the chemistry was so electric, I ended up sleeping with him shortly after I met him! I actually took him home and did him that same day! (SLUT! LOL) We saw each other a few more times but then it fizzled out and I got in a long-term relationship with another guy and never heard from him again.

Fast forward to a couple days ago. I saw him ON HERE!!! LOL. I sent him a note asking if he remembered me. I look WAY different now. He needed some hints and then he did. Very funny stuff. We have talked on the phone for several hours and plan on meeting in person soon. I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH HIM RIGHT AWAY AGAIN!!! And he is still as hot as ever. I want to see if there is more to this than sex. I have grown up and don't throw myself around any more. He may have good relationship stuff and he may not. Sex definitely clouded my perception the first time around and I won't let it happen again....
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
when someone of age hasnt had a relationship
Posted: 11/23/2009 6:40:42 AM
What if you joined a club near your home of something you are interested in? Build friendships in a more laid back setting? Try Meetup.com. It seems to me the Internet could be deadly to someone like you and make things worse. It can be brutal to those with experience!

Maybe try counseling for awhile to work through your fears and have some support in trying new things? You gotta start small and build your confidence as you go...
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Would like your opinion
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:39:17 PM
There may be another reason but you will most-likely never know what it is. This is that 'risking your heart for love' thing that sucks so much. All the questions that spin around in your mind are so frustrating becasue all you can do is make up possible stories that probably aren't even true. You just can't know why. Let go, grieve, write in your journal and go buy some Ben and Jerry's.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would like your opinion
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:26:12 PM
Wow...I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like you two had a good thing going. Sometimes you just can't figure out why someone acts or feels the way they do. And there really isn't much you can do but respect his feelings and back off. The way you handle this may allow him to rethink his decision. You sound like a level-headed girl. Be respectful and supportive of him, take care of yourself, let go of the outcome...he might realize what a good thing he's got.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
ok
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:15:07 PM
Yikes. Sounds like you two deserve each other. You've gotten some kickass feedback already. I keep wondering what were you hoping to get from posting this...unless you secretly wanted your ass kicked? Girlfriends are a better place to vent stupid stories containing stupid boyfriends and stupid immature choices by you.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is it common to be bothered by this
Posted: 11/22/2009 7:45:29 AM
^^^^Yep. What they said. Back up and let him make the next move. If he doesn't then you know how he feels. No contact = no interest. It sucks but it's dating!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
met my 1st psycho ( might belong in the humor section)(Long read)
Posted: 11/22/2009 7:24:42 AM
Happily Ever...maybe:
Back to your crazy woman though...why in the hell did you go out with this woman a third time, and why did you engage in a drinking marathon with her!? Especially after you had already established that she wasn't real compatible with you.


I think he had her cheeks in mind and what he might want to do with them.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
met my 1st psycho ( might belong in the humor section)(Long read)
Posted: 11/21/2009 9:14:45 PM
LOL...thanks for sharing your funny story. There is something common among alcoholics...the more they drink, the uglier they get...you made it out alive anyway!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:11:11 AM
^^^^^^^^^ Touche!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
WTH was he thinking?
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:49:04 AM
overthirtyisgood
Is this a pitty thread or what? he was seeing if you would put out to him or not he didnt want you to waste his time, your just someone he meet over the net he had nothing to loose simple as that, if you were someone he meet in the real world he may not of been so sleezie, are you offended that all that he wanted from you was sex if you are move on if your not then im so dumbfounded that anyone could post such a rediculous topic.


I thought to myself, "What kind of jerk has a response like this?" then I read your profile and it all made perfect sense.

OP: Just be happy he showed who he really was before you actually met him. It could have been a much uglier story!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Realizing ALOT!
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:23:09 AM
The Internet really is the best school of personal growth there is! When you first begin, it's overwhelming and you want to meet everyone because they all seem so wonderful. You meet a few who are not what you thought and your attitude begins to change. Keep working on yourself, improving, getting clearer about what you want then you become more selective and only meet the ones who really do it for you.

It needs to be not what they want so much but more about what YOU want. The better you feel about yourself, the easier this gets. If you meet someone who seems like someone you'd like to know more, then take a step in knowing more. Remain in control of yourself knowing if you don't, you will crash and burn. Stay aware and in the moment. Don't assume anything. One step at a time. Does he deserve your trust? You can't know this at first. If you don't put too much out there at once, you keep from crashing. It's a process. It's your game...don't let him run you.

