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Thread: How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption?

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

How about if you got prego and went against his wishes to terminate/put up for adoption? Posted: 11/7/2005 10:17:51 PM
I did it... I'm sure men could argue on the support issue...But from my experience and other people I have talked to...Men usually come around when they clue in that the growth in your tummy isn't just gaining weight, it's a human that's half them...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Smokers = Irresponsible Parents Posted: 11/7/2005 10:16:00 PM
Smokers don't make irresponsible parents, idiots make irresponsible parents... I live in the land of smoke free everything, including my home...When I go out, I will ask people not to smoke in their homes if my son is there... I am not saying that smoking is good...But it sure feels good some days... Parents who smoke can teach their children that smoking is bad, we have the education out there...Just because Mommy and/or Daddy do it doesn't make it right... Example or not, parenting doesn't revolve around your nasty habits...I think we should be more concerned about the heroin and crack, and even meth, addicts out there with children before smokers... I have seen HORRIBLE parenting from non-smokers... Don't blacklist us anymore...We already stink, have ugly lungs, run a risk of a nightmaric death, have yellow teeth and hands...But it doesn't put us in any other group than smokers...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

How can I act civilized with my ex-creep? Posted: 10/26/2005 11:41:59 PM
I feel for your situation...I also respect that for the sake of your son, you are trying to be civilized with this door nail... On most days I want to pull my son's father aside, pin him up against a wall and holler at the jack a** till I'm blue in the face and he's an inch tall for some of the crap he pulls... Instead, I try not to talk to him much, and avoid getting emotional about issues, and leave notes in my son's bag for his father to read...I couldn't tell you if he reads them, but I keep copies (just in case)... Words seem to be a little easier to write than say when you're dealing with a difficult person...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Protect my daughter (Sensitive) Posted: 10/26/2005 11:27:26 PM
First off, I am so sorry for what you daughter has endured so far, and what she'll endure in the future... Unfortunately, I don't know how the Courts and law system works in the US, but I know in Canada, you do not need to pay for a lawyer for yourself, the Court will appoint you a prosecutor... I admire you for being another one of the parents who will do anything to protect your child...And I understand how money seems to be the ultimate hold off for all of us to get things done right the first time... Your daughter's father is a disgrace to humanity for robbing your child of her innocence...And no judicial system will EVER punish him enough for what he has done... If it comes down to it, and you can't get any help from the Court system itself, I would have to agree with a few people in here, and say just flee with your daughter...My mother has a friend who had to do the exact same thing for the exact same reason... Your child is, and always will be, one of the most sacred things in your life, and I would do whatever it took to keep my son out of harm's way, and would fully support any other parent who felt compelled to do the same...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Advice on visitation, please Posted: 10/26/2005 11:18:40 PM
THANK YOU SHADOWKNIGHT! I have told him over and over and over again that curdled milk brings about bacteria and can cause an infection in his neckline...It's nice to know that other people know these things too (not to be too sarcastic)... I do agree, his father does have a right to see him, and I'm grateful that my son will know his father... The problem is, and the list gets long, mainly that he has his girlfriend doing all the 'un-fun' stuff with my son; she feeds him, bathes him, changes his diapers and all that, and according to his brother, it is 'because she needs the practice since she's pregnant'...I don't blame her for this, as I have felt from the start of him being a part of my son's life, that it is not her job to raise another's woman's child (especially with her own on the way)... Just this last weekend, my son's other grandmother (the ex's mom) picked him up on Saturday...Somehow it came up about the weekends, and I mentioned to her that I frequently sit at home and have to convince myself not to call over to see how my son is doing...She minimized what I said with "I raised 6 kids myself, and I know my son is good with kids, so you have nothing to worry about" I think I will take on everyone's advice here...I've started taking pictures of my son before and after he leaves to see his Dad, and if they ever let me into their apartment, I'm going to try and take pictures... I almost feel some form of reassurance that maybe I'm not being too uptight like I've been told by others about this...I appreciate it all...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Advice on visitation, please Posted: 10/24/2005 10:51:51 AM
My son is just over 4 months old, his dad has been involved in his life since he was a month old... Since my son started going over to his Dad's for the weekend, everytime I pick my son up, it never fails, he reeks of sour formula, and it's caked in the creases of his neck... I have told him over and over again that he needs to clean the young man. I have no patience for adults, and he has beyond worn mine out here... I'm actually to the point of either ripping him a new hole, or telling him he can only take my son during the day, but has to have him home with me overnight so I can clean him up... I'm sure my son's father isn't the only un-clean pig in this world...Any advice on what I can do with this guy?

