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newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

not being honest about impotency Posted: 4/11/2009 3:22:02 AM
Hi Jac kson, and I just add many men turn women off too. It works both ways. But this is not about the blame game. This is about an ever growning problem with men being impotent. Are they stressed out too much over work or lack of work or money problems, or marital problems, or the list goes on and on. Its kind of unfair that men have to perform or they feel like a failure. I know there are risks with all meds but life is a risk., You could die in the sake and be perfectly healthy. So there is no guarentees in life. If a man choses to not have sex anymore from an errection be kind enough to tell the girl your dating before you get too involved.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

not being honest about impotency Posted: 4/11/2009 3:16:41 AM
I know someone who got an pump implant so he could satisfy his wife. Now that is commendable and shows courage and love.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Don't look for love until you love yourself Posted: 3/12/2009 4:02:58 AM
I agree Speciallady both men and women have to learn to love themselves. Often times we want others to fill in that emptiness in ourselves. No one can do that for us. No one has that power. Only you and you alone can do that. Its not easy but in time it can be done and you will be so much better off.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Why do women moan more than men during sex? Posted: 11/16/2008 7:51:33 AM
bitsie that is my point exactly. As most have said on this thread men need to relax and make noises so its more intense for both of us. Whats so hard about letting your partner know you are pleasing him? I am not just talking about the climax I am talking about the entire experience from begining to end. intense feelings in our bodies should not be stiffled. Everyone men and women should let it all out. Not fake it but really enjoy it.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Why do women moan more than men during sex? Posted: 11/15/2008 6:50:07 PM
SO men stay quiet for fear of it being broadcast around to the sisterhood how silly they sounded? lol now I have heard everything. I have never heard this in my life. SO men stay quiet and listen to the women bleak like sheep and play reserved and dignified while us women make fools of ourselves showing you men how good you make us feel. Would men feel better if we were stone faced quiet and acted like we were board, and not having fun at all? I think of all the places to show your true emotions makeing love has to rank number one if not number 2. Its the most raw and intimate way to truley know a person and how open and uninhibited they are about being with you in that way.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Why do women moan more than men during sex? Posted: 11/15/2008 6:24:18 PM
lol mediumfoot I often wondered what men thought when they see this reserved lady like women moaning and owing and ahing and yelling out oh my God. But in all seriousness I love to know if the man is feeling as much pleasure as I am and I think men get the better end of the stick because they know how much they please us. We have no clue if you men are bal your check book or wonding what the football score is. lol If I happen to have sex with a moaner noise maker I am much more turned on and enjoy myself more which inturn makes everything that much more intense.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Why do women moan more than men during sex? Posted: 11/15/2008 5:09:56 PM
I can not speak for everyone as we are all different. But sex feels good and moaning to me is part of enjoying sex and letting my partner know I am enjoying sex. I have notice however than men in general are not so much into moaning or making any sounds during sex. almost like they are holding their breath for fear of coming too soon lol. So they totally turn off the enjoyment factor till after the woman is satisfied. I would l like to hear from men and women. Is moaning a woman thing?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 620 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 10/22/2008 12:18:02 PM