The books suggested above are a great source of information, too! You can do it!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Have you ever decided against messaging someone because of uncertainty about racial requirements?
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:24:41 PM
I don't have any racial requirements but have been contacted a couple of times by black men who won't date black women. I find that interesting...
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:11:07 PM
^^^^^^^LOL. Thanks for the laughs! (I still haven't gotten an answer to my question about hamsters/gerbils upthebutt.)
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Would a person who suffered a brain injury be a turn off for you?
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:21:30 PM
I would like to think I'm magnanimous and have the ability to develop a relationship like you suggest, but the reality is, I don't. If I had an amazing relationship and something happened to my love, that would be another story completely.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:14:21 PM
rickeyes58:
Well , look at the bright side.
He went quicker and nicer , than he would have
If Elton john or Richard Gere got a hold of him !


Is Richard Gere gay? Can anyone explain the interest in having a hamster up your ass? (I always thought it was gerbils but didn't understand that either)
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
men and emotional maturity
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:41:01 PM
I once had a hamster (Marvin) who ran freely around my bedroom when I was a little girl. I took the heat vent cover off to let more heat in the room (I know that doesn't work but I was 8!) and he scampered down the vent and filled the house with toasted hamster scent for 2 weeks. I still miss him!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
When should I move on?
Posted: 11/18/2009 8:10:47 PM
I am so curious about people who vote to delete threads where someone is really struggling and looking for help. Why is this thread being called a "Troll post/pity thread"? If this woman doesn't need some suggestions and support, then who does? It seems to me she is in desperate need of ideas and some form of human contact. Sheesh. The heartlessness of it all...

My .02 worth: You need to go slow for yourself and your kids. Make friendships where you can and work at building yourself back up. Dating is the last thing you need. I agree that finding a therapist would be a great way to begin putting the pieces back together...
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
I am breaking up with BF Today! Had ENOUGH
Posted: 11/18/2009 8:51:49 AM
You've gotten some great advice. Are you ready to make the move? I know what's it's like to have a man like this. It's horrible. My ex-bf would give me the silent treatment that lasted for DAYS (and we lived together!). That is described as stonewalling/emotional abuse. He cannot handle his own feelings and has no clue how to handle yours so he shuts all communication down to keep from feeling out of control. When he is silent and hurting you, he is in control. Very immature.

This really isn't about him at this point. It's about what you feel you deserve. He gives you crumbs from his table and you accept them, begging for a few more. Pitiful, isn't it? You seem like a fabulous woman who hasn't realized that yet. If not now, when?
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Breaking a Date...By Text Message
Posted: 11/17/2009 11:51:55 AM
You don't have text messaging? Time to join 2009. It's probably not the most polite way to cancel a date but at least it's communication. I've done it.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Guys, Ready for the Christmas favorites rush?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:55:41 AM
Well...at least you're getting SOME mail even if it's during the "Gottafindmeaman" times. Most guys who write on here whine about how they don't get ANY!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What Would You Do? Trying to Make sense of the Ex Factor...
Posted: 11/13/2009 8:09:27 PM
I would write a note to him straight from the heart and then let go of your attachment to his response. He will either be open to it or not. Whatever his response would determine whether you have a chance with him or not. If not then let go of him completely and move on.

...the worst he can say is, "No, thanks".
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE?
Posted: 11/13/2009 4:39:54 PM
^^^^ I agree with this "Internet mentality". I think you have to have been on here doing this long enough that you realize it's not really that way...it just seems that way. Sheer numbers don't mean there are unlimited really great "connections". Most are not. When you find someone fabulous like the OP thought she did, it's pretty heart wrenching to think he's not what you thought he was...

OP: I can understand why you would be hurt. No matter what his purpose for being on here, it doesn't seem like an honorable one especially if he's not into the forums. He may just have a few friends he keeps in touch with OR he may be doing what you suspect he's doing. I guess the first thing is to to ask him and get clear about it before you decide where to go with it. Keep us updated!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Possible for a man to love two women at once?
Posted: 11/13/2009 7:55:23 AM
This could become a train wreck for you and chances are what you have now will not last. Relationships that begin like this are destined for failure. I did this once and will never do it again.

The best thing for you to do is pull your emotions out for a bit and take a look at what you have. He is not over her, which is completely normal. You are the rebound girl. He may or may not leave her in the end. You are collateral damage....the cushion to keep him from feeling sad and lonely as he goes through his divorce. He may have written the letters as a way to "purge" his feelings with no intention of giving them to her but then again, they may be the rough draft and she got the final version.

