Here is a good one for the ladies: chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Here is a good one for the ladies:

ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

Here is a good one for the ladies: Posted: 4/8/2009 10:20:01 PM
this ones a little corny but its such a hoot a man was really depressed so he found himself in a pet shop. he tells the clerk " i want a diffrent kind of pet. I don't want a puppy or a cat i want something interesting." so the clerk suggests a millipede. Intrigued the man made his purchase and went off on his way. A few nights later he walked up to the box containg his milipede and asked "You want to go to Frank's for a drink?" No answer. So he asks again but a little louder "Hey buddy, you want to go out to Frank's for a drink?" No response. Irritated he stuck his face right in the box and shouted "DO YOU WANT TO GO TO FRANK'S FOR A DRINK?!!" Then out came a small voice from the box. "I heard you the first time, I was just putting on my shoes." :P

ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

BEN & JERRY'S flavors you will never see Posted: 4/8/2009 10:09:32 PM
how about the taliban-ana

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Best South Park quotes. Posted: 4/6/2009 10:25:58 AM
stan: shut up fat ass! cartman: I'm not fat i'm festively plump cartman: sticks and stones may break my bones but im Jesus and you arent

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 225 (view)

How did you come up with your screen name? Posted: 4/4/2009 10:39:50 AM
lessee Ghost is my high school nickname 8 is my lucky number--has been forever and the * is just pretty

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

we had a date planned and then--nothing Posted: 3/17/2009 10:17:23 PM
HA HA HA!! omg that was funny but no---i digress i even told him i do just the medium skills--i have only "mastered" some of the hard songs truthishly he would whip my tail but thats not the point

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

we had a date planned and then--nothing Posted: 3/17/2009 10:11:08 PM
of course i didn't make the first contact--like i said i don't pine over anybody--if you dont show up im not going to be that girl that goes--what happened omg--i just find the whole process baffling i saw pictures he saw mine he just didnt wind up where he said he would be after HE made a big deal about it himself--thats just odd i realize stuff happens but jeepers just let me know--don't leave me guessing ya know

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

we had a date planned and then--nothing Posted: 3/17/2009 10:00:15 PM
so i was talking to this guy for a while and we actually picked a day when we would both hang out and play some games--think ps2 guitar hero he even kept texting me all week thursday thursday thursday---so why is it that when thursday came--i get no email no text and no call? I don't like to pine over anybody i just want to know what the F**k was that all about!

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

POF profile translations Posted: 3/5/2009 10:41:44 PM
ha ha HA! I must be an exception to your dating rule--i've gone on plenty of dates, however, they were all epic failures but that's besides the point. undecided/open i'll have kids if you'll have kids exactly snort

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

The Friend Zone Posted: 3/5/2009 10:36:41 PM
hey if theres a he's just not that into you aspect there can be a she's just not that into you aspect am i right or am i right?

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 98 (view)

I will OBEY you??? Posted: 3/5/2009 10:33:48 PM
people who actually put that in their vows should have dogs not a marriage

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 209 (view)

Favorite Family Guy Lines Posted: 3/3/2009 10:30:23 PM
you ever let your baalls hang out beroni? ever do that bri? drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was bri-- and i know this doesn't constitute as a quote but did you see the episode where the boys all drank epicac? i don't want to i don't want to ewahhh

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Little dick Posted: 2/6/2009 7:54:10 AM
I am tird of sticking it into something that smells like the shit house door on a tuna boat. AGHHH!!! LOL apparently your friend has issues and was just trying to show off. he may have a lil dk but shes a huge **.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Msprnts---ahem---Misprints Posted: 2/3/2009 1:14:55 PM
daily press. Piano in need of fine tooning (tuning) unless the piano needs to watch a fine cartoon

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Msprnts---ahem---Misprints Posted: 2/3/2009 1:05:25 PM
i just saw another one 2 baby boy ug puppies (*pug) or maybe the puppies are ugly lol

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Msprnts---ahem---Misprints Posted: 2/3/2009 1:03:42 PM
Jay Leno used to have a regular segment on his show pointing out the fine humor of misprints in any paper. i.e. Used Girls instead of Used Grills. I came across one that made me giggle Hurricane Blows Through Cemetery: Many Dead Left Homeless. and one in todays paper; Ballons of Happy Customer (billions) ha ha ha

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

this was in todays paper omg i had to pass it on Posted: 2/3/2009 12:57:00 PM
wow tis speacial

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Has there ever been a time when... Posted: 1/27/2009 10:27:06 PM
frost bitten cornhole--that would be a good name for a band LOL HA HA HAAA!!! and The Gay's Washroom--a good lounge for a motel heheheheheh

