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 Author Thread: How to grap a girls attension in the first few line
 CYOA
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How to grap a girls attension in the first few line
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:54:18 PM
There's too much "funny" in this thread, it's spilling out into the other threads and making a mess...
1. OP is asking how to "grap" a girls "attension" in the first few " line"? Well that type of spelling should do the trick! Just keep sending them such carefully planned sentences and you will have them eating out the palm of your hand! The irony is thick in this question.

2. Psignosis is such a complete jerk I can't even read past a few sentences!

3. People are responding to phignosis like he is somehow worthy of any attention whatsoever. (yes I see the irony of mentioning that a poster is not worth mentioning! lol)

4. No one is mentioning anything about number 1, because they are all so busy dealing with numbers 2 and 3! haha!

Anyway, I got a kick out of this whole thread, so keep it up folks, I am lovin' it! But try to keep it down in here, it's waking up the neighbours.

 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:04:13 PM
Thanks Divinedotte. I agree that I need pics up there. I will work to shorten the "adventure" a bit, then get some pics up.

In the mean time I will retreat back into the shadows for a while (hide my profile) and await the right time for this shenanigans.

Thank you all for the great advice!
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would it be a hassle if you could look mine over, please & thanx
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:13:21 AM
The pics are great. The profile tells a lot about you in a short time. All good by me.

Your target audience is too far outside of my socio-economic-gender-age-sexual-preference sphere for me to comment on any of the actual text of the profile. lol. But way to make me feel like an old prude. =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:02:19 AM

If you could shorten each point to even one sentence


Hmmm ... that would be tough! I see what you are saying though.


One thing I'd definitely change: pooh-poohing someone (even jokingly) for choosing a coffee shop vs. a river valley on a (presumably) first date isn't a great move.


Maybe I just need to choose the location for the date? That would cut out a bunch of the "choices" at the beginning of the "adventure", but it would leave just the conversation parts?


the message you may send out by posting such a Tolstoy-esque story is that while you are creative and unique, concision and making yourself approachable and appealing to your audience isn't that important to you.


I am quite sure that Tolstoy is rolling over furiously to hear that his writing is being compared to a dating site profile! lol! But I take your point. I am cutting off a section of my potential audience by being overly verbose. Hmmm. Maybe that is the point. I'm not sure.

I am trying to think of ways (like preselecting the location for the date) that could make the profile shorter without making it less entertaining.

Think... think ... think.. :???:
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:53:38 PM

If you were female in my area I'd actually likely send you a message lol.


Well that IS good to hear ... I think. =)

Great ideas! I will try to find a way to incorporate them without making the page even LONGER! lol!

As far as the message telling them to check my profile for a "preview" ... I was actually thinking that they could message me if they are interested in a second date! lol ... Kind of cheating I know, and I would obviously treat the second date just like a first date anyway. hehe.
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:45:44 PM

But not counting like you. I get 4 votes for too long.


I think I posted that "count" as the votes were coming in ... maybe we need a recount?


did you really want a review where you would be willing to make changes?


Yup, and I have made some changes, all be it minor ones. If you are asking if I am willing to give up the idea of a "choose your own adventure" style of profile, then I would say "Yes, I am willing, but not just yet." I want to give the idea a chance and play with it a bit.

I AM willing, however, to make pretty significant changes to the WAY in which I word the profile and the length of it. I am thinking of ways to do that as I type. =)


And some of those pesky reviewers may keep bumping your thread which may be detrimental to your disguise!


If someone can figure out who I am from this series of messages, they deserve to know. They are super sleuths! =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Benthic, but I'd rather be pelagic
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:35:15 PM
I still feel the darkness alluded to in previous posts. (unsentimental?) I am sure that there are women out there that like that type of thing, but you may be narrowing the field even further. If that is your desire than you are on the right track. If, however, you wish to get more "hits" or messages from a broader spectrum of women you might want to try to be a bit more "happy" ... Dang, I hate when people tell other people to "smile more". but ... smile more! =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Can you please take a look at my profile, any help would be great.
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:26:40 PM
I would venture to say that you are probably not receiving any more or less than would be expected on a free internet dating site. This place is crawling with men that are not interested in much besides a "bootie call". It's a numbers game. Keep weeding. =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Please take a look and tell me what you think.
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:15:51 PM
Sorry, I have no idea why this profile would get no response. You are decent looking. You seem intelligent. You seem to have your act together. You can wear eyeliner with the best of them ...