I can see why all the posters have stopped posting since trry turned this thread into his personal venting ground to rip people apart. Me thinks you need to get some lol. I have no problem with men, dates, or anger. You have proven nothing except you have lots of time on your hands to be here defending yourself over and over. I have a life. I do not have to explain to you nor does the thousand other people who do not have photoes have to explain or be labeled by mr know it all. Our reasons are personal and none of your business. All this defensiveness about being a man has nothing to do with this topic. I know alot of men who love and spoil their dogs more than I do. We are all different and have our own lives to live as we chose. I am sure if I wanted to be like you I could find tons of things to rag on you about that would be a reason why you don't get dates. All this is so immature and uncalled for. Let those that want to have dogs/pets sleep with them do so and those that don't do so. What is the big freakin deal?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 619 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 10/22/2008 10:23:44 AM
Trrypier when address your over board anger please put the person name your addressing. Not sure who you are cutting to pieces here. If you put all that anger energy you express in forums into loving your pets then you might feel better lol.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 617 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 10/22/2008 6:38:40 AM
Its obvious that people all have their limits or un written rules. I make it plain to my dates before hand that my pets are very special and if they have any problems with pets let me know because I would not want to date someone who has hang ups about pets. I certainly down't and if my date has pets I would spoil them just like I do my own. Its all in what you find speical and worth making a prioirty in your life. I do not treat my date bad nor do I deny him anything if I like him alot. In fact if he loves my pets and they love him he is in for all kinds of bonuses lol.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 614 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 10/21/2008 4:22:12 PM
In mho the pets were there long before the dates and if the dates are that uptight and rigid then they can move on down the road. The pets take priority if the date is a putz. If the date is cool with it. All are happy and no one is hurt. Didn't anyone ever watch Beethoven?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 612 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 10/21/2008 12:58:47 PM
catkin I so agree with you about staying single. If a man does not like my pets or the fact that I spoil them then I don't want to be with them period. lol Like I said in an earlier post that I only date animal lovers. I have to make sure they love animals not just like animals. I have a 4 pound dog that does not take up any room on the bed. Infact you would not know she is there. One date came to my house and my dog is especially friendly and affectionate and likes to be held. She tried to get on my dates lap and he shoved her away aggresively and she fell on her back. I nearly went balistic. I said why did you do that? He said she was sniffing his crotch. lol she is too short to get near his crotch. What a head case. I told him to leave asap. He was like why. i said no one ever hurts my pets. They are like children to me. Why would I want someone like that. Sorry but there is no middle ground when loving a pet. You either do or don't. I love others animals too. I never have a problem with a dog coming after me because they can sense I love them. Even though they are not my pets I still love them.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 609 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 10/20/2008 5:30:33 PM
People who truley are pet lovers don't have to prove anything to anyone. They just have a strong desire to be close to their pets who in many cases are much better than alot of people. They are loyal, devoted, affectionate, give you love no matter how bad a mood your in or the bad day you had. As far as a pet licking someones face they do it out of pure love and affection. They are not cows looking for a salt lick lol. Please trrp do yourself a favor and don't have pets get fish or something you don't have to show love too like a dog or cat. Not knocking fish, fish lovers, just making a point about giving physical affection and attention like sleeping with them. My dog has been with me through the worst time of my life, divorce, losing my mom, when was very ill and she has given me so much love and compassion. Everytime I cried she was there to comfort me. There is a reason for the saying a dog is a mans best friend. I go further and say a dog is humans best friend. In fact my dog saved my life when my house was on fire and I was sleeping. She scratched me on the chest till I woke up and smelt the smoke. My dog is tiny btw. My point is there are people who own animals and then there are people who love and adore their pets. Why because they don't let us down like alot of people do.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 607 (view)