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

baby names Posted: 9/8/2005 7:01:39 PM
There are always names like Noah too...If you wanted to think of great people from the Bible...Adam (but that's really common)... My son's room is a Noah's ark theme, full of animals...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Question about being induced!! Posted: 9/6/2005 9:25:43 PM
My 'natural' labour was going along too slow... My water broke early in the morning (1:30am), and come 10am I was still only 2cm dialated, so they induced me with a drip... I found the natural labour to be much more pleasant...Inducing seemed to bring the contractions on really hard and very close together...I finally caved after 2 hours of contractions every 30 seconds-1 minute and got the epidural... My mother still to this day holds it over me that I got the needle, but she never was induced... Good luck to you though! It'll all be worth it no matter what happens... Cheers!

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Child support questions... Posted: 8/31/2005 2:22:12 PM
Honestly, my mom bit the bullet and choked back so my dad would quit complaining when they got divorced eons ago...And she regrets it now... Take the money, and whatever you don't use, you can always put into a savings account...We're in Alberta, and it's tough to get anywhere without post-secondary education...Why not use his money to help your kids out after their graduation? As far as I know, he HAS to pay what the government has outlined - I've heard that a judge will not even let you try to argue it down... What you can waive is the alimony in your divorce, so that he's only parting with the $826... Maintenance is maintenance, and if anything, your kids are entitled to it...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Do u sometimes feel like just killing yourself because of the ex? Posted: 8/31/2005 2:16:09 PM
I think with the title of 'ex' comes frustration... I lived with an ex of mine after we broke up, and we were both hoping it would work out as friends...Unfortunately, the day he came home with another woman's lipstick on, I was done...I moved out within 2 weeks of it and moved back in with my mom... But really, like everyone else is saying...Be glad that it was 'only the dishes' that weren't done; things could have been a lot worse... When the guy gets on your nerves, try going for a walk, apparently there's something with fresh air and helping you release all the seratonine (I hope that spelled right) that you muster up when you get angry... Worse case scenario, see if there's someone (family/friends) that you can stay with rather than him... I know ignoring it isn't always a good solution, but really, in a case like this, there isn't much that will work other than getting away from him...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

How do deal with the ex?? Posted: 8/30/2005 11:38:13 PM
I'd be totally blunt in this case, and tell him to take a hike up sht mountain...And to get his head out of his ass... BUT... I know from my parents divorce that that kind of crap affects the kids, and he may start the "Your mom doesn't want you living with her, come live with me" garbage... For some stupid reason, men like your ex (who sounds a lot like my father) would rather pay for absolutely everything and have the kids live with them than give their ex a cheque for maintenance...Because they always seem to forget that there are costs like keeping a roof over the children's heads that uses up some of that support money... SO... I'd just tell him to go get himself a lawyer and take you to court... If he starts stiffing you on payments, hopefully there's maintenance enforcement or someone you can go to...As far as I'm concerned, if he's going to talk to anyone like that, the prick deserves to be labelled as a deadbeat dad and have his wages garnished... Don't put up with his bullsht, there's a reason you left him - You're not married to him or with him anymore, so don't let yourself live like when you were...**

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Good friends with ex Posted: 8/30/2005 11:26:18 PM
It would be quite immature in my eyes for anyone to be jealous of a mother and father getting along for the mental well being of their child(ren)... My son's father and I get along for the sake of our son, we hadn't spoken for almost 10 months - My son was a month old when he finally met his Daddy, and since that day, we get along...We don't hang out or call eachother just for fun or anything like that...It's strictly business mixed with the casual "How's your week?" type of conversation... I'm sure his girlfriend might have been a little yantzy about it at first, but I think within an hour of us meeting she knew she had nothing to worry about...I don't touch her man unless it's during the pass-off of our son...I talk to him the same way her and I talk, I may even talk to her more than I talk to him... I think what helps her get through is knowing that we weren't "deeply in love" or together long enough to have any kind of emotional baggage...Maybe if that were the circumstance, things might be different...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 54 (view)

why is it so hard to find love when u have kids Posted: 8/27/2005 2:12:30 PM
I have a child, and I don't think it's hard to find love, I think it's more so that being a single parent may make you more guarded about letting someone into your life... Myself, I don't want a man meeting my son until there's a possibility of it going further - It reduces the confusion to my son and any possibility of hurting him if things go sour...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

raising a biracial child Posted: 8/22/2005 11:46:28 PM
My son is a complete blend of 4 different cultures (2 from me and 2 from his father)... I believe that all children should know where they've come from (culturally speaking) and it can be very tough to do as a single parent... In my case, my son's father and I both agreed that he will be learning to speak French fluently, and he's more than welcome to learn Dutch too if it suits him...He will also be learning about the culture itself (atleast the French from me)...He will also be learning about his British and Native background from more so his father than me, but I wouldn't hesitate for a second to try and help out where I can... I don't know if your daughter's father is a part of her life or not, but if he's not, it definately makes it more difficult for you...But, there are books out there that might help her understand her two 'halves' and teach her an appreciation for culture... Best of luck to you! Cheers

