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elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You? Posted: 3/1/2009 12:01:58 PM
To Could.Be.All.Yours: You say in your post that other posters are being 'smug' and judgemental. I didn't see that or if I did, I don't remember comments as such. I think saying that people who go back to or accept their abuser back are no longer victims isn't being judgemental, it is a reality of fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, to not recognize the healthier path of love themselves more. There is more help out there than ever before, more acceptance of those who wish to better their lives. To stay on topic of Rhianna, I truly believe that if she goes back to this relationship, she will not only damage her esteem more, but also her career because why would anyone respect that action? Let Chris Brown throw his life down the toilet. Rhianna....has a choice not to, but rather be brave and respect herself. Many people would respect her if she through that 'love' down the drain rather than forgive. Forgiveness is a gift that doesn't always have to be given. Heck, she can still forgive him in her heart but not put her life in danger every again. I do think that people should be looking at the abuser rather than the victim. I hope to hell Rhianna isn't given the choice of whether this guy is prosecuted or not. I not understand why 'domestic' violence is sectioned off as a separate type of crime. Violence is violence. I hope someone with know how can answer that for me as it has always boggled my mind as a 'category'. He is now exposed world-wide as a scum bag and I hope if anything this inspires change where it is needed. That is the only good that comes from 'celebreality" type of media. I have no qualms that is the price of overpaid people who race for fame to be flamed by fame. I do 'get" what you are saying about some people not understanding that they may be abused, but rather think this is how relationships are. That is sad and awful. Blatant physical abuse however is pretty recognizable by most people though except those who are severly mentally challenged (literally like orphans in Russia or young children in America for cripes sake), even you must admit, and sometimes if someone is so co-dependent or damaged that they don't want something different for themselves well...how can anyone fix that unless it gets exposed to others to help them if they don't seek it themselves and hide it? Children who are abused are not participants. Adults who are physically abused have much more power and opportunity to change what is happening in their life. That is not really what is being asked on this thread. I think there is a huge difference between children being abused and adults who stay in abusive relationships. That is the participation factor I am speaking of...to enable that person to keep abusing them. I am sure it is hard for some personality types to leave. I hope this thread empowers and inspires some of them. When you do read some women, like myself, who say NEVER....you gotta believe that there are these personality types as well. If I have a choice, unlike when I lived at home with a dysfunctional family...believe me...I exercise my choice because I know and learned from not having that choice before. I live my life so that I will never have to settle for that kind of treatment. I will never be stuck having to be in that kind of realationship because I've made damn sure to never feel that way, that I take care of myself, or if I had dependents that I would find a way with my community of friends or 'village' if you will and persist in being out and staying out of such an environment. Not everyone can do that I understand with such certainty as I or others who have said so in this thread. But all it does take is to reach out to someone somewhere for help....if you want it bad enough more than you 'need' the abuser. Welp that is my opinion. I thank you for sharing yours as well. Good thread.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

how soon should you have sex Posted: 3/1/2009 6:25:10 AM
I don't think it is a matter of having sex on the first date (lets be realistic..some people meet people just to have sex and not to find a committed relationship or hopefully at least common sense that most healthy relationships don't start this way)...but it is more of a SECURITY thing. I would NEVER go to some guy's house to meet him. EVER. I used to do some stupid things in my own place years back when new to all things internet and computer and how it opened up my world full-throttle and had no idea even on my own turf how STUPID I was being 'exploring myself' and how LUCKY I was nothing harmful ever came of it. I am SOOO glad I didn't have to learn my lesson the hard whay (WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!) ::whew:: look up lucky girl in the dictionary...that was me. Thankfully I have more maturity, and knowledge and less stupidity now. It is less about being consenting but more about keeping yourself safe from potential nut jobs who then have you trapped in their home...and your loved ones never finding you again. Lets face the facts that there is a higher percentage of it being male than the female of being a perpetrator. But then again, knowing where he lives is more identifable if you do managed to escape a harmful situation and need to have charges brought against him? Did I just defeat my own premise?

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Your favorite time and place to start sex by giving a mind blowing blow job? Posted: 3/1/2009 6:14:16 AM
nah...that is what half-time is for. Besides...I want him to enjoy the game if he is enjoying it. I might be too! I am not jealous of football. If he gives me attention I give him space. I don't think this is what the OP meant though. I think she just meant, what is the favorite UNEXPECTED time.(Although the subject line doesn't say so) If they work from home or if they are doing some reading or paying bills...being studeous (spellcheck)...I'd love to give them a coffee break they don't plan =)~ I wouldn't mind interrupting during a tv show at all...I just don't mess with them if it is a show or game they REALLY want to see. Commercials are great for the pre-show of what is to come. Also say, they are doing the dishes...reward time perhaps after dishes but before the pots? LOL Washing the car would do it too but I don't want to get arrested for lewd behavior in the neighborhood lol

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 145 (view)

Cum placement Posted: 3/1/2009 6:02:58 AM
I am just sitting here reading just the last few pages (I lack patience I guess to read longer threads)...and wondering why I am admant about a man ejaculating no where else other than my mouth or inside me. I don't want it in my face or on my skin. Messy and the face is demeaning. That is a deal breaker for me. Dunno why. I think it is facinating how much my personality plays in it but I guess that is what sexual preferences are all about. I dont think sex has to be 'making love" everytime either. But I have a clear line in the sand mentality about some things. I guess to me there is a respect thing and a mess thing to a point? hmm..Perhaps it is a because I have an assumption about when ejaculating on a woman's face is like "take that ****" and not a loving or just harmless as in not being harmful attitude but rather in sex "i am with you together in this" mentality that I enjoy more. Becoming objectified makes me feel like a thing rather than woman. I need ...An equal presense of mind. If he is cumming in my mouth it is because I am giving him something that I want him to be doing. Pleasuring him and wanting his response so intimately even if it is not a love relationship but a casual thing. But don't you dare inspire thoughts of disrespect or making me feel less of a warm human being or you are out of my bed. Those are my ponderings on the subject.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