You need to protect your heart. Consider telling him you need to take a break until his divorce is final and he has a chance to work through all the garbage he has. This is your best chance of having a future with him. Otherwise, you will be drug through his drama and it will pollute what you have with him. Polluted relationships can only become more polluted.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Friend can be an Embarrassment
Posted: 11/13/2009 7:44:58 AM
Be very direct, kind and honest. I would sit my friend down and tell him what you told us. "I'm thinking of having a party and I'm considering not inviting you because I can't trust you to be appropriate around my friends and family. That's not my first choice, but I don't want to have to worry about what may or may not come out of your mouth. You haven't really taken me seriously when I've told you this in the past but I want you to know this is a big deal to me..."

Let his response to that be what makes your decision. If he laughs it off again, don't invite him. If he gets it and promises to behave, let him know you are holding him to his word and if he blows it, this will be his last chance.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Female hair loss
Posted: 11/12/2009 7:10:01 PM
I have worked with many women who suffer from hair loss. Try this:

http://www.hairdirect.com/

If nothing else it will give you lots of information on this subject.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Sending RL Guys to Online Profile
Posted: 11/12/2009 6:43:02 PM
OP:
I like my profile. It states exactly what I want and how I want it.
But the responses on POF have very few to non-existent. I think my profile might be a little too specific so many people feel they probably won't fit.


Yes...specific and harsh. You look like you kick ass and take names. After reading your profile I can see why you aren't getting many responses. It's not very inviting. I understand wanting to sift out the riff-raff but the odds of anyone making it through your gauntlet are few to none in my opinion. I'm not getting the warm-fuzzies here!

I most definitely would never send anyone from real life to my online profile. Ever. That's just lazy. If you like them enough to want to get to know them better...spend some time finding out face to face.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Chemistry/Attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 9:02:35 PM
I may not know "instantly", although physical attraction is HUGE. If they have a fun, witty, charismatic personality, it might win me over for a secone date. I have to want to kiss him or it won't go further. Period. I tried being less superficial but it just didn't work for me!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Addicted
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:06:01 PM
bwana217:

You should kill him. When the first photon from your picture impinged upon your eye, he should have immediately severed his testicles, had them bronzed, and served them up to you on a silver salver.


OK...can you please tell me what a "silver salver" is? This sounds like it might be really good advice if I could only get that
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:31:24 AM
I have a girlfriend who is beautiful, independant, smart, successful and doesn't care whether she has a man or not...in fact, she prefers to not have one because they clog up her life in one way or another. When she HAS been in a relationship, the guys always say:

"You don't NEED anything from me, do you?" It seems to make them feel insecure and unwanted. Many on this thread have made the point that men like to feel needed...that must be why they choose the ones who seem unhealthy and needy. Makes sense to me!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 94 (view)
 
What do you make of this? Is this BPD?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:10:40 PM
OP:
Maybe after time he will see a need to do things differently because he has someone in his life. Maybe not ... I don't know. I am also not stupid. I will not allow someone to treat me badly for a long time. I have the strength to leave if (after I have given him a period of time) he shows that he has no desire to make any changes for the sake of the relationship.


Oh no! You aren't hoping he'll change, are you???? I once had a therapist ask me this question about my alcoholic jackass of an ex-husband,

"If he NEVER changes, could you live with things just the way they are?"

(Hint, hint...he will never change!)
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 154 (view)
 
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:53:12 PM
lookingfordeesright1:
Adventurousme57: Thank you for your insight Sweetie! I am very happy that you are so confident in yourself. And you are a very attractive woman. I agree that lack of self acceptance does come through loud and clear ... as I've said "I" obviously am not blessed with your wonderful self esteem. I do however try very hard not to make others feel badly about themselves in an effort to boost make myself look or feel better.


You are missing the point. This is about you explaining why you lie about your age. You are accountable and clear that the reason you have done it is because you lack self-esteem. That's a good thing! Most people just defend themselves without taking a look at why they do it. I'm sure you are a lovely person but you really can't become her until you see it in yourself first.

You would laugh if you could see what I looked like 15 years ago. I was a mess in every area. I have evolved to who I am today through gut-wrenching blood, sweat and tears, literally. I made a soul-altering commitment to making my life fabulous. I wasn't born this way.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 133 (view)
 
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:43:19 AM
OnMyOwn4:
So when he shows up and he is not quite pushing 5'6 .... it's not the lie, it the fact that ""call me shallow"" but I wouldn't have met such a short man right at the beginning.