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

When the other woman gets called Mommy Posted: 8/21/2005 6:02:18 PM
Thanks to everyone for the friendly advice and the reassurance that it's 'motherly' to not want another woman called Mom... As for doing the math...Don't...Apparently it was a year of good fertility for his father...He engaged his new girlfriend as soon as she found out about the pregnancy... I know I can talk to his father about it...The guy's pretty understanding of a lot of things, and since he's new at being a parent, for the most part he'll take care of my little boy the way he's taken care of at home (as far as clothes, baths and feeding go)...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

When the other woman gets called Mommy Posted: 8/21/2005 9:58:41 AM
I have a slightly sticky situation... I have a little boy, and he's not talking yet, but he spends between 30%-40% of his week with his Dad. His Dad is engaged, and has a baby with his fiance on the way. The new baby is only going to be 6-7 months younger than my son, so they will be pretty much growing up together and going through some of the same things at the same time... I am absolutely mortified that my son may end up calling his step-mother Mommy, because I have seen my friends' children do the same thing. I don't want to bring it up with my ex because on some days it seems absolutely stupid that I'm even thinking about it - On the other hand, and I know this sounds pretty dumb, I'm the Mommy, and it will probably crush me to hear my little boy call someone else Mommy. Is it wrong that when I talk to him about him going to his Daddy's, that I refer to her by name? I don't call her 'Step Mom' or anything like that, I always phrase it "You're going to go spend some time with Daddy and Melissa". I am not bitter towards her, in fact, just a few weeks ago, I bought her a birthday present (from my son, ofcourse), but I just don't want to share the "Mommy" title. Is that wrong?

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 132 (view)

Single Dads... forgotten ?? Posted: 8/20/2005 12:19:24 PM
I've known women who have taken advantage of the programs for single moms, and it has always disgusted me...There has to be a way to report these people for fraud of some sort, I mean if we all know one person who's lying to the government about their situation to reap in better benefits...We're going to end up being the ones screwed out of providing our children with a good life... My opinion of single dads is exactly the same as my opinion of single moms, being a single parent means you're doing double the work, and because you know you're the most influential (or in some cases the only one) person in that child's life you work even harder to put out a functional contribution to society...Every child that I've met in my lifetime that came from a single parent turned out pretty darned great...Infact, I'm still friends with them. Being a parent is a job and a half on its own...Being a single parent is twice as much and it's very respectable for any person to step up to the plate, take responsibility for their contribution in making that child, and be the best parent they can be...I don't think single parents ever get nearly enough credit for what they're taking on... Before I had my son, I prefered not to date single fathers, and it was because I didn't want a child that wasn't mine to see me as the 'new mommy', and then be crushed if/when something went sour in the relationship...I think that's a lot of the hesitation with single women without children of their own...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

AM I BEING USED? Posted: 8/20/2005 12:08:44 PM
Don't let yourself even feel like you're being taken advantage of...I think if you're questioning whether you're being used or not, you've already answered your own question... I would have to agree with everyone else, put your foot down...But really, there's no point in getting catty with everyone and telling them the truth behind why you won't babysit...Only offer up information that they want...So if they come to the idea that you might be ticked about not having the favour returned, then tell them...I, myself, would just say "No, sorry I've got plans that night." whenever they call for a while...I would definately not go out of my way and cancel plans to watch their children either... When I was growing up if my aunt and uncle had to watch me and my brother, my parents had to watch my cousin twice to make up for it...My cousin was more of a handful than my brother and I combined...Eventually my parents decided it was more worthwhile to pay a baby-sitter... Good luck on feeling better about this, and hopefully your friends and family realize why you won't watch their children anymore... Cheers!

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Do Single Fathers date Single Mothers? Posted: 8/20/2005 11:55:06 AM
Wouldn't it be nice if the single fathers came out from wherever they are hiding? I would much rather date a single father myself, just because that way they understand my position of my son coming first, and they also understand that I don't have the room for a leech that needs every waking minute of my day for themselves in my life (That looks awfully crude in writing, but is nevertheless the truth). Wish I knew where they were hiding...Time to start lifting rocks to check I guess... Cheers!