how to DECREASE libido? Posted: 2/28/2009 6:37:47 PM
whytwater, Definately birth control pills messed with my libido hormones and I had no idea that it would decrease my libido thus being a double-acting way of not getting pregnant. LOL I was soooo in heaven when I was seeing a man who had a vasectomy and could get off those things and subsequently get off with him =). I miss him sooooo much ::sigh:: sex with him was sooo right. It wasn't wild or anything in particular...just fit me like a glove in so many ways mentally and physically. I digress...sorry...my libido must be in need of a decrease tonight...as I nearly picked up the phone to text him after reading Sex and Dating forum (NOT DOING IT). LOL OP...stop reading the Sex and Dating forum for one thing. Inspiration is counter-productive lol.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Would You Go Back To A Partner After They Emotionally and Physically Abused You? Posted: 2/28/2009 4:08:40 PM
never...because that is when you go from being a victim/survivor to being a partipant. I had to live with siblings who were abusive. When my mother died and we were adults...I was free to choose to not be a part of that any more. I don't have to. In a relationship of my choosing? A big hell no. I don't have to, why would I choose that again if it shows itself? When I am not having fun, I am learning something. I hate being a fool more than being alone. I do believe some people who can't break from something bad still have the 'relationship' chemicals flowing in their blood and can't handle the break of the HABIT of someone's attention in their life. I truly believe you have to respect someone to love them so it can't be that they respect the person as much...so it has to be the habit of someone, like how it feels when someone you love dies...having to live differently even day to day...THAT is what takes courage to face....it is NOT courageous to forgive someone who makes that agreegious (help me spell that) a choice to hit me or any one else. ......ever. It takes courage to buck the HABIT of that person BECAUSE of said betrayal of love. Going no contact can help break that addiction, new habits form, people lived a daily life before they ever met that person and they need to remember that. You can live without someone in your life. People do it everyday. It is the only way to get on with the rest of your life. Forward march. good thread.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

How fast is Too Fast? Posted: 2/28/2009 6:59:32 AM
I tried to delete my post..what you quoted was more about what she might become if she doesn't question this here and now and not go forward with this guy. You are very correct that I didn't word it in the manner of it intention...thus I deleted and apologize if offended anyone most importantly not wanting to attack but was incredulous. Hell yeah I know of which i speak...and sometimes I am passionate about it. YUP! my apologies to you and yours.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

How fast is Too Fast? Posted: 2/28/2009 6:44:01 AM
Cyrus, I deleted (trying to at least..at last look it is still on here) my original post because you are right...it is insulting because she probably won't really get what I meant. She needs to head dangers though or she will be on her way to co-dependent town right along with him especially if she wasn't completely scared away by all this. "youth"...28 is hardly wet behind your ears youth when it comes to seriousness of relationships and telling people you love them within a week.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

How fast is Too Fast? Posted: 2/28/2009 6:21:43 AM
PEACHGIRL2010 The love words have been exchanged and you've only known each other a week? Two wack jobs deserve each other. Co-dependent ANYONE? How can anyone take this seriously? Don't you know the difference between attention and infatuation and what real love is? You probably don't care as long as you get your feel goods. That is your problem, thankfully not mine. Whatever happens in this relationship is CLEARLY because of what you allow. YOU DON'T EVEN REAAAAAALLLY KNOW EACH OTHER YET. Christ on a bike! GET REAL. You'll have a much healthier life. These types of people (both of you) are so dangerous to people who live in the real world. Hopefully you'll only be a danger to yourselves. Now about my smackdown, that was to get your attention. Do you in your right mind think how he is being is healthy? Probably not or you wouldn't have written this post asking. GOTTA ASK for clarification here: Did you REALLY say "i love you' to him in exchange or did you mean to say he said it to you only. Either way...i still say...this is a very unhealthy start and screams mindscrew and or unstable person. Sorry for all you love at first site romantics. It isn't LOVE in the true sense but attraction when that happens. HUGE difference. I sooooo agree with the poster who asked questions about why he is talking about living together as to his own status currently. He sounds like the makings of a possessive time bomb too already wanting to jump into the 'girlfriend' tag and wanting you to meet his friends. He is defining himself by what he can have on his arm. There is a HUGE difference between wanting someone you care about to EVENTUALLY meet your friends and family and one who is wanting a girlfriend so bad he doesn't even take time to get to know you ...ya know...the dating part....first. slow the eff down indeed. You may lose him over wanting to do that because his EGO (which is showing huge here) which lacks a natural intelligence...won't GET that it is healthier and realistic to take this more slowly and not declare things for the sake of playing the game but rather really mean them. Love is a verb not a noun.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

wouldn't it be nice... Posted: 2/20/2009 4:17:14 AM
OP...I loved this description of what I yearn for. I have had to protect myself for a long time (more figuratively than literally). I agree that it is a primal instinct. I yearn to be a nurturer to someone who felt protective over me. (says so in my profile)...even if just in the figurative sense if there is nothing literally in harms way). I tow the line in every single part of my life mentally and I am soooooo tired some days from the load. I respond very much to the masculine and feminine sides of heterosexual relationships. Just as things can be so opposite you wonder why God made the genders so different as if we are suppose to not be compatible at ALL...then you remember the things that are different that fit together like a puzzle mentally. I find that I am never attracted to passive man (but not into neanderthals either or in a 'master to pet way') but rather a man who can be masculine with respect....wow...that is such a turn on. Just as much as a turn on as a man who can respond to my nurturing feminine side and respects and wants that too. Like I said I have to take care of everything in my life and I love it when I am in a situation where I can be allowed to be my woman to his man and all the primal instincts are there. ::sigh: =) thanks for the thoughts. PS to the poster who edits their post to nothing...you do have the option on POF to delete your post , the 'delete' button on the bottom of your own post. Marcus asks why you delete, you put a reason and it is gone poof. . Sometimes I've written something and decide its not necessary or I must be in a 'mood'.or I remember it sticks to my profile LOL ..I simply delete the whole thing.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Seeking someone who has never been married? Posted: 2/9/2009 4:11:40 AM
Footballmom you said in your later post that you are trying to adhere to your Catholic religion as far as divorcees go etc. My mother, a staunch Vatican I (one) Catholic, got an ANNULLMENT granted after 8 children 28 yrs of marriage when my father left after having an affair. They divorced in civil court and I guess (much to my surprise after her death to find the ANNULLMENT in the safety deposit box) that it was important to her as a catholic to do so. These silly acts to apease your religion can be done, if my mother can do it, so can any man you want to marry in the catholic church. For the record, she didn't do it so that she could remarry. My mother never dated again because in her eyes, it was death till you part and she wore her wedding rings until my father died. She didn't pine for him, she was just that faithful to her beliefs. (waste of time if you ask me but who am I to tell my mom what to believe if she was set on it). Talk to your priest about this since it is so important to you. I happen to know there is a loophole around anything if this was done for my mom's circumstance. Which, by the way, makes me think...how stupid it is to have such restrictions if a woman with 8 children and 28 yr old marriage can get an annulment just to have everything okiedokie in the eyes of a church. God is what matters . Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Are people TRULY this HEARTLESS? Posted: 2/8/2009 10:42:20 AM
ps. you are going to school to counsel people on exactly what is ailing you....have you learned nothing? Your profile and post here screams victim. After 5 years my dear...you are not a victim, you are a participant . You are not ignorant. Knowledge is power. Your weakness is your denial that the 'physician needs to heal thyself" in this situation. Rescuers will always be the "victim" (as they see it) until they stop rescueing others and focus on the less thrilling venture of rescueing themselves. Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