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Farts Posted: 1/27/2009 12:37:45 PM
---oh i had to see what this was about and yay its funny------- i am soo imature--anywhoo There was this guy who loved to eat beans but he had a serious gas problem every time he ate them. (Abad reaction to you or i was nothing to this guy his was like 10 times worse) One day he met this woman and he fell completely in love with her. It was right then and there that he told himself "I am never going to be able to be with this woman if i continue to eat beans." so he gave them up and 1 year later they were married. 2 years later, on his birthday, the man was on his way home which was way out in the country. All of a sudden his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. He quickly took out his cell phone and called his wife. "Honey I'm going to be late i have to walk home so put off any birthday plans you might have." So he walked and he walked and he walked. Two miles in he saw a small diner--he could smell the warm aroma of fresh...baked...BEANS!! He thought for a minute and then he decided to go in and have a bowl...afterall it was his birthday. So he went in and cam out after 3 helpings--he could allready feel the gas welling up inside him so on he walked put putting up one hill and put putting down the next. Until he figured he was safe as he arrived home. His wife was there to greet him at the door. "Happy Birthday Honey! Now don't peek i have a special surprise for you." She tied a blind fold over his eyes and led him to the dinner table. He felt around his place he could feel the fancy china and a silk napkin rolled up. To his dismay he could feel another gas bubble rise up. Just then the telephone rang "Shoot--okay hon im going to get that but don't you peek okay?" he waited until she left the room before letting out a silent fart Silent it was but odorless it was not---he felt around the table for the napkin and began waving the smell away from him with it. The next one came but it was like an elongated gunshot and the smell had the same effect as tear gas once again he waved the smell away with the napkin. Finally the third--the blue prize winner the walls started shake and the dishes on the table began to rattle RIIIIIIIIIIP!!!! how his eyes began to water so he whipped the napkin in a frenzy--in the other room he could hear his wife say her final goodbyes so he smoothed his napkin on his name and folded his hands on his knees the very picture of innocence "Did you peek?" He shook his head and smiled. She removed his blindfold "Surprise" To his shock and horror there sitting before him were ten dinner guests that had been there the whole time!!" a little long i know --but it made you smile

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 2015 (view)

My Joke Thread Posted: 1/27/2009 12:15:11 PM
if we do not succed we run the risk of failure that was my favorite bushism but i also liked--"Rarely is the question asked 'IS our children learning?'---"lol

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Has there ever been a time when... Posted: 1/27/2009 12:04:15 PM
HAHAHA!!! no pun intended right? damn i would laugh too.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Funny things we've done when drunk. hic Posted: 1/26/2009 6:30:26 AM
i was over at a good friends house--Kate would make me sphaghettii every time i came over bc she knew it was my fav and in this particular case had also gotten an overstocked liquer cabinet. i was trying every thing in the rainbow after i had eaten. This was a mistake. Kate and her husband tried to get me to watch a movie but i kept talking and giggling like a moron--which was funny for them--but really mortifying for me. Thats not the worst of it tho. After Kate and Rob called it a night i crashed on their couch and apparently blacked out. The next morning i woke up to the sound of Rob laughing really really loud. There was sphaghettii in my hair, all over his couch all over my face it was on the floor--every where except my mouth it seemed. Some where in the middle of the night i grabbed the bowl of left overs and dragged it over to the couch--which was completely distroyed! The next day i was still so embarassed that i went out to the outlet to get a couch cover.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

If easily offended,do not read. you've been warned Posted: 1/25/2009 1:26:31 AM
"Morning" I said " No, just taking a sht" he replied. omg lol the absolute worst one i have ever heard (and i know this is awful) came from a website with the most distasteful jokes imaginable. (u've been warned) : It was the first day of April when a couple expecting their first child rushed to the delivery room. The expectant father was too nervous to stay with his wife so he paced up and down the waiting room. Several hours later one of the nurses emerged carrying the baby boy in her arms. "Would you like to hold your son?" thrilled the new father stepped forward but before he could blink the nurse snatched the blanket off the child, grabbed it by the ankles and began swinging it around in circles. She loosened her grip and she let it slam into a nearby wall. Shocked the new father screamed "lady what the f*k are you doing to my child?!!" She sheepishly grinned "April Fools--it was already dead." i told you it was a doozy.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 274 (view)

Add One And Keep Going - This Ought To Be Fun Posted: 1/25/2009 1:09:18 AM
fraggle rock i don't know what it was about that show that i thought was so cool but--what can you do that (and im going to break the rules here like so many before me) Pee-Wees Playhouse the live furniture and puppets and cool stuff he had in that house--good stuff.--too bad he was a pervert

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 65 (view)

Kitty PJ's Posted: 1/25/2009 1:04:29 AM
don't worry about it im do backwards i go forwards. like--i don't like chicken nuggets but i like chicken strips i like fresh strawberries but i don't like strawberry flavored things i don't like melons but i like watermelon flavored candy i hate celery but i like in soup i don't like parmasean cheese on italian foods like pasta or pizza but i like it on baked potatoe but i don't like to eat baked potatoes that much ---i done just walked myself in a circle--oy and sooo much more believe me