Don't let it get to you when people call you shallow when you are making a choice. It's really no different than having preferences for anything else in life. It's just that it involves a person so it's a little more personal. I know I'm not for everyone and that's fine with me.

afashionlady:
I think I'll go look in the mirror before I leave for work one more time. Damn if 46 don't look good!


You GO with your badass self, Girl! I love it!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 117 (view)
 
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:49:33 PM
lookingfordeesright1:
You women, and yes it's mostly women, who are so critical of us 'liars'...I can't wait until you turn 30 or 40 or 50! It's so much easier to condemn a person when you haven't experienced it.


I'm almost 52, Sweetie. I am 100% authentically ME. If some guy isn't interested in me because of my age then I'm happy I don't have to deal with him. When you learn to love and accept yourself fully for who you are, others will be attracted to that. Lack of self acceptance comes through loud and clear...to me anyway.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 110 (view)
 
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:33:13 PM
^^^^I'll bet you a nickel you lied in your profile.

Edit: I just read your profile. I just lost the nickel, didn't I?
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 106 (view)
 
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:35:13 PM
I'm shocked at how many people approve of this guy lying about his age. Why on Earth would that be OK? It's not just about deceiving other people, it's about that person's integrity and their own lack of acceptance in themselves.

I am disgusted by men who lie about their age (or anything else). I have no respect for them and would not date a man who did this. Maybe I'm being harsh, but age in itself is not nearly as important to me as how well a person lives their life, how well they take care of themselves and how much honor and integrity they have...
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Should I just let it go??
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:22:14 PM

Well for one, now you know what he was doing for those few months he was gone. (date another girl and telling her the same thing)
Then it was your turn for a few months.


I have to agree with The Rock on this one. He's playing the field while you are dreaming of your wedding dress and how many children you will have together. He's obviously got action going in the next field over...sorry!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Does it change
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:18:26 PM
I heard it said that before sex happens in a relationship, the woman is clear thinking and the man is not. After sex happens...the man is clear thinking and the woman is not.

Imagine that!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Past financial debt torn us apart
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:50:36 AM
How did you find out about it? Sounds like he's all smoke and mirrors and it's about to come crashing down on him (and you if you choose to continue with him). My biggest concern would be the fact that he's not living honestly. Time for a discussion?
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Too small for a condom !?! Then What???
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:46:30 PM
Wow...that is a sad story! I have no answer. BTW Pedro...the pill won't protect her from diseases.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How to make a girl feel special?
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:00:58 PM
Oh! I love those country boys! You shouldn't have any problems finding a nice girl to date. Make yourself known and they'll be flocking. You are adorable.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
TwinFlame Vs Soulmates
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:02:49 AM
When a soul is created, there are actually two souls at once, male and female which are then separated. This "other" is your "Twin Flame" and there is only one of them unlike a "soul mate" where you can have many. This creates a longing in each of us to find our "other half" on a soul level. I know it seems a little "woo woo", but when I saw the video below, it touched me on a very deep level and it felt very true. Watch this video...it's beautiful!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sn6qkqvTF_o
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Age 50 - The Kiss of Death?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:14:54 PM

And you become invisible at 52-53.


Uh oh. I better prepare myself. I'm about to turn 52 in 2 weeks. Thanks for the warning!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 102 (view)
 
What someone does that really turn you off?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:34:47 AM
A big, wet, sloppy kiss.

 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are you available; or jus wasting my time
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:30:53 AM
I can't figure out why you would want to have sex with a man who is obviously a turn-off? Yuk. Just after a warm body? Have higher standards for yourself! Choices like that will only lead to drama, heartache and pitiful postings on here on how this guy broke your heart.

Go rescue a cat and find a new hobby!
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:21:13 AM
It sounds like she's packing a crate of emotional issues. To be involved with her on any level will probably be emotionally exhausting for you. If she's got you hooked enough to hang on...give it a go and see where it leads. Just know it's most likely going to crash and burn eventually. Hopefully, your heart won't need CPR...
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Trust and Autonomy in a relationship
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:14:53 PM
Interesting thought. At first I thought the two really don't go together as being "autonomous" involves being independent and self-governing without outside influences.

On second thought, I think it greatly assists me in trusting myself when I make a dating decision. I have a great deal of trust in my ability to make healthy choices for myself. When you have that level of "integrity" or trust in yourself, it makes it much easier to make smart choices in a partner.

"To thine own self be true..." means trusting your gut instinct.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:31:43 PM
You need to be more specific and give the actual details. This is too vague.
 
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