Are people TRULY this HEARTLESS? Posted: 2/8/2009 10:30:51 AM
Imperceptible: RUN to your local library or bookstore and get "Co-dependent No More" (I think that is what it is called). You need it girlfriend...you do. Reality is just a wish for you...you need to dive in that pool and swim in it. It will help your self-esteem immensely once you get over the shock of what you've allowed in your life to tear it down. I know you don't want to hear what is wrong with you but rather what is wrong from this Narcissist. But the book or others similar will spell that out to you as well and explain why (why why why) you allowed this for yourself. THAT will help the problem more than anything as we cannot control others. Yes, it is a shock that scum live among us. The best success for you is to recognize it now (yes your innocense is past in this..ignorance is now past)...now you know...and that was shocking but yup...they live among us. Now go out and find out how to never....ever....premit this in your life again by knowing how you attracted and permitted (and perhaps liked it before it got ugly) in the first place. Wisdom, Strength, and CLARITY wishes to you, Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

At what point............. Posted: 2/8/2009 10:08:22 AM
CarolAnn In your 2nd post you state that it is your living arrangements that is causing the change in frequency that you spend time together. Ask yourself this, seeing that it is not the man that is the obstacle to time but rather lack of time to be with each other because your children are under your care 24/7....that wouldn't change if you, for example, broke it off with this man for another. ...right? So your situation wouldn't change with someone else unless you dated and married another man within a few months (which I hope no woman would ever do). I suppose the bottom basement question is...would this man, after 3 years, move in with you or marry you so that you can have a closer relationship? Only he can answer that. Perhaps it is time to pose the situation to him, what has changed and what HE sees as a solution to it. Sounds like you love him. I always hope someone loves another back. Pose the situation to him "we are not able to spend time together because my children live with me and I don't want to have a boyfriend spending the night and leaving ..it is not right. What do you think we can do to spend more time together like we used to? I need that. Do you?' Are you happy with how things are or are you less engaged with me? We need to figure this out...I don't want to lose you but I don't want either of not getting our needs met or finding yourself questioning a relationship with me because of it. How is this working for you, do you have an ideas?" ...or something like that =)

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 72 (view)

Am i being played? please tell me im not :( Posted: 2/7/2009 6:47:32 PM
Kennyb43....I'd bet to say...fat chance on that happening! If she does take you back...I'd say she suffers more from low self esteem than being accused of being a ho. I have no idea what you mean by saying she 'would do anything to right the wrong'. I hope to hell she doesn't. helluva a manipulative post there Kenny....

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 72 (view)

ruining a relationship Posted: 2/6/2009 11:17:01 PM
Ok..I HAVE to ask lol what does "if you don't call me the cleaning lady is going to come" mean? Apparently I live under a rock and didn't get this euphamism memo during my duration. Is that a threat as in "if you don't contact me back I am going to come over and harm you?" (I hope folks chime in...I am soo curious!) If so...EGADS! I'd definately do the 'back away slowly " and never contact this person again. No one in their right mind would imply such a thing. Gary...you seem like a man who knows the deal. Don't give up searching because of unstable people..just keep yourself safe as you have been. You are no dummy.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Concerned Friends Posted: 2/5/2009 4:57:05 PM
unless there is a crime being committed, your friend will make good choices and mistakes just like the rest of us. You will too in life, some big and small, some good and bad. You can't live her life. You can be her friend but now that you all are growing into adulthood....welp...this is all that life lesson learnin' you heard about. If she expresses a problem to you or if you actually see that she is a perpetrator of criminal behavior, victim of some criminal and/or abusive behavior...it is her life now..she is an adult. You seem like a loving friend but I had to learn what co-dependency was early on in life too. You can't live through or for your friends, just take action if they need you (IF THEY NEED YOU and that is if there is truly a real threat) and give advice when asked, and LIVE your values, and sometimes profess in the general sense and live as examples if they so chose to emulate.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 123 (view)