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Favourite blond jokes Posted: 1/25/2009 12:55:56 AM
An inner city polic officer was patrolling a back road when he noticed a car drive by that was weaving dangerously. Quickly he flashed his lights and sirens and followed the wreckless driver. After a few minutes the car slowed and haulted on small driveway. The police officer grabbed his notebook and walked slowly to the car. Getting closer he could hear hysterical sobs from what was undoubtedly a woman upon closer inspection he realized she was blond. Still--he continued to the car. Trying to keep a dignified tone he asked "What seems to be the trouble ma'am?" She looked up at him with a tear stained face "Well there was a huge tree in the road--so i swerved--no sooner that i managed to dodge that one another one appeared--and then there were all these trees and i had to keep swerving...!" The police officer peered in her car, rolled his eyes and said "Ma'am--that's your air freshener."

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Has there ever been a time when... Posted: 1/25/2009 12:42:10 AM
...you totaly laughed and you realized--you really shouldn't have? i seem to be a poster child for it One of my college professors is in a wheel chair (im not sure how or why and im not going to be rude and ask either) she has a great sense of humor i find myself getting in a good chuckle from time to time in her class. On our second day of class it was blistering cold --probably a total of nine degrees outside. She made this comment under her breath "so cold out it made my anus hurt." i thought she was being funny so i made a goofus laugh like really loud--loud enough to make everyone turn to me and stare. i just wanted to crawl under my desk and die--u ever have a moment like that?

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Top 10 reasons for using the F word... Posted: 1/25/2009 12:32:29 AM
Okay so lack of sleep might either make this really brilliant or really insane (amazing how those things go hand in hand eh?) Where the f*k do you keep coming* from Eve on questions of anatomy-- HA HA HA---eat it.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Most embarrasing moment Posted: 1/25/2009 12:22:00 AM
all right so my deal is that usually im pretty nutty when i get behind the wheel. i don't mean the way i drive--i mean i listen to metal and since i typically don't care who sees me i usually scream along--it's much more fun that way. So im stopped at a red light and the song im listening to is pretty rough so i start tapping my fingers but then i get more into it and start banging my head--before long i go into my usual routine of making stupid faces and screaming along (after all--i was on my way to work and i needed all the shts and giggles out that i could) there was a van to the left of me but i wasn't paying attention to anything except the music and the stupid light. It turned green and i tore a* and i made it all the way to my usual parking space when the van pulled up right next to me --- it was one of my coworkers --- ya know the kind that catch you being human and they find it soooo damn funny they won't let you live it down. Every time we ended up working together he would mimic my facial expressions and dance moves and demand a command performance--what an ass.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

What are your favourite sayings? Posted: 1/20/2009 1:24:42 PM
men--can't live with them--and cant shoot them either

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 85 (view)

hi Posted: 1/20/2009 1:22:21 PM
sticks and stones fatso

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

~~Best & Worst Pick Up Lines~~ Posted: 1/20/2009 11:59:17 AM
i cant believe nobody put this one up yet--the beach ball man: excuse me i was wondering if you've seen my beach ball woman: uh..no man: its about this big (flexes arms down in a circle) I was throwing it over my head (flexes muscles with arms over head) i think it went thatta way (points with one arm and flexes muscles) lol i had that used on me twice--by really really skinny doods--ha ha HA!

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Out of Curiosity... Posted: 1/20/2009 11:40:52 AM
i wasnt on the forums three or four days ago and im not going thru all of them just to answer my question because i was asking the question. anywayz most of yall were helpful but let me elaborate I didn't realize video games were considered a lesbian activity the guys that i do talk to about the video games i would say something down the road like "My ex is finally moving away--HE is going to live in Georgia." the would look confused or say oh--like oh you like guys?

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 360 (view)

Funny, but real names... Posted: 1/19/2009 9:59:06 PM
so my french teacher i had 7 years ago cracks out this gem and i still remember it to this day--her friend was a kindergarden teacher in texas--it was her responsibility to call all the parents of her new students to remind them of the open house. She goes down the list and lo and behold--she sees As*hole on there. So when she called that house it went a lil something like this "hello mrs. (name) i am...your childs new teacher." "Oh...which one." "Erm...i....can't pronounce it...uh... A-S-S..." "oh you mean a-shoul-ay?"

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 251 (view)

Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny Posted: 1/19/2009 12:08:25 PM
as seen on vh1 they had these two thumb with googley eyes and everything dressed up Thumb 1 "what has one thumb and loves rock and roll?" Thumb 2 points backwards "erm...this guy?" Thumb 1 " no the drummer from def lepperd" lol that and i know im going to get a lot of shit for this one but--a comedian reinacted John Lennon's last song he ever wrote-- "what that you got in your hand? pow pow aghhh!"