Whats with women that invite their dogs into the bedroom to sleep? Posted: 10/20/2008 11:52:34 AM
trry most of the people who let their dogs sleep with them are true animal lovers. Not wanna be animal lovers. True animal lovers are drawn to true animal lovers and would never date or stay with someone is not a true animal lover. Animal lovers do not mind dogs/cats kissing their faces mouths or sleeping with them. All the people who are not true animal lovers can date the none animal lovers lol. Problem solved.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 405 (view)

Domestic Violence Posted: 10/16/2008 7:56:15 PM
To all those who have been abused or still going through abuse whether its physical or mental or both its hell on earth. I know I lived it. Still do with an ex and other abusive people in my life. Counseling is the only thing that gave me the courage to leave and to find myself again. I lost who I was and almost gave up hope. Seek help even after you have left him. The scars are deep. Many will never understand or empathize with you so counseling is an excellent way to vent and get the support you need to move on. Even this site has many abusive people both men and women who have no regard for your feelings or safety. So tread lightly and careful. Abuse comes in many forms.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

What is proper phone etiquette when making the first call? Posted: 10/12/2008 9:19:43 AM
Wishes I only reminded him of the conversation we all most had when he called me a long time ago. His profile is so not like him at all. Almost like a man preying on women to get them in the woods where he lives far from crowds and controls her every move. He creeped me out before and I only responded to him because I thought he might of realized his behavior was stupid and turned over a new leaf. lol I guess not. No loss. I was just wondering if other people have experienced weird first calls. He did say he didn't want to talk to me and thought it was rude that I told him to call me at that time. I had forgotten about the time he was suppose to call but like I said I was all alone and had 30 mins. to talk. If it was noisy and I was getting my nails done I would have said call me later. He seems very rigid and if he gets upset about trivial things like that, I can't imagine what else he gets weirded about.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

What is proper phone etiquette when making the first call? Posted: 10/12/2008 6:49:46 AM
I have en counted a man in the past from a dating site that called me the first time and because I was in a nail salon and waiting in the waiting area alone he freaked out and didn't want to talk to me. He said it was improper to have a conversation when I was in a public place. ???????WTH Where should I be? Hiding in the woods far up on a mountain lol. He had forgotten about me because we never did meet after that episode, and emailed me yesterday saying he was interested in getting to know me. I laughed because he forgot about me so I reminded him of the phone call and he got all uptight and mad and sent me a nasty email and then blocked me lol. Can we say paranoid ? Is he afraid someone at the nail salon may know him? lol I am sorry but this is to weird for me. There was not a single person around me and I had to wait at least 30 minutes so I saw no harm in talking. Can get some feedback on this?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

How to Stop Making Poor Choices Posted: 10/3/2008 8:18:12 AM
when you all come up with a perfect solution to avoiding jerks, losers, perverts, and abusers let me know. I know one thing the list I just gave all those people should win academy awards for blowing smoke up peoples asses because they are by far the greatest lairs I have ever met. It sucks what you have to disect every one you meet to make sure they are not a psyco. lol. Between bi polor, drinking, personality disorders, road rage, control issues, insecurities, bad manors, no job, or car.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 92 (view)

Why Even Kiss? Posted: 9/29/2008 5:42:23 PM
Being a kiss addict I love to kiss and often if I am into a guy and he is into me I will kiss him or let him kiss me. Often if a guy kisses me that I am not sure about the kiss will sometimes change my mind about being attracted if its really a good kiss. Good kissers are rare. many claim to be good kissers but infact are not. Not seeing someone again after you exchange spit does not mean he does not like you. It may mean many things but don't think negative. I have chose not to see someone again that kissed good but found other things that did not gell with me. Its so complicated. Do I think kissing is wrong. No. But many men think kissing as a sign that a women is going to go to bed with them. Kissing gets them stimulated and they get too excited and want more. I guess we can all be guilty of that under the right circumstances. That is why its complicated. There is no wrong or right way to go about it. What if you wait 2 weeks before you kiss the guy and find out he kisses like a cow lol. Would you still date him? I wouldn't. Kissing is very important to me. So are many other things but kissing is something that has to be right or I can't get turned on mentally.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Is having a life time mate co dependant? Posted: 9/26/2008 9:12:27 AM
yes chickie your so right. No one is talking about dictating or controling each other. That is abuse. I am talking about a loving life time relationship with someone you feel so close too and love dearly.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Is having a life time mate co dependant? Posted: 9/26/2008 8:23:40 AM
The reason I ask this is so many people men and women today are more into casual non serious dating with no strings attactched and say if you want a serious relationsip with one person your co dependant. I disagree. The reason I do is because I think man and women were meant to be together not to just populate the earth but to compliment each other and draw strenght and love from one another in a life long intimate way that is like no other relationship on earth. Granted we all are guitly of hooking up with the wrong one and end up very unhappy and end up divorcing. But if we took the time to really get to know someone and lay all the cards out on the table and saw how each other ticks and what kind of hang ups each has we can better decide if the relationship is worth putting your heart into it with no reservations. Some people are happy and content being alone and there is nothing wrong with that. But for those that want a mate why is it so hard to find a mate?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 201 (view)

What ever happened to courtship? Posted: 9/12/2008 12:39:33 PM
Hi Angel porn is a touchy subject as some find it entertaining and couples enjoy it. Not all people who watch it are not pervs. But men tend to compare the porn stars and playboy book girls to reg women. I think its the way they are brought up to either respect a women or treat her like their father treated their mother. If their father was a jerk its probably a good chance the sons with be jerks. Its a handed down pattern that no one wants to stop. It takes strong men to stop the pattern of meaness and abusive behavior. Disrespecting a women comes from learned behavior. So it goes without saying they would never court a women if they don't respect a women.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 196 (view)