If I decide to tell you anymore about this situation - the truth, blah, blah, blah..... Posted: 2/4/2009 4:46:49 AM
wow..i think OP has protest too much to the point of it getting way too awkward for her to have this innocent close friendship now with all this chatter on the board and in her head about it. Having it blown it up hughly...it must be hugh in the mind now. Rather pointless given that no one needs a buddy that isn't even a buddy yet this much. OP..i think you got the gist of what can and can't happen...you are a big girl. You know what your responsibilities to fellow man and woman are. If you don't after reading and writing alllll this...then all this energy is pointless . Hell I think marriages have been less scrutinized lol. Are you dating anyone yet? I hope you get what you want because that will end all of this ...it is rather pointless in the big scheme o' things. Oh and ...you don't need close male friends to bail you out so there shouldn't be hopes that a new male friend will be just as good to you...you chose that. Groceries? Christmas Trees? Why so dependent? I hope you have picked yourself up and don't need friends to do that for you...male or female. That is not their job.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Would you become 'GOOD, CLOSE FRIENDS' with a MARRIED man or woman? Posted: 2/3/2009 3:10:56 AM
Anenigma, You say in your 2nd post that you don't need another couple to hang out with. Ask yourself why you need another unavaible male to hang out with... This is an uneccessary friendship, somewhat suspect for HIM to be involved with you. It is not necessary to form a 'close' friendship with this guy. Why start it? What do you get out of it that is necessary? If you've had to ask about it it is causing something within you to question it no? Regardless of what YOU say about not being attracted to him, he is attracted to you...why be the catalyst...an enabler of sorts for HIM to act inappropriately? Some would say it is not your job to keep him on the straight and narrow...I say it is our responsibility to act responsible...we'd want someone else to do that for us if that was my marriage. Ya know what I mean? Sometimes women do have that burden of being the better sex about things like this or if you want to take gender out of it all together...sometimes a PERSON has to be the better knowing person and recognize what is the better thing to do in life for ALL concerned and not be so cavalier or selfish "just because we can". To the poster who says they prefer men over women for their friendships because of the lack of backstabbery etc...I say...perhaps because you don't forge solid loyalties with other women and chose the attention and ego strokes that men give you perhaps...is why you may find women friends but rather see them as competition? think on that. If you look at the most primative tribes...it is innate for us to bond that way and if you don't it may be not because of what you experience but about how you act towards it. I love men, I've been friends with men, just friends..but there comes a point in your life as you get older and realize that bonds need to be respected regardless of what you want or intentions are. It is and can simpley be a matter of respect because that is what you'd want in life. Original Poster...you've been through this on the other side of things as your 2nd post describes yet you spent a few paragraphs justifying why you would continue forging this 'close' friendship with Joe. You brought this up and now the negotiation. It is interesting for debates sake but I no longer understand your point. You seem to answer all your own questions but still battle the original premise to make it fit. Good luck

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Would you become 'GOOD, CLOSE FRIENDS' with a MARRIED man or woman? Posted: 2/2/2009 4:07:01 AM
call me insecure...but if I was Joe's wife...I wouldn't be too happy about my husband buying other women drinks and asking for their phone numbers. The fact that he said "my wife doesn't check up on me"....says in double talk for "I freely do what I want and my wife doesn't know". Bottom line...why does this man seek women to have friendships with...that was pretty agressive of him. Don't be a fool to think that he just is wanting another bud with boobs. He wants attention, whether he carries it out to blantant physicality is really not the biggest point....it is very telling. Living vicariously through his buddies or not. He is lying..that whole bit HE SAID about "never be more than friends because you wouldn't carry on with a married man" was him TESTING you...you bit the bait a bit by going ahead and giving your phone number to him. What is more, and I learned from experience so I am not judging, is that you have no business having a 'close friendship" with someone's husband. They have a woman for that. Get my drift? You may not be doing anything wrong because you are single, but you are enabling someone to do something they probably shouldn't be doing. don't be naive...you only get a chance to be naive..once. Open your eyes Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 38 (view)

Is it wrong to settle temporarily, knowing it likely won't last Posted: 2/1/2009 3:22:39 PM
My opinion simpley put: yes it is wrong. It is a huge waste of emotion and energy for the person you are using to bide your time with and extremely selfish .

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

I need a solution Posted: 2/1/2009 6:04:54 AM
you need to talk to her about this. Installing a roommate to pay for some of the mortgage (or perhaps cover your own rental is a good solutionfor now). But lay this all out with her of course. The truth is, we are all responsible for ourselves. She is as responsible for herself as she made decisions to live "common law" as well. It sounds like you supported her son for a good long time. She really has benefitted from this relationship more than she could imagine had she not had you in her life as well as go in on the house with her. This is sad, I am sure she didn't plan on becoming disabled while technically single. The housing market is rough. If you live in California, I can't imagine how little value your 2500 a month is buying housewise. Your profile says you are an engineer and that is one plus, that you have a good income but you may not be stretching the truth as far as being able to afford two dwellings. You both were remiss not to financially plan when she became disabled (heed these warnings single people). Perhaps instead of a lawyer (which you seem to not want to do)...I'd at least consult a financial planner (perhaps one of Dave Ramsey's...a guy I listen to on national radio who also has a show on Fox Business...one of his endorsed local providers...they initially consult for free) and a socialworker/counselor to see where things REALLY are and what can be done. I am sure your partner has put thought to the 'maybe's' over the course of 15 yrs of living with someone especially when she became disabled, and certainly if she is concious of the lack of relationship now. These thoughts you have would HAVE to have possibly crossed her mind. If she hasn't, she has done herself a great deal of dissolutionment unless you always steered her in a not-so-truthful direction out of cowardice, fear or enabling concern. Time for truths...there is nothing else right? Why perpetuate a lie, it doesn't do her any good accept for CURRENT economic stability. Think about it this way....there are things to fix regardless if you would be staying or not...Even if you loved her more than you do (I am sure you love her in your way, your concern shows), but still had a great life with her that you LOVED, Something could happen to YOU tomorrow and where would she be because you are not legally married but still own a home together. If you were to die for some reason, she'd lose her house because she couldn't afford the mortgage (unless you had life insurance and she is the beneficiary..perhaps that is the case, I hope you two at least did that). That doesn't help you or her today. Communicate with her...get answers...THEN you can make decisions based on those answers. Do not plan to have an open relationship or a closed one with someone else until you lay it all out with her. Treat her with that much dignity. She probably feels so little as it is.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

even the heavens cried Posted: 1/29/2009 4:34:30 AM
you love a man who doesn't exist. You didn't know the real him. This can be a shocker after all this time but it is true. He is a sociopath to be able to lie to you over 6 yrs. I doubt this is his first affair. You've done the negotiation stage of grief when you took him back. Now you have to really believe the truth of it all. Mourn this as others say and learn from that which isn't fun. But learn. I am sorry this happened to you. Be glad you didn't have children with him so that you are not tied to him. Clean break. Life Do-Over...you will be stronger for it and wiser but sometimes we don't need such a crappy lesson but it happens. Gain Strength...success is the best revenge on dirtbags. You don't need him like you think you do right now. You don't "need" anyone. People add to our life, they don't have to take away. Choose a good life. Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