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 127 (view)

What caused your last serious relationship to end? Posted: 1/19/2009 12:00:40 PM
he was a terrible listener we were together for a year and 3 months and he asked me--what happens if i buy you a ring without thinking i said for the love of god (name) please don't because the answer is no. (we were much to young) 3 moths later he proposed to me...in front of his parents i had to pull him aside and share a few nasty words before i finally told him that i had it.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Are widowers red flags for women ? Posted: 1/19/2009 11:52:40 AM
not really the only red flags for me are dogeyness, suspicous behavior (exp ducking out to take phone calls, leaving at weird hours, WORKING LATE!!) and children--baby mama drama is too much sometimes-

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Out of Curiosity... Posted: 1/19/2009 11:25:26 AM
i hope i spelled that right. anywhoo--what do you guys think about a girl who is a tom boy? my ex didn't seem to have a problem with it but a lot of guys seem to have me confused as a lesbian because i play video games, drink beer and dress like a punk. however am straight and rather confused about mixed messages i seem to be giving off just bc i have a bizare sense of humor...

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Your thoughts Ladies Posted: 1/19/2009 11:14:49 AM
The thing is--hes a jerk. and most girls dig a jerk. be it a daddy complex or reliving high school-- but not all girls do, however, it sounds like your friend does. just remind her that this idiot is broadcasting his true ugly side to millions of people and he's trying to ruin her reputation. if she doesn't get it then she is a lost cause.

Ghost08*

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

are feet sexy ? Posted: 1/19/2009 11:05:25 AM
i can't even look at a damn foot!! i take care of mine plenty but i don't like other people "handeling" me and charging me for something that no one else will see. i don't wear open toed shoes--so to me its a waste of money.

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Okay---turning the tables Posted: 8/20/2006 10:49:49 PM
see you admit it

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Okay---turning the tables Posted: 8/20/2006 10:37:28 PM
All right---so I was reading the forum about top 10 turnoffs--and it made me think of some things I jusy gotta ask--- What's with the whole not showering or practicing good hygene thing?--I realize this doesn't include all but--most. If you say something mean or stupid are we not allowed to react as such? Why is it that when a group of guys can sit there and talk up a storm about who did who and what went on with someone else and it's called "bonding time" but when women do the same thing it's called "gossiping?"

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 52 (view)

Not fishing for compliments--just want to know Posted: 8/17/2006 10:54:52 AM
Okay so I've been reading some responses and I think that what some of you are saying is--that some "big" women can be hot or whatever--but to gotapulse--jabba or adonis hmm--well to break this down say I do hang all over hunky Adonis---me and about every other girl he passes. Because he is the type that cannot be ignored ---so then i would have to beg for attention and he would just continue to be a god---eventually this would get tiring so then i try my hand with jabba and find out it's more fun when the attention is on me.---The flaw in your theory is that because Adonis is Adonis --he wouldn't give just anybody the time of day--and unlike most -I know when to quit while I'm ahead.

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Whats over kill to you? Posted: 8/17/2006 10:43:15 AM
----I hate posing for a camera--when someone else is taking the picture---it just seems like they can capture a soul or something when they catch you acting like a dork--hence again the bathroom photo.----- Cow udders?----I tried that once but I usually try to keep mine hidden. Alf? WTF?

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Whats over kill to you? Posted: 8/15/2006 4:00:27 PM
Are you serious---geeze-- Now what do you think of the pics some have where they took it in their bathroom? Hence the pic I have now--lol

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Is a hug ok after the first date Posted: 8/15/2006 11:37:23 AM
Hugs are way better than those should-I-give-a-kiss-cha-chas some guys dance around on.

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Okay codes? Why? Posted: 8/15/2006 11:35:15 AM
Could someone explain to me what some of these codes are? I see them on this site a lot like OP what in the heck is that?there are others what are they and what do they mean?

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Your all time Favorite Zombie Movie(s)? Posted: 8/15/2006 11:29:34 AM
I liked Army of darkness. That movie was hilarious. Actually this is a movie about an army of reincarnated skeletons--not zombies.

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Okay guys I have another stumper for you. Posted: 8/15/2006 11:26:11 AM
maybe you are--but that's what makes you--you--or something like that.

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

well... Posted: 8/15/2006 11:22:23 AM
hey I'm asking cuz I sure son't know how to act--it's a new one. My first instinct is to flip him off but i can't exactly download a pic of my mid-digit flappin around on this site now can I?

kornfan

Joined: 7/30/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

well... Posted: 8/15/2006 11:18:52 AM
I did read his respone that went something like--"I wanted to see who would respond to it and I understand if you never want to talk to me again." WTF? It makes me wonder if all guys have this crouching sudo-guy hidden sex perv thing going on.

Show ALL Forums