What ever happened to courtship? Posted: 9/12/2008 6:48:24 AM
Both people should be ideally meeting each other's needs. Every girl wants to feel special and like a princess and I think every man needs to feel appreciated, wanted and to be respected as well. I agree angelfyre. Its a mutual desire to lift up each other above others and honer and respect each other faults and all. Today I find so many people are so nasty in their attitudes that courtship is definetly the last thing on thier mind. Getting a peace of ass and some laughs is about all they are looking for. So superficial and degrading to others as well as yourself. Not valuing another person or their feelings is the norm today. Meaness is lingering behind the smile and the phony come ons.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

partner gives me std but won't get meds should I dump him Posted: 9/1/2008 4:40:39 PM
In men, symptoms include: * White discharge from the penis (rarely) * Pain when you urinate (rarely) You can have trichomoniasis without having symptoms. Most men who get the infection do not have symptoms. Infected people who do not have symptoms can still spread the infection.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

partner gives me std but won't get meds should I dump him Posted: 9/1/2008 4:34:33 PM
the dr said most men do not have symptoms and are therefore carriers unaware they have it. The guy I dated had no symptoms and was shocked to know he had it. He did go to the dr and got meds finally. He was in denial. We have not had sex since till he finishes the meds. I think trich can happen to anyone. I am not sure how it is started. I know its a bacteria that grows.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

partner gives me std but won't get meds should I dump him Posted: 8/30/2008 6:19:39 AM
Hi Dean and Dar I have practically begged him to get meds and he did go to the dr but said he is not taking the meds. So I told him its over. He thinks I am not serious. He says he loves me. If he loved me he would take meds.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

partner gives me std but won't get meds should I dump him Posted: 8/30/2008 6:07:05 AM
I am dating a guy who gave me trick an std that i treated myself for but he won't treat himself for it so I cut off sex and have decided its probably a good idea not to date him anymore since he won't get help. People can have std and not know it because they are carriers with no symptoms. So people be careful out there because you never know who has it. You can have it for years and not know it if your a carrier.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

First date jitters, good or bad? should you give them another chance? Posted: 7/2/2008 8:36:24 AM
Bikeman So how can you tell if your dating a player or a qenuine sincere relaxed person?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

First date jitters, good or bad? should you give them another chance? Posted: 7/2/2008 7:50:47 AM
I agree pamper with your statement about People behave in a certain way because this is basically their character. its funny because so many men will say give me another chance I was nervous or had a bad day or what ever their excuse is. I am with the idea that a person is who they are regardless of circumstances. If your an upbeat friendly outgoing confident person it will shine through no matter what the situation is. We all have bad days and there is nothing wrong with that. But we should not take it out on the date. Cancel it and reschedule the date if its that bad. For the most part no matter how bad my day is I can still go out and have a good time unless its serious like a death in the family or friend or something that requires some me time to heal.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

First date jitters, good or bad? should you give them another chance? Posted: 7/2/2008 6:50:57 AM
It so hard to tell on a first date if someone is nervous or too quiet and not showing their true selves. Or they may be just very shy and not good at talking in person. So would it be safe to say there should be a 2nd date rule to find out if the person losens up and is more themselves? I am not talking about the ones who act like compleat a holes on the first date they are immediately eliminated no questions asked. But sometimes people don't always let down their guard till the second or even third date. Or is this a sign of someone who is not secure enough to have a relationship with? On dates I am my self and not shy or quiet. I let the person see the real me silly and all. No sense in giving off the wrong impression.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Marriage proposal!!!!!! Posted: 7/2/2008 6:41:33 AM
theres always sour apples in the barrel to rain on someones parade. sounds like jealousy to me lol.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 107 (view)