An important question Posted: 1/29/2009 4:18:36 AM
The OP later down the thread called his girlfriend who has a 10 o'clock curfew a "woman." No "woman" I know has a 10 o'clock curfew. Perhaps this is a minor. He needs to "respect" the GIRL's family and quit this pursuit. They can both chalk it up to experience o'life. On again off again over the course of a year. Enough experience in that situation no? OP, branch out and quit disrespecting the family's rules but also just let things go if she doesn't want to pursue things more. She is smack dab in the middle of developing herself. Perhaps she is learning what she likes and doesn't like. You are 21 and finding out how life works too. Sometimes we make mistakes WITH people around and sometimes we need to know "ok, next time I'll learn from this" and apply that to someone fresh. That is the girl's dilemma if she doesn't like her curfew and if you don't like it too bad. If you want a girl who can stay out later..date someone else...she sounds young and shouldn't be involved in such a serious relationship at this time in her life and from the on again off again..too much drama....there is enough of that in life to come... all My opinion of course, LOL

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 203 (view)

What does my children come first mean to you? Posted: 1/26/2009 7:12:44 PM
Sebastian said: Yoooooo-hoooooo! I've never considered meeting Brattney & Pissany to be any great honour, and typically avoid broken homes at all costs. Ewww ... I must not be getting your sarcasm....but your profile says you are divorced with kids. Are you being sarcastic? Since you are a divorced and a father, I hope so. cheers!

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

serial marryers Posted: 1/26/2009 6:51:10 PM
Packagedealx3: In all seriousness...you know people our age (44 or younger) who have been widowed more than once? That would be unique and ummmm EGADS, how horrific and kinda scary (I guess I watch too much Discover I.D. shows where there are serial spouse murders...that is what crosses my mind when I hear someone fairly young has been widowed more than once)...but seriously...that would be amazing if it is true and not under strange circumstances...If that were me I'd probably never get married again...having already had enough grief in my life for 3 people...that would just freak me out. I read your post. I feel for you. I understand what you are saying and that you started young and tried your best. (I am not being facetious...I really do believe you). I am glad you are not getting your fifth divorce like my exsisterinlaw. Her marriages and how she conducts her social life really screwed up my niece. My exsisterinlaw marries everyone she dates it seems. I still remember when I first met her..she wanted to impress me so much it was wierd...sure enough a few months later..she was prego and in her late 30's no less...I think she was married 5 times in 17 years . Little different than yours. Back to my post that cracked you up (and I took it as in cracked up and not from its humor but in your disagreemetn with it?) I STILL will NEVER be someone's FOURTH wife. Second maybe (and most likely because if i ever do get married...because of our age most people have been married once ..I am an anomoly). Someone's Third wife...well that would have to be very scrutinized...his situation (like yours perhaps). FOURTH wife to someone...I'll say it again...nevah...to me there is a time to stop and just enjoy what you've done, or experienced, recover from the fall out and get what you need with having learned a bit along the way....even if it wasn't his 'fault'...perhaps it was partner-picker-problem and I wouldn't want to add to the total =)~ Peace, Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

serial marryers Posted: 1/26/2009 4:19:43 AM
To put it a simple way...I will NEVER be someone's fourth wife. If they entered into marriage three other times and it didn't work (besides being widowed and I'd hope that that would only happen once)..then I'd think they don't consider the weight of marriage very heavily. I've not gotten married (yet) as I didn't want to go through divorce. I've only been asked "has anyone ever asked you to marry them?"...that is about as close to being proposed to as I've gotten lol and that was merely on a date. I suppose the answer relies on how seriously one takes marriage(I do, pun intended). My brother's ex wife was his second marriage (first one he was widowed at 32). That was her 4th marriage (they had gotten pregnant, and funny that is why he got married 20 yrs prior when he was 19) and they were just hitting 40. She is on her 5th divorce now. Some people just cannot fathom being single IMO, or use marriage as an ends to a means rather well....err..or badly depending on the perspective. Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Only single person at a retirement dinner! Posted: 1/25/2009 3:30:29 PM
I've stopped going to people's houses for christmas etc. Just STOPPED. I am SOOO tired of being dateless for these things. No, it is not because I haven't been dateless for these things. I have been so dateless for these things that people automatically assume I am not bringing one. (sorry...apparently I am still a losah). Ready...next time (if you know in advance) ...take a date. You are registered here on a dating site. You have a lot of power in that decision being a male. Does that sound so cavalier and easy to do? I'd say no especially with the amount of posts i've read of yours and your intelligence...and certainly because there must be women in your area who would loved to be asked out. You are witty and intelligent and I am sure you could be very creative when you want to be the next time you know of a function in advance. "I need a date for a company function, will you go with me? We'll have fun I promise". How's that? Lucky you males...to me that would be a charming way to have a first date after the first 'meet'. Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 485 (view)

Do Women really avoid Scorpio's??? Posted: 1/25/2009 2:42:55 PM
JazzyTheCat...since you admit you don't put much stock in astrology...than I will take what you say in your post about Scorpio compatibility with a grain of salt and also with what I've read. If just comparing the sun signs...scorpios adore the cancers and pisceans...depending on what 'level' the scorpio is in their life (the scorpio is the only sign with three distinct 'levels' of life and determines their maturity and focus). The scorpios "wrath" must be provoked...the water signs tend not to provoke each other as much as inspire each other =) ...so that wrath, I luckily have rarely had to deal with as my cancer sun and venus <whoot whoot> tends to sooth rather than incite. Leave that up to the fire signs. For those who think this is a wierd occult subject Astrology is a fun hobby (not a religion for the record). I am not interested in the occult. I like the art and science of it....that's all. As a cancer sun, aries moon, gemini rising with cancer merc and cancer venus ...bring all the Scorpio males for me to spoil (and check out the rest of their chart because I'd love some taurus and virgo in your chart as well) , please. You can have all the leos and libras ....give me scorpios, taurens and virgos. Shouting out to those earthy boys too, love ya! I'll cut out the kinky scorps and take the deep, loyal, highly intelligent and protective progressed ones please..::passes out from thinking about them and how well they love their cancer girls who are loyal and trusting and nurturing to the deepest part of their soul:: OT but not-How about this. I am one of 8 children ..ALLLLL of us a different sun sign. Only one parent and one sibling had the same sun sign. Talk about a tough crowd (none of us are close now sadly). I did however get to see examples of at least all but two (cap and libra) the sun signs in the zodiac...in my own home. The only one that baffled me as not being congruent is the one aries...I imagine the rest of his chart must have some very watery or airy elements that overides the aries. Lizzie