Wait!

Are you wearing eyeliner?

Hmmm ... Well, that can't be the problem, so I am flummoxed. =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:07:37 PM
"More personal, more risk, more vulnerability -- more engaging. Random musings about sports and coffee shops? Save for your blog."

Now THAT is a review! And I have to say ... I think I agree.

But...

The problem with personal risk and vulnerability is that they are not really "first date" material. (for me at least) Nor are they the types of things I would feel comfortable discussing on a dating site BEFORE a first date. To take a risk, beyond telling people that I sing 70's piano rock in my car, could be just as much of a "turn off" as random musings about sports to some people.

But, like I said, THAT was a review of my profile that tells it like it is! Good job! Point taken.

Oh ... and Thanks.
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:57:16 PM
Ohhhh! ... hmmmm. If only I could find a way to make a bunch of text do pop-up-book-type-stuff! That would be awesome! lol. Now you're thinkin' like me!
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:54:08 PM
Incognito - indeedo. =) ... and for good reason. I am not here to inform all my single friends who use POF about my newly single status. I would rather they found out by me telling them than finding my profile on here. lol.

Anyway, that's 2 votes for "too long".

I will keep asking for opinions and try this profile out for a while once I get my act together. Until then I will probably hide it for a while and then come back for more abuse later. =)

I will leave it up for a day or so to let this message float to the bottom of the page.

Thanks for the reply though.
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I seem to be miscommunicating myself
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:11:40 PM
I get the same sort of confusion from this profile that you are describing. But I can't quite put my finger on it. ...

You mention weekends being out (but you give alternatives)
You mention coming into town once a month (but you list ideas for things to do that are not of a carnal nature)
You mention you are busy (but you show a desire for spending time with someone)
You admit that it would be a "long distance" relationship (but you do say that you require human interaction)
You mention "Love-making", if I remember correctly (but you state clearly that there needs to be a lot more than that)

It seems like you have covered all the bases as far as letting us know that you are NOT looking for a "F-buddy" as you put it... but I, somehow, have trouble imagining a relationship with someone in your situation that is not a bit. ... ummm ... un-fettered (is that a good word for it?)

I dunno... maybe if you just come right out and tell us EXACTLY what you imagine our relationship looking like and how it might grow? Are we supposed to drive out to see you three times a week and then you come see us once a month? I am grasping at straws here.

Sorry that I can't be more help. =(
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:57:26 PM
Wait ... I need TWO eyebrows? Crap!

Yeah. Pictures are coming. Really they are! But I just couldn't wait to ask people what they think of my profile.

I agree about the "crashing waves" thing ... too generic and too sappy. I will remove it. I will THINK about removing the "out there" stuff too ... but it's only fair to let a potential date know that I am a bit, how shall I say, "different" in some ways. hehe.

I love the idea of the book, and I have the technology. (Yup, a Six Million Dollar Man reference!)

Thank you so much for taking the time and giving me feedback.
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I will appreciate any suggestions for improving my profile.
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:50:13 PM
I like the main pic, the white t-shirt on a boat and the profile view at the end. The rest of the pics might be superfluous.

Maybe add more "Interests".

The "About Me" was funny and well written I think. The "good kisser" part might turn some women off... then again ... it might turn some on! =) (What do I know? I'm a man!)

All in all, a good profile by my standards.

If you have a moment to look at mine, well ... I have a message just down the page where you can tell me how much it sucks! LOL.
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Starting over and need a critique
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:39:59 PM
Your pics are cute, but in the third one your mouth is smiling while your eyes look sad. (my own interpretation, may not be true) I always find a picture with a fake smile to be sadder than looking at someone crying.

You start off with a negative, which is not great ... subconsciously I will always know that the first "words" out of your mouth were "If you're married or separated, there's nothing for you here. If you're recently divorced and interested, come back after you've worked out your mental and emotional stuff. Otherwise, read on....."

Is this a good way to start a "conversation"?

Also, I want to know a bit about what KIND of music, and what KIND of movies you like, as music and movies are very vague. If I am going to contact you based on your "interests" then I will need to know a bit more about those interests.