I've been deeply wounded. . . Posted: 7/1/2008 7:43:00 PM
lvs one thing I have learned from pof is that the forums can be very verbally abusive to the op. Alot of know it alls and just plain mean people have nothing better to do than put down the op. It makes them look bad but they really have no clue because they are narcissistic. So don't let them bother you or hurt you and I know its hard because I have been in the hot seat. Daggers are being shot at you from every direction. But in the midst of it all are the genuine caring people who have hearts and lives and compassion.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 106 (view)

I've been deeply wounded. . . Posted: 7/1/2008 7:39:36 PM
amazon your hit the nail on the head. Guys can be jerks when it comes to feelings. Its not in them to feel emotional pain like we do till its too late and then they fall apart after we are long gone. Not sure if thats delayed reaction or what but I have known many men who do not feel a thing till its over and they can barely function once reality sinks in. I guess thier hardened hearts are so thick and callous from not having feelings that when the pain finally gets through all that thick skin it hurts big time.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Marriage proposal!!!!!! Posted: 7/1/2008 7:27:37 AM
I agree out of the desert. I have known people that only dated a few days or weeks and got married and stayed married for many years. I do not believe there is a set time to know. I dated my ex for 2 yrs and lived with him for 2 yrs before I married him. The marriage was from hell. I think its important that both your core values are on the same page and there are no secrets or games. Both have to be willing to put the effort into a good solid relationship. Both have to want it to work. If there are reservations than they should be addressed. But real true head over heals romance /love is great all though rare its wonderful if it works and lasts. I have known people who waited and waited for the other person to make a commitment and wasted so much time waiting. then they get fed up and leave. Why put yourself through that? Life is too short to drag things out for ever.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Do you touch on the first date? Posted: 6/24/2008 2:45:24 PM
I agree touching someone you like and feel comfortable with is a sign to let them know you do like them. Same goes if they touch you. So here is another question. Kinda probably sounds old fashion but does everyone think women should touch first or men? I ask that because ususally if a man touches he is being too forward but if a women touches first she is being sweet. I know its sounds weird. Its not my opinion just how society thinks.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Do you touch on the first date? Posted: 6/23/2008 4:23:37 AM
Thanks for the all the interesting responses. I honestly think there are magnetic fields or what ever you want to call them between people that have a bond without even knowing it through a touch. I am not talking about mauling the person lol. I am talking about a soft touch on the hand or arm just to afirm our interest and see if there is any electricity flowing from one body to the other. I have felt it on severl occasions while on others nothing. So there has to be something to it.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Do you touch on the first date? Posted: 6/22/2008 7:01:48 PM
I find when i am on a date that I like to make contact with the other person by touching their hand after talking a while if I feel comfortable. There is something in a touch that can almost send a signal if you like the person or not. Have you found that to be true?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/22/2008 8:17:29 AM
For those that understood and have been there and were not out to judge me I am over this guy finally. That last time with him was the closure I needed. I was able to let go. I feel so free and happy now. So thanks for your support and encouragement.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/20/2008 12:18:53 PM
Smileee4u His mother was a prostitute and abandon him and his twin brother when they was little. She came back and tried to raise the kids but was too wacked out and tried to burn the house down. she could not handle raising kids. His father was never in the picture because the mother never told them who their father was. They found out when they where grown who thier father was. the stories I could tell you of their mother and them not have clothes to ware or food to eat and how she would get pets for them and abuse and kill them. She would walk around the house naked infront of them and slept with men infront of them. She is dead now but she had serious problems. Its no wonder they are screwed up. the grandmother who raised them was just as bad as her even worse.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/20/2008 7:38:36 AM
brown eyes and havemyhaylo thank you for seeing me for who i am and not what these know it alls think I am. You have the ability to see that I am not bragging or being selfish, or ignoring good sound advice. when i get good sound advice that is not tainted with arrogance or put downs i welcome them and acknowledge them. But when people judge others they don't even know then I have to stand up for myself. I don't have to argue but I will let them know I am trying to do better, maybe not as fast and as totally together like those who judge are but I am trying. Its hard when you have mixed emotions and never felt this way before. I don't want a perfect person but I don't want a rotton person either and its hard if you lived in dysfunciton all your life to know where the balance is. sometimes its trial and error. Some people are so tough they never fall for these type of guys. yes there is a pattern and i am working on that. I didn't say I graduated yet. So people cut me some slack okay?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/20/2008 7:30:19 AM
olyman since when does someone have to drink in order to go hear live music? What a foolish assumption. I don't drink. lol but I do love music and they don't usually play at duncan donuts.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/19/2008 10:24:24 PM
yes I am so screwed up thank God I have such wonderful people on this forum to point that out and let me have it in every way possible in case I don't get how much better you all are than me. I am so sorry for interfering with our perfect selfrighteous lives with my screw ups. To me this is major to you its a joke. glad I could make you all laugh at me and my situation and poke fun at me while putting me down. god what would I do without people like you all. You think your sarcastic remarks and put downs bother me? I have been abused in my life so badly that this is a picnic. But you give it your best shot. I am sure you will feel so much better after you tell me off for screwing up. How selfish I am how full of myself I am. lol. Please. In the past I would have let him walk all over me and let him stay for as long as he wanted. You would have to know where I have been to know how much I have grown. Yes I can be snotty when people act really arrogant. I didn't share this to be attacked. I shared this to see if other women are having a hard time letting go of a bad relationship and how they are dealing with it. I know none of you ever dated a loser or had a bad relationship. You all live in fairtale land where everything is so perfect