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 328 (view)

Adults living at home with Mom and Dad Posted: 1/25/2009 2:13:26 PM
to those of you who are over 25 and still living at home for no special circumstance other than you've not found a reason to move out...heed my warning... both of my parents died by the time I was 27. My 32 yr old brother (we were one of 8 children) still lived at home. He spent his money on drugs and partying. He was emotionally stunted I think (drugs and partying since a teen can do that). Don't get me wrong, he was a hard worker when he worked but he was a 'teenager' when it came to personal responsibility. My mother was older and ill and I was 24 living at home, taking care of her and working, and said to myself ...dear god I have to learn how to live on my own as my mom (who was 41 yrs old than me) isn't going to live forever. I saw the future. My brother lived too much in the present. (He ended up dying of AIDs 5 yrs later very much in the closet to his friends that were not his double life friends who didn't stick around...after having to live with me the last year of his life). He did end up living on his own for a mere 18 months total out of 36 years...part of that was when he was 18 and moved back home after 4 months , part of that when he did live in an apartment/hotel for 6 months, part of that homeless because the rest of us couldn't take the ManBoy he was when Mom died. He flipped OUT. Spent the 30k my mom left him in a year trying to get a place to rent all new stuff etc etc...ended up having to sell it all because he didn't know how to handle BILLS and his previous lifestyle. Tragic really. Mom in her weakened state probably did like having him around but he also took advantage of her, big time. I was there 3 times a week (at least) and everyday on the phone so it was not like she wasn't taken care of. He used it as an excuse. He could've lived there and been responsible too. He wasn't. I know some of you out there are not like that but I bet some of you are. Yeah..in some cultures you live with your parents until you marry. But often those cultures have a thing where they marry off the women and the men become the head of the household and learn responsibility. I've have lived on my own ever since and have never depended on anyone besides having roommates when I was in my 20's. Now anyone I am involved with is icing on the cake...not the cake itself as far as my finances go etc. The warning to heed: You better learn how to live on your own at some point or you will never know that maturity. It doesn't always work out the way you plan it. So you better plan on working it out.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

Sabotage From Partner's Ex ??? Posted: 1/25/2009 1:48:22 PM
if she calls again, be fabulous, answer her questions in the most upbeat happy way, be HAPPY, not smarmy, not sarcastic or angry. "you're Blahblah's Mom? hi. is everything alright? Is Blah Blah ok? oh..this isn't about BlahBlah? What can i can I help you with? ....etc etc. let her know that you can't take personal calls at work but if its an emergency, since it is not an emergency you are going to have to let her go k? Buhbye. If it is impossible to do that if you've gotten snarky on the phone with her before well this is what she'd expect. Drama Triangle. If you break the one side of a drama triangle ...it makes it hard to exist. Ya see, if you are happy, and secure, and okiedokie with yourself and convey that to her....that may DIFFUSE her to the point of not finding any reason she can actually find to be upset with you other than your mere existance. It then DEFELECTS back toher KWIM? Kinda of like killing a situation with kindness and rational behavior. Do you understand what I mean? Then hang up and be glad you are not irrational. Tell your bf how she called and how cool, calm, and happy you were to feel good about your relationship. If she did say anything negative or threatening to you be sure to write it all down immediately and consult someone on this. If ou don't report threats...then it is not following through KWIM? Be the mentally stable person....it is hard to have a two way argument if one is not arguing (learned that from having 5 brothers) unless you are into feeding the drama. Success and happiness is the best weapon and revenge.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

The Girl at Walmart Posted: 1/25/2009 8:10:34 AM
geez M2cntsin..."Grow some balls". I am sure the young man has adequate content in his scrotum. Hopefully, he has enough class (more than me) not to be offended by your lack of understanding for the mere fact that he asked simpley(and asked nicely) for some advice on how to approach a stranger he admires for a date. Advice to Original Poster. Don't respond like M2cntsin might, if the outcome isn't what you hope for and say to the girl "grow some balls" if she says no. I also hope that the object of your affection isn't anything like M2cntsin and says "grow some balls" to you if you are hesitant during a stressful moment. You know how to handle stressful moments as a correctional officer, so this will be highly unlikely a stressful moment eh? lol ...so no you wouldn't be anything like M2cntsin to a person with class I'd imagine. You've already got the balls and some class as I see it. Perhaps more convincingly, smile and say I work the night shift too and ask are you available for coffee at ________? I am not into the act of emasculating men or patronizing women or otherwise I'd say to M2cntsin.."Get a Vag" and be more compassionate and classy if you are going to respond to someone on a forum who asked a question with some class. Good luck to the OP. There is some good advice on the thread. I hope it turns out well. Take a chance and don't belabor it too long!

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 99 (view)

Do you guys think this is fair? Posted: 1/23/2009 4:30:57 PM
Ali, You are still young barely an adult and you've had a lot of sexual experiences. (some not your choice either). You don't spend too much time between relationships by your own admisssion. I was SOO relieved to know that you don't live together. Why don't you break up for the 6th time and Stay single for ahwile, keep your toy, and find yourself and some confidence and real self love and then perhaps embark on a healthy relationship. It is not that uncommon for folks to be single for a few years let alone a few weeks or a month or two. I bet the thought horrifies you, and to me that is the exact reason why you should perhaps step back from all this disatisfaction and serious relationship and what seems to have some co-dependency issues going on. Such a serious relationship at such a young age. You'll know what I mean by 'young' when you are 30. I also find it difficult to comprehend that you and he are BOTH in couple's therapy and this issue has not been discussed? Couple's therapy for people who don't even live together is an amazing committment. So that says something about him right? (i am assuming it is for the personal experiences you've been through and your disorder). If it is true then since you are paying the therapist...what have they said about it? Share as I am sure someone reading your post would benefit from the professional's advice too.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 131 (view)

WHY DO MEN WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU, BUT NOT DATE YOU? Posted: 1/23/2009 3:58:31 AM
it has probably been said (i didn't read 6 pages of posts) but in all likelyhood..he is probably married (are you absolutely sure he is single like you say??) or is treating you like a moped (ya know likes you and you're fun-to-ride-but-doesn't-want-to-be-seen-with-you-because-he-doesn't-think-are-you-are-attractive "enough"-for-his-world-kind of jerk).