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

guys who pay there childsupport Posted: 8/18/2005 10:24:45 AM
I'm beginning to think the laws on child support are more equalized in Canada than the U.S. I always try to take a neutral perspective on everything, and really, I can understand why a man would be pissed about missing chunks of his paycheques - I'd be pissed too if the money was coming off my cheques... However, being a single mom and having sucked up a $1200 back payment on child support, I am slightly jaded on the topic, I bit the loss in the hopes that it will avoid even more reason for the 'mommy-bashing' when he's with his dad - I know I'm not the only woman on earth who's done this... Everyone is entitled by complain, but this is a sensitive topic with single moms, so backlash is to be expected... Cheers

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

getting a pet!! Posted: 8/18/2005 10:01:35 AM
I'm glad to hear about the kitty helping you and your son both...I'm sure when your son is happier, it makes you happy... I have allergies, and just a small word of advice on anti-histamines...Benadryl tends to knock most people out...I use Reactine, it works well (for me) and doesn't have the ill effect of making me sleep through everything... Cheers!

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

child birth Posted: 8/18/2005 9:43:20 AM
My water broke at 1:30am and my son came out at 8:01pm after 2 hours of pushing (I lost count after 12 pushes)...Joy joy, I missed by a hair getting a c-section... I was heavily medicated after toughing out almost 12 hours of back labour, and used the last 5 hours before pushing to get some sleep... It wasn't what I was expecting at all, but well worth it when I could finally hold him and see him...and I'd probably do it again!

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Questions to ask to get to know someone. Posted: 8/16/2005 11:40:19 PM
I usually ask a guy If you could describe yourself in 3 words, what would they be? It seems to get people to think a little better about themselves - The added bonus is that if they give you an answer that's completely superficial, you know exactly what they expect, and it tends to give you an idea on if they're shallow or not...It seems to give the best impression from chatting about people. Cheers P.S.: There are always a lot of rocks at the bottom of any lake

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

A HONEST females opinion please!!!!! Posted: 8/16/2005 11:10:24 PM
I can feel for your situation, I was in a similar situation with my son's father; he did not believe he could have gotten me pregnant in the short time we were together, so he had said he would not accept that it was his child until he had DNA testing...My story went a little nicer when my son came out as a carbon copy of his father, and still to this day looks just like his daddy... I'll forewarn you, this request may really set your ex into an uproar (I know I was quite stunned at first), but if you're willing to pay for it all, she should have no problem with the request, once she thinks about it through neutral eyes - She won't be out the money for it. But, as a request from a single mom who knows how expensive it is to care for a baby - Please don't make her pay for it, unless the child turns out to not be yours, then I believe, fair is fair, and even if she has to repay you over a few months, she should be reimbursing you for the costs invoved from it all. I'm sure that DNA testing and the thought or possibility that you might have a child out there is stressful on you as well as it will be on her, the child won't know any different...But I would offer the advice that if you want DNA testing to get on it as soon as you can...Back pay on child support can add up quick. I hope that it goes smoothly for you, and if the child is yours, I hope that your ex never uses this incident against you...Animosity between parents wears on the child(ren) involved; so hopefully you and your ex will be able to put your differences aside and get along for the sake of the child at hand... Cheers!

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

what do you think can be done to stop Predators who bother children Posted: 8/10/2005 7:02:23 PM
In all honesty, I hate to say this, but there is no country on this planet that in my opinion deals with child predators properly. I fully agree, children are innocent, and under no circumstance will EVER do anything worthy of what you hear happening to them. There will always be someone to pass the buck of blame off to, and no one will ever accept the responsibility for a child rapist roaming the streets or a pedophile being allowed to babysit. I have always been raised to believe that children (young children) do not lie, so if they tell you something serious has happened, chances are they aren't lying. I feel as though the justice system has too many kinks and loopholes for these sick-minded psychos, and allows them to get away with far too much with not enough penalty. I would rejoice the day I see an article that a child molester was hit by an 18-wheeler or hit in a drive-by...Call it cruel or inhumane, but if our government won't help our children and contribute to their safety, someone has to!

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Why are you single? Posted: 8/8/2005 10:48:13 PM
By choice... I am not really throwing myself out to sharks quite yet, gotta get a feel for the water first...