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/19/2008 6:51:30 PM
Jordan I did just that. He wanted to rekindle our relationship but I told him its too late and that I have to cut all ties with him. I admit I mad a big mistake and let him come to my house but it was something I had to do. I had to put closure to us and make sure I could do this. I let him come over as a concerned friend and we had no intentions of sleeping together. we both agreed that it was not good to do that. But the desire to hold each other was stronger than our common sense. He wanted to spend the whole weekend with me and do anything i wanted which is a first for him and i turned it down and said I can't do this anymore. I saw my counselor today and shared with her my feelings and she agrees that I need to severe this relationship. So did. He was going to come to my house after work and I told him not too. Its over. I have not heard from him and it does not even bother me. I know its over. I am going out to my blues club and meet up with my friends and have a good time.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/19/2008 10:27:49 AM
well the experts have spoken and I need to go to a monistery and not date till I am perfect. lol I do not know one single person who is perfect when it comes to dating. If they are I want to meet them. the only perfect person is God. I have learned more than you know and am still learning from counseling every week. I had to put closesure to this unhealthy relationship and know that I do not have to beat myself up because he was not emotionally ready. Its not my fault its his. Many people pick the wrong mates and that is why the divorce rate is so high. Picking the wrong person and staying with them is not good. Picking the wrong person and realizing it and learning from it and moving on and not repeating it is growth. Like I said I am a slow learner or I am just too loving to see that I am too good for my own good like one poster told me. being more cautious and asking more questions before getting too involved is the way to go. I was friends first with this person through going to live music clubs. Honestly I was not attracted to him at first and never thought I would ever have romantic feelings for him. It kinda crept up on me from no where. But now when I meet someone and there is interest I will be asking questions that will help both of us know if we will work together or not. I have so many men who want to date me right now its mind boggling. Not bragging just saying I have to be more chosey. I always have to eliminate so many for various reasons, yet sometimes someone will slip through my radar that I didn't find out enough about that person. Its hard to really know someone even after you have been together for years. people change or become so unstable you can't stay with them anymore.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/19/2008 8:13:06 AM
Hi blueeyed read the previous post from me. I agree with you and know what the problem is. I am learning. Some learn faster than others. lol

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/19/2008 7:47:28 AM
Yes i do know why I do it after 5 yrs of counseling. I feel sorry for men who have had bad childhoods and want to kiss their heart boo boos and make them better and also let them know there are nice women out there that do care. Problem is they have not dealt with the past so they can not appreciate a good women. Its my own fault for hoping they will. But I have to give up on that cause. Its non productive and self destructive. I have been alone for 3 yrs and date off and on. I realize I can't get caught up in trying to fix people. Not my job and not fun either. I know all that, and co dependancy and feeling whole without another person and learning to live alone. Done that. I do want to meet the right guy and have a wonderful life together. No one has it all together no matter how much time they take out to fix themselves. we are all growing and learning from our mistakes everyday. I go months sometimes without dating, my choice, and I am fine. I have yet to meet anyone who has their sh t together totally and is 100% healthy to date. Everyone has issues, and certain things that need critiquing. Its all a part of lifes lessons we learn as we go.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