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 109 (view)

Girl advice --- when she won't take the hint! Posted: 1/21/2009 4:22:59 AM
Canam Miles: Seriously...my comment about "get a room" was to disarm all this TRIVIAL commentary side-off-topic crap that you and Violet Tigress are arguing about for the rest of us reading it. I'd say that again, despite your assumption that I wouldn't, whether the names were switched or not. I didn't read half of the diatribe frankly ...just noticed the incessant back and forth about not the topic thread but the fact that it was old. Its a message board ....and my silly comment WAS silly....just like I think this arguement is over old posts and the EMOTION about it being and old post brought as well as the EMOTION of being picked on is. Its a message board...and I reserve the right to be funny =) in the light of ridiculousness...perhaps in hopes to get it to stop by cold water of reverse psychology with humor =) Have a nice day =) because I will.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

im just devistated Posted: 1/20/2009 3:40:38 AM
OP, you were young when you met (20) you are only 24 now. You have a LOT of living to do yet. She is not the only woman you will love in your life. You may not feel that way now but if you give it time, you will. Maybe you live in a small community where people marry young. I don't advise it. You don't know yourself enough yet. Never love someone else more than you love yourself unless they are your children and even then make sure you are solid with yourself so that you can love them correctly, not get so lost in them that when they are destructive you can't function and kick some tough love butt. Please seek guidance from your pastor (you say in your profile you are religious). Medication without therapy won't work. You need some enlightenment too. Growth. You need to understand that this was so deep because it was your first experience feeling this way. Life can come with disappointment and you have to learn to handle that without wanting to kill yourself. There are people struggling...STRUGGLING to live everyday who have zero control over that because of physical illness. Think of them and think about how god has given you two arms, two legs and a brain and gain strength from your ability to use them and put this experience in its place. Learn from it as far as what YOU contributed or didn't, what YOU learned or didn't and understand that perhaps the both of you were far too young to go that deep and have more living to do before you get so serious about "loving someone more than yourself". You will never really know what might have been had you married. It is obvious she wasn't ready for that and loved you but didn't want to settle down this early. You loving her more than yourself: That smacks of co-dependency and if you don't know what that means...THIS is the lesson for you to learn so that you can even be more happy and satisfied with your future relationship. You are not in a place to be dating right now. Get more satisfied with your life first. Bring something to a relationship rather than seeking something from one. KWIM? forget this taking your life crap and be more careful in your job. Otherwise, you need to find a new one. For you not to care that people got hurt, seriously...very self absorbed and treatment is needed. If that wasn't a wake up call that you are putting WAAAY too much emphasis on ONE person (her) out of 6 billion other people in the world (there are so many that will come into your life) shows that you need some serious, adult spiritual and pragmatic perspective. Get help for this, it is out there to be had. You deserve to be happy in life no? Think about that concept. You are a human being and it is ok to be happy again in life. This is one person and experience that you will get through if you allow it. Help helps. I wish you wisdom, strength and clarity.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 101 (view)

Girl advice --- when she won't take the hint! Posted: 1/19/2009 4:22:12 AM
I think Canam miles and Violet Tigress should get a room and do it already.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

How important is a well thought-out first message? (for a MSF) Posted: 1/19/2009 4:10:18 AM
umm..when fishing one uses the bait that will attract what they want to catch. The fish will go for the bait that attracts them. reap what you sow. god I am so glad I am not twentysomething now...even when I was twentysomething that dead small bait "hello how are you" wouldn't have been attractive. (We didn't have email back in those days but that is the equivalent of a guy at a bar who just looks at you and says nothing much). There is sooo much less effort made these days! We don't even have to brush our teeth to be so lame.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Pursuing or stalking? Posted: 1/18/2009 7:06:30 AM
I think that if you have enough information to know where to send flowers, then you have enough information to see her again and feel out the situation more. I am not a female who would call a man first. I am a bit traditional that way. Perhaps she is like me. Perhaps she has a boyfriend/husband. Who knows? Get more information by seeking her out and having a conversation. Invite for coffee/tea, mid-day out in public. You'll know exponentially more information about if she is into you or not and/or available. I hope you post an update!

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Priority: Sex or Romance? Posted: 1/18/2009 4:09:38 AM
it depends on my mood. To me there is three types: sex, making love, and fvcking. For there to be all types in one relationship it must be a relationship over some time span. (for instance for making love, we have to have known each other enough to be in love with each other, but that doesn't mean that sometimes we wouldn't just fvck; a short dating experience would not classify as ever having made love to each other, that would've been just sex or fvcking ..ya know sex with lots of animal energy to it) Romance to me means a lot of personal input to the emotionality of the relationship...that would hopefully lead to making love. Sometimes it is just seduction to sex or fvcking. (It soon gets weeded out if insincere).l I am a cancer sun with cancer venus...so yeah...its all about the mood I am in or to which I am inspired by.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 111 (view)

Is there anything more overrated when it comes to sex than Blow jobs? Posted: 1/16/2009 4:39:27 AM
my favorite lover ever never came from my bj's (only one not to) but adored them and then thanked me VERY well by then turning me over and taking me ...god he was such a good fit (the way he felt...not that he was overly endowed..just fit with me)...I loved how he moved...it was almost like being good dancers..how we complimented each other that way...adoring each others individual talents and the sum of its parts making us both happy. I always thought he was even more masculine that way by not cumming in my mouth (didn't mind if he wouldve) but wanted to save it for the pleasure that waited for me. He was the only man that made me orgasm on his own and frankly I think it must've been psychological. Too bad it was just sexual, I would love to be loved by a man like that. So the BJ was not over rated..it was part of what we did for each other. Lucky me to have had that unique experience. Perhaps he knew that it would be one orgasm per time together (refractory time being longer in mid-age) only for him and he wanted to share it. Gotta love it.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