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

HOW MANY DEADBEAT MOMS DO YOU KNOW?! Posted: 8/8/2005 9:59:51 PM
I honestly can't believe that mother would not love her child(ren) enough to want to be with them every waking minute of every day; I know I fell in love with my son the very second he came out...It disgusts me that any parent would not love their child(ren) enough to be a vital part of their upbringing and of their lives, period. My son is a very lucky young man, neither myself or his father are deadbeats, and inspite of the fact that we parted ways before I even knew I was pregnant, we still get along very well for the sake of our son. However, I do know a girl that actually signed FULL guardianship of her daughter over to her ex-boyfriend's parents - The real kicker, her ex isn't even the child's father! She still lives there, but has better things to do than step up to the plate and raise her own child. Unfortunately, it's a very sad reality that there are deadbeat parents - I know I hate not having my son around while he is at his Dad's...If I could I would call there once a day just to hear my baby cry...And I know my son's father loves him to pieces...Sometimes both parents can't be together for their own sanity, but why should the child(ren) suffer from it, parents are supposed to be adults after all, right?

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

I am curious about your opinions Posted: 8/5/2005 1:47:59 AM
I can't seem to stress it enough - But the #1 job of a mother is to protect her children. With all the whack jobs on the internet and even on the street these days you just can't trust anyone. I also agree with you fully, before I would let my ex have my son alone for visits I wanted to meet his girlfriend - Again, because I don't know her from a hole in the ground, and I want to know what kind of people my son will be exposed to. I have absolutely no regrets for what I did, she is a great girl, and she's wonderful to my boy; but my ex has the same right in the event that I become serious with another man. Pictures are one thing on a date, my life is devoted to my son, and he is a huge part of my life. I have to be completely trusting of someone before they can meet my son. I also agree with you on meeting a man's children on a first date - I would like to think that a father would care about his children's safety as much as a mother would. There is no such thing as overprotective anymore - There is only underprotective, and unfortunately, you usually know when it's too late if you weren't protective enough.

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

guys who pay there childsupport Posted: 8/5/2005 1:28:08 AM
Here are a few options for you: 1. If you are not listed as the second child's biological father (this will be on his birth record) then you can contest to paying support on his behalf - It's a little on the cruel side and may cause some animosity between you and your ex-wife, which in turn will hurt the boy. 2. See about making better custody arrangements with your wife involving the children. I would like to mention to you however, there is a reason why you are paying so much child support - with a divorce, I'd make sure none of it is alimony for your ex-wife - raising a child is not cheap... For the men here who believe that they should be able to claim their child support on their taxes or get some kind of a tax break - the government used to allow it, however, if you get to claim it as a tax write-off, your ex has to claim it as income. So sure, you're doing great and getting a break, but the woman who does 60% or more of the upbringing of your spawn is suffering and in debt with the government, how is that fair? My son's father and I came to an agreement regarding taxes - since I'm the main custodial parent, I am claiming him as my dependant; however, part of the child support payments are going into an RESP for our son, and he will be claiming that for his taxes. Most parents want the best for their children, my son's father is paying more than what our laws state he has to, and he's not doing it to help me out while I'm in school - He's doing it because it will assure him that his son will have everything he needs. I can understand being in a difficult living situation, but don't we typically want better for our children than we had for ourselves? Women aren't always monsters, if you talk to them and explain to them your situation it just might get some kind of resolution in your favour.

Joined: 7/28/2005

Msg: 109 (view)

Single moms. Can they have any fun? Posted: 8/5/2005 1:11:39 AM
I completely agree with every single mom here...Single moms can have a blast, and probably better than anyone else because we don't get to do it every weekend, so when we are able to get out and let loose for a night we cash in on the opprotunity and make it more than worthwhile. I may still be new at being a single mom, but I am only a single mom, not the single parent involved in my child's upbringing. I may be lucky to have an involved father, where as I know some children aren't so fortunate (and sometimes it is all for a good reason) to have such an involved father in their lives. I agree that it is ignorant for any man to think that single moms are just hunting for a father figure for their children; we are women, not animals, we have class and have the biggest job of all - parenting. I know for a fact that I am not the only mother on this planet that is very protective of my child's well being, so sorry to say, but before you become a father figure to my child there will be some hurdles to jump. I have male friends that don't want children of their own, but yet they adore my little one, so long as they aren't asked to change diapers or do any of the work involved - When it comes to dating a single mom, the first date won't consist of a crash course on changing diapers, making bottles and parenting. I oftentimes wonder if many men understand just how hard it can be to be a single parent, when I'm worn out from having a crummy sleep and my baby needs a lot of attention, I don't have someone there to take over so I can take a nap; single moms also can't go out on a limb and make last minute plans, because again, we don't have someone right there to take care of our children. I think we deserve a little more respect from society as a whole - it takes two to tango, a baby is a wonderful thing and a miracle in it's own, and the circumstances of it's coming to be are completely irrelevant. But, then again, what woman wants a man in their life if he can't accept everything that contributes to who she is?

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