letting go and moving on Posted: 6/19/2008 7:12:39 AM
As some of you know I battled emotionally over an unhealthy relationship with someone who was not emotionally avalable. We had officially broke it off yesterday after I told him I have your answer now so i can move on. He said in his state of mind and depression I am better off dating other guys because he does not want to hold me back. I was relieved and sad but I let it sink in and said goodbye to those dreams. Well yesteday he called me saying he could not sleep all night and was not feeling good about what was going on and breaking it off totally. I said I was sad but as the day when by and began to evaluate who he was and is and how he treats me I realized no matter how much I like him he is a dangerous drug that I need to stop cold turkey. He called me last night crying and upset and said he was very depressed and sitting in his car and could not go into the house where he is staying because of the caous. There was no water to bath with and no water period. He had not eatten and was mentally not himself. I told him to come over and take a shower I would feed him and he could rest here and I would not bother him at all. He came and ate and took a shower, and proceeded to kiss me and eventually make love to me. Now before your start throwing stones. let me explain. I had to find out if my attraction to him was purely physical. It was and I know it was over and even though he is fantastic he is not for me and I feel relieved and glad that it happened and I can finally close that chapter and start dating again. this time no more men that have had bad relationships with their mothers. Everytime I date them they take out all their fears, anger, out on me. 2 marriages to men with bad abusive relationships from their mothers. Now this one. That is the first thing I am going to ask when i date someone. Its actually a good pattern to start with. Men who have bad relationships with their mother have unresolves issues that carry over into their adult relationships. I refuse to pay for their mistakes.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

does one have to be inlove to be romantic and do romantic things? Posted: 6/18/2008 5:01:26 PM
you hit the nail on the head greeneyez. It is important to me and he knows it but said if I ask for it he does not want to do it till he feels comfortable doing it. what a load of crap. So many women broke up with him for the same reason. He still does not get it or does get it and does not care. I opt for number 2. He is the take it or leave it kind of guy. A musician that is full of himself because he is good. Thinks he is some sort of God. I know he is narcisistic and its like jumping into a pit of aligators dating a narcisitc person so yes i am stupid lol but love makes smart people do stupid things.

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

does one have to be inlove to be romantic and do romantic things? Posted: 6/18/2008 3:00:21 PM
no inmature thinking carl we both dropped our knickers when the time was right. We were very attracted to each other on every level. Sex with him was like a trip around the world. Not a 5 minute wham bam thank you mam. And how dare you say I dropped my drawers. Only men are suppose to have needs and we are suppose to walk around with padlocks on our tweaters ? lol. When are men going to stop stereotyping women who have sex as sluts?

newyorktomboy

Joined: 4/1/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

does one have to be inlove to be romantic and do romantic things? Posted: 6/18/2008 11:28:39 AM
thanks for the honesty and straight forwardness in responding. I have known him for a year and loved him from a far as we had dated in the past and broke up and he met someone else and fell in love and she broke up with him. I pined for him all that time even though I dated other people. He asked if he could start dating me again and I said yes one thing let to another and the cards just fell into place for him to move in. It was not my or his choice it just happened. We tried to have a relationship and the sex was out of this world always has been. Kisses to die for. Great sense of humor and has a good job and morals. A good father and provider. How ever he is afraid to commit. He is 50 and never married. Never had a women love him like I do and it scares the shit out of him. He does not know how to respond so he ran. He made excuses he is not ready he needs his own place, he needs to find himself blah blah blah. Even if its true why did he lead me on? He can be romamtic but he thinks that romance is something you earn and its not something you do out of love or feelings. Like if I piss him off he will not be romatic in anyway for weeks. This is not normal. I told him he holding onto a grudge. I stay mad for no more than a day and ususally am over it in a couple of hrs. Not him. He brews over it and never forgets it and brings it up all the time. I can't stand that. So why the hell was I in love with this jerk?

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