we have not met yet but been talking on the phone and texting but now he will not answer my text Posted: 1/11/2009 2:27:34 PM
Angelia, Didn't you say in your post that he is OUT OF STATE this weekend? He hasn't gotten back to you BECAUSE HE IS OUT OF STATE THIS WEEKEND WITH HIS SON. Perhaps he is giving his full attention to his son, obviously not near his computer or not wanting to be and texting an acquaintance back isn't the priority on his mind right now (if he actually has his cell phone on) and the unexepected visit (perhaps it is an emergency?) There could be a lot of unsavory reasons as well but you don't have enough information yet. Becareful about the attention addiction. You are already used to his communication response and this is a wake-up call about getting caught up in something for the wrong reasons. You've not seen the white of his eyes or spent time with him in real life yet...all the emails and phone calls do not a relationship make. You freaking out because he hasn't answered your email this weekend or texted you back COULD BE a good indication of an attention addiction rather than a healthy basis of a relationship. Since you are new to this type of attention, consider yourself forewarned about this virgin territory and what it all means and most importantly...what it doesn't mean. I was the same way when I first bought my computer (10 yrs ago) and learned how caught up I got and well I am glad to say that it didn't take much time to come back to earth and now for years have enjoyed the take it or leave it of it all and how it means nuttin' until it is a real dating situation and relationship. Yeah...I think he is busy and that is all. (for now that is all you have to go on). Relax

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

Feelings of Big Handsome Men Posted: 1/11/2009 2:00:45 PM
::sigh::a simple answer...yessssssssssssss I do

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 216 (view)

how would you react if your son /daughter told you they where gay Posted: 1/10/2009 5:06:06 PM
I've not read the thread. I am only going on the subject line: If I had a child and they told me they were gay...I'd say good, I am glad you know yourself so well. It is sooo much easier to be who you are in this day and age. I want you to be happy so be sure to be proud and act in a manner that you would be proud of and just as anyone should, be respectful and loving if you want a sincere relationship. My brother died because he was afraid to be out. He grew up in the 60's and 70 and 80's and died in the 90's. He died of AIDS and was in the closet to most people up to the very end. He refused to get help. I was the ONLY person in the berieved support group whose relative was DYING instead of thriving with the treatments. All because for 10 yrs he HATED himself for being gay. I had to quit the group because I couldn't relate to anyone. All of their relatives were living and doing well. My brother DIED, not of AIDS, but rather because he hated himself and at the time prior, the world (he thought) would've hated him. So sad. HE WAS MY FAVORITE PERSON. I am not glorifying him. I've lost many other people in my family. HE WAS IT for me. Please...if you love your children. Love them. Let them sort out their own feelings about who they date. If you are against homosexuality, treat them as if that doesn't matter just as if they were hetero...their relationships are really none of your business then too (unless they are under 18) and even then apply only those restrictions you would if they were hetero (not dating too serious anyone for example...if they were gay or straight..is good advice for ALL children in my opinion). ::sigh:: thank you of allowing my opinion.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

For my fellow guys, can you feel her pu$$y contract when she orgsms? Posted: 1/8/2009 4:22:38 AM
whywhater: "not evict him" ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

For my fellow guys, can you feel her pu$$y contract when she orgsms? Posted: 1/8/2009 4:20:11 AM
"when I told them how much money I made..." SumoSumo...that was the funniest thing I've heard in a LONG time. Made me laugh out loud at my computer. (I think I might've snorted too ack)....thanks

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 122 (view)

She is a complete mindf*uck Posted: 1/8/2009 4:10:11 AM
dear original poster (Heartbreakkid): Please look up co-dependent and what that means and how dangerous it is to live that way. You may have loved her, but she broke your heart (or as Aiden said in Sex and the City) YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get over this user. She crushed you and now is in a bind and knows you would provide her with anything she needs. Narcissistic USER biotch that she is. If you stay with her you will cement a pattern of being manipulated and hurt by her for years to come. When something is painful it is because it is hurting you. Codependency and Narcissists are a match..made in hell EDITED TO ADD: that I regret that someone kept this post alive after the OP updated (thank you above poster for finding the update)and said he had moved on. I don't like to post to irrelevant threads, Sorry 'bout that. I think the advice is good however. lol

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Am I doing the right thing? Posted: 1/5/2009 3:57:48 AM
um..one question i can't seem to let go of...how is his metastic lung cancer? Is he looking any different? If this was a lie, run from this man as this would be a very cruel and cowardice and toxic-minded way of breaking up with someone. I also think : -there is a huge difference between 19 and 29 mentally but often one doesn't realize that until they are 29 =) -29 is quite young to have lung cancer but I suppose it can happen. -Are there states that still have under 21 drinking? I am surpised at that. -obviously you are an amazing dancer...congrats on that!

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

One difficult situation. Posted: 1/5/2009 3:45:52 AM
You are 21 yrs old. You have your whole life ahead of you. My opinion? Do not live in live-in situation. You are very articulate and have shoved a lot of life in your short time. My god, take the pressure off of yourself and don't have a live-in relationship with a woman for a very long time to come. ENJOY your youth, your friends, and work on keeping a job for awhile. and develope who you want to be as a man. Be a good guy to a good woman who doesn't need you to pay the bills at this time in your life. You've got a good 60 yrs ahead of you. There is a reason why you are being economically unstable and that should be addressed. DEVELOPE yourself. You don't have to have such heavy responsibilities AND a relationship too. Be responsible for yourself and have a responsible relationship if you want to ...but I really don't think anyone should feel so bogged down at your age. You sound like a man (and rather mature for your age) don't burn yourself out. Pay no rent unless it is your own or part of a roommate situation. Life is complicated ENOUGH. Let her go. She is looking for someone to take care of her and frankly, as a woman I find that she should try to take care of herself. The reason (again in my opinion) is that you pushed her away because you felt a lot of responsibility and that was the only way of being able to say "stop" and control your life. THAT SHOWS that you are not ready (and it is so ok at TWENTY ONE) to want to be responsible for someone else. If she is going to latch on to whoever will pay her bid...then perhaps she is not the woman for you. She needs to move out ...now. No ..you do not pay rent for someone you love who is loving on someone else waiting for that guy to invite her to live with him. That would be masochistic! You have your whole life to fall in love, this will not be your only love, it may feel like that...but you've only begun living and our modern society brings people in our lives so much more readily.

elizabethnotliz

Joined: 3/30/2008

Msg: 1007 (view)

Whats an instant turn on for you Posted: 1/4/2009 7:57:41 PM
deep kissing on my neck......makes me instantly forget my own name!

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