I hope my little observances help you out! =)

I'm new here too, and if you have a couple of minutes to take a "choose your own adventure" date with me, that would be great!
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:31:58 PM
Oh. Well thanks! You didn't HAVE to go back and read it, but thank you for that! =)

I am no writer, but I do try.

Now to see if someone will rip it apart a bit for me?
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Alright, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it 100%
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:28:29 PM
This profile is fine by me. (though I am a man, so I may be off the mark)

Any woman who finds small, shy, somewhat geeky, inexperienced men attractive (and these women do exist!) will be all over you! You are geek-sheik personified. You should have no problem finding another like minded female to be awkward and cute with.

Best of luck!
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Well? How's it look?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:21:33 PM
Bwahahah!

I am not really your target market (being a man and all) but your profile was very funny! And women always say they want a man that can make them laugh, so you should be getting messages by the truckload shortly. (I wish it was that simple)

Anyway, as you can tell, I liked the profile a lot.

Best of luck!
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:17:20 PM
Your response made me grin! =)

I know that there will be a lot of people who look at the page and move on instantly. I can only hope that if you read the very first paragraph you will realize that you only really have to read about 1/4 of the text on the page to take your "choose your own adventure" date with me. heh.

Oh well ... I hope I get some feedback here from someone who actually takes a moment to read some of it. Not all of it, just a few of the paragraphs, so they get the general idea.

I guess if a person won't even take the time to read a profile to get to know me a bit, then I don't think they will really listen to me when they meet me in person anyway.

But thanks for at least glancing at the profile for me. =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Give me your best and worst
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:12:09 PM
Your profile is not coming up for me. Sorry, I can't review what I can't see. =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is my profile that bad or am I just that ugly?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:04:49 PM
The two pics of you in the tan shirt are not flattering (especially the last one) but the other ones look great to me!

The text of the profile is a bit wordy, but if you broke the paragraphs apart it might look easier on the eyes.

Just a couple of quick things I noticed.

Hope they help!

If you have a moment to take a look at mine too that would be great! =)
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Please help me out and review my profile.
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:00:09 PM
Your pics are cute, but I would not put a pic of a child in with you at your age. I am not sure why, but it makes you look older (like a mom or something)

Also, saying that you are "intelligent" and then misspelling "talkitave" three words later is not a great start. =) ... Not that you asked for a spelling/grammar check, but you may want to watch your apostrophes. You use one on "sister's" when you should not, and then forget to use it on "thats", "Im" and "your" ... again, not really "intelligent" looking.

Like I said, your pictures are fine, the general profile looks good to me, just tweak it and also try searching the site as a Male looking for a Female and imaging what you might want to see in a profile. =)

...

...


Also "german" needs a capital G. lol (sorry)

Can you take a look at mine ... and be just as hard on my spelling please. haha!
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would love an honest review!
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:49:36 PM
The pics are great! The profile really helps me get to know you (probably more than I need to before a first date)

I do see a bit of a problem in one thing ... You mention that you don't like where you are at, you hate the city, that you want to move, and that you want to travel... Then you mention that you are ready to settle down and your profile says "long term".

I am confused.

I think you may be putting out the message that you want someone to follow you across the globe or be ready for a long distance relationship? Is that what you want?

That is what I get out of it anyway.

Hope this "review" helps you out. =)

Now ... can you review mine? Haha!
 ChooseYourOwnAdventure
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
I am trying something different ... does it work? (no pics yet)
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:42:02 PM
Hey everyone!

Please let me know if you think that my somewhat peculiar method of trying to stand out from the crowd might work...

Maybe all those WORDS will scare away the shortened attention spans of the on-line dating crowd?

Maybe it is a breath of fresh air?

Let me know your thoughts. That is, if you have a couple of minutes to "choose your own adventure" with me! hehe!

PS ... Yes I used up nearly every character allowed to make it work, which is why it is split down the middle. =)

Bonus points to anyone who lets me know about spelling and grammar errors. I'd rather crush those pesky things early.

CYOA
 MrClean38
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Can't view profiles
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:03:42 PM
After a restart of my browser all is fine again. Not sure if that is related, but it worked for me.
 MrClean38
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Can't view profiles
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:25:49 PM
Same issue here. Gonna try clearing cache and restarting my browser (MAC Firefox